american humorous short strories

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ProjectGutenberg'sTheBestAmericanHumorousShortStories,byVarious

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Title:TheBestAmericanHumorousShortStories

Author:Various

ReleaseDate:February5,2004[EBook#10947]

Language:English

***STARTOFTHISPROJECTGUTENBERGEBOOKAMERICANHUMOR***

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THEBESTAMERICANHUMOROUSSHORTSTORIES

EditedbyALEXANDERJESSUP,Editorof"RepresentativeAmericanShortStories,""TheBookoftheShortStory,"the"LittleFrenchMasterpieces"Series,etc.

INTRODUCTION

Thisvolumedoesnotaimtocontainall"thebestAmericanhumorousshortstories"therearemanyotherstoriesequallyasgood,Isuppose,inmuchthesamevein,scatteredthroughtherangeofAmericanliterature.Ihavetriedtokeepacertainunityofaimandimpressioninselectingthesestories.InthefirstplaceIdeterminedthatthepiecesofbrieffictionwhichIincludedmustfirstofallbenotmerelygoodstories,butgoodshortstories.IputmyselfinthepositionofonewhowasabouttoselectthebestshortstoriesinthewholerangeofAmericanliterature,[1]butwho,justbeforehestartedtodothis,wasnotifiedthathemustrefrainfromselectinganyofthebestAmericanshortstoriesthatdidnotcontaintheelementofhumortoamarkeddegree.ButIhavekeptinmindthewideboundariesofthetermhumor,andalsothefactthatthehumorousstandardshouldbekeptsecondalthoughaclosesecondtotheshortstorystandard.

Inviewofthenecessarylimitationsastothevolume'ssize,IcouldnothopetorepresentallperiodsofAmericanliteratureadequately,norwasthisnecessaryinordertogiveexamplesofthebestthathasbeendoneintheshortstoryinahumorousveininAmericanliterature.Probablyalltypesoftheshortstoryofhumorareincludedhere,atanyrate.NotonlycopyrightrestrictionsbutinameasuremyownopinionhavecombinedtoexcludeanythingbyJoelChandlerHarrisUncleRemusfromthecollection.Harrisisprimarilyinhisbestworkahumorist,andonlysecondarilyashortstorywriter.Asahumoristheisofthefirstrankasawriterofshortstorieshisplaceishardlysohigh.His



humorisnotmerefunninessanddiversionheisahumoristinthefundamentalandlargesense,asareCervantes,Rabelais,andMarkTwain.

Nobookisdullerthanabookofjokes,forwhatisrefreshinginsmalldosesbecomesnauseatingwhenperusedinlargeassignments.Humorinliteratureisatitsbestnotwhenservedmerelybyitselfbutwhenpresentedalongwithotheringredientsofliteraryforceinordertogiveawiderepresentationoflife.Therefore"professionalliteraryhumorists,"astheymaybecalled,havenotbeenmuchconsideredinmakingupthiscollection.InthehistoryofAmericanhumortherearethreenameswhichstandoutmoreprominentlythanallothersbeforeMarkTwain,who,however,alsobelongstoawiderclassification:"JoshBillings"(HenryWheelerShaw,18151885),"PetroleumV.Nasby"(DavidRossLocke,18331888),and"ArtemusWard"(CharlesFarrarBrowne,18341867).InthehistoryofAmericanhumorthesenamesrankhighinthefieldofAmericanliteratureandtheAmericanshortstorytheydonotranksohigh.Ihavefoundnothingoftheirsthatwasfirstclassbothashumorandasshortstory.PerhapsjustbelowthesethreeshouldbementionedGeorgeHoratioDerby(18231861),authorofPhoenixiana(1855)andtheSquibobPapers(1859),whowroteunderthename"JohnPhoenix."Ashasbeenjustlysaid,"Derby,Shaw,LockeandBrownecarriedtoanextremenumeroustricksalreadyinventedbyearlierAmericanhumorists,particularlythetricksofgiganticexaggerationandcalmfacedmendacity,buttheyareplainlyinthemainchannelofAmericanhumor,whichhaditsorigininthefirstcommentsofsettlersupontheconditionsofthefrontier,longdrewitsprincipalinspirationfromthedifferencesbetweenthatfrontierandthemoresettledandcompactregionsofthecountry,andreacheditshighestdevelopmentinMarkTwain,inhisyouthachildoftheAmericanfrontier,admirerandimitatorofDerbyandBrowne,andeventuallyamanoftheworldandoneofitsgreatesthumorists."[2]Norhavesuchlaterwriterswhowereessentiallyhumoristsas"BillNye"(EdgarWilsonNye,18501896)beenconsidered,becausetheirworkdoesnotattaintheliterarystandardandtheshortstorystandardascreditablyasitdoesthehumorousone.Whenwecometothecloseofthenineteenthcenturytheworkofsuchmenas"Mr.Dooley"(FinleyPeterDunne,1867)andGeorgeAde(1866)standsout.Butwhilethesetwowriterssuccessfullyconformtotheexactingcriticalrequirementsofgoodhumorandespeciallytheformerofgoodliterature,neitherthoughAdemoresoattainstothegreatestexcellenceoftheshortstory.Mr.DooleyoftheArcheyRoadisessentiallyawholesomeandwidepoisedhumorousphilosopher,andtheauthorofFablesinSlangischieflyasatirist,whetherinfable,playorwhatnot.

ThisvolumemightwellhavestartedwithsomethingbyWashingtonIrving,Isupposemanycriticswouldsay.Itdoesnotseemtome,however,thatIrving'sbestshortstories,suchasTheLegendofSleepyHollowandRipVanWinkle,areessentiallyhumorousstories,althoughtheyareo'erspreadwiththegeniallightofreminiscence.Itisthearmchairgenialityoftheeighteenthcenturyessayists,aconstituentoftheauthorratherthanofhismaterialandproduct.Irving'sbesthumorouscreations,indeed,arescarcelyshortstoriesatall,butratheressaylikesketches,orsketchlikeessays.JamesLawson(17991880)inhisTalesandSketches:byaCosmopolite(1830),notablyinTheDapperGentleman'sStory,isalsoplainlyafollowerofIrving.WecometoadifferentveinintheworkofsuchwritersasWilliamTappanThompson(18121882),authoroftheamusingstoriesinletterform,MajorJones'sCourtship(1840)JohnsonJonesHooper(18151862),authorofWidowRugby'sHusband,andOtherTalesofAlabama(1851)JosephG.Baldwin(18151864),whowroteTheFlushTimesofAlabamaandMississippi(1853)andAugustusBaldwinLongstreet(17901870),whoseGeorgiaScenes(1835)areasimportantin"localcolor"astheyareracyinhumor.Yetnoneofthesewritersyieldtheexcellentshortstorywhichisalsoagoodpieceofhumorousliterature.Buttheyopenedthewayfortheworkoflaterwriterswhodidattainthesecombinedexcellences.

ThesentimentalveinofthemidcenturyisseenintheworkofSebaSmith(17921868),ElizaLeslie(17871858),FrancesMiriamWhitcher("WidowBedott,"18111852),MaryW.Janvrin(18301870),andAliceBradleyHavenNeal(18281863).ThewellknownworkofJosephClayNeal(18071847)issoallpervadedwithcaricatureandhumorthatitbelongswiththeworkoftheprofessionalhumoristschoolratherthanwiththeshortstorywriters.TomentionhisCharcoalSketches,orScenesinaMetropolis(18371849)mustsuffice.TheworkofSebaSmithissufficientlyexpressedinhistitle,



WayDownEast,orPortraituresofYankeeLife(1854),althoughhisLettersofMajorJackDowning(1833)isbetterknown.OfhissinglestoriesmaybementionedTheGeneralCourtandJaneAndrews'FirkinofButter(October,1847,Graham'sMagazine).TheworkofFrancesMiriamWhitcher("WidowBedott")isofsomewhatfinergrain,bothashumorandinotherliteraryqualities.Herstoriesorsketches,suchasAuntMagwire'sAccountofParsonScrantum'sDonationParty(March,1848,Godey'sLady'sBook)andAuntMagwire'sAccountoftheMissiontoMuffletegawmy(July,1859,Godey's),wereafterwardscollectedinTheWidowBedottPapers(18555680).ThescopeoftheworkofMaryB.Havenissufficientlysuggestedbyherstory,Mrs.Bowen'sParlorandSpareBedroom(February,1860,Godey's),whilethebeststoriesofMaryW.JanvrinincludeTheForeignCountor,HighArtinTattletown(October,1860,Godey's)andCityRelationsor,theNewmans'SummeratClovernook(November,1861,Godey's).TheworkofAliceBradleyHavenNealisofsomewhatsimilartexture.Herbook,TheGossipsofRivertown,withSketchesinProseandVerse(1850)indicatesherfield,asdoesthesingletitle,TheThirdClassHotel(December,1861,Godey's).PerhapsthemostrepresentativefigureofthisschoolisElizaLeslie(17871858),whoas"MissLeslie"wasoneofthemostfrequentcontributorstothemagazinesofthe1830's,1840'sand1850's.OneofherbeststoriesisTheWatkinsonEvening(December,1846,Godey'sLady'sBook),includedinthepresentvolumeothersareTheBatsonCottage(November,1846,Godey'sLady'sBook)andJulietIrwinor,theCarriagePeople(June,1847,Godey'sLady'sBook).OneofherchiefcollectionsofstoriesisPencilSketches(18331837)."MissLeslie,"wroteEdgarAllanPoe,"iscelebratedforthehomelynaturalnessofherstoriesandforthebroadsatireofhercomicstyle."ShewastheeditorofTheGiftoneofthebestannualsofthetime,andinthatpositionperhapsexertedherchiefinfluenceonAmericanliteratureWhenonehasreadthreeorfourrepresentativestoriesbythesesevenauthorsonecangraspthemall.Theirtitlesasarulestrikethekeynote.Thesewriters,except"theWidowBedott,"areperhapssentimentalistsratherthanhumoristsinintention,butreadinthelightoflaterdaystheirapparentseriousdelineationsofthefrolicsandfoiblesoftheirtimetakeonahighlyhumorousaspect.

GeorgePopeMorris(18021864)wasoneofthefoundersofTheNewYorkMirror,andforatimeitseditor.Heisbestknownastheauthorofthepoem,Woodman,SpareThatTree,andotherpoemsandsongs.TheLittleFrenchmanandHisWaterLots(1839),thefirststoryinthepresentvolume,isselectednotbecauseMorriswasespeciallyprominentinthefieldoftheshortstoryorhumorousprosebutbecauseofthissinglestory'srepresentativecharacter.EdgarAllanPoe(18091849)followswithTheAngeloftheOdd(October,1844,ColumbianMagazine),perhapsthebestofhishumorousstories.TheSystemofDr.TarrandProf.Fether(November,1845,Graham'sMagazine)mayberatedhigher,butitisnotessentiallyahumorousstory.Ratheritisincisivesatire,withtoobitinganundercurrenttopassmusterinthecompanyofthegenialinliterature.Poe'shumorousstoriesasawholehavetendedtobelittleratherthanincreasehisfame,manyofthemvergingontheinane.Therearesome,however,whichareatleastexcellentfoolingfewmorethanthat.

ProbablythisishardlytheplaceforanextendeddiscussionofPoe,sincethepresentvolumecoversneitherAmericanliteratureasawholenortheAmericanshortstoryingeneral,andPoeisnotahumoristinhismorenotableproductions.LetitbesaidthatPoeinventedorperfectedmoreexactly,perfectedhisowninventionofthemodernshortstorythatishisgeneralandsupremeachievement.Healsostandssuperlativeforthequalityofthreevarietiesofshortstories,thoseofterror,beautyandratiocination.InthefirstclassbelongADescentintotheMaelstrom(1841),ThePitandthePendulum(1842),TheBlackCat(1843),andTheCaskofAmontillado(1846).IntherealmofbeautyhisnotableproductionsareTheAssignation(1834),Shadow:aParable(1835),Ligeia(1838),TheFalloftheHouseofUsher(1839),Eleonora(1841),andTheMasqueoftheRedDeath(1842).ThetalesofratiocinationwhatarenowgenerallytermeddetectivestoriesincludeTheMurdersintheRueMorgue(1841)anditssequel,TheMysteryofMarieRogt(18421843),TheGoldBug(1843),TheOblongBox(1844),"ThouArttheMan"(1844),andThePurloinedLetter(1844).

