BMWK Guide to Overcoming Infidelity

How to Find Healing After the Hurt

By: Tiya Cunningham-Sumter

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BMWK Guide to Overcoming Infidelity

How to Find Healing After the Hurt

We are Lamar and Ronnie Tyler, the creators of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com (BMWK). Thank you for purchasing the BMWK Guide to Overcoming Infidelity. We’re excited that you have taken the time to invest in your marriage or to prepare for the marriage that you’ll have one day, by purchasing this eBook.

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Lamar & Ronnie Tyler

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Tyler New Media, LLC

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ContentsIntroduction..................................................................................................................................5

Chapter 1: The “What” of Infidelity...............................................................................................6

What Is Infidelity?.....................................................................................................................6

What Infidelity Does.................................................................................................................6

What Infidelity Causes.............................................................................................................7

What Infidelity Is Not................................................................................................................8

Chapter 2: The “Who” of Infidelity..............................................................................................10

Who Is Responsible?.............................................................................................................10

Who Decides What Happens Next.........................................................................................11

Who Needs To Do What.........................................................................................................11

Chapter 3: The “Why” of Infidelity..............................................................................................13

Why Infidelity Happens...........................................................................................................13

Why You Want To Leave........................................................................................................13

Why You Want To Stay...........................................................................................................14

Chapter 4: The “How” of Infidelity..............................................................................................16

How To Handle What You’re Feeling......................................................................................16

How To Move Forward...........................................................................................................16

How To Rebuild Trust.............................................................................................................17

Closing Prayer...........................................................................................................................19

My prayer for marriages navigating through infidelity:............................................................19

About the Author........................................................................................................................20

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Introduction

One might assume infidelity is a simple, black and white issue without any gray in between. Several assume they have it all figured out. But the answers to the what, who, why, and how of infidelity aren’t as obvious as we originally thought.

You may have already made a declaration to yourself that the moment your spouse steps out of your marriage, it’s over. I’ve found relationships are a lot more complicated than that. When I was younger, I used to believe if ever someone I was committed to betrayed my trust, I would walk away immediately. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I would bounce without looking back.

Marriage makes things a little more challenging. It’s not as easy to walk away from a life you’ve built with someone you love, which may or may not involve children. Leaving sometimesmeans uprooting everything and starting all over. And some of us just aren’t big fans of starting over. It’s always easier said than done.

In addition, there are a few more factors to take into consideration when we’re married. Because so many of our marriages face infidelity struggles, this conversation happens to be very necessary. Before we proceed any further, there are a few myths we must debunk as it relates to adultery:

1. Only men cheat.2. People who cheat will always cheat.3. All marriages end after an affair.

None are true in every instance. Each circumstance is different just as is each relationship. Both men and women have fallen short and are capable of committing adultery. Oneindiscretion doesn’t necessarily indicate a pattern. People cheat for a variety of reasons. Unfortunately, sometimes a single lapse in judgment leads to a full-blown affair, but often it doesn’t. I don’t believe infidelity has to end a marriage. There is hope as well as happiness after infidelity, and it is available to any couple who searches and works for it.

Without any further hesitation, let’s explore the what, who, why and how of infidelity together.

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Chapter 1: The “What” of Infidelity

What Is Infidelity?

We can label this thing infidelity, cheating, or unfaithfulness and it all adds up to the same thing. It is real, grown-up business and sadly occurs far too frequently.

Infidelity is literally defined as unfaithfulness to a moral obligation; disloyalty; marital unfaithfulness or an instance of it. We can also consider it a broken promise. Everyone knows broken promises can destroy a relationship, especially a marriage. Marriage is a committed love agreement between two adults. When we answer “I do,” we are agreeing to surrender selfishnessand fleshly desires. Because we are only human, it’s not always effortless, but it is part of the pledge we made.

