i hope this reaches her in time

Ihopethis

reachesherintime

CONTENTS

Ihopethisreachesherintimeyoushouldhavelovedherwhenshecared1:11…CopyrightPage

goodwomenaretiredofgivingtheirlovetopeoplewhodonothingbutbreaktheirspiritmightywomenaretiredofusingtheirstrengthtoholdontorelationshipsthataren’tworthyoftheirenergythesewomenarecapableofwalkingawayandtheywill

eventuallythegirlyoutookforgrantedwilltakeherloveandgiveittoherselfandsomedaysomeonebetterthanyouwillloveherinallthewaysyoucouldn’t

thejoyisreplacedwithsadnessyourexpectationsbecomedisappointmentthetruthwasjustanattractivelieabunchoflettersformingwordsthatcametogethertocreatesentencesofmanipulationtheheartbecomescoldasiftoloseit’ssummerthesoulbecomestiredyouandyourrestlessspiritwhat’sbehindthosedeadeyesyouwearthatblankexpressionlikenewskinyouwearsadnesslikethelatestfashionyouwearpainlikegarmentsyou’vebeendrapedinanguishdon’tyoumisswhoyouwerebeforewhoyoubecametookoveryourlife

doyoumissyourself

likeimissyou

doyouevenrememberwhatitfeltliketobehappyhaveyouforgottenyourselfbeneathyourtroubles

andallofthisforalovethatturnedouttobehatredallofthisforaheartthatneverdeservedyoursallofthishurtforarelationshipthatwouldneverworkallofyourselfallofeverythinginvestedintosomethingthatnowfeelslikenothing

dropsofrainonwindowsthecitylookslikeyouasmelancholyfillsthestreetsthechillintheairfeelslikeyourbreathandtheweatherresembleseverythingthatsitswithinyoursoulyouarecold

attimesnumbyourunfromthefeelingofitallsometimesyousimplywalkbuteitherwayitallcatchesuptoyoulikedarknessconsuminglightandyouareoncemoreremindedofallthethingsyouforceyourselftoforgetaren’tyoutiredofthisshittheconstantstrugglethefeelingoflonelinesswhilelyingnexttotheonewhopromisedtoloveyoubutneverkepttheirwordwaitingforchangeafraidtoacceptthatitwon’tgetbetter

aren’tyoutiredoftheirshitthebackandforthnotknowingwhereyoustandthewars,allthisfightingwithoutthefeelingofvictoryallyou’vefeltisdefeat

thegirlwhodeservesthesunistiredofbeingrainedon

thegirlyoudon’tappreciatewillgettiredoflovingyou

mygenerationisfilledwithloverswhowillneverknowthetruemeaningoflove

relationshipsthatfeelmorelikeaprisontermandahappinessthatissimplyadelusion

mygeneration,filledwithchaosnopeace,it’sdifficult,it’scomplicatedit’snothing,ithurts,itgetsworse

youshouldhavelovedherwhenshecared

youshouldhavetriedharderforher

1:11…

onedayyou’llmissheronedayyou’llunderstandtherewillbenightsfilledwithdarknessandyouwilllookforherlighttherewillbenightswheresleepwill

escapeyouandyourmindwillthinkofwhatisgoneshe,likememories

willrunthroughyourbrainlikebloodsurgingthroughveinsandyou’llreachforherhandthenfindyourselflostshecouldhavebeentheloveofyourlifebutyou

refusedtolovehershecouldhavebeenyoursoulmatebutiguessyou’llneverknow

andsothelonelinesswillgrowfromtheemptinessyoufeelthosenightswillbethetoughestthosemornings,eventougherit’llhurt,youshouldhavelovedherthepainyoufeelwillbethesameheartacheyouputherthroughandnowyouknowyou’llfinallyunderstandhowmuchithurtstowant

