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How to Win in Challenging Times with G.R.O.W.
(Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A
Framework for Personal and Professional Growth©
Ray Samuels
Keynote Speaker, Motivational Speaker & Coach
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Foreward
Grace. Generosity. Gratitude. These are words that describe my friend, Ray
Samuels. I believe it is rare to meet a person during our lifetime that has a significant
and lasting impact, and makes us want to be better people. I can say that Ray has been
this person for me. Most people will encounter at least one challenging life event
however there are others, like Ray who unfortunately have had to handle a multiple of
ongoing challenges. Despite adversity, Ray persevered even in the darkest of times. He
did not show anger or complain but demonstrated optimism and resilience. He reached
out to others unselfishly. He was able to see the positive aspects of his life and express
his gratitude.
When my son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, I realized that I needed to find
a way out of that darkness. I knew that I had persevered during other difficulties, and
the knowledge that I had strengths such as resilience and optimism, and could develop
them further, was the key to helping me turn my own darkness into light. Ray’s
message is that there can be growth after adversity. I do believe this to be true.
Ray is a remarkable person. I hope you will be inspired by Ray’s story of
adversity and personal growth. I also hope that Ray’s message can impact your life in a
positive way, and you can do the same for someone else in need.
With the deepest love and respect. Patrice Palmer
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Introduction
“Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes
life meaningful.” Joshua J. Marine
I would like to invite you to read my story of personal tragedy and growth
through adversity. My purpose is to share my journey and inspire you should you or
someone you know who may be experiencing challenges. The G.R.O.W. Framework was
developed in response to a devastating loss that I experienced. G.R.O.W. - Gratitude,
Resilience, Optimism and Willpower are traits that can be learned and developed. I
believe that by applying the G.R.O.W. Framework to all aspects of our lives, we can
become more self-aware, resilient and optimistic, and cultivate what is best in us and
others.
The G.R.O.W. Framework is based on research in the areas of positive
psychology, neuroscience and education as well as my own lived experiences and
discussions with people who have experienced their own challenging life events.
Positive psychology is the scientific study of human flourishing and is not part of the
self-help movement. It does not look at what is wrong with people, but what is right
with us. It also does not focus solely on happiness and positivity as all emotions help
people to reach their full potential. The latest research in positive psychology suggests
that there can be personal growth after adversity or seeing “doors opening”. Positive life
change is possible, and through the G.R.O.W. Framework, I have realized my strengths
during times of adversity.
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As a result of developing and applying the G.R.O.W. Framework, I believe that
you will become more confident in your abilities to accept that you can grow through
your own challenges, whether they are personal or professional, as a parent, teacher,
coach, student, business owner or simply as a person who is struggling, and wants to
live fully and positively affect those around us. I want to show you how to grow
through life. I encourage you to keep reading.
Ray Samuels
Disclaimer: This course is not intended as a treatment for serious mental health issues. If you are suffering from depression or anxiety, or other mental health issues, I strongly urge you to seek out a mental health professional in your community immediately.
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Life’s Challenges
Aspirations, achievements and accomplishments provide us with a sense of
satisfaction, fulfillment and well-being. However life is filled with challenges, obstacles,
stress and adversity that may prevent or delay us from living the life we want to be
living. Have you ever struggled through a challenging life event? Have you ever
wondered why some people suffer hardships and do not falter? Why do some people
buckle under pressure? And what makes others bend and ultimately bounce back? Do
you feel confident that you could persevere in the face of a personal or professional
setback? Do you know how can we cultivate what is best in ourselves and in others, and
experience personal growth in spite of adversity? I would like to introduce you to my
story of both loss and growth.
My Life Challenges
I have been a successful entrepreneur since I was a teenager. I have been blessed
with abundant financial success however this has not made me immune to experiencing
difficult and challenging life events. People might assume that having great personal
wealth would guarantee happiness, and solve all of life’s problems. It is true that I was
able to enjoy many things because of hard work which lead to my financial success but
business disputes and costly lawsuits, personal health issues and tragedy that struck my
family made me realize that money could never buy what I needed to help me through
these difficult periods in my life.
