Being A WomanBeing Successful

Learning the Game FAPAC 2012 National Training ConferenceApril 30 – May 4, 2012

Atlanta, Georgia Presenter: Oliver C. Allen, Jr.

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Objectives■ Discuss statistics that impact women in the

workforce■ Learn the common mistakes that have

been a trend with women■ Learn how to prepare for the game of work■ Learn how to play the game ■ And whatever you want to talk about

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The Statistics

Know the facts but do not become bound by them!

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The Glass Ceiling is Cracking, but…

■ Significant improvement since 1970■ Ratio of women’s earnings as

compared to men is 81.2% (as of 2011)■ 23.4% of women 23 years old held Bachelor’s

degree compared to 14% of young men■ Stuck at doing service, factory work, farm work &

teaching until the before the slow change during the last century

■ Increased education and experience

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The FactsSource: www.bls.gov

■ Employed Asian women were more likely to work in the higher paying management, professional occupations in 2009 than were employed White, Black, or Hispanic women

■ Forty-seven percent of Asian women worked in managerial and professional jobs compared with 41 percent of White women, 34 percent of Black women, and 25 percent of Hispanic women.

■ Meanwhile, Hispanic (32 percent) and Black (29 percent) women were more likely than White and Asian women to work in service occupations (20 and 21 percent, respectively).

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Educational attainment of young women ages 18 to 23 from 1998 – 2008, percent distribution

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Learn the Game of Men & Win

The Business

Game Manual for Men.

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Common MistakesStop the Madness!

Based on the book Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office 101 by Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D.

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■ It’s a myth that you have to give up your life to have a successful career

■ All work and no play makes for a very dull day and a very dull YOU

Tippy’s Tip

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Common Mistakes■ Ask questions as a safe way of expressing

an idea ♦ Such questions typically take the form of,

“What would you think if we… ?” or “Have you considered… ?”

♦ By asking a question rather than making a statement, women relinquish ownership of and the outcomes for their ideas

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Common Mistakes (cont)■ Don’t know where the imaginary

boundaries are and don’t understanding the unspoken rules

■ Giving lengthy explanations which may cause your audience to mentally checkout

■ Preambles, combined with explanations, are lethal

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Common Mistakes (cont)■ Asking permission ■ Have you ever noticed that men don’t ask

for permission? They ask for forgiveness.■ It’s a variation on asking questions to play

it safe—but potentially more self-defeating

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Common Mistakes (cont)■Women Viewpoint – “If I don’t do it, no

one else will.” This only ensures that you’ll be doing it—and for a long time

■While women are doing the grunt work, men are building their careers. They are no fools

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Common Mistakes (cont)■Working without a break■ Volunteering for low-profile assignments■ Polling for decisions■ Prematurely abandoning career goals■ Don’t keep up with their industry by

reading current and updated information

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Preparing for the Big Game

Game time may mean some pain time but hang in there!

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Game Prep■ Learn the team culture■ Get on the team■ You have to sell yourself■ Wear the right attire even though men don’t have to

♦ Once you are on the team, find your comfort level and style

■ Set your goals♦ IDP is a necessity♦ Mentor is a necessity

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Game Prep - Key Points■ Most women at a disadvantage■ Forced to be more flexible■ Men do not have to use the manual; they

invented the manual■ Men from youth are trained to compete and

win at all cost■ Women are trained to nurture and socialize■ Women wait to be recognized; men don’t

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Game Prep - What is Winning

■ To women it is loving what you do■ To men most often it is contingent upon

material success

What is winning to you?

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Game Prep - The Emotion Factor

■ Men can show emotion and even cry♦ Men figure it must be a good reason for a man to cry♦ Men strive to protect themselves from emotional pain ♦ Men are far more sensitive to being hurt than most women

realize. ♦ Men compartmentalize their emotions to cover a vulnerable

interior that he feels a strong need to protect♦ Unfortunately, this is a major stressor and causes many health

risk for men

■ If women cry it takes on a different meaning to men♦ Men expect women to cry

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Game Prep - The Emotion Factor (cont)Based on the book For Women Only in the Workplace: What You Need to Know About How Men Think at Work by Shaunti

Feldhahn

■ Women compared to a computer may have several windows open simultaneously♦ However, a large percent of women have a

hard time closing down thoughts that nag them

■ A man opens one window at a time. ♦ He works on it, closes it, then opens another ♦ Usually, has no trouble closing out thoughts

that bother him

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If You Decide to Play…■Make your decision from a position of

power rather than weakness■ Know that family may be an obstacle■ Know men usually don’t feel obligated to

stay home■Women tend to not get notice just

because of their good work; must speak out

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If You Decide to Play…(Cont)

