breaking through betrayal

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Holli Kenley M.A. Marriage and Family Therapist www.hollikenley.com Breaking Through Betrayal

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Holli Kenley M.A. Marriage and Family Therapistwww.hollikenley.com

Breaking Through Betrayal

Issues may surface around betrayal.

Background on betrayal concept.

Present day perspective on betrayal.

Introduction

I. Knowledge and Awareness.

A. What is betrayal?

B. Betrayal – What am I feeling and why?

C. Betrayal – How long and to what degree will I

feel this way and why?

Breaking Through Betrayal

II. Other recovery considerations.

A. Betrayal and Codependency.

B. Betrayal and Grief.

Breaking Through Betrayal

1. An investment into someone or something met with rejection and/or abandonment.

Examples…

A. What is betrayal?

2. A profound trust in someone or something that

is profoundly violated.

Important – two kinds of trust.

A. What is betrayal?

A. One kind of trust = “within us”.

Examples…

Two kinds of trust

B. Second kind of trust = “an extension of us”.

Examples…

Two kinds of trust

3. A truth that becomes a lie / a belief that is

shattered.

Examples…

A. What is betrayal?

Goal: Connect with understanding and awareness.

Client centered.

Share narratives (handout - pgs.3-4).

Life messages exercise (handout – pgs.5-7).

A. What is betrayal?

“States” – A state of being; who we are as defined

by our betrayal.

“Truths” – Adopting new beliefs or perceptions to

redefine ourselves.

B. Betrayal – What am I feeling? Why?

3 States of Being.

3 Truths.

B. Betrayal – What am I feeling? Why?

1. State of Confusion: “WHY?”

Symptoms and manifestations.

What we feel.

What we embrace – a new truth.

3 States and 3 Truths

1. State of Confusion: TX approaches:

Client centered.

Cognitive behavioral (handout – pgs.8-9).

3 States and 3 Truths

2. State of Worthlessness: “Robbed, Redefined,

Relinquished”

Symptoms and manifestations.

What we feel.

What we embrace –a new truth.

3 States and 3 Truths

2. State of Worthlessness: TX approaches:

Client centered.

Cognitive behavioral (handout – pgs.8-9).

3 States and 3 Truths

3. State of Powerlessness: “Two extremes”

Symptoms and manifestations.

What we feel.

What we embrace – a new truth.

3 States and 3 Truths

3. State of Powerlessness: TX approaches:

Client centered.

Cognitive behavioral (handout – pgs.8-9).

3 States and 3 Truths

A. Anatomy of betrayal.

Underlying principle of degree.

Relationship to occurrence.

C. Betrayal – To what degree and how long will I feel this

way? And, why?

Underlying principle of degree:

The degree to which we invest, believe, or trust in someone or something is directly proportional to our degree of injury from betrayal.

Examples…

Anatomy of Betrayal

Relationship to occurrence:

Occurrence means the degree of exposure to the betrayer or the betrayal environment.

Examples…

Anatomy of Betrayal

Client centered.

Cognitive Behavioral (handout – pgs. 10-11).

Anatomy of Betrayal

Pause…

Questions?

Input?

Other thinking?

Breaking Through Betrayal

A. Betrayal and Codependency – The relationship.

“Codependency is an issue of “over-investment” into someone or something.”

II. Other Recovery Considerations

Implications for clients.

Treatment implications.

Betrayal and Codependency

B. Betrayal and Grief – The relationship.

“The connection with grief is obvious – the element of loss.”

II. Other Recovery Considerations

Distinct and separate considerations.

Implications for treatment.

Betrayal and Grief

Is the client “breaking through”?

Trappings of betrayal.

Change of focus.

Breaking Through Betrayal

Invest again…

Trust again…

Find truth again…

First…Second…

Breaking Through Betrayal

Right Yourself…

Believe and Be Well…

Holli Kenley

Breaking Through Betrayal