CATHOLIC CRISIS RESPONSE

GUIDELINES

Revised and Adapted for

HURON-PERTH CATHOLIC DISTRICT SCHOOL BOARD April 2015

Vince MacDonald, Director of Education; Bernard Murray, Chair of the Board of Trustees

“For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.

A time to be born, a time to die;

A time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted A time to kill, and a time to heal;

A time to break down and a time to build up A time to weep and a time to laugh, A time to mourn and a time to dance

Creator God, we your children accept your invitation

to come join in the Dance.

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The Compassion Mandala

The iconographer, Robert Lentz, painted the Compassion Mandala to evoke the sacred attitude with which God embraces the world. A young person, naked in his vulnerability, head bowed gathers the world into his arms. We are reminded of God’s love for the world in general and people in particular. It is this attitude of compassion which flows through care givers to the bereaved. It is this sacred compassion that is our motivation and our strength.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

PAGE

Rationale 4

School Crisis Response Team 5

Board Crisis Response Protocol 6-7

Principal’s Checklist 8

Response to the Death of a Student at School or at a School Event 9

Response to the Death of a Key Member of the Community 10

Initial Staff Meeting 11-12

Strategies for Dealing with Students 13

Developmental Stages in Response to Grief 14-16

Appendix 17

Liturgical Resources 18-25

Funeral Mass or School Memorial Mass 26-27

Music Resources 28

Sample Prayers for School (staff, students, classrooms) 29-30

Sample Notices to School Community 30-31

Resources for Teachers 32-36

Professional Resources (books, picture books, novels) 37-45

Crisis Response Team Contact List 46

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RATIONALE

The purpose of the Catholic Crisis Response Guide is to provide a framework for supportive action in the event of a traumatic occurrence that causes serious, sudden grief and disequilibrium in a school community. In today’s complex and unpredictable society, the school community is not immune to experiencing first hand unexpected trauma and crisis. Tragedy strikes all too frequently and, as educators, we must be prepared to deal with emergencies in order to understand better the feelings of the students we teach. The school community can provide a supportive and nurturing environment where the healing process can begin. As Catholic educators, we have our faith to help sustain us and help up to transform sadness and loss into hope and promise for a future. In times of crisis, emotions are intense, factual information may be limited and routines are disrupted, generating panic in those who are unprepared. Though a common factor in crisis, panic, tends to play a debilitating role in the problem-solving process. Tragic events call for decisive action. Having a set of guidelines and suggestions to follow at moments of uncertainty enhances our ability to problem-solve. Prior planning, decisive action and knowledge of what to expect begins with effective interaction within the school community. The goal is to properly mark such events with Christian dignity and compassion, and to assist in the healing process by supporting grieving communities in their efforts to regain equilibrium. Long-term support may involve bereavement counseling to individuals and/or groups. It is most appropriate that our school response to tragedy reflect our Catholic beliefs, values and traditions, while respecting the increasing diversity in our community. Cultures can greatly differ in their responses to bereavement and it is important to be sensitive to relevant practices and traditions. Since school staff members know the community well, they are often more sensitive to local needs and characteristics. Therefore, the most effective and supportive response is often a local response. Moreover, the community of the Huron-Perth Catholic District School Board always shares a local tragedy and the support of the wider community will be made available through the system resources as described in this guideline.

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CATHOLIC CRISIS RESPONSE TEAM In September, school staffs shall establish a school level Catholic Crisis Response Team.

Elementary

The size of the staff will determine the number of persons forming the team. It is important that the members of a team would be comfortable in responding to bereavement and/or sensitive issues of a crisis situation.

The Catholic Crisis Response Team at the elementary and secondary level must include the principal and vice-principal/designate and 2 or more of the suggested following:

• Classroom Teacher(s); • Office Administrator; • Parish Priest / Deacon; • Custodian; • Educational Assistants; • Chaplaincy Leader • Religion Advisory Teachers • Guidance Counsellor; • Mental Health Champion, HAWC • Others as deemed appropriate to the local situation (e.g., nurses, Library

technician, DECE, police, CAS). The committee should consist of administration and staff who are reasonably well known to the students and who have a strong sense of the school community and local parish. It would be advantageous to have representation from teachers or counselors who are sensitive to the cultural mix and needs in the school community. Committee members should be able to draw on the resources of the school staff who exhibit counseling skills and empathy for students. In times of emotional crisis the committee needs to have a focus on leadership, a calm sense of direction, and clear decision-making. The members need to supply the necessary leadership to delegate tasks, and mobilize the formation of a support process for the affected students or staff members. In the event that a school-related death or other tragedy occurs on a weekend or holiday, it is strongly recommended that each school make use of a telephone tree to communicate such events to teaching staff or by electronic means of communication as deemed appropriate. In doing so, staff are given an opportunity to prepare for the questioning and possible grief of students and other members of the school community.

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BOARD CRISIS RESPONSE PROTOCOL

MUST Activate

Level 1 In the event of deaths that directly impact school (student or staff death or major critical event)

* Any media request for information must be redirected to Chairperson of the Board or

Director of Education. See Policy # 3E:27.

PRINCIPAL Contact your assigned Superintendent

SUPERINTENDENT → Gary O’Donnell Home – 519-472 6346 Cell – 519-301-1837 Dawne Boersen Home – 519-273-7347 Cell – 519-301-0664

↓

→ DIRECTOR Vince MacDonald Home – 519-686-7565 Cell -226-926-9003

↓ TRUSTEES SENIOR ADMINISTRATION OTHER PRINCIPALS (phone call and/or email to LLC icon)

Team Leader JUDY MERKEL Home # 519-393-8177 Cell # 519-301-1499

↓

Lori Lynn Stapleton Cell –519-200-2149

↓ Dana Bozzato Home – 519-237-3857 Cell – 519-524-0183

Principal ↓

Crisis Response Team Members (as needed) See template of CRT members at back of package.

School Team ↓

School Staff ↓

Parish Priest

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MAY Activate

Level II In the event of a “crisis” that indirectly impacts school (e.g. death of staff member’s spouse, parent)

PRINCIPAL ↓

1. School Team 2. Staff 3. Consult with Team Leader

Consultation with Principal Communication with Superintendent with responsibility for Catholic Crisis Response Team and District team members Direct support of CCR team (deployed by District Team Leaders)

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PRINCIPAL’S CHECKLIST (death has occurred outside the school environment) • Verify or clarify the facts around the death and/or event (Level I & Level II support

network). • Initiate telephone tree of school team. • Meet with your School Crisis Response Team and collaboratively outline roles of

responsibility for each member. • Decide how classes should be informed. • Establish a designate to act as contact with the family re: special considerations and

funeral wishes. Parental/Guardian distress is great and parents/guardians may be understandably reluctant to discuss the death of their child with a person unknown to them; therefore it is important that the designated contact person be someone with whom they are familiar, e.g. principal, classroom teacher, or person in the ethnic community

• Gather staff for prayer and sharing of information. • Prepare a written announcement that should be given to teachers.

(DO NOT USE THE P.A. SYSTEM) This announcement should be given apart from other school business. It should include:

o Who died o Accurate account of the details of the death and/or traumatic event o Who the individual is in relation to the school (e.g. Gr. 4 – Mrs.

Smith) o Share your feelings of grief and personal remembrances o Prayer (see Appendix 1)

• Prepare as soon as possible a supportive, Catholic letter to be given to each family of the school community. This could include: the name of the deceased, the relation to the school, the circumstances of the death, and funeral arrangements if they are known. Direct permission from the family to share facts must be in place. (Appendix 2 – Sample Letter)

• Call your CSAC Chairperson to share information of student death and circumstances of the death.

• If necessary, hold a follow-up staff meeting as soon as the staff can be gathered together, to share up-to-date information.

• Target groups of students or staff at risk and in need of support. • Arrange a location where they can go to receive that support and/or call

parent/guardian as deemed necessary. • If applicable, contact the Director’s Office regarding communication to the media. • Reconvene Catholic Crisis Response Team at the end of the day to debrief and

reassess the situation and further revise/organize plan and future action.

