chapter 6 completing business messages

LECTURE NOTES
Section 1: Revising our Message: Evaluating the !irst "ra#t
Learning Objective 1: Discuss the value of careful revision, and describe the tasks involved in
evaluating your first drafts and the work of other writers.
Since the first draft is rarely good enough, recognize that you’ll need to revise the document.
Careful revision can mean the difference between a rambling, unfocused message and a lively,
direct message that gets results.
The third step of the three-step writing process involves four key tasks
• Revising your message to achieve optimum quality
• Producing your message
• Proofreading your message
• Distributing your message
The nature of revision will vary according to the medium you’re using and the nature of each
message. !udiences are likely to e"uate the "uality of your writing with the "uality of your
thinking.
• #or informal messages to internal audiences, particularly when using instant messaging,
te$t messaging, email, or blogging, the revision process is often as simple as "uickly
looking over your message to correct any mistakes before sending or posting it.
• %ith more comple$ messages, try to put your draft aside for a day or two before you
begin the revision process so that you can approach the material with a fresh eye.
!fter letting the document sit for a day or so, start with the &big picture,' making sure that the
document accomplishes your overall goals before moving to finer points, such as readability,
clarity, and conciseness.
To evaluate content, ask
• Is the information accurate?
• Is there enough information to satisfy the readers’ needs?

• Are all your points covered in the most logical order?
• Do the most important ideas receive the most space, and are
they placed in the most prominent positions?
• Would the message be more convincing if it ere arranged in
another sequence?
• Are any points repeated unnecessarily?
+. !re details grouped together logically, or are some still scattered throughout the
document*
.
*s) (hether &ou have achieve' the right st&le an' tone #or &our au'ience +& ans(ering
these ,uestions:
• Is your riting formal enough to meet the audience’s
e!pectations, ithout being too formal or academic?
• Is it too casual for a serious sub"ect?
. oes your message emphasize the audience’s needs over your own*
Spen' a #e( e-tra moments on the +eginning an' en' o# &our message.
• #e sure that the opening is relevant, interesting, and geared to
the reader’s probable reaction$ /. 0ake sure your conclusion summarizes the main idea and leaves the audience with a
positive impression.
Evaluating$ E'iting$ an' Revising the /or) o# Others
2efore you dive into someone else’s work, recognize the dual responsibility that doing so
entails
• %nless you’ve been speci&cally as'ed to rerite something in your on style or change the emphasis of the message, remember that your "ob is to help the other riter succeed at his or her tas', not to impose your riting style or pursue your on agenda$
3. 0ake sure you understand the writer’s intent before you begin suggesting or making
changes.

*ns(er the #ollo(ing ,uestions as &ou evaluate someone else0s (riting:
• What is the purpose of this document or message?
• Who is the target audience?
• What information does the audience need?
• Does the document provide this information in a ell(organi)ed ay?
• Does the riting demonstrate the *you+ attitude toard the
audience?
• Is the tone of the riting appropriate for the audience?
• an the readability be improved?
• Is the riting clear? If not, ho can it be improved?
• Is the riting as concise as it could be?
4. oes the design support the intended message*
Section : Revising to 2mprove Rea'a+ilit&
Learning Objective 2: List four techniques you can use to i!rove the readability of your
essages.
!fter confirming the content, organization, style, and tone of your message, make a second pass
to improve readability.
• Readers ill save time and understand your messages better$
• -our reputation for ell(crafted documents ill garner more
attention for your or'$
5eadability formulas offer a useful reference point but are limited by what they are able to
measure
• .hey can measure ord length, number of syllables, sentence length, and paragraph length$
• .hey cannot measure document design, the *you+ attitude, clear
sentence structure, smooth transitions, and proper ord usage$
3elp rea'ers s)im &our message +&
• /arying the sentence length
• Adding e0ective headings and subheadings
Copyright © 2013 Pearson Education, nc! Pu"lishing as Prentice #all

