B'nai Israel Memorial Park Guide & Policies

Since the 1950s Congregation B'nai Israel has operated its own cemetery, known as Congregation B'nai Israel Memorial Park. It is located on West Whitty Road near Old Freehold Road, on the other side of the Parkway overpass from the synagogue. (This is different from the Toms River Jewish Community Cemetery, which is farther west on the same street). Our cemetery is administered by dedicated synagogue volunteers for the benefit of the Congregation, but it is available to the entire Jewish community.

Certain funeral, burial and cemetery privileges are available to “members in good standing” – those who have been Congregation members for two or more years and whose accounts are paid in full. Such persons may purchase plots in our cemetery, receive the services of our Chevra Kadisha (a group of people who volunteer to help prepare and purify a person for burial) and arrange for perpetual care of graves at reduced rates. See below for schedule of member fees. Also, members in good standing are not charged any fees to hold the funeral service in the synagogue's Sanctuary and to have our Rabbi and Hazzan officiate. Funeral, burial and cemetery services are also available for associate Congregation members, those who have been members for less than two years, members delinquent in dues and fees, as well as the general Jewish community. See below for schedule of non-member fees.

Our Congregation maintains an agreement with New Jersey funeral homes belonging to the networks known as Dignity

Memorial and SCI (Service Corporation International). Under our agreement you may obtain the services and products of any of these New Jersey funeral homes for the same fee structure. Our Chevra Kadisha regularly performs taharah (purification)at the Toms River branch of Anderson & Campbell Funeral Home. However, you may use any other funeral home if you wish.

You must decide if the funeral service is to take place (1) in the Sanctuary of Congregation B'nai Israel, (2) at the funeral home or (3) at the graveside just before burial. You must also decide who will conduct the funeral and burial services. If you are a Congregation member in good standing, and if the funeral and burial are in Toms River or reasonably close by, our Clergy will officiate without charge to you. Those who are not members in good standing are expected to pay a standard fee for the services of our Clergy. Non-members must pay a clergy fee in any event if a different rabbi and/or hazzan officiate in addition to or in place of our own Clergy.

You may choose relatives and friends to serve as pallbearers at the funeral service and/or at the cemetery. Pallbearers are men/women/teenagers who escort the casket on a wheeled cart from the synagogue or funeral chapel to the hearse. Upon arrival at the cemetery, the pallbearers carry the casket from the hearse to the graveside. Serving as a pallbearer is considered an honor to the deceased, and anyone –Jew or non-Jew–may do so.

B'nai Israel Memorial Park

The grave of your loved one may be visited alone or in the company of family members anytime after the first month, although many would find it too overwhelmingly emotional to visit that soon. Our Rabbi or synagogue office can give you printed traditional memorial prayers to take along to the cemetery, and these may be supplemented with any prayers from your heart. There is a beautiful custom observed by many to place a small stone on top of the monument; this serves to announce that someone else cared enough to visit. See our cemetery rules and regulations below for further information.

A permanent monument should be erected in memory of your loved one, and it may be dedicated (or “unveiled”) at a special ceremony at the graveside. Unveiling of a monument may take place anytime after one month, except on the Sabbath or other Jewish holy days. In our community most people wait until about a year has elapsed. The unveiling may be scheduled at the convenience of the family and far-flung relatives; you may conduct the ceremony yourself or ask that it be done by our Rabbi or Hazzan. The rules of B'nai Israel Memorial Park require that a monument be erected no later than one year after the burial, and our Cemetery Chairman can recommend a reputable monument company. A permanent monument symbolizes devotion to our loved one and our intention that he or she be remembered always.

See our cemetery rules and regulations below for further information.

Helpful contact information:

Congregation B'nai Israel Rabbi Ellen S. Wolintz-FieldsHazzan Steven Walvick732-349-1244www.cbitr.org

B'nai Israel Cemetery Chairman Fred M. Weil732-349-1244MemorialPark@CBITR.org

Erecting A Permanent Monument

ADMINISTRATION

1. Definitions of terms. The word Congregation shall mean Congregation B'nai Israel of Toms River, New Jersey. The word Cemetery shall mean the cemetery owned by said Congregation, known as Congregation B'nai Israel Memorial Park. The word Committee shall mean the Cemetery Committee of said Congregation. The word Clergy shall mean the current Rabbi and/or the current Hazzan Cantor of said Congregation.

2. The Committee shall maintain in the office of the Congregation the official records of the Cemetery, including a map on which each plot and grave is designated by number and/or letter, a current list of all plot and grave owners and interments, a schedule of all prices and fees covering purchase of plots and graves, burial plans, monument foundations and a schedule of approved dimensions for all monuments.

3. Any person may purchase plots and graves in the Cemetery for the future interment of the purchaser or another family member. The purchase of a plot or grave shall permit only the right of burial within the scope of these rules and regulations, and in no event shall such purchase pass legal title to any

portion of the property from the Congregation to such purchaser. Upon full payment of the current purchase fee, the Committee shall issue a certificate of registration to the purchaser specifying the exact number of the plot or grave purchased. The owner of a plot or grave shall not sell, transfer, assign or otherwise dispose of his or her burial rights in the property without the written consent of the Committee. Such consent shall be given only upon proper execution of a transfer form and payment of the appropriate transfer fee.

