barbershop preston (2008)

7/26/2019 Barbershop Preston (2008)

1/12

PRESTON

WORLD EXCLUSIVE

HAILKINGTERRY


2/12

TERRY

Welcome to the second edition of Barbershop, your

community magazine. In this edition we focus on

Schizophrenia and aim to bust some of the myths

that surround this mental health problem.

We have brought together mental health

practitioners who look to improve the quality of life

of those who have this mental illness. In contrast

to widespread belief, Schizophrenia is not a split

personality, and those who are living with the illnessdo not need to be conned to the house, hospital or

be imprisoned.

There are lots of different views about why people

develop the condition but its cause is more likely

to be due to a combination of different factors

including genetic and environmental ones.

Approximately one in a hundred people will

experience schizophrenia in their life-time. Although

it affects men and women, men are more likely to

develop the condition earlier on in life. Regardless of

gender, schizophrenia can have a disruptive effect

on those who have it as well as their friends and

family.

Despite the impact Schizophrenia may have, this

edition of Barbershop will highlight the fact that with

access to ongoing support and appropriate medical

treatment, having Schizophrenia should not stop

people leading a fullling life.

Stephen Lewis

from the editor

Barbershop The Magazine

Editorial Director ///Tony Roberts

Operations Director ///Tyrone King

Creative Director ///Chris Mason

Email [email protected]: www.colourmind.co.uk

Barbershop Birmingham

Project Manager ///Stephen Lewis

Editorial Board

Stephen Lewis, Angela Simmonds,

Terry Rigby, Patrick Kwesiga, Monique

Rosemond, Niki McGrath, Sarah Clee.

ContributorsAngela Simmonds, Stephen Lewis,

Kafilla Noorin, Tony Roberts, Ibrar

Uddin, Hardev Malhi, Uroy Kelly,

Michelle Bhalroo, Elian Lucas, James

Pogson, Marcus Fletcher, Dawn

Reid, Darren Williams, John Mayer,Jason Dwyer, Carl Gifillian, Monique

Rosemond, Marcus Fletcher, Nasreen

Akhtar

Comic Artwork ///Mark Anderson

Photography

Anthony McFarlane, Darren Leopold

Williams, Ibrar Uddin, Jason Dwyer,

Angela Simmonds, Tony Roberts,

Chris Mason

Thanks to

Terry Rigby, Ken Jackson, Davy Hay,

Habz, Darius, Caron Thompson,

Mohammed Ashfaq, Saghir Ulhaq,

Elian Lucas, Marcus Fletcher, CarlGifillian, South Birmingham Primary

Care Trust, Birmingham East and

North Primary Care Trust, Heart of

Birmingham Primary Care Trust,

Midland Heart Housing Association,Ashram Housing Association, Patti Gift

Therapy, KIKIT Project,

Servol Community Trust.

Special Thanks to

Terry Rigby, Cherry Dale, TonyRoberts, Tyrone King, Tony Merry,

Angela Simmonds, Julia Cave, H.M.PShrewsbury, Jean Tompkins, Metrics

Barbershop, Habz Barbershop.

Contact Info:

Stephen Lewis, Ashram Housing

Association, Fairgate House, 2nd Floor,

205 Kings Road, Tyseley, Birmingham

B11 2AA. Tel 0121-764-3818

Signposts....................................................................sometimes nding the right support can be like nding the right turning onSpaghetti Junction. So we put together a handy guide

Unlocking the Community......................................Us men are useless when it comes to our health. So we askeda woman to help sort us out.

Not Jeckyl or Hyde..................................................Most people think that schizophrenia is plit personality. But thats a myth.

We talked to two experts to get the facts straight.

Kicking It ...................................................................Just handing out methadone scripts to heroin addicts is never goingto work in the long term. We get into the heart of the community tond out what really works.

Love is the Drug......................................................Youre more likely to live longer and healthier if you have good lovingrelationships. As Saghir Ubhar know only too well.

Jordans Choice ................................................................................................................

Faced with medication side effects or a life in and out of hospital,Jordan faces some tough decisions in our new comic strip

Lion Kings ..........................................................................................................................Rastafarianism is about more than smoking spliffs and lying in hammocks.

Honour Bound...................................................................................................................Black people are not, on the whole, mentally well says Davy Hey. Discuss.

40 Shades of Green..........................................................................................................St Patricks Day saw Birmingham awash in green as people celebrated Irelands patron saint.

How Much?.......................................................................................................................With Economic Armageddon on the horizon, theres not a lot to laugh about. But we can try.

Prison Break .......................................................................................................................One prisoner explains how two hours with his family made the prison walls disappear.

State of Confusion.............................................................................................................Cannabis is legal right? No. It isnt. But it would help if the government would make its bloody mind up.

Friends in Low Places........................................................................................................Bipolar disorders are not just about good days and bad days. Its far more extreme.

Elian Lucas gives the low down on his balancing act.

Da Mans Dem ....................................................................................................................Metrics barbers on Dudley Road is more than just a place to get your haircut. With a pool table,

music and a gym it is a proper community centreFrom the Barbers Chair....................................................................................................Habz has been on Alum Rock Road for years. So its not surprising that hes got a thing ortwo to say about the health of the community.

