about our children, january 2016
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8/20/2019 About Our Children, January 2016
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Our ChildrenAbout
Supplement to The Jewish Standard • January 2016
Survivalof the Fittest
Eat Right,
Move MoreLife Lessonsfor Parents
Useful Information forthe Next Generation
of Jewish Families
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8/20/2019 About Our Children, January 2016
2/242 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 2016
First breath. First smile. First steps.
Treasured moments begin here.
The MotherBaby Center at Chilton Medical Center.Whether you are planning to start a family or adding to one, Chilton Medical Center invites you to
begin this exciting journey with us. Our MotherBaby Center encourages moms-to-be to personalize
their birthing experience in a way that makes it memorable for the entire family. We offer private
rooms with personalized visiting hours, hydrotherapy for labor, a celebratory gourmet dinner and
a Mom’s spa. For special care, there’s a Level II Nursery with board certified neonatologists and
pediatricians available 24/7. And with caring nurses, expert medical staff, and our seamless
connection to Morristown Medical Center, it’s no wonder why so many women choose to have
their babies here with us, close to home.
For more information about parent education classes, please call 973-831-5475.
For a referral to a Chilton Obstetrician
or Certified Nurse Midwife,
call 1-888-4AH-DOCS
or visit atlantichealth.org/chilton
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8/20/2019 About Our Children, January 2016
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January 2016
Winners of the ChanukahGift Giveaway!
Sharon Golub, Hackensack — Sigikid Teaching Monkey
Renee Kornbluth, West New York — Shalom Sesame DVD set
Debbie Fox, Teaneck — Maccabee on the Mantel
Miriam Stiefel, Englewood — Bumble Seat
Shira Slasky, Tenafly — Enough Already & Planet Matzo Ball DVDs
Susan Helft, Tenafly — Pumpkin & Bean Gift Certificate
Rifki Helft, Englewood — Tickets to see Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood
Michael Rosenzweig, Fair Lawn — Gift Certificate from Schnitzel+
Thanks to all who entered, and congratulations to our winners!
Healthy Habits Start at the Fridge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5But they don’t end there, says doctor
Make Fitness Fit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6Finding the right sport or exercise
Curtain Up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7Theater, arts and performance
Putting it in Perspective . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8Children and our responsibilities
Power of the Pencil . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9The things you can learn from an eraser
Generation G. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10Globetrotting grandparents hunt for souvenirs
Setting Rules and Limits. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11Tips to get your structure in place
Listings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12Schools, after-school activities, and more
Do Children Need Spirituality? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16Questions for author of new book
Paying Attention to ADHD. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18Going from victim to victorious
Gallery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20Pictures of our children
Top Choices . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21Great picks for January
Calendar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22Things to do this month
Simchas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23Celebrating our children’s milestones
Games People Play . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23Batting back boredom
ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 203 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 2016
Friday, Jan 15th 8pm
One Man Star Wars Trilogy
Sunday, Jan 24th 1pm & 4:30p
Daniel Tiger’sNeighborhood Live!
Friday, Jan 29th 8pm
Cesar Millan Live!
Saturday, Feb 20 7:30pm
Mike Super:Magic & Illusion
March 10th 8pm
Piff the Magic Dragon
March 13th 1pm & 4pm
Ladybug Girl andBumblebee Boy The Musica
Friday, April 8th 8pm
The Peking AcrobatsApril 10th 1pm & 4pm
Clifford The Big Red Do
Our ChildrenAbout
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4/24ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 20164
Calm creates good karma?
One of the famous “Keep Calm” versions
of the saying that adorn t-shirts, mugs andother ephemera is “Keep Calm and Let Karma
Finish.”
I’m not so sure if calm creates good karma,
because karma is actually the sum of a person’s
actions in this and in previous states of existence,
which then is viewed as deciding their fate in fu-
ture existences.
But calm may help decide the fate of your pres-
ent existence following an incident, episode or one
of life’s hair-raising, emotion-rising dramas.
“Keep Calm and Carry On” — the original say-
ing — certainly holds true as a would-be mantra for
my life. To respond and not to react is something
to which I aspire. Sometimes I can actually achieve
it, but more often than not, I keep aspiring. I like to
say I am keeping my aspirations high.
I am reminded of one episode of keeping calminvolving my kids, whom I will identify as Child#1
and Child#2 so as not to embarrass them.
Child#2 (not necessarily in birth order, but I
won’t say) was about to go on a school trip. It was
the first out-of-town journey, not counting sleep-
away camp. It was big deal to be with classmates,
to explore a brand new city, to stay in a hotel, to
take photographs, and to have fun and learn about
the history of the city. The trip was to Boston. And
the class was to travel by bus, a long journey from
our home. Of course, many of the students had
their devices packed along to occupy and enter-
tain themselves on the long drive there.
Child#2 needed one, and didn’t have the de-
sired device. So Child #2 borrowed an iPod from
Child#1 with the caveat that Child#2 promise to be
really, really careful. That is, to not
lose, break or mess it up in any way.
With that condition agreed upon,Child#2 took Child#1’s iPod on the
trip.
Off Child#2 went to Boston, and
I awaited the return to be regaled
by stories and adventures.
When Child#2 returned, there
were plenty of stories and adven-
tures to tell, but, alas, there was no
iPod! Oy!
Knowing how Child#2 would be
self-punishing, and knowing how
hard it was for Child#2 to make
sure that the iPod didn’t disappear, I decided to be
very calm about the loss.
And furthermore, I asked Child#1 to do the
same. Not to berate Child#2.
Sure there would be plenty of time for lecturesor lessons about responsibility and care of ob-
jects, but somehow, I decided not to react, but to
respond, and not make Child#2 feel worse for the
wear.
Then I remembered a story I had read.
It was a tale about a wife, her diamond ring,
and her husband. It also involved a toilet bowl,
some faulty plumbing and her husband’s attempt
at fixing their bathroom problem. The details of
the story elude me, but I do remember the wife los-
ing her diamond ring, her precious diamond ring,
because of something that happened involving her
husband. I also remember the point of the story.
She kept her calm. She did not rail against him. She
did not scream. She did not have a hissy fit, but
reacted with understanding. Wow!
The punch line of that story
was that a few days later, she
found the diamond! She thoughtit was gone, flushed away for-
ever. But there it appeared (reap-
peared) at the bottom of the bowl.
Sure was thrilled to recover her
diamond, but she was even more
happy about how she behaved
toward her husband. How she
chose calm, instead of chaotic
drama. That she was actually able
to transcend her natural inclina-
tion and not freak out.
I remembered that story days
after Child#2’s return from Boston.
I remembered that story when I was empty-
ing out the blue travel bag packed with clothes.