Infidelity can be as simple as sharing a kiss with someone other than our spouse to havinga full-fledged intimate affair with someone outside of our union. It is upsetting and affects the entire family—not just the couple involved. It is becoming too common—almost as though someexpect it. People are no longer surprised when they hear of someone having an affair. We’ve almost become immune. It is widespread in our marriages, like an epidemic. And it shouldn’t be. We have come to anticipate that at some point in our relationships cheating is bound to occur.

The impact it has on a marriage can be disheartening. According to the Journal of Maritaland Family Therapy, 41% of marriages have experienced infidelity and only 31% of marriages last after an affair. This confirms more preventative measures are needed from the very beginning.

What Infidelity DoesIt comes through like a hurricane, tearing down what appeared to be strong foundations

and leaving behind devastation. Where there was once trust, only a void remains. Lives are changed forever. Things are lost and damaged. Sometimes it takes years to rebuild those affectedareas. Relationship repair requires hours of manpower. The whole community usually has to come together to rebuild. Here’s some of what individuals experience:

In a number of instances, infidelity hurts both partners. Quite naturally, the feelings

of the adulterer are discounted because the other partner becomes the priority. It makes sense, as they are the most affected. However, there are partners who cheat who immediately regret the decision and find themselves fighting to recover what they lost.

It negatively affects children. They tend to repeat the behaviors learned in the home and

the cycle repeats.

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It no longer shocks us. We shouldn’t be more surprised by a person who doesn’t cheat

than one who does. Wouldn’t it be amazing if the new stereotypes in our communities were centered on healthy marriages, two-parent households, and trust and commitment inour partnerships?

It destroys trust, communication and intimacy. Everything couples work so hard at

creating in marriage is now at risk. The key elements for any healthy relationship include all three of the above. Building those areas requires constant effort. Affairs instantly produce chaos in each of those areas.

It challenges the views we once held about ourselves. A spouse who is cheated on, at

times, questions their worth. They may begin to believe they ought to be hurt or that they aren’t deserving of being in a completely committed relationship. It will also make them think they weren’t enough. It is hard to feel good about ourselves when it seems as though the person we loved the most doesn’t appreciate who we are and what we’ve contributed to the relationship.

It adds extra pressure to the marriage. Rebuilding a relationship (essentially starting

over) is stressful. Remember the effort we put in at the beginning of the relationship? We tried to impress our future spouse, so we were willing to do whatever was necessary to ensure they noticed us. We always brought our A game. Well, the spouse who cheated is back to the drawing board. They must start over and work themselves out of the hole theycreated. Self-reflection will be necessary at this point to get a better understanding of what led them down this particular path.

What Infidelity Causes

Spouses are vulnerable with one another, both emotionally and physically. We share things we wouldn’t normally disclose to anyone else. We bare all of our insecurities and fears. Combine that with love and you have a passionate partnership.

What we all want in this world is to be loved. Not just any old kind of love, but an unconditional love. The kind of love the Bible mentions. How Christ loved the church is exactly how we want to be loved—a lover who is willing to sacrifice all for our sake. When we find that kind of love, we hope to hold on to it forever. But infidelity leaves that love in jeopardy. Here area few causes that have been known to surface after an affair happens.

Plain and simple it causes heart break. Marriage comes with a lot of sacrifice. It can be stressful and frustrating at times. But if done correctly, it can also bring a sense of healing and support to our lives. With all of the requirements of marriage, things can get lost from time to time. It is a hard pill to swallow and a tough reality to face when someone takes our trust for granted and shares the love that was intended for us with someone else. Weeping, yelling, and even physical pain are all natural emotions that surface when one is working through a broken heart.

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It causes us not to trust or believe in love again. One of the saddest existences is one without love. What a depressing world it would be if people stopped believing in love. When a person betrays us, it’s easy to throw in the towel and give up on love. Doing so leads to isolation,depression, and wasted time. It pushes life into an intermission.

Stress is another consequence of infidelity. It affects how we show up at work and in our other relationships as well as how we treat ourselves. A sure sign that stress has overpowered us is when we physically stop caring for ourselves. How we feel on the inside will also appear on the outside. We fall off when we’re under pressure.