I would like to share with you my personal story of a devastating loss. I am one of
five children – four brothers and one sister. This story is about my eldest brother,
Michael with whom I had a close relationship. When we got together, our conversations
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ranged from family, politics, sports, business and his favourite subject - music. Michael
was always in good spirits when he was surrounded by music. His love and passion for
music afforded him the opportunity to meet some terrific people in his life. As a DJ and
sound man, Michael supplemented his income by pursuing his passion.
In 2007, Michael was diagnosed with colon cancer. He yearned to be surrounded
by his children and grandchildren. He was blessed to survive his first bout of cancer
however I noticed a difference in him. I decided to make it a priority to spend quality
time with him. Michael became very reflective about his life and he would often share
his thoughts. I encouraged him to search for deeper understanding and come to terms
with the fact that we all experience times in our lives where if given a second chance, we
would act and behave differently. I remember sharing with him that every day is a new
day to make a difference in our own lives and the lives of others. It's a choice whether or
not we decide to make that difference. I shared some of my own challenges and how that
with my positive outlook, I was confident that everything would work out. I was resilient
and optimistic about the future. Michael felt encouraged so I thought that everything
was good however this was not the case.
It was a sunny brisk morning in October 2008 when I received a call from
Michael. He said that he felt it was best if he killed himself. He said that he loved me
and he appreciated all that I was doing for him. Michael told me that his colon cancer
had reappeared. He felt defeated, and believed that he was unable to bounce back again.
I reminded him that he was loved by many and tried to encourage him to see that it was
possible to get through this. He was only 47 years old and had a whole life ahead of him.
I spoke love into his heart and I committed to support him in any way. We had a
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breakthrough; he had a change of heart. He made me promise that I would not speak of
this with our mother or anyone for that matter. I kept my promise.
During the next few months, I spent a considerable amount of time with Michael.
We engaged in very long conversations. I shared openly my own challenges and how I
believed that with the power of a growth mindset, resilience and optimism, I could
overcome any difficulties. Michael sought counselling and was also under the care of
his family physician. Slowly, Michael showed resilience by bouncing back and engaging
in activities that he loved such as music. Michael was very meticulous in preparation of
such events and there was a glow every time he was asked to play at a party or event. He
visited the gym in order to keep himself in shape and clear his mind. He believed in the
adage - healthy body, healthy mind - however he was masking his true feelings from
others.
December 8, 2008, is a day that I will never forget. The phone rang at 6:55 p.m.
My brother was on the other end telling me that he loved me. He said “I’m not in a good
place right now but I really appreciate everything that you’ve done for me”. My heart
started to race as I immediately knew that something was wrong. I tried to remain calm
and asked Michael where he was. He said that it wasn’t important but that he was close
by. He told me not to find him because it would be too late. I asked him if something
had happened. There was silence on the other end and I realized that we had been
disconnected.
My first call was to 911. I told the operator that I just received a call from my
brother and believed that he was suicidal. I asked the operator if it was possible to
triangulate his cell phone and send the police over to his location. The operator told me
that someone had just called in with a similar description. I was familiar with the
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location the operator mentioned, and as I was preparing to leave home, Michael called
me again. He asked me to tell my mother, my siblings and his children that he loved
them all. He said he was going away forever and that this was for the best. I did not
know that Michael was in a parking lot just eight minutes down the road. While he was
talking to me on the phone, I heard a person saying “don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it!”
I found out later what that statement meant. Then Michael poured gasoline on himself
and set himself on fire. The coroner said he had the phone attached to his ear while he
was on fire. His last words on the phone were “I love you Raymond”. Then there was
silence.
Sadly, Michael believed that taking his life would ease his pain. I have learned
that without much thought we often take for granted some of life's basic tasks. Take for
example lifting a teacup that we do so effortlessly. However, for someone who is
suffering from mental illness, a simple task such as lifting a teacup becomes unbearable
or in some cases impossible. This tragic event has had a significant impact on my family
and me. Healing has taken a long time but I have never really gotten over my brother’s
death. I have learned that it is important to move forward even through such pain and
loss. I have also come to understand mental illness and have developed more
compassion and less judgement regarding this common illness in our society. If you or
a family member is suffering from mental illness, please seek immediate help. I urge
you to do this.
