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Couples, the Internet and Social Media
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Objectives
• How digital technology matters in the lives of Australian couples
• The impact of the internet, mobile phones and social media on couple relationships
• Important or emerging issue for many couples and as a Marriage and Relationship Educator
CatholicCare Marriage and Relationship Educators:• Build a sense of connectedness with their
co educators and facilitators.• Learn new skills and knowledge to inform
their work.• Gain a deeper understanding of the role,
influence and implications of social media in committed couple relationships.
• Share skills, knowledge and processes when presenting different sessions.
• Enjoy the day and have fun!
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Text, Twitter or Tweet
#MREPDDay#CatholicCareMRE
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MAREAAUSTRALIA
Twitter: https://twitter.com/PrepareEnrichAU
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=9848730
Txt/SMS: 0414993347
Slide pack: http://www.slideshare.net/shanemichaelsmith/
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Key messages:
What can I do differently today to make a difference for tomorrow?
• As a professional?
• Personally in my relationships?
• As an advocate for change?
Marriage and Relationship
EducatorAs a Partner
With individuals
and couples
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Agenda:
• The internet, mobile phones and social media
• A tool for couple communication
• A tool for learning
• Being distracted by the wired world
• Turing toward each other
• Solving your solvable Problems
• Ethics and Social Media
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Questions
1. Internet/broadband connection?
2. Mobile phone?
3. Is your mobile a smartphone (connected to the internet)
4. Facebook? Twitter?
5. Blogging?
6. Facetime, Skype, Hangouts?
7. Dual screening?
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
The Internet and Mobile Communication
As at December 2014 *• ~21.2M internet subscribers (90%) [26th, 3.2Bn worldwide]• 79% household, 21% business/Government• >99% are broadband connections
48% are mobile and fix wireless
40% are DSL
10% are cable, fibre or satellite
1.3% Dialup (from 47% in 2006)• Download speed 8 - 24Mbps (up 24% from 2013)
[nbn = 12 - 100mbps]
• 21M mobile handsets (Pop 23m); Data download 53MTB (x2)
• http://www.internetlivestats.com/
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Tech use 2000 v 2015
Tech use 2000 Tech use 2015Almost everyone had landlines, 28% response rate
41% of households are wireless-only9% Response Rate
Less than half the country were online, not much social media, no smartphones
Access is increasingly on-the-go. People engage with a host of devices, platforms, and news sources, all throughout the day
Vast majority of online access took place in a stationary environment
Things like “going online”, “getting news”, or “talking politics” are continuous activities
“Going online” was typically a discrete activity oriented around a specific task
Hard for ordinary users to recall and discuss specific actions they might have taken
Pretty easy to ask people about their device usage and online behaviours
Untangling the “impact” of any single device, article, event, tweet, etc. is really hard
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
What is Social Media?
Social Media refers to the use of web-based and mobile technologies to turn communication into an interactive dialogue
Websites, Blogs, Forums, Social Media Sites, Mobile Applications
https://player.vimeo.com/video/80387678
What sort of Content do we post to Social Media Sites?
Generally Text, Pictures, Video about:
- What we are doing?- Where we are?- What subjects are topical?- What we are working on next?
Compelling content:
- Text – easy- Picture – medium- Video - hard
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
www.prepare-enrich.com.au © 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Social Media Facts ^ http://www.internetlivestats.com/
Worldwide internet users 2012 >3.1 billion; Facebook > 1.4bn
Australian internet users 90% (21.2M); 62% on social sites; Facebook 14M
Australian average >2.1hrs/day on social sites; 53% women and 47% men
78% say it helps maintain relationships with friends & family
95% are worried about online privacy;
87% to the time their partner is online
In the US, Facebook is cited in 1 in 5 divorces
In the UK: 1 in 8 partners claim they use their phone more than talking to them^ Source: Oxygen Media and Lightspeed Research; Sensis Social Media Report May 2011; 7th Relationships Indicators Survey, Relationships Australia 2011
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Social Media sitesAs at December 2015 #
1. Facebook – 14M users (steady)
2. YouTube – 13.7M unique visitors
3. WordPress.com – 5.9M
4. Instagram – 5M
5. Tumblr – 4.6M
6. LinkedIn – 3.5M
7. Blogspot – 2.8M
8. Twitter – 2.8M
9. WhatsApp – 2.5M
10.TripAdvisor – 2M
# SocialMediaNews.com.au, May 2015
Facebook – Looks like the internet user population, just younger Twitter – Young, ethnically diverse, mobile-centric Instagram – See Twitter Pinterest – Lots of women LinkedIn – Middle-aged professionals
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
What site for what content?
Discover what MAREAA has to
offer
Marriage and
Relationship tips and
info.
Blog information, events and distribute
across various channels
Marriage and Relationship
visual discovery, collection, sharing.
