managing_conflicts(aka difficult conversations)_v2

Managing Difficult Conversationsfor GGC

By Orly Amrany

Today I Will Speak About…

My background

My personal Journey

What conversations are hard for us?

Conflicts & Dilemmas

Personal notes

A Bit About Myself

SchulichSchool of Business, Toronto, CA, Marketing Major

TAURecanati MBA

Technion, BScComputer Science engineering

IDF MamramExtended Programming course

R&D CenterSW Developer

Head of Products and Product Marketing

SDK Partner Manager,QM Manager,Product Manager,Technology Platform

General Manager

Sr. SW Developer & Project Lead

VP Product

My Personal Journey

I was raised to appreciate excellency & hard skills

The year is 2007:

Things are not progressing as I wished

What am I missing here ???

Soft Skills

How to form alliances with people How to take ownership How to take responsibility: “fix more, complain less” Be positive even when things not going exactly as you wanted Create positive atmosphere around you How to make visibility to what you do & to your achievements How to manage difficult conversations & Conflicts Maturity

Which conversation are hard for us?

Disagreement with colleagues

Matrix Management, make people work for you without authority

Give your employee feedback when his/her work in not good

enough / layoff

Get feedback from your boss

Ask something from your boss (raise, more ppl, promotion..)

All Have conflicts or potential conflicts

Conflicts & Dilemmas

Basic tips to manage a conflict with a colleague : http://leanin.org/education/managing-difficult-conversations/

Listen well (even if it’s hard & you don’t agree, do not interrupt)

Inquiry/ ask questions

(what do you say? Why ? What do you want to achieve?)

Validate your understanding / summarize the counterparty

Express your view (use first person, “I don’t understand”)

Engage in negotiations

Formalize the agreement (Agree Vs Promise)

What is a ‘Good’ Conversation? When at the end of it you relate to these: I, WE , IT

I feel good about myself

The counterparty feels good

We related positively to each other

I got what I wanted

The counter party got what he wanted

Basic tips to hand conflicts of responsibility & control:

It is a process: You need to plant the ideas first, hoping they will grow over

time

Make a “lobby”, talk to people before

Come prepared (plans, research)

Show to key people, the benefits for the company

Suggest few things (hopefully some will be accepted)

Come with confidence

Try to make it sound less about ‘me’

Do not talk about others / compare to others

Dilemma #1

How to say ‘I want’:

What % of this challenge is because of my character and what %

is due to the fact I am a woman in a male environment?

Is a woman saying “I want” sounds different than a man saying

the same (“Assertive vs. aggressive?”)

Dilemma #2 Managing emotions:

Does male environment “speak” different language?

(“to the point”, “roughness”, “hide difficulties and needs”, “take place naturally w/o

effort)

Is asking to be included sounds (to the other side)

like “over-controlling”, “territorial”, “pushy”, “freak control”, “aggressive” ?

Is a male managerial environment make the challenge harder for women?

Should we control/repress our emotional communications or adopt to the male

environment?

Should we let our “feminine” emotional language be present and work on our personal

vulnerability?

What Do You Think?

Managing Emotions:The hardest part? (especially for woman? )

Personal Notes

Find your key strength (examples: work hard, attention to details,

organized work)

The bad news: It is all fair in war..(no such thing as “not fair”)

The good news: Most people are good, and usually it is not personal

against you

Try to avoid sarcasm , accusations

Personally, sometime I use my advantage: emotions are also creating

empathy, they are authentic.

It is a day-2-day struggle / way of life Authentic but not accusing Pusher but not overbearing “Want” but not “crying” Fit-in the codes without letting go of your way

Progress at work without letting go of your values and ambitions and strength

Marissa Mayer

Short Video - MadMenhttps://youtu.be/b28GqQfm49U

“You never say thank you!” “that’s what the money is for!”

“you do your job so well, and they appreciate you, you don’t have to play any game…”

“you presented like a man, now act like one..” “I want 5 $ a week more”

“see that’s why I don’t like working with women, you have no sense of humor…“

“You're fired!”

“I just saved this company, but it’s not as important as getting married!”

“I don’t know if all women are Jackie or Marilyn, maybe men see them that way..”

Questions?

Thank You!

orlyam@gmail.com

Orly Amrany