Any time I reflect on relationship hurt I am reminded of a coworker (years ago) who had a serious breakup and her hurt was obvious to each person who saw her that day. I’m talking about a baseball cap, messy hair, and wrinkled jeans. Everyone immediately recognized something was wrong. Unfortunately, she failed to remember she had a meeting with a client thatday. As you may have guessed, her manager reprimanded her for her appearance. All of that because love didn’t work out. There are some serious consequences as a result of heartbreak. Sometimes it’s difficult to move forward.

Bitterness and resentment are two evils caused by adultery. They will eat away at our very being. It raises hell in us and we find ourselves fighting in every area of our life. Everyone around us gets a little of that negative energy we’re feeling. Despite our best intentions, eventually our negative energy affects our other relationships with family members and friends.

Sometimes the pain is indescribable. It honestly hurts to be betrayed. Anytime someone breaks a bond of trust, we are usually devastated.

What Infidelity Is NotNot every affair is about love or a lack of it. The common misconception is that a partner

who cheats definitely doesn’t love their spouse. Sometimes an indiscretion of this sort has nothing to do with what the other partner is or isn’t doing at home. People can actually find themselves caught up in a moment of passion and give in to their fleshly desires. We may question exactly how someone gets themselves in a predicament like this, but it does happen, all the time, unfortunately.

Infidelity is not necessarily an automatic reason for divorce. If marriages can overcome abuse and addiction, they can definitely overcome infidelity. It is not an easy journey back, but many marriages do recover. That will be up to each individual. The issues that lead to the affair can be so severe that the relationship struggles to recover, even if the infidelity has been forgiven. With forgiveness comes healing.

It is not a reason for the hurt party to cheat also. Two wrongs certainly don’t make a right and will undoubtedly make the situation a whole lot worse. It should not be looked at as an opportunity to seek revenge. It’s better to leave the marriage than to be focused on trying to get back at a spouse who hurt us.

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One of the biggest issues to consider is that relationships are so complex. There are quite a few layers to them. Whenever our relationships are hit with such a heavy blow, it’s always best to take a step back to assess the situation and the damage caused before making any life altering decisions. What happens next is a decision that should be made by both partners.

The “what” of infidelity should absolutely be discussed. This conversation helps give us abetter understanding of the type of beast we are specifically working with. It also equips us with the wisdom we need to begin the healing in our relationship.

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Chapter 2: The “Who” of Infidelity

Who Is Responsible?

Who is involved and who is to blame are always the biggest concerns when it comes to cheating. We tend to think the other person is someone who is physically more attractive than us.It’s not always the physical attraction that draws an individual in. Sometimes it’s just a mental connection or a less complicated friendship that looks and feels more appealing to us. If ever we find a friendship to be stress free, we’re immediately enticed by it, because who wouldn’t want an easier relationship?

It requires no effort to point fingers and shine the spotlight on who we should blame. I’venever understood the need to go after the person the spouse cheated with. The anger should clearly be directed toward our spouse. They are the one who made the commitment to us. While it’s true some individuals do purposely chase after married folk for some kind of thrill, even in that instance, we still need to first and foremost address our partners. But hurt people want to hurt people. So we tend to look for someone to blame for our hurt.

Affairs can and do happen with anyone: a coworker, friend, or a random stranger. They can transpire by chance or be created intentionally. The “who” isn’t as important as the why and what happens next. Those who are at the receiving end of betrayal feel it helps in the healing process to have certain questions answered: who the other person is, how often they were together, and if they were in love.

According to recent data, 36% of affairs happen with a coworker. Again, it usually starts as a friendship, but of course since most people are drama free at work, we only get to experience the best of our coworkers. Thus it becomes easy to have more casual conversations, more laughs, and more in common due to spending a good chunk of the day together. It automatically builds a solid foundation.