Video, Online PresentationsPromotion via
Webinars/Webcasts,
Promote MAREAA to the
business communitywww.prepare-enrich.com.au
© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Device UseHandout: https://youtube.com/watch?v=IFJU6g-CVvQ
1. Which electronic device do you use?
2. Which Internet-enabled mobile devices do you use?
3. How many devices do you own?
4. What activities?
5. When and where do you find yourself using your mobile device?
6. How many hours a week do you spend on your devices?
7. Do you implement strategies to manage device usage?
8. How do you feel about your partners use?
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Global comparison
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Global comparison
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Global comparison
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Australia Social Media
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Case study: Facebook
Over 14 million members ~60.5% of the population
Male/Female: 47%/53%
Average Facebook user in Australia is spending >8 hours per month on the site.
68% - Connect with friends/family62% - See photos/videos 38% - Chat or message 17% - Post personal updates 16% - Get news 14% - Play games
Demographics:
= 13yrs of age = 114,000 (1.1%)
14 – 17yrs of age = 1,261,500 (11.9%)
18 – 24yrs of age = 2,626,140 (24.7%)
25 – 34yrs of age = 2,766,200 (26.1%)
35 – 44yrs of age = 1,775,540 (16.7%)
45 – 54yrs of age = 1,136,960 (10.7%
55 – 64yrs of age = 592,680 (5.6%)
65yrs of age + = 337,980 (3.2%)
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Other sites have comparable levels of user engagement
% of users who check in daily:
63% - Facebook
57% - Instagram
46% - Twitter
23% - Pinterest
13% - LinkedIn
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Demographics
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Demographics
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Mature age use of new technologies #
The ‘New Age Retiree’:
• They are well and truly online
• 500k online every month, 1.8 million page-views
• Massive users of mobile devices
• 95% considered themselves healthy
• 75% have paid off their home
• 40% of people plan to travel overseas in the next year
• 26% shop online
• Only 50% of online over 60s are retired# Rebecca Wilson, founder and CEO of Starts at 60
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Questions?
1. How has the Internet and Social Media has changed the lives of couples?
2. How has the Internet and Social Media changed your role as a MRE?
3. How has the Internet and Social Media impacted on your relationship?
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
How Social Media has changed the lives of couples
• The way couples find and receive news and information
• How they stay in touch with others (and reconnect)
• How people reveal themselves and share information
• How couples make friends and find acquaintances
• The way people find potential partners
• How couples do business
• How businesses connect to buyers and potential buyers
• How they learn.
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
How Social Media has changed your role
Up to 80% of Australian practitioners have counselled clients who have concerns about the impact of digital communications tools on their relationships.
Results from the practitioner survey revealed:
• 80% of respondents had counselled clients who raised concerns about the impact of Facebook on relationships;
• 72% had encountered concerns about email; and
• 50% had encountered concerns about mobile internet devices, blogs and forums.
Working with couples enables a conversation about Social Media and the issues and dangers for couples.
* Source: Knight, K. Child Family Community Australia (CFCA) information exchange, 28 May 2012. www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
How Social Media has changed your relationship
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage work (Gottman, John and Silver, Nan: 2015 The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work):
1. Enhance your love maps
2. Nurture your fondness and admiration
3. Turn toward each other instead of away
4. Let your partner influence you
5. Solve your Solvable Problems
6. Overcome gridlock
7. Create shared meaning
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
1. Enhance you Love Maps
Handout: Gottman The Love Map 20 Questions Game (p58-59)
1. Describe our first meeting?
2. Describe what each of us was wearing on that first meeting?
3. What hobbies does my partner like to do on his or her own?
4. What areas/countries has my partner lived in their life?
5. What are my partner’s current stressors? (People or things)
https://www.mareaa.asn.au/attachments/article/134/Gottman%20Questions.pdf
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
2. Nurture your fondness and admiration
Exercise (p.72):
Fondness and Admiration questionnaireTo assess the current state of your fondness and admiration in your relationship, answer the following.
Read each statement and circle T for “True” or F for “False”.
Scoring: Give yourself 1 point for each “true” answer.
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
3. Turn toward each other instead of away
Couples who stay together, end to turn toward each other
on average of 86% of the time
Couples who divorce, tend to turn toward each other
on average of 33% of the time
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
3. Turn toward each other instead of away
Exercise (p 90):
Is your relationship primed for Romance?To get a good sense of how your relationship is faring (or is likely to fare in the future), answer the following.
Read each statement and circle T for “True” or F for “False”.
Scoring: Give yourself 1 point for each “true” answer.
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
3. Turn toward each other instead of away
Two obstacles to turning toward each other:
1. Missing a bid because it is wrapped in anger or a negative emotion
2. Being distracted by the wired world
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
3. Turn toward each other instead of away
The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains (Carr, Nicholas, G: 2010):
“Self-distraction has become a permanent, unconscious habit for many”
Devices enable turning away!
