attachment and communication in marriage 2...welcome to light university and the “attachment and...

AttachmentandCommunicationinMarriage2.0

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WelcometoLightUniversityandthe“AttachmentandCommunicationinMarriage2.0”programofstudy.Ourprayeristhatyouwillbeblessedbyyourstudiesandincreaseyoureffectivenessinreachingout to others. We believe you will find this program to be academically-sound, clinically-excellentandbiblically-based.Our faculty represents some of the best in their field—including professors, counselors, andministers who provide students with current, practical instruction relevant to the needs oftoday’sgenerations.Wehavealsoworkedhardtoprovideyouwithaprogramthatisconvenientandflexible,givingyoutheadvantageof“classroominstruction”onlineandallowingyoutocompleteyourtrainingonyourowntimeandscheduleinthecomfortofyourhomeoroffice.Thetestmaterialcanbefoundatwww.lightuniversity.comandmaybetakenopenbook.Onceyouhavesuccessfullycompletedthetest,whichcoverstheunitswithinthiscourse,youwillbeawardedacertificateofcompletionsignifyingyouhavecompletedthisprogramofstudy.Thank you for your interest in this program of study. Our prayer is that you will grow inknowledge,discernment,andpeople-skillsthroughoutthiscourseofstudy.Sincerely,

RonHawkinsDean,LightUniversity


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TheAmericanAssociationofChristianCounselors

• Representsthe largestorganizedmembershipofChristiancounselorsandcaregivers intheworld,havingjustcelebratedits30thanniversaryin2016.

• Known for its top-tier publications (Christian Counseling Today and Christian CounselingConnection), professional credentialing opportunities offered through the InternationalBoard of Christian Care (IBCC), excellence in Christian counseling education, an array ofbroad-basedconferencesandlivetrainingevents,radioprograms,regulatoryandadvocacyeffortsonbehalfofChristianprofessionals,apeer-reviewedEthicsCode,andcollaborativepartnershipssuchasCompassion International, theAACChasbecomethefaceofChristiancounselingtoday.

• TheAACCalsohelpedlaunchtheInternationalChristianCoachingAssociation(ICCA)in2011,

andhasdevelopedanumberofeffectivetoolsandtrainingresourcesforLifeCoaches.OurMission

The AACC is committed to assisting Christian counselors, the entire “community of care,”licensedprofessionals,pastors,andlaychurchmemberswithlittleornoformaltraining.Itisourintention to equip clinical, pastoral, and lay caregivers with biblical truth and psychosocialinsights that minister to hurting persons and help them move to personal wholeness,interpersonalcompetence,mentalstability,andspiritualmaturity.


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OurVision

TheAACC’svisionhastwocriticaldimensions:First,wedesiretoservetheworldwideChristianChurch by helping foster maturity in Christ. Second, we aim to serve, educate, and equip1,000,000 professional clinicians, pastoral counselors, and lay helpers throughout the nextdecade.WearecommittedtohelpingtheChurchequipGod’speopletoloveandcareforoneanother.We recognize Christian counseling as a unique form of Christian discipleship, assisting theChurch in its call to bring believers to maturity in the lifelong process of sanctification—ofgrowingtomaturityinChristandexperiencingabundantlife.Werecognizesomearegiftedtodosointhecontextofaclinical,professionaland/orpastoralmanner.Wealsobelieveselectedlaypeoplearecalledtocareforothersandthattheyneedtheappropriatetrainingandmentoringtodoso.WebelievetheroleofthehelpingministryintheChurchmust be supported by three strong cords: the pastor, the lay helper, and the clinicalprofessional.ItistothesethreerolesthattheAACCisdedicatedtoserve(Ephesians4:11-13).