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Death of a Student at School or During a School Event (communication does not happen until permission and verification is given by the family)

• Immediate Response: attend to the student and call 911 (Principal/designate or

school representative goes to hospital with student (familiar with family); • Principal/Designate contacts parents/guardians of the student; • Relocate students/classmates to safe and secure location initiating school lockdown

(to facilitate safe entry of ambulance, emergency response team); • Secure the scene – (it may become a crime scene); • Principal/designate phones immediate supervisor (SO or Director) for Crisis

Intervention support (team is notified); • Contact parish priest; • Director/SO communicates event and direction for next steps – follow Media

Relations Policy 3E:27; • Principal and classroom teacher speak to students initially affected (few details); • At first immediate opportunity, the staff is informed of the situation and factual

details; • Police will take statements from those present at the scene. This will always include

the Principal of the school but may not include staff who were not at the scene; • Principal needs to be aware that a death affects a wide range of people – let co-

terminus board/other schools know about the death (family member, relatives, etc.); • In order to inform colleagues (only) of death of student, posting of this information

can be posted on LLC; • Parents of immediate class/students affected are contacted to inform them of the

death and invite them to come to be with their child/or to bring child home (be cognizant of immediate relatives within the school);

• Get staff together again to update status of student/next steps; • Continue with Principal Checklist for a death that has occurred outside the

school STEPS FOR RESPONDING TO A COMPLETED SUICIDE Respond to the completed suicide within 24 hours or as soon as possible by referring to the Suicide Response Protocol January 2015.

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RESPONSE TO THE DEATH OF A KEY MEMBER OF THE COMMUNITY

(When more than one school is involved in the crisis response)

Expected Situations • Death of a student with immediate family members in more than one school. • Death of a public figure who may be a member of more than one school community

(e.g., pastor, trustee, supervisory officer, member of parliament, member of municipal council, usually including persons who have recently retired from those positions)

Checklist • Consider each item in the Principal’s checklist on page 4 of the Crisis Response

Guideline, and implement as appropriate. • Principals of all affected schools should communicate, and as far as possible

(respecting the significant differences between elementary and secondary students), implement similar procedures, especially regarding the following matter: o Students should be informed in an appropriate manner. Principals should call

together all staff members, inform them of the situation, and give them written information.

o All families in all affected communities should be informed by means of a written announcement.

o Principals of all affected schools should make similar arrangements for students to participate in the wake and funeral Mass (e.g., “Parents are encouraged to make arrangements for their children to attend the wake or funeral as desired”)

o Principals of all affected schools should be mutually aware of arrangements for participation of appropriate school staff members to attend the wake and funeral Mass (e.g., a member of the administration of each school will attend the funeral, or the teachers of affected classes, etc.)

o Principals of all affected schools should be mutually aware of arrangements for observances such as memorial services at all schools.

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INITIAL STAFF MEETING

1. Introduction of Crisis Response Team Members & purpose of support (support staff as news is shared with students; support individual/small groups of students; support with regular school day routines; disseminate information to the broader community (i.e. letters/phone calls home).

2. Open with a prayer (see Appendix I). 3. Clarify facts around the death and/or event. 4. Staff will explain to students in a factual way about the circumstance around the

tragedy. Reinforce with staff that showing emotions is acceptable. Encourage staff to spend no more than 20 minutes on this conversation and end with a prayer for the deceased/family.

5. Review with staff the various responses that students have in regards to grief (developmental stages) Refer to “Strategies for Dealing with Students” and “Developmental Stages in Response to Grief”.

6. Review with the staff various options for helping students express their grief (letter writing, picture drawing, card/prayer making, etc.). Provide resources via ‘The Crisis Response Kit’ of books on this theme.

7. Invite staff/students to consider creating a memorial space within the school if deemed appropriate

8. Invite staff/students to participate in a prayer service 9. With staff, create an “impact list” of other students within the school that may have

recently suffered a loss or crisis that may be directly impacted by the event. 10. Advise the staff regarding procedures for contacting the School Crisis Team should a

student(s) and/or staff member need immediate support. 11. Encourage staff to access their Employee Assistance Program for additional support

as needed.

ADDITIONAL POINTS TO CONSIDER AFTER INITIAL STAFF MEETING

• Give the staff any new information available around the death and the wishes of the

family concerning visitation and funeral arrangements. • Continue to clarify and outline the roles of the Catholic Crisis Response Team. • Discuss an appropriate response that the school might make (e.g. Mass Cards, floral

arrangement, bereavement icon, choir and attendance at funeral). • Notify other schools that may be involved (siblings of the student/children of the

teacher). • Set up a system to contact absent teachers/students if appropriate. • Review upcoming events that may need to be cancelled. • Arrange supply coverage for teachers or other appropriate personnel. • Discuss the planning of liturgies, spiritual support, etc. • Discuss with the students a meaningful way to express their acknowledgment of the

death of a student. At the elementary level this would involve placing some

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appropriate symbol(s) at the student’s desk. At the secondary level it would involve placing some symbol(s) in the school chapel.

• In consultation with the family of the deceased person, visiting the funeral home may also be an appropriate way for students to pay their last respects to a peer or teacher who had died, especially for students in secondary school. In such instances, staff members from chaplaincy and/or guidance may wish to be available at the funeral home, to help students appropriately express their grief, to monitor students’ grief reactions, as well as to help monitor numbers of students present. The wishes of the family of the deceased must always be considered first in such circumstances.

• Give an opportunity to the staff to discuss the reaction of the students in the classroom, as some students and teachers may need additional support in dealing with the death.

• Identify those who need support in the bereavement process and draw upon the Board Crisis Response Resources to assess the need for further support.

• At an appropriate time collect the students effects, including books, papers, artwork, and articles of clothing. Place them in a suitable container, such as a storage box or large envelope. The Principal may wish to remove material that might upset family members.

• About a week after the funeral, call the parents/guardians and ask when it would be convenient for you to return the students personal effects. Do not require the parents/guardians to come to the school.

• Arrange with the Board Office for appropriate disposition of the student’s cumulative folder, permanent records card and other data.

• See to it that the student’s name is removed from current paper and electronic files. • Prior to establishing a procedure for handling memorial requests, such as plaques,

paintings, or such, check with the family as to their wishes. • In the event that students are excessively upset, arrangements could be made to

provide parental support. A parent meeting may be arranged to provide guidance in dealing with their son or daughter’s grief.

The Grieving Process

A healthy grieving process involves: 1. Accepting that the loss is real 2. Experiencing the pain of the loss 3. Adjusting to the changed environment 4. Reinvesting emotional energy into other

relationships or activities 5. Reconciling and forgiving

“The journey of the grieving process is open-ended.

There are no set timelines for expressing feelings and no one way to express them.

Each person’s grief journey is unique, just as the gift of each life is unique and a precious part of God’s creation.”

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STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH STUDENTS

DO DON’T

1. Share your faith with the students to facilitate their growth in faith.

1. Don’t link suffering and death with guilt, punishment and sin. God is not vengeful.

2. Share your own feelings and tell about your own memories of the student but don’t idealize the deceased student.

2. Don’t look for something positive in the situation but do affirm our hope in Christ.

3. Develop an environment in which students feel comfortable to ask any questions, and are completely confident of receiving an honest answer.

3. Don’t force a student to participate in a discussion.

4. Be sensitive to cultural differences in responses to death and help students become aware of culturally appropriate behaviour.

4. Don’t be judgmental.

5. Use correct terminology related to death.

5. Don’t lecture. It is not the time to make a point or moralize.

6. Listen and empathize. Make sure you hear what is said and not what you think the student ought to have said.

6. Don’t say “I know how you feel” unless you do.

7. Say “I don’t know” when you don’t know.

7. Don’t avoid discussion because you are uncomfortable and unable to cope with your own feelings about death. Ask for help when you feel you need it.