The ability to overcome personal and professional challenges, and prepare myself
for future challenges, has required work and reflection. I know and believe in my
abilities to meet challenges head on. It hasn’t always been easy but I believe in my
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ability to bounce back. I also believe that we can be strong even in the face of
challenges and setbacks, and this is the message that I want to share. However for those
suffering from mental illness, difficulties can be overwhelming, and again I ask you to
seek immediate help from mental health professionals.
Although I have experienced significant success in my professional life, I have felt
a deep longing to live my true passion, and bring more meaning to my life, and the lives
of others. I believe that this is my purpose. I want to inspire you to persevere through
challenging times. I have personally been able to grown through several difficult life
events and I want to share my message with you. I have discovered that having a
Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism and Willpower has enabled me to move through
challenging times and prepare myself for any unseen future obstacles. I would like to
share the G.R.O.W. Framework with you because I believe that it can help you in your
current challenges and learn to apply this framework in future for yourself or for others.
The G.R.O.W. Framework
The G.R.O.W. Framework is a powerful, but simple tool that can be learned and
applied to our own situations. Once we have mastered our understanding that we can
develop and apply this framework, we have confidence in these traits to bounce back
and persevere with optimism. The G.R.O.W. Framework is based on research in the
areas of positive psychology, neuroscience and education. Gratitude, Resilience,
Optimism and Willpower are traits that can be assessed, learned, developed and applied
to all aspects of our lives. How to Win in Challenging Times with G.R.O.W. (Gratitude,
Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A Framework for Personal and Professional
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Growth© Online Course contains six modules. Each module (Module One: Mindsets
Matter, Module Two: Gratitude, Module Three: Resilience, Module Four: Optimism,
Module Five: Willpower, Module Six: Growing Forward) has been organized by
describing the trait, outlining why the trait is important and research-based tips on how
you can develop the trait. There are also self-assessment tools, videos from experts in
the field, reflection activities and a doable action at the end of each module. There is
also an Introduction to the course, and a G.R.O.W. Journal for reflection and writing
which includes positive quotes. The course ends will a culminating task and reflection.
G.R.O.W. Online Course Outline
Here is a brief outline the online course - How to Win in Challenging Times with
G.R.O.W. (Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A Framework for Personal and
Professional Growth©:
Module One: Mindsets Matter
Mindsets are beliefs about yourself and your most basic qualities. You may
believe that these qualities are fixed traits (fixed mindset) or you may think that these
qualities can be developed (growth mindset). It is important to have the right mindset
before embarking on personal or professional growth.
What is a Growth Mindset? People with a growth mindset believe that:
their qualities, skills and talents can be developed through dedication, hard work
and effort.
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their potential is unknown and they are motivated by hard work
effort is not be avoided but is viewed as necessary to grow
challenges and obstacles are not failures but opportunities to learn negative
feedback is not perceived as being directly about them but rather about their
current abilities, and is viewed as an opportunity to improve
Why is a Growth Mindset important?
A growth mindset will help us get through challenges, obstacles and persevere.
Can you develop a Growth Mindset?
Absolutely! This module will assess your current mindset and provide tips to develop
it.
Module Two: Gratitude
“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world”. John Milton
What is Gratitude?
The word gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, which means grace,
graciousness, or gratefulness.
Gratitude is:
a thankful appreciation for what we have received. When we express our
gratitude, we acknowledge the goodness in our lives.
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Usually we recognize that the source of our goodness lies partially outside
ourselves.
Gratitude helps us connect to something larger than ourselves such as other
people, nature, or a higher power.
Why is Gratitude important?
In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated
with greater happiness.
It helps us feel more positive emotions, appreciate good experiences, improve our
health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.
Can we Cultivate Gratitude?