4ar&ing our Sentence Length
B& var&ing sentence length$ &ou can create a rh&thm that
• 1mphasi)es important points
Each sentence length has its a'vantages:
• 2hort sentences can be processed quic'ly and are easier for nonnative spea'ers to interpret$
• 3edium(length sentences are useful for shoing the
relationships among ideas$ (7. 8ong sentences are often the best way to convey comple$ ideas, list multiple related
points, or summarize or preview information.
Each sentence length also has 'isa'vantages:
• .oo many short sentences in a ro can ma'e your riting
choppy$
• 3edium sentences lac' the punch of short sentences and the informative poer of longer ones$
((. 8ong sentences are usually harder to skim and harder to understand than short sentences
because they are packed with information that must all be absorbed at once.
5eeping our aragraphs Short
Tr& to )eep paragraph length short to me'ium:
• 2hort paragraphs of 455 ords or feer are easier to read than
long ones$
• .hey ma'e your riting loo' inviting$
(+. 9ou can emphasize an idea by isolating it in a short, forceful paragraph.
on’t go overboard with short paragraphs: for e$ample, use one-sentence paragraphs only
occasionally and only for emphasis.
Using Lists to Clari#& an' Emphasi%e
2y using bulleted or numbered lists, you can
• 2ho the sequence of your ideas
• 6eighten the impact of list items
(. )ncrease the likelihood the reader will find key points
8isted items can be separated by numbers, letters, or bullets, and they are easier to find if the
entire numbered or bulleted section is set off by a blank line before and after it.
2ntro'uce lists clearl& so that people )no( (hat the&0re a+out to read:
• 3a'e the list a part of the introductory sentence$
(. ;recede the list with a complete introductory sentence, followed by a colon.
• )tems in lists should be phrased in parallel form.

*''ing 3ea'ings an' Su+hea'ings
3ea'ings 7+rie# titles that tell rea'ers a+out the content o# the section that #ollo(s8
serve several important #unctions:
• Organization7shoing readers at a glance ho the document is organi)ed
• Attention7grabbing the reader’s attention, ma'ing the te!t
easier to read, and helping readers &nd the parts they need (/. Connection <helping readers see the relationships between subordinate and main ideas
3ea'ings ma& +e
• Descriptive7merely identify the topic
(1. 2n#ormative < are self-contained and guide readers to think in a certain way
3ea'ings shoul' +e +rie# an' parallel throughout the entire 'ocument.
Section 9: E'iting #or Clarit& an' Conciseness
Learning Objective ": Describe eight ste!s you can take to i!rove the clarity of your writing,

*#ter &ou0ve revie(e' an' revise' &our message #or rea'a+ilit&$ &our ne-t step is to
ma)e sure &our message is as clear an' as concise as possi+le.
E'iting #or Clarit&
*s) &oursel# (hether &our message is as clear an' as concise as possi+le +& #ocusing on
&our
• #rea' up overly long sentences
• Rerite hedging sentences
• Replace camou8aged verbs
• larify sentence structure

/hen e'iting #or conciseness$ remem+er to
• Delete unnecessary ords and phrases
• 2horten long ords and phrases
• 1liminate redundancies
• Recast *It is9.here are+ starters if shorter alternatives are available
(6. 5emove every adverb that adds nothing to the meaning already carried in the verb
*s &ou re(rite$ concentrate on
• 6o each ord contributes to an e0ective sentence
+7. =ow each sentence develops a coherent paragraph
Using Technolog& to Revise our Message
4arious programs an' s&stems o##er numerous #eatures #or entering an' revising te-t$
inclu'ing
Section : ro'ucing our Message
Learning Objective #: List four !rinci!les of effective design, and e$!lain the role of ajor
design eleents in docuent readability.
ro'uction ,ualit& o# &our message;the total e##ect o# page or screen 'esign$ graphical
elements$ t&pograph&
• Plays an important role in the e0ectiveness of your message
++. 0akes your material easier to read but also conveys a sense of professionalism and
importance
"esigning #or Rea'a+ilit&
"ocument presentation can help or hurt rea'a+ilit& in t(o (a&s:
• arefully done design elements can improve the e0ectiveness of
your message ;and thus poorly done design elements can act as barriers, bloc'ing your communication<$
+. The design itself sends a nonverbal message to the audience, influencing their
perceptions of the communication before they read a single word.
E##ective 'esign helps &ou