8. Maintain, as much as possible, discipline, a sense of community, and care-giving.

8. Don’t force a ‘regular day’ upon grieving students, but at the same time don’t allow the class to be totally unstructured. Offer choices of activities e.g., letters, journals, cards and discussion.

9. Maintain a sympathetic attitude toward the student’s age appropriate responses.

9. Don’t expect adult responses from all students. Their grief responses may seem inappropriate to you.

10. Allow the students to express as much grief as they are able or are willing to share with you.

10. Don’t overwhelm the family with phone calls; choose a school spokesperson to remain in contact with the family.

11. Always ask for support if you feel you need it.

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DEVELOPMENTAL STAGES IN RESPONSE TO GRIEF There is a wide variability in individuals’ responses, even from those of the same age. The variety of circumstances surrounding the crisis event can also affect the response of an individual. 5-9 years Fear personification of death – skeletons and ghosts, fear of graveyards, haunted houses, ‘bad’ people, darkness and being alone. They may know the body decays but believe the spirit still lives. Talk openly to clear up misconceptions and lessen fears. Reassure children that they will be cared for. Accept that their level of conceptual understanding necessitates a concrete view of death. 10-14 years Children are beginning to understand and accept a mature realistic explanation of death as final and inevitable. They are developing their independence from parents but are not yet fully established as individuals. Consequently, a death, especially of a peer, can cause considerable distress based on fear for their own security. They may refuse to believe that they are mortal. Teach: 1. It is normal to feel sad, angry and lonely; 2. It is all right to cry openly and talk about a death; 3. There is a need to say ‘goodbye’; 4. It is normal to be preoccupied with one’s own mortality and fear of death. 15-18 years Teens are beginning to understand the issues of death, war, abortion, suicide, and other more serious issues. They are moving to a more abstract level of thinking and yet their tendency is to react – especially with death of a peer – in a highly dramatic, intense fashion with a reliance on personalized rituals and symbols. Due to nervous reaction their responses can be unpredictable: with-drawl, denial, even laughter. Adult The variety of grief responses in adults is related to values and previous losses. Although adult cognition allows an older person to reason abstractly, the degree to which personal support systems (i.e. friends, religion, etc.) are firmly in place can determine the nature of the grief. At the same time, adults have at their disposal a large variety of strategies, which they can use to avoid grieving. The perceived need to remain ‘in control’ often causes adults to circumvent the nature grief process. Temporary responses include such behaviours as: • over-activity with no apparent sense of grief; • inertia and indecisiveness; • increased emotionality or suppression of all feelings; • being prone to illness; • increased isolation; • feelings of depression.

Colleagues should be watchful for grief responses, and be supportive and caring of their co-workers as they move through the grief process – together.

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CULTURAL DIFFERENCES IN RESPONSE TO BEREAVEMENT Cultures differ in their expressions of grief and the traditions associated with death. It is important for the Catholic Crisis Response Team to be aware of relevant practices and to ensure that the school’s response to the death respects culturally appropriate behaviour. HOW YOUNG PEOPLE CAN HELP A FRIEND WHO IS GRIEVING? When someone you know dies it can change your life forever. If this happens to a friend you may notice changes such as moodiness, bursts of anger or crying, a loss of interest in things they were involved in before. These signs can begin even a long time after the death and may continue for a long time. Everyone grieves differently. There are ways a friend can help. In the first few days after the death: Send a card or note expressing your sadness and concern. Send flowers to your friend. Attend the funeral or funeral home visitation with your family, friends or teachers. Sign the guest book. If you are unsure what to do at a funeral or visitation ask your parents, teachers, a

funeral director, or church leader. When you see your friend all you have to say is, “I’m sorry.” Shake hands, put

your arm around their shoulder or hug if you want to. Offer to help in some way such as to care for a pet temporarily if it is okay with

your parents and friend’s parents. After the funeral: Treat your friend the same as usual but don’t pretend nothing happened. Acknowledge your friends feelings, let them talk or express their feelings. Include your friend in activities but recognize they may need to be alone

sometimes. If you say something that hurts, make a brief apology and continue on. Don’t

make a big deal about it. It does not help to say you know what your friend is going through. Remember that some dates such as weekends, anniversaries, family holidays,

activities to honour the deceased will be difficult. Listen as many times as needed to your friend tell the story of what happened. Be

a good listener. Cry if you feel like it. Give hugs. Laugh and have fun – it is okay even when you are grieving. Share memories of the person who died. Keep routines and circumstances the same to provide security. Be prepared for

times your friend may not feel able to keep commitments. Understand that school marks and participation may decline for a while, this will

not continue forever.

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Ask how you may be helpful. The suggestions of your friend or their family can guide you.

Support your friend in talking to a teacher, counselor or other adult. Tell an adult if you are concerned about your friend or think your friend needs

help. Recognize that your friend will be more sensitive to other losses (loss can mean a

family separation, move to a new home, loss of a friend, a pet, jewelry, a toy). Read material from your school library on grief. Groups for bereaved students may be available. It can be helpful to share with

others grieving loses. ADULTS & GRIEF Adults cognitive skills allow us to reason abstractly, but the variety of grief responses are largely due to how previous losses have or have not been resolved. The degree to which personal support systems are in place can determine the nature and expression of grief. Adults also have a variety of strategies to avoid grief. The perceived need to be in control often causes adults to circumvent the natural grief process. Unhealthy responses include: After a day of caring for your students, remember that you too have been

traumatized. Expect that the incident will bother you. Give yourself permission to rest, relax and recover. Allow time to heal. Avoid self-medicating with alcohol or drugs Seek out family, friends and co-workers. Talk about your experience and how you are feeling with people you trust. Try not to fixate on the incident – take time to do things you enjoy. Do something physical – work out, take a long walk, etc. Celebrate life! Eat well and regularly. Take time to have fun, engage in activities which make you feel good. Obtain professional help if you are bothered by too much stress.

“There is an importance and need for prayer in dealing with the losses of our lives. Faith and hope in God’s great love for us provide the foundation for meaningful prayer. When the loss is a death ceremonies of remembrance bring healing.”

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APPENDIX

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LITURGICAL RESOURCES At the time of a death, the community of believers gathers in prayer to give support to those in grief and to bring hope to one another. In prayer we are aware of God’s love, help, and grace present among us as a community, especially at this time of deep sadness. OPTION 1 (Immediate Prayer Celebration) The following Prayer Celebration is a possible resource to be used in the event of a death. Generally time will need to be given to allow persons to respond and express feelings and thoughts regarding the loss. It might be appropriate then to gather for prayer and reflection. The space for celebration should be set up using candles and the Bible. The single candle calls to mind the Easter candle, symbol of Christ’s victory over death; two candles create a sense of the altar, symbol of God’s presence among God’s people. A votive candle may be lit and left burning as a sign of our prayers continuing to rise before God’s presence. The centrality of the Bible highlights the source of our hope. OPENING PRAYER Lord those who die still live in your presence and your saints rejoice in complete happiness. Listen to our prayers for N , your daughter/son who has passed from the light of this world, and bring her/him to the joy of eternal radiance. Grant this through Christ our Lord. Amen. READINGS (Choose one of the following. Shortened versions of the following readings may be chosen for use with younger students) THESSALONIANS 4: A Reading from the First Letter of Paul to the Thessalonians We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who have died, So that you may not grieve as other do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring back those who have died. For this we declare to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, Who are left until the coming of the Lord, will by no means precede those who have died.

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For the Lord himself, with a cry of command, with the archangel’s call and with the sound of God’s trumpet, Will descend from heaven, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them To meet the Lord; and so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore, encourage one another with these words. The Word of the Lord. OR ROMANS 6 A Reading from the Letter of Paul to the Romans Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? Therefore we have been buried with him by baptism into death so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in the newness of life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be destroyed, and we might no longer be enslaved to sin. For whoever had died is freed from son. But, if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has domination over him. The Word of the Lord. OR MATTHEW 5 A Reading from the Holy Gospel According to Matthew When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him. Then, he began to speak, and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” The Word of the Lord.

