leave cleave serv e god’ s...enables couples to experience deep joy. … multiplies a godly...

Leave

cleaveServ

e

God’s

...enables COuPLES to experience

deep joy.

…multiplies a Godly legacy.

design

…makes us more like Christ.

…reflects Jesus’ love for mankind.

for marriage…

What are some of the major threats to a oneness marriage?

oneness:

Main Threats to

1. An unawareness of God’s design for marriage

2. Unfulfilled expectations3. An unintentional marriage.

4. Extramarital affairs.

5. Poor communication6. An unhealthy handling of conflict 7. Inevitable difficulties

5. Poor Communication

A main threat to Oneness:

Communication

is the process of sharingYourself verbally and nonverbally with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what you say.

1. There is a lot of room for error.

difficult

Why Communication is so

First, you have something you want to get across to the other person—what you mean. Perhaps you’ve thought about it, or you just formulate it as you open your mouth. But it may not come out the way you intended. So the second message is what you actually say. Now, let’s turn to your spouse. The third message is what your spouse actually hears while filtering and processing the information, which leads to the fourth message—what your spouse thinks he or she hears!

1. There is a lot of room for error.

difficult

Why Communication is so

Uh-oh, now the possibility of misunderstanding increases. If the communication stopped here, it wouldn’t be so complicated. But the fifth message is what your spouse says about what you said. Now it’s back in your lap, because the sixth message is what you think your spouse said about what you said.

2. People communicate in different ways.

difficult

Why Communication is so

“Land the Plane“ Communicators:

Want to Find the shortest path to the goal.

2. People communicate in different ways.

difficult

Why Communication is so

“Enjoy the ride“

Communicators:

Think you might as well relax and enjoy the rideThe trip is what it is all

about

2. People communicate in different ways.

difficult

Why Communication is so

Think out loudcommunicators

ask questions and make comments as soon as the thought occurs – even if the other person

happens to be talking at the time.

2. People communicate in different ways.

difficult

Why Communication is so

Let’s take turnscommunicators

Use principles of justice and fair play

to govern communication.

3. We are not intentional about having

difficult

Why Communication is so

intimate conversations with our spouse.

If we are going to experience oneness

in the marriage relationship, we have to be intentional about

carving out regular time in our schedule that allows us to

communicate with our spouse on

levels four and five.

4. Our communication skills stink.

difficult

Why Communication is so

We are poor listeners and we often do a lackluster job in expressing ourselves.

How can we become

better communicators so that we can experience a greater degree of oneness in our marriage relationship?

By listening and expressing ourselves well.

Listening wellPsalm 116:1-6 (MSG)

I love God because he listened to me, listened

as I begged for mercy. He listened so intently as I laid out my case before

him. Death stared me in the face, hell was hard on my heels. Up against it, I didn’t know which way to

turn; then I called out to God for help:

Listening wellPsalm 116:1-6 (MSG)

“Please, God!” I cried out. “Save my life!” God is gracious—it is he who

makes things right, our most compassionate God. God takes the side of the helpless; when I was at the end of my rope, he

saved me.

Listening well

Proverbs 18:13 (MSG)

Answering before

listening is both stupid and rude.

Listening well

Proverbs 21:11 (MSG)

Simpletons only learn the hard way, but the

wise learn by listening.

Listening well

James 1:19 (NLT)

Understand this, my dear brothers and

sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry

Listening wellSome people believe that

successful communication consists of 7% content,

38% tone of voice, And 55% nonverbal communication.

1. Give focused attention.

Listening well2. Listen with acceptance and

understandingA hearer merely hears

A listener learns

Listening well3. Ask clarifying questions &

make summarizing statements.Are you telling me that

___________? Can you tell me more about what

you meant when you said_______?

Correct me if I am wrong, but here is what

I hear you saying??

Listening well4. Focus on what is being said,

not the way it is being said.If we decide to focus on the message behind the message,

we have a chance to move towards oneness,

but if we decide to trade blow for blow,

the end results will be more and more

isolation in our marriage relationship.

Listening well5. Allow freedom for

differences in communication styles.

are not wrong just different.

Communication styles

Expressing Yourself well5. Allow freedom for

differences in communication stylesProverbs 29:20

(NKJV)Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for

him.

Expressing Yourself well1. Think before you Speak.

Determine exactly what you want to say and when the best time is say it.

Is what you want to say true, kind and necessary?

Expressing Yourself well1. Think before you Speak.

Proverbs 10:19 (NKJV)In the multitude of

words sin is not lacking, but he who

restrains his lips is wise.

Expressing Yourself well2. Ask to make sure you are

being understood.Good expressers

ask the listener to make summarizing statements to

ensure they are being properly understood.

Expressing Yourself well3. Allow for freedom in

differences in communication style

Marriage, we honor our spouse by adjusting to their communication style.

When we express our self in