It becomes easier to blame the person our spouse cheated with than to face some harsh realities. Was intimacy missing in the marriage? Was there some sort of disconnect? Was the relationship a strain to be involved in? Was there a safer place (in the arms of another) allowing us to be ourselves without the drama?

There’s not always a “who” to blame, but occasionally circumstances and situations that cause one spouse to stray. It could have absolutely nothing to do with their partner. An internal struggle, feelings of loss, or depression can cause people to act out in a variety of ways, one being an extramarital affair. Inner demons are powerful and can not only destroy a relationship, but the individual as well.

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Who Decides What Happens Next Do you move forward or will the decision be to go separate ways? Quite naturally, it

seems as though everything that follows the affair should be left in the hands of the betrayed spouse. The ball is now in their court. So whether the relationship ends or moves forward is ultimately their decision.

But this isn’t necessarily the case. It will absolutely take two committed individuals to bring healing to that union. A conversation must be had to uncover some truths.

One of those truths is to ask, “Do we both want to remain in this marriage?” That’s always the hardest question to discuss, but the easiest to answer. There is usually a “Yes, but...” What if we removed the “but” just for a moment? If the answer is yes and both decide to stay, thenext piece is to discover— together—how to get the healing process started.

Another truth? You will have to create an action plan to help in moving forward. Without a plan, the couple will perish. You can’t just pick up and act as though nothing ever happened. It’s not natural and it simply won’t work. Have you ever held something inside that should have been released? You probably felt the pressure and knew it was not good to hold onto it because of how it made you feel. Eventually it will rupture in some form or fashion. We might as well release it sooner rather than later. If it ruptures the unnatural way, relationships can be permanently damaged.

The last truth is that relationships have a better chance at survival when we deal with the ugly. Yes, infidelity is an ugly word and action. If it occurs in a relationship, it has to be addressed, in great detail.

Who Needs To Do WhatEither spouse can initiate the effort in putting the marriage back together again. One

would think the spouse with the blemish on their record should make the first move. Each partner has a responsibility, from this point forward, if they decide together is what they both want.

The partner who cheated should:

Take full responsibility for the recklessness.

Be extremely remorseful and apologize from the gate and as often as necessary.

Be open and willing to answer any and every question or provide whatever information is

needed for progression.

Be understanding to what the other partner is dealing with. Recognize that it is a very big

deal.

Refrain from placing blame on the other partner. Cheating is an individual choice.

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Be patient. Trust won’t return overnight. It will be a process.

The partner who was cheated on should:

Take some time, assess the situation, and make the most realistic decision for their life.

Forgive, whether or not they stay in the marriage. Forgiveness is healing, not for the other

partner, but for the one who is having the hardest time with letting go.

Refrain from reliving the past, if the goal is to move forward.

Recognize it was not their fault.

The “who” can be the most devastating. The line is blurred after the hurt and pain. So many questions have to be answered and quite a few future decisions have to be made.

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Chapter 3: The “Why” of Infidelity

Why Infidelity Happens

At the core, affairs take place because people are selfish and careless. We can be careless with our word and the promises we made during our vows. In the moment an affair occurs, that individual is clearly thinking only of their own fleshly needs. For the most part, they haven’t even considered what they are at risk of losing.

If we take a look back at how relationships begin and what happens in the middle, maybe we can see at what point things change and possibly lead to infidelity.

There is so much excitement at the beginning of a relationship. All we think about is that other person. Spending time with them is a major priority for us. We put forth a greater effort in the early stages of a relationship. Our goal is to impress them and get them to like us. Imagine when you purchased a new home or car. Remember how exciting it was? It was new and once you moved in, you could add to it whatever you wanted. It could be designed anyway you chose.Then it starts to feel lived in, things become common, and old, and we get used to it. We’re no longer as excited when we come home after a long day. The newness has worn off.