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PSALM RESPONSE: (choose one of the following) PSALM 27 Response The Lord is my light and my help The Lord is my light and my help; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; before whom should I fear? Response: The Lord is my light and my help There is one thing I ask of the Lord, for this I long, to live in the house of the Lord, all the days of my life, To savour the sweetness of the Lord, to behold God’s temple. Response: The Lord is my light and my help O Lord, hear my voice when I call; have mercy and answer. It is your face, O Lord, that I seek; hide not your face. Response: The Lord is my light and my help I am sure I shall see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living. Hope in the Lord, hold firm and take heart. Hope in the Lord! Response: The Lord is my light and my help OR PSALM 103: Response: God is Compassion and Love God is tender and caring, slow to anger and rich in love. God will not accuse us long, nor bring our sins to trial. Response: God is Compassion and Love As tender as a parent to a child, so gentle is God to believers. The Lord knows how we are made, remembers we are dust. Response: God is Compassion and Love Out days pass by like grass, our prime like a flower in bloom. A wind comes, the flower goes, empty now in its place. Response: God is Compassion and Love God’s love is from all ages, God’s justice beyond all time for believers of each generation: Those who keep the covenant, who take care to live in the law. Response: God is Compassion and Love

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REFLECTION (The following thoughts are possible suggestions of what might be said regarding the death of the person). We are taken by grief. We have suffered a great loss. But we do not grieve without hope. It hurts us to have lost N , but we trust that s/he is safe in God’s loving care. The faith that we have in Jesus is not just for the good times. He himself suffered and died. And his message to us in His resurrection is that love and life have conquered death. Death is not the final word. It does not wipe out love. Our love for N and his/her love for us are not eliminated. We are still joined in God and our prayers go with her/him and her/his prayers come to us. Some of us feel very much the emptiness that N’s death leaves in our lives. But we are not abandoned. Jesus does not leave us orphans. His Spirit is with each one of us. And he hopes that we will reach out to one another. We need support and caring in this difficult time. We need to be able to lean on one another as brothers and sisters in Jesus. In our sorrow we need to feel our loving God’s care. We can trust that every sign of peace that we offer to another will become a comfort for ourselves. PRAYER OF THE FAITHFUL O God, hear the prayers we offer in our sorrow. As we believe that N is now living in your kingdom, so one day may we join him/her and together share the joy of eternal life. We pray to the Lord. (Response: Lord Hear Our Prayer) O God, we entrust to you N whom you loved so much in this life. Welcome him/her into paradise where there will be no more weeping or pain but peace and joy with your Son and the Holy Spirit for ever and ever. We pray to the Lord. (Response: Lord Hear Our Prayer) Let our faith be our consolation and eternal life our hope in this time of sorrow. We pray to the Lord. (Response: Lord Hear Our Prayer)

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Lord, in this time of suffering be with us. Lift us out of the shadows of our sorrow into the light of your hope. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen. THE LORD’S PRAYER Let us pray together the prayer that Jesus taught us… Our Father… CLOSING HYMN: Any appropriate song from the list of liturgical music resources.

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LITURGICAL RESOURCES OPTION 2: SUGGESTED PRAYER SERVICE FOR CHILDREN GREETING May grace, mercy and peace by yours from our Creator God and Christ Jesus our Lord. ALL: Amen. READING: Isaiah 25:8-9 Our loving God will wipe away the tears from every cheek; God will take away the people’s shame everywhere on earth, for our Saviour had promised to be with us. On that day, it will be said: See this our God in whom we hope. We rejoice that God has saved us. The word of the Lord. Thanks be to God. PSALM 142: The response is: O God, Listen to Our Prayer Turn your ear to our prayer. You are faithful; you are just. Response: O God, Listen to Our Prayer Do not call our friend to judgment. You are the just one. Response: O God, Listen to Our Prayer O God, hurry and answer our prayer for your help. Our Spirit is sad within us. Response: O God, Listen to Our Prayer In the mourning let us know your love, For we put our trust in you. Response: O God, Listen to Our Prayer

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GOSPEL READING John 11:23-27 “Your brother, Lazarus,” said Jesus to her, “will rise again.” Martha said, “I know he will rise again at the resurrection on that last day”. Jesus said: “I am the Resurrection and the life, and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” “Yes, Lord,” she said, “I believe that you are the Christ, the one who was to come into this world.” The Gospel of the Lord. Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ. PRAYER FOR THE DECEASED PERSON We pray for N who is now alive with you. Let him/her be truly happy and peaceful. Let him/her live forever with all your saints. Guard him/her from all harm, and on that great day of resurrection, raise him/her up with all your saints. Pardon his/her sins and give him/her eternal life with you. (We ask this) through our beloved friend, Jesus Christ. R. Amen. THE LORD’S PRAYER Let us pray in the words that Jesus taught us. Our Father… CLOSING PRAYER Loving God, Have mercy on your beloved people. Help us to carry our cross with Jesus and to accept your will. Let your Holy Spirit be with us in this time of sorrow. Have mercy on N , and help us to place our trust in you. We ask this grace through Christ our Lord. Amen.

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LITURGICAL RESOURCES OPTION 3: SUGGESTED PRAYER SERVICE FOR SECONDARY SCHOOL AND ADULTS GREETING May grace, mercy and peace be yours from our Creator God and Christ Jesus our Lord. ALL: Amen. READING Romans 6:3-4; 8-9 Are you not aware that we who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? Through baptism into his death we were buried with him so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead, we too might live in new life. The Word of the Lord. Thanks be to God. PSALM 27: The response is: The Lord is my light and my salvation. The Lord is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear? The Lord is my life’s refuge; of whom should I be afraid? Response: The Lord is my light and my salvation. One thing I ask of the Lord; this I seek: To dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, that I may gaze on the loveliness of the Lord and contemplate his temple. Response: The Lord is my light and my salvation. Hear, O Lord, the sound of my call: have pity on me, and answer me. Your presence, O Lord, I seek. Hide not your face from me; do not in anger repel your servant. Response: The Lord is my light and my salvation. I believe that I shall see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait or the Lord with courage; be stout hearted, and wait for the Lord. Response: The Lord is my light and my salvation.

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GOSPEL READING John 11:23-27 “Your brother, Lazarus,” said Jesus to her, “will rise again.” Martha said, “I know he will rise again at the resurrection on that last day”. Jesus said: “I am the Resurrection and the life, and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” “Yes, Lord,” she said, “I believe that you are the Christ, the one who was to come into this world.” PRAYER FOR THE DECEASED PERSON Eternal God, hear our prayers for your son/daughter, N whom you have called from this life to yourself. Grant him/her light, happiness and peace. Let him/her pass in safety through the gates of death, and live forever with all your saints in the light you promised to Abraham and to all his descendents in faith. Guard him/her from all harm and on that great day of resurrection, raise him/her up with all your saints. Pardon his/her sins and give him/her eternal life in your eternal household. (We ask this) through Christ our Lord. R. Amen. THE LORD’S PRAYER Let us pray in the words that Jesus taught us. Our Father… CLOSING PRAYER Loving God, Have mercy on your beloved people. Help us to carry our cross with Jesus and to accept your will. Let you Holy Spirit be with us in this time of sorrow. Have mercy on N , and help us to place our trust in you. We ask this grace through Christ our Lord. Amen. FUNERAL MASS OR SCHOOL MEMORIAL MASS In planning a Eucharistic Celebration with Children, the use of the Canadian Bishops’ Directory for Masses with Children and Eucharistic Prayers from Masses with Children can be most beneficial. Directory for Masses with Children. National Liturgical Office, Concacan Inc., Ottawa, 1985. Masses with Children. Canadian Catholic Conference, Ottawa, 1975.

