brief introduction to nonviolent communication

8/13/2019 Brief Introduction to Nonviolent Communication

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NONVIOLENT

COMMUNICATIONPioneered by

Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

A very brief introduction to the concept of

Summarized by Alexandria Skinner, J.D.


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NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION:A LANGUAGE OF LIFE

by Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.


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Method For Communicating ThatEnables Authentic Sharing

Clearly expressinghow I am,

without blaming orcriticizing

Empatheticallyreceiving how you

are,

without hearing

blame or criticism


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OVERVIEW OF PROCESS:Use I Statements to Communicate :

1. OBSERVATIONS

2. FEELINGS

3. NEEDS

4. REQUESTS


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FEELINGS

.I feel

Amazed, proud, angry, concerned, confused,embarrassed, irritated, lonely, touched, thankful,sad, relieved, proud .

SPECIFIC EMOTIONS, NOT GENERALONES


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REQUESTS

I request that you .

Put your laundry in the hamper, or x or y

The request should be phrased in terms of apositive thing to do, be very concrete / specific,

and be do-able in the immediate sense


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SOME FEELINGS

Positive: Amazed, comfortable, confident, eager,proud, thankful, touched, trustful, surprised,inspired, relieved, optimistic, glad

Negative: Angry, annoyed, concerned, confused,disappointed, discouraged, distressed,

embarrassed, frustrated, helpless, hopeless,impatient, irritated, lonely, nervous, overwhelmed,puzzled, reluctant, sad, uncomfortable


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SOME NEEDS

Autonomy (choosing dreams, goals, values) Celebration (to acknowledge both creation and

loss) Physical nurturance (air, food, exercise, rest) Integrity (authenticity, meaning, self worth) Interdependence (acceptance, emotional safety) Play (fun, laughter) Spiritual Communion (beauty, inspiration, peace)


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FEELINGS vs. NON FEELINGS

Distinguish thoughts from feelings!The words, I feel [that] you are stupid, does notexpress a feeling! If you would use the words like,

that, if in the sentence, it is probably a judgmentand not a feeling.Distinguish evaluations from feelings!

The words I feel unimportant express anevaluation (my assessment of how I think others arethinking about me), not a feeling.


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PSEUDO-FEELINGS

Pseudo feelings express interpretation, diagnosis,evaluation, criticism, judgment, orblame.

Not likely to result in the person you arecommunicating with to open up and connect withtheir needs.

Likely to create feelings of separation or alienation.


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INTERPRETATIONS

The following are evaluations, not feelings,because they depend for their significance onhow we interpret (or filter) the behavior:

Abandoned, abused, attacked, betrayed, bullied,cheated, coerced, cornered, interrupted,intimidated, manipulated, misunderstood,neglected, overworked, patronized, pressured,

provoked, put down, rejected, taken for granted,

threatened, unheard, unappreciated, unseen,


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THE FOUR DS OF DISCONNECTION

Diagnosing: Telling people our diagnosisrather than what we need

Deserve: Judging who is right, wrong, good,bad, and who deserves to be rewarded orpunished

Deny choice / responsibility: Blaming othersfor our feelings, obscuring choice by saying Ihad to or You have to, inducing guilt and /or shame

Demanding: Threatening, bribing, bullying,


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HINTS FOR BETTERCOMMUNICATION

Use words that refer to specifics:Specific actions

Specific needsSpecific emotionsSpecific requests

Use I statements:I see this, I have this need, I feel this way, I

request


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MAKING A REQUEST

Ask for what will meet your needs State the request in do-able terms that are time

limited and achievable Use positive action language And can be met in a variety of ways (method is

negotiable)


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EXAMPLE

Observation : You left dishes in the sink afterbreakfast that had egg yolk on them.Feeling : I feel frustratedNeed : because I need some support in keepingthings clean.Request : Would you be willing to dry the dishes

while I wash them?

brief introduction to nonviolent communication

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