Inside a small, slim, side pocket, a place I would
not normally check or look, there it was. The iPod!Returned safe and sound. Actually, never lost in
the first place.
In fact, Child#2 put it away so well, that its
packing place was forgotten!
And then I wondered whether we found it be-
cause of karma.
Calm karma.
Cheers,
musings from the editor
Don’t Miss About Our Children in FebruaryPublished on January 29, 2016
Natalie JayAdvertising Director
Peggy Elias
George Kroll
Karen Nathanson
Janice RosenBrenda Sutcliffe
Account Executives
About Our Children is published 11 times a year by the New Jersey/Rockland Jewish Media Group,1086 Teaneck Road, Teaneck, NJ 07666; telephone: 201-837-8818; fax: 201-833-4959.;e-mail: AboutOC@aol.com.
Our ChildrenAbout
Emuna Braverman
Slovie Jungreis-Wol
Rabbi Dovid Rosma
Rifka Schonfeld
Ed Silberfarb
Denise Morrison YeContributing Writers
MissionStatementAbout Our Children is designed to help Jewish families in our area live healthy, positive lives that make the most of
the resources available to them. By providing useful, current, accurate information, the publication aims to guide par-
ents to essential information on faith, education, the arts, events, and child-raising — in short, everything that today’s
Jewish family, babies to grandparents, needs to live life to the fullest in northern New Jersey and Rockland County.
James L. JanoffPublisher
Marcia GarfinkleAssociate Publisher
Heidi Mae Bratt
Editor Deborah HermanArt Director
AdvisoryBoardDr. Annette Berger, Psy.D.
Psychologist, Teaneck
Michelle Brauntuch, MS,CCLS
Child Life Specialist, Englewood Hospital, Englewood
Hope Eliasof
Marriage and Family Therapist, Midland Park
Howard Prager, DC, DACBSP
Holistic Chiropractor, Oakland
Jane Calem Rosen
Marketing and Communications Specialist
Barry Weissman, MD
Pediatrician, Hackensack and Wyckoff
Cheryl Wylen
Director of Adult Programs and Cultural Arts
YM-YWHA of North Jersey, Wayne
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8/20/2019 About Our Children, January 2016
5/24ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 20
H E I D I M A E B R A T T
New year, new you.
We see it everywhere this
time of year. And since we’ve had
our Rosh Hashanah, we get a chance to
turn over a new leaf again in 2016. What
a great opportunity, especially when fit-
ness and health concerns dominate the
headlines, to get your children, into ahealthier mode of eating well.
About Our Children consulted with
Dr. Sherry Sakowitz-Sukkar who is the
founder and director of Healthy Life-
Ways: Valley’s Center For Pediatric Well-
ness and Weight Management at The
Valley Hospital, for her expertise on how
to get your children to eat better, move
more and start a healthier way to 2016.
About Our Children: What is the
best way to get children motivated to
eat healthier?
Dr. Sakowitz-Sukkar: Involve them.
Grow vegetables in a garden together.
Bring them to a farmer’s market to go
shopping for fresh fruits and vegetables
and most importantly cook with them.Make healthy the only choice in your
home and show them that nutritious is
delicious. Also, parents should be good
role models and want to eat healthy
themselves. Children tend to copy what
their parents are eating.
AOC: How can we motivate our chil-
dren to move more?
Dr. Sakowitz-Sukkar: Make moving
fun. Find things that your child enjoys
doing. Instead of calling it exercise, call
it play time. Make family time active.
Instead of watching television together,
go for a walk or bike ride.
Find little ways to move
more. Try taking the stairs
instead of elevators and
escalators and try park-
ing your car in a park-
ing spot that requires
you to walk a little extra.
Buy birthday presents or
holiday presents that thatencourage activity such as a bi-
cycle, scooter, Frisbee or Fitbit.
AOC: How do we accomplish this
and not make them feel self-conscious,
especially girls who are prone to a nega-
tive body images because of societal
pressure and the media?
Dr. Sakowitz-Sukkar: Establish
healthy routines early on and make
healthy eating and regular physical ac-
tivity the norm in your home. This way,
your child won’t feel self-conscious
because that is all they will have expe-
rienced. Unfortunately, in the case of
overweight children, weight bias usu-
ally starts at home. Many times it’s the
family members who make the childfeel inadequate due to their weight.
Try to send positive messages to your
child that you love them no matter what
size they are and that being healthy is
the most important thing. The best re-
sults come from family-based lifestyle
modification where everyone engages
in healthy habits such as daily exercise
and healthy eating together.
AOC: What are the best foods to
serve your children?
Dr. Sakowitz-Sukkar: Real food. A
child’s diet should be a combination of
fruits, vegetables, lean pro-
teins, low-fat dairy, whole
grains and healthy fats.
Healthy beverages in-
clude water and low-fat
milk. While food shop-
ping, stick to the pe-
riphery of the grocery
store. This is where the
real food hangs out.AOC: What is the best way to
handle sugar and fat-laden treats?
Dr. Sakowitz-Sukkar: This is always
tricky. It’s easy to restrict and not intro-
duce these foods when your children
are young, but you are setting them up
for problems later when they are out on
their own. Research shows that children
whose “treats” are restricted eat more
of them and are heavier than they might
have been.
Children shouldn’t feel as though
they are being deprived or restricted. Of-
fer treats in moderation and limit what is
brought into the house. In the case of fat-
laden treats like chips or French fries, of-
fer them as part of a meal as the starch.The trick is to offer these items often
enough that your kids don’t feel like it
is forbidden, but not making it available
all of the time. In the case of sweets or
items containing added sugars, it’s okay
to offer your child a dessert at night or a
treat during the day as long as they are
eating healthy meals. As a rule of thumb,
keep your children’s added sugar intake
to less than 4 to 5 teaspoons a day or
less that 20 grams.
AOC: In what other ways can we
stem childhood obesity?
Dr. Sakowitz-Sukkar: Healthy
start at home. Your eating environ
plays such an important role in
your children eat. Parents are the
tional gatekeepers of the house.
introduce your children to unh
foods and unhealthy habits and
bring foods you don’t think your
should be eating into the house.
sure your child is active every daalways gets a good night’s sleep. S
time should be limited to less tha
hours per day and not right befor
time. Limit fast food and eating ou
having more family dinners at
Make healthy food convenient. P
up veggies and fruits in clear cont
in full view in front of the refrige
Try eating on smaller plates and
food restaurant style. Eat only wh
ting down and not in front of the TV
er force your child to finish. Never
your child for finishing. Don’t have
join the Clean Plate Club.
AOC: Any other tips for a hea
2016?
