building a sound christian marital house seminar - …apokata.com/powerpoint/building a sound...

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Building A Sound Christian Marital

HouseFacilitators Debby Wood and Bob Brennan

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Apokata. Psychological Services is

pleased to now offer free Marriage

Enrichment Seminars. These Sem i-

nars are offered:

On your church site

Custom fit to your needs as part of

a conference, workshop or Sunday

School series.

Apokata Psychological Services PresentsFree Christian Marriage Enrichment Seminars Christian Marriage

Seminars In Marin

For More information about how this sem i-nar can benefit your congregation and su p-port your ministry, Contact:

Robert Brennan, M.A., MFTIPhone: 415– 362-6009

[email protected]

Sponsored By: Dr. Melvin W. Wong, PhD.Apokata. Psychological Services1380 Lincoln Ave, Suite 7San Rafeal,CA 94901


HouseBased on Current Marital Research

Robert Brennan, M.A., MFT Intern

Robert specializes in helping men de-velop the masculine self, to be healthy men of God and husbands. Robert is an International conferences speaker, pro-fessional corporate trainer and former missionary. He brings an interactive style of learning and 13 years of mar-riage to the seminar.

Sound Christian TheologySound Marriage Principles Based On Current ResearchSound Therapist Who Care About People

Debby Wood, M.S. , MFT Intern

"Debby specializes in helping others to develop a healthy identity and sense of self. She has clinical experi-ence with adolescents, parenting, groups, and grief counseling. Debby brings 9 years of marriage and a de-sire to help others build strong foun-dations for marriage and for all of life."

Creating Shared MeaningMaking Dreams and Aspirations Positive Sentiment Turning Toward Versus Turning AwayFondness and Admir ation

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Apokata. Psychological Service

Apokata.Apokata.The mission of reconciliation,The mission of reconciliation, "And, having made "And, having made peace through the blood of his cross, by him to peace through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcilereconcile ((ApokatallasoApokatallaso) all things unto himself: ) all things unto himself: by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven." (Col. 1:20)things in heaven." (Col. 1:20)

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Objectives For Today Learn what foundations are necessary to build a

healthy marriage for now and the future

Identify opportunities to strengthen the foundations of YOUR marriage

Choose one action step to take after the class that will strengthen the foundation of YOUR marriage

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Interview and Introduce

Interviews Learn as much as possible in five minutes about someone and introduce them to the group!

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Debby Wood, M.S. , MFT Intern

"Debby specializes in helping others to develop a healthy identity and sense of self. She has clinical experience with adolescents, parenting, groups, and grief counseling. Debby brings 9 years of marriage and a desire to help others build strong foundations for marriage and for all of life."

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Robert Brennan, M.A., MFT Intern

Robert specializes in helping men develop the masculine self, to be healthy men of God and husbands. Robert is an International conferences speaker, professional corporate trainer and former missionary. He brings an interactive style of learning and 13 years of marriage to the seminar.

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The Blessings of Marriage• Married couples have better emotional and physical

health, longer lives, more wealth, and higher earningsthan single people do.

• Compared to all sexually active people, faithfully married couples experience the most physical pleasure and emotional satisfaction with their sex lives.

• Married people have the lowest rates of alcoholism, depression, and mental disorders when compared to unmarried, divorced, and separated individuals.

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The Blessings of Marriage Married individuals are the least likely to commit

suicide, while divorced people have the highest risk of committing suicide.

Married people can handle stressful situations betterthan their unmarried counterparts and they are the least likely to be lonely, when compared to the never married, divorced, widowed, and separated.

Married people reported higher levels of commitment and happiness in their relationship and better relationships with their parents than cohabiting couples.

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The Blessings of Marriage First-time married mothers reported the

highest levels of general well-being and the lowest levels of depression.

Married men and women are 3.4 times more likely to be happy than cohabiting couples.

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Marriage ResearchMost Vulnerable Years for Marital Conflict

1- 7 years16-20 years

Source: The Gottman Institute

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Marriage Research Treatment-55% of couples made some

improvements

35% were in a non-distress range at the end of therapy

Couples wait average 6 years to get help


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Marriage ResearchMarriages had a better chance of survival if:

They increase everyday positive feelings of relationship

During Conflict Resolution:Reduce negative feelingsIncrease positive feelings


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Building Blocks of Sound Christian Marital House

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Love MapsLove Maps

The Sound Christian Marital House

Foundation

Maturity

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Love MapsLove Maps


Knowing Each OtherKnowing Each Other

•Rich knowledge of your spouse’s desires, preferences, dreams, interests and pain.

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Fondness and AdmirationFondness and Admiration

Love MapsLove Maps


Foundation

Maturity

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Fondness Fondness and and

AdmirationAdmiration


•Affection, tenderness, romance, and warmth.

•Admiration, respect, dignity, consideration, value and appreciation.

Affection and Affection and RespectRespect

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Turning Toward versus Turning Toward versus Turning AwayTurning Away


Love MapsLove Maps


Foundation

Maturity

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Turning Towards Turning Towards vs. vs.

Turning AwayTurning Away


The Emotional Bank AccountThe Emotional Bank Account

•Turning Towards is connect vs. avoidance, enjoy companionship, open communication, listening, fun, spiritually compatible.

•Turning away is guarded, isolated, non-vulnerable, protective.

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Positive SentimentPositive Sentiment



Love MapsLove Maps


Foundation

Maturity

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Positive Positive SentimentSentiment


Conflict ResolutionConflict Resolution

•Overall positive feelings toward spouse. Interpretation of action and words as positive.