Beats, Lyrics and Life........................................................................................................Local rapper Marcus Fletcher, aka Mike Dangerous talks to Barbershop about how thebeat keeps him going.

Poem.....................................................................................................................................by Carl Gillifan

Miss Lous Kitchen.............................................................................................................Tasty Saltsh Fritters are on the Barbershop menu.

Barbershop Launch...........................................................................................................Pictures from the launch of Barbershop Birmingham at The Drum.

28 BARBERSHOPBIRMINGHAM BARBERSHOPBIRMINGHAM29


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from thebarbers chair

during busy times.

What is the age and ethnicity of most of your

customers?

All sorts! I get Asians, White, Black, Chinese, eastern

European. I also get a lot of students, with the

college being quite close. I have customers from 0 to

over 60s. For newborns, disabled and people who

are sick I also do home visits.

You must make a lot of money shaving Asian

babies heads?

Thats good business! For an adult we charge a ver,

but a baby its ten pounds.

What kind of issues do men mostly talk about?

People talk about everything. Families, kids, football,

cricket, politics, family problems, credit crunch and

recession!

What does mental health mean to you?

When people have problems. And when people get

stressed from their missus!

What are you trying to say, all men are stressed

because of their wives?

No, but most of them! No, but if you have

problems at home, outside, workplace slowly, slowly

you become mentally ill PAGAL! When you are on

your own, you get depression. When youre mentally

ill, you just cant talk to people, cant socialise,

and cant work because your head is not thinking

straight. These days, when kids take drugs it affects

their mental health.

So many young lads are losing their hair and that

is really depressing for them! They come to me for

advice, but I dont know what to say, shave it off or

get treatment for hair plantation.

Youve got a lot of hair

Ive got plenty, I use a lo t of gel every single day, but

Im still ok!

Do you see any customers who have mental

health issues?

Yes, there are a few who, you know, has 10p less

(pointing to his head). Some people come to the

shop and ask me if they need a haircut? Im a

barber to cut hair. I just do what they say!

Why do you think men dont access health

services?

Waiting time! Doctors make you wait for ages! Or

if you ring for an appointment by the time they give

you an appointment youre better, theres no point.

How do you think men deal with stress?

Men just ignore everything and carry on! Or if

theyve got a problem they deal with it and nd a

solution.

How do you and men you know keep healthy?

I go to the gym and go running. People play sport

or some just dont do anything.

What did you think of the Barbershop Cup last

year?

Last year we had 12 teams. All customers who

went said they enjoyed it and had a good day out.

Have you had a good response for the

Barbershop Cup 09?

Yes! Weve ran out of applications, everybodys

been asking and theyre really looking forward to it.

Do you think youre teams have a good chance of

winning?

Denitely! Last year we were runners up, but this

year we are hoping to win! The cup will sit nicely on

my glass shelf.

AL-JUBAILS BARBERS HAS BEEN IN PRESTONFOR 10 YEARS. HAJ WENT DOWN TO TALK TOOWNER RIZWAN ASLAM ABOUT EVERYTHINGFROM CUTTING HAIR TO FOOTBALL

28 BARBERSHOPPRESTON

Where does the name Al_jubails come from?

Al-Jubail is a city on the Persian Gulf coast in Saudi

Arabia. I used to live there with my dad. We have 7

barbershops there, 3 of which are called Al-Jubail.

This is a franchise.

Were you there during the Gulf War in 1991?

Yes, during the war for a few weeks we went to

Mecca for safety and then came back. Life carried

on as normal. We werent scared, we just lived

normally.

What are the barbers shops like in Saudi?

Very posh! Sofas, relaxing atmosphere, we have

very rich customers. The chairs in this shop are from

Saudi.

At what age did you start barbering?

At the age of 20.

Do you enjoy your job?

Yes. I enjoy it more than Saudi, youve got freedom

here. Over there you cant do anything. There

wouldnt be any women coming into barbers shops!

How many people work at your shop?

I run the shop on my own, but I get few exi helpers

FROM THE BARBERS CHAIR

BARBERSHOPPRESTON28


4/12

Standing Up

Rastafarianism is a religious-cultural

movement that began in the

1930s. It started in Ethiopia during

the coronation of the His Imperial

Majesty, Prince Haile Selassie I

on November 2, 1930. This wasno ordinary event because a year

earlier Marcus Mossiah Garvey had

a prophetic vision, of a king being

crowned in Africa.

Rastafarianism is known as the

religion of the poorer black people of

Jamaica. It is not only a religion but

also a way of life, and a stand against

poverty, oppression and inequality

of religious ideas as well as global

problems.

Out of Africa

Rastafarians believe that Haile

Selassie, also known as Ras Tafari

Makonnen, the last emperor ofEthiopia, is the Messiah. After his

coronation, several people searched

the Bible for conrmation of this and

found in the Psalms: A Prince shall

come out of Egypt, and Ethiopia shall

soon stretch out her hand unto Jah.

They believed the prophecy had been

fullled and these people were the

rst Rastafarians. There are now over

1 million Rastafarians worldwide.