Then,too,Poewasamasterofstyle,oneofthegreatestinEnglishprose,possiblythegreatestsinceDeQuincey,andquitethemostremarkableamongAmericanauthors.Poe'sinfluenceontheshortstoryformhasbeentremendous.Althoughtheeffectsofstructuremaybeastoundingintheirpoweror



unexpectedness,yetthemeansbywhichtheseeffectsarebroughtaboutarepurelymechanical.Anystudentoffictioncancomprehendthem,almostanypractitioneroffictionwithabenttowardformcanfairlymasterthem.Themeritofanyshortstoryproductiondependsonmanyotherelementsaswellthevalueofthestructuralelementtotheproductionasawholedependsfirstontheselectionoftheparticularsortofstructuralschemebestsuitedtothestoryinhand,andsecondly,onthewayinwhichthisiscombinedwiththepieceofwritingtoformawellbalancedwhole.Styleismoredifficulttoimitatethanstructure,butontheotherhandtheoriginofstructuralinfluenceismoredifficulttotracethanthatofstyle.Sowhile,inageneralway,wefeelthatPoe'sinfluenceonstructureintheshortstoryhasbeengreat,itisdifficultratherthanobvioustotraceparticularinstances.Itisfeltintheadvanceofthegenerallevelofshortstoryart.Thereisnothingpersonalaboutstructurethereiseverythingpersonalaboutstyle.Poe'sstyleisbothtoomuchhisownandtoosuperlativelygoodtobesuccessfullyimitatedwhomhavewehadwho,evenifhewereamasterofstructuraleffects,couldbeasecondPoe?Lookingatthematterinanotherway,Poe'sstyleisnothisownatall.Thereisnothing"personal"aboutitinthepettysenseofthatterm.Ratherwefeelthat,inthecaseofthisauthor,universalityhasbeenattained.ItwasPoe'sgoodfortunetobehimselfinstyle,asoftenincontent,onaplaneofuniversalappeal.Butinsomegeneralcharacteristicsofhisstylehisworkcanbe,notperhapsimitated,butemulated.Greatervividness,deftimpressionism,brevitythatstrikesinstantlytoatellingeffectalltheseanauthormayhavewithoutimitatinganyone'sstylebutratherimitatingexcellence.Poe's"imitators"whohaveamountedtoanythinghavenottriedtoimitatehimbuttoviewithhim.Theyarestrivingafterperfectionism.OfcoursethesortofgoodstyleinwhichPoeindulgedisnotthekindofstyleorthevarietiesofstylesuitedforallpurposes,butforthepurposestowhichitisadapteditmaywellbecalledsupreme.

Thenasapoethisworkisalmostorquiteasexcellentinasomewhatmorerestrictedrange.InverseheisprobablythebestartistinAmericanletters.Herehissolepursuitwasbeauty,bothofformandthoughtheisvividandapt,intenselylyricalbutwithoutmuchrangeofthought.Hehasdeepintuitionsbutnocomprehensivegraspoflife.

Hiscriticismis,onthewhole,theleastimportantpartofhiswork.Hehadafewgoodandbrilliantideaswhichcameatjusttherighttimetomakeastirintheworld,andthesehislogicalmindandtellingstyleenabledhimtopresenttothebestadvantage.Asacriticheisneitherbroadminded,learned,norcomprehensive.Norishe,exceptinthefewideasreferredto,deep.Heis,however,limitedlyoriginalperhapsintenselyoriginalwithinhisnarrowscope.ButtheexcellencesandlimitationsofPoeinanyonepartofhisworkwerehislimitationsandexcellencesinall.

AsPoe'sbestshortstoriesmaybementioned:Metzengerstein(Jan.14,1832,PhiladelphiaSaturdayCourier),Ms.FoundinaBottle(October19,1833,BaltimoreSaturdayVisiter),TheAssignation(January,1834,Godey'sLady'sBook),Berenice(March,1835,SouthernLiteraryMessenger),Morella(April,1835,SouthernLiteraryMessenger),TheUnparalleledAdventureofOneHansPfaall(June,1835,SouthernLiteraryMessenger),KingPest:aTaleContaininganAllegory(September,1835,SouthernLiteraryMessenger),Shadow:aParable(September,1835,SouthernLiteraryMessenger),Ligeia(September,1838,AmericanMuseum),TheFalloftheHouseofUsher(September,1839,Burton'sGentleman'sMagazine),WilliamWilson(1839:Giftfor1840),TheConversationofEirosandCharmion(December,1839,Burton'sGentleman'sMagazine),TheMurdersintheRueMorgue(April,1841,Graham'sMagazine),ADescentintotheMaelstrom(May,1841,Graham'sMagazine),Eleonora(1841:Giftfor1842),TheMasqueoftheRedDeath(May,1842,Graham'sMagazine),ThePitandthePendulum(1842:Giftfor1843),TheTellTaleHeart(January,1843,Pioneer),TheGoldBug(June21and28,1843,DollarNewspaper),TheBlackCat(August19,1843,UnitedStatesSaturdayPost),TheOblongBox(September,1844,Godey'sLady'sBook),TheAngeloftheOdd(October,1844,ColumbianMagazine),"ThouArttheMan"(November,1844,Godey'sLady'sBook),ThePurloinedLetter(1844:Giftfor1845),TheImpofthePerverse(July,1845,Graham'sMagazine),TheSystemofDr.TarrandProf.Fether(November,1845,Graham'sMagazine),TheFactsintheCaseofM.Valdemar(December,1845,AmericanWhigReview),TheCaskofAmontillado(November,1846,Godey'sLady'sBook),andLander'sCottage



(June9,1849,FlagofOurUnion).Poe'schiefcollectionsare:TalesoftheGrotesqueandArabesque(1840),Tales(1845),andTheWorksoftheLateEdgarAllanPoe(185056).Thesetitleshavebeendroppedfromrecenteditionsofhisworks,however,andthestoriesbroughttogetherunderthetitleTales,orundersubdivisionsfurnishedbyhiseditors,suchasTalesofRatiocination,etc.

CarolineMatildaStansburyKirkland(18011864)wroteofthefrontierlifeoftheMiddleWestinthemidnineteenthcentury.HerprincipalcollectionofshortstoriesisWesternClearings(1845),fromwhichTheSchoolmaster'sProgress,firstpublishedinTheGiftfor1845(outin1844),istaken.OtherstoriesrepublishedinthatcollectionareTheBallatThram'sHuddle(April,1840,KnickerbockerMagazine),RecollectionsoftheLandFever(September,1840,KnickerbockerMagazine),andTheBeeTree(TheGiftfor1842outin1841).Herdescriptionofthecountryschoolmaster,"apuppetcutoutofshingleandjerkedbyastring,"andthelocalcoloringeneralofthisandotherstoriesgiveheraleadingplaceamongthewritersofherperiodwhocombinedfidelityindelineatingfrontierlifewithsufficientfictionalinteresttomakeapleasingwholeofpermanentvalue.

GeorgeWilliamCurtis(18241892)gainedhischieffameasanessayist,andprobablybecamebestknownfromthedepartmentwhichheconducted,from1853,asTheEditor'sEasyChairforHarper'sMagazineformanyyears.Hisvolume,PrueandI(1856),containsmanyfictionalelements,andastoryfromit,Titbottom'sSpectacles,whichfirstappearedinPutnam'sMonthlyforDecember,1854,isgiveninthisvolumebecauseitisagoodhumorousshortstoryratherthanbecauseofitsauthor'sgeneraleminenceinthisfield.OtherstoriesofhisworthnotingareTheShroudedPortrait(inTheKnickerbockerGallery,1855)andTheMillenialClub(November,1858,KnickerbockerMagazine).

EdwardEverettHale(18221909)ischieflyknownastheauthoroftheshortstory,TheManWithoutaCountry(December,1863,AtlanticMonthly),buthisventureinthecomicvein,MyDoubleandHowHeUndidMe(September,1859,AtlanticMonthly),isequallyworthyofappreciation.Itwashisfirstpublishedstoryofimportance.Othernoteworthystoriesofhisare:TheBrickMoon(October,NovemberandDecember,1869,AtlanticMonthly),LifeintheBrickMoon(February,1870,AtlanticMonthly),andSusan'sEscort(May,1890,Harper'sMagazine).Hischiefvolumesofshortstoriesare:TheManWithoutaCountry,andOtherTales(1868)TheBrickMoon,andOtherStories(1873)CrusoeinNewYork,andOtherTales(1880)andSusan'sEscort,andOthers(1897).ThestoriesbyHalewhichhavemadehisfameallshowabilityofnomeanorderbuttheyarecharacterizedbyinventionandingenuityratherthanbysuffusingimagination.ThereisnotmuchhomogeneityaboutHale'swork.Almostanytwostoriesofhisreadasiftheymighthavebeenwrittenbydifferentauthors.Forthetimebeingperhapsthisisanadvantagehisstoriescharmbytheirnoveltyandindividuality.Inthelongrun,however,thisprovesratherahandicap.Trueindividuality,inliteratureasintheotherarts,consistsnotin"beingdifferent"ondifferentoccasionsindifferentworkssomuchasinbeingsamelydifferentfromotherwritersinbeingconsistentlyone'sself,ratherthandiffusedlyvariousselves.Thisdoesnotlessenthevalueofparticularstories,ofcourse.ItmerelyinjuresHale'sfameasawhole.Perhapssomewillchieflyfeelnotsomuchthathisstoriesaredifferentamongthemselves,butthattheyarenotstronglyanythinganybody'sinparticular,thattheylackstrongpersonality.Thepathwaytofameisstrewnwithstrayexhibitionsoftalent.Apartfromhispurelyliteraryproductions,Halewasoneofthelargemoralforcesofhistime,through"uplift"bothinspeechandthewrittenword.

OliverWendellHolmes(18091894),oneoftheleadingwitsofAmericanliterature,isnotatallwellknownasashortstorywriter,nordidhewritemanybriefpiecesoffiction.HisfamerestschieflyonhispoemsandontheBreakfastTablebooks(1858186018721890).OldIronsides,TheLastLeaf,TheChamberedNautilusandHomesickinHeavenaresecureofplacesintheanthologiesofthefuture,whilehislighterversehasmadehimoneoftheleadingAmericanwritersof"familiarverse."FrederickLockerLampsonintheprefacetothefirsteditionofhisLyraElegantiarum(1867)declaredthatHolmeswas"perhapsthebestlivingwriterofthisspeciesofverse."HistrenchantattackonHomeopathyandItsKindredDelusions(1842)makesuswonderwhatwouldhavebeenhisattitudetowardsomeofthebeliefsofourowndayChristianScience,forexample.Hemighthave"exposed"



itundersomesuchtitleasTheReligioMedicalMasquerade,orbroughtthebatteriesofhishumortobearonitinthemannerofRobertLouisStevenson'sfable,SomethingInIt:"Perhapsthereisnotmuchinit,asIsupposedbutthereissomethinginitafterall.Letmebethankfulforthat."InHolmes'longworksoffiction,ElsieVenner(1861),TheGuardianAngel(1867)andAMortalAntipathy(1885),themethodisstillsomewhatthatoftheessayist.IhavefoundashortpieceoffictionbyhimintheMarch,1832,numberofTheNewEnglandMagazine,calledTheDbut,signedO.W.H.TheStoryofIrisinTheProfessorattheBreakfastTable,whichraninTheAtlanticthroughout1859,andAVisittotheAsylumforAgedandDecayedPunsters(January,1861,Atlantic)arehisonlyotherbrieffictionsofwhichIamaware.ThelastnamedhasbeengivenplaceinthepresentselectionbecauseitischaracteristicofacertaintypeandperiodofAmericanhumor,althoughitsshortstoryqualitiesarenotparticularlystrong.

SamuelLanghorneClemens(18351910),whoachievedfameas"MarkTwain,"isonlyincidentallyashortstorywriter,althoughhewrotemanyshortpiecesoffiction.Hishumorousquality,Imean,issopreponderant,thatonehardlythinksoftheform.Indeed,heisneververystronginfictionalconstruction,andofthemodernshortstoryartheevidentlykneworcaredlittle.Heisahumoristinthelargesense,asareRabelaisandCervantes,althoughheisalsoahumoristinvariousrestrictedapplicationsofthewordthatarewhollyAmerican.TheCelebratedJumpingFrogofCalaverasCountywashisfirstpublicationofimportance,anditsawthelightintheNov.18,1865,numberofTheSaturdayPress.Itwasrepublishedinthecollection,TheCelebratedJumpingFrogofCalaverasCounty,andOtherSketches,in1867.Othersofhisbestpiecesofshortfictionare:TheCanvasser'sTale(December,1876,AtlanticMonthly),The1,000,000BankNote(January,1893,CenturyMagazine),TheEsquimauMaiden'sRomance(November,1893,Cosmopolitan),TravelingwithaReformer(December,1893,Cosmopolitan),TheManThatCorruptedHadleyburg(December,1899,Harper's),ADoubleBarrelledDetectiveStory(JanuaryandFebruary,1902,Harper's)ADog'sTale(December,1903,Harper's),andEve'sDiary(December,1905,Harper's).AmongTwain'schiefcollectionsofshortstoriesare:TheCelebratedJumpingFrogofCalaverasCounty,andOtherSketches(1867)TheStolenWhiteElephant(1882),The1,000,000BankNote(1893),andTheManThatCorruptedHadleyburg,andOtherStoriesandSketches(1900).

HarryStillwellEdwards(1855),anativeofGeorgia,togetherwithSarahBarnwellElliott(?)andWillN.Harben(18581919)havecontinuedintheveinofthatearlierwriter,AugustusBaldwinLongstreet(17901870),authorofGeorgiaScenes(1835).Edwards'bestworkistobefoundinhisshortstoriesofblackandwhitelifeafterthemannerofRichardMalcolmJohnston.Hehaswrittenseveralnovels,butheisessentiallyawriterofhumannaturesketches."Heishumorousandpicturesque,"saysFredLewisPattee,"andoftenheisforamomentthemasterofpathos,buthehasaddednothingnewandnothingcommandinglydistinctive."[3]AnexceptiontothismightbemadeinfavorofElderBrown'sBackslide(August,1885,Harper's),astoryinwhichalltheelementsaresonicelybalancedthattheresultmaywellbecalledamasterpieceofobjectivehumorandpathos.Othersofhisshortstoriesespeciallyworthyofmentionare:TwoRunaways(July,1886,Century),SisterTodhunter'sHeart(July,1887,Century),"DeValleyan'deShadder"(January,1888,Century),AnIdylof"Sinkin'Mount'in"(October,1888,Century),TheRivalSouls(March,1889,Century),TheWoodhavenGoat(March,1899,Century),andTheShadow(December,1906,Century).HischiefcollectionsareTwoRunaways,andOtherStories(1889)andHisDefense,andOtherStories(1898).