• 1stablish the tone of your document
+. >uide your readers through your message
Ma)e &our 'esign elements e##ective +& pa&ing care#ul attention to the #ollo(ing 'esign
elements
• onsistency
• #alance
• Restraint
• Detail
• White space
• Is space of any color that is free of te!t and artor'
• Provides contrast
/hite space inclu'es
• .he space in margins
• .he space around images
+1. The horizontal space between paragraphs or lines of te$t
Lines o# t&pe can +e set
• =usti&ed ;8ush on both the left and right margins<
• >lush left ith a ragged(right margin
• >lush right ith a ragged(left margin
+3. Centered with ragged-left and ragged-right margins
<usti#ie' t&pe
decrease the amount of hite space along the right margin
• Produces a more formal and less personali)ed loo'
+4. )s more difficult to read because it can produce large gaps between words
and e$cessive hyphenation at the ends of lines
!lush=le#t>ragge'=right t&pe
• Produces a less formal and more contemporary loo'
• :ives a document an informal, contemporary feeling of
openness
• Is easier to read ;because the spacing beteen ords is
the same< +6. 5educes hyphenation @because only long words are hyphenated at the end
of linesA

7. Commonly used for headings and subheadings
#lush-rightBragged-left type is rarely used in business documents.
The term t&pe#ace re#ers to the ph&sical 'esign o# letters$ num+ers$ an' other
characters.
Font an' typeface are o#ten use' interchangea+l&$ although strictl& spea)ing$ a #ont
is a set o# characters in a given t&pe#ace.
Each t&pe#ace in#luences the tone o# &our message.
Seri# t&pe#aces such as Times Roman
• 6ave small crosslines ;serifs< at the ends of each letter
stro'e
• Are commonly used for regular paragraph te!t
(. Can look busy and cluttered when set in large sizes for headings and other
display type
Sans seri# t&pe#aces such as 3elvetica an' *rial
• 6ave no serifs
• Are ideal for larger si)ed font
• an be dicult to read in long bloc's of te!t unless set
ith generous leading +. 8ook best when surrounded by plenty of white space
The classic st&le o# 'ocument 'esign uses a sans seri# t&pe#ace #or hea'ings an' a
seri# t&pe#ace #or regular paragraph te-t? ho(ever$ man& contemporar& 'ocuments
no( use all sans seri#.
*voi' using more than t(o t&pe#aces in most 'ocuments.
T&pe st&le is an& mo'i#ication that len's contrast or emphasis to t&pe$ such as
• #oldface
• Italics
• %nderlining
• olor
. ?ther highlighting and decorative styles
• se boldface type for subheads, but avoid overuse of boldface within the te$t.
se italic type for emphasis as well as for highlighting "uotations and indicating foreign
words, irony, humor, book and movie titles, and unconventional usage.

6: Completing Business Messages (
nderlining, all upper case, and shadowed or outlined type can hinder legibility and slow
your readers’ progress.
/hen completing &our +usiness message$ choose &our t&pe si%e to match the
importance o# &our message an' the space allotte':
• %se a si)e of 45 to 4@ points for regular te!t and 4@ to 4
points for headings and subheadings
• 2mall type is hard to read$
. D$tra-large type looks unprofessional in most applications.
"esigning Multime'ia "ocuments
animation, video, and interactivity.
• 1ngage people in multiple ays
• 1!press emotions
/. !llow recipients to personalize the communication process to their own needs
=owever, they are more difficult to create than documents that contain only te$t and static
images.
To 'esign an' create multime'ia 'ocuments$ &ou nee' to consi'er the #ollo(ing #actors:
• reative and technical s'ills
Using Technolog& to ro'uce our Message
esktop publishing software goes beyond word processing with more advanced layout
capabilities that accommodate photos, technical drawings, and other elements.
#or online content, web-publishing systems make it easy to produce great-looking web pages
"uickly.
!t a minimum, try to be familiar with the following word-processing features
• .emplates, themes, and style sheets
• Page setup
• olumn formatting
• Paragraph formatting
!ormatting !ormal Letters an' Memos