Apart from carrying the legal title

King of Kings, Lord of Lords,

conquering Lion of the tribe of

Judah that is written in Revelations;

Haile Selassie is thought to be the

225th descendant of King Salomon,

son of David, and the Queen of

Sheba.

Traditions

Like any religion, Rastafarisum has its

own traditions

Dreadlocks have several meanings.

First, they are a part of the biblical

Nazarene vow, who forbids shavenand combed hair. (It is not the

dreadlocks that make someone a

Rastaman, as some Rastas dont

wear dreadlocks).

The locks, because of their

appearance, symbolize the roots

of the man, and his spirituality, the

connection with Jah. They can also

be seen as a symbol of the Lion.

Ganja - also known as hemp,

cannabis, or marijuana - is used as

a holy sacrament by Rastas in many

ways. The legend says that the Holy

Herb was found growing on King

Solomons grave.

Rasta ag. The red, gold and green

are the colours of the Rasta ag. The

red symbolizes the blood of black

people, the yellow the stolen gold

and the green the lost lands of Africa.

The Star of David is the symbol of

the link between His Imperial Majesty

Haile Selassie and King David. Also,

Rastas consider themselves like the

Israelites in exile in Babylon. The Star

of David is the symbol of Israel.

The Conquering Lion and the Lamb.

They both symbolize HIM Haile

Selassie according to the Revelations

and the opening of the seven seals.

They are two faces of a same reality,

the Alpha and Omega.

God is Black

The base of Rastafarian belief is

that Haile Selassie is the living

representative of God for the black

race. Ethiopia is believed to be

Rastas heaven on earth, where

there is no afterlife or hell. And thatJah (God) will send sign and help the

black exodus back to Africa.

Rastafarians use the same Bible as

Christians, with special reference to

the books of Genesis, Kings, Psalms

and Revelations. His Imperial Majesty

Haile Selassie also released a

version of the Bible based on ancient

Ethiopian scriptures.

When He died in 1975, his death was

not accepted by some Rastafarians

who could not accept that God

incarnate could die. Many believe

that it was a scam and that he will be

back to liberate his followers.

MENTION THE WORD RASTA, AND MOSTPEOPLE WILL PICTURE A STONED OUT JAMAICAN,LOUNGING ON A BEACH, STARING OUT ON THEOCEAN WITH A FOOT-LONG SPLIFF IN HIS MOUTH.HOWEVER, THERE IS MORE TO RASTAFARIANISM THAN

HAMMOCKS AND DREADLOCKS, AS BARBERSHOPSANGELA SIMMONDS EXPLAINS.

The Lion Kings


KING OF KINGS,

LORD OF LORDS,

CONQUERING

LION OF THE

TRIBE OF JUDAH


5/12

THE REAL HEROES

OF TODAY ARE THE

PEOPLE WHO GO ABOUT

THEIR MUNDANE LIVESWITH A LONG LIST OF

BROKEN DREAMS AND

AMBITIONS

nomoreheroes

The modern day hero is a fucking disgrace. Petty

tabloid squabbles and the need for that precious 15

minutes of fame has destroyed the very ideals of

what a hero should be.

Todays youth are forced to acknowledge the heroes

of the past, rather than embrace the heroes of

today. And why is this? Quite simply, because therearent any.

Cult Icon

Cassius Clay is revered for being, arguably, the

greatest boxer of all time. But it was his actions out

of the ring that made him the cult icon that he was.

After changing his name and publicly declaring that

he had joined the Nation of Islam, Ali refused to go

to war in Vietnam. I aint got no quarrel with them

Viet Cong, he said.They never called me a nigger.

Had anyone else said that, the media would have

lambasted, harassed and victimised them. But

because it was Ali - because of his status - he

began to raise awareness in an America that

was blinded by censorship and ignorance. His

willingness to stand up for something he believed in

made him a Hero to millions.

TalismanThe same can be said of Nelson Mandela. The man

spent 27 years of his life imprisoned for resisting

the governments violence against his people. All he

(and others) wanted was for the Apartheid to come

to an end. For black people to be treated in the

same manner as whites.

With the luxury of hindsight, it is easy for us to hail

Mandela as the one person who brought about the

change in attitude towards black people. He wasnt.

But he was much more: He became a talisman. He

became the face of the black nation of South Africa.

He was an idol, and his imprisonment fuelled the

hope of others. Like Ali, he was willing to sacrice

himself for the benet of others. This makes him,

arguably, the greatest Hero to ever walk the planet.

Fast-forward to today, however, and the label of

Hero has been dragged through the dirt. To label

someone like Katie Price a Hero is quite honestly

abysmal. It is akin to dancing on John Lennons

grave, screaming racist slurs about Martin Luther

King. To associate the word Hero with anyone

who walks out of the Big Brother house is a crying

shame, and anyone who does so should be shot. In

the face.

Misplaced Admirations

So who is my Hero, you may ask? Well, as a young

child, my hero was Steve McManaman. He was

an enigmatic right-winger with a passion for direct,

attacking football. He is also (for my sins) the reason

why I am a diehard supporter of Liverpool Football

Club.

But as I grew up and matured (many would argue

otherwise) it quickly became apparent that having

a footballer as a hero was a mistake. That I had

misplaced my admirations.