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Suggested Readings: 1st Reading: Job 19: 23-27a I know that my redeemer lives. Wisdom 3: 1-6 He accepted them as a holocaust. Isaiah 25: 6-10 The Lord God will destroy death for ever. Isaiah 43: 1-4 “I have called you by name; you are mine.” Daniel 12: 1-3 Of those who lie sleeping many will awake. Maccabees 12:43-46 It is good and holy to think of the dead arising again. Responsorial Psalm: Psalm 23 The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I shall want. Psalm 24 To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. Psalm 26 The Lord is my light and my help. Psalm 103 The Lord is compassion and love. Psalm 114-115 I will walk in the presence of the Lord in the land of the

living. Psalm 142 Lord, listen to my prayer. 2nd Reading: Acts 10: 37-43 God had appointed Jesus to judge everyone, alive and dead. Romans 5: 5-11 The love of God had been poured out in our hearts. Romans 6: 3-9 Let us walk in newness of life. Romans 8: 31-35, 37-39 Nothing can come between us and the love of Christ. 2 Corinthians 5: 1, 6-10 We have an everlasting home in heaven. 1 Thessalonians 4: 13-18 We shall stay with the Lord forever. 2 Timothy 2: 8-13 If we have died with him then we shall live with him. 1 John 3: 1-2 We shall see him as he really is. Revelations 21: 1-7 There will be no more death. Gospel Matthew 5: 1-12 Your reward will be great in heaven. Matthew 25: 1-13 Go out and meet the bridegroom. Luke 23: 33, 39-43 Today, you will be with me in paradise. John 6: 37-40 Whoever believes in Jesus has eternal life. John 6: 51-59 Anyone who eats this bread will live forever. John 11: 21-27 I am the resurrection and the life. John 12: 23-26 The grain of wheat that dies yields a rich harvest. John 14: 1-6 There are many rooms in God’s house.

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MUSIC RESOURCES CCCB PUBLICATION SERVICE Catholic Book of Worship II and III NORTH AMERICAN LITURGY RESOURCE 1. Young People’s Glory and Praise 2. Glory and Praise (Volume 1, 2 & 3) OREGON CATHOLIC PRESS MUSIC RESOURCES 1. Spirit and Song 2. Breaking Bread 3. Rise Up and Sing (in school libraries) MUSIC for the Born of the Spirit Catechetical Series (Grades 1 – 8 Religion Programs – Music cassettes for each program) GIA Publications, Inc., Chicago Gather (there are four volumes in the complete set) The following is a list of hymns that might be useful for your liturgy planning: 1. Abba Father 2. Be Not Afraid 3. Blest Be the Lord 4. Children of the Light 5. Come to Me 6. Hosea 7. I Will Never Forget You 8. Here I Am, Lord 9. I Am the Bread of Life

10. Life a Shepherd 11. On Eagle’s Wings 12. Only in God 13. Seek Ye First 14. Though the Mountains May Fall 15. We Rise Again 16. You Are Mine 17. You Are Near

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SAMPLE STAFF MEETING PRAYERS When re-writing these sample letters below to make it more personal, please make reference to our Catholic faith community and the supportive role that our faith plays in times of tragedy. Also reference Suicide Response Protocol for other samples Loving Jesus, You cried when your friend Lazarus died. You understand our grief. Please send us your Holy Spirit in these difficult times and teach us to help one another. Give special comfort to each of us who are feeling this loss. Deepen our faith so we may trust that N , who was reborn with you in the waters of Baptism, lives now with you forever in your household. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen. SAMPLE PRAYER FOR SCHOOL ANNOUNCEMENT When Someone Dies God of kindness and mercy, You created us so we could share in your eternal life and happiness. Please welcome into your house N who has just left this world. We ask you this through Christ our Lord, Amen. Alternative prayer in sensitive situations such as death by suicide, etc. God of mercy and love, your son Jesus assured us that in your house there are many mansions and He came to show us the way. May Jesus guide to eternal life at your side, N , who has just left this world, for Jesus lives with you and the Holy Spirit forever and ever. Amen. Sample Announcement to School We at <insert school name> are a family. Families share their good times and joys as well as their sad times. Today is a sad time for all of us because we have lost one of our members. Last night <insert name> died <insert context>. This is a great shock to all of us and we are going to miss him/her as part of our school family. His/her own family will need your prayers and kind words. Please remember <insert name> and his/her family as we say this prayer together. Lord Jesus, please give us the strength to withstand this grief. Bless <name> ‘s family and help them to be able to give each other the support and love that they need at this time. May <name>‘s soul rest in peace. Amen. Please join me in reciting the Lord’s Prayer for the repose of the soul of our friend <name>. SAMPLE CLASSROOM PRAYER God, help me to remember that death is like a door that we go through to get to heaven. It is really part of life. When someone goes through the door of death, that does not mean that the person no longer loves us. In a special way, being with God, the love and caring for us is greater than ever. Help me to remember that love is stronger than death. I must remember, God, that You always care for me. I trust in you I love you. Amen.

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SAMPLE NOTICE TO PARENTS/GUARDIANS Sample Letters to School Community Announcing a Death Today is a very sad day for all of us as we have lost a member of our school community. <insert name>, a grade x student, died yesterday. <Detail i.e. after a prolonged illness, in an automobile accident, unexpectedly, etc.>. The school family grieves with the <insert name> family at this difficult time in their lives. Children respond in different ways to a tragic event. Your child may have questions for you as he/she attempts to understand what has happened. The school will be helping your child to deal with the situation through classroom discussions and activities. System staff is available at the school to support children, staff or parents who may have additional concerns. <Insert information about the scheduling of visitations or the funeral mass if known and permitted by the family.> As a family, we share joy as well as sorrow. We ask God for the added strength and love to assist us, and especially the <insert name> family, in this time of need. Or We regret to inform you of the death of one of our students. <Name>, a grade x student, <details of death>. Please join us in offering prayers for <name>, and for the comfort of his/her family.

7:00 – 9:00 pm – Thursday, May 14th – Visitation at:

Smith Funeral Home 123 Any Road Local Town

11:00 am – Friday, May 15th – Mass of Christian Burial

St. Gabriel Church, address

May 12, 2007 Principal Sample Letter Regarding Attendance at Funeral - Elementary School Dear Parents:

The Mass of Christian Burial for ____________________ is scheduled for

____________________________________________________________________, on

(insert name) (insert time)

_________________________ at _________________________. The family has invited

(insert date) (insert Church) classmates to participate. If after discussion with your child,

he/she wishes to attend, the family would certainly appreciate your presence.

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** Principal must consider what staff will attend, what school programs and classes will continue to operate, will school facilitate transportation, should parents attend with their child, must parents sign a permission form to allow their child to attend, will staff supervise students?**

(Principal) Secondary School Dear Parents:

The Mass of Christian Burial for ___________________________ is scheduled for

____________________________________________________________________, on

(insert name) (insert time)

______________________________ at ______________________________. The

__________________________________________________________________family

(insert date) (insert Church)

have indicated that students and staff are welcome to attend.

** Principal must consider if school will facilitate transportation, will staff supervise at

the Funeral, what school programs will operate, what staff will remain at the school, must parents grant permission for students to attend?** (Principal)

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RESOURCES FOR TEACHERS Suggestions for Classroom Activities After a Loss • Creating a prayer • Writing a eulogy • Writing classroom memories to the family • Designing a yearbook page commemorating the deceased • Honouring the deceased by collecting memorabilia for the trophy cabinet • Writing stories about the victim or the incident • Debating the controversial issues • Creating a class banner in memoriam, a sign for the school, or a bulleting board in

memory of the deceased • Discussing ways to cope with traumatic situations • Discussing the stages of grief • Starting a new activity, or awareness group, in attempting to prevent the reoccurrence

of such tragedies (such as a SADD unit of a child was killed by a drunk driver) • Encouraging students to keep a journal of events and of their reactions, especially in

an ongoing situation • Placing a collection box in the class for notes to the family • Urging students to write the thing they wish they could have said to the deceased • Composing and performing a song in memory of the deceased • Discussing alternatives for coping with depression, if suicide is involved see: Suicide

Response Protocol • Analyzing why people take drugs and suggesting ways to help abusers, if substance

abuse related • Writing a reflection paper • Encouraging mutual support • Directing energy to creative pursuits, exercise or verbal expression when anger arises “By placing faith at the heart of the

grieving process and by reminding them that Jesus always walks with us, even in life’s darkest moments, you can help your students find their way through grief towards meaning and hope.”