someonewhodoesn’twantyou

youweretheemptinessifeltyouweredarknessconsumingme

youwerethethingkeepingmefromhappiness

iwastheoceanyouwantedriversiwasthemoon

youchasedthestars

ineededtofindmyselfbutyouwerekeepingme

fromme

theyearsispentlosingmyself

whiletryingtokeepyou

1:11inthemorningmyheartissearching

forafeelingthatdoesn’thurt

mymindjustwantstothinkofsomethingthat’llmakemesmile

myheartbreakswithyoursmysoul,justasrestless

asyourown

ifallbesideyouiunderstandyoursilenceandyouarenotalone

youdeservesomuchmorethanwhatyou’vebeengiven

youoweittoyourselftogiveyourselfthelove

thatyou’vemisplacedinothers

youaremorethanjustabodycountyouaremorethanjustaconquestyouaremorethanjustaname

onthelistofheartstheytookadvantageof

andevenafterithappensyouwillalwaysbemore

thantheydeserved

wefindtimetowasterememberingthefaceswestruggletoerasewegiveenergytothosewhogivenothinginreturnwelearnthehardwaybutinsteadof

lettinggowestay

welove

wefallinlovewithrelationshipsfilledwithhatewebecomecontentwithgivingourselvestothewrongmatecrashingintowallsworseningourwoundsdeepeningthebruises

theendlesscycleofrecyclingrelationshipsthatnolongerdeserve

ourattention

beingattentivetolovers

whopretendtocare

constantlyshowingupforothers

whoareneverthere

youarechainedtothepast

it’stimetofreeyourself

it’salmostasifhersoulisapackofwolvesshe’sbrave,she’sstrong

she’sunstoppable

youcanmisspeoplebutyoudon’thavetowantthemback

youcanforgivepeoplebutyoudon’thaveto

givethemsecondchances

121914

shemadeoceanswithhertears

sheusedtheheartacheasmotivationtobuild

theboatinhopesofsailing

farawayfromeverythingandeveryonewhohurther

themooniswatchingyouithearsyoursighs

itwitnessesyourstrugglestocloseyoureyes

sheworelonelinessinasmile

shehidthesadnesswithlaughter

thecloudsdancearoundeachotherlikeloversavoidingthetruth

allofherstarsareburning

cryemptyyourselfofallthepainhecausedyou

iwaskillingmetogiveuslifeiwasdrowningtosavetheperson

whokeptpushingmyheadunderwater

yourabsencetaughtmehowtobemyownlover

youwillbereadywhenitistimeforyourhearttofightbackagainsttheonewhohurtyou

girlslikeyouhaverosesinsideofthem

thatarestrongenoughtobloomthroughblizzards

youbeganasrootsbutyoublossomintomore

youarenotyourpastbehere,bepresent

bemore

relationshipsendbutyourstorymustn’tfinish

somedayyoursoulwillnolongerlingerinplaceswherepainexist

iwon’tjudgeyouorcriticizeyoufordoingwhatyou’vedone

ionlywishyousawwhatiseewhenilookatyouionlywishyouwishedformorethanwhatyou’vesettledfor

youarenotaphaseyouarenotsometrendyouaremorethanjustsomethingtodoforthemomentmorethanahobbymorethanyoumayevenknow

youaremoreandyoudeservemorethanwhatthey’rewillingtogiveyou

you,readingthisyoureyesdancing

onthispageyou,theonewhoknowshowitfeelstohavetheirheartracingoutoftheirchestoverrunwithanxietydesperateforreliefitisyouwhowantstobelovedunderstoodforeverythingthatyouareitisyou,theonereadingthistheonewhoisclosetotearssoclosetobreakingitisyouwhowillsaveyourselfbecausethisiswhatyou’vealwaysdonebecauseyouarestrongenoughtodoso

therearesomanywarsgoingonatnightsomanyheartsarefightingtosurvivewithoutlight

thedarknesscontainseverythingweshouldforgettheregretsaremagnifiedthenightisplaguedwithwhatifs

