C H A N T I L LY H I G H S C H O O L

D O U G L I P P, P H . D.S C H O O L P S YC H O L O G I S T

E . J. S TA P L E R , M . S.S C H O O L C O U N S E L O R

D E B B I E W O L I N, M . E D.S C H O O L C O U N S E L O R

Building Resiliency in Your Child

Outline of Presentation

Welcome and IntroductionsResiliency and Stressors for Today’s Youth

(and Parents)A Critical Challenge-Youth Depression and

Suicide Risk and What You Can Do to Address this Issue

Seven Specific Strategies to Build Resilience and Positive Self-Esteem and Competence in Your Youngster

Q & A

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What Exactly is Resiliency????

The capacity for successful adaptation

Despite challenging circumstances

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In other words, overcoming adversity

Or, simply put,

HANDLING STRESS WELL

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Question: Can we avoid stress, and is it really necessary?

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Question:

What are some stressors facing youth (and their parents) today?

At school?In the family?From the media?In society/the world?

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Youth Depression and Suicide Risk-A Critical Issue

Suicide is the third leading cause of death among youth aged 15-24 in Virginia.

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Magnitude of the Problem

In Virginia: There is an average of one youth

suicide per week ranging from 53-59 per year (CDC data)

Fairfax County Youth Survey 2008:Almost 15% of 8th, 10th, and 12th grade students

participating in the survey reported they had considered attempting suicide during the past 12 months.

This percentage is slightly higher than the 2007 reported national average.

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Depression & Suicide

2008 Fairfax County Youth Survey Results: 30.8% of the responding youth reported that, during the past 12 months, they felt so sad or hopeless almost every day for two weeks or more at a time that they stopped doing some usual activities. The national average is 28.5%.

The single largest cause of suicide is untreated or under-treated depression, leaving almost a third of our Fairfax youth vulnerable.

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Magnitude of the Problem, continued

Just released Fairfax County Youth Survey, 2010:

Overall depression (8th, 10th, 12th graders)=32.2%

Notable, 12th graders=35.3%Even 6th graders=22.5%Highest as a ‘group’=Hispanics=40.8%

Recall, national average (2007) was 28.5%

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What is Depression?

Depression is associated with a wide variety of problems including social withdrawal, academic disability, and interpersonal turmoil.

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How Depression Feels for Students12

Signs of Depression

Sad, hopeless, discouraged, looks like they are ready to cry, somatic complaints

In children and adolescents it is usually displayed as an irritable or cranky mood

Loss of interest in hobbies or activitiesAppetite is usually reduced and may force their self

to eatInability to sit still, pacing, or decreased motor

activitySense of worthlessness or guilt may include

unrealistic negative views of one’s self or ruminations over minor past failings

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Signs of Depression

Inability to think clearly, concentrate or make decisions

In children a large drop in grades may reflect poor concentration

Frequent thoughts of death, suicidal ideation, or suicidal attempts

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Specific for Children

Somatic complains, irritability, social withdrawalIsolation, lethargy, sleeping moreGirls are at a higher risk for depression during and

after the onset of pubertyMany symptoms of depression are similar to ADHDFor children, it is a CLUSTER of symptoms not

usually limited to one

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Cultural Differences

Western culture values positive emotions, and feeling good about oneself, independent and autonomous, and depression is either in the body or the mind

Non-western culture depression is a result of interpersonal difficulties, more holistic where mind and body are connected.

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What Are Possible Causes

Stress – More complex than one instance The role it plays: degree and duration of symptoms,

recovery, relapseLife Events

Can depression only be triggered by major life events or is a series of chronic minor life events sufficient?

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What Are Possible Causes

• Students who irrationally expect too much of their self, other people, or life in general are likely to be disappointed and become depressed

• Hopelessness is caused by the expectation that highly desired outcomes will not occur or that highly aversive outcomes will occur and that no response available to the individual will change the likelihood of these outcomes

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What Are Possible Causes

People who are depressed push people away through their interactions because they elicit irritability and anger from their peers. Once they remove their selves from interaction, the depressed person interprets these interactions as rejection.

History of depression in a family may increase the chances of depression in children. This can be through genetic predisposition or through a learned model by observing other family members experiencing depression.

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Risk Factors for Suicide

Mental illness and substance abusePrevious suicide attemptsFirearms in the householdNon-suicidal self-injuryExposure to friend’s or family member’s

suicidal behaviorLow self-esteemRecent losses – relationships, friends,

grades, family members, etc.

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Warning Signs of Suicide

I – IdeationS – Substance Abuse P – PurposelessnessA – AnxietyT – TrappedH – Hopelessness W – WithdrawalA – AngerR – RecklessnessM – Mood Changes

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Focus on Ideation

Ideation is defined as self-reported thoughts of engaging in suicide or suicidal behaviors

At home, ideation may be expressed in journals, notes and/or in conversations with you

Ideation may be expressed through terminal states – “I wish I were dead” “People would just be better off without me”

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SIX STEPS To Helping Your Teen

1. Establish a connection2. In a caring, non-confrontational way, ask the

question, “Are you think about suicide?”3. Ask your child whether he/she has a plan. If

so, REMOVE THE PLANNED METHOD AND ANY OTHER LETHAL WEAPONS OR MEDICATIONS

4. Do not leave him or her alone until you get help

5. Offer some comforting things to say6. Get help

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Protective Factors

Family Connectedness and school connectedness

Reduced access to firearmsSafe schoolsAcademic achievementSelf-esteem

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Why We Need to Build Resiliency In Our Students

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How can Parents build Resilience and Self-Esteem?