■ Do what you love; however, understand the consequences

■ Use your relationship skills to your advantage

■ Remember, its business, not personal for men

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It’s Not Personal (Defined)■ Many women tend to have a holistic view of the

world, one where personal, family, and work matters are all viewed as part of the big picture called life

■ When women are feeling attacked, underappreciated, or disappointed at work, and someone says, “It’s not personal,” that doesn’t speak true to women

■ Men, on the other hand, tend to have a very different view. It is as if they exist in two different worlds: Work World and Personal World

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Tippy’s Timely Tips■ You have to ask for what you want■Men start the game right-away; so should

you■ Remember its just business■ NOTE of Interest: Men act as though they

are in charge even though they are not. Don’t be intimidated

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Tippy’s Timely Tips■ A man will prepare for a subject but does not usually

stress to know everything♦ Will tap dance when he doesn’t know an answer

♦ Will talk loud and long when he doesn’t know an answer

■ Women when they enter the game only have their knowledge to rely on in the beginning ♦ Tend to learn everything they can about a subject

♦ Usually, don’t have to worry about being caught off-guard

♦ However, no one knows everything

♦ Will begin to doubt readiness when she doesn’t know an answer

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Game TimeLets Play!

Tippy’s Tip

Learn to play chess. It will help you develop a more strategic mind. Lois P. Frankel

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Playing the GameBased on the book Play Like a Man; Win Like a Woman by Gail Evans

1. Ask for what you want

2. Speak out

3. Speak up

4. Toot your own horn

5. Don’t expect to make friends

6. Accept uncertainty

7. Take a risk

8. Be an imposter

9. Think small

10. Don’t Anguish (whine)

11. Support the team leader

12. Don’t assume responsibility w/o authority

13. Sit at the table

14. Laugh

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What Men Can Do at Work But You Can’t

Based on the book Play Like a Man; Win Like a Woman by Gail Evans

1. They can cry you can’t2. They can fidget you can’t3. They can yell you can’t4. They can have bad manners you can’t5. They can be ugly you can’t

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Do You Need a Mentor■ Identify a mentor■Must be someone successful playing the

game ■Must be someone you can openly discuss

the rules in your organization■ Learn to play a sport, if you have not

already; it will help you understand the concepts

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What’s In the Rules■Women play it safe and have a tendency to

avoid risks and obey all the rules to the letter and expect others to as well

■Men bend and win■ However, one must remain within the

ethical codes of the organization■ Play the game within bounds, but at the

edges

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Winning Points With the Boss

■ Women focus on work from 9 A.M. - 5 P.M.■ Men take time to talk about football or last

weekend’s golf scores with the boss♦ They are building relationships that will later work for

them ♦ They are bonding with the boss in a way that allows him

(Different w/her) to better know his team members♦ As a result, when growth opportunities became

available, he picked them because he was familiar and comfortable with them

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■ Spend 5 percent of your day building relationships

Tippy’s Tip

Speaking Different Languages(At Home)

Her■ Everyone ignores me

■ No one listens to me anymore

■ We never go out

■ I am so tired. I can’t do anything

■ You don’t love me anymore

Him■ I’m sure some people notice

you

■ But I am listening to you right now

■ That’s not true. We went out last week

■ That’s ridiculous. You are not helpless

■ Of course I do. That’s why I’m here

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Based on the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray, Ph.D.

Speaking Different Languages(At Work)

Leaves Doubt■ It feels like we should…

■ I might…

■ You could consider…

■ One could argue that…

■ I was thinking…

More Confident■ I believe it would be best..

■ I intend to…

■ I would advise you to…

■ The opposition would say

■ My proposal is that we…

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Based on the book Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office 101 by Lois P. Frankel

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Tippy’s Final Tip■ Be a woman♦ Your social skills can be used to your advantage♦ Use you win/win about life♦ Use you intuition

■ Be yourself♦ Your integrity is a big part of you♦ Be true to yourself♦ Find a comfortable fit between you and your

environment

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Bureau of Labor Statistics. Women at Work, 2011

Bureau of Labor Statistics. Women in the Labor Force Data Book, 2011

Evans, G. Play Like a Man Win Like a Woman, New York: Broadway Books, 2000

Feldhahn, S. For Women Only in the Workplace, Colorado: Multnomah Books, 2011

Frankel, L. Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office 101, New York: Warner Business Books, 2004

Gray, J. Men Are From Mars , Women Are From Venus, New York: HarperCollins Publishers

Resources

Oliver C. Allen, Jr. PHONE: (202) 307-8888

EMAIL: Oliver.C.Allen2@usdoj.gov