dancingtothesilenceofthenightweswaylikeabedofrosesinthewind

heonlylovedyouinthedark

insecretbehindclosedbedroomdoorshewasyours

untilhecameandthenheleftwheneverhewasdonedrainingyouofeverythingheneverdeservedaren’tyoutiredofalovethatfeelslessthaneverythingyouclaimedyouwantedhasyoursoulgrownwearyofbeingwithsomeonewhoonlywantsyouforanutsomeonewhocumsbutneverstaysyourheartdeservesbetter

iwasstandingherethewholetime

myheartinmyhandpreparedforcommitmentandeagertolovebutyoudidn’tseemeuntilafteritfailedwiththeothersandidecidednottobeyoursecondchoiceyourlastditcheffortatloveirefusedtobetheoneyouchoseaftertheonesyouoverlookedmeforrefusedtochooseyouiwasstandingherethewholetimebutyoudecidednottoseeme

maybethebadboysaren’tgoodenoughforyou

itwasrainingintheparkthatdayshewassittingonabenchmidmay,wearingtheeyesofsadnessandforthelifeofmeicouldn’ttellifshewascryingbecausehertearswouldhaveblendedinwiththerainhersoulasdarkastheafternoonskyandisaidnothingbutwonderedwhythegirlsittingalonehandclutchingherphoneatalossforwordswithsomuchpaininherheart

thoughtitwasroyalbutalliseeisfakekingsclaimingathronetheydon’tdeservetositonreachingforacrowntheydon’tdeservetowear

hecallsbutmostlywhenheneedssomethinghaven’tyounoticedpretendingtogiveadamnaboutyourdayjusttogethiswaythemanipulationhurtsbutyou’llsitthereandmakeexcusesforhimseeingwhatyouwanthearingonethingandthinkinganotherwhateverhelpswiththedelusionalbecausethetruthissomuchhardertoaccept

foolishofmetobelievethatadysfunctionalfamilycouldfunctioninawaythatmademefeelloved

justlikeanyandeverythingelsethingsareneverwhattheyseempeoplechangeormaybetheysimplyrevertbacktoeverythingthey’resupposedtobe

youmeantotellmethatyou’resoafraidofbeingalonethatyou’vedecidedtoholdontotheonepersonwhomakesyoufeellonelyevenwhilesittingbesidethemyoukeepsayingyouwantrealloveandyetyou’vechosentoentertainthesamepersonwhowillneverloveyoutheheartwantswhatitwantsandit’stoobadthattheheart

yourheartdoesn’twanttheonewhodeservesyoui’dtellyoutoletgobutyou’lljustsayit’seasiersaidthandone

typicalpredictableclaimingtobeinlovewithsomeonewhohasdonenothingtomakeyoufeellovedsomeonewhohasdonenothingbutmakeyouhateyourselfandsometimesyouhatethemjustthesame

iwishyourdesire

tobehappy

somehowoutweighedyourtolerancefortheheartachethey’vecausedyou

arewestillpretendingthatitdoesn’thurtholdingontobrokenrelationshipsinhopesthatsomedaythey’llworkarewestillholdingonusingthelastbitofstrengthwehaveonloverswhoonlywishtouseusupthentossusoutlikeapieceofnotebookfilledwitherrorsarewestilllisteningtoliesbelievinginliarswhosaywhatevertheyneedtosayjusttogetanotheropportunitytohurtusarewehurtingyetsayingnothingit’spainfulbutwe’vekeptquietinhopesthatthingswillchangearewe...areyou...ami...