Two key questions:

1) What is the purpose of parenting?

2) When should you start the process?

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The Wisdom of Calvin & Hobbes

  

Depression Awareness 2010 - R.G.T

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A Common Parent Challenge

LETTING-GO ANXIETY!

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Parenting is a TOUGH JOB!

Parents need to:SupportLoveAcceptProvide structure and limitsAllow freedom to make choices, but value

unconditionallyHave high expectations, but know the warning

signs of when ‘enough is enough’ (anxiety, depression, drugs, etc.)

Modify and attune everything to the personality style and strengths and limitations of each child

Phew!

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Depression Awareness 2010 - R.G.T

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Good News

In general, every youngster needs some other things after their basic need for: shelter

food clothing (and texting

minutes?!)1) Born with a built-in ‘Mastery Motivation’2) Normal developmental drive in adolescence

is for Identity and Independence (and hopefully, more responsibility)

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A useful, hopeful theory

Motivational Theory:

Everyone has three needs, beyond the basics:1) To belong2) To feel competent3) To feel autonomous

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Key Questions for Parents and other Caring Adults

To belong, how do we create opportunities for youngsters to “join” and make a contribution?

To feel competent, how do we ‘showcase’ youngsters’ talents?

To feel autonomous, how can we provide choices, encourage decision-making and problem-solving?

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Parenting is NOT THAT EASY

Remember ‘Letting-Go Anxiety’?

But ‘Helicoptor Parents’ or ‘Snow-Plow Parents’ foster ‘Robo-Students’

There is a big difference between achieving success

andBeing a successful achiever

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Seven Specific Ways Parents can Foster Resilience

Remember the definition of Resiliency?

Defining Self-Esteem is also useful:The appreciation of one’s own worth and importance

And

Having the character to be accountable for oneself and to act responsibly towards others

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More about Self-Esteem

The concept of Self-Esteem also includes:The feelings & beliefs that individuals have

about their competence and worthTheir sense of their ability to make a

difference (that is, influence the world around them)

Their capacity to confront and master challenges

Their capacity to learn from both success and failure

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What Self-Esteem is NOT

Self-centeredness or selfishness

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Self Affirmation38

Remember some of the keys to feeling depressed or considering suicide:

HopelessnessWorthlessnessHelplessnessAloneness and isolationFailure and loss

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Seven Specific Ways Parents Can Foster Resilience

1) Take care of the BASICS2) Teach and model Problem-Solving3) Enable (in a good way) independence and

responsibility4) Encourage your youngster to define and reinforce

their strengths & validate, support and praise them for recognizing and building on them

5) Accept your children for who they are and help them set realistic expectations and goals

6) Provide opportunities for them to make a contribution

7) Possess and encourage a sense of humor

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1) Take care of the BASICS

Sleep (FCPS Youth Survey, 2010, 90% got 8 hours or less, 37% got 6 or less)

Diet and Nutrition (Youth Survey 2010, only 25% at the recommended 5 fruits/vegetables per day, and this decreases with age)

Exercise (42% got 60 minutes of physical activity at least 5 of 7 days, again, this decreases with age)

Encourage interests, especially ‘flow activities’e.g., reading, drawing, running, hiking, biking, playing music, NOT videogaming

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2) The IDEAL Problem-Solving Model

I-Identify the problemD-Describe the options (brainstorm possible

solutions)E-Evaluate the consequences of your choices,

that is, what are the ‘pros’ and ‘cons’?A-ActL-Learn from your actions, that is, ask yourself,

“How did it turn out?”

*Problems are inevitable and are to be solved

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3) Enable Independence and Responsibility

Example (helps with ‘Letting-Go Anxiety & fostering positive control):Look at family life as a pie with three pieces

Non-negotiable family rules

Negotiable situations or issues

Areas/choices totally up to the youngster

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4) Encourage your youngster to define and reinforce their strengths and validate, support & praise them

Opportunity to feel worthwhile and successful

Idea is not to deny or ‘run away’ from problematic areas

This strategy is especially important with youngsters with a disability (e.g., LD or ED)

Note the words of Dr. Bernie Siegel

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5) Accept your children for who they are & help them set realistic expectations and goals

May require some self-reflection

Try to find a balance between Authoritarian and Laissey-faire………..more Authoritative or Directive

Example: Everyone needs goals. What a given youth’s are and how to reach them may be more up to them

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6) Provide opportunities to make a contribution

Ways to feel helpful vs. helpless, connected vs. isolated

What are some examplesAt home?At school?In the community?

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7) Possess & encourage a sense of humor

Everything is NOT life or death

The front page of the paper is often hilarious, depending on how you look at it

Remember the words of Dr. Jimmy Buffett

And, remember Zorro……….(add cartoon)

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Zorro as a Child

  

Depression Awareness 2010 - R.G.T

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Thank You49

Your RESPONSE Team50

Doug Lipp, Ph.D., School Psychologist, Team Co-Leader

EJ Stapler, M.S., School Counselor, Team Co-LeaderKristina Crawford, NCSP, School PsychologistAmy Deemer, MSW, School Social WorkerPeter Gould, Ph.D., School PsychologistCarrie Jones, LCSW, School Social WorkerSarah Quinn, R.N., Health & Medical Science

InstructorDebbie Wolin, M.Ed., School Counselor