OurCoreValues

InthenameofChrist,theAmericanAssociationofChristianCounselorsabidesbythefollowingvalues:

VALUE1:OURSOURCEWearecommittedtohonor JesusChristandglorifyGod,remaining flexibleandresponsivetotheHolySpiritinallthatHehascalledustobeanddo.VALUE2:OURSTRENGTHWearecommittedtobiblicaltruths,andtoclinicalexcellenceandunityinthedeliveryofallourresources,services,training,andbenefits.VALUE3:OURSERVICEWe are committed to effectively and competently serve the community of careworldwide—both ourmembership and the Church at large—with excellence and timeliness, and by over-deliveryonourpromises.VALUE4:OURSTAFFWearecommittedtovalueand invest inourpeopleaspartners inourmissiontohelpotherseffectivelyprovideChrist-centeredcounselingandsoulcareforhurtingpeople.VALUE5:OURSTEWARDSHIPWe are committed to profitably steward the resources God gives to us in order to continueservingtheneedsofhurtingpeople.


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LightUniversity• Established in1999underthe leadershipofDr.TimClinton—hasnowseennearly300,000

students from around the world (including lay caregivers, pastors and chaplains, crisisresponders,lifecoaches,andlicensedmentalhealthpractitioners)enrollincoursesthataredelivered via multiple formats (live conference and Webinar presentations, video-basedcertificationtraining,andastate-of-the-art,onlinedistanceteachingplatform).

• Thesepresentations, courses, and certificateanddiplomaprogramsofferoneof themostcomprehensive orientations to Christian counseling anywhere. The strength of LightUniversity is partially determinedby itsworld-class faculty—more than150of the leadingChristianeducators,authors,mentalhealthcliniciansandlifecoachingexpertsintheUnitedStates. This core group of facultymembers represents a literal “Who’sWho” in Christiancounseling. No other university in the world has pulled together such a diverse andcomprehensivegroupofprofessionals.

• Educational and training materials cover more than 40 relevant core areas in Christian

counseling, life coaching,mediation, and crisis response—equipping competent caregiversand ministry leaders who are making a difference in their churches, communities, andorganizations.

OurMissionStatement

TotrainonemillionBiblicalCounselors,ChristianLifeCoaches,andChristianCrisisRespondersbyeducating,equipping,andservingtoday’sChristianleaders.

AcademicallySound•ClinicallyExcellent•DistinctivelyChristian


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Video-basedCurriculum

• Utilizes DVD presentations that incorporate more than 150 of the leading Christianeducators,authors,mentalhealthclinicians,andlifecoachingexpertsintheUnitedStates.

• Eachpresentationisapproximately50-60minutesinlengthandmostareaccompaniedbyacorresponding text (inoutline format)anda10-questionexamination tomeasure learningoutcomes.Therearenearly1,000uniquepresentationsthatareavailableandorganizedinvariouscourseofferings.

• Learning is self-directed and pacing is determined according to the individual time

parameters/scheduleofeachparticipant.• With the successful completion of each program course, participants receive an official

Certificate of Completion. In addition to the normal Certificate of Completion that eachparticipant receives, Regular and Advanced Diplomas in Biblical Counseling are alsoavailable.

! TheRegular Diploma is awarded by takingCaring for PeopleGod’sWay,BreakingFree,andoneadditionalElectiveamongtheavailableCoreCourses.

! TheAdvancedDiploma isawardedbytakingCaringforPeopleGod’sWay,BreakingFree,andanythreeElectivesamongtheavailableCoreCourses.

Credentialing

• LightUniversitycourses,programs,certificates,anddiplomasarerecognizedandendorsedbytheInternationalBoardofChristianCare(IBCC)anditsthreeaffiliateBoards:theBoardofChristianProfessional&PastoralCounselors(BCPPC);theBoardofChristianLifeCoaching(BCLC);andtheBoardofChristianCrisis&TraumaResponse(BCCTR).

• Credentialing is a separate process from certificate or diploma completion. However, theIBCCacceptsLightUniversityandLightUniversityOnlineprogramsasmeetingtheacademicrequirementsforcredentialingpurposes.Graduatesareeligibletoapplyforcredentialinginmostcases.