yourfatherthefirstmanyouknewthefirstmanyou’dloveonehalfofthereasonwhyyougrewupsohard

soyoungandyetyourheartbegantoachebreakingintoamillionpiecesasyoualonewouldlearntopickyourselfup

yourfatherthefirstmantodisappointyouthefirstmantoletyoudownthefirstmantocauseyoutoloweryourexpectationshelovedyou,yesbutiguessnotenoughtoprotectyouwhileyoulovedhimenoughtolookpasthisfailuresyou’dgoontoaccepthishalfasseffortstoloveyouyou’dgoontoacceptmenandtheirhalfasseffortstoloveyou

yourfatheronlypresentjustenoughforyoutofeellikeyoumatteredyourlovers

onlypresentenoughtofoolyouintothinkingtheycarediusedtowondertomyselfhowcouldyoueverloveamanwhobarelymadeaneffortbuttheniwitnessedyourfatherashebarelytried

andwithtearsinyoureyesyousaidyoulovedhimyourfathertaughtyouhowtolovemen

whoremindedyouofhim

thebrokengirlsaretheflowersoftheearththeygrowthroughtoughconditionstheybloomforthemselves

amanchildwillloveyouquietlybutarealmanwillbeloudinhisappreciationofyourheart

ihopeyourflowersbloomthroughtherain

youdon’tevenseehowoftenthestarsperformforyouinthemiddleofeverynight

theheartachewillteachyouthenpeacewillfillyou

brokengirlsblossomintowarriors

beneathajackettwosizeslargerthanyourbodyyourarmsfoldedasiftokeepyoursecret

youhidyourselffromtheworldbecausetheworldbetrayedyou

therobbingofyourinnocenceaninappropriatetouch

behindthosewallsbehindthebarriersthatkeeptheworldfromyourheartisawomanworthfightingfor

behindthosewallsthattall,strongseparationfromtheworldlivesaloveworthwishingfor

youaregreaterthanwhathashappenedyouarefarmoregreaterthanthewhatoccurredinyourpast

behindthosewallsbehindsthatcementthathaskeptothersfromhurtingyouliketheonesfrombeforelivesalove

thatonlyyoucanprovidealovelikeyoursisworthclimbingthewallthatsitsinfrontofyourheart

whatweloveshouldinspireuswhoweloveshouldinspireourstrengthbutyouhavefallenforhands

notworthyofyourskinyouhavefallenforamindthatwillneverunderstandyourvalue

youhavefallenforaheartincapableoflovingyouthewayyouneedwhatwelove

whatyouloveshouldfeellikeparadiseduringthestormthepersonyouloveshouldfeellikestillnessduringanearthquakebutyou’vefallenforsomeone

whowillneverbeabletobebraveenoughtofallforyou

thenightwillfadeawayandsowillthedarknessthemoonwillfloatintotheabyssandthesunwillannounceitselfwitharayoflightandhopeandwarmth

andbeautythemorningwillcomethedaywillbeginandthecornersofmyroomthedarkcornersofmyroomwillbefilledwitha

lightthatwillkilloff

allthethingsandallthepainthathauntsmeduringtherisingofthemoonthesunwillsitin

theskyanditwillshineprovidingit’slightgivingmeenoughtimeandapeaceofmind

toevadeyou

becauseyouliveinthemidnightswhereifeelhopelessfilledwithdespairyouliveinthenightthedarkness,therestlessnesstheairofuncertainty

youliveinthemomentswheremyeyescannotcloseyousurviveinshattereddreamsandthebruisingofmysoulbutjustlikethenightyoufadebehindthe

horizonandjustlikethesunirise,possiblybrighterandstrongerthanbeforethemorningwillcome

thedaywillbeginandyouwillbeforgottenoncemore

missmelikearcherswithbadaimlosemelikehandsonaropeincapableofholdingonregretleavingmelikethesundoes

theskymyabsencelikeaslowdeaththatyou’llstruggletosurvivelookforme

likeeyesstrugglingthroughdarknessreachformelikelungsstrugglingforairsearchformelikethemeaningofwordssearchformewhereyouleftmeandi

willnolongerbethere

tellingherthatshe’sbeautifulwhiledestroyingherconfidenceisabuse

tellingheryouloveherwhileactingasifyouhateher

isabuse

fillingherupwithfalsehopewithnointentionofchanging

ordoingbetterisabuse

untilnexttime,talktoyousoon…(callends…)

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