This ultimately leaves people like me without a hero.

Were forced to look elsewhere. To nd someone

who can both excite us, and make us question

the very boundaries we set for our own lives. Theiractions, unbeknownst to them, shape our own.

Everyday Heroes

So where does this leave the youth of today?

With a hell of a lot to accomplish, Id say. They

have to become the new breed of Heroes. Theyre

going to have to draw inspiration from the real

heroes of today the people who go about their

mundane lives with a long list of broken dreams and

ambitions. The people who, even though they arent

happy with the way their lives have turned out, are

willing to carry on if it means that their children are

fed and happy.

It is easy for us to criticise, and it is easy for us to

heap praise on the people who dont deserve it. But

it is the people who dont get the recognition they

deserve that are the ones that we should be basing

our actions off.

Sure, its easy to follow someone in the media

limelight. But the real heroes are the ones behind

the scenes. The parents of the heroes. The very

people who have shaped the lives of the people

who we believe are important enough to base our

own lives off of.

So who is my hero today? Simple I am. Whatever

happens, I will always be there for the people

that need me. The denition of a Hero may have

changed since the days of Lennon and Ali, but the

message remains the same: Fight for what you

believe in.


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NO MORE HEROES


6/12

During my sentence, I learned how

to do graphic design and achieved

quite a lot, winning exhibitions and

doing work for the prison. The

governor built a graphic design

department around me and a couple

of other lads.

For me, prison wasnt like prison. It

was like working away from home. I

went to work in the morning, doing

design for three prisons. Governors

and prison ofcers would phone and

come to see me all day with new

work.

Normality

This meant I maintained a sense of

normality. I was quite highly paid for

a prisoner and some governors paid

me in contraband like cigarettes,

coffee and chocolate. Then, in the

evening I went back to the wing and

theyll be talking about things I dont

have a clue about and its hard to join

in. I struggled on with it for a while,

then at Christmas I explained this to

my family and they try their hardest to

make me feel included.

Socialising with old friends is

difcult. I cant associate with a lot

of my old mates because of their

criminal activities. I cant afford to be

remanded for phoning them.

Other people I knew before I got

nicked dont seem to want to be

around me anymore. They knew

what I did but I guess when I got

caught it all became a bit too real. It

just conrms that when the shit hits

the fan, your true friends take it with

you.

Genesis

In September last year, I enrolled

in a business start up course

to get my design business -

Genesis2Revolution off the ground.

I couldnt believe it, everything I

worked for whilst I was in prison had

nally come together.

The business covers all aspects of

commercial design, in print or on the

web. So whether a client wants a

quick ier or a complete corporate

identity with logos, website,

business cards, letterheads and

catalogues etc - I can see the job

through from beginning to end.

The works coming in, but its slow.

This is thanks in part to HMP Kirkam

refusing to me copies of the designs

I did for them whilst inside. How can

they expect anybody else to give

ex cons a chance when theyre not

prepared to do so themselves?

Satisfaction

Years of being a manager in the

hospitality industry have taught me

how to keep hold of customers

and keep them happy. Its hard

at the moment, working 18 hour

days sometimes just trying to get a

potential client to come over to my

business. And you dont get paid for

those hours. But dont get me wrong,

its all worth it the moment one of

them says yes.

In some ways, getting sent down was

the best thing that ever happened to

me. Ive always had great, well-paid

jobs with the extra cash from the

drugs. But none of that compares

with the satisfaction I get from

working for myself. Id never be doing

this if I hadnt been sent to prison. Its

all there if you push hard enough for it.

had a crack with the lads. It was just

like working away from home.

Because of this, some of the lads

were a bit funny with me but f*ck

em, I wasnt going to be like them.

Ive been employed at a managerial

level since I was 18, so I had plenty

of experience of running a business.

And if you think about it, the dealing

was a business so you can add 13

years of that as well.

Life on the Outside

I was released from prison on the

23rd of July last year. I spent the rst

couple of months rebuilding links with

my family. The hardest thing for me

to get used to is being around my

family. Their lives have moved on and

Ive missed out on so much. I feel like

an outsider some times.

We get together as a family and

pixelpusher

NO MORE HEROES


7/12

Old to New

My old life feels like somebody elses

sometimes. Im not that person

anymore. Dont get me wrong, I like

my new quiet life. Ive always worked

hard (it helps me ght my depression,

Im bipolar) and business is really

rewarding.

But the old life is hard to replace. The

big difference is that I can let people

know about this business. When

youre dealing, youre trying to keep

the amount of people you deal with

to a minimum, to minimises the risk).

But youve got to keep the people

that put out for you (customers)

sweet.

I learned early in my criminal career

never to be late with payment. In

the business Im in now if Im late

paying for something Ill get a few

polite but shitty letters informing me

of the potential consequences of non

payment. Thats a world away from

the steroid crazed enforcer with a

9mm who I always managed to avoid

by paying on time.

Crossover

Theres a crossover between being a

criminal and being an entrepreneur,

youd be surprised how similar the

mindset is. Its just a pity some of the

young lads that are working their way

up the criminal ladder dont realise

that theyre on a hiding to nothing.