Dr. Sakowitz-Sukkar: Makeyour child is eating three meals
Read food labels. Avoid highly proc
foods. Beware of low-fat items; th
usually loaded with sugar and ma
for the reduction of fat. Children
need to drink juice at any age. It’s
better to give them the real fruit
dren learn a huge amount about h
habits from watching and imitatin
parents. If you want your children
healthy, you must lead by example
Heidi Mae Bratt is the editor of About
Children.
Our ChildreAbout
Healthier Habits Start at the FridgeBut Don’t End There
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6 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 2016
H E I D I M A E B R A T T
How do you make fitness — an es-
sential component to health and
well-being — a regular part of your
child’s life?
For some youngsters, it’s easy. They
naturally love sports: running, basket-
ball, baseball, hockey, soccer, karate, and
dance, you name your sweat-inducing,
smile-inducing sport and they’re there.
Those are the easy ones. Then there are
the others who would prefer to exercise
their fingers on the keyboard and hang
out with laptops, iPads, iPhones, you
name it here, too. That could be a bit
more of a challenge, fitness-wise.
Luckily, in our area there are a pleth-ora of fitness options for youngsters that
not only offer a wide variety of interests
and sports options to get our children
moving after school and on the weekends,
but also makes sure they have lots of fun.
For example, Northern Valley Sports
Academy in Closter has a smorgasbord
of options for youngsters from pre-K
through high school.
“We offer a full sports facility with
many options such as basketball, soccer,
baseball, lacrosse” to name a few, says
Jared Sapin, who works at Northern Val-
ley Sports Academy as an instructor and
coach.
The facility offers a full range ofclasses, including group fitness classes,
private lessons and individual instruc-
tion, in addition to “high quality coach-
es,” Mr. Sapin says.
“It’s a great way to let off steam after
school,” he says. “It’s also very good for
kids to interact with other kids their own
age outside of the school setting.”
If it’s the water that gets your chil-
dren excited, the Glenpointe Spa & Fit-
ness in Teaneck offers swim instruction
and birthday pool parties in its large
pool, which runs 50 by 30 feet in length
and with a depth of 3 to 5 feet.
Members’ youngsters, who are un-
der 14 years old, can swim free from 3
to 5 p.m., through its special after-schoolprogram during the weekdays, says Jen-
na Mehler, aquatics director for Glen-
pointe Spa & Fitness.
Glen Evans, the Glenpointe Spa &
Fitness manager, said that the facility
might also be offering some extra class-
es for teens as well in the New Year. In
the past, it had offered martial arts.
Want to reach for the stars or at
scale the heights? A five-month-old
20,000 square foot facility in Northvale is
making excitement a high for youngsters
who want to rock climb or practice their
acumen through obstacle course work.
High Exposure is an “incredib
periential” facility that gives youn
the chance to climb, practice Ninj
rior Course, Parkour classes and s
and more. High Exposure describe
as a “one-stop shopping, heart stoadrenaline pumping, extreme sp
facility for families, tots, kids, teen
adults.”
It seems to be catching on in the
says owner Stephanie Shultz. In ju
months, High Exposure already h
members on its climbing team, an
been a destination for day schools
as TABC and Ma’ayonot in Teanec
other schools, in addition to the g
public.
“There’s something extremel
powering about doing something
you’ve never done before,” say
Shultz.
At The Soccer Coliseum at TeArmory, youngsters can enjoy one
most impressive indoor soccer fac
as they partake in tournaments, le
and training galore, says Yas Tam
director of soccer operations there
A source of pride of Soccer Col
is that once engaged in the many
ties, youngsters are able to learn so
more than soccer, itself, Mr. Tambi
“Kids learn problem solving
playing the games,” he said.
For ice-skating as nice skating,
are many options good for the w
and for all-season long.
The Ice Vault Skating Arena in W
has various activities for youngst
all ages. There are public sessions,ey clinics, hockey teams, figure s
and free-style. There are also lea
skate programs, and hosting bir
parties there are also available.
In Westwood, Fritz Dietl Ice Rin
a veritable history. Established in
by Austrian born Fritz Dietl, a reno
figure skating star and coach, th
rink offers a cozy and comfortable
ing environment. It is also the birth
and home of the New Jersey Figure
ing Club.
Heidi Mae Bratt is the editor of About
Children.
Making Fitness a Good Fitand Fun for Your Children
-
8/20/2019 About Our Children, January 2016
7/24ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 20
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Theater, Arts,
Performance and MoreH E I D I M A E B R A T T
When you love dance and you
love movement, such as gym-
nastics, you can do both, or
you can like at Cresskill Performing Arts
in Cresskill, do them both together.
This year, says owner Betsy Daly, a
new offering combines the excitement of
gymnastics with the razz-ma-tazz of jazz
dance. There are four different levels of
gymnastics jazz being offered whereby
students can get both gymnastics and
acrobatic tricks as they apply to dance.The program is designed for students
from 5 years to teenagers.
“Half the class they’re doing flips
and half the class they’re dancing,” says
Ms. Daly.
In addition to the newer gymnastic
jazz class, Cresskill Performing Art of-
fers an array of classes for youngsters
to dance, sing, and learn from Broadway
professionals and more. Dance includes
ballet, pointe, jazz, tap, hip-hop, in ad-
dition to acting, singing, improv, voice,
triple threat (musical theater) to name
some.
Black Box Studios is excited to have
its own new facility in Teaneck where
classes and performances take place.
It offers classes in theater, music and
improv all year long. Professional per-
formances and events for all ages and
interest, including cutting-edge drama,
musicals and children’s shows, musical
performance and improv jams.Black Box Studios is opening its 8th
season, said Matt Okin, owner of Black
Box Studios, who is a playwright, direc-
tor and theater educator.
“Our goal,” Mr. Okin says, “is to take
everything to the next level.”
Heidi Mae Bratt is the editor of About Our
Children.
A performance at Cresskill Performing Arts.
A performance at Black Box Studios.
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8/20/2019 About Our Children, January 2016
8/24ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 20168
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Not Always the Best Lesson
When a Child Overshadows All ElsE M U N A B R A V E R M A N
When our matriarch Rachel gave birth to Jo-
seph she exclaimed, “God has taken away my
disgrace.” Rashi suggests that this was ac-
complished by providing her with a child to blame for
her faults. Why she said this and if this reflects anything
about the role of children is a long and complicated
discussion. But I was thinking about it when I taught a
class recently.
“Lori can’t come because she has a middle school
tour.” “Cathy’s daughter is home from school sick.”
“Sara has to go to a PTA meeting.” “Miriam is taking herkids to the dentist.” The list goes on and on. The class
was planned over a month ago with everyone available.
