Chapter 5

Communications in Intimate Relationships

Chapter Outline

• Good Communication: A Basic Strength

of Successful Families

• What Causes Communication Failure?

• The Foundation Blocks of Successful

Communication

Chapter Outline

• Developing a Smooth Flow of

Communication

• Communication Skills Men and Women:

Do They Speak the Same Language?

• Communication and Family Conflict

• Family Life in the Information Age

Communication

• Communication is the sending and

receiving of messages, intentional and

unintentional, verbal and nonverbal.

• Communication is basic to every human

relationship.

Factors Related to Communication:

• Trusting and confiding in one another

• Trying new ways to deal with problems

• Working together to solve problems

• Expressing caring and affection for each

other daily

Factors Related to Communication:

• At least one family member talking to his/her parents regularly

• Sharing feelings and concerns with close friends

• Parents spending time with teenagers for private talks

• Checking in and out with each other

The Foundation Blocks of Successful Communication

1. Commitment: The partners must be committed to make their relationship healthy and strong.

2. Growth orientation: The partners must accept the fact that their relationship will always be dynamic and changing, rather than static.

3. Noncoercive atmosphere: The partners must feel free to be themselves, to be open, and to be honest.

The Principle of Least Interest

The principle of least interest assumes that the one who cares the

least controls the relationship.

Communication Skills

• Communication Motivation: A felt need to communicate

• Communication Skill: The ability to accomplish one’s communication goals

• Communication Behavior: Verbal and nonverbal actions that a person takes to accomplish his/ her goals

Identifying Problem Ownership

Clarifying responsibility, or problem ownership, is an important first step in problem-solving communication.

Self-assertion

Self-assertion is the process of recognizing and expressing one’s feelings, opinions, and attitudes

while remaining aware of the feelings and needs of others.

Johari Window

Empathic Listening

Empathy means not only understanding what the speaker is saying, but also responding to and

feeling the speaker’s nonverbal communications and emotions.

Nonverbal Communication

If we are to be good listeners, part of our attention needs to be directed to

the nonverbal communications of the speaker, often referred to as

body language.

Negotiating

In negotiation, the partners alternate between self-assertion and

empathic listening.

Problem Solving

1. Recognize and define the problem.

2. Set up conditions supportive of

problem solving.

3. Brainstorm for possible alternatives

(establishing hypotheses).

Problem Solving

4. Select the best solution.

5. Implement the solution.

6. Evaluate the solution.

7. Modify the solution, if necessary.

Brainstorming

The purpose of brainstorming is to

produce as many ideas as possible

within a given time period in an effort

to solve a problem.

Conflict-Causing Communication Strategies

• Denial: when one partner does not acknowledge the problem.

• Disqualification: when the person intends to cover an emotion and deny that a real conflict exists.

• Displacement: the person places emotional reactions somewhere other than the real conflict source.

Conflict-Causing Communication Strategies

• Disengagement: family members avoid conflict simply by avoiding one another.

• Pseudomutuality: Family members appear to be perfectly happy and delighted with each other. In this style of anger, no hint of discord is ever allowed to spoil the image of perfection.

Topics of Conflict

Handling money, dividing household tasks, relative relationships, jobs, social

activities, alcohol use, moodiness, handling anger, and children all appear to be possible areas of conflict for many

couples.

Quick Quiz

1. The ability to accomplish one’s

communication goals is

a) Communication Behavior

b) Communication Motivation

c) Communication Skill

d) Commitment

Answer: c• The ability to accomplish one’s

communication goals is called communication skill.

2. According to the text, this is basic to every human relationship.

a) Commitment

b) Growth

c) Trust

d) Communication

Answer: d• Communication is basic to every human

relationship.

3. The process of recognizing and expressing one’s feelings, opinions, and attitudes while remaining aware of

the feelings and needs of others is

a) Commitment

b) Self-assertion

c) Communication

d) Problem Ownership

Answer: b• Self-assertion is the process of

recognizing and expressing one’s feelings, opinions, and attitudes while remaining aware of the feelings and needs of others.