(c)  2013  DialogueWORKS,  LC.                                                                                                                          All  Rights  Reserved.   1  

!

DialogueWORKS Application Example

The case of one hot Summer

“That’s just the way I am!”

DialogueWORKS Recognizing Styles & Connecting with Others!

Identify different styles.

Increase awareness of your primary and secondary style.

Learn to adapt or match the styles of others.

ü 

ü 

ü 

Reflect their reflection

KathyText BoxIndividual Communication StylesBYU Education Week 2013: John R. Stoker

(c)  2013  DialogueWORKS,  LC.                                                                                                                          All  Rights  Reserved.   2  

DialogueWORKS The Effectiveness Model!

Increasing effectiveness increases our overall capacity to achieve results, improve respect, and build relationships.

ü 

DialogueWORKS What is Conversation?!

Conversation is…

ü  the action of living, associating, and dealing with others.

ü  the manner of our conduct or behavior.

ü  the oral exchange of ideas, opinions, or observations.

DialogueWORKS The REAL Conversation Model!

The behaviors of effective conversation combine to create the phases for holding any conversation.

ü 

KathyText BoxIndividual Communication StylesBYU Education Week 2013: John R. Stoker

(c)  2013  DialogueWORKS,  LC.                                                                                                                          All  Rights  Reserved.   3  

DialogueWORKS Understanding Interaction Styles!

(TELL)

(TASK-ORIENTED)

(ASK)

(PEOPLE-ORIENTED)

DialogueWORKS Four Communication Channels!

Communication is Mental, Vocal, Visual, and Verbal.

The mental aspect drives the other three.

ü 

ü 

Notice clusters!

DialogueWORKS Why Does All This Matter?!

Our brain makes snap judgments in between 1/10 to 15 seconds.

ü  Recognizing and reflecting back others’ reflection increases engagement and understanding.

The brain is wired to connect with others.

People reflect their style to you.

People reflect your reflection back to you.

KathyText BoxIndividual Communication StylesBYU Education Week 2013: John R. Stoker

(c)  2013  DialogueWORKS,  LC.                                                                                                                          All  Rights  Reserved.   4  

DialogueWORKS The Initiator − “Get to It” !

Wants results and action Is forceful and direct Speaks quickly and emphatically Makes direct eye contact Has no space limitation Gestures to make a point Frustrated by Connectors and Discoverers ✓

DialogueWORKS Initiator—Verbal Cues!

I need it ASAP!

Just do it!

Yes or no?!

Completed!

Don’t waste my time!

The Bottom Line is…

Results

Get it done!

Purpose

Action

Win!

DialogueWORKS The Builder—“Get Appreciation”!

Wants recognition and appreciation Is fun-loving and spontaneous Speaks expressively and continuously Makes direct and intermittent eye contact Touches when talking Uses entire body to speak

Frustrated by Initiators and Discoverers ✓

KathyText BoxIndividual Communication StylesBYU Education Week 2013: John R. Stoker

(c)  2013  DialogueWORKS,  LC.                                                                                                                          All  Rights  Reserved.   5  

DialogueWORKS Builder—Verbal Cues!

Sweet!

Fabulous idea!

I’m feeling like…

Cover our bases

Dazzle & baffle ‘em.

Give me the big picture.

This is big time overrated.

Don’t sweat the details.

DialogueWORKS The Connector—“Get Cooperation”!

Wants peace and harmony Is warm and reserved Speaks quietly or is soft-spoken Makes little if any eye contact Likes their space Uses casual gestures Frustrated by Initiators ✓

DialogueWORKS Connector—Verbal Cues!

Could you explain that to me please?

I’d like to hear your ideas first, then I’ll respond.

Let’s not be in a hurry.

Let’s consider others’ feelings.

I’d like to hear everyone’s ideas.

What do you think?

What does everyone else think?

We always do it like this.

Team

KathyText BoxIndividual Communication StylesBYU Education Week 2013: John R. Stoker

(c)  2013  DialogueWORKS,  LC.                                                                                                                          All  Rights  Reserved.   6  

DialogueWORKS The Discoverer—“Get it Right”!

Wants precision and expertise Speaks deliberately Asks a lot of questionsLooks away when thinking Likes personal space Uses no gestures Frustrated by Builders ✓

DialogueWORKS Discoverer—Verbal Cues!

What’s the problem?

Whose idea was this?

Give me the data!

That will never work!

What happened? Why?

I need more information.

What is the plan?

What do you want to do?

DialogueWORKS Interaction Styles Opposites!

KathyText BoxIndividual Communication StylesBYU Education Week 2013: John R. Stoker

(c)  2013  DialogueWORKS,  LC.                                                                                                                          All  Rights  Reserved.   7  

DialogueWORKS Expressiveness Axis!

ff

DialogueWORKS Expressiveness Axis!

Is this person more open or more restrained in what they talk about?

Notice the content of their speech.

DialogueWORKS Forcefulness Axis!

KathyText BoxIndividual Communication StylesBYU Education Week 2013: John R. Stoker

(c)  2013  DialogueWORKS,  LC.                                                                                                                          All  Rights  Reserved.   8  

DialogueWORKS Forcefulness Axis!

Is this person more aggressive or

more passive in how they communicate?

Notice how they deliver the message.

DialogueWORKS Match—Don’t Mimic!

Summarize to check clarity and understanding by asking questions.

Match or adapt to their proximity, eye contact, gestures, tempo, and tone by gently reflecting their behavior to them.

ü 

ü 

Caveat: Don’t Parrot or Mimic

DialogueWORKS Quick Tips—Initiator!

Talk about the task. Be prepared to offer solutions.Know the details if asked.

When talking to an Initiator… DO:

Be precise, concise, and to the point.

KathyText BoxIndividual Communication StylesBYU Education Week 2013: John R. Stoker

(c)  2013  DialogueWORKS,  LC.                                                                                                                          All  Rights  Reserved.   9  

DialogueWORKS Quick Tips—Builder!

Be friendly. Show interest in their ideas.

When talking to a Builder… DO:

Ask questions to check your understanding.

Explore the big picture & the details.

DialogueWORKS Quick Tips—Connector!

Make a personal connection. Answer their questions.

When talking to a Connector… DO:

Draw out their perspective with questions. Explain any reason for change.

DialogueWORKS Quick Tips—Discoverer!

Be thorough and accurate.

When talking to a Discoverer… DO:

Be prepared with facts and data.

Be organized and logical. Allow them time to think.

KathyText BoxIndividual Communication StylesBYU Education Week 2013: John R. Stoker

(c)  2013  DialogueWORKS,  LC.                                                                                                                          All  Rights  Reserved.   10  

DialogueWORKS All Are Necessary!!

Initiators—Actions/Results Builders—Ideas/Motivation Connectors—Execution/InvolvementDiscoverers—Analysis/Precision

All four styles help to achieve maximum results. ✓

DialogueWORKS Understanding Interaction Styles!

(TELL)

(TASK-ORIENTED)

(ASK)

(PEOPLE-ORIENTED)

!

KathyText BoxIndividual Communication StylesBYU Education Week 2013: John R. Stoker