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Robin

How(wow) to get the words right in your reportsRobin HarriesQuietroom

28 June 2018

MoneyEnergyHealthSociety

Clear Vivid Real

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The way we talk to people shapes the way they react to us

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That chair looks a bit worn – is it second-hand?

That chair’s got so much character – is it vintage?

Friendly Rude

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The way we talk to people tells them what we’re like

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Put the mushrooms in a bowl and add the chopped herbs, a pinch of salt and the lemon juice. Using your hands, get stuck in and toss everything

together – this is going to be incredible!

Take your risotto and add a little more seasoning if you like. Serve a good dollop of risotto topped with some grilled mushrooms, a sprinkling

of freshly grated Parmesan and a drizzle of extra virgin olive oil.

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First of all, you need to soak the dried porcini mushrooms and to do this, you place them in a jug or a bowl and pour 570 ml of boiling water over them. Meanwhile, chop the fresh mushrooms into 1 cm chunks –

not too small, as they shrink down quite a bit in the cooking.

When the mushrooms have soaked for half and hour, place a sieve over a bowl, line the sieve with a sheet of kitchen paper and strain the

mushrooms, reserving the liquid.

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The way we talk to people helps us stand out from the competition

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Hey long legs, fancy some extra leg-room on your

flight? We have two great value options for you to

kick back with those extra inches.

Our best-value fares include online check-in, a

generous baggage allowance, allocated seats, complimentary

drinks snacks or meals.

Forgettable Memorable

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What’s all this got to do with us?

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“[This research suggests] a Great Divide…between insiders and outsiders, between producers and consumers, between the vocal

minority who sell financial services and the silent majority who buy.”

“Words matter – indeed they may never have mattered more.”

Andrew HaldaneChief Economist, Bank of England

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“[We need to] make them more accessible for consumers and reduce the time firms spend preparing them. This includes, for example,

layering information so the most important material is included towards the start of the report and simplifying the language used.”

ü Easy to write

ü Easy to read

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Words are an opportunity

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1. Talk like a real person

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2. Cut to the chase

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3. Guide your reader

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1. Talk like a real personAssume intelligence, not knowledge

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An annuity is a contract between you and an insurance company in which you make a lump sum payment or series of payments and in

return obtain regular disbursements beginning either immediately or at some point in the future.

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I can't signify the naming as such. You'd have to explain that as to the differential on both of the questions you've asked.

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1. Talk like a real personAssume intelligence, not knowledgeChoose words that resonate

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Seaside

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Coastal region

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AfterBefore

Sally will also have a guaranteed index linked income for the rest of her life

should you predecease her.

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AfterBefore

Sally will also have a guaranteed index linked income for the rest of her life

should you die before her.

Sally will also have a guaranteed index linked income for the rest of her life

should you predecease her.

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AfterBefore

But, if you no longer want my review service, you can cancel at any time. You can do this by getting in touch with the

provider, and letting them know you want to stop your payment.

If however you no longer wish to receive my review service you are at liberty to cancel this charge at any time and can do so by contacting the provider directly

and confirming your wish for this payment to cease.

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Wait – but isn’t this dumbing down?

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Meet Professor Daniel Oppenheimer

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Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilized Irrespective of Necessity

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Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilized Irrespective of Necessity

Problems with using long words needlessly

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Lowest Highest

Using long words needlessly Long words Short words

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Meet Professor Christopher R. Trudeau

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There was a statistically significant correlation between educational level and the likelihood that a respondent would choose the plain-language version. That is, as education increased, so did the

preference for plain language.

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There was a statistically significant correlation between educational level and the likelihood that a respondent would choose the plain-language version. That is, as education increased, so did the

preference for plain language.

These results debunk the argument that higher-educated people will not mind traditional legal language as much as others do. Rather, even

though people with advanced degrees might understand traditional legal style, that’s not what they prefer.

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1. Talk like a real personAssume intelligence, not knowledgeChoose words that resonateUse strong verbs not abstract nouns

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Democracy

Heroism

Design

Imagination

LoveHealth

Peace

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Facilitation

Engagement

Management

Documentation

CommunicationCollaboration

Strategy

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Recuperation

Requirement

Identification

Expiration

ReductionRecommendation

Confirmation

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Preparation for retirement

Preparing for retirement

Preparing to retire

Getting ready to stop work

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AfterBefore

If you need me to clarify anything, please get in touch.

If you need me to clear anything up, please get in touch.

If you require any further clarification, please contact me immediately.

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1. Talk like a real personAssume intelligence, not knowledgeChoose words that resonateUse strong verbs not abstract nounsPut people in

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AfterBefore

We require the following original documents from you.

We’ll need you to send us the following original documents.

The following original documents are required.

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Using the active voice

The cat sat on the mat.

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Using the active voice

The cat

WHO

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Using the active voice

The cat

WHO

sat on

DID SOMETHING

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Using the active voice

The cat

WHO

sat on

DID SOMETHING

the mat

TO WHAT

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Using the active voice

The mat was sat on by the cat.

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Using the passive voice

The mat

WHAT

was sat on

HAD SOMETHING DONE TO IT

by the cat

BY WHOM

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Using the passive voice

The mat

WHAT

was sat on

HAD SOMETHING DONE TO IT

by the cat

BY WHOM

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Using the passive voice

The mat was sat on.

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Meet Professor Richard Wiseman

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The language of liars

• Liars remove themselves from the story by avoiding pronouns like I, mine and myself

• Liars use longer and more convoluted sentence structure by padding things out with unnecessary, complicated words

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Meet Colin

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"Following the recent reports surrounding Stockport Council's lollipop man, Colin Spencer, we want to apologise for the unnecessary concern

caused by the issuing of an instruction that was clearly wrong.