Themostnotable,however,ofthegroupofshortstorywritersofGeorgialifeisperhapsRichardMalcolmJohnston(18221898).HestandsbetweenLongstreetandtheyoungerwritersofGeorgialife.Hisfirstbookwas_GeorgiaSketches,byanOldMan(1864).TheGoosePondSchool,ashortstory,hadbeenwrittenin1857itwasnotpublished,however,tillitappearedintheNovemberandDecember,1869,numbersofaSouthernmagazine,TheNewEclectic,overthepseudonym"PhilemonPerch."HisfamousDukesboroughTales(18711874)waslargelyarepublicationoftheearlierbook.Othernoteworthycollectionsofhisare:Mr.AbsalomBillingsleaandOtherGeorgiaFolk(1888),Mr.Fortner'sMaritalClaims,andOtherStories(1892),andOldTimesinMiddleGeorgia(1897).Amongindividualstoriesstandout:TheOrganGrinder(July,1870,NewEclectic),Mr.Neelus



Peeler'sConditions(June,1879,Scribner'sMonthly),TheBriefEmbarrassmentofMr.IversonBlount(September,1884,Century)TheHotelExperienceofMr.PinkFluker(June,1886,Century),republishedinthepresentcollectionTheWimpyAdoptions(February,1887,Century),TheExperimentsofMissSallyCash(September,1888,Century),andOurWitch(March,1897,Century).JohnstonmustberankedalmostwithBretHarteasapioneerin"localcolor"work,althoughhisworkhadlittlerecognitionuntilhisDukesboroughTaleswererepublishedbyHarper&Brothersin1883.

BretHarte(18391902)ismentionedhereowingtothelatedateofhisstoryincludedinthisvolume,ColonelStarbottleforthePlaintiff(March,1901,Harper's),althoughhisworkasawholeofcoursebelongstoanearlierperiodofourliterature.ItisnowwellthumbedliteraryhistorythatTheLuckofRoaringCamp(August,1868,Overland)andTheOutcastsofPokerFlat(January,1869,Overland)broughthimapopularitythat,initssuddennessandextent,hadnoprecedentinAmericanliteraturesaveinthecaseofMrs.StoweandUncleTom'sCabin.AccordingtoHarte'sownstatement,madeintheretrospectoflateryears,hesetoutdeliberatelytoaddanewprovincetoAmericanliterature.Althoughhisworkhasbeenbelittledbecausehehaschosenexceptionalandtheatrichappenings,yethisrealstrengthcamefromhiscontactwithWesternlife.

IrvingandDickensandothermodelsservedonlytoteachhimhisart."Finally,"saysProf.Pattee,"Hartewastheparentofthemodernformoftheshortstory.ItwashewhostartedKiplingandCableandThomasNelsonPage.Fewindeedhavesurpassedhiminthemechanicsofthismostdifficultofarts.Accordingtohisownbelief,theformisanAmericanproductHartehasdescribedthegenesisofhisownart.ItsprangfromtheWesternhumorandwasdevelopedbythecircumstancesthatsurroundedhim.Manyofhisshortstoriesaremodels.Theycontainnotasuperfluousword,theyhandleasingleincidentwithgrapicpower,theyclosewithoutmoralorcomment.Theformcameasanaturalevolutionfromhislimitationsandpowers.Withhimthestorymustofnecessitybebrief.BretHartewastheartistofimpulse,thepainterofsingleburningmoments,theflashlightphotographerwhocaughtinluriddetailonedramaticepisodeinthelifeofamanoracommunityandlefttherestindarkness."[4]

Harte'shumorismostly"Westernhumor"Thereisnotalwaysuproariousmerriment,butthereisaconstantbackgroundofhumor.IknowofnomoreamusingsceneinAmericanliteraturethanthatinthecourtroomwhentheColonelgiveshisversionofthedeacon'smethodofsignalingtothewidowinHarte'sstoryincludedinthepresentvolume,ColonelStarbottleforthePlaintiff.Hereispartofit:

"Truetotheinstructionsshehadreceivedfromhim,herlipspartinthemusicalutterance(theColonelloweredhisvoiceinafaintfalsetto,presumablyinfondimitationofhisfairclient)Kerree!'Instantlythenightbecomesresonantwiththeimpassionedreply(theColonelhereliftedhisvoiceinstentoriantones),Kerrow!'Again,ashepasses,risesthesoftKerree!'again,ashisformislostinthedistance,comesbackthedeepKerrow!'"

WhileHarte'sstoriesallhaveinthemacertainelementorbackgroundofhumor,yetperhapsthemajorityofthemarechieflyromanticordramaticevenmorethantheyarehumorous.

Amongthebestofhisshortstoriesmaybementioned:TheLuckofRoaringCamp(August,1868,Overland),TheOutcastsofPokerFlat(January,1869,Overland),Tennessee'sPartner(October,1869,Overland),BrownofCalaveras(March,1870,Overland),Flip:aCaliforniaRomance(inFlip,andOtherStories,1882),LeftOutonLoneStarMountain(January,1884,Longman's),AnIngenueoftheSierras(July,1894,McClure's),TheBellRingerofAngel's(inTheBellRingerofAngel's,andOtherStories,1894),ChuChu(inTheBellRingerofAngel's,andOtherStories,1894),TheManandtheMountain(inTheAncestorsofPeterAtherly,andOtherTales,1897),SalomyJane'sKiss(inStoriesinLightandShadow,1898),TheYoungestMissPiper(February,1900,Leslie'sMonthly),ColonelStarbottleforthePlaintiff(March,1901,Harper's),AMercuryoftheFoothills(July,1901,Cosmopolitan),LantyFoster'sMistake(December,1901,NewEngland),AnAliBabaoftheSierras(January4,1902,SaturdayEveningPost),andDickBoyle'sBusinessCard(inTrent'sTrust,andOtherStories,1903).Amonghisnotablecollectionsofstoriesare:TheLuckofRoaringCamp,and



OtherSketches(1870),Flip,andOtherStories(1882),OntheFrontier(1884),ColonelStarbottle'sClient,andSomeOtherPeople(1892),AProtgofJackHamlin's,andOtherStories(1894),TheBellRingerofAngel's,andOtherStories(1894),TheAncestorsofPeterAtherly,andOtherTales(1897),OpeningsintheOldTrail(1902),andTrent'sTrust,andOtherStories(1903).Thetitlesandmakeupofseveralofhiscollectionswerechangedwhentheycametobearrangedinthecompleteeditionofhisworks.[5]

HenryCuylerBunner(18551896)isoneofthehumorousgeniusesofAmericanliterature.Heisequallyathomeincleververseorthebriefshortstory.Prof.FredLewisPatteehassummeduphisachievementasfollows:"Another[thanStockton]whodidmuchtoadvancetheshortstorytowardthemechanicalperfectionithadattainedtoatthecloseofthecenturywasHenryCuylerBunner,editorofPuckandcreatorofsomeofthemostexquisiteversdesocitoftheperiod.Thetitleofoneofhiscollections,MadeinFrance:FrenchTalesRetoldwithaU.S.Twist(1893),formsanintroductiontohisfiction.Notthathewasanimitatorfewhavebeenmoreoriginalorhaveputmoreoftheirownpersonalityintotheirwork.HisgeniuswasGallic.LikeAldrich,heapproachedtheshortstoryfromthefastidiousstandpointofthelyricpoet.Withhim,aswithAldrich,artwasamatterofexquisitetouches,ofinfinitecompression,ofalmostimperceptibleshadings.Theluridsplashesandtheheavyemphasisofthelocalcoloristsoffendedhissensitivetaste:hewouldworkwithsuggestion,withmicroscopicfocussings,andalwayswithdignityandelegance.HewasmoreAmericanthanHenryJames,moreeventhanAldrich.HechosealwaysdistinctivelyAmericansubjectsNewYorkCitywashisfavoritethemeandhisworkhadmoredepthofsoulthanStockton'sorAldrich's.Thestorymaybetrivial,amereexpandedanecdote,yetitissuretobesovitallytreatedthat,likeMaupassant'swork,itgripsandremains,and,whatismore,itliftsandchastensorexplains.ItmaybesaidwithassurancethatShortSixesmarksoneofthehighplaceswhichhavebeenattainedbytheAmericanshortstory."[6]

AmongBunner'sbeststoriesare:LoveinOldCloathes(September,1883,Century),ASuccessfulFailure(July,1887,Puck),TheLoveLettersofSmith(July23,1890,Puck)TheNicePeople(July30,1890,Puck),TheNineCentGirls(August13,1890,Puck),TheTwoChurchesof'Quawket(August27,1890,Puck),ARoundUp(September10,1890,Puck),ASisterlyScheme(September24,1890,Puck),OurAromaticUncle(August,1895,Scribner's),TheTimeTableTest(inTheSuburbanSage,1896).HecollaboratedwithProf.BranderMatthewsinseveralstories,notablyinTheDocumentsintheCase(Sept.,1879,Scribner'sMonthly).Hisbestcollectionsare:_ShortSixes:StoriestobeReadWhiletheCandleBurns(1891),MoreShortSixes(1894),andLoveinOldCloathes,andOtherStories(1896).

AfterPoeandHawthornealmostthefirstauthorinAmericatomakeavertiginousimpressionbyhisshortstorieswasBretHarte.Thewideandsuddenpopularityheattainedbythepublicationofhistwoshortstories,TheLuckofRoaringCamp(1868)andTheOutcastsofPokerFlat(1869),hasalreadybeennoted.[7]ButonestoryjustbeforeHartethatastonishedthefictionaudiencewithitspowerandartwasHarrietPrescottSpofford's(1835)TheAmberGods(JanuaryandFebruary,1860,Atlantic),withitsstartlingending,"Imusthavediedattenminutespastone."AfterHartethenextstorytomakeagreatsensationwasThomasBaileyAldrich'sMarjorieDaw(April,1873,Atlantic),astorywithasurpriseattheend,ashadbeenhisAStruggleforLife(July,1867,Atlantic),althoughitwasonlyMarjorieDawthatattractedmuchattentionatthetime.ThencameGeorgeWashingtonCable's(1844)"PossonJone',"(April1,1876,Appleton'sJournal)andalittlelaterCharlesEgbertCraddock's(1850)TheDancin'PartyatHarrison'sCove(May,1878,Atlantic)andTheStarintheValley(November,1878,Atlantic).ButtheworkofCableandCraddock,thoughofsterlingworth,wonitswaygradually.EvenEdwardEverettHale's(18221909)MyDoubleandHowHeUndidMe(September,1859,Atlantic)andTheManWithoutaCountry(December,1863,Atlantic)hadfallencomparativelystillborn.Thetrulyastoundingshortstorysuccesses,afterPoeandHawthorne,then,wereSpofford,BretHarteandAldrich.NextcameFrankRichardStockton(18341902)."TheinterestcreatedbytheappearanceofMarjorieDaw,"saysProf.Pattee,"wasmildcomparedwiththataccordedtoFrankR.Stockton'sTheLadyortheTiger?(1884).Stocktonhadnotthetechniqueof



Aldrichnorhisnaturalnessandease.Certainlyhehadnothisatmosphereofthebeaumondeandhisgraceofstyle,butinwhimsicalityandunexpectednessandinthatsubtleartthatmakestheobviouslyimpossibleseemperfectlyplausibleandcommonplacehesurpassednotonlyhimbutEdwardEverettHaleandallothers.AfterStocktonandTheLadyortheTiger?itwasrealizedevenbytheuncriticalthatshortstorywritinghadbecomeasubtleartandthatthemasterofitssubtletieshadhisreaderathismercy."[8]ThepublicationofStockton'sshortstoriescoversaperiodofoverfortyyears,fromMahala'sDrive(November,1868,Lippincott's)toTheTroubleSheCausedWhenSheKissed(December,1911,Ladies'HomeJournal),publishednineyearsafterhisdeath.Amongthemorenotableofhisstoriesmaybementioned:TheTransferredGhost(May,1882,Century),TheLadyortheTiger?(November,1882,Century),TheReversibleLandscape(July,1884,Century),TheRemarkableWreckofthe"ThomasHyke"(August,1884,Century),"HisWife'sDeceasedSister"(January,1884,Century),ATaleofNegativeGravity(December,1884,Century),TheChristmasWreck(inTheChristmasWreck,andOtherStories,1886),AmosKilbright(inAmosKilbright,HisAdscititiousExperiences,withOtherStories,1888),Asaph(May,1892,Cosmopolitan),MyTerminalMoraine(April26,1892,Collier'sOnceaWeekLibrary),TheMagicEgg(June,1894,Century),TheBullerPodingtonCompact(August,1897,Scribner's),andTheWidow'sCruise(inAStoryTeller'sPack,1897).Mostofhisbestworkwasgatheredintothecollections:TheLadyortheTiger?,andOtherStories(1884),TheBeeManofOrn,andOtherFancifulTales(1887),AmosKilbright,HisAdscititiousExperiences,withOtherStories(1888),TheClocksofRondaine,andOtherStories(1892),AChosenFew(1895),AStoryTeller'sPack(1897),andTheQueen'sMuseum,andOtherFancifulTales(1906).