! Credentialinginvolvesanapplication,attestation,andpersonalreferences.

! Credential renewals includeContinuingEducation requirements, re-attestation,andoccureitherannuallyorbienniallydependingonthespecificBoard.


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OnlineTesting

TheURLfortakingallquizzesforthiscourseis:http://www.lightuniversity.com/my-account/.

• TOLOGINTOYOURACCOUNT

! You should have received an e-mail upon checkout that included your username,password,andalinktologintoyouraccountonline.

• MYDASHBOARDPAGE

! Once registered, you will see theMy DVD Course Dashboard link by placing yourmousepointerovertheMyAccountmenuinthetopbaroftheWebsite.Thispagewill include student PROFILE information and the COURSES for which you areregistered.TheLOG-OUTandMYDASHBOARD tabswillbeatthetoprightofeachscreen. Clicking on the > next to the course will take you to the course pagecontainingthequizzes.

• QUIZZES

! Simplyclickonthefirstquiztobegin.• PRINTCERTIFICATE

Afterallquizzesare successfully completed,a “PrintYourCertificate”buttonwill appearnearthetopofthecoursepage.YouwillnowbeabletoprintaCertificateofCompletion.Yournameandthecourseinformationarepre-populated.ContinuingEducationThe AACC is approved by the American Psychological Association (APA) to offer continuingeducationforpsychologists.TheAACCisaco-sponsorofthistrainingcurriculumandaNationalBoard for Certified Counselors (NBCC) Approved Continuing Education Provider (ACEPTM). TheAACC may award NBCC approved clock hours for events or programs that meet NBCCrequirements.TheAACCmaintainsresponsibilityforthecontentofthistrainingcurriculum.TheAACCalsoofferscontinuingeducationcreditforplaytherapiststhroughtheAssociationforPlayTherapy (APT Approved Provider #14-373), so long as the training element is specificallyapplicabletothepracticeofplaytherapy.Itremainstheresponsibilityofeachindividualtobeawareofhis/herstatelicensureandContinuingEducationrequirements.AlettercertifyingparticipationwillbemailedtothoseindividualswhosubmitaContinuingEducationrequestandhavesuccessfullycompletedallcourserequirements.


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Presentersfor



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PresenterBiographiesW. JesseGill, Psy.D., isa licensedpsychologistwho ispassionateaboutmarriagetherapy.Hisbook,Face-to-Face:SevenKeystoaSecureMarriage,integratesthetruthofScripturewiththepowerofattachmenttheorytohelphealandstrengthenmarriages.Dr.Gill ismarriedtoApril,the love of his life; theywork together to build security in theirmarriage andwith their twochildren.LindaMintle,Ph.D.,isChair,DivisionofBehavioralHealth,DepartmentofPrimaryCare,CollegeofOsteopathicMedicineatLibertyUniversityinLynchburg,VA.SheisaLicensedMarriageandFamilyTherapistandLicensedClinicalSocialWorker.Dr.MintleisanApprovedSupervisorwiththeAmericanAssociationofMarriageandFamilyTherapist(AAMFT)andcompletedafour-yearpostgraduateexternship inMarriageandFamilywithEasternVirginiaMedicalSchoolandtheFamilyTherapyPracticeCenterinGeorgetown.Shehasauthored15booksandhascontributednumerouschaptersandarticlestovarioustextbooksonthetreatmentofeatingdisorders.Dr.Mintleisalsoanationalnewscontributor,speakerandhostsherownradioprogram.MarriedtoNorm, theDeanof theSchoolofCommunicationandCreativeArts at LibertyUniversity, theyhavetwochildrenwhobringmuchjoytotheirlives.EricScalise,Ph.D.,LPC,LMFT,isthePresidentofLIVEnterprises&Consulting,LLC.Hecurrentlyserves as Senior Vice President and Chief StrategyOfficer (CSO)withHope For TheHeart, aninternationalChristiancounselingministryofferingbiblicalhopeandpracticalhelp.HeisalsotheformerSeniorVicePresident for theAmericanAssociationofChristianCounselors (AACC)andformerDepartmentChairforCounselingProgramsatRegentUniversity.Dr.ScaliseisaLicensedProfessional Counselor and a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist with nearly 40 years ofclinical andprofessionalexperience in thementalhealth field, andhe served six yearson theVirginiaBoardofCounseling. Specialtyareas includeprofessional/pastoral stressandburnout,combat trauma and PTSD, marriage and family issues, addictions and recovery, leadershipdevelopment, and lay counselor training. As the son of a diplomat, Dr. Scalise was born inNicosia,Cyprus,andhasalsolivedandtraveledextensivelyaroundtheworld.Heisapublishedauthor, conference speaker, and frequently works with organizations, clinicians, ministryleaders,andchurchesonavarietyof issues.Dr.ScaliseandhiswifeDonnahavebeenmarriedfor 38 years, have twin sonswho are combat veterans serving in theU.S.Marine Corps, andthreegrandchildren.