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COMMON REACTIONS TO GRIEF/TRAUMA When someone we know dies suddenly… At First: It is hard to really believe it happened. We have thoughts we never had before. We have questions we never thought

about before or had to ask. We sometimes get sick, find it hard to sleep, have nightmares, and find it hard to

pay attention in class. We sometimes are confused because we feel numb or because we do not seem to

react the same way others are reacting. At the Memorial Service and Funeral: We sometimes feel shaky inside, our hearts pound, or we sweat. We worry about what to say, or worry that we cannot seem to say anything, or

that we may say something wrong. We sometimes are confused about what is happening. We sometimes are mad with how others are acting or do not understand why they

are acting like they are. Sometimes at the casket it can seem as if the person who dies is breathing. This is

not real. It is hard to believe our best friend or loved one is dead. Sometimes when we are at the service we wish we were someplace else.

Weeks or Months Later: We may have a few reactions, or we may have reactions weeks, even months

later, that we never had before. We may start thinking about what happened, start dreaming about what happened

or start worrying about someone else close to us dying. We may sometimes see someone else who looks just like the person who died and

think there is something wrong with us for thinking, just for a second, that who we saw was the person who died.

Sometimes we think we may have caused it or that we could have stopped it from happening.

Sometimes we are afraid to let anyone know we are still thinking about the person who died, or afraid to let anyone know what we are thinking.

We may just be very mad that this happened and at the same time feel bad that we are mad.

These are all common reactions which may happen right away or not for weeks or months. We all experience some of these reactions when someone we know dies.

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DEVELOPMENTAL UNDERSTANDING OF TRAUMA AND LOSS

Ages 2 – 5 Children in this age group see death as temporary, impersonal and reversible. They have little understanding of time. A day, a week, a year, or forever all seem the same. A child can miss a person who is gone and is very aware of non-verbal communication such as changes in their personal family routine or in the moods of others. Frequently, young children are concerned about the physical well being of the deceased wonder how they keep warm and get food after burial. They are not capable of cognitive reciprocity, they cannot learn outside the realm of their own experiences. They will react to death in light of their own experiences. Four and five year olds can be quite interested in dead things and may want to see and touch the deceased. It is not unusual for children of this age group to repeatedly ask the same questions about the deceased such as, “Will Billy be at school tomorrow?’ Although this can be frustrating to an adult, children get reassurance from hearing the same answer over and over. Many do not know how they should act so they confront visitors or strangers with statements like, “My daddy died,” in order to pick up clues on how to respond or react. At times, they may act as if death never happened, while at other times they may react in a regressive manner. These are all normal reactions. Ages 6 – 9 These latency-age children have more complex understanding of death and dying. They have begun to understand that death is forever, however their own increasing sense of power and control make it difficult for them to believe such a thing could ever happen to them. To them, death only takes other people. Death is personified in the forms of monsters, ghosts or other frightening creatures. This fantasy allows the child to hide or run away from it, thereby keeping him/her safe. Another characteristic of this age group that can be particularly troublesome for them is their tendency to engage in magical thinking. Children of this age will often think or wish “bad” things happened to other people. If a person they wished harm to should die, it could cause guilt and fear. Their lack of vocabulary to express how they feel is one of the reasons they act out these feelings in their behaviour. Children at this age have strong feelings of loss but have extreme difficulty expressing it. Crying, withdrawal, frightening dreams, aggressiveness, and misbehaviour are common. They often need permission to grieve; boys particularly have difficulty with this and frequently exhibit aggressive responses and play patterns. Ages 9 – 12 Children of this age group can understand and accept a mature, realistic explanation of death as final and inevitable. Normally, these children have short attention spans. It is typical for them to be crying, depressed one minute and playing as if nothing happened

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the next minute. This behaviour becomes an issue for a child in this age group when adults interpret it as if the child is not upset over the loss. Statements like, “how can you behave like that with your mother lying in her grave?” can intensify a child’s feelings of guilt and low self-worth. This disruptive nature of death is a prime egocentric concern of these children. Concerns such as who will take care of them or who will they play with are common. Although their vocabulary is advanced enough to express their feelings, they may not talk about what is bothering them. Instead, it will build up inside them and manifest itself in behaviour problems. School is a primary environment for these children so it is realistic to expect misbehaviour, lack of concentration and a drop in grades. Children at this age must be encouraged to talk about the loss and express their feelings. There is an interest and curiosity in the physical aspects of death and what happens after death. They may identify with the deceased and imitate their mannerisms. Boys in this age group are more aggressive in how they act out their feelings. Ages 13 – 18 Adolescents understand the meaning of death much like adults do. They realize that it is irreversible and that it happens to everyone. Adolescents appear to have the most difficulty making sense of death and dying. Unlike younger children, teenagers have the additional problems of frustration, anxiety, and confusion of normal puberty, which intensifies their grief. Death adds to the already conflicting feelings of unattractiveness, insecurity, not belonging, not being in control of self and surroundings. At a time when adolescents need to be comforted and supported, they are often put in the position of being the protector, comforter and caregiver. Statements such as, “We need to be strong,” make some adolescents feel they must be a comfort to others. By keeping their own emotions suppressed, they give the outward appearance that they are handling things well, while on the inside they are falling apart. Adolescents philosophize about life and death while they search for meaning to these mysteries. They also experience conflicting feelings about death. They may feel as if they are immune to death, while at the same time experi3ncing anxiety and fear over thoughts of their own death. Some adolescents challenge this fear by taking unnecessary chances with their own lives, such as playing dangerous games with automobiles, or abusing alcohol or drugs. Academic achievement and competition are also a part of the bereaved teen’s world. While they are trying to survive the death of someone in their lives, pressure exists to get good grades or get into the right college. Struggling with the death of someone often makes it difficult for adolescents to perceive the value others place on academics.

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Referral Behaviours If students exhibit any of the following reactions call your team members immediately. Someone from the team or assigned by the team will come to you and escort the student to the appropriate location. • Witness to or close friend of victim • Any disruptive behaviours • Students making threats to harm others (often happens following suicide, accidental

and violent incidents) • Any verbalizations of suicide (Refer to Suicide Response Protocol) • Uncontrollable crying • Any behaviour that appears unusual or inappropriate at the time • Students asking questions you cannot answer • Students who are preoccupied and or insistent on knowing all the details • Students indicating that they want to be with their friends or want to talk to a

counsellor • Students in the same grade, who know the victim, and appear detached, numb or

indifferent • Students who talk about having nightmares, not being able to sleep, feeling jittery,

confused, or unable to concentrate • History of emotional disturbance • Confusion or disorientation • Ritualistic behaviour • Expressed concern for safety of self or others. This is a useful list, but not absolutely definitive. When in doubt, call parent/guardian seek the opinion of others, especially your crisis response team.

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RESOURCES

LITERATURE ON THE THEME OF DEATH AND DYING

Prepared by: Mary McClennon, Consultant/Library Resource

Updated by: Janis Foley and Marisa Jokelainen

PREFACE: While death is a part of everyone’s life, the topic is often avoided with children. Through exposure to literature, students can deal with death in a non-threatening way and in the process, reflect upon its meaning in their own lives. This bibliography is intended to assist the teacher in selecting books to use as resources in the classroom. It is not suggested that a book be prescribed as an “antidote” for grief. A particular book might be helpful to a grieving student and this would be indicated in counseling. Professional Resources The following titles are suggested by Bereaved Families of Ontario, which is an Association of families who have lost a child through death. Albertson, Sandra, H Endings and Beginnings Ballantine Books, 1980. Colorosso, Barbara Parenting with wit and wisdom in times of chaos and

loss, Viking Press, 1999. Fine, Carla No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a

Loved One, Main Street Books 1999. Furman, Ema A Child’s Parent Dies: Studies in Childhood

Bereavement, Yale University Press, 1974. Gentle, Ian., Ed. Caring for the Dying and the Bereaved Anglican Book Centre, 1982. Grollman, Earl A. Living When A Loved One Has Died Beacon Press, 1977. Huntly, Theresa Helping Children Grieve When Someone They Love

Dies, Asusburg Fortress Pubs, 1991. Johnson, Joy Keys to Helping Children Deal with Grief Barron’s Educational Series, Incorporated, 1999.