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
3. Turn toward each other instead of away
Questions:
1. Who is very uncomfortable when they are without their phone?
2. Have you had to acknowledge that there is a problem?
3. Do you implement strategies to manage device usage?
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
3. Turn toward each other instead of away
Self-assessment for couples on why they are using online sites:
1. Assess how much time you are talking to the opposite sex or particular individuals online
2. Spell out your expectations with others when online
3. Do not engage in intimate conversations with someone other than your partner
4. Share passwords with your partner
5. Set parameters around how much time and when you are online
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
3. Turn toward each other instead of away
Another approach: The emotional bank account
• Reunite at the end of the day and talk
• Shop together
• Cook, Clean, Garden together
• Go away for the weekend
• Volunteer together
• Double date with friends
• Write a letter or card
• Talk
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
5. Solve your Solvable Problems
69% of marital conflict is related to Perpetual Problems
The top five (now six) areas of relationship conflict:
1. Work Stress (in and out of the house)
2. In Laws
3. Finances
4. Sex
5. Children
6. Being distracted by the wired world
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
5. Solve your Solvable Problems
Sample of Australian Couples: PREPARE/ENRICH*
42%
18% 19%21%
0%
50%
19% 19%
12%
0%
18%
10%
17%
21%
34%
0%
10%
20%
30%
40%
50%
60%
Vitalised Harmonious Conventional Conflicted Devitalised
Dating
Engaged
Married
*(12 months to July 31, 2014)www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
5. Solve your Solvable Problems
After the Honeymoon: How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship (Wile, Daniel, B: 2008)
“When choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular
set of unresolvable problems that you’ll be grappling with for the next
10, 20 or 50 years”
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
5. Solve your Solvable Problems
Exercise (p.196-198):
Unplugging from Distractions: QuizTo get a good sense of whether the issue of high-tech distractions is a significant one for your relationship and requires some extra attention, answer the following.
Read each statement and circle ‘Rarely’, ‘At times’, ‘Usually’ or ‘Often’.
Scoring: Add up the points (indicated in each column).
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
5. Solve your Solvable Problems
Pornography:
• Estimated 500 millions pages of sexually explicit material
• 20 – 33% of Internet Users go online for sexual purposes*
• Research indicates that habitual use impacts the nature and quality of sex in relationships:
o Less frequent sex
o Less sexual communications
o Less Mutually satisfying sex
o Increased risk of betrayal
* American Association for Marriage and Family Therapywww.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Ethics and Social Media
MREs are not expected to avoid social media but must engage in social media in an ethically appropriate and professional manner.
MREs need to separate their personal social media use from their professional social media use.
Ethical concerns as an MRE*:
• Client Confidentiality concerns
• Dual roles/multiple relationships
• Conflicts of interest
• Advertising
* American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
The biggest potential problem with Facebook tends to be around managing Friend requests and controlling who posts on your Wall.
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Ethics and Social Media
Quick tips*:
Personal Accounts Professional Accounts
Use an email account that is not associated with your
professional activities and that is never used to interact with
clients
Use an email account that is not associated with your
personal activities and that is never used to interact with
clientsFamiliarise yourself with each
site’s terms of use, privacy policy, etc.
Familiarise yourself with each site’s terms of use, privacy
policy, etc.
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Ethics and Social Media
Personal Accounts Professional Accounts
Familiarise yourself with how each site makes
recommendations for friends/followers/connections
Familiarise yourself with how each site makes
recommendations for friends/followers/connections
Take full advantage of each site’s privacy settings and lock
down personal accounts to decrease the chances of clients finding your personal accounts
Implement a social media policy and clearly convey that
policy to clients
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Ethics and Social Media
* American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
Personal Accounts Professional Accounts
Do not post work related information on personal accounts
Familiarise yourself with the different types of accounts and
pages that are available on each site and choose options that minimise risks associated with client confidentiality, dual roles, conflicts of interest, etc.
Comply with the MAREAA Code of Ethics for Marriage, Relationship and Family Educators ensuring that descriptions of
yourself and your work are accuratehttps://www.mareaa.asn.au/about-us/ethics
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
References, additional resources:
A Psychotherapist’s Guide to Facebook and Twitter: Why Clinicians Should Give a Tweet!
http://www.psychotherapy.net/article/psychotherapists-guide-social-media
To Accept or Not to Accept? How to Respond When Clients Send “Friend Request” to their psychotherapists or counsellors on social networking sites
http://www.zurinstitute.com/socialnetworking.html
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Key messages:
What can I do differently today to make a difference for tomorrow?
• As a professional?
• Personally in my relationships?
• As an advocate for change?
Marriage and Relationship
EducatorAs a Partner
With individuals
and couples
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Objectives
• How digital technology matters in the lives of Australian couples
• The impact of the internet, mobile phones and social media on couple relationships
• Important or emerging issue for many couples and as a Marriage and Relationship Educator
www.prepare-enrich.com.au© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Twitter Feed
www.prepare-enrich.com.au © 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia
Questions?
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