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AttachmentandCommunicationinMarriage2.0TableofContents:

ACM101:Face-to-Face:EmbracingVulnerabilityandSecureAttachmentsinMaritalConflict,

Part1.....................................................................................................................................11

JesseGill,Psy.D.

ACM102:Face-to-Face:EmbracingVulnerabilityandSecureAttachmentinMaritalConflict,

Part2.....................................................................................................................................19

JesseGill,Psy.D.

ACM103:WeNeedtoTalk:SuccessfullyNavigatingConflict..................................................28

LindaMintle,Ph.D.


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ACM101:

Face-to-Face:EmbracingVulnerabilityandSecureAttachmentsinMaritalConflict,Part1

JesseGill,Psy.D.


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Thispresentationwasoriginally recordedasoneofAACC’sCounselTalkWebinars.Assuch, the

presenter may mention PowerPoint slides and refer to the presentation as a Webinar. Your

course notes are equivalent to the PowerPoint; any graphicsmentioned are displayed on the

screen.


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Summary

Conflict is a part of every relationship. In this lecture, Dr. Gill reviews attachment styles and

relates each type to patterns and behaviors that may occur in marriage. Listeners will walk

throughhowapersondevelopsanattachmentstyleandidentifytheproblematicpatternsand

needsforeachinsecureattachmentstyle.

LearningObjectives

1. Participantswill apply the foundational principles of attachment theory to understand

whatisattherootofmarriageconflict.

2. Participantswilldiscoverthestylesofattachmentandhowchildhoodattachmentstyles

impactmaritalinteractions.

3. Participantswillidentifytherootofconflictinmaritalrelationships.


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I. AttachmentTheory

A. WhatWeLearnfromAttachmentTheory

1. Whatittakestobuildlovingrelationships

2. Whatisgoingonwhenthingsgowrong

3. Whatwemustdotoputthingsbackinorder

B. TheOriginsofAttachment

TheLordGodsaid,‘Itisnotgoodformantobealone.’”

Genesis2:18

C. WhatIsAttachment?

1. Attachmentisthetangibleexperienceoflove.

2. AttachmentisthebindingforcethatGodordainedwhichdrivesustoconnectwith

othersinlifesustainingcloseandsecurerelationships.

3. Attachmentisco-created.

4. Attachmentensuresgrowthandsurvival,linkingparentandchildincloseness,

comfort,playfulness,andprotection.

“Attachmentisthecloseemotionalandphysiologicalbond

betweenaninfantandcaregiver.”