4. The term charges against a plot or grave shall mean any indebtedness due from the owner of such plot or grave to the Congregation, including Congregation dues, special assessments, balances owing for plots or graves purchased on installment plan and construction and other maintenance charges as specified by the Committee.

INTERMENTS

1. Only members of the Jewish faith as recognized in Conservative Judaism may be interred in the Cemetery. This policy shall not be changed or modified except by both the Rabbi and Board of Directors of the Congregation.

Rules and Regulations of Congregation B'nai Israel Memorial Park

2. A Committee representative, the Congregation and the Clergy shall be notified upon the death of any person for whom a grave is reserved in the Cemetery. The Clergy shall officiate at and conduct every interment in the Cemetery. Other clergy may co-officiate upon obtaining approval of the Clergy of the Congregation. A licensed funeral director shall be present at every interment in the Cemetery as required under the laws of the State of New Jersey.

3. No interment shall take place on the Jewish Sabbath or holy days as defined by the Rabbi. No interment shall take place without an order from the grave owner or representative, identifying by exact number the grave to be designated, and then approved by a Committee representative. All fees of the Cemetery, the Congregation, the Clergy and the funeral chapel must be paid or arranged for in advance of the interment. MONUMENTS

1. Within one year after an interment, the family of the deceased shall obtain written approval from a Committee representative and shall arrange for the erection of a permanent headstone monument upon the grave. However, in the part of the Cemetery commonly known as the Old Section, where family monuments exist, a footstone monument shall be erected upon the grave instead of a headstone.

2. The dimensions of all new monuments shall conform to specifications set forth and kept on file by the Committee.

Only one monument per grave shall be permitted, except that a veteran’s footstone shall also be allowed if the deceased had served in the armed forces.

3. The Committee recommends those monument companies which advertise to the Congregation, but the plot or grave owner and family shall have the right to select any company of its choice. If, after one year, the family has failed to arrange for the erection of an appropriate permanent monument, the Committee may undertake to do so on its own, and the cost thereof shall act as a charge against the plot or grave involved.

4. No work of any kind shall take place upon a plot or grave other than the erection of a permanent monument. This restriction includes but is not limited to the erection or installation of additional monuments, markers, benches, steps, railings and the like; and the planting or removal of trees, shrubs, hedges, flowers and the like. If a plot or grave owner orders or permits any of these types of work to be done despite this restriction, the Committee may undertake to remove such work on its own, and the cost thereof shall act as a charge against the plot or grave involved.

CEMETERY MAINTENANCE

The Committee and its staff shall care for all plots and graves as part of an overall maintenance plan and schedule for the entire Cemetery. The principal tasks shall be cutting of the grass, irrigation and general maintenance of grassy areas.

The Committee shall also address issues caused by the subsidence, or settling, of graves. It is normal for the ground surface upon new graves to sink several inches within a few weeks after an interment; such subsidence may even continue for a year or longer. The Committee shall, where and when it deems appropriate, add earth to and restore grass upon sunken graves; and it shall undertake to correct tilting of monuments caused by the subsidence of graves. Other problems and needs which are reported shall be addressed by the Committee within the parameters of its maintenance schedule.

Jewish tradition as upheld by the Congregation considers the Cemetery to be holy ground. The Committee is therefore expected to carry out the above-described care, maintenance and upkeep in perpetuity, and these duties are to be known henceforth as perpetual maintenance.

VISITATION OF GRAVES

In Jewish tradition all persons rich or poor, loved or unloved, are considered equal in death. The permanent monument erected upon each grave is the time-honored and accepted way to mark the resting place of our loved ones and to memorialize them forever.

It is therefore unseemly for assorted memorial objects to be found at the graves of some persons and not others. In addition, in consideration of safety hazards for the

maintenance staff and the visiting public, and to avoid likely interference with the intensive maintenance program of the Cemetery, the following rules and regulations shall be strictly enforced at graves and everywhere else in the Cemetery:

• No plants, shrubs, trees or flowers in soil.• No artificial flowers or plants.• No candles or oil lamps of any kind.• No vases, flower pots, ornaments, toys, mementos or

structures of any kind.• Cut flowers are permitted, but their wrappings must be

removed from the Cemetery.

If family members feel a need for additional expressions of love and care in memory of dear ones it is suggested that, each time a graveside visit is made, one should recite a personal memorial prayer and place a small stone upon the monument. The departed may also be memorialized by a contribution to charity such as the Congregation B'nai Israel Memorial Fund. A permanent memorial plaque in the Sanctuary of Congregation B’nai Israel may be considered as well. Such plaques are prominently displayed for a full week each year at the time of the yahrzeit—the anniversary of death.

Additional information, printed prayers, readings and assistance are available from the Rabbi or the Congregation office at 732-349-1244.