Crime is now a mugs game. Theres

no loyalty anymore. The same people

you class as mates are probably

the ones thatll send you down.

If youre a criminal now, you cant

trust anybody and thats a lonely life,

believe me.

They need to see that their criminal

skills can earn them legitimate cash.

That they can spend freely, without

attracting police attention. Its all

there - the ability to read people,

supply and demand, market research,

working under pressure, cash ow,

customer services and dealing with

suppliers.

None of what Im doing would be

possible without my girlfriend. She

puts up with me when my mood

drops, she calms me when I get a bit

manic, she stood by me whilst I was

inside even though I told her to walk,

and she works hard round the house

so I can concentrate on the business.

She makes my life better in every way.

NO MORE HEROES

IF IM LATE PAYING FOR

SOMETHING, ILL GET A FEW POLITE

BUT SHITTY LETTERS. THATS A

WORLD AWAY FROM THE STEROID

CRAZED ENFORCER WITH A 9MM

WE ALL NEED TO GETTHINGS OFF OUR CHESTS

AT TIMES. SO IF YOUNEED SOME ADVICE,INFORMATION OR JUSTA POINTER IN THE RIGHTDIRECTION, PICK UP THEPHONE OR GO ONLINE.

SIGNPOSTS

Benet Enquiry Line

Free condential helpline giving general advice

and information about benets to people with

disabilities, carers or representatives

0800 88 22 00 (Freephone)

Monday - Friday- 8.30am - 6.30pm

Saturday9am- 1pm

www.direct.gov.uk

Samaritans

Condential 24 hour telephone and email service

giving emotional support to those going through a

crisis.

08457 90 90 90(national number)

08457 90 91 92(Textphones for the deaf and hard of hearing)

01772 822022 (local number)

Open

Call in 11am 9pm Mon to Sat

11 ST WILFRID STREET, PRESTON, LANCS, PR1 2US

[email protected]

www.samaritans.org

HopelineUK

HOPELineUK is a condential helpline service

staffed by trained professionals who can give

support, practical advice and information to

anyone concerned that a young person theyknow may be at risk of harming themselves.

08000 68 41 41 (Freephone)

Monday to friday- 10am - 5pm, 7pm - 10pm

Satday and Sunday- 2pm - 5pm

www.papyrus-uk.org

NHS Direct

Not just a telephone health line, NHS Direct also

offers out of hours support for GPs and dental

services, telephone support for patients with long-

term conditions, pre and post operative support for

patients, 24 hour response to health scares, and

remote clinics via telephone.

0800 88 22 00 (Freephone)

24 hours, 365 days a year

http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk

Everything you need to know about local support

services, all in one place

0500 639 000(Freephone)

Monday to Friday - 7pm - 11pm

Saturday & Sunday-12 noon to 12 midnight.

www.lancs-mentalhealthhelpline.nhs.uk

Lancashire Mental Health Helpline

MIND

Information and advice about all manner of things

relating to mental health.

0845 766 0163

Monday to Friday - 9am to 5pm

[email protected]

www.mind.org.uk

Lancashire Care NHS Foundation Trust

Specialist NHS mental health services for the people

of Lancashire.

01772 695300 (general enquiries)

01772 773400(local services)

http://www.lancashirecare.nhs.uk


8/12

ITS STEEP, ITS COLD, AND THERE

IS FUCK ALL UP HERE!

and some litter.

Q3 ///How many Black people

have swum the English Channel?

Again, none. Why? Because it is too

fucking cold and there are t hings

called boats and planes that do

it much better than us. And dont

forget that old myth that Black

people dont swim because they

have heavy bones.

Bananas

Like many of my friends who are in

their late 30s early 40s, I dont eat

bananas in public. This is due to

the fact that, back in the day, only

Tarzans monkeys ate bananas.

Research has proven that just two

bananas provide enough energy for

a strenuous 90-minute workout. No

wonder the banana is the number

one fruit with the worlds leading

athletes. But I am still not eating one

in public.

Think Again

I hope that you have found the

beginning of the article amusing,

Celebrity Handbags

Another argument sorry,

discussion. Madonna and Angelina

Jolie. People are up in arms, because

these A list celebrates are adopting

poor Black children. I say good on

them.

Lets be honest. If youre in an

orphanage, its because no one

wants you. Your life expectation is

crap. And if good old Madonna or

Angelina Jolie came and wanted to

take you away, would you not go?

Damn right you would.

Celebrity handbag, but not a throw

away hand bag. Who give a shit?

As long as that child is given love,

support and a chance of a better life,

thats what should matter.

The fact is that Madonna, Angelina

Jolie and pretty boy Brad Pitt have

not only invested in t he children

that they have adopted. They have

supported the communities these

children have come from - building

homes and hospitals - something

these communities would never have

had the opportunity do before.

Respect Due

I have heard people talk about

whether Madonna can teach these

children about their culture. But I

thought to myself, the only culture

these children have right now is

poverty and hunger.

I also hear people saying she should

adopt children from America where

she is from. To me, this is just some

sort of code saying that she should

only adopt little white babies that look

like her.