–JohnBowlby


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II. BuildingSecureAttachment

A. ThreeIngredientsforSecureAttachmentinChildren

1. Face-to-Facegazing

2. Tendertouch

3. Vulnerableemotionalsharing/consistentemotionalresponding

B. SecureAttachment(Bowlby,1969).

1. SafeHaven:Thesechildrenknowsomeoneisthereforthem.Theyhaveasenseof

belonging.Inmomentsofneedtheyarevulnerableinturningtotrustedpeoplefor

comfortandsafety.

2. SecureBase:Theybranchoutconfidentlyexploringtheirinnerandouterworlds.

C. ThreeStagesofRespondingtoPhysicalSeparation(RobertsonandBowlbyatTavistock

Clinic,1952).

1. Protest

2. Despair

3. Detachment

D. ThreeStagesofRespondingtoEmotionalSeparation(Tronick,1978)

1. Protest


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2. Despair

3. Detachment

III. TheAttachmentStyles(Ainsworth,etal.,1978)

A. Secure

1. Children:Exploretheroomwhenmomispresent;crywhensheleavesandhappily

reuniteuponherreturn.

2. Adults:Askforneeds,arepresenttoothers.

B. AmbivalentProtesters

1. Children:Anxiouswhenmomwasclose,reluctanttoexplore,extremelyanxious

whensheleft,andangrywhenshereturned.

2. Adults:Demanding,controlling,andfearfulofabandonment.

C. DetachedAvoiders

1. Children:Avoidmomwhensheisintheroom,don’texplore,andaredetachedwhen

sheleavesandreturns.

2. Adults:Avoidconflict,criticism,andintimacy


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D. Disorganized

1. Childrenwhoexperiencedparentsasfrightening,betraying,orveryneglectfuland

aretraumatized.

2. Rapidcyclingamongprotest,despair,ordetachmentwilloccurwhentheyface

emotionalseparationaschildrenandadults.

“MyGodshallsupplyallmyneedsaccordingtohisrichesinglory.”

Philippians4:19

“WhenIamafraid,Iwilltrustinthee.”

Psalm56:3

E. InsecurelyAttachedCouplesendupinNegativeCycles


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F. TheRootofConflict=SeparationfromEmotionalConnection

1. DistressedCouplescan’tfindeachotherforcomfortorsupportintimesofneed.

Theyhaveunmetattachmentneeds,andchronicseparationpanic.

2. Securecouplesareabletoreachdirectlyandvulnerablyforoneanotherintimesof

need.

IV. Q&AwithDrs.EricScaliseandJesseGill


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ACM102:

Face-to-Face:EmbracingVulnerabilityandSecureAttachmentinMaritalConflict,Part2

JesseGill,Psy.D.


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Thispresentationwasoriginally recordedasoneofAACC’sCounselTalkWebinars.Assuch, the

presenter may mention PowerPoint slides and refer to the presentation as a Webinar. Your

course notes are equivalent to the PowerPoint; any graphicsmentioned are displayed on the

screen.


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Summary

In this lecture, Dr. Gill explains the BUILD method of establishing connection in couples:

breathing, uplifting, interrupting, low and slow, and distill the message. Continuing to share

techniques for the therapy session, Dr. Gill identifies three “C” characteristics—Curious,

Compassionate,andControlled—thatservetodevelopanatmosphereofsafetyandpartnership

throughcounselingwork.

LearningObjectives

1. Participantswillidentifywhatthetypesofattachmentneedsinmarriage.

2. Participantswillbeequippedwithtoolsandtechniquestoaddtoacounselingtoolbox.

3. Participants will analyze Scriptures pertinent to each attachment style and be able to

applythemincounseling.


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I. ConflictfromanAttachmentFramework

A. HowWillTheyRespond?

1. Secure

2. Protesters

3. Avoiders

4. Traumatized

B. AnOpportunityforGrowth

1. Growingcloserinrelationship

2. Healingoldwounds

C. SpecificAttachmentNeeds

1. Protesters–Needtoknowthey’reworthwhile,visible,notalone,andcherished.

2. Avoiders-Needtobegentlydrawnout,accepted,affirmed,embracedevenwith

flaws,andnotshamed.