This also occurs in our marriages. After the newlywed phase, the newness wears off. And all of a sudden, the effort we used to put into our spouse diminishes. We don’t feel as though we need to do all of the things we did in the beginning. We snagged our spouse so there’s nothing left to do, right? Wrong. Maintaining a relationship is a constant. We have to feed our marriages so that they won’t starve.

Another reason is that we stop communicating, so our partners aren’t aware of our feelings of neglect or boredom. Whenever we are not feeling appreciated or loved, we must speak up. How will our spouse ever know what areas need improvement?

Sometimes if a relationship is extremely stressful and bringing no real happiness, people will tend to look for something more.

What most people fail to realize or would rather deny is that they have complete control over their actions. We have more power than we care to admit. We can control our tongue, our anger, and our sometimes lustful nature. If we so choose. It’s up to us. There is always a moment when you have the choice to walk away and do the right thing.

There are quite a few reasons as to why affairs occur in a marriage. Although some may seem to be valid reasons, infidelity should never be a response to what’s wrong in the relationship.

Why You Want To LeaveSo many thoughts run through people’s minds when their spouse has betrayed them.

There is confusion, doubt, and indecisiveness. We want to act from our mind instead of our heart

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because the mind makes the most sense. There are plenty of reasons that have a person contemplating leaving the marriage. Here are just a few:

Some care about what family and close friends might think of their decision to stay. Our

loved ones want what’s best for us, so it makes sense they would never want to see us hurt. But they also love us so much, they will support and respect whatever decision we make. We must remember our relationship choices belong to no one but us. We can’t live a life or be in love the way others might do it, that won’t work. If you decide to stay, that is your choice and yours only. You don’t need the approval of others on what to do with your love life. We have to do what’s best for us, always.

Others would rather leave because they can’t see past the “right now” of the situation.

The relationship just feels too icky. Hurt is a powerful energy. It takes on a life of its own and causes us to act in a way we don’t even recognize. That hurt will block us from beingopen to healing and especially forgiving. It can blind a person. When that hurt is so fresh and new, we can’t think about a future with the person who caused that pain.

They can’t trust anymore. It makes complete sense. If there is no trust, there isn’t a

relationship. It’s a fair conclusion to come to after infidelity. It is the risk the spouse who cheats takes when they have an affair. You stand to lose the person you love.

Why You Want To Stay

When I ask couples this question, I usually hear the same response: “Because I love him/her.” The reasons we stay are just that simple. Love will make you do anything. It will make you fight for a struggling marriage and forgive a cheating spouse. Love is just that strong, causing us to believe anything is possible. And anything is possible.

Some stay for the children. That’s one of the most unselfish choices one can make. Staying in a relationship for the sake of the children isn’t usually recommended, but every marriage is different. If your children are your reason, it’s okay. But make sure you truly put forth all the effort necessary to make the marriage work.

I recall discussing infidelity with a couple and the spouse who cheated (the husband in this case) shared why he decided to fight for his marriage. He stated he couldn’t picture his life without his family and did not want anyone else raising his child. This is also a harsh reality of affairs. They end marriages, which results in both partners moving on and creating new relationships with other people. So yes it is quite possible our child will be partly raised by another individual. It really is something to think about. It’s unfortunate that in a heated moment,none of the consequences fight their way into consciousness.

We’ve all heard “it’s a cheaper to keep her,” right? This is another reason some decide to stay in their marriage after infidelity. Because it’s just easier and less confusion. It could work, but both people still have to be committed to doing the work to improve the relationship.

Understanding the “why” of infidelity is critical. It takes us right to the root of the problem. It shows us where in the relationship there were failures or where things could have

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been better. It helps us to examine ourselves individually and how we are as a spouse. Sometimesthere is some ugly that surfaces—that’s okay. In order for any situation to improve, we have to first be willing to acknowledge that it exists.

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Chapter 4: The “How” of Infidelity

The “How” is the most important question. With either result—leaving or staying—a couple has to decide how they will move forward. If the marriage is ending, questions of custodyand assets all have to be answered. If they are staying together, what does reconciliation look like?