But now attendance has diminished.
This is mostly good. It reflects a recognition that
our children should be our priority. This was also ac-
knowledged by our sages in exempting women from
time-dependent commandments. We can’t be expected
to pray by a certain time of day with a minyan because
who knows what our children’s needs will be and when
they will occur. They certainly aren’t always expressed
in a timely fashion, exactly when and where we’d prefer.
On the other hand, women aren’t exempt from
praying altogether. It’s not carte blanche to ignore our
other obligations. It struck me that women have taken
this dictum, this freedom too far. You can’t pin every-
thing on the kids. Yes, if our children are stick, we need
to stay home. But if you already committed to a class,couldn’t you have scheduled the dentist appointments
or school tours for another morning? Perhaps Sara
could have requested that the PTA meet on a morning
where she doesn’t have a prior commitment.
I’m willing to accept that attending my class may not
be everyone’s priority but keeping commitments should
be and having children should not be a convenient ex-
cuse to absolve us of that responsibility. As stated, if they
need us, then of course they come first. But do they re-
ally need us now? To the exclusion of all else? At the ex-
pense of other responsibilities and commitments?
And what are we teaching our children if they watch
this behavior? I think there is one positive lesson but
a risk of two negative ones as well. The positive
how much they mean to us, how much they matte
they come first. But this can also be a negative le
we don’t want them to learn that they always com
that they can never wait their turn, or entertain
selves or put the needs of others in front of their
This would end up being an extremely damaging r
Additionally, they need to see that we have
responsibilities 8 — to other family members and
community — and that we honor our commitm
If we are constantly dropping everything to atte
their non-essential or non-emergency needs, the
believe that they are the center of the universe annothing and no one else matters. In our desire to
secure, confident, well-loved children, we may
the mistake of creating monsters.
Like I said, I’m not sure what our mother Rwas referring to. I know it had some connection to
ing the ranks of all the other mothers, of finally b
ing a member of a club in which she had felt lef
I will have to do more research to understand e
the language she used and why. But I know for sur
she didn’t mean that our children are a convenien
of avoiding any responsibilities outside of the
Perhaps we shouldn’t make commitments if our s
ules are so subject to change and variable.
Or, and here’s a radical thought, perhaps we s
just keep our commitments and plan our chil
schedules around them instead of doing the oppo
Reprinted with permission of ais
‘OF COURSE OUR CHILDREARE OUR PRIORITIES, BUTTHEY NEED TO SEE THAT WHAVE OTHER COMMITMENAND THAT WE HONOR OURESPONSIBILITIES.’
Our ChildreAbout
-
8/20/2019 About Our Children, January 2016
9/24ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 20
R A B B I D O V I D R O S M A N
I recently experienced the work of a genius
educator. When I arrived home from
work, my 10-year-old daugh-
ter excitedly brought me
her report card for
the first half of the
school year. The
grades were basically
all perfect except for the category called “organiza-
tion” — how well the student does in bringing the ap-
propriate books to class and keeping her homework
and notes organized. In that category, my daughter re-
ceived an A- (shocking, but true).
But there was something different about the minus
sign. “Look Abba, my teacher wrote the minus in pencil.She told me that she knows that really I can be much
neater and that if I improve over the next half of the
year she’ll erase the minus.”
I was floored by the teacher’s clever motivation
technique. When trying to motivate our children or stu-
dents we often use external means. We tell them that if
they improve we’ll take them out to eat or buy them a
toy that they’ve been begging us for. That method often
works, but there is a much more basic, effective way to
energize and motivate others to change — show them
that you believe that their essence is greater. Give them
the confidence in their own potential to perform better.
Give your children the confidence in their own po-
tential to perform better.
Instead of my daughter feeling badly or down for
being disorganized, she was excited about the oppor-tunity to show her teacher her “real” self. She called
her grandparents to tell them about it. She was empow-
ered, in a positive way, to grow and change.
When a parent or teacher relates to the child in
this way, he or she strengthens the trust that forms the
foundation of their relationship, allowing the child to
feel safe enough to open up and reveal his feelings or
past experiences so that the one influencing him can
give proper advice and direction.
Giving a child the recognition of his inner greatness
enables him to overcome challenges and gives him the
confidence to strive to reach his potential. He knows he
has what it takes.
Lastly, one cannot properly influence and change
another person if he does not believe in the person.
Since he doesn’t really think that the person can
change, he won’t be precise with his advice and won’tbother investing his fullest in trying to help the person.
He won’t be able to relay the message with the same
enthusiasm and passion or be willing to follow up with
the person after their discussion.
In The Song of Songs, God tells the Jewish people
“You are completely beautiful, my beloved, there is
no blemish in you” (4:7). Rabbi Moshe Cordovero, in
his kabbalistic work Tomer Devora (1:6) writes that al-
though the Jewish people makes mistakes, God doesn’t
view those mistakes as part of our essence; they are su-
perficial. God writes any minus with a pencil, showing
us that He believes in our ability to do better and giving
us the opportunity to erase it.
Our ChildreAbout
By doing so, we can eleva
ers towards reaching their ultima
tential. It’s as easy as using a pencil instead of
Rabbi Dovid Rosman is the Director of the Intermediat
Beis Medrash Program of Aish HaTorah and a rebbe in
Advanced Beis Medrash Program.
Reprinted with permission of Ai
Using the Power of the Pencil
To Recognize and Reach Potential
In any type of relationship, writes Rabbi Cordevero,
we should act God-like and view others as innately pure.
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8/20/2019 About Our Children, January 2016
10/24
10 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 2016
Globetrotting Grandparents
Hunt for the Perfect SouvenirsE D S I L B E R F A R B“N
o presents. No shopping. No
souvenirs,” my wife Sharon
vowed as we prepared for
our month-long trip abroad to celebrate
our 50th anniversary.
I tried returning her to real-
ity. “You’re willing to disappoint five
grandchildren?”
“We can’t spend time shopping, and
we can’t add bulk and weight to our car-
ry-on luggage.”
Our first stop was Stuttgart, Germa-
ny, where our son was deployed with theMarines. We arrived during the riotous
holiday “Octoberfest.” The beer halls
shook with hundreds of celebrants sing-
ing the traditional lieder while waving
overflowing steins. Most were dressed
in dirnl and lederhosen. Sharon thought
how adorable her grandchildren would
look in that costume, but she kept to her
pledge and resisted buying.
I tried tempting her. “How about a
couple of fancy beer steins for their fa-
thers?” But she was resolute.