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Kubler-Ross, Elizabeth On Children and Death Macmillan, 1983. Kubler-Ross, Elizabeth Remember the Secret Celestial Arts, 1982. Kushner, Harold, S. When Bad Things Happen to Good People Schoken, 1981. Leach, Christopher Letter to a Younger Son Dent, 1981. Le Shan, Edna Learning to Say Goodbye When a Parent Dies Macmillan, 1976. Levy, Erin Linn Children Are Not Paper Dolls The Publishers Mark, 1982. Linn, Erin I Know Just How You Feel… avoiding clichés on grief,

The Publishers Mark, 1986. Linn, Erin 150 Facts about Grieving Children The Publishers Mark, 1990. Lewis, C.S. A Grief Observed Seabury Press, 1961. Lord, Janice No Time For Goodbyes: Coping with Sorrow, Anger

and Injustice After a Tragic Death Pathfinder Publishing, 1995. Mallonie, Bryan Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to

Children, Bantam Books, 1983. Nouwen, Henri J.M. Out of Solitude: Three Meditations on the Christian

Life, Ave Maria Press, 1974. Pearson, Cynthia & Parting Company: Understanding the Loss of a Loved

One, Margaret Stubbs Seal Press, 1999. Rando, Therese How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies,

Bantam Books, 1988. Raring, Richard H. Crib Death: Scourge of Infants, Shame of Society Exposition Press, 1975.

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Rudolph, Marguerite Should the Children Know? Schoken, 1978. Schiff, Harriet Sarnoff The Bereaved Parent Penguin, 1977. Stein, Sara Bonnet About Dying: An Open Family Book for Parents and

Children Together, Walker & Co., 1974. Wolfelt, Alan A Child’s View of Grief (also available in video) Companion Press, June 1999. Zunin, Leonard & Hilary The Art of Condolence: What to Write, What to Say,

What to Do At a Time of Loss Harper Trade, June 1992. Picture Books (These resources are worthwhile for all ages, not just for primary) Aliki The Two of Them New York: Mulberry Books, 1979.

A beautifully illustrated book showing the reciprocal care given by a grandfather and granddaughter. When the grandfather dies, the granddaughter sees the cycle of life continue as his favourite trees bloom in spring.

Cohn, Janice I Had a Friend Named Peter William Morrow and Company, 1987.

Betsy learns about the death of a friend. Her parents and teachers answer her questions about dying, funerals and the burial process.

De Paola, Tomie Nana Upstairs and Nana Downstairs Puffin Books, 1973.

A touching story of a close, loving relationship between a child and his great grandmother. When Nana dies, Tommy’s mother comforts him with the knowledge that he will always have Nana in his memories.

Egger, Bettina Marianne’s Grandmother E.P. Dutton, 1987.

After the death of her grandmother, a young girl realizes that her love for her grandmother will always remain.

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Goble, Paul Beyond the Ridge New York: Bradbury Press, 1988. (Jr/Int/Sr)

The death of the body and everlasting life of the spirit is beautifully explained in this story of a native woman’s journey from her earthly to spiritual existence. Be certain to share the author’s notes regarding symbols and traditions of native peoples.

Gould, Deborah Grandpa’s Slideshow New York: Lothrop Lee and Shepard, 1987.

Highly recommended picture book, which takes the reader from the initial notification of and reaction to Grandpa’s death, to the wake, funeral, and the family gathering that follows. This book presents a realistic but very comforting account. The story ends with the family reviewing slides, which related “Grandpa’s life” in the context of his relationship with his family.

Hainley, Dennis Tigger and Friends New York: Lothrop Lee and Shepard, 1988.

Initially, Tigger is very jealous of the new cat, Thomas. When Thomas dies, Tigger realizes what a good friend Thomas had been and emulates Thomas’ gift of friendship when another cat is brought into the house.

Hickman, Martha W. Last Week My Brother, Anthony Died. Abingdon, 1984.

A picture book about the death of a 4-week old sibling. Jordon, Mary Kate Losing Uncle Tim Niles, Illinois: Albert Whitman, 1989.

In this very sensitive story, Uncle Tim is dying of AIDS. The story deals with a young boy’s experience as he helps his family care for this beloved Uncle Tim. It reassures the reader that one cannot catch AIDS by caring for someone with the disease.

McFarlane, Sheryl Waiting For the Whales Orca Book Publishers, 1991.

This book is set on the coast of British Columbia. With the help of her mother, a little girls learns to live with the loss of the grandfather with whom she lived. The orcas are a reminder of her grandfather because of his love for the magnificent creatures.

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Merrifield, Margaret Morning Light Stoddart Publishing, 1995.

This is an educational storybook for children and their caregivers about HIV/AIDS and the loss of a parent.

Sandford, Doris It Must Hurt a Lot Portland Oregon: Multnomah Press, 1986. (Primary)

The boy’s quilt (comforter) becomes the visual background for each page as the boy grieves for his dead dog.

Thurman, Chuck A Time for Remembering New York: Simon & Schuster, 1989. (Primary)

When his grandfather dies, a little boy is comforted by his memories of the times they had together.

Varley, Susanne Mr. Badger’s Parting Gift Fontana Picture Lions, 1984.

Mr. Badger is getting old. He tells his friends that one day he will be taking a long, long road. Just before the winter, when his friends come to call they discover that Badger had died. They are saddened, but as they begin to think of him, they discover that Badger has given a special gift to each and in this way he is remembered and cherished.

Viorst, Judith The Tenth Good Thing About Barney New York: Affadin, 1971.

When his cat, Barney dies, a little boy is comforted by thinking of ten good things about him. He can think of only nine until, after the funeral, when he discovers the tenth good thing – Barney is now helping the flowers grow.

Wilbreim, Hans I’ll Always Love You New York: Crown, 1985

Warmly illustrated story of the close relationship between a boy and his dog, Elfie. As the boy grows taller and stronger, Elfie grows rounder and weaker. When Elfie dies, the boy is consoled by the knowledge that every night he had told her “I’ll always love you”.

Wood, Douglas Grandad’s Prayers of the Earth Candlewick Press, 1999.

A granddad and his grandson take many walks in the woods together. The old man tells his grandson that the earth prays – the trees, the rocks, the clouds, the sky and the starts. All of creation prays in its own respective way. “Are our prayers answered?” asks the boy. One day after

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his granddad is gone, many years and many prayers later, he finds the answer to his own question.

Zolotow, Charlotte My Grandson Lew New York: Harper and Row, 1974.

A mother alleviates her son’s fears that he will forget about his grandfather by promising that they will share their memories of him.

Novels Adkins, Michael C. Orkon Was My Friend Image Publishing, 1984 (Primary)

The story of a little boy whose dearest friend has died. Babbit, Natalie Tuck Everlasting Collins/Bantam, 1975 (Jr./Int.)

A beautifully written fantasy about a 10 year old who discovers Tuck’s family secret – a fountain of eternal youth. Winnie must make a choice about staying young forever.

Buck, Pearl The Big Wave Harper & Row, 1974 (Jr./Int.)

(This book offers insight into the Japanese culture and attitudes towards life, love and death.) Jiya is sent safety before a tidal wave destroys his village and his family. His friend’s parents take him into their home and treat him as a son. Their understanding helps his work through the mourning process.