Absolutely! Most of the studies published on this topic support an association
between gratitude and an individual’s well-being. Regardless of the inherent or current
level of someone’s gratitude, it’s a quality that individuals can successfully
cultivate further. Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what we have instead of
always reaching for something new in the hopes it will make us happier. Gratitude helps
us refocus on what we have instead of what we lack. This mental state grows stronger
with use and practice.
Module Three: Resilience
“Resilience is not about being untouched by adversity, but to play an active role in how it transforms you.” Kelly McGonigal
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What is Resilience?
Resilience is the capacity of a person to maintain integrity in the face of dramatically
changed circumstances. It is functioning with a sense of purpose, meaning and forward
momentum in the face of trauma.
Resilience is:
It is the recovery from setbacks in life, and your quality of bouncing back
It is the ability to cope with ongoing change
Optimism also helps. Resilient people EXPECT to bounce back, and often
stronger than before. They know that the situation is not permanent. They feel
confident that they can overcome the challenge or obstacle. They believe that the
struggle to overcome adversity helps them to develop new strengths
Why is Resilience important?
Few people will go through an entire lifetime without their resilience being
challenged. Resilience helps us to respond and adapt effectively to stress and
unforeseen pressures.
We will be better able to view setbacks and challenges as manageable and have a
greater ability to cope with the daily stresses in life.
Being resilient in one aspect of our life (relationships) can help us in other areas
(work).
It helps us to transform hardships into challenges, failure into success and
helplessness into power. Without resilience, we may think inaccurately about the
obstacles and use problem-solving approaches that are not effective
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Resilience helps us to derive meaning from failure. We can use the knowledge from
our experiences to climb higher and achieve more.
Resilient people have greater zest and energy for life, and are curious and more
open to new experiences
Can you develop Resilience?
Absolutely! New scientific research suggests that personal resiliency is more
widespread, improvable and teachable than previously thought.
Resilience is rooted in beliefs, values, character, experiences, genes and habits of
the mind – habits we can change. This module provides tools to develop your level of
resilience.
Module Four: Optimism
“Choose to be optimistic, it feels better.” Dalai Lama XIV
What is Optimism?
Optimism is a habit or style of looking at challenges, failure and setback in ways
that increase one’s own hope and persistence. Being optimistic enables us to live with
happiness and fulfilment in the face of life’s challenges. Optimism is more than seeing
the glass half full or half empty or always seeing the silver lining. It is also more than
just positive thinking, giving ourselves daily pep talks and repeating positive phrases
and visualizing what we want to see happen in our lives.
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Why is Optimism important?
People who have a sense of optimism tend to see things in a positive light, and
learn from negative situations (growth mindset)
Optimistic people persist and their struggle brings deep satisfaction
Optimism is linked to effective coping skills. Optimists deal more effectively with
their problems rather than avoid them. Optimists are more action-oriented.
Optimists believe that a good outcome will eventually result from their efforts
Can you develop Optimism?
Absolutely! The best approach to becoming more optimistic is to recognize and
dispute pessimistic thoughts. This module will provide concrete ways for you to develop
optimistic thinking.
Module Five: Willpower
“Improving willpower is the surest way to a better life”. Roy Baumeister
What is Willpower?
Willpower is the ability to resist short-term temptations to attain long-term goals. It
is the capacity to override an unwanted thought, feeling or impulse. Did you know that
people regularly cite lack of willpower as the number one reason for not following
through?
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Making decisions seems to deplete our willpower. The same energy that is used
for self-control is also used for making decisions. If it is depleted, it may be the
cause why we lose self-control.
To have more self-control, it is important to develop more self-awareness (the
ability to understand what we are doing and why we are doing it)
Why is Willpower important?
People regularly cite lack of willpower as the number one reason for not following
through on changes or goals
People who have greater self-control are those who have greater success in life
Can you develop Willpower?
Absolutely! Willpower is like a muscle which can get stronger the more you use
it. People give up not because they lack willpower, but because they feel overwhelmed by
the enormity of their goals. This module provides ways to develop your willpower.
Module Six: Growing Forward
In this module, the final activity connects the doable actions that you have
identified in each of the modules. There is a chance to reflect on the traits that you have
assessed, learned and developed, and ask yourself how you might help others when you
are able to.