Yes, I agree that Madonna should

pack up doing music and just grow

old gracefully. However, I think

Madonna, Angelina Jolie or anyone

else who has the compassion, the

love and the heart to raise a child that

is not their own should be applauded

not be made to feel like they are

trying to purchase Gucci bags

illegally from another country and sell

them cheaper in this country.

Madonna Respect Due!

No Limits

I started the piece talking about the

Olympics so I think that is where I will

end. The most decorated athlete from

the Beijing Olympics was ipper the

swimmer Michael Phelps, who won

an amazing eight gold medals.

But who is Cullen Jones? Well, hes

also a swimmer and he won a gold

medal in the 4x100m freestyle relay

in a world record t ime. And! Guess

what? He is Black!

Some people used to say Black

people dont play golf. Now there

is Tiger Woods. I, like many other

people, used to say that there would

never be a Black president of the

USA. Now we have Obama.

So really the point is that there is

nothing you cant do, whether youre

Black, white , green, red, pinkish,

brownish, olive with hint orange, blue,

purple, WHATEVER!!!!! Just give it a

try. Who knows, that action just might

save someones life or even change

the world.

but now I want to tell you about

something that is serious. Organ

donation. Many Black people think

that organ donation doesnt affect

them.

Think again. Why? Because, as

Black people, we are three times

more likely to need a kidney

transplant than the rest of the

population. Thats because we are

at greater risk of diabetes and high

blood pressure and these are a

major cause of organ failure.

The fact is that donated organs

need to be carefully matched to

the recipient to ensure blood and

tissue groups are compatible. But

there is a serious shortage of Black

donors. As a result, Black people

have to wait on average about twice

as long as a white person for a

kidney transplant. Right now over

620 Black people in the UK, some

of them small children are waiting

for a transplant. Some them will die

waiting. Thats denitely not funny.

While watching the 2008 Beijing

Olympics I like the rest of the world

was fascinated by the success of

Usain Bolt the 100 metre and 200

world champion. His grace and

speed was a pure joy to watch to

me the star of the Olympics, but

it also got me thinking about what

Black people dont do.

It is often said that Black people are

fast runners because it is in their

genes. I suggest that this training

started way back in the days of

slavery, when running away from the

those that tried to catch them was

a form of survival training. Or in my

youth, being chased by a bunch of

ag waving skinheads kept me t.

So let me pose to you a series of

questions!

Q1 ///Who is Cullen Jones?

Q2 ///Mountain climbing. Can any

of you think of any Black person

who has climbed Mount Everest?

Answer. None. Why? Because its

steep, bloody freezing and there is

fuck all up there apart from snow


9/12

what women want?DOES YOUR BIRD DO THE FOLLOWING?/// WANT TO TALK WHEN MATCH OF THE DAY IS ON?

///GIVE YOU THE HUFF WHEN YOURE 5 MINUTES LATE

AND MAKE IT OUT THAT YOURE LATER THAN YOU

ACTUALLY ARE?

///GET ANNOYED WHEN YOU HAVENT GIVEN HER ANY

ATTENTION IN THE LAST HALF HOUR, THEN SAY,

YOURE GETTING BORED OF ME ARENT YOU?

/// QUESTION EVERY GIRL IN YOUR PHONEBOOK?

28 BARBERSHOPPRESTON

We dont know about you, but women confuse the

shit out of us. So we thought wed ask one to help

us out. Laura Molloy spills the beans on how to

keep your missus sweet.

We just like to keep you men on your toes. Really,

we do this for many reasons down to insecurities,

jealousy, wanting to be reminded that we look good,

or generally just to test you. YES we do test and

usually most of the time.

Most women dream of being treated like a princess

- wined and dined and, in our boyfriends eyes,

a sex goddess. I know you lads arent all that

romantic so just try your best, a compliment here

and there every now and again should keep her

smiling. Us birds are mostly happy when we know

that we are the centre of your lives.

Tell her that the way shes done her hair looks

nice or you like the colour of her nails. If you pick

a small detail it will appeal to her more because it

means you havent just pointed out the obvious.

Never make a big deal out of the fact youve just

complimented her, because this then leaves her

thinking yay hes noticed. Rather than fucks sake

he never notices.

Its not always the big things that you have to do

to make girls happy, its the smaller things that you

have thought a lot about. By the smaller things I

dont mean crap chat up lines, I mean make her

a meal or buy her a bunch of owers. Cmon lads

theyre only 3.00 from the local garage.

Send a nice txt, even you guys can string a few

gooey words together. Or if you feel that its too

soon for love texts, then just send her a text saying

something sweet like you cant wait to see her

tonight. We love to know we are on your minds

instead of the big boobed babe on the front of the

latest ZOO!

SURPRISES!! Women love surprises, owers,

chocolates, meals, candles, joint baths, planned

alone time, massages, going out etc. Its not hard to

run a bath, light a few candles and share the bath. It

might be uncomfortable and you might not like it but

youre doing it for her, so put a smile on your face

and pretend. She will love that youve done it and

then will surely return the favour, or better

Women are generally needy creatures, you men will

just have to accept it. If you follow these guidelines

shes sure to be putty in your hands!!


