2016-10-19 actionable approaches to people problems

Thrive. Grow. Achieve.

Actionable Approaches to People Problems Anne Collier, Arudia October 19, 2016

Actionable Approaches to People Problems

Anne E. Collier, MPP, JD, PCCExecutive Coaching & Development

AMP UP PERFORMANCEWORKPLACE TOOLKIT

What would be most valuable for youto learn today?

POLL EV. . .

A TEAM IS . . .

10 5 3 17 5

Hmm . . . what’s in here?

MINDSET: BE CURIOUS

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

Rumi, Persian Poet 1207-1273 AD

Win-Lose

Appropriate Good Right

Win-Win Needs Unmet Needs Met

Inappropriate Bad Wrong

MINDSET: YOUR FILTER 38

WIN-LOSE MINDSET

What happens in communication when the mindset is right v. wrong?

Inappropriate Bad Wrong

Appropriate Good Right

WIN-WIN MINDSET

What happens in communication when the mindset is that all needs can be met?

Needs Unmet Needs Met

NEED/GOAL V. STRATEGY 34

Win-Win 46

WHEN THERE IS A PROBLEM

Win-LoseBlame

Win-WinAwareness

Self Others

Sense Own Feelings & Needs

GuiltObligation

ShameDepression

Sense Others Feelings & Needs

WHEN THERE IS A PROBLEM 44

44WHEN THERE IS A PROBLEM

Win-LoseBlame

Win-WinAwareness

Self Others

SLOW DOWN TO SPEED UP!

STIMULUS

Internal Reaction

Pause/Reflect . . . Choose BestExternal

ReactionResponse

PRINCIPLE #1: ALL NEEDS MET

RIGHTor

PRINCIPLE #2: NEED/GOAL V. STRATEGY 47

PRINCIPLE #3: SELF AWARENESS 47

PRINCIPLE #4: AWARENESS OF OTHERS 47

PRINCIPLE #5: REQUEST

PRINCIPLE #6: CHOOSE TO RESPOND 47

Win-Win

Just the facts Like a movie camera Avoid judgment Be concise

“Just the facts, ma’am”

Win-Win

Notice what is purely factual

Notice the embedded judgments

WHAT ARE MAKING IT MEAN?

COMMUNICATION FOR THE WORKPLACE

ADD SILENT VIDEO OF SOMEONE GETTING YELLED AT -- ADD OLD TIME PIANO MUSIC

LADDER OF INFERENCE

I TAKE ACTION based on belief

DRESSED NICELY

INTERVIEW

NOT HAPPY

UNRELIABLE

LEFT OUT

I ADD MEANING

I ADOPT BELIEFSabout the world

I DRAW CONCLUSIONS

I SELECT DATA fromwhat I observe

I OBSERVE DATAfrom the world

(UNMET) NEEDS

FRIENDSHOMEWORK

BEHAVIOR

FEELINGS

LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE

LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE

MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE

LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE

LESS IS

Exercise:Neutrally and without judgment, briefly describe something that happened to you that you did not like

Win-Win

Switch: 2 minutes each

“Just the facts, ma’am”

STATE THE FACTS

Win-Win ##

✓Feelings checkConcernStress ✓ i

Coaching Skills 56

Step 2

Win-Win ##

Evaluations

Feelings

Anticipate Prepare

Deal With Your OWN Defensiveness

ReflectDon’t be pushed

Ask Yourself What am I making

it mean?

Hmm . . .

what’s in here?

STAY CURIOUS

CAUTION: WHEN THERE IS A PROBLEM

OPTION 1: Let it go

OPTION 2: Address it

NO “BEACH BALL” RULE 29

59Win-Win

Win-Win ##

Unmet need created the unpleasant feeling

Win-Win ##

another’s

actions or

failures

Win-Win ##

your desire

strategy

Exercise:

*Refer to Appendix A and B for list of Feelings and Needs (120)

Switch: 3 minutes each

State (i) how you felt when a need was met and (ii) the need that was met

State (i) how you felt when a need was unmet and (ii) the unmet need

AWARENESS OF SELF

Win-Win

Win-Win ##

Remember: Your request is for just 1 strategy

Specific, Doable,Positive

DEMAND

Win-Win ##

Would you be willing to . . . ?

PRINCIPLE #6: CHOOSE TO RESPOND 47

Exercise:

61Win-Win

1: Facts

2: Feelings

3: Needs/Goals

4: Request

FOLLOW THE STEPS

3 minutes eachSpecific, Doable, Positive

MAKE A REQUEST

Win-Win ##

Win-Win

WIN-WIN

“NO” Opportunity for

Awareness of Others

(UNMET) NEEDS

FRIENDSHOMEWORK

BEHAVIOR

FEELINGS

Win-Win

Every “NO” is a “yes”

Identify underlying “yes”

Be persistent!

FIND THE WIN-WIN

Step 4: Make Another Request

Step 5: Agree on Strategy

COMMUNICATION FOR THE WORKPLACETHE CHILLING EFFECTS OF HIERARCHY

Coaching Skills 74

BE OPTIMISTIC

Win-Win ##

OTHERS’ NEEDS

Coaching Skills

ACCOUNTABILITY

76Step 5

Win-Win

ASK YOURSELF . . .

Asking or demanding?

Asking in a way that can be heard?

How do you respond to “no”?