#ormal business letters usually follow certain design conventions. 0ost are printed on
letterhead stationery, which includes the company’s name, address, and other contact
information. ?ther parts of the letter include
• Date
8ike letters, business memos usually follow a preset design.
0emos usually don’t use a salutation, complimentary close, or signature, although
signing your initials ne$t to your name on the &#rom' line is standard practice in most
companies.
@See !ppendi$ ! &#ormat and 8ayout of 2usiness ocuments' for details.A
Section @: roo#rea'ing our Message
Learning Objective %: &$!lain the i!ortance of !roofreading, and give eight ti!s for successful
!roofreading.
;roofreading is the "uality inspection stage for your documents, your last chance to make sure
that your document is ready to carry your message<and your reputation<to the intended
audience.
• 3ista'es that crept in during production
Several techni,ues can help &ou proo#rea' more e##ectivel&:
• 3a'e multiple passes$
• %se perceptual tric's ;such as reading each page bac'ard<$
• Double(chec' high(priority items$
possible$
• .a'e your time$
The amount o# time &ou nee' to spen' on proo#rea'ing 'epen's on
• Document length

• Document comple!ity
Section 6: "istri+uting our Message
Learning Objective ': Discuss the ost i!ortant issues to consider when distributing your
essages.
• ost
• onvenience
• .ime
32A3L2A3T BO: COMMUN2C*T2NA *CROSS CULTURES 7p. 1618
rotecting atients (ith Rea'er=!rien'l& rescription La+els
4$ When it comes to labeling medications, prioriti)ing information e0ectively can be a matter of life or death$ >or e!ample, information on ho many prescription re&lls are alloed should never distract patients from information on the potentially serious side e0ects of a prescription drug$ While it’s important for patients to be aare of re&ll information, it’s far more vital for them to be ell(informed about ho ta'ing the drug may a0ect them in undesirable ays$
@$ Ansers ill vary, but some e!amples might include trac signs that are obscured by vegetation, missing, or dicult to readC or confusing instructions on ho to assemble recreational equipment such as a bicycle rac'$ It is important for students to recogni)e that completing a business message involves more than simply evaluating ords and punctuation it requires ta'ing an audience(centered approach to every aspect of the message, including its format and readability$
32A3L2A3T BO: Sharpening our Career S)ills 7p. 18
roo#rea' Li)e a ro to Create er#ect "ocuments
(. )t’s a good idea to have other people proofread your documents so that you have a fresh set of eyes looking at the material. Fot only will they have a different e$pertise @they might be better at grammar or usage than youGA, but also they might catch errors that you have a &mental block' against. )n addition, someone who has a sense of design might notice problems with the layout, typography, or graphics. The more important the proEect, the more important it would be to have others look it over.
+. =ere’s a corrected version !pplication of these methods in stores in San iego and Cincinnati has resulted in a 7
percent drop in robberies and a /7 percent decline in violence there, according to the
developers of the security system, =anover 2rothers, )nc.
COMMUN2C*T2ON "2LEMM*S *T <E!!ERSON R*BB /EB "ES2AN 7p. 198
4 -ou received some draft copy for an author’s ebsite that contains the