•Conflict resolution skills

•Avoiding unnecessary conflict

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Dreams and AspirationsDreams and Aspirations




Love MapsLove Maps


Foundation

Maturity

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Dreams andDreams andAspirationsAspirations


Avoiding Marital GridlockAvoiding Marital Gridlock

•Identifying and honoring the dreams and aspirations of life of your spouse

•Dreams include healing, lifestyle, becoming something, spiritual journey, justice, and peace

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Creating Shared MeaningCreating Shared Meaning

Dreams and AspirationsDreams and Aspirations




Love MapsLove Maps


Foundation

Maturity

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Creating SharedCreating SharedMeaningMeaning


Dreams, Narratives, Dreams, Narratives, Rituals of Connection, Rituals of Connection, MetaphorsMetaphors

•Nurturing traditions and symbols based on like values, purposes, convictions.

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Spiritual DevelopmentMaturity

Foundation

Creating Shared MeaningCreating Shared MeaningVision, Calling, Common ValuesVision, Calling, Common Values

Dreams and AspirationsDreams and AspirationsMutual Submission and RespectMutual Submission and Respect

Positive SentimentPositive SentimentResolving AngerResolving Anger

Turning Toward versus Turning Toward versus Turning AwayTurning AwayNurturing One FleshNurturing One Flesh

Fondness and AdmirationFondness and AdmirationExpressing LoveExpressing Love

Love MapsLove MapsKnowingKnowing

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Destructive Features in RelationshipsCriticism-Attack character with judgmentContempt-Sarcasm and cynicism

Defensiveness- Protection against blame Stonewalling-Shut down, escape

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Spiritual DevelopmentMaturity

Foundation

Creating Shared MeaningCreating Shared MeaningVision, Calling, Common ValuesVision, Calling, Common Values

Dreams and AspirationsDreams and AspirationsMutual Submission and RespectMutual Submission and Respect

Positive SentimentPositive SentimentResolving AngerResolving Anger

Turning Toward versus Turning Toward versus Turning AwayTurning AwayNurturing One FleshNurturing One Flesh

Fondness and AdmirationFondness and AdmirationExpressing LoveExpressing Love

Love MapsLove MapsKnowingKnowing

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The Dating Game

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Dating GameIn another room

– Men take list of questions about their wives and write down what her answer will be on 3x5 card.

In meeting room– Women think about your answer to questions.

Men Rejoin Women-– Interview women to find out their answers.– Men reveal their guess to questions.– Couple with matching answers get one point!

Now Switch Roles

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The Dating Game

Round 1 Questions (for the Men)How will your spouse answer these questions:What is your wife’s:1. Favorite flower.2. Favorite way to spend an weekend.3. Calling in life. 4. Two people she most admires.

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The Dating Game

Round 2 Questions (for the Women)How will your spouse answer these questions:What is your husband’s:1. Favorite food.2. Favorite way to spend an weekend.3. Greatest concern.(currently) 4. Favorite thing to do in his “spare” time.

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Love Maps

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Love MapsActivity:Draw a map of your spouse’s five most

important areas he/she wants you to love them for …today!

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Love Maps…What are they?

Love Maps are KNOWLEDGEKnowing what is meaningful to your spouse

and showing that you know in actionsMeaning is defined on the terms of your

spouse Identification with our spouses needs,

desires, pleasures

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Love Maps…What are they?

Empathy-knowing what it feels like to be in your spouses shoes

Validation-considering your spouses needs, desires, pain to be equally valid as my own

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Why Love Maps?

Love Maps Knowledge

• Intimacy The word “Sex” in scripture means “knowledge” Intimacy withstands relationship difficulties

– Stress– Positive life event– Conflict– Children– Major life events (loss)

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Love Map Categories People-Friends, potential friends, respected persons,

hero’s, enemies, competitors Upcoming events important to you Current stresses Current worries Hopes and aspirations Success and failure Emotional injuries/healing Emotions of anger, fear, sadness, pain Vision in life, calling, future plans Who you want to become Likes and dislikes

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Love Maps

Activity:Draw a Love Map of you spouseNext…Share your spouses love map

with him/her

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Love Map Categories People-Friends, potential friends, respected persons,

hero’s, enemies, competitors Upcoming events important to you Current stresses Current worries Hopes and aspirations Success and failure Emotional injuries/healing Emotions of anger, fear, sadness, pain Vision in life, calling, future plans Who you want to become Likes and dislikes

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Love Maps

Activity:Draw a Love Map of you spouseShare your spouses love map with them

Next…Ask your spouse to fill in or clarify

your interpretation of their love map

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Love MapsActivity: Draw a Love Map of you spouse Share your spouses love map with them Ask your spouse to fill in or clarify your interpretation of

their love map

Next…Discuss what you want your

spouse to understand about you that was missing on their map

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Love MapsActivity: Draw a Love Map of you spouse Share your spouses love map with them Ask your spouse to fill in or clarify your interpretation of their love

map Discuss what you want your spouse to understand about you that was

missing on their map

Next…What action would your spouse

like you to take based on the new information spouse

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Thank You For Participating In


HouseBless you!

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Upcoming Marital Seminar

Marital Assessment Seminar

By Apokata. Psychological ServicesFor more information:www.ChristianMentalHealth.com

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Christian Marital HouseMarital Assessment SeminarAt this Seminar you will receive: Pinpoint your obstacles to building a sound

Christian Marriage 16PF Assessment Test taken by husband and wife

(online) Explanation for each of the 16 indicators How your indicators are different than your

spouse Overview of couples integration obstacles

Building A Sound Christian Marital House

copyright © 2003 Robert Brennan, M.A, MFTI. All Rights Reserved

Debby Wood, M.S., MFTI(415) 389-0717

Robert Brennan, M.A., MFTI(415) 362-6099

ChristianMentalHealth.com

building a sound christian marital house seminar - …apokata.com/powerpoint/building a sound...

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