AfterStocktonandBunnercomeO.Henry(18621910)andJackLondon(18761916),apostlesoftheburlyandvigorousinfiction.BesideorabovethemstandHenryJames(18431916)althoughhebelongstoanearlierperiodaswellEdithWharton(1862),AliceBrown(1857),MargaretWadeDeland(1857),andKatharineFullertonGerould(1879),practitionersinallthatO.HenryandLondonarenot,ofthefinerfields,themoresubtlenuancesofmodernlife.WithO.HenryandLondon,thoughperhapslessnoteworthy,aretobegroupedGeorgeRandolphChester(1869)andIrvinShrewsburyCobb(1876).Then,standingrathereachbyhimself,areMelvilleDavissonPost(1871),amasterofpsychologicalmysterystories,andWilburDanielSteele(1886),whoseworkitishardtoclassify.ThesetennamesrepresentmuchthatisbestinAmericanshortstoryproductionsincethebeginningofthetwentiethcentury(1900).NotallarenotableforhumorbutinasmuchasanyconsiderationoftheAmericanhumorousshortstorycannotbewhollydissociatedfromaconsiderationoftheAmericanshortstoryingeneral,ithasseemednotamisstomentiontheseauthorshere.AlthoughSarahOrneJewett(18491909)livedonintothetwentiethcenturyandMaryE.WilkinsFreeman(1862)isstillwithus,thebestandmosttypicalworkofthesetwowritersbelongsinthelasttwodecadesofthepreviouscentury.ToanearlierperiodalsobelongCharlesEgbertCraddock(1850),GeorgeWashingtonCable(1844),ThomasNelsonPage(1853),ConstanceFenimoreWoolson(18481894),HarrietPrescottSpofford(1835),HamlinGarland(1860),AmbroseBierce(1842?),RoseTerryCooke(18271892),andKateChopin(18511904).

"O.Henry"wasthepennameadoptedbyWilliamSydneyPorter.HebeganhisshortstorycareerbycontributingWhistlingDick'sChristmasStockingtoMcClure'sMagazinein1899.HefolloweditwithmanystoriesdealingwithWesternandSouthandCentralAmericanlife,andlatercamemostofhisstoriesofthelifeofNewYorkCity,inwhichfieldliesmostofhisbestwork.HecontributedmorestoriestotheNewYorkWorldthantoanyotheronepublicationasifthestoriesoftheauthorwholatercametobehailedas"theAmericanMaupassant"werenotgoodenoughforthe"leading"magazinesbutfitonlyforthesensationlovingpublicoftheSundaypapers!HisfirstpublishedstorythatshoweddistinctstrengthwasperhapsABlackjackBargainer(August,1901,Munsey's).Hefollowedthiswithsuchmasterlystoriesas:TheDuplicityofHargraves(February,1902,JuniorMunsey),TheMarionettes(April,1902,BlackCat),ARetrievedReformation(April,1903,Cosmopolitan),TheGuardianoftheAccolade(May,1903,Cosmopolitan),TheEnchantedKiss(February,1904,Metropolitan),TheFurnishedRoom(August14,1904,NewYorkWorld),AnUnfinishedStory(August,1905,McClure's),TheCountandtheWeddingGuest(October8,1905,



NewYorkWorld),TheGiftoftheMagi(December10,1905,NewYorkWorld),TheTrimmedLamp(August,1906,McClure's),Phoebe(November,1907,Everybody's),TheHidingofBlackBill(October,1908,Everybody's),NoStory(June,1909,Metropolitan),AMunicipalReport(November,1909,Hampton's),AServiceofLove(inTheFourMillion,1909),ThePendulum(inTheTrimmedLamp,1910),BrickdustRow(inTheTrimmedLamp,1910),andTheAssessorofSuccess(inTheTrimmedLamp,1910).AmongO.Henry'sbestvolumesofshortstoriesare:TheFourMillion(1909),Options(1909),RoadsofDestiny(1909),TheTrimmedLamp(1910),StrictlyBusiness:MoreStoriesoftheFourMillion(1910),Whirligigs(1910),andSixesandSevens(1911).

"Nowhereisthereanythingjustlikethem.Inhisbestworkandhistalesofthegreatmetropolisarehisbestheisunique.Thesoulofhisartisunexpectedness.Humorateveryturnthereis,andsentimentandphilosophyandsurprise.Onenevermaybesureofhimself.Theendisalwaysasensation.Noforesightmaypredictit,andthesensationalwaysisgenuine.WhateverelseO.Henrywas,hewasanartist,amasterofplotanddiction,agenuinehumorist,andaphilosopher.Hisweaknesslayintheverynatureofhisart.Hewasanentertainerbentonlyonamusingandsurprisinghisreader.Everywherebrilliancy,buttoooftenitisjoinedtocheapnessart,yetartmergingswiftlyintocaricature.LikeHarte,hecannotbetrusted.BothwritersonthewholemaybesaidtohaveloweredthestandardsofAmericanliterature,sincebothworkedinthesurfaceoflifewiththeatricintentandalwayswithoutmoralbackground,O.Henrymoves,butheneverlifts.Allisfortissimoheslapsthereaderonthebackandlaughsloudlyasifhewereinabarroom.Hischaracters,withfewexceptions,areextremes,caricatures.Evenhisshopgirls,inthelimningofwhomhedidhisbestwork,arenotreallyindividualsratheraretheytypes,symbols.Hisworkwasliteraryvaudeville,brilliant,highlyamusing,andyetvaudeville."[9]TheDuplicityofHargraves,thestorybyO.Henrygiveninthisvolume,isfreefrommostofhisdefects.Ithasablendofhumorandpathosthatputsitonaplaneofuniversalappeal.

GeorgeRandolphChester(1869)gaineddistinctionbycreatingthegenialmodernbusinessmanofAmericanliteraturewhoisnotcontentto"getrichquick"throughtheordinarychannels.NeedIsaythatIrefertothatamazingcompoundoflikeablenessandsharppractices,GetRichQuickWallingford?Thestoryofhisincludedinthisvolume,BargainDayatTuttHouse(June,1905,McClure's),wasnearlyhisfirststoryonlytwoothers,whichcameoutinTheSaturdayEveningPostin1903and1904,precededit.Itsbreathlessdramaticactioniswellbalancedbyhumor.Otherstoriesofhisdeservingofspecialmentionare:ACornerinFarmers(February,29,1908,SaturdayEveningPost),AFortuneinSmoke(March14,1908,SaturdayEveningPost),EasyMoney(November14,1908,SaturdayEveningPost),TheTripleCross(December5,1908,SaturdayEveningPost),SpoilingtheEgyptians(December26,1908,SaturdayEveningPost),Whipsawed!(January16,1909,SaturdayEveningPost),TheBubbleBank(January30andFebruary6,1909,SaturdayEveningPost),StraightBusiness(February27,1909,SaturdayEveningPost),SamTurner:aBusinessMan'sLoveStory(March26,April2and9,1910,SaturdayEveningPost),FundamentalJustice(July25,1914,SaturdayEveningPost),AScropperPatcher(October,1916,Everybody's),andJollyBachelors(February,1918,Cosmopolitan).Hisbestcollectionsare:GetRichQuickWallingford(1908),YoungWallingford(1910),WallingfordinHisPrime(1913),andWallingfordandBlackieDaw(1913).Itisoftendifficulttofindinhisbooksshortstoriesthatonemaybelookingfor,forthereasonthatthetitlesoftheindividualstorieshavebeenremovedinordertomakethebookslooklikenovelssubdividedintochapters.

GraceMacGowanCooke(1863)isawriterallofwhoseworkhasinterestandperdurablestuffinit,butfewaretheauthorswhoseachievementsintheAmericanshortstorystandoutasawhole.InACall(August,1906,Harper's)shesurpassesherselfandisnotperhapsherselfsurpassedbyanyofthehumorousshortstoriesthathavecometotheforesofarinAmericainthetwentiethcentury.Thestoryisnolessdelightfulinitsfidelitytofactandunderstandingofyounghumannaturethaninitsrelishofhumor.Someofherstoriesdeservingofspecialmentionare:TheCaptureofAndyProudfoot(June,1904,Harper's),IntheStrengthoftheHills(December,1905,Metropolitan),TheMachinationsofOcoeeGallantine(April,1906,Century),ACall(August,1906,Harper's),ScottBohannon'sBond



(May4,1907,Collier's),andACleanShave(November,1912,Century).Herbestshortstoriesdonotseemtohavebeencollectedinvolumesasyet,althoughshehashadseveralnotablelongworksoffictionpublished,suchasThePowerandtheGlory(1910),andseveralgoodjuveniles.

WilliamJamesLampton(?1917),whowasknowntomanyofhisadmirersasWillLamptonorasW.J.L.merely,wasoneofthemostuniqueandinterestingcharactersofliteraryandBohemianNewYorkfromabout1895tohisdeathin1917.IrememberwalkingupFifthAvenuewithhimoneSundayafternoonjustafterhehadshownmealetterfromthemanwhowasthenComptrolleroftheCurrency.Theletterwassignedsoillegiblythatmycompanionwasindoubtsastothesender,sohesuggestedthatwestopatawellknownhotelatthecornerof59thStreet,andaskthemanagerwhotheComptrolleroftheCurrencythenwas,sothathemightknowwhomtheletterwasfrom.Hesaidthatthemanagerofabighotellikethat,wheremanyprominentpeoplestayed,wouldbesuretoknow.Whenthisproblemhadbeensolvedtooursatisfaction,JohnSkeltonWilliamsprovingtobetheman,Lamptonsaid,"Nowyou'vetoldmewhoheis,I'llshowyouwhoIam."SoheaskedforacopyofTheAmericanMagazineatanewsstandinthehotelcorridor,openedit,andshowedthemanagerafullpagepictureofhimselfcladinacostumesuggestiveofthetimeofChristopherColumbus,withhighruffsaroundhisneck,thathappenedtoappearinthemagazinethecurrentmonth.Imentionthisincidenttoillustratethelackofconventionalityandwhimsicaloriginalityoftheman,thatstoodoutnolessforciblyinhiswritingsthaninhisdailylife.Hehadlittleusefor"doingtheusualthingintheusualsortofway."Hefirstgainedprominencebyhisbookofverse,Yawps(1900).Hispoemswerefreefromconventionintechniqueaswellasinspirit,althoughtheirchiefinnovationwassimplythatasaruletherewasnoregularnumberofsyllablesinalineheletthelinesbeanylengththeywantedtobe,tofitthesenseorthelengthofwhathehadtosay.Heoncesaidtomethatifanythingofhiswasrememberedhethoughtitwouldbehispoem,Lo,theSummerGirl.Hismuseoftentookthedirectionofsatire,butitwasalwaysgoodnaturedevenwhenithitthehardest.Hehadinhismakeupmuchofthedetachedphilosopher,likeCervantesandMarkTwain.

Therewassomethingcosmicabouthisattitudetolife,andthisshowedinmuchthathedid.HewastheonlyAmericanwriterofhumorousverseofhisdaywhomIalwayscaredtoread,orwhoselinesIcouldremembermorethanafewweeks.Thiswasperhapsbecausehisworkwasnevermerelyhumorous,butalwayshadabigsweepofbackgroundtoit,liketheruggednessoftheKentuckymountainsfromwhichhecame.ItwasColonelGeorgeHarvey,theneditorofHarper'sWeekly,whohadstartedtheboomtomakeWoodrowWilsonPresident.Wilsonafterwards,atleastseemingly,repudiatedhissponsor,probablybecauseofHarvey'sidentificationwithvariousmoneyedinterests.Lampton'spoemonthesubject,withitsrefrain,"Neveragain,saidColonelGeorge,"Irememberasoneofthemostnotableofhispoemsoncurrenttopics.ButwhatalwaysseemedtomethebestofhispoemsdealingwithmattersofthehourwasonethatIsuggestedhewrite,whichdealtwithgiftgivingtothepublic,ataboutthetimethatAndrewCarnegiewasmakingabigstirwithhisgiftsforlibraries,beginning:

Dunno,perhapsOneoftheyapsLikemewouldmakeAholybreakDoinghisturnWithmoneytoburn.Anyhow,IWouldn'tshyMakingatry!

andcontaining,amongmanyeffectivetouches,thepatheticlines,

I'dhelpThepoorwhotrytohelpthemselves,Whohavetoworksohardforbread



Theycan'tgetveryfarahead.

WhenJamesLaneAllen'snovel,TheReignofLaw,cameout(1900),alittlequatrainbyLamptonthatappearedinTheBookman(September,1900)sweptlikewildfireacrossthecountry,andwasreadbyahundredtimesasmanypeopleasthebookitself:

"TheReignofLaw"?Well,Allen,you'reluckyIt'sthefirsttimeiteverRainedlawinKentucky!

ThereaderneednotberemindedthatatthatperiodKentuckyfamilyfeudswerewelltothefore.AsLamptonhadstartedasapoet,theeditorswereboundtokeephimpigeonholedasfarastheycould,andhisambitiontowriteshortstorieswasnotatfirstmuchencouragedbythem.HispredicamentwassomethinglikethatofthechiefcharacterofFrankR.Stockton'sstory,"HisWife'sDeceasedSister"(January,1884,Century),whohadwrittenastorysogoodthatwheneverhebroughttheeditorsanotherstorytheyinvariablyansweredinsubstance,"We'reafraiditwon'tdo.Can'tyougiveussomethinglike'HisWife'sDeceasedSister'?"ThiswasmerelyStockton'sturningtoaccounthisownsomewhatsimilarexperiencewiththeeditorsafterhisstory,TheLadyortheTiger?(November,1882,Century)appeared.Likewisetheeditorsdidn'twantLampton'sshortstoriesforawhilebecausetheylikedhispoemssowell.