6: Completing Business Messages 12
folloing rather long sentence !le$ander 0cCall Smith was born in what is now Himbabwe and was educated there and in Scotland before becoming a law professor in Scotland and later returning to !frica to help set up a new law school at the niversity of 2otswana.
%hich of these four alternatives does the best Eob of revising the material to improve its
readability without losing any of the original information or introducing any new
information*
a. Fo. This version is similar to @dA, but the first sentence in @dA is smoother and more direct.
b. Fo. This version fails to state where 0cCall Smith was born.
c. Fo. This version overemphasizes his return to !frica, a single event in a long career. )t
also doesn’t state clearly that 0cCall Smith was a law professor, which is a key aspect of
his professional biography.
d. 9es. This version breaks the lengthy original into two clear and direct sentences,
preserving all the original information without adding additional material.
@ Ei'e many popular authors, Anita 2hreve o0ers guides that help reading groups or boo' groups e!plore and discuss her novels$ A typical reading guide might contain a do)en or so questions that relate to events or themes from a novel$ :roups can use these questions to structure their discussions of a novel$ Which of the folloing navigational lin' titles ould be the most e0ective to use on 2hreve’s ebsite? a. 9es. This is the only version that indicates that guides are available and that they are
specifically for book groups.
b. Fo. This version indicates that guides are available, but doesn’t indicate that the guides
are for book groups specifically.
c. Fo. &iscuss' is too vague and suggests there might be an online discussion forum or
some other venue waiting after the link.
d. Fo. This version is also too vague.
F .he folloing sentence appears on the ebsite for .om /anderbilt’s .rac , a study of the technical and social evolution of trac and the never( ending attempts to ma'ing driving less dangerous and more ecient
2ased on e$haustive research and interviews with driving e$perts and traffic officials around the globe, Traffic gets under the hood of the everyday activity of driving to uncover the surprisingly comple$ web of physical, psychological, and technical factors that e$plain how traffic works, why we drive the way we do, and what our driving says about us. I/3 wordsJ
%hich of the following does the best Eob of reducing the length and comple$ity of this
sentence without significantly altering its meaning*

6: Completing Business Messages 13
a. Fo. This version loses the essential information about the e$tensive research behind the
book.
b. 9es. This version retains all the essential information while cutting +7 words.
c. Fo. This version isn’t bad, but the simplified phrase &how traffic works' lose the key
words of &the !hysical, !sychological, and technical factors that e$plain how traffic
works.'
d. Fo. This all this version did was lose the first sentence, which emphasizes the e$tensive
research on which the book is based.
G A number of authors reach out to their reader bases by o0ering to participate in boo' group discussions via 2'ype$ If you anted to get the ord out that a ne author as available to tal' ith boo' groups via 2'ype, hich of the folloing distribution methods ould you choose? ;>or this e!ercise, assume that you can choose only one of these$< a. Fo. 0any readers will access the book through online bookstores or libraries, so a
message in brick-and-mortar bookstores will fail to reach these target audience members.
b. 9es. ;eople who are in possession of the book, having either purchased it or borrowed it,
are the most likely to want to discuss it, and printing the message on the book itself
ensures that the message reaches these interested audience members. =owever, note that
this response does have a significant weakness, which is that it doesn’t address the rise of
e-book sales. To reach all readers, the message should be printed on the physical editions
and embedded in the e-book editions.
c. Fo. ! Twitter update is a great way to reach those people who follow the author on
Twitter, but it will not reach the broadest spectrum of readers.
d. Fo. 8ike @cA, this is a good way to reach a limited portion of the audience, but not to
reach the broadest possible audience.
Fote )n today’s fragmented media environment, the most effective strategy would be to take
all four of these steps as part of an integrated promotional campaign, rather than selecting
Eust one of these options. =owever, the e$ercise was designed to have students evaluate the
options individually.
*L OUR 5NO/LE"AE 7p. 18
4 2etting a document aside lets you approach the revision process ith a fresh eye$ During the brea', you may thin' of something you should include or e!clude$ With a fresh perspective, you’re more apt to catch

6: Completing Business Messages 1$
errors or recogni)e unclear language$ And, if you’re feeling angry or emotional, time aay allos you to thin' more logically and remove any emotion from your message$
H It is orthhile to spend e!tra time on the beginning and ending of a message because these sections have the greatest impact on your audience$
F$ hapter 4 de&nes ethical communication as that hich includes all relevant information, is true in every sense, and is not deceptive in any ay$ #y ma'ing sure patients get the information they need to ta'e medications safely, .arget’s actions most obviously &t the &rst of these three criteria$ 6oever, by ma'ing the e0ort to be clear, .arget also meets the third criteria, of not being deceptive$ f course, no retail pharmacy ould li'ely ever intentionally deceive customers, but a careless and uncaring attitude could result in unintentional deception$ #y actively putting the needs of its customers &rst in this regard, .arget further demonstrates its commitment to ethical communication$
J Eimiting the number of typefaces and type styles in most business documents is good practice for both perceptual and functional reasons$ %sing too many faces and styles tends to loo' amateurish, hich loers the riter’s credibility$ And the more faces and styles, the more decoding readers are forced to do in order to assign meaning to each style choice ;or to determine that a style choice doesn’t have any meaning, hich ta'es "ust as much or'<$
K Writers demonstrate good business sense in their message distribution choices by matching the cost and comple!ity of their choices ith the needs of their audiences and the demands of the particular situation at hand$ >or e!ample, using e!pensive overnight delivery services for documents that aren’t time(critical shos poor "udgment$
R*CT2CE OUR S52LLS 7p. 18
Messages #or *nal&sis
The Forth !merican ;ersonal 0otorsports 0arketing !ssociation @F!;00!A is committed
to helping our members achieve their business obEectives. %e assist dealers of motorcycles,
all-terrain vehicles, snowmobiles, and personal watercraft by communicating with