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"Following the recent reports surrounding Stockport Council's lollipop man, Colin Spencer, we want to apologise for the unnecessary concern

caused by the issuing of an instruction that was clearly wrong.

“We try and make the service as safe as possible as well as maintaining the unique personalities that each member of the team

brings to their school. We are sorry, that on this occasion, the council got it wrong.”

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The language of liars

• Liars remove themselves from the story by avoiding pronouns like I, mine and myself

• Liars use longer and more convoluted sentence structure by padding things out with unnecessary, complicated words

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AfterBefore

Whilst we’ve made every effort to ensure accuracy, we can’t accept liability for any errors or omissions.

We’ve done as much as we can to make sure the information is accurate. If we’ve made any mistakes or

left anything out, we’re not liable.

We’ve done as much as we can to make sure the information is accurate. If you notice a mistake, please

let us know. Otherwise, we’re not liable for any mistakes you notice later down the line.

Whilst every effort has been made to ensure accuracy, no liability can be accepted for any errors or

omissions.

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2. Cut to the chaseUse short sentences

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Meet Philip Roth

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The tannery that stank of both the slaughterhouse and the chemical plant from the soaking of flesh and the cooking of flesh and the dehairing and pickling and degreasing of hides, where round the clock in the summertime the blowers drying the thousands and thousands of hanging skins raised the temperature in the low-ceilinged dry room to a hundred and twenty degrees, where the vast vat rooms were dark as caves and flooded with swill, where brutish workingmen, heavily aproned, armed with hooks and staves, dragging and pushing overloaded wagons, wringing and hanging waterlogged skins, were driven like animals through the laborious storm that was a twelve-hour shift—a filthy, stinking place awash with water dyed red and black and blue and green, with hunks of skin all over the floor, everywhere pits of grease, hills of salt, barrels of solvent—this was Lou Levov's high school and college.

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AfterBefore

This would be the most tax-efficient way of drawing this income and it would also be the most sensible

way as you would not be drawing down on crystallisedfunds that are deemed income producing therefore

you would not affect your annual allowance and would be able to make pension contributions in the future up

to the maximum annual allowance of £40,000 as opposed to triggering the Money Purchase annual

allowance restriction of £10,000.

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AfterBefore

This would be the most tax-efficient way of drawing this income and it would also be the most sensible

way as you would not be drawing down on crystallisedfunds that are deemed income producing therefore

you would not affect your annual allowance and would be able to make pension contributions in the future up

to the maximum annual allowance of £40,000 as opposed to triggering the Money Purchase annual

allowance restriction of £10,000.

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AfterBefore

This would be the most tax-efficient way of drawing this income. It would also be the most sensible way. That’s because you would not be drawing down on

crystallised funds that are deemed income producing, so you would not affect your annual allowance. This

means you would be able to make pension contributions in the future up to the maximum annual allowance of £40,000, as opposed to triggering the

Money Purchase annual allowance restriction of £10,000.

This would be the most tax-efficient way of drawing this income and it would also be the most sensible

way as you would not be drawing down on crystallisedfunds that are deemed income producing therefore

you would not affect your annual allowance and would be able to make pension contributions in the future up

to the maximum annual allowance of £40,000 as opposed to triggering the Money Purchase annual

allowance restriction of £10,000.

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AfterBefore

This would be the most tax-efficient way of drawing this income. It would also be the most sensible way. That’s because you would not be drawing down on

crystallised funds that are deemed income producing, so you would not affect your annual allowance. This

means you would be able to make pension contributions in the future up to the maximum annual allowance of £40,000, as opposed to triggering the

Money Purchase annual allowance restriction of £10,000.

This would be the most tax-efficient way of drawing this income and it would also be the most sensible

way as you would not be drawing down on crystallisedfunds that are deemed income producing therefore

you would not affect your annual allowance and would be able to make pension contributions in the future up

to the maximum annual allowance of £40,000 as opposed to triggering the Money Purchase annual

allowance restriction of £10,000.

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2. Cut to the chaseUse short sentencesPut the important stuff up front

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2. Cut to the chaseUse short sentencesPut the important stuff up frontCut anything you don’t need

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AfterBefore

I have undertaken an analysis of your needs and requirements.

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AfterBefore

I have analysed your needs.I have undertaken an analysis of your needs and requirements.

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3. Guide your readerUse headings that mean something

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3. Guide your readerUse headings that mean somethingUse bullets consistently

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Use bullet points carefully

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Use bullet points carefully

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3. Guide your readerUse headings that mean somethingUse bullets consistently Break your contents into sections

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Let’s put it all together

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A summary of what we recommendWhat we recommend and why it’s suitable for you

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Risks to your investments• The government might change the rules about how they tax investments.• If your investments don’t grow by more than the amount we charge in

fees, the fees will eat into your capital.• If you take out more money than the amount your investments grow, what

you take out will eat into your capital.

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Here’s what we talked about today

Talk like a human• Assume intelligence, not knowledge• Use words that resonate• Use strong verbs instead of abstract nouns• Put people in

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Here’s what we talked about today

Talk like a humanCut to the chase• Use short sentences• Put the important stuff first• Cut

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Here’s what we talked about today

Talk like a humanCut to the chaseGuide your reader• Use headings that mean something• Use bullets consistently• Break your contents into sections

hello@quietroom.co.uk

020 7970 6011

40 Bowling Green LaneLondon EC1R 0NE

www.quietroom.co.uk

Thanks