DoIhearsomecriticsexclaimingthatthereisnothingremarkableaboutHowtheWidowWontheDeacon,thestorybyLamptonincludedinthisvolume?Ithandlesanamusingsituationlightlyandwithgrace.Itisoneofthosethingsthatreadeasilyandareoftendifficulttoachieve.Amonghisbeststoriesare:ThePeople'sNumberoftheWorthyvilleWatchman(May12,1900,SaturdayEveningPost),Love'sStrangeSpell(April27,1901,SaturdayEveningPost),AbimelechHiggins'Way(August24,1001,SaturdayEveningPost),ACupofTea(March,1902,Metropolitan),WinningHisSpurs(May,1904,Cosmopolitan),ThePerfidyofMajorPulsifer(November,1909,Cosmopolitan),HowtheWidowWontheDeacon(April,1911,Harper'sBazaar),andABrownStudy(December,1913,Lippincott's).Thereisnocollectionasyetofhisshortstories.Althoughfamiliarlyknownas"Colonel"Lampton,andalthoughofKentucky,hewasnotmerelya"KentuckyColonel,"forhewasactuallyappointedColonelonthestaffofthegovernorofKentucky.AtthetimeofhisdeathhewasabouttobemadeabrigadiergeneralandwasplanningtoraiseabrigadeofKentuckymountaineersforserviceintheGreatWar.Ashehadjuststruckhisstrideinshortstorywriting,thelosstoliteraturewasevengreaterthanthepatrioticloss.

Gideon(April,1914,Century),byWellsHastings(1878),thestorywithwhichthisvolumecloses,callstomindthelargenumberofnotableshortstoriesinAmericanliteraturebywriterswhohavemadenolargenameforthemselvesasshortstorywriters,orevenotherwiseinletters.Americanliteraturehasalwaysbeenstronginits"stray"shortstoriesofnote.InMr.Hastings'case,however,Ifeelthatthefameissuretocome.HegraduatedfromYalein1902,collaboratedwithBrianHooker(1880)inanovel,TheProfessor'sMystery(1911)andalonewroteanothernovel,TheManintheBrownDerby(1911).Hisshortstoriesinclude:TheNewLittleBoy(July,1911,American),ThatDay(September,1911,American),ThePickUp(December,1911,Everybody's),andGideon(April,1914,Century).Thelaststorystandsout.Itcanbecomparedwithoutdisadvantagetothebestwork,orallbuttheverybestwork,ofThomasNelsonPage,itseemstome.Andfromthereader'sstandpointithastheadvantageisthisnotalsoanauthor'sadvantage?ofamoremodernsettingandtreatment.Mr.Hastingsis,Ihavebeentold,adirectorinoveradozenlargecorporations.Letushopethathisbusinessactivitieswillnotkeephimtoomuchawayfromtheproductionofliteraturefortorankasapieceofliterature,somethingofpermanentliteraryvalue,Gideonissurelyentitled.

ALEXANDERJESSUP.



CONTENTS

INTRODUCTIONAlexanderJessup

THELITTLEFRENCHMANANDHISWATERLOTS(1839)GeorgePopeMorris

THEANGELOFTHEODD(1844)EdgarAllanPoe

THESCHOOLMASTER'SPROGRESS(1844)CarolineM.S.Kirkland

THEWATKINSONEVENING(1846)ElizaLeslie

TITBOTTOM'SSPECTACLES(1854)GeorgeWilliamCurtis

MYDOUBLEANDHOWHEUNDIDME(1859)EdwardEverettHale

AVISITTOTHEASYLUMFORAGEDANDDECAYEDPUNSTERS(1861)OliverWendellHolmes

THECELEBRATEDJUMPINGFROGOFCALAVERASCOUNTY(1865)MarkTwain

ELDERBROWN'SBACKSLIDE(1885)HarryStillwellEdwards

THEHOTELEXPERIENCEOFMR.PINKFLUKER(1886)RichardMalcolmJohnston

THENICEPEOPLE(1890)HenryCuylerBunner

THEBULLERPODINGTONCOMPACT(1897)FrankRichardStockton

COLONELSTARBOTTLEFORTHEPLAINTIFF(1901)BretHarte

THEDUPLICITYOFHARGRAVES(1902)O.Henry

BARGAINDAYATTUTTHOUSE(1905)GeorgeRandolphChester

ACALL(1906)GraceMacGowanCooke

HOWTHEWIDOWWONTHEDEACON(1911)WilliamJamesLampton

GIDEON(1914)WellsHastings

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

TheNicePeople,byHenryCuylerBunner,isrepublishedfromhisvolume,ShortSixes,bypermissionofitspublishers,CharlesScribner'sSons.TheBullerPodingtonCompact,byFrankRichardStockton,isfromhisvolume,AfieldandAfloat,andisrepublishedbypermissionofCharlesScribner'sSons.ColonelStarbottleforthePlaintiff,byBretHarte,isfromthecollectionofhisstoriesentitledOpeningsintheOldTrail,andisrepublishedbypermissionoftheHoughtonMifflinCompany,theauthorizedpublishersofBretHarte'scompleteworks.TheDuplicityofHargraves,by



O.Henry,isfromhisvolume,SixesandSevens,andisrepublishedbypermissionofitspublishers,Doubleday,Page&Co.Thesestoriesarefullyprotectedbycopyright,andshouldnotberepublishedexceptbypermissionofthepublishersmentioned.ThanksaredueMrs.GraceMacGowanCookeforpermissiontouseherstory,ACall,republishedherefromHarper'sMagazineWellsHastings,forpermissiontoreprinthisstory,Gideon,fromTheCenturyMagazineandGeorgeRandolphChester,forpermissiontoincludeBargainDayatTuttHouse,fromMcClure'sMagazine.IwouldalsothanktheheirsofthelatelamentedColonelWilliamJ.Lamptonforpermissiontousehisstory,HowtheWidowWontheDeacon,fromHarper'sBazaar.Thesestoriesareallcopyrighted,andcannotberepublishedexceptbyauthorizationoftheirauthorsorheirs.TheeditorregretsthattheirpublishershaveseenfittorefusehimpermissiontoincludeGeorgeW.Cable'sstory,"PossonJone',"andIrvinS.Cobb'sstory,TheSmartAleck.HealsoregretshewasunabletoobtainacopyofJosephC.Duport'sstory,TheWeddingatTimberHollow,intimeforinclusion,towhichitsmeritsasheremembersthemcertainlyentitleit.Mr.Duport,inadditiontohisliteraryactivities,hasstartedaninteresting"backtoNature"experimentatWestfield,Massachusetts.

[Footnote1:ThisIhaveattemptedinRepresentativeAmericanShortStories(Allyn&Bacon:Boston,1922).]

[Footnote2:WillD.Howe,inTheCambridgeHistoryofAmericanLiterature,Vol.II,pp.158159(G.P.Putnam'sSons,1918).]

[Footnote3:AHistoryofAmericanLiteratureSince1870,p.317(TheCenturyCo.:1915).]

[Footnote4:AHistoryofAmericanLiteratureSince1870,pp7981.]

[Footnote5:"TheWorksofBretHarte,"twentyvolumes.TheHoughtonMifflinCompany,Boston.]

[Footnote6:TheCambridgeHistoryofAmericanLiterature,Vol.II,p.386.]

[Footnote7:SeethisIntroduction.]

[Footnote8:TheCambridgeHistoryofAmericanLiterature,Vol.II,p.385.]

[Footnote9:FredLewisPattee,inTheCambridgeHistoryofAmericanLiterature,Vol.II,p.394.]

*****

To:CHARLESGOODRICHWHITING,Critic,Poet,Friend

*****

THELITTLEFRENCHMANANDHISWATERLOTS

BYGEORGEPOPEMORRIS(18021864)

[FromTheLittleFrenchmanandHisWaterLots,withOtherSketchesoftheTimes(1839),byGeorgePopeMorris.]

Lookintothosetheycallunfortunate,



And,closerview'd,you'llfindtheyareunwise.Young.

Letwealthcomeinbycomelythrift,Andnotbyanyfoolishshift:TishasteMakeswaste:WhogripestoohardthedryandslipperysandHoldsnoneatall,orlittle,inhishand.Herrick.

Letwellalone.Proverb.

Howmuchrealcomforteveryonemightenjoyifhewouldbecontentedwiththelotinwhichheavenhascasthim,andhowmuchtroublewouldbeavoidedifpeoplewouldonly"letwellalone."Amoderateindependence,quietlyandhonestlyprocured,iscertainlyeverywaypreferableeventoimmensepossessionsachievedbythewearandtearofmindandbodysonecessarytoprocurethem.Yetthereareveryfewindividuals,letthembedoingeversowellintheworld,whoarenotalwaysstrainingeverynervetodobetterandthisisoneofthemanycauseswhyfailuresinbusinesssofrequentlyoccuramongus.Thepresentgenerationseemunwillingto"realize"byslowandsuredegreesbutchooserathertosettheirwholehopesuponasinglecast,whicheithermakesormarsthemforever!

Gentlereader,doyourememberMonsieurPoopoo?HeusedtokeepasmalltoystoreinChatham,nearthecornerofPearlStreet.Youmustrecollecthim,ofcourse.Helivedthereformanyyears,andwasoneofthemostpoliteandaccommodatingofshopkeepers.Whenajuvenile,youhaveboughttopsandmarblesofhimathousandtimes.Tobesureyouhaveandseenhisvinegarvisagelightedupwithasmileasyouflunghimthecoppersandyouhavelaughedathislittlestraightqueueandhisdimitybreeches,andalltheotherodditiesthatmadeuptheeverydayapparelofmylittleFrenchman.Ah,Iperceiveyourecollecthimnow.

Well,then,therelivedMonsieurPoopooeversincehecamefrom"dear,delightfulParis,"ashewaswonttocallthecityofhisnativitytherehetookinthepenniesforhiskickshawstherehelaidasidefivethousanddollarsagainstarainydaytherehewasashappyasalarkandthere,inallhumanprobability,hewouldhavebeentothisveryday,arespectedandsubstantialcitizen,hadhebeenwillingto"letwellalone."ButMonsieurPoopoohadheardstrangestoriesabouttheprodigiousriseinrealestateand,havingunderstoodthatmostofhisneighborshadbecomesuddenlyrichbyspeculatinginlots,heinstantlygrewdissatisfiedwithhisownlot,forthwithdeterminedtoshutupshop,turneverythingintocash,andsetaboutmakingmoneyinrightdownearnest.Nosoonersaidthandoneandourquondamstorekeeperafewdaysafterwardattendedanextensivesaleofrealestate,attheMerchants'Exchange.

Therewastheauctioneer,withhisbeautifulandinvitinglithographicmapsallthelotsassmoothandsquareandenticinglylaidoutaspossibleandtherewerethespeculatorsandthere,inthemidstofthem,stoodMonsieurPoopoo.

"Heretheyare,gentlemen,"saidheofthehammer,"themostvaluablelotseverofferedforsale.Givemeabidforthem!"

"Onehundredeach,"saidabystander.

"Onehundred!"saidtheauctioneer,"scarcelyenoughtopayforthemaps.Onehundredgoingandfiftygone!Mr.H.,theyareyours.Anoblepurchase.You'llsellthosesamelotsinlessthanafortnightforfiftythousanddollarsprofit!"

MonsieurPoopooprickeduphisearsatthis,andwaslostinastonishment.ThiswasamucheasierwaycertainlyofaccumulatingrichesthansellingtoysinChathamStreet,andhedeterminedtobuy



andmendhisfortunewithoutdelay.

Theauctioneerproceededinhissale.Otherparcelswereofferedanddisposedof,andallthepurchaserswerepromisedimmenseadvantagesfortheirenterprise.Atlastcameamorevaluableparcelthanalltherest.Thecompanypressedaroundthestand,andMonsieurPoopoodidthesame.

"Inowofferyou,gentlemen,thesemagnificentlots,delightfullysituatedonLongIsland,withvaluablewaterprivileges.Propertyinfeetitleindisputabletermsofsale,cashdeedsreadyfordeliveryimmediatelyafterthesale.Howmuchforthem?Givethemastartatsomething.Howmuch?"Theauctioneerlookedaroundtherewerenobidders.AtlasthecaughttheeyeofMonsieurPoopoo."Didyousayonehundred,sir?BeautifullotsvaluablewaterprivilegesshallIsayonehundredforyou?"

"Oui,monsieurIwillgiveyouvonhundreddollarapiece,fordelotviddevaluarblevatareprivalegec'esta."

"Onlyonehundredapieceforthesesixtyvaluablelotsonlyonehundredgoinggoinggoinggone!"

MonsieurPoopoowasthefortunatepossessor.Theauctioneercongratulatedhimthesaleclosedandthecompanydispersed.

"Pardonnezmoi,monsieur,"saidPoopoo,astheauctioneerdescendedhispedestal,"youshallexcusezmoi,ifIshallgotovotrebureau,yourcountinghouse,verquicktomakeeverytingsurewidrespectodelotviddevaluarblevatareprivalege.Vonleetlebirdindehandhevorthtwoindetree,c'estvraieh?"

"Certainly,sir."

"Vellden,allons."

Andthegentlemenrepairedtothecountinghouse,wherethesixthousanddollarswerepaid,andthedeedsofthepropertydelivered.MonsieurPoopooputthesecarefullyinhispocket,andashewasabouttakinghisleave,theauctioneermadehimapresentofthelithographicoutlineofthelots,whichwasaveryliberalthingonhispart,consideringthemapwasabeautifulspecimenofthatgloriousart.Poopoocouldnotadmireitsufficiently.Therewerehissixtylots,asuniformaspossible,andhislittlegrayeyessparkledlikediamondsastheywanderedfromoneendofthespacioussheettotheother.