Stuttgart is not just beer steins and
lederhosen. Its most highly prized prod-
uct is the cuckoo clock, handcrafted
in the nearby Black Forest of Bavaria.These are works of art — the basic time-
piece that “cuckoos” on the hour or the
elaborate display clocks where not only
do the birds appear hourly, but other
animated figures chop wood and dance.
They range in price from a few hundred
to a thousand dollars.
Sharon’s friend wanted one and
asked her to research the possibilities.
We examined a bewildering array, and
were intrigued by the detailed wood-
work. Were we dangerously close to
buying our very own? Sharon reassured
me that remarkable as they are, cuckoo
clocks are not her thing.
Her resolve almost broke the next
day when we visited Tubingen, a univer-sity town with medieval architecture,
intriguing alleys and irresistible shops,
including one that was selling sterling
silver flatware in our pattern 50 per cent
off. It was an agonizing half hour, but for-
tunately the necessary teaspoons and
salad forks were not available.
From Germany we went to Israel
where we have many relatives and
friends, one of whom gave us their
apartment in the 16th floor of a tower on
Disengoff Street in the heart of Tel Aviv.
Below was a vast underground shopping
mall with high-end stores offering the
latest fashions, sporting goods, electron-
ic devices, manicures, creative tattoos,
and yoga sessions, as well as leisure ca-
fes. There was also a supermarket, and
in the toiletry section Sharon picked
up a green, triangular container with a
spray nozzle.
“This is just what she wanted, and
it’s available only in Israel,” Sharon said
triumphantly. It was kosher-for-Shabbos
mouthwash and toothpaste that she had
been asked to bring back to the U.S.
I marveled at such a touching, heart-felt present, but didn’t that violate the
no-gift pledge? “This doesn’t count as a
gift. It’s a semi-necessity, like lip balm or
insect spray.”
We spent a day in Old Jaffa with
a cousin wandering through the flea
market, rummaging through boxes of
pottery, old phonograph records,
non-functioning utensils, and cloth-
ing. There was furniture, an antique
toy fire engine, a grandfather’s clock
and an old violin. Sharon was poking
through bins of costume jewelry, look-
ing for “hamsas,” the hand-shaped arti-
fact from both Jewish and Arabic legend
that wards off the evil spirit. It comes ina variety of forms and uses: earrings,
pendants, brooches and bracelets as
well as wall plaques. Sharon’s sister
had asked her to be alert for any
antique hamsas. Surely Israel is
where one could find them.
“Isn’t that considered
souvenir hunting?” I naively
asked.
“No, the hamsa is part
of Israel’s heritage,” she ex-
plained. “Looking for one
is like an archeological
dig.” But, alas, despite
our digging, we found
none.
However, what wedid find in a most un-
likely place were dreidels. We
were visiting the Sonora sec-
tion of Tel Aviv where, in the
19th Century a sect of German
religious refugees established
colonies in what is now Israel. Among
other skills, they were farmers who grew
grapes for wine, stored in caskets in vast
caves, which we explored on a specially
arranged tour.
Though the colonists are long gone,
the neighborhood has been preserved
as a heritage site, and the century-old
buildings now house restaurants, cafes
and arts and craft shops, one of which
is called The Dreidel House. True to its
name, it sells only dreidels, but not only
the simple four-sided top for Chanu-
kah games, but also elaborately crafted
dreidels that spin out proverbs, tell
ones fortune and comment on life itself.
The proprietor was a woman intent on
demonstrating the proper way to spin a
dreidel, though I insisted I had mastered
the technique.
Sharon was particularly taken byone about two inches in diameter with
a short nub of a spindle and a Yemenite
design in both gold and silver. They cost
three for 100 shekels,
about $26.
“Let’s get three, one each for our two
sons’ families and one for us.”
I said that if the ban on gift buying
were to be lifted, two simple community
dreidels for family use would not suffice,
even though they had the virtue of being
small and portable.
It was decided that a dreidel
go to each son, and the mission f
rest of the trip would be to find
ents for the five grandchildren an
daughters-in-law. The gifts had
light, compact and inexpensive
significant.
The last 10 days of our 30-day
sey were spent in Sicily. Part of the
we lived in a beautiful apartment o
by Sharon’s cousin in a 500-ye
building in Ortigia, a landmark s
of Siracusa. The rest of the time w
eled the island with a private guidexplored a treasure trove of antiq
the remains of Greek and Roman
ples, Medieval churches, and the
nants of the many other ethnic g
who had lived on that remarkable i
Jews, for example, were 40 per c
Sicily’s two largest cities before t
pulsion of 1492.
It wasn’t just history. We saw
Sicily’s important products in the
ing — olive oil and sea salt. In fac
highly prized sea salt solved part
souvenir problem. Each daughter-
would get a small package of it.
What about the grandchildren
boys would get t-shirts, but notwith dopey inscriptions that
so popular. They would ha
be meaningful. We rans
souvenir shops until we
what we wanted — one
showing Mount Etna
ing, one depicting th
lars of a Greek te
and one of a s
Sicilian villag
So far no
for the grandd
ters until we wan
through a street m
Palermo, and there
peddler’s pushcar
ron spotted them —sa earrings — one pa
each girl. We noted the iro
ter searching for two weeks in Isra
had to come to Sicily to find Judai
the other hand, the best pizza we
the entire trip was in Tel Aviv.
Ed Silberfarb was a reporter for the Be
Record in New Jersey, then the New Yo
Herald Tribune where he was City Hal
bureau chief. Later, he was a public in
mation officer for the New York City Tr
Authority and editor of one of its empl
publications.
GENERATION G
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8/20/2019 About Our Children, January 2016
11/24ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 20
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A Few Tips
for Setting Effective
Rules and LimitsD E N I S E M O R R I S O N Y E A R I A N
Most families have rules their
children are expected to obey.
But problems may occur when
guidelines are vague or parents vacillate
on rules and disciplinary measures. To
establish effective rules and limits, con-
sider these tips.
Lesson on limitsChildren need limits to teach them to be
socially intelligent: to learn how to con-trol their emotions and interact with oth-
ers. Limits are also good for providing
structure, predictability and routines,
things children thrive on.
Speak in specificsBe specific versus vague with regard to
rules and expectations. Terms such as
“behave” or “be good” are general, and
most children have trouble translating
what that means. Make directives con-
crete and state specifically what you
want your child to do. This will give him
more opportunities to succeed.
Paraphrase with the positiveChildren are more receptive to positiverather than negative commands. “Don’t”
and “stop” tell a child what not to do
but don’t explain what to do. Instead
of saying “don’t jump in that puddle,”
say, “jump over the puddle.” Although it
takes more thought and energy to con-
jure up positive words, once it becomes
a habit it will be easier.