10/12

The Flat Earthers claim that the earth

is disc-shaped. They say our planet

is 78,225 miles around the edge,

and 24,900 miles across. The North

Pole is at the centre. Around the rim

is a 150-foot-high wall of ice which

nobody has ever crossed. This ice

wall is south and, handily, preventswater and everything else from falling

off the edge.

So, why have none of us ever seen

this ice wall? Well, they claim it has

been concealed from the public by

an elaborate government conspiracy

and thousands of supersoldiers to

keep ordinary folk from getting close

to it.

Because of the Ice Wall, there is

obviously no South Pole, which will

upset the descendents of Scott of

the Antarctic who, it seems, died for

nothing.

Uphill Struggle

Contrary to popular opinion, medieval

people didnt believed the world tobe at. The Greeks knew the Earth

was a globe and even made accurate

calculations of the Earths global

circumference.

The whole Flat Earth thing really

kicked off in the 1800s, when

some dude called Samuel Birley

Rowbotham toured the country

lecturing on his Flat Earth theory.

He dazzled audiences with his

arguments that Earth was actually

a stationary disc, with the Sun

only 400 miles from London. The

disappearance of ships over the

horizon was, he said, just a trick of

the light.

The round Earth, he reckoned, was

just an unproven theory - a sinisterconspiracy by a bunch of mad

scientists, Hell-bent on undermining

Christian faith.

For its part, the Bible offers little to

help to the aspring at-Earther. But

that doesnt stop them trying.

The Flat Earth Liberation Front

Against Television say on their

website, Eve (the worlds free

markets) is tempted with an apple

(spherical Earth) by a talking snake

(wireless telecommunications).

It would be hard to imagine, they

explain, a more obvious explanation

of our at worlds tragic history of

corrupting spherization. Nutters. The

lot of them.

Earth Rise

If anything was going to kick Flat

Earth theories into touch, then itwould be the Apollo space missions

and, especially, the famous Earthrise

photograph. Not so.

The Flat-Earthers maintain - nay,

obsessively insist that the whole

Earthrise photo thing is a scam to

hide the reality that the planet is, in

fact, at. They think the image is fake

and part of a worldwide conspiracy

by space agencies, governments and

scientists.

NASA, they insist, did not send

rockets into space. Instead, NASA

spent the money on developing

computers and imaging software to

cover their lies. Their lies, in turn, are

to cover up their various shenanigansfor nancial gain, as James McIntyre,

a British moderator of a Flat Earth

Society forum, explains:

The space agencies of the world

are involved in an international

conspiracy to dupe the public for

vast prot. Although, if he knows

how NASA makes such vast prots

from their lies, he didnt say.

Mr McIntyre describes himself as

having been raised a globularist in

the British state school system. He

says the reactions of his friends and

family to his beliefs vary from sheer

incredulity to the conviction that its

all just an elaborate joke.

Proudly Prejudiced

People are denitely prejudiced

against Flat-Earthers, says John

Davis, a Flat Earth theorist from

Tennessee. Many use the term Flat-

Earther as a term of abuse, implying

blind faith, ignorance or even anti-intellectualism.

Mr Davis, a computer scientist,

believes the Earth is at and

horizontally innite - it stretches

horizontally forever. And it is 9,000

kilometres thick.

So, why do people persist in

thinking the Earth is at in the face of

substantial evidence to the contrary?

Is it all an elaborate hoax?

Burden of Proof

How many of us can give a scientic

explanation of why the Earth is a

globe and not at? Do we possess

enough knowledge to assess

accurately what scientists tell us

about the nature of the world?On some basic level, of course, a Flat

Earth makes sense. Our beliefs reect

a struggle between what we are told

about the natural world (that the Earth

is spherical), and the experience of

our senses (that the world is at). If

you walk outside, the earth certainly

doesnt look round.

Its always good to question how we

know what we know, but its also

good to have the ability to accept

compelling evidence - such as the

photographs of Earth from space.

http://www.thefatearthsociety.org/

forum/

mad worldSURPRISINGLY, THERE ARE A STILL A LOT OFPEOPLE WHO BELIEVE, TO THIS DAY, THAT THEEARTH IS FLAT. AND THEYRE NOT MESSING ABOUT.THE FLAT EARTH SOCIETY LAUGH AT PHOTOGRAPHS OF OURPLANET FROM SPACE AND SPIT ON SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE. THE

REST OF US, THEY CLAIM, ARE POOR, MISGUIDED FOOLS.

Flat Earth Explanations

Q:If the Earth is at, why cant we see over the horizon?

A:Air is not transparent

Q: On a Flat Earth map, it would take 16 hours to y from South America to

New Zealand. Why does it only take 6 hours?

A:Strong winds.

Q:If no one has seen this Ice Wall, how do you know it is there?

A:Because if it wasnt, the seas would drain off the side of the world.


11/12

spank thebanksBY KEVIN RUSHTONWE LIVE IN HARD TIMES. UNLESS YOUREAN MP WITH A MOAT TO CLEAN, YOUREPROBABLY A BIT SKINT. SO HERE ARE 10 TOPTIPS ON KEEPING YOUR HEAD ABOVE WATER

AND SURVIVING THE CREDIT CRUNCH.1///Instead of buying expensive contact lenses, cut

out small circles of cling lm and place them on your

eyes. Problem solved.