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Conclusion
Growing through Life’s Challenges
The ability to persevere during challenges times and then come out stronger on
the other side is possible. It might be hard to imagine that we can actually grow because
of or despite challenging life events. Despite my personal and professional challenges, I
have chosen to find ways to positively impact the lives of others. Speaking to groups,
and connecting to others has brought me such great joy. This is an example of “doors
opening” – the belief that people can grow despite adversity.
I have used the G.R.O.W. Framework to help me “win” during my challenging
times. I invite you to learn how to develop and apply the G.R.O.W. Framework to all
aspects of your life and to help others.
Let us take this journey together so that we can grow through and because of life’s
challenging times. Please reach out to me at wininchallengingtimes@gmail.com
Ray Samuels
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Testimonials
Please read what people have said about How to Win in Challenging Times with
G.R.O.W. (Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A Framework for Personal and
Professional Growth©.
“You are doing amazing work. It is dynamic. You are very talented in so many ways, free up and share with the world how one person can break the barriers and find that amazing power within that can set you free to be anything you want to be”. B. K. “It was inspirational and although there is a lot of information, it is presented in an accessible way and is not overwhelming. I liked the fact that there is an interesting mix of sources from TED talks to quizzes. The module I learned the most from was the one on resilience. The list of questions about resilience was thought-provoking and I wasn't sure what the answers would be so it made me think about resilience in a slightly different way”. Janet Machio
“I really enjoyed G.R.O.W. and I can say with a 100% assurance that it was very powerful in helping me to turn my view of my particular situation from a “misfortune” or a “difficulty” which I have no control over, to an “opportunity” to a be a better ME and to create a better life for myself and my family”. “Although I am an optimistic person by nature, a series of ongoing struggles can bring me to a state where I start blaming the outside world for my misfortunes. The “Optimism” definitely helped me to put my situation in perspective and to pull all MY resources, my will, my mindset, my knowledge and experience to make this difficulty work to my advantage. It reminded me that positive thinking, growth mindset and the optimism will give me strength to be persistent, to stay in charge of my situation and to become more resilient as a result”. “It is written in a way that it is very easy to read, to follow, to relate and to apply to a specific situation. I liked the references to Martin Seligman’s Explanatory Style and the ABCDE Model and the idea that we can actually develop optimism by changing the way we think and act as a result. “Open to Optimism,” is very valuable part of the subject as it helps to analyze and reach even deeper insight to one’s feelings at a difficult time. It also describes how to change the way you think and how to create your own action plan having positive and optimistic thoughts. Realistic Optimism is a great reminder to stay in touch with reality and to be prepared for the worst. I do believe it will have a huge impact on millions of people”. Winnie
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“I love it. Great, positive ideas. I know I talked to our kids about picking yourself up when things don't work out the way you thought they might. I tried to see how my own life fits with the G.R.O.W. Framework and it works well”. Judy Smith
“What I personally experienced is as
1. Easy to read, understand and to follow the instructions 2. Self-assessment questionnaire and GROW Well-Being Journal - are great tools
which could be applied immediately 3. Key points are connected throughout: Positive Psychology combined with hard
work, perseverance, self-motivation, self-discipline can create a chain reaction which will gradually turn your life around.
4. Realizing that it’s the challenges, adversity and tough times that make us more resilient and, again, it all starts from within, it’s the ability to change our thinking, manage our emotions and being optimistic that help us to find and build the personal power”. S.W.
“I thought it conveyed the message clearly and will motivate those who struggle to sit back, think, and then look within if they do have or lack these character traits, muscle or whatever. It will inspire people to learn how to develop these traits. They can be taught. When developing these traits with wisdom, I think people become better people; free of greed, anger, envy and full of loving kindness, generous and compassion. What you are doing is showing, through example, how to assist people to grow”. Kanthi Uyangoda
Disclaimer: This course is not intended as a treatment for serious mental health issues. If you are suffering from depression or anxiety, or other mental health issues, I strongly urge you to seek out a mental health professional in your community immediately.
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