Extend explanationsChildren are more likely to comply if
parents explain the reason why the rule
exists. This also teaches critical thinking
and helps children develop an internal
standard of regulation. By age five most
children can begin to understand whysome rules exist. Give simple, concise
and age-appropriate explanations.
Offer choices and suggest alternativesGive your child the freedom to make
choices or suggest alternatives within
the framework of your limits. This will
give him a sense of power and control
and may reduce resistance: “Do you
want milk or juice?” “You can’t have a
cookie now but you can have ice cream
after dinner.”
Navigate throughnatural consequencesThe natural consequence for violating a
rule can be the most effective method of
correcting behaviors. When misdemean-
ors do occur, talk with your child about
what he learned and help him make the
connection between the choice he’s
made and the consequences he’s now
living with. Also help him explore the
motivation or influence behind his de-
cision so he can build a foundation and
avoid that pitfall in the future.
Know your childConsider your child’s personality and
tailor limits and consequences accord-
ingly. Some kids accept limits easily. Oth-
ers are more resistant and may require a
firmer approach to get them to comply.
Love without limitOne goal of setting limits is to help your
child realize you are there to help him
learn proper behavior and love him even
when he misbehaves. When missteps
occur, remind him his behavior doesn’t
change the status of your love.
Parental controlsAvoid losing your temper, lashing out
with your tongue or dishing out too
harsh a punishment you may later have
to retract. Part of what you are trying to
teach through limit setting is self-control
so you have to model it. If you are up-
set, step back and collect yourself. Or
tell your kids you need time and will
talk with them later. This will allow you
to take your emotions out of the equa-
tion and concentrate on dealing with the
offense.
Be firm and consistentFlexible rules and routines invite resis-
tance and make it difficult to change theundesirable behaviors. When parents
vacillate with rules or consequences are
withdrawn, children will continuously
challenge them and may resort to ma-
nipulation tactic — begging, whining, ar-
guing or temper tantrums — to get their
way.
Denise Morrison Yearian is the former editor
of two parenting magazines and the mother
of three children and four grandchildren.
-
8/20/2019 About Our Children, January 2016
12/2412 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 2016
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8/20/2019 About Our Children, January 2016
14/2414 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 2016
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Sports & Fitness
Bounce U of ParamusThe Ultimate Party and Play Experie70 Eisenhower DriveParamus, NJ 07470201-843-5880www.BounceU.com/ParamusAges: Preschool to Adult
Voted #1 Best Place to have a Kids& #1 Best Kids Fun Place, Top 3 foGym. Bounce U is a party place folies and friends to share memoriewill last a lifetime. All parties and ecompletely PRIVATE for you andguests. Two giant bounce stad10 incredible inflatables. Plus theLightspace game wall! Cosmic BoGlow parties. Check out our bounce and preschool play-date sule online. Kosher available. Pleasour ad on page 7.
Fritz Dietl Ice Rink 639 BroadwayWestwood, NJ 07675201-664-9812www.fritzdietlicerink.comAges: All
Established in 1958 by AustrianFritz Dietl, a renowned figure skatinand coach, the ice rink offers a cozcomfortable skating environmentthe birthplace and home of the Nesey Figure Skating Club. Please see o
on page 17.
Glenpointe Spa and Fitness200 Frank W. Burr Blvd.Teaneck, NJ 07666201-836-5400
www.glenpointespaandfitness.comAges 6 months & up
We provide private swim lessons hance skills and endurance for children and adults. Also check owebsite to view our exclusive partyages. In addition, we offer exercisgrams for kids to lose weight ormuscle. Please see our ad on page
Ice Vault Skating Arena10 Nevins DriveWayne, NJ973-628-1500www.icevault.comAges: All
The Ice Vault has various activiti
Guide to Schoolsand Activities
Black Box Performing Arts Center of Teaneck 200 Walraven Drive, Teaneck · 201-357-2221
www.blackboxnynj.com
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Bergenfield21 West Main Street
1-888-GAN-AVIV · www.ganaviv.com
Registration for Summer Camp 2016is now open
Open Enrollment for 2016-2017 School Year
To schedule a tour, call Karen 201-452-4549.
Bilingual English-Hebrew Program
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Ages 6 Weeks to Pre-K
Fair Lawn16-00 Pollitt Drive
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15/24ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 20
kids of all ages. Public sessions, hockeyclinics, hockey teams, figure skating, free-style, “Learn to Skate” programs. Birth-day parties are also available. Please see
our ad on page 16.
Monster Mini Golf49 E. Midland Ave.Paramus, NJ 07562201-261-0032194 Route 46 EastFairfield, NJ 07004973-244-0026www.monsterminigolf.comAll ages
Monster Mini Golf is an exciting indoormonster-themed glow in the dark 18-holeminiature golf course that offers a hostof fun activities at every turn. This is notyour average mini golf course! Whetheryou’re visiting for the first time, or thehundredth, you feel the excitement andadventure of playing mini golf among ascary but cool monster décor with cus-tom and animated props at every turn.All locations are unique and custom de-signed. Monster Mini Golf is fun for allages! Our courses are challenging enoughfor adults to navigate, yet very playablefor children. Throughout your stay, youwill be entertained by our in-house crazyDJ. In addition to mini golf, each MonsterMini Golf has its own state-of-the-art ar-
cade game area, private event rooms andsome locations even have unusual giftshops! Please see our ad on page 11.
Northern Valley Sports Academy100 Oakland Avenue Closter, NJ201-750-3275www.nvsanj.comAges: Pre-K - High School
Description: First Place For Sports Train-ing. NVSA offers sports training in base-ball, basketball, lacrosse, soccer, softball,fitness, great for birthday parties, camps,tournaments year round and much more.NVSA offers instruction from profession-al college, high school and club coaches.NVSA is a 17,000 square foot facility lo-cated in the heart of Closter, NJ. Pleasestop in any time to check out the facilityand find out more about who we are andwhat we have to offer. Feel free to emailus at nvsanj100@gmail.com, or call usa 201-750-3275, and we will be happy toanswer all of your questions. Please seeour ad on page 6.
The Soccer Coliseumat Teaneck Armory1799 Teaneck RoadTeaneck, NJ 07666201-445-1900www.soccercoliseum.com
North Jersey’s historic arena! Players ofevery age and ability come to the TeaneckArmory for top soccer and more. Jumboindoor turf fields, grandstands and su-per-high ceilings create the perfect place
to play. Kinder Soccer, Youth Clinics &Leagues, Adult Leagues and more. Cre-ate-a-Class custom sports programs forschools & religious communities. Comeenjoy “the ultimate indoor sports experi-ence.” Please see our ad on page 17.