Buscaglia, Leo The Falls of Freddie the Leaf Charles B. Slack, 1982. (all ages)

An allegory on life and death. Freddie the leaf changes with the seasons. As he falls to the ground he sees the whole tree and is proud that he has been a part of it.

Calvert, Patricia The Hour of the Wolf Signet, 1985. (Int.)

Deals with teenage suicide. Jake physically survives a suicide attempt but it takes a trip to Alaska, the death of a new friend, and a 1000-mile dogsled trek to find himself.

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Cleaver, Vera/Bill Grover Signet, 1975. (Jr.)

When Grover’s mother is hospitalized everyone acts “too kindly” to him, except for his friend Ellen Grae who treats him as she always did. When his mother dies, Grover and his father are divided by their different reactions. Grover seeks “normalcy” while his father is enveloped in grief.

Hermes, Patricia You Shouldn’t Have to Say Goodbye New York: Scholastic, 1982.

The thirteen year old Sarah find it very difficult to face her mother’s imminent death from cancer.

Hughes, Monica Hunter in the Dark New York: Avon, 1982. (Int.)

When 16 year old Mike discovers he has lymphatic leukemia, he must cope with his parents’ inability to accept his condition and their over-protectiveness. He runs away to fulfill his wish for a “trophy”. Instead of killing the deer that he stalks, he confronts his fears. (Winner of 1983 Canada Council prize for children’s literature)

Klopfenstein, Janette Tell Me About Death, Mommy Herald Press, 1977. (all ages)

A young widow’s advice on how to help children understand death. Her faith plays a large part in her ability to survive the death of a young husband.

Lee, Virginia The Magic Moth New York: Clarion, 1972. (Jr.)

When a ten-year-old girl dies of a heart defect, her family shares the grief.

L’Engle, Madeleine. A Ring of Endless Light New York: Dell, 1980. (Gr. 6 and up)

Vicky Austin’s grandfather is dying from cancer. Vicky is consoled by her close-knit family and by her grandfather’s serene acceptance.

Little, Jean Mama’s Going to Buy You A Mockingbird Markham: Penguin, 1984. (Jr.)

Eleven-year old Jeremy is filled with repressed anger and grief following his father’s death and the subsequent changes in his life. Through an unlikely friendship, he

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comes to realize that his life will always be enriched by the memories of his father.

Lowry, Lois A Summer to Die Toronto: Bantam, 1987. (Gr. 6 and up)

An older artist and a young “hippie-like” couple help Meg through her sister’s illness and death. She comes to accept the realities of life and sees that although things will never be the same without Molly, life goes on and there are good things waiting to be experienced.

Mann, Peggy There Are Two Kinds of Terrible New York: Avon, 1987. (Jr.)

Robbie had always been closest to his mother. When she dies, Robbie finds it difficult to relate to his dad. Eventually Robbie comes to understand his father and to realize that his father needs him as much as he needs his father.

Mazer, Harry The Island Keeper New York: Dell, 1981. (Gr. 6 and up)

An unhappy teenager mourning the loss of her sister embarks upon a journey of self-discovery and realizes her own strength. She returns to civilization with a determination to be an active participant in life.

Mazer, Norma Fox A Figure of Speech New York: Dell, 1973. (Gr. 6 and up)

This novel looks at the loss of dignity brought about by “ageism”. Jenny’s love for and understanding of her grandfather comforts him and helps him live his last days as a person of worth.

Mazer, Norma Fox After the Rain New York: Avon, 1987. (Late Jr./Int.)

When Rachel finds out her grandfather is dying, she is determined to get to know and understand him better. Over time, they come to express their true feelings for each other and their bond of love helps each to cope with the death experience.

Orgel, Doris Mulberry Music Harper and Row. 1979. (Jr./Int.)

Eleven-year old Libby is very close to her independent grandmother and worries a great deal when she becomes ill. Libby manages to visit her grandmother in hospital

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although this is against the rules. When the grandmother dies, Libby plans the music for the funeral, knowing that Grandma’s favourite music will stay with her all her life along with her other memories.

Paterson, Katherine Bridge to Terabithia New York: Harper & Row, 1977.

This is a moving story of friendship between a young boy and girl who create an imaginary kingdom of “Terabithia”. When Leslie drowns, Jesse feels anger, guilt and sorrow. He has absorbed enough of her courage, however, to deal with her death and go on to share “Terabithia” with his little sister.

Smith, Doris Buchanan A Taste of Blackberries New York: Harper & Row, 1973. (Gr. 5 and up)

A young boy must cope with the sudden death of his friend, Jamie, from an allergic reaction to a bee-sting. His parents and Jamie’s family help him through the experience.

Smith, Doris B. Return to Bitter Creek Puffin, 1986. (Late Jr./Int.)

An excellent novel about a young girl’s struggle to understand her extended family and to cope with the death of her mentor and the reaction of her grieving mother.

Stolz, Mary The Edge of Next Year New York: Harper and Row, 1974. (Gr. 7 and up)

Members of a closely-knit family are stunned when the mother is killed in an accident. All the family members react differently. It is left to 13 year old Orin to provide some sense of stability (story deals with an alcoholic father).

Voigt, Cynthia Dicey’s Song New York: Fawcett Juniper, 1982.

This is a story of abandonment by parents and the warm commitment of a grandmother and granddaughter. The reunion with her dying mother helps Dicey understand her mother’s problem.

The following books are especially suitable for Secondary School Students: Adams, David W. & Coping with Childhood Cancer Eleanor J. Deveau Hamilton: Kinbridge Publications, 1984.

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Fry, Virginia Lynn Part of Me Died Too: Stories of Creative Survival

Among Bereaved Children and Teenagers Dutton Children’s Books, 1995. Gootman, Marilyn When a Friend Dies: A Book for Teens About Grieving

and Healing Minneapolis: Free Spirit Publishing Inc., 1994. Grollman, Earl A. Straight Talk About Death For Teenagers: How To

Cope With Losing Someone You Love Boston: Beacon Press, 1993. Hipp, Earl Help for Hard Times: Getting Through Loss Hazelden Information & Educational Services, 1995. Kolf, June Cerza Teenagers Talk About Grief Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1990. Oates, Wane E. Your Particular Grief Philadelphia: The Westminster Press, 1981. Schleifer, Jay Everything You Need to Know When Someone You

Know Has Been Killed The Rosen Publishing Group, Incorporated, 1998. Weiss, Stefanie Iris Everything You Need to Know About Dealing with

Losses The Rosen Publishing Group, Incorporated, 1998. These resources are addressed directly to the teenager who has experienced a death. You may wish to request the board’s Crisis Response Kit of books that address this topic.

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CRISIS RESPONSE TEAM CONTACT LIST

MEMBER HOME CELL WORK Gary O’Donnell

519-472-6346

519-301-1837

Board Office - 519-345-2440 ext. 309

Dana Bozzato

519 237-3857

519 524-0183

Board Office - 519 345-2440 ext. 323

Judy Merkel

519-393-8177

519-301-1499

St. Ambrose Catholic School - 519 271-7544

Aideen Moss

St. Anne’s CSS, Clinton - 519-482-5454

Dawne Boersen

519-273-7347

519-310-0664

Board Office - 519-345-2440 ext. 307

Lori Lynn Stapleton

519-200-2149

519-200-2149

Board Office - 519-345-2440 ext. 329

Allyson Austin

CAS Huron - 519-524-7356 ext. 3231

Rose Kling

CAS Perth - 519-271-5209 ext. 2238

Perth O.P.P.

Perth O.P.P. Detachment - 519-393-6123

Huron O.P.P.

Huron O.P.P. Detachment - 519-524-1074

Lisa Phillips

St. Anne’s CSS – Chaplaincy Leader 519-482-5454 ext. 118

Katey Chisholm

St. Michael’s CSS – Chaplaincy Leader 519-271-0890 ext. 1430

Updated January, 2012, Sept. 2014, February 2015, October 2015