3. Despair–Needempathy,attention,awareness,encouragement,andsomeoneto

helpthemsettleconfidence.


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D. FromNegativeCycleTowardFace-to-Face

1. Identifyandinterruptthenegativecycle

2. Drawouttheattachmentneedsofeach

3. Engagetheavoiderfirst,softentheprotester

4. Restoreemotionalconnection

II. ToolsandTechniques

A. TheEmotionallyPresentTherapist

1. Youarethetool

2. Donotletanxietybecomeoverwhelming

3. Develophealthyself-awareness

4. Bethebridge

B. KeepYourPostureAttuned

1. Noticing

2. Holdingontohope

3. Acceptance


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C. Scriptures

“Canawomanforgethernursingchild,thatsheshouldhavenocompassiononthesonof

herwomb?Eventhesemayforget,yetIwillnotforgetyou.Behold,Ihaveengravedyou

onthepalmsofmyhands;yourwallsarecontinuallybeforeme.”

–Isaiah49:15-16,ESV

“Thoughmyfatherandmotherforsakeme,theLordwillreceiveme….Iremainconfident

ofthis:IwillseethegoodnessoftheLordinthelandoftheliving.”

–Psalm27:10,13,NIV

“TheLordismylightandmysalvation—whomshallIfear?TheLordisthestrongholdof

mylife—ofwhomshallIbeafraid?”

–Psalm27:1,NIV

D. Face-to-FaceTV

1. Face-to-Facemoments

2. Touch

3. Vulnerability

E. TherapistToolstoBUILDtheConnection

1. Breathing

2. Uplifting

3. Interrupting


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4. Lowandslow

5. Distillthemessage

F. TheThreeC’sforSessions

1. Curious

2. Compassionate

3. Controlled

G. TheGoalofTherapy

1. Movecouplestoapositionofface-to-face

2. Explorationistheonlywaytogrow

III. Q&AwithDrs.JesseGillandEricScalise


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References

Ainsworth,M.D.,Blehar,M.C.,Waters,E.,&Wall,S.(1978).Patternsofattachment:Assessedin

thestrangesituationandathome.Hillsdale,N.J.:LawrenceErlbaum.

Bowlby,J.(1969.)Attachmentandloss(VolI).London:Hogarth.

Johnson,S.M.(2004).Creatingconnection:Thepracticeofemotionallyfocusedcouplestherapy.

NewYork:BrunnerandRutledge.

Gill,J.(2015).Face-to-face:Sevenkeystoasecuremarriage.Bloomington,IN:WestbowPress,A

DivisionofThomasNelson&Zondervan.

Main,M.,&Solomon,J.(1990).Proceduresforidentifyinginfantsasdisorganized/disoriented

duringtheAinsworthstrangesituation.InGreenberg,M.T.,Cichetti,D.&Cummings,

E.M.(Eds.).Attachmentinthepreschoolyears:Theory,researchandintervention(pp.

121-160).Chicago:UniversityofChicagoPress.

Robertson,J.,&Bowlby,J.(1952).Responsesofyoungchildrentoseparationfromtheir

mothers.CourierCentreInternationaldel'Enfance,2,131-142.

TronickE.Z.,Als,H.,AdamsonL.,Wise,S.,&Brazelton,T.B.(1978).Theinfant’sresponseto

entrapmentbetweencontradictorymessagesinface-to-faceinteraction.Journalofthe

AmericanAcademyofChild&AdolescentPsychiatry,17,1-13.


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Appendix:

EnactmentExample

Counselor:Jane,whenTominterruptedyou,yousaidsomethingsarcastic.Whatwasgoingon

foryou?

Jane:IjustfeltupsetthatwhileIwastryingtotellhimtheupdateonmytalkwiththerepairguy

hedidn'tevenhavetimetohearmeout.