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For Children 16 months to Pre-K
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Do ChildreNeed
SpiritualityS L O V I E J U N G R E I S - W O L F F
When I began my journey of connecting
parents after writing, “Raising a Child
Soul,” there were some who could no
om the idea that children are spiritual beings. I
recalled my father’s words as he gazed at my new
son in the nursery. “Slova Chanalah, this little so
arrived from the heavens above. He was learning
from the mouths of angels. He came into this wor
purest of the pure. Watch over him and teach him
There was no doubt for me; children are born nat
spiritual.Now, a Columbia University psychologist, D
Miller, has written a book asking us to think abo
child’s spiritual journey in this world. We learn
there is EQ, IQ, and natural spirituality as well. Ch
possess an innate spiritual compass that is part
biological endowment; it must be cultivated to flo
Through highlighting psychological and neurol
research, she proves that children raised in a n
ing spiritual life are happier, more successful, mo
silient, more optimistic, and better able to handl
challenges. These children grow up to become
who live with grit, are aware of their blessings, fin
pose and mission in their careers, value their re
ships and see hardships as priceless opportuniti
She compels parents to think about their chil
sacred growth through scientific research. A stutwins shows that a person’s sense of being conn
to a higher being is inherited. In other words yo
create a spiritual legacy and pass it on to your ch
Any parent of teenagers w
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17/24ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 20
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thrilled to learn that they can help
protect their teens from engaging
in risky behaviors and even cope
better with depression by helping
them be in touch with their spiri-
tual side. Miller takes the case for
spirituality further by warning us
that “spiritual stunting” can causedamage by preventing a child from
developing a true sense of self and
resiliency. Crisis occurs when a
child’s spiritual development is ne-
glected or denied.
In a world where parents strive
to give their children the best ed-
ucation, encounter experiences
from zip-lining in jungles to swim-
ming with dolphins, compete in
extreme sports tournaments, encourage art, dance and
music and learn languages like Mandarin, where does
spirituality fit in? The question is especially hard-hitting
for those who feel disconnected and spiritually alien-
ated. Miller asks parents to consider the possibility of
offering piano lessons to children even if they, them-
selves, don’t know how to play. Would one offer a childsomething beneficial even though it feels strange and
unfamiliar?
This is an especially crucial question when we
contemplate the world that we live in. Our children
are growing up in a culture where empty fame and
excessive materialism are worshipped. Children are
constantly posting and taking selfies learning to focus
exclusively on themselves. Bullying, cynicism, casual
cruelty surrounds them. How can we help our children
grow generous in heart and spirit?
I spoke with Dr. Miller and asked her these
questions.
Q: What does raising a spiritual child mean to to-
day’s parents?
A: Every child born is a spiritual child. This be-
comes our opportunity to support our child’s birth-right. When we pay attention, respond with love and
interest to spiritual wonder, we help ourselves raise a
spiritual child. And this is irrespective of tradition or
your own religious upbringing. Every child has this
birthright to build this relationship. This is an entirely
different way of raising children than if we remain si-
lent. To pave the road back to natural spirituality we of-
fer our child access, focus parents’ attention and offer a
path. This involves being transparent. Go the extra mile
to put the spirituality in the child’s life.
And as a sidebar, she added, a child comes natu-
rally with a universe of spirituality. Help build your
spiritual child. Every tradition has a language and prac-
tice; every child can know what is meant. Research
has shown that it is not enough to be kind. Optimism,
forgiveness and regret are all required virtues. In 4 out
of 5 kids, a child is as virtuous as they have personalspirituality — connecting with a Higher Power. Charac-
ter strength and virtues go hand in hand.
Q: What would you say to parents who tell me that
they are too overwhelmed trying to handle getting
their children into the right schools and overwhelming
academic pressures, basically saying that raising a suc-
cessful child today takes time and there is just no time
left to put into spirituality?
A: The most important thing we can do towards out-
ward success — college, skills, grades — is to give human
fulfillment. Both correlate with a strong spiritual life. This
means giving children a sense of fulfillment; from tal-
ents and gifts to making a contribution to this world as
a sacred self. There is performance
and then there is meaning in life.
Children fall apart with only a per-
formance self. If they don’t know
where they are or why they are here
it becomes an empty life. Children
with a sacred sense of the world
have less depression. Children havean inner spiritual compass, a calling
that says ‘where I want to go’. And
at age 45 if one is left by a spouse
or loses money the performance
self is shattered but the sacred self
remains.
Q: You say in your book, “The
Spiritual Child: The New Science
on Parenting for Health and Life-
long Thriving” that children, espe-
cially teens, have a growing spiritual need. What about
the ‘spiritually cynical’ parent?
A: When a parent is cynical and so jaded, there is
not much left. That is an empty bucket. We do have
in us an open heart in whatever language we can be
moved to hold value in the beauty of life. That’s not
sappy; it’s real. It’s bedrock. And it’s a much healthierway of living. Our children need a spiritual hub.
I have been reflecting on this last question that I
asked, about spiritually cynical parents. There are
many who must grapple with being apathetic or even
opposed to their child’s spiritual path. It is not an easy
challenge. But we must take a moment and reflect on
our responsibility as parents. We have a higher calling.
It is up to us to nurture our children’s souls and give
them tools for life. We try hard to provide our children
with the best in life, why stop when it comes to their
spiritual path? It behooves each parent to consider the
price their child is paying for their cynical spirit. Our
legacy includes a connection to God that anchors our
children to values and beliefs, enhancing their lives
with purpose, stability and meaningful traditions, mak-
ing them more likely to avoid risky behavior.
Parents who explore the wonder of life and delve
into this new spiritual world along with their children
discover the magic of the soul. Within each of us lies a
spark. Perhaps in some it is merely an ember, but still,the spark remains waiting to be ignited. And sometimes
it takes a child to kindle the soul of his parent. How can
we deny our child this gift of life?
As we concluded our conversation, we spoke to-
gether about the mission we share, to bring spiritual-
ity home. Dr. Miller added. “Tell parents this is not one
more thing to do. It’s about sitting still. Showing up. Do-
ing less and being present more.”
The journey awaits us.
Slovie Jungreis-Wolff is a parenting educator and author of
“Raising a Child With Soul” (St. Martin’s Press).
Reprinted with permission of aish.com
Dr. Lisa Miller
‘WE HAVE A HIGHERCALLING. IT IS UP TO US TONURTURE OUR CHILDREN’S
SOULS AND GIVE THEMTOOLS FOR LIFE.’