Poopoo'sheartwasaslightasafeather,andhesnappedhisfingersintheverywantonnessofjoyasherepairedtoDelmonico's,andorderedthefirstgoodFrenchdinnerthathadgladdenedhispalatesincehisarrivalinAmerica.

Afterhavingdiscussedhisrepast,andwasheditdownwithabottleofchoiceoldclaret,heresolveduponavisittoLongIslandtoviewhispurchase.Heconsequentlyimmediatelyhiredahorseandgig,crossedtheBrooklynferry,anddrovealongthemarginoftherivertotheWallabout,thelocationinquestion.

Ourfriend,however,wasnotalittleperplexedtofindhisproperty.Everythingonthemapwasasfairandevenaspossible,whileallthegroundsabouthimwereasundulatedastheycouldwellbeimagined,andtherewasanelbowoftheEastRiverthrustingitselfquiteintotheribsoftheland,whichseemedtohavenobusinessthere.ThispuzzledtheFrenchmanexceedinglyand,beingastrangerinthoseparts,hecalledtoafarmerinanadjacentfield.

"Monami,areyouacquaintviddispartofdecountryeh?"

"Yes,Iwasbornhere,andknoweveryinchofit."



"Ah,c'estbien,datvilldo,"andtheFrenchmangotoutofthegig,tiedthehorse,andproducedhislithographicmap.

"DenmaybeyouvillhavedekindnesstoshowmedesixtylotvichIhavebought,viddevaluarblevatareprivalege?"

Thefarmerglancedhiseyeoverthepaper.

"Yes,sir,withpleasureifyouwillbegoodenoughtogetintomyboat,Iwillrowyououttothem!"

"Vatdatyousay,sure?"

"Myfriend,"saidthefarmer,"thissectionofLongIslandhasrecentlybeenboughtupbythespeculatorsofNewYork,andlaidoutforagreatcitybuttheprincipalstreetisonlyvisibleatlowtide.WhenthispartoftheEastRiverisfilledup,itwillbejustthere.Yourlots,asyouwillperceive,arebeyonditandarenowallunderwater."

AtfirsttheFrenchmanwasincredulous.Hecouldnotbelievehissenses.Asthefacts,however,graduallybrokeuponhim,heshutoneeye,squintedobliquelyattheheavenstheriverthefarmerandthenheturnedawayandsquintedatthemalloveragain!Therewashispurchasesureenoughbutthenitcouldnotbeperceivedfortherewasariverflowingoverit!Hedrewaboxfromhiswaistcoatpocket,openedit,withanemphaticknockuponthelid,tookapinchofsnuffandrestoredittohiswaistcoatpocketasbefore.Poopoowasevidentlyintrouble,having"thoughtswhichoftenlietoodeepfortears"and,ashisgriefwasalsotoobigforwords,heuntiedhishorse,jumpedintohisgig,andreturnedtotheauctioneerinhothaste.

Itwasnearnightwhenhearrivedattheauctionroomhishorseinafoamandhimselfinafury.Theauctioneerwasleaningbackinhischair,withhislegsstuckoutofalowwindow,quietlysmokingacigarafterthelaborsoftheday,andhummingthemusicfromthelastnewopera.

"Monsieur,Ihavemuchplaisirtofin'you,chezvous,athome."

"Ah,Poopoo!gladtoseeyou.Takeaseat,oldboy."

"ButIshallnottakedeseat,sare."

"Nowhy,what'sthematter?"

"Oh,beaucoupdematter.Ihavebeentoseedegranlotvotyousellmetoday."

"Well,sir,Ihopeyoulikeyourpurchase?"

"No,monsieur,Inolikehim."

"I'msorryforitbutthereisnogroundforyourcomplaint."

"No,saredareisnogroundatalldegroundisallvatare!"

"Youjoke!"

"Inojoke.Inevarejokejen'entendspaslaraillerie,Sare,voulezvoushavedekindnesstogivemebackdemoneyvotIpay!"

"Certainlynot."



"DenvillyoubesogoodastotakedeEastRiveroffdetopofmylot?"

"That'syourbusiness,sir,notmine."

"DenImakevonmauvaiseaffairevongranmistake!"

"Ihopenot.Idon'tthinkyouhavethrownyourmoneyawayintheland."

"No,sarebutItroitavayindevatare!"

"That'snotmyfault."

"Yes,sare,butitisyourfault.You'revonvergranrascaltoswindlemeoutofdel'argent."

"Hello,oldPoopoo,yougrowpersonalandifyoucan'tkeepaciviltongueinyourhead,youmustgooutofmycountingroom."

"VareshallIgoto,eh?"

"Tothedevil,foraughtIcare,youfoolisholdFrenchman!"saidtheauctioneer,waxingwarm.

"But,sare,Ivillnotgotodedeviltoobligeyou!"repliedtheFrenchman,waxingwarmer."YousheatmeoutofalldedollarvotImakeinShathamStreetbutIvillnotgotodedevilforalldat.Ivishyoumaygotodedevilyourselfyoudemyankeedoodell,andIvillgoanddrownmyself,toutdesuite,rightavay."

"Youcouldn'tmakeabetteruseofyourwaterprivileges,oldboy!"

"Ah,misricorde!Ah,mondieu,jesuisabm.Iamruin!Iamdoneup!Iambreakallintotensousanleetlepieces!Iamvonlameduck,andIshallvaddleacrossdegranoceanforParis,vishisdeonlyvaluarblevatareprivalegedatisleftmepresent!"

PoorPoopoowasasgoodashisword.Hesailedinthenextpacket,andarrivedinParisalmostaspennilessasthedayheleftit.

Shouldanyonefeeldisposedtodoubttheveritablecircumstanceshererecorded,lethimcrosstheEastRivertotheWallabout,andfarmerJwillrowhimouttotheveryplacewherethepoorFrenchman'slotsstillremainunderwater.

THEANGELOFTHEODD

[FromTheColumbianMagazine,October,1844.]

BYEDGARALLANPOE(18091849)

ItwasachillyNovemberafternoon.Ihadjustconsummatedanunusuallyheartydinner,ofwhichthedyspeptictruffeformednottheleastimportantitem,andwassittingaloneinthediningroomwithmyfeetuponthefenderandatmyelbowasmalltablewhichIhadrolleduptothefire,anduponwhichweresomeapologiesfordessert,withsomemiscellaneousbottlesofwine,spirit,andliqueur.InthemorningIhadbeenreadingGlover'sLeonidas,Wilkie'sEpigoniad,Lamartine'sPilgrimage,Barlow'sColumbiad,Tuckerman'sSicily,andGriswold'sCuriosities,Iamwillingtoconfess,therefore,thatInowfeltalittlestupid.ImadeefforttoarousemyselfbyfrequentaidofLafitte,andallfailing,Ibetookmyselftoastraynewspaperindespair.Havingcarefullyperusedthecolumnof"Housesto



let,"andthecolumnof"Dogslost,"andthenthecolumnsof"Wivesandapprenticesrunaway,"Iattackedwithgreatresolutiontheeditorialmatter,andreadingitfrombeginningtoendwithoutunderstandingasyllable,conceivedthepossibilityofitsbeingChinese,andsorereaditfromtheendtothebeginning,butwithnomoresatisfactoryresult.Iwasaboutthrowingawayindisgust

Thisfoliooffourpages,happyworkWhichnotevencriticscriticise,

whenIfeltmyattentionsomewhatarousedbytheparagraphwhichfollows:

"Theavenuestodeatharenumerousandstrange.ALondonpapermentionsthedeceaseofapersonfromasingularcause.Hewasplayingat'puffthedart,'whichisplayedwithalongneedleinsertedinsomeworsted,andblownatatargetthroughatintube.Heplacedtheneedleatthewrongendofthetube,anddrawinghisbreathstronglytopuffthedartforwardwithforce,drewtheneedleintohisthroat.Itenteredthelungs,andinafewdayskilledhim."

UponseeingthisIfellintoagreatrage,withoutexactlyknowingwhy."Thisthing,"Iexclaimed,"isacontemptiblefalsehoodapoorhoaxtheleesoftheinventionofsomepitiablepennyaliner,ofsomewretchedconcocterofaccidentsinCocaigne.Thesefellowsknowingtheextravagantgullibilityoftheagesettheirwitstoworkintheimaginationofimprobablepossibilities,ofoddaccidentsastheytermthem,buttoareflectingintellect(likemine,Iadded,inparenthesis,puttingmyforefingerunconsciouslytothesideofmynose),toacontemplativeunderstandingsuchasImyselfpossess,itseemsevidentatoncethatthemarvelousincreaseoflateinthese'oddaccidents'isbyfartheoddestaccidentofall.Formyownpart,Iintendtobelievenothinghenceforwardthathasanythingofthe'singular'aboutit."

"MeinGott,den,vatavoolyoubeesfordat!"repliedoneofthemostremarkablevoicesIeverheard.AtfirstItookitforarumblinginmyearssuchasamansometimesexperienceswhengettingverydrunkbutuponsecondthought,Iconsideredthesoundasmorenearlyresemblingthatwhichproceedsfromanemptybarrelbeatenwithabigstickand,infact,thisIshouldhaveconcludedittobe,butforthearticulationofthesyllablesandwords.Iambynomeansnaturallynervous,andtheveryfewglassesofLafittewhichIhadsippedservedtoemboldenmealittle,sothatIfeltnothingoftrepidation,butmerelyupliftedmyeyeswithaleisurelymovementandlookedcarefullyaroundtheroomfortheintruder.Icouldnot,however,perceiveanyoneatall.

"Humph!"resumedthevoiceasIcontinuedmysurvey,"youmuspesodronkasdepigdenfornotzeemeasIzithereatyourzide."

HereuponIbethoughtmeoflookingimmediatelybeforemynose,andthere,sureenough,confrontingmeatthetablesatapersonagenondescript,althoughnotaltogetherindescribable.Hisbodywasawinepipeorarumpuncheon,orsomethingofthatcharacter,andhadatrulyFalstaffianair.Initsnetherextremitywereinsertedtwokegs,whichseemedtoanswerallthepurposesoflegs.Forarmstheredangledfromtheupperportionofthecarcasstwotolerablylongbottleswiththenecksoutwardforhands.AlltheheadthatIsawthemonsterpossessedofwasoneofthoseHessiancanteenswhichresemblealargesnuffboxwithaholeinthemiddleofthelid.Thiscanteen(withafunnelonitstoplikeacavaliercapslouchedovertheeyes)wassetonedgeuponthepuncheon,withtheholetowardmyselfandthroughthishole,whichseemedpuckereduplikethemouthofaverypreciseoldmaid,thecreaturewasemittingcertainrumblingandgrumblingnoiseswhichheevidentlyintendedforintelligibletalk.

"Izay,"saidhe,"youmospedronkasdepig,vorzitdareandnotzeemezitereandIzay,doo,youmospepiggervoolasdegoose,vortodispeliefvatizprintindeprint.'Tizdetroofdatitizeberyvordobit."

"Whoareyou,pray?"saidIwithmuchdignity,althoughsomewhatpuzzled"howdidyougethere?



andwhatisityouaretalkingabout?"

"AsvorowIcom'dere,"repliedthefigure,"datiznoneofyourpizzinessandasvorvatIbetalkingapout,IbetalkapoutvatItinkproperandasvorwhoIbe,vydatisdeverytingIcom'dherefortoletyouzeeforyourself."

"Youareadrunkenvagabond,"saidI,"andIshallringthebellandordermyfootmantokickyouintothestreet."

"He!he!he!"saidthefellow,"hu!hu!hu!datyoucan'tdo."

"Can'tdo!"saidI,"whatdoyoumean?Ican'tdowhat?"

"Ringdepell,"hereplied,attemptingagrinwithhislittlevillainousmouth.

UponthisImadeanefforttogetupinordertoputmythreatintoexecution,buttheruffianjustreachedacrossthetableverydeliberately,andhittingmeatapontheforeheadwiththeneckofoneofthelongbottles,knockedmebackintothearmchairfromwhichIhadhalfarisen.Iwasutterlyastounded,andforamomentwasquiteatalosswhattodo.Inthemeantimehecontinuedhistalk.

"Youzee,"saidhe,"itiztebessvorzitstillandnowyoushallknowwhoIpe.Lookatme!zee!IamteAngelovteOdd."

"Andoddenough,too,"Iventuredtoreply"butIwasalwaysundertheimpressionthatanangelhadwings."

"Tewing!"hecried,highlyincensed,"vatIpedomittewing?MeinGott!doyoutakemeforashicken?"

"Nooh,no!"Ireplied,muchalarmed"youarenochickencertainlynot."

"Well,den,zitstillandpehabeyourself,orI'llrapyouagainmidmevist.Itizteshickenabtewing,undteowlabtewing,undteimpabtewing,undteheadteuffelabtewing.Teangelabnottewing,andIamteAngelovteOdd."

"Andyourbusinesswithmeatpresentisis"

"Mypizziness!"ejaculatedthething,"vyvatalowbredpuppyyoumospevortoaskagentlemanundanangelapouthispizziness!"