How can a couple move forward after infidelity? First, they need evaluate the damage. Couples are unable to heal properly if the necessary time isn’t taken to examine the situation from all angles. It needs to begin with a conversation. While it seems juvenile or petty, it is okay to ask any questions needed to gain a better understanding.

How To Handle What You’re FeelingAs mentioned earlier, experiencing infidelity in your relationship is an indescribable pain.

There will be a mixture of emotions and you may not be clear on what specifically to do with them. The injured party is well within their rights to feel what they feel. Acknowledging what those feelings are and why they are showing up begins the internal healing. Releasing those feelings is the next necessary step for healing. If you are unsure of exactly how to release, below are a few suggestions:

Seek pastoral or spiritual counseling. Having someone who can pray with you, over

you and guide you in praying on your own is the divine intervention one needs.

Talk to someone else you trust and who loves you. It’s important that they love you, it’s

less likely they will share your business or steer you in the wrong direction. Mostly you might just want someone to listen.

Write your feelings down on paper if you are not ready to verbalize your feelings.

Writing a letter to the partner who cheated, whether it’s shared or not, can be therapeutic. Allow that pen to hit the paper without thinking too much and just let it flow. What comes up needs to come out.

How To Move ForwardBefore any forward movement happens, the decision to continue the marriage must be

made by both spouses. That’s the first hurdle. It won’t be an easy journey. There are some necessary words and actions that need to be said and done.

There is a dialogue that must transpire in order to heal the marriage. In that conversation there needs to be ownership of the behaviors that led to the need to have this talk in the first place. Another part should include the facts. When, why, and how often the cheating occurred has to be revealed, as painful as it may be. It’s just like in a court of law; all of the facts have to

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be presented before a final decision is made on the situation. A wounded spouse needs the facts to make an informed decision.

Realistically, everything won’t be resolved in just one conversation. It’s going to be over a course of time. The takeaways, however, should have some next steps. It should be understood which direction the marriage is heading.

Reconciliation is going to require some serious energy. It must be wanted first. I mean really wanted, not just in talk, but in action. Saying you’re ready to move forward and none of the actions match is a real problem. Not being willing to sit down and discuss the relationship is also problematic.

Positive affirmations are needed to build up what was lost as a result of the affair. Affairs affect one’s self-esteem. Feelings of doubt and blame set in. Individuals will start to rationalize the reasons their partner may have cheated in the first place and somehow make it about them. The partner who was unfaithful needs to work at reassuring their spouse.

Acknowledge the emotions, and accept the reactions. I don’t think anyone can really be surprised by how someone responds to the news of their spouse cheating. They shouldn’t be judged, or reprimanded for how they choose to handle such devastating news.

How To Rebuild TrustThe first step to rebuilding trust is for the responsible party to tell the truth. At this point

there shouldn’t be any more lying. However, if infidelity has been a recurring issue in the marriages, it may be signs of a greater problem. Being completely truthful should be the first priority at this point. This responsibility lies on the shoulder of the spouse who cheated. Below are a few ideas to help get it started.

Be completely honest about what led you to believe you needed something from someoneelse. Whether it was an encouraging conversation, a shoulder to lean on or physical intimacy, be truthful. A good place to start is by answering the following questions:

What were the personal challenges you were facing that put you in a position to be

unfaithful?

What were your intentions and how did you hope you would feel afterward?

Did the mishap do for you what you’d hope it would? Was there a void needing to be

filled?

For a couple who is really focused on working out the marriage, they should ask trusted friends or advisors to hold them accountable. This is an action step for each partner. The hurt spouse should have their support circle encourage them to keep working at strengthening the marriage and being open to trust again. The other spouse who committed adultery also needs to be held accountable to be consistently honest in every aspect of the relationship.

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Couples need other healthy couples. We can encourage one another to be the best spouseswe can be. Married men must challenge other married men in their circle to go home to their wives. We must remind one another of what we have at home. Wives must encourage other wives to support, and demonstrate love in their marriage.