Counselor:Youweresharingwithhimandhecouldnoteventaketimetohearyouout.Soyou

saidsomethingsarcastic?

<Janetearsup>

Counselor:Whatwereyoufeeling?

Jane:IjustfeltlikehethoughtIwasstupid,likewhatIhadtosaydidn'tmattermorethanhis

agenda.Iwastalkingtotherepairguyforus.

Counselor:Youfeltlikeheputdownwhatyouhadtosay.Likeitwasstupid,rightwhenyou

weretryingsohardtobehelpfultohim.Thatwouldreallyhurt....Ouch,nowonderyousaid

somethingsarcastic.

Counselor:Tom,whatgoesonforyouwhenyouhearthatJanefeltstupidtoyou,rightwhen

shewastryingsohardtobehelpfultoyou?

Tom:Ihadnoideathatwashowshefelt.Ineverwouldhavewantedhertofeelthatway.

<JessesensesthatitissafeforJanetoshare>

Counselor:Jane,canyouturntoTomandtellhimhowyoufeltlikeyourideasdidn'tmatterto

him,rightwhenyouweretryingsohardtohelp....


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ACM103:

WeNeedtoTalk:SuccessfullyNavigatingConflict

LindaMintle,Ph.D.


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Summary

Learnwhyconflict isapartofallhealthyrelationshipsandhowhealthyconflictcanbringyou

closer to those you care for deeply. Dr. Mintle discusses the relationship between conflict

resolutionandtrust,thesixconflictstyles,andsixstepstoworkingthroughaconflict.

LearningObjectives

1. Participantswillexplorethefoundationsandrootsofinterpersonalconflictstyles.

2. Participantswilldiscover thesix stylesofconflictandhowtobestaddress thesestyles

withclients.

3. Participantswillexamineconflictstylesfromabiblicalperspective.


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I. WeNeedtoTalk

A. NormalizeConflict

1. Conflictisapartofeveryrelationship

2. Dealingwithconflictisoneofthemostimportantlifeskillsthatyoucandevelop.

B. DealingwithConflict

1. Learnedinyouroriginalfamily

2. Learnedoutofourexperiences

3. Goodconflictresolutionisbasedontrust

C. UnderstandingInsecurity

1. Learnedinchildhood

2. Securepeoplehavelowavoidanceofconflict

3. Insecurepeoplehaveanxietyoverconflict

4. FindyouridentityinGodratherthanpeople.

5. UnderstandyouridentityinChrist

• John10:28-30

• Psalm139:2

• Psalm37:4


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II. SixStylesofConflict

A. Avoider

1. Avoidsconflict

2. Preferstominimizeandsmoothoverissues

B. Reactor

1. Lovestoargue

2. Passionateandintense

C. Negotiator

1. Calmandrational

2. Compromise

D. Hostile

1. Defensive

2. Notahealthyconflictstyle

E. Competitive1. Harmfulstyle

2. Doesnotbuildsafetyandtrust


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F. Accommodating

1. Agreeable

2. Concedesduringconflict

III. BiblicalPerspective

A. IsConflictBiblical?

1. Matthew18:15-17

2. AvoidingconflictisnotwhattheBibleinstructs

B. SixStepstoMakingPeace

1. Whenthereisconflict,startwithprayer

2. Don’twait–makethefirstmove

3. Listenfirstandtrytounderstandtheperspectiveoftheotherperson

4. Takeresponsibility

5. Speakthetruthinlove

6. Workonsolutions,notfixingtheotherperson

IV. Conclusion–Ephesians4:1-3


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Copyright2018LightUniversity

AllRightsReserved.

Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproducedinanyformwithouttheexpressedwritten

permissionofLightUniversityortheAmericanAssociationofChristianCounselors.

LightUniversity

P.O.Box739

Forest,VA24551

MemberServices:1-800-526-8673

attachment and communication in marriage 2...welcome to light university and the “attachment and...

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