ThislanguagewasrathermorethanIcouldbear,evenfromanangelso,pluckingupcourage,Iseizedasaltcellarwhichlaywithinreach,andhurleditattheheadoftheintruder.Eitherhedodged,however,ormyaimwasinaccurateforallIaccomplishedwasthedemolitionofthecrystalwhichprotectedthedialoftheclockuponthemantelpiece.AsfortheAngel,heevincedhissenseofmyassaultbygivingmetwoorthreehard,consecutiverapsupontheforeheadasbefore.Thesereducedmeatoncetosubmission,andIamalmostashamedtoconfessthat,eitherthroughpainorvexation,therecameafewtearsintomyeyes.

"MeinGott!"saidtheAngeloftheOdd,apparentlymuchsoftenedatmydistress"meinGott,temanisederferrydronkorferryzorry.Youmosnottrinkitsostrongyoumosputtewaterintewine.Here,trinkdis,likeagoodveller,anddon'tgrynowdon't!"

HereupontheAngeloftheOddreplenishedmygoblet(whichwasaboutathirdfullofport)withacolorlessfluidthathepouredfromoneofhishandbottles.Iobservedthatthesebottleshadlabelsabouttheirnecks,andthattheselabelswereinscribed"Kirschenwsser."



TheconsideratekindnessoftheAngelmollifiedmeinnolittlemeasureand,aidedbythewaterwithwhichhedilutedmyportmorethanonce,Iatlengthregainedsufficienttempertolistentohisveryextraordinarydiscourse.Icannotpretendtorecountallthathetoldme,butIgleanedfromwhathesaidthathewasageniuswhopresidedoverthecontretempsofmankind,andwhosebusinessitwastobringabouttheoddaccidentswhicharecontinuallyastonishingtheskeptic.Onceortwice,uponmyventuringtoexpressmytotalincredulityinrespecttohispretensions,hegrewveryangryindeed,sothatatlengthIconsidereditthewiserpolicytosaynothingatall,andlethimhavehisownway.Hetalkedon,therefore,atgreatlength,whileImerelyleanedbackinmychairwithmyeyesshut,andamusedmyselfwithmunchingraisinsandfilipingthestemsabouttheroom.But,byandby,theAngelsuddenlyconstruedthisbehaviorofmineintocontempt.Hearoseinaterriblepassion,slouchedhisfunneldownoverhiseyes,sworeavastoath,utteredathreatofsomecharacter,whichIdidnotpreciselycomprehend,andfinallymademealowbowanddeparted,wishingme,inthelanguageofthearchbishopin"GilBias,"beaucoupdebonheuretunpeuplusdebonsens.

Hisdepartureaffordedmerelief.TheveryfewglassesofLafittethatIhadsippedhadtheeffectofrenderingmedrowsy,andIfeltinclinedtotakeanapofsomefifteenortwentyminutes,asismycustomafterdinner.AtsixIhadanappointmentofconsequence,whichitwasquiteindispensablethatIshouldkeep.Thepolicyofinsuranceformydwellinghousehadexpiredthedaybeforeandsomedisputehavingarisenitwasagreedthat,atsix,Ishouldmeettheboardofdirectorsofthecompanyandsettlethetermsofarenewal.Glancingupwardattheclockonthemantelpiece(forIfelttoodrowsytotakeoutmywatch),IhadthepleasuretofindthatIhadstilltwentyfiveminutestospare.ItwashalfpastfiveIcouldeasilywalktotheinsuranceofficeinfiveminutesandmyusualsiestashadneverbeenknowntoexceedfiveandtwenty.Ifeltsufficientlysafe,therefore,andcomposedmyselftomyslumbersforthwith.

Havingcompletedthemtomysatisfaction,Iagainlookedtowardthetimepiece,andwashalfinclinedtobelieveinthepossibilityofoddaccidentswhenIfoundthat,insteadofmyordinaryfifteenortwentyminutes,Ihadbeendozingonlythreeforitstillwantedsevenandtwentyoftheappointedhour.Ibetookmyselfagaintomynap,andatlengthasecondtimeawoke,when,tomyutteramazement,itstillwantedtwentysevenminutesofsix.Ijumpeduptoexaminetheclock,andfoundthatithadceasedrunning.Mywatchinformedmethatitwashalfpastsevenand,ofcourse,havingslepttwohours,Iwastoolateformyappointment."Itwillmakenodifference,"Isaid:"Icancallattheofficeinthemorningandapologizeinthemeantimewhatcanbethematterwiththeclock?"UponexaminingitIdiscoveredthatoneoftheraisinstemswhichIhadbeenfilipingabouttheroomduringthediscourseoftheAngeloftheOddhadflownthroughthefracturedcrystal,andlodging,singularlyenough,inthekeyhole,withanendprojectingoutward,hadthusarrestedtherevolutionoftheminutehand.

"Ah!"saidI,"Iseehowitis.Thisthingspeaksforitself.Anaturalaccident,suchaswillhappennowandthen!"

Igavethematternofurtherconsideration,andatmyusualhourretiredtobed.Here,havingplacedacandleuponareadingstandatthebedhead,andhavingmadeanattempttoperusesomepagesoftheOmnipresenceoftheDeity,Iunfortunatelyfellasleepinlessthantwentyseconds,leavingthelightburningasitwas.

MydreamswereterrificallydisturbedbyvisionsoftheAngeloftheOdd.Methoughthestoodatthefootofthecouch,drewasidethecurtains,andinthehollow,detestabletonesofarumpuncheon,menacedmewiththebitterestvengeanceforthecontemptwithwhichIhadtreatedhim.Heconcludedalongharanguebytakingoffhisfunnelcap,insertingthetubeintomygullet,andthusdelugingmewithanoceanofKirschenwsser,whichhepouredinacontinuousflood,fromoneofthelongneckedbottlesthatstoodhiminsteadofanarm.Myagonywasatlengthinsufferable,andIawokejustintimetoperceivethatarathadrunoffwiththelightedcandlefromthestand,butnotinseasontopreventhismakinghisescapewithitthroughthehole,Verysoonastrong,suffocatingodorassailedmynostrilsthehouse,Iclearlyperceived,wasonfire.Inafewminutestheblazebrokeforth



withviolence,andinanincrediblybriefperiodtheentirebuildingwaswrappedinflames.Allegressfrommychamber,exceptthroughawindow,wascutoff.Thecrowd,however,quicklyprocuredandraisedalongladder.BymeansofthisIwasdescendingrapidly,andinapparentsafety,whenahugehog,aboutwhoserotundstomach,andindeedaboutwhosewholeairandphysiognomy,therewassomethingwhichremindedmeoftheAngeloftheOddwhenthishog,Isay,whichhithertohadbeenquietlyslumberinginthemud,tookitsuddenlyintohisheadthathisleftshoulderneededscratching,andcouldfindnomoreconvenientrubbingpostthanthataffordedbythefootoftheladder.InaninstantIwasprecipitated,andhadthemisfortunetofracturemyarm.

Thisaccident,withthelossofmyinsurance,andwiththemoreseriouslossofmyhair,thewholeofwhichhadbeensingedoffbythefire,predisposedmetoseriousimpressions,sothatfinallyImadeupmymindtotakeawife.Therewasarichwidowdisconsolateforthelossofherseventhhusband,andtoherwoundedspiritIofferedthebalmofmyvows.Sheyieldedareluctantconsenttomyprayers.Ikneltatherfeetingratitudeandadoration.SheblushedandbowedherluxurianttressesintoclosecontactwiththosesuppliedmetemporarilybyGrandjean.Iknownothowtheentanglementtookplacebutsoitwas.Iarosewithashiningpate,wiglesssheindisdainandwrath,halfburiedinalienhair.Thusendedmyhopesofthewidowbyanaccidentwhichcouldnothavebeenanticipated,tobesure,butwhichthenaturalsequenceofeventshadbroughtabout.

Withoutdespairing,however,Iundertookthesiegeofalessimplacableheart.Thefateswereagainpropitiousforabriefperiod,butagainatrivialincidentinterfered.Meetingmybetrothedinanavenuethrongedwiththeeliteofthecity,Iwashasteningtogreetherwithoneofmybestconsideredbows,whenasmallparticleofsomeforeignmatterlodginginthecornerofmyeyerenderedmeforthemomentcompletelyblind.BeforeIcouldrecovermysight,theladyofmylovehaddisappearedirreparablyaffrontedatwhatshechosetoconsidermypremeditatedrudenessinpassingherbyungreeted.WhileIstoodbewilderedatthesuddennessofthisaccident(whichmighthavehappened,nevertheless,toanyoneunderthesun),andwhileIstillcontinuedincapableofsight,IwasaccostedbytheAngeloftheOdd,whoprofferedmehisaidwithacivilitywhichIhadnoreasontoexpect.Heexaminedmydisorderedeyewithmuchgentlenessandskill,informedmethatIhadadropinit,and(whatevera"drop"was)tookitout,andaffordedmerelief.

Inowconsideredithightimetodie(sincefortunehadsodeterminedtopersecuteme),andaccordinglymademywaytothenearestriver.Here,divestingmyselfofmyclothes(forthereisnoreasonwhywecannotdieaswewereborn),Ithrewmyselfheadlongintothecurrentthesolewitnessofmyfatebeingasolitarycrowthathadbeenseducedintotheeatingofbrandysaturatedcorn,andsohadstaggeredawayfromhisfellows.NosoonerhadIenteredthewaterthanthisbirdtookitintohisheadtoflyawaywiththemostindispensableportionofmyapparel.Postponing,therefore,forthepresent,mysuicidaldesign,Ijustslippedmynetherextremitiesintothesleevesofmycoat,andbetookmyselftoapursuitofthefelonwithallthenimblenesswhichthecaserequiredanditscircumstanceswouldadmit.Butmyevildestinyattendedmestill.AsIranatfullspeed,withmynoseupintheatmosphere,andintentonlyuponthepurloinerofmyproperty,Isuddenlyperceivedthatmyfeetrestednolongeruponterrafirmathefactis,Ihadthrownmyselfoveraprecipice,andshouldinevitablyhavebeendashedtopiecesbutformygoodfortuneingraspingtheendofalongguiderope,whichdependedfromapassingballoon.

AssoonasIsufficientlyrecoveredmysensestocomprehendtheterrificpredicamentinwhichIstood,orratherhung,Iexertedallthepowerofmylungstomakethatpredicamentknowntotheaeronautoverhead.ButforalongtimeIexertedmyselfinvain.Eitherthefoolcouldnot,orthevillainwouldnotperceiveme.Meanwhilethemachinerapidlysoared,whilemystrengthevenmorerapidlyfailed.Iwassoonuponthepointofresigningmyselftomyfate,anddroppingquietlyintothesea,whenmyspiritsweresuddenlyrevivedbyhearingahollowvoicefromabove,whichseemedtobelazilyhumminganoperaair.Lookingup,IperceivedtheAngeloftheOdd.Hewasleaning,withhisarmsfolded,overtherimofthecarandwithapipeinhismouth,atwhichhepuffedleisurely,seemedtobeuponexcellenttermswithhimselfandtheuniverse.Iwastoomuchexhaustedtospeak,



soImerelyregardedhimwithanimploringair.

Forseveralminutes,althoughhelookedmefullintheface,hesaidnothing.Atlength,removingcarefullyhismeerschaumfromtherighttotheleftcornerofhismouth,hecondescendedtospeak.

"Whopeyou,"heasked,"undwhatderteuffelyoupedodare?"

Tothispieceofimpudence,cruelty,andaffectation,Icouldreplyonlybyejaculatingthemonosyllable"Help!"

"Elp!"echoedtheruffian,"notI.Dareiztepottleelpyourself,undpetam'd!"

WiththesewordsheletfallaheavybottleofKirschenwsser,which,droppingpreciselyuponthecrownofmyhead,causedmetoimaginethatmybrainswereentirelyknockedout.ImpressedwiththisideaIwasabouttorelinquishmyholdandgiveuptheghostwithagoodgrace,whenIwasarrestedbythecryoftheAngel,whobademeholdon.

"'Oldon!"hesaid:"don'tpeinte'urrydon't.Willyoupetakedeodderpottle,or'aveyoupegotzoberyet,andcometoyourzenzes?"

Imadehaste,hereupon,tonodmyheadtwiceonceinthenegative,meaningtherebythatIwouldprefernottakingtheotherbottleatpresentandonceintheaffirmative,intendingthustoimplythatIwassoberandhadpositivelycometomysenses.BythesemeansIsomewhatsoftenedtheAngel.

"Undyoupelief,ten,"heinquired,"attelast?Youpelief,ten,intepossibilityofteodd?"

Iagainnoddedmyheadinassent.

"Undyouavepeliefinme,teAngelofteOdd?"

Inoddedagain.

"Undyouacknowledgetatyoupeteblinddronkundtevool?"

Inoddedoncemore.

"Putyourrighthandintoyourleftpreechespocket,ten,intokenovyourvullzubmizzionuntoteAngelovteOdd."

Thisthing,forveryobviousreasons,Ifounditquiteimpossibletodo.Inthefirstplace,myleftarmhadbeenbrokeninmyfallfromtheladder,andtherefore,hadIletgomyholdwiththerighthandImusthaveletgoaltogether.Inthesecondplace,IcouldhavenobreechesuntilIcameacrossthecrow.Iwasthereforeobliged,muchtomyregret,toshakemyheadinthenegative,intendingthustogivetheAngeltounderstandthatIfounditinconvenient,justatthatmoment,tocomplywithhisveryreasonabledemand!Nosooner,however,hadIceasedshakingmyheadthan

"Gotoderteuffel,ten!"roaredtheAngeloftheOdd.

InpronouncingthesewordshedrewasharpknifeacrosstheguideropebywhichIwassuspended,andaswethenhappenedtobepreciselyovermyownhouse(which,duringmyperegrinations,hadbeenhandsomelyrebuilt),itsooccurredthatItumbledheadlongdowntheamplechimneyandalituponthediningroomhearth.

