andrea warnick, rn, maecdss.ca/ecdss_2015/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/supporting-grieving... ·...
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Andrea Warnick, RN, MA
Registered Psychotherapist
www.andreawarnick.com
Recognizing grief in youth
Communication barriers
Support strategies
Conversation openers
Some signs that youth may need more help
Copyright © 2018 Andrea Warnick
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Grief:
Bereavement:
Mourning:
Disenfranchised Grief:
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“GRIEF” is all the different thoughts and feelings that occur when experiencing a significant loss in life.
Copyright © 2017 Andrea Warnick
WHY??
Psychological
SocialSpiritual
PhysiologicalBehavioral
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A predictable set of stages
Copyright © 2016 Andrea Warnick
Copyright © 2017 Andrea Warnick
Copyright © 2018 Andrea Warnick
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Anger
Embarrassed about showing emotions
Shock/disbelief
Wondering about what makes life worth living
‘Nothing makes sense…’
Envious
Alone
Questioning spiritual/religious beliefs
Less safe
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“No one ever told me that grief felt
so like fear. I am not afraid, but the
sensation is like being afraid. The
same fluttering in the
stomach, the same
restlessness…”C.S. Lewis
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Physical symptoms
Anger – mad easier than sad
Sleep disturbance
Increased need to be with peers
Irritability
Dysregulation
Difficulty concentrating
Loss of confidence/fear
Increased need for affection
Changes in academic performance
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Intuitive Instrumental
(Doka and Martin)
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Try to avoid: :
1. The Fix-It Trap➢ “Everything happens for a reason…”➢ “At least…”
2. Advising, Giving Solutions➢ “You just need to…”
3. Praising ➢ “You are so strong.”
4. Reassuring➢ “Time heals all…” ➢ “ I know how you feel…” ➢ “You aren’t given more than you can bear…”
(E. Causton, 1995)
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Grief is a natural response to loss - we can’t
avoid suffering in life
Alienation from the grieving process creates
challenges for grievers and supporters➢ Be aware of the tendency to avoid or bury intense
feelings
Grief doesn’t need to be fixed
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Show up!
Check-in frequently
Create opportunities for connection
Explore the need to connect with peers
➢ Provide opportunities to connect with other youth in a similar
situation.
Explore if they need to find a way to say goodbye
“Wonder” together
Copyright © 2018 Andrea Warnick
Copyright © 2018 Andrea Warnick
Model healthy grief. Don’t preach
it.
Be aware of the struggle for
independence during a time of
increased vulnerability.
Encourage self-compassion.
Help distinguish between feelings
vs. behaviors.
Cultivate ability to be with big
feelings.
Allow for expression of emotions.
Do not try to “fix” their pain – bear
witness to it.
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Copyright © 2018 Andrea Warnick
Acknowledge the Situation
➢ Ask for permission to talk about it with them.
➢ Explore what the youth knows/understands:“I’m wondering if you could tell me what you understand about the situation?”
➢ Explore if the youth has overheard anything he/she doesn’t understand?
➢ Encourage youth to ask questions or share concerns, reassuring that all are ‘okay’.
“I’m wondering if the world feels like a pretty [scary]
[confusing] place to you right now?”
“Can you tell me about _____? What was she like?”
“Do you want to talk about ….”
“What are some of your favourite memories of
____?”
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Self-harm
Poor relationships with peers
Self medication through use of alcohol/drugs
Anxiety/panic attacks
Progressive isolation and lack of interest in
previously enjoyed activities
Chronic physical symptoms without organic findings
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Persistent denial of a death
On-going sleep/eating
disturbances
Prolonged changes in typical
behavior
Any signs of mental health
challenges
Suicidal thoughts, comments or
behaviors
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• Show up & open the conversation
• Listen
• Be honest
• Foster an environment where youth can
ask questions
• Know that it is okay to not have the
answerCopyright © 2018 Andrea Warnick
Copyright © 2018 Andrea Warnick
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Copyright © 2017 Andrea Warnick
A guided strengths-
based therapeutic
journal for teens and
'tweens’ dealing with
difficult issues including
trauma (11yrs +)
Available through “Art
with Heart”:
www.artwithheart.org
Copyright © 2017 Andrea Warnick
www.slapd.com
Copyright © 2017 Andrea Warnick
http://help2makesense.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/teenagers_pullout.pdf
Help 2 Make Sense (Winston’s Wish)
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Stop-Breathe-Think:
www.stopbreathethink.org
Mind Shift:
https://itunes.apple.com/ca/app/mindshift/id6346848
25?mt=8
Anxiety BC:
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http://grievingstudents.scholastic.com
Literary Resources for Teens
Grollman, E. (1993): Straight Talk About Death for Teenagers.
The Dougy Centre. (2004). Helping Teens Cope with
Death.
Stokes, J. A. (2000). The Secret C: Straight Talking about
Cancer. (Tweens)
Winston’s Wish (2007). Out of the Blue: Making Memories
Last when Someone has Died. Copyright © 2018 Andrea Warnick
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Kids Help Phone:
www.kidshelpphone.ca
24/7 Counselling hotline
email: [email protected]
web: www.andreawarnick.com
Facebook: “Andrea Warnick Consulting”
Twitter: “@AndreaWarnick1”
Newsletter sign up on website
“grief is crazy-making, feels like
a psychosis, is implosive,
explosive, arbitrary, unjust, but
is as basic to the human
condition as love and joy” (Bertman, 1999)
Copyright © 2018 Andrea Warnick