2///Get down to DFS and check down the backs

of sofas. Theres an average of 20 quid lost down a

sofa a year, so they must be sat on a gold mine.

3///Petrol costs are ridiculous these days but

who wants to ride the bus? Well, Ive found a great

way to combine the two. Simply follow a bus that

is going to your nal destination and when it stops

jump out and attach a tow rope to the back of it,

hey presto free ride. Either that, or just push your

car to its destination.

4///Carpet costs about 40 quid a square metreand you only use the bit thats under your feet. The

rest of it is just wasted. So simply cut out two small

feet shaped sections and attach them to your feet.

5///If you really want to survive the credit crunch,

you cant afford to waste anything. So, become a

sperm donor. You only get 15 quid a pop but Ive

been earning a grand a week since I was 14.

6///Avoid those nasty 30 nes for using your

mobile whilst driving. Simply put your phone in a

large shell and then pretend youre listening to the

sea whilst cruising in your Punto.

7///Do you know how much it costs just to wipe

your arse each year? Me neither, but I bet its a lot.

So split your toilet paper into two and save.

8///You can boil an egg perfectly without the use of

an expensive egg timer. Just pop an egg in boiling

water and set off from your house at exactly 60

mph. After 3 miles, phone someone and get them to

take it out.

9///Sick of spending loads of money on people

for their birthdays or Christmas? Lighten yourload by simply Tippexing out the names in cards

that you receive and sending them back to them.

If they question you on it say youre saving the

environment.

10///Instead of taking expensive showers, get

down to KFC, grab a load of wet wipes and just give

them a run round the key areas.


12/12

them because I like fantasy and

action. I love the creative storytelling

and the art.

Refrigerators

The reason why boys read more

comic books is like why more boys

watch action movies. The main

character is generally a man, which

allows the boy to relate more to the

character. But cant anyone relate

to a character without the gender of

that character making a difference?

Then again, if the female characters

werent always being stuffed intorefrigerators, maybe more girls

would read comics.

Female characters in comic

books are constantly being badly

represented, constantly being

overpowered by the male characters

because they arent powerful

enough. So they just become sexy

sidekicks.

Boys look up to their superheroes

the same way as anyone looks up to

role models. Its the old saying; boys

want to be him, girls want to be with

stories. Thats to each their own but if

I was suggest a few g ood reads, then

certainly, Death of Captain America is

without doubt one of the best stories

ever told.

Batman: The Laughing Joke is the

amazing comic The Dark Knight

was adapted off, and sure as hell it

is amazing. And of course Ultimate

Spider-Man. For those who like more

gore Venom Vs Carnage is a must

read.

Other comics Ive read are V for

Vendetta and Sin City, and hope to

pick up Alan Moores Watchmensomeday soon. Watchmen is actually

the rst movie to go all out with

female heroes really kicking some

butt, but the movie wasnt a great

success.

Sexism

With comic books such as Wonder-

Woman and Electra being rebooted

the percentage of female comic book

readers should increase immensely.

And now with this Minx run that DC

is writing, more and more women are

entering the business each day. So

the audience will most certainly grow.

A lot of people I talk to agree that

sexism in comics is a problem. If you

go on a superhero forum, the half

dozen guys already on there judge

you straight away. The representation

of women is bad, and it would be

benecial for the industry to have a

few more titles about super heroines.

Girls should be encouraged to read

comics from a young age, much like

boys. Maybe then, the entertainmentindustry would be more welcoming

to women working in it as well as

enjoying it as much as guys do.

him, or at least, girls want to be with

someone like him.

Spin Offs

There are many female superheroes,

Wonder-woman, Super-Woman,

Elecktra, Spider-Woman, Black

Cat, She-Hulk, Silver Sable etc.

the list goes on. But none of them

have managed to hold a decent

run yet either because the female

characters are just a spin off of the

male heroes, or they simply arent

interesting enough.

A damsel in distress! Thats original.How about having normal women,

with extra-ordinary powers like

Spider-Man or Batman? Thats what

I, and a lot of ot her girls want, and

that hasnt been done yet.

Maybe actually give her a bit of esh

so she doesnt look like shell snap

in half if she was real. Relatable.

Thats the one word theyve failed

on when it comes to female heroes.

Clich

People argue that comics nowadays

are full of clichs, and predictable

When boys hear that a girl like me

actually likes reading comic books,

their reaction is normally, What?!

A girl who reads superhero comic

books? Reality News fash: girls DO

read comic books.

I am in my last year of my teenage

life and I t horoughly enjoy reading

any comics from Spider-Man to

Buffy the Vampire Slayer to the

comic strips in this very magazine.

I grew up watching Spider-Man

cartoons when I was very young,

and that was what got me intocomics in the rst place. I loved

watching cartoons and have never

stopped loving the genre.

To be honest, Ive never been one

for female superheroes, but maybe

if there was a decent one, then that

might change my mind. It would

be nice to see a real super heroine

kick a few butts around now and

again, and take down the men a few

notches.

But for me, I dont read comic books

for the female characters. I read

not just aboy thingnot just aboy thing

barbershop preston (2008)

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