Uponcomingtomysenses(forthefallhadverythoroughlystunnedme)Ifounditaboutfouro'clockinthemorning.IlayoutstretchedwhereIhadfallenfromtheballoon.Myheadgroveledintheashesofanextinguishedfire,whilemyfeetreposeduponthewreckofasmalltable,overthrown,andamid



thefragmentsofamiscellaneousdessert,intermingledwithanewspaper,somebrokenglassesandshatteredbottles,andanemptyjugoftheSchiedamKirschenwsser.ThusrevengedhimselftheAngeloftheOdd.

THESCHOOLMASTER'SPROGRESS

ByCarolineM.S.Kirkland(18011864)

[FromTheGiftfor1845,publishedlatein1844.Republishedinthevolume,WesternClearings(1845),byCarolineM.S.Kirkland.]

MasterWilliamHornercametoourvillagetoschoolwhenhewasabouteighteenyearsold:tall,lank,straightsided,andstraighthaired,withamouthofthemostpuckeredandsolemnkind.Hisfigureandmovementswerethoseofapuppetcutoutofshingleandjerkedbyastringandhisaddresscorrespondedverywellwithhisappearance.Neverdidthatprimmouthgivewaybeforealaugh.Afaintandmistysmilewasthewidestdeparturefromitspropriety,andthisunaccustomeddisturbancemadewrinklesintheflat,skinnycheekslikethoseinthesurfaceofalake,aftertheintrusionofastone.MasterHornerknewwellwhatbelongedtothepedagogicalcharacter,andthatfacialsolemnitystoodhighonthelistofindispensablequalifications.Hehadmadeuphismindbeforehelefthisfather'shousehowhewouldlookduringtheterm.Hehadnotplannedanysmiles(knowingthathemust"boardround"),anditwasnotforordinaryoccurrencestoalterhisarrangementssothatwhenhewasbetrayedintoarelaxationofthemuscles,itwas"insuchasort"asifhewasputtinghisbreadandbutterinjeopardy.

Trulyhehadagravetimethatfirstwinter.Therodofpowerwasnewtohim,andhefeltithis"duty"touseitmorefrequentlythanmighthavebeenthoughtnecessarybythoseuponwhosesensetheprivilegehadpalled.Tearsandsulkyfaces,andimpotentfistsdoubledfiercelywhenhisbackwasturned,weretherewardsofhisconscientiousnessandtheboysandgirlstooweregladwhenworkingtimecameroundagain,andthemasterwenthometohelphisfatheronthefarm.

ButwiththeautumncameMasterHorneragain,droppingamongusasquietlyasthefadedleaves,andawakeningatleastasmuchseriousreflection.Wouldhebeasselfsacrificingasbefore,postponinghisowneaseandcomforttothepublicgood,orwouldhehavebecomemoresedentary,andlessfondofcircumambulatingtheschoolroomwithaswitchoverhisshoulder?Manywerefaintohopehemighthavelearnedtosmokeduringthesummer,anaccomplishmentwhichwouldprobablyhavemoderatedhisenergynotalittle,anddisposedhimrathertoreveriethantoaction.Butherehewas,andallthebroaderchestedandstouterarmedforhislaborsintheharvestfield.

LetitnotbesupposedthatMasterHornerwasofacruelandogrishnatureababeeateraHerodonewhodelightedintorturingthehelpless.Suchsoulstheremaybe,amongthoseendowedwiththeawfulcontroloftheferule,buttheyarerareinthefreshandnaturalregionswedescribe.Itis,webelieve,whereyounggentlemenaretobecrammedforcollege,thattheprocessofhardeningheartandskintogethergoesonmostvigorously.Yetamongtheuneducatedthereissohigharespectforbodilystrength,thatitisnecessaryfortheschoolmastertoshow,firstofall,thathepossessesthisinadmissiblerequisiteforhisplace.Therestismorereadilytakenforgranted.Brainshemayhaveastrongarmhemusthave:soheprovesthemoreimportantclaimfirst.WemustthereforemakealldueallowanceforMasterHorner,whocouldnotbeexpectedtoovertophispositionsofarastodiscernatoncethephilosophyofteaching.

Hewassadlybrowbeatenduringhisfirsttermofservicebyagreatbroadshoulderedloutofsomeeighteenyearsorso,whothoughtheneededalittlemore"schooling,"butatthesametimefeltquitecompetenttodirectthemannerandmeasureofhisattempts.



"You'doughttobeginwithlargehand,Joshuay,"saidMasterHornertothisyouth.

"WhatshouldIwantcoarsehandfor?"saidthedisciple,withgreatcontempt"coarsehandwon'tneverdomenogood.Iwantafinehandcopy."

Themasterlookedattheinfantgiant,anddidashewished,butwesaynotwithwhatsecretresolutions.

Atanothertime,MasterHorner,havinghadahintfromsomeonemoreknowingthanhimself,proposedtohiselderscholarstowriteafterdictation,expatiatingatthesametimequitefloridly(theideashavingbeensuppliedbytheknowingfriend),upontheadvantageslikelytoarisefromthispractice,andsaying,amongotherthings,

"Itwillhelpyou,whenyouwriteletters,tospellthewordsgood."

"Pooh!"saidJoshua,"spellin'ain'tnothin'letthemthatfindsthemistakescorrect'em.I'mforeveryone'shavin'awayoftheirown."

"Howdaredyoubesosaucytothemaster?"askedoneofthelittleboys,afterschool.

"BecauseIcouldlickhim,easy,"saidthehopefulJoshua,whoknewverywellwhythemasterdidnotundertakehimonthespot.

CanwewonderthatMasterHornerdeterminedtomakehisempiregoodasfarasitwent?

Anewexaminationwasrequiredontheentranceintoasecondterm,and,withwhateversecrettrepidation,themasterwasobligedtosubmit.Ourlawprescribesexaminations,butforgetstoprovideforthecompetencyoftheexaminerssothatfewbetterfarcesofferthanthecourseofquestionandanswerontheseoccasions.WeknownotpreciselywhatwereMasterHorner'strialsbutwehaveheardofasharpdisputebetweentheinspectorswhetherangelspeltangleorangel.Anglehadit,andtheschoolmaintainedthatpronunciationeverafter.MasterHornerpassed,andhewasrequestedtodrawupthecertificatefortheinspectorstosign,asonehadlefthisspectaclesathome,andtheotherhadabadcold,sothatitwasnotconvenientforeithertowritemorethanhisname.MasterHomer'sexhibitionoflearningonthisoccasiondidnotreachus,butweknowthatitmusthavebeenconsiderable,sincehestoodtheordeal.

"Whatisorthography?"saidaninspectoronce,inourpresence.

Thecandidatewrithedagooddeal,studiedthebeamsoverheadandthechickensoutofthewindow,andthenreplied,

"ItissolongsinceIlearntthefirstpartofthespellingbook,thatIcan'tjustlyanswerthatquestion.ButifIcouldjustlookitover,IguessIcould."

Ourschoolmasterentereduponhissecondtermwithnewcourageandinvigoratedauthority.Twicecertified,whoshoulddaredoubthiscompetency?EvenJoshuawascivil,andlesserloutsofcourseobsequiousthoughthegirlstookmoreliberties,fortheyfeelevenatthatearlyage,thatinfluenceisstrongerthanstrength.

Couldayoungschoolmasterthinkofferulingagirlwithherhairinringletsandagoldringonherfinger?Impossibleandtheimmunityextendedtoallthelittlesistersandcousinsandtherewereenoughlargegirlstoprotectallthefemininepartoftheschool.WiththeboysMasterHornerstillhadmanyabattle,andwhetherwithaviewtothis,orasaneconomicalruse,heneverworehiscoatinschool,sayingitwastoowarm.Perhapsitwasanastuteattentiontotheprejudicesofhisemployers,wholovenomanthatdoesnotearnhislivingbythesweatofhisbrow.Theshirtsleevesgavetheideaofamanuallaborschoolinonesenseatleast.Itwasevidentthatthemasterworked,andthat



affordedaprobabilitythatthescholarsworkedtoo.

MasterHorner'ssuccesswasmosttriumphantthatwinter.Ayear'sgrowthhadimprovedhisoutwardmanexceedingly,fillingoutthelimbssothattheydidnotremindyousoforciblyofayoungcolt's,andsupplyingthecheekswiththefleshandbloodsonecessarywheremustacheswerenotworn.Experiencehadgivenhimadegreeofconfidence,andconfidencegavehimpower.Inshort,peoplesaidthemasterhadwakedupandsohehad.HeactuallysetaboutreadingforimprovementandalthoughattheendofthetermhecouldnotquitemakeoutfromhishistoricalstudieswhichsideHannibalwason,yetthisisreadilyexplainedbythefactthatheboardedround,andwasobligedtoreadgenerallybyfirelight,surroundedbyungovernedchildren.

Afterthis,MasterHornermadehisownbargain.Whenschooltimecameroundwiththefollowingautumn,andtheteacherpresentedhimselfforathirdexamination,suchatestwaspronouncednolongernecessaryandthedistrictconsentedtoengagehimattheastoundingrateofsixteendollarsamonth,withtheunderstandingthathewastohaveafixedhome,providedhewaswillingtoallowadollaraweekforit.MasterHornerbethoughthimofthesuccessive"killingtimes,"andconsequentdoughnutsofthetwentyfamiliesinwhichhehadsojournedtheyearsbefore,andconsentedtotheexaction.

Beholdourfriendnowashighasdistrictteachercaneverhopetobehisscholarshipestablished,hishomestationaryandnotrevolving,andthegoodbehaviorofthecommunityinsuredbythefactthathe,beingofage,hadnowafarmtoretireuponincaseofanydisgust.

MasterHornerwasatoncethepreminentbeauoftheneighborhood,spiteoftheprejudiceagainstlearning.Hebrushedhishairstraightupinfront,andworeaskyblueribbonforaguardtohissilverwatch,andwalkedasifthetallheelsofhisbluntbootswereeggshellsandnotleather.Yethewasfarfromneglectingthedutiesofhisplace.HewasbeauonlyonSundaysandholidaysveryschoolmastertherestofthetime.

Itwasata"spellingschool"thatMasterHornerfirstmettheeducatedeyesofMissHarrietBangle,ayoungladyvisitingtheEnglehartsinourneighborhood.ShewasfromoneofthetownsinWesternNewYork,andhadbroughtwithheravarietyofcityairsandgracessomewhatcaricatured,setoffwithyearoldFrenchfashionsmuchtravestied.Whethershehadbeensentouttothenewcountrytotry,somewhatlate,arusticchanceforanestablishment,orwhetherhercompanyhadbeenfoundrathertryingathome,wecannotsay.Theviewwhichshewasatsomepainstomakeunderstoodwas,thatherfriendshadcontrivedthismethodofkeepingheroutofthewayofadesperateloverwhoseaddresseswerenotacceptabletothem.

Ifitshouldseemsurprisingthatsohighbredavisitorshouldbesojourninginthewildwoods,itmustberememberedthatmorethanonecelebratedEnglishmanandnotafewdistinguishedAmericanshavefarmerbrothersinthewesterncountry,nowhitlessrusticintheirexteriorandmanneroflifethantheplainestoftheirneighbors.Whenthesearevisitedbytheirrefinedkinsfolk,weofthewoodscatchglimpsesofthegayworld,orthinkwedo.

ThatgreatmedicinehathWithitstinctgilded

manyavulgarismtothesatisfactionofwiserheadsthanours.

MissBangle'smannerbespokeforherthathighconsiderationwhichshefelttobeherdue.Yetshecondescendedtobeamusedbytherusticsandtheirawkwardattemptsatgaietyandeleganceand,tosaytruth,fewofthevillagemerrymakingsescapedher,thoughsheworealwaystheairofgreatsuperiority.

Thespellingschoolisoneoftheordinarywinteramusementsinthecountry.Itoccursonceina



fortnight,orso,andhaspowertodrawoutalltheyoungpeopleformilesround,arrayedintheirbestclothesandtheirholidaybehavior.Whenallisready,umpiresareelected,andafterthesehavetakenthedistinguishedplaceusuallyoccupiedbytheteacher,theyoungpeopleoftheschoolchoosethetwobestscholarstoheadtheopposingclasses.Theseleaderschoosetheirfollowersfromthemass,eachcallinganameinturn,untilallthespellersarerankedononesideortheother,liningthesidesoftheroom,andallstanding.Theschoolmaster,standingtoo,takeshisspellingbook,andgivesaplacidyetaweinspiringlookalongtheranks,remarkingthatheintendstobeveryimpartial,andthatheshallgiveoutnothingthatisnotinthespellingbook.Forthefirsthalfhourorsohechoosescommonandeasywords,thatthespiritoftheeveningmaynotbedampedbythetooearlythinningoftheclasses.Whenawordismissed,theblundererhastositdown,andbeaspectatoronlyfortherestoftheevening.Atcertainintervals,someofthebestspeakersmounttheplatform,and"speakapiece,"whichisgenerallyasdeclamatoryaspossible.

Theexcitementofthissceneisequaltothataffordedbyanycityspectaclewhateverandtowardsthecloseoftheevening,whendifficultandunusualwordsarechosentoconfoundthesmallnumberwhostillkeepthefloor,itbecomesscarcelylessthanpainful.Whenperhapsonlyoneortworemaintobepuzzled,themaster,wearyatlastofhistask,thoughafavoriteone,triesbytrickstoputdown

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