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Vol. 19 Issue 03 All Rights Reserved © 2021

FIRE! A lady at a gas station was filling up her gas tank She was-

n't paying attention to what she was doing. She put too much

in and it gushed out all over her arm. About the same time,

to the amazement of those around her, she lit up a cigarette.

They watched in horror as her arm caught on fire! They

began honking and tried to get her to pull over but

she wouldn't. Instead, she stuck her arm out the

window and was waving it wildly trying to

put the fire out.

Luckily, a policeman raced up with his lights

and siren blaring, and pulled her over.

She stopped and the cop raced to her

and helped her put her arm fire out. Then he

gave her a ticket….for illegal use of a fire arm.

BARBEQUE GAFFE As the coals from the barbecue burned down, the hosts

passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks. Just then,

two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flash-

ing. They stopped at a house right down the block.

All twelve of the people raced out of the back

yard, down the street, where they found the

owners of the blazing house standing by

helplessly. They glared at the newcomers

with looks of disgust.

Why? They were all still holding the

roasting forks with marshmallows on

them.

DUELING IS LEGAL IN PARAGUAY AS LONG AS BOTH PARTIES ARE REGISTERED BLOOD DONORS

LOVE BINDS EVERYTHING TOGETHER IN PERFECT HARMONY

CALCULATING Three men all applied for the job of shipping clerk at a new

manufacturing plant. They were completing a verbal test. The

first was asked, "What is three times

three?"

The man pondered the query for

a couple of moments before blurting

out, "Easy, 116." The test representa-

tive told him he was wrong.

Then the interviewer asked the same

question of the second man. The man

bowed his head and went into deep

thought before replying, "Well,

that's Tuesday."

Again, the test representative told him he was

wrong.

The tester was about at his wit’s end when he turned

to the last man and asked, "Do you know what

three times three is?"

The man smiled and answered

easily, “Sure, that's nine."

The tester then asked, "Fine, fine,

but how did you figure it out?"

The guy replied, "I just divided 116 into Tues-

day, that's all."

http://www.silverstartheater.com/

THERE IS NOTHING SO UNCERTAIN AS A SURE THING

LET THE PEACE OF CHRIST RULE IN YOUR HEARTS - COLOSSIANS 3:15

THOSE WITH FEW VICES HAVE FEW VIRTUES

BY THE TIME YOU'RE 80 YEARS OLD YOU'VE LEARNED EVERYTHING. YOU ONLY HAVE TO REMEMBER IT

BLESSED IS THE ONE WHO IS NOT OFFENDED BY ME - MATTHEW 11:6

LET NOT YOUR HEARTS BE TROUBLED - JOHN 14:27

WHITE OUT WAS INVENTED BY THE MOTHER OF MIKE NESMITH (FORMERLY OF THE MONKEES)

THERE IS NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN - ECCLESIASTES 1:9

1. U.S. PRESIDENTS: The poem "O Captain! My Cap-

tain!" was written after the death of which president?

2. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: What is the weight of a

U.S. quarter?

3. MOVIES: What was the name of the skyscraper in

the drama "Die Hard"?

4. TELEVISION: What city was the setting for the sit-

com "Mork and Mindy"?

5. SCIENCE: What is the study of knowledge, reality

and existence called?

6. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What are male blue crabs

called?

7. GEOGRAPHY: What is the highest point in Japan?

8. FOOD & DRINK: The acai berry is native to which

continent?

9. LITERATURE: Who wrote the "Winnie-the-Pooh"

book series for children?

10. MEASUREMENTS: What is an angstrom?

Answers

1. Abraham Lincoln

2. 0.2 ounces

3. Nakatomi Plaza

4. Boulder, Colorado

5. Philosophy

6. Jimmies

7. Mount Fuji

8. South America

9. A.A. Milne

10. One ten-billionth of a meter,

used to measure very small dis-

tances

(c) 2021 King Features Synd.,

Inc.

IF YOU LIMIT YOUR ACTIONS IN LIFE TO THINGS THAT NOBODY CAN POSSIBLY FIND FAULT WITH, YOU WILL NOT DO MUCH

AS I LIVE, SAYS THE LORD, EVERY KNEE SHALL BOW TO ME, AND EVERY TONGUE SHALL CONFESS TO GOD - ROMANS 14:11

RIGHT OR WRONG, THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT

IT IS A TERRIBLE THING TO LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO LEAD -- AND FIND NO ONE THERE

* On Earth you need heat to fuse metal, but in space, due to

the lack of atmosphere, two pieces of the same kind of metal

will fuse together with just a little pressure in

a process called cold welding.

* The average person will grow 590

miles of hair in their lifetime. Nose

hairs alone contribute 6.5 feet of

that.

* Digging a hole to China is possi-

ble if you start in Argentina.

* While adult giraffes usually sleep standing up, their off-

spring get more comfortable by hunkering down on the

ground and taking advantage of their extra-flexible necks,

twisting around to plop their heads on their own posteriors.

* The U.S. government gave Indiana University $1 million to

study memes.

* Caffeine, which is found in tea leaves, guarana berries, kola

nuts and, of course, coffee beans, acts as a natural pesticide. It

overloads the nervous systems of insects that try to eat the

plants containing it, paralyzing and even killing them before

they can do too much damage.

* Can't get your kids to eat their carrots and broccoli? Perhaps

they suffer from lachanophobia, otherwise known as the fear

of vegetables.

* Hurricanes release the energy of 10,000 nuclear bombs.

* Harry Truman was the first president to celebrate Hanukkah

in the White House. In 1951, he accepted a menorah from

David Ben Gurion, the prime minister of Israel.

* Charles Dickens believed that sleeping facing north would

improve his writing.

* Finland was the first nation to experiment with autonomous

vehicles in urban conditions. The country's laws don't oblige

drivers to be inside the vehicle.

* Liquids can boil and freeze at the

same time.

Thought for the Day: "When you do

the common things in life in an un-

common way, you will command the

attention of the world." -- George

Washington Carver

(c) 2020 King Features Synd., Inc.