Win-Win

SIGNS OF OLD PARADIGM

Focused on a strategy/“the right way”

Unaware of your own and others’ feelings, needs, and goals

Experience guilt, blame, or judgment

PATIENCE AND PERSISTENCE 81

84WIN-WINMOVE FORWARD 81

Deal With OTHER’S Defensiveness

TIP #1: FRAME IT UP 72

TIP #3: RESTATE YOUR GOAL 72

TIP #4: FOCUS ON MUTUAL GOALS 72

ON “SEND”

What Gets In The Way of Listening? 77

WHAT GETS IN THE WAY OF LISTENING? 77

YOUR RESPONSE/REBUTTAL

OTHER THINGS ON YOUR MINDWHAT GETS IN THE WAY OF LISTENING?

Email Kids

Sports

YOUR OWN FEELINGS

NOT ENOUGH TIME

CHOICE TO DO SOMETHING ELSE

YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SPECIAL WAY

SUMMARY SLIDEBody Line One

• Body Line Two

• Body Line Three

• Body Line Four

Actionable Approaches to People Problems

Anne E. Collier, MPP, JD, PCCExecutive Coaching & Development

AMP UP PERFORMANCEWORKPLACE TOOLKIT

WHAT DISTINGUISHES

MANAGING

FROM COACHING?

Coaching Skills 89

Coaching Skills

THE BLEND

Tell What to Do

Give Advice Offer Guidance

Make Suggestions

Support In Creating

Own Solutions

Coaching

Managing

Tell Ask

Coaching Skills

Control

Ensure quality

Consistent process

Resistance

Micro-manage

Less buy-in

Lack of creativity

Fewer ideas

Feel controlled

Engages/buy-in

Empowers

Builds confidence

Feel valued

New ideas

Takes time

Give up control

Must be open to other perspectives

May not get what you want

Credibility

Coaching SkillsUSE OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS

Open-ended questions cannot be answered with:

YESorNO

QUESTIONS THAT WORK

Does that meet your needs?

What is important to you about that?

How have you handled similar situations in the past?

Who can you get support from?

By when will you . . . ?

What can you do with that insight?

How can you hold yourself accountable?

Loadedquestions

Shouldand

Should Not

Words likeinconsiderate

80/20 RULE

Coaching Skills 94

COACHING DEMO: LISTEN FOR . . .

Active listening & focus

The steps of the model

Open-ended questions

Paraphrasing what the coachee said

Suggestions v. advice

Neutral language

ULTIMATE GOAL

Performance issue

Expectations/directive

Safety/emergency

Process/procedure

New employee training

New information

Expert

Development

Awareness/growth

Independent thinking

Build confidence

Learning opportunity

Engage and empower

Facilitate collaboration

COACH / ASKMANAGE / TELL

Coaching Skills 92

Coaching Skills

COACH / ASKMANAGE / TELL

Usually manager’s solution

Authoritative/command and control

“Make do”

Best for “what” and “why”

Coachee generated solution

Collaborative

Coachee takes responsibility

Supports the coachee in identifying the “how”

YOU CHOOSE

Coaching SkillsYOU CHOOSE

“Pure” coaching

Variety of situations

In full or part

Tell What to Do

Give Advice Offer Guidance

Make Suggestions

Support In Creating

Own Solutions

Coaching

Managing

Tell Ask

COACHINGWHEN TO USE COACHING 90

Coaching SkillsWHEN TO USE COACHING

COACHINGWHEN TO USE COACHING

Coaching SkillsMINDSET: CURIOUS NOT JUDGMENTAL

Coaching SkillsMINDSET: BE PATIENT

Coaching SkillsMINDSET: BE DELIBERATE - CHOOSE TO COACH

DISCOVER THE INSIGHT

Insights

Open-ended questions

Current Reality àGoal

Takeaway

Exercise:

Coaching Skills

What are open-ended

questions to support the coachee in Establishing

the Focus?

Exercise: COACHING SKILLS PRACTICE

COACHING SKILLS

Scenarios 1 and 2

Current Reality àGoal

Takeaway from this Conversation

COACHINGNEXT STEPS

Generate possibilities

Suspend judgment

Paraphrase

Share personal experience

Sugges

tion n

ot “sh

ould”

GIVING ADVICE

Neutral language

Not “right answer”/strategy

112GIVING ADVICE

Have you thought about trying Strategy A? ”“

“When I was in your situation, I tried Strategy A and

it worked”

“ ”Another option is to . . .

“ ”I have seen Strategy A work for others

Coaching Skills

Focus on the goal and need

Break down into steps

Set target dates

Exercise:

Coaching Skills

What are examples of open-ended questions

to support the coachee toCreate An Action Plan?

Exercise: COACHING SKILLS PRACTICE

Step 4

Clarify action to remove obstacles

Explore resource needs

State support for coachee

Acknowledge feelings and needs

Exercise:

Coaching Skills

What are examples of open-ended

questions to support the coachee in Removing Obstacles?

What are examples of workplace obstacles?

What are examples of personal obstacles?

Exercise: PRACTICE

119Step 5 Establish accountability

Coachee reviews & commits to actions

Reiterate support

Reports resultsKey learningsDo differently?

Coaching begins again

INSIGHTS 122

YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SPECIAL WAY

SUMMARY SLIDEBody Line One

• Body Line Two

• Body Line Three

• Body Line Four

FOR MORE INFORMATIONPlease contact Anne Collier at

anne@arudia.com or

202-449-9751

THANK YOU!

2016-10-19 actionable approaches to people problems

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