The “how” of infidelity is a choice. Broken marriages have been strengthened. Many couples have healed after infidelity has affected their marriage. It happens all the time. The “how” can be challenging because sometimes we don’t know how to start all over. We have trouble processing our own feelings, so it’s very difficult to have to share and explain them to another person. We have to do some inner work. It is critical that we know ourselves. Being honest about our personal ability to love, trust and forgive again makes all the difference.

We can all admit infidelity is the ultimate form of betrayal in a marriage. If a couple allows it to, it will absolutely lead to divorce. The truth is it doesn’t have to.

If you are in a relationship and currently dealing with infidelity, I want to provide hope. You will survive it. People are stronger than they ever imagined. We do heal, we move on and life gets better. It may feel dark and dismissal now, but your breakthrough is right around the corner. Just hang on a little longer. This too shall pass.

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Closing Prayer

In closing, I would like to offer a prayer to those who are hurting and needing a way to heal and forgive.

My prayer for marriages navigating through infidelity:

Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus, we pray over marriages in general, that Your love adds protection and healing. That no enemy, entity, or other person can break the bond of their union. You said in Mark 10:9, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Please equip every marriage with the tools, energy, and supportive people needed to survive through life’s ups and downs. Please build up these unions and place them in the company of others who honor marriage. Help them to stay committed and focused on their vows and to one another. Help them keep the promises made before You, Father, at the forefront of their mind. Father, we pray in particular for the marriages suffering from infidelity. Father, they may feel lost, not sure which direction to turn, but remind these couples to focus on You. Help them to trust You in everything they do. Remind them You are with them, even through this trial. We pray that infidelity will not continue to plague our communities. We need You more than ever as our marriages are tested every day. Father, please protect the marriages You joined together and bless them abundantly.

In Your Precious Name We Pray,

Amen.

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About the Author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life and Relationship Coach, Blogger and a Professional Development Trainer. Tiya inspires adults who are homeless or at risk to transform their lives and succeed in the workforce. Tiya is also the creator of Life Editing, a personalcoaching service, which she established in 2005. Through this venture, she assists couples and individuals in rewriting their lives to reflect their dreams. She has been a coach to friends and family long before the term “Life Coach” existed. It has always been a gift and exciting for her to see others reach for the stars and obtain the happiness they deserve. Her excitement turned into her passion and she became certified in life and relationship coaching through the IPEC Training Program. Tiya has helped numerous people overcome fear and procrastination in order to pursue their passions. Tiya holds a Bachelor’s Degree in

Advertising/Journalism and is the Marriage Ministry Director of Family of Faith Community Church.

Tiya believes in living a life with no regrets! Her coaching approach is about recognizing what’s not working and removing those negative thoughts and behaviors that frequently block our success. Her motto is, “We cannot change what we are not willing to confront.”

Tiya has been featured in Ebony Magazine and on the Michael Baisden Show. She is alsoa weekly contributor to the award winning website Blackandmarriedwithkids.com. Her personal mission is to equip others with the support, tools and guidance needed to be successful.

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Also Available From Tyler New Media/BlackandMarriedWithKids.com:

Still Standing (DVD) 2012

Through Infidelity, Chronic Illness, Financial Crisis, Blended Families & more these couples explain

WHY & HOW they are STILL STANDING!

Starring Kindred the Family Soul, Speech (Arrested Development) and Yolanda Thomas and Dr.

Sherry Blake.

GREAT FOR:

Couples in crisis

Newlyweds

Anniversaries

Singles

Marriage and Singles

Ministries

Hosting an in-home screening

Sowing into another couple

YOU’LL SEE:

Strong men talk about

loving their wives

The real meaning of

unconditional love

How couples overcame

infidelity, blended families,

communication breakdowns,

money troubles and naysayers

AVAILABLE NOW:

CLICK HERE TOPURCHASE NOW via

DVD

CLICK HERE TOSTREAM NOW via

THE WEB