manuel arturo abreu - monday, june 24, 2013

7/28/2019 manuel arturo abreu - Monday, June 24, 2013

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7/28/2019 manuel arturo abreu - Monday, June 24, 2013

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1.

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I try to think

about howoften I think

about howI treat people.

7/28/2019 manuel arturo abreu - Monday, June 24, 2013

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It seems 'utterly

unimaginable'that other

people in theworld think of

me.

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Do other

people alsohave to kind of

will themselvesto think about

others?

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Right nowI don't feel

capable of'remembering,'

'imagining,' orknowing the

difference.

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It seems

strange, callingall of these

diverse mentalphenomena

“memories,”

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like thinking

the differentspecies of a

genus are allthe same

species.

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My love forclunky

expressions,repressed

for years, isresurfacing a

little.

7/28/2019 manuel arturo abreu - Monday, June 24, 2013

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I mean, try to

imagine yourtears floating

in the spacebefore crying.

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Or imagine

being old andtelling someone

you've “run outof good days,

none left.”

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Those bothseem really

awkward.

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I feel

compelled byan empty,

formless gleewhen I'm online

sometimes.

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7/28/2019 manuel arturo abreu - Monday, June 24, 2013

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that says “is

there anevolutionary

advantage toforgiveness?”

7/28/2019 manuel arturo abreu - Monday, June 24, 2013

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I think of

how much timewe spent

in one or theother of two

rooms.

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In the future

when June isover I'll be

able to call thenext page a

poem:

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All June

it rained.

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For now, since

June is notover, and since

poems can onlyever be true,

7/28/2019 manuel arturo abreu - Monday, June 24, 2013

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it remains what

it always is:four words

and alinebreak.

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Rememberinga field with

scattered balesof plastic-

wrapped hay.Like

marshmallows.

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2.

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My Nepalifriend told me

a story abouta kid whose

parents won'ttell him he's

dying.

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Everyone else

in the villageknew the kid

was going todie, except my

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friend, who

found out onlywhen he saw

him burning ona pyre.

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This is the first

conversationabout death

that hascomforted me

7/28/2019 manuel arturo abreu - Monday, June 24, 2013

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since a goodfriend I went to

middle andhigh school with

killed himselfon May 18,

2013.

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I didn't get to

see him beginbecoming the

person hewould end up

being.

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I feelabsolutely

stupid andempty, like a

college campusduring the

summer,

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knowing it tookme losing a

good friend tobe able to say

“I for surewant to be

alive.”

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I'm imagining a

panel ofdictators

talkingamongst

themselves

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about what

advice theyshould give me.

Trujillo stepsforward and,

somewhat

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coyly, says in

Spanish:“Never let

anyone knowhow much you

are suffering.”

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My 15-y.o.

brother gaveme $50 when I

was in NYC.It felt bleak.

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On 6/10/13I tweeted this:

“It is June. I am

tired of beingbrave.”

Anne Sexton

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The other

person in thiscomputer lab is

using twocomputers

at a time.

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Now try to

imagine thepain the body

feels in being'absent' for

surgery.

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That's how I

feel: you hurtme, but mostly

you're back tobeing a

stranger.

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thanksfor

reading.

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