6: Completing Business Messages 1%
government agencies about important issues. %e also educate the public on the safe and
enEoyable operation of personal motorsports vehicles.
Message 6.B
The document should be reformatted with attention to the following details
• onsistent use of fonts
• #etter balance on the page
• ptionally, a subtler, more professional logo
Message 6.C
Aross "omestic ro'uct
The most commonly used measure of a country’s economic output is gross doestic !roduct
()D*+. >; measures a country’s output<the production, distribution, and use of goods and
services. The products may be produced by either domestic or foreign companies as long as
the production takes place within a nation’s boundaries. Sales from a =onda assembly plant
in California, for instance, would be included in the .S. >;, even though =onda is a
Kapanese company.
>; has largely replaced an earlier measure called the gross national !roduct ()*+, which
e$cludes the value of production from foreign-owned businesses within a nation’s boundaries
and includes receipts from the overseas operations of domestic companies. >F; considers
who is responsible for the production: >; considers where the production occurs.
E-ercises
4 2tudent evaluations ill vary based on the blog posts they choose to analy)e, but they should ta'e particular care to assess ;or at least ma'e intelligent guesses at< the &rst to questions from the list on page 4G, regarding purpose and target audience$ .hese to factors in8uence the other eight$
@ 6ere’s one e!ample of ho students might revise the paragraph for improved readability by removing ordiness, shortening some sentences for clarity and others to vary tempo, and eliminating e!traneous information to shorten the paragraph overall
!lthough maEor league baseball remains popular, more people are attending minor league
games. They can save on admission, snacks, and parking and still enEoy the e$citement of
!merica’s pastime. Connecticut, for e$ample, has three !! minor league teams. They play
in relatively small stadiums, so fans get a close-up e$perience of everything from the swing
of the bat connecting with the ball to the thud of that ball landing in an outfielder’s glove.
2est of all, it costs less to take the whole family. They can watch baseball’s rising stars for
Eust a fraction of what they’d pay to attend a maEor league game.
G$ 6ere is one possible version #orensic accounting services provide the insights you need in four important areas
• Insurance Claims Accounting and Preparation: the help you

need to ma!imi)e recovery of insured value
• Dispute Advisory: assistance ith discovery, e!pert itness
testimony, and economic analysis
large(scale construction pro"ects fail to meet schedule or budget requirements
7. Aeneral 2nvestigative an' !orensic *ccounting Services: fraud detection and proof of
loss analysis
5. Here are shortened versions of the originals: a. Fe$t time you write a (77-word passage, check your average sentence length. )f your
sentences average more than (1 to +7 words, try to break up some of them.
b. on’t do what the village blacksmith did. =e instructed his apprentice as follows
&%hen ) take the shoe out of the fire, )’ll lay it on the anvil. %hen ) nod my head, hit it
with the hammer.' The apprentice did as he was told. Fow he’s the village blacksmith.
c. nfortunately, no gadget will produce e$cellent writing. 2ut using a yardstick like the
#og )nde$ gives us some guidelines to follow for making writing easier to read. )ts
two factors remind us to use short sentences and simple words.
d. Lnow the fle$ibility of the written word and its power to convey an idea. Lnow how
to make your words behave so that your readers will understand.
e. %ords mean different things to different people. ! word such as block may mean city
block, butcher block, engine block