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18 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 201618 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 2016
Putting the Right Kind of Attention
On Attention Deficit DisorderR I F K A S C H O N F E L D
Most of us find ourselves a little
“scattered” at moments. Who
hasn’t zoned out during a meet-
ing or while listening to a speech? Or
found their attention wandering during
conversations with friends or co-work-
ers? Forgetting where we put the car
keys or why we dropped by the super-
market are experiences we can all relate
to.
For many people, however, absent-
mindedness, “scattered” thinking and
disorganization are not merely occasion-
al lapses. They are chronic and persis-tent, to the point of impairing a person’s
functioning. When attention deficit is
present to this degree, it can indi-
cate the presence of a neurological
disorder.
ADD and ADHD (attention
deficit with hyperactivity)
are among the most preva-
lent chronic conditions
plaguing school children
in the United States, ex-
perts say. In a majority
of cases, left untreated,
the symptoms – and their
emotional fallout – con-
tinue through adulthood.
What Exactly Is ADHD?ADHD is a neurological dis-
order characterized by inap-
propriate levels of inattention,
over-activity, and impulsivity.
Symptoms arise in early childhood
but are not always identified correctly.
Signs of inattention include: difficul-
ty following instructions; difficulty sus-
taining attention; loses things necessary
for tasks; poor attention to details; dis-
organized, surrounded by clutter; makes
careless mistakes; appears sluggish/
drowsy; forgetful; chronic daydream-
ing; appears apathetic or unmotivated
to complete tasks; appears “spacey,”preoccupied; appears confused, lost in
thought; difficulty complying with rules
Signs of hyperactivity and impul-
sivity include: difficulty awaiting turn;
interrupts/intrudes; blurts out answers;
difficulty playing quietly; difficulty re-
maining seated; excessive writhing,
squirming, playing with objects, fidget-
ing; excessive talking.
Early Detection and InterventionDetecting ADHD early can be enormous-
ly beneficial for the child. “The emotion-
al insight and empowerment that comes
with early detection of ADHD can trans-
form a child’s world,” says Dr. Edward
Hallowell, a Harvard-based psychiatrist
who treats ADHD children and has au-
thored many books on the subject.
Instead of facing a steady barrage
of criticism that destroys self-worth, a
child whose ADD is detected in the early
grades is helped to learn about his spe-
cial neurological challenges, and to mas-
ter specific strategies to stay on top of
them, he explains. Early
intervention
“ c a n
transform a victim into a victor.”
Ironically, the vast increase in ADD/
ADHD diagnoses across the country
has given rise to skepticism in some
quarters about the disorder. Teacherswho try to make parents aware of their
child’s attention issues often encounter
opposition. They find that some parents
brush aside the suggestion that ADHD
might be present, and are quick to put
the onus on the teacher.
The child is “bored,” the parents
argues, or lacking stimulation. “He has
no problem concentrating at home. Per-
haps if you made the lessons more inter-
esting, he would pay better attention.”
This reaction underscores one of
the key misconceptions about attention
deficit disorder. An ADHD child often
has no trouble focusing on an activity
he or she finds enjoyable. One can find
such children engaged in games, crafts
or other projects in which they have
natural skill or interest.
However, as soon as the subject mat-
ter becomes more abstract or requires
sustained mental effort, the ADHD child
typically loses interest. She begins to
fidget and be disruptive, or to “space
out.”
Parents who
do not see
their
child in a classroom context obviously
have no frame of reference with which togauge attention issues, hyperactivity or
impulsivity. Only when these behaviors
are measured against those of his peers,
and combined with a parent’s observa-
tions of behavior at home, can a valid
diagnosis be made – and then only by a
professional.
Since there is no blood test, x-ray
or sonogram that can identify ADHD, a
specialist arrives at a diagnosis through
skilled interviewing of the child, parents
and teachers, as well as careful observa-
tion and weighing of data and anecdotal
evidence over a period of time.
Socially ImmatureCurrent research shows that ADH
dren are often socially immature.
interactions with others often a
unfriendly, awkward, remote, abr
domineering or insensitive. They
not to be able to read social cues a
be rebuffed by peers for inappro
behavior.
Social rejection provokes ne
behavior that triggers more reje
which in turn, reinforces the child
cial isolation.
“ADD children may become dalized, believing they are little mor
a nuisance,” notes an article i
on Education. “Feelings of lo
esteem begin to emerge.
children tend to co
themselves unfavorably
their siblings and
They may believe
their families are
pointed in them, a
gin to feel unlove
unappreciated.”
Although m
tion has been us
years to improv
trol over behavito stimulate an
crease attention,
cation does not
the negative fe
and low self-estee
does not reverse ing
habits and behavior in
children that tend to al
their peers.
Many experts believe that
ing ADHD children to rebuild self-e
and to master social skills shou
company the use of medication
when ADHD kids can truly believ
they are important and worthwhil
can exercise control over their live
they be able to succeed.Current research shows that
half of children with ADHD will con
to have difficulties with inattentio
tractibility, and impulsivity for th
of their lives. The best way to
long-term success and complianc
treatment is to get ADHD childre
sonally involved in the process ear
MedicationMedication is, of course, another
option for many with ADHD. For
children, medications such as R
SPECIAL NEEDS
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8/20/2019 About Our Children, January 2016
19/24ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JANUARY 20
can be extremely beneficial, allowing
them to focus and concentrate for ex-
tended periods of time. There are also
many instances in which medication
is not necessary, but for most children
with ADHD, medication is an important
step on the road to success.
Classroom Modifications for ADDand ADHDThe following suggestions may be of
help in the classroom for children with
ADD. Seat students in rows. Having
children sit in groups increases distrac-
tions for the ADHD child. Seat ADHD
student near teacher’s desk, up front
with her back to the rest of the class,
but include as part of regular class
seating. Surround ADHD student with
“good role models,” preferably stu-
dents whom the ADHD child views fa-
vorably. Encourage buddying up during
class time, whenever appropriate. Do
not place the ADD/ADHD student near
air conditioners, heaters, high traffic ar-
eas, doors or windows. Keep the class-room door closed. Keep the room free
of clutter. Distracting posters, signs,
and hanging pictures should relate to
the lesson being presented. ADD chil-
dren do not handle change very well so
whenever possible, avoid transitions,
changes in schedule, physical reloca-
tion and disruptions.
ADD CoachingMany people have found ADHD coach-
ing a highly effective and more afford-
able alternative to counseling. An ADHD
“coach” works with a child often on her
own turf, to analyze what specifically is
contributing to her social difficulties,
and to generate behavioral strategies to
improve social interactions.ADHD coaching also helps children
to understand that the source of many of
their challenges is ADHD, not personal
shortcomings. Safely examine areas of
failure for clues as to how to implement
change. Heighten self-awareness and
self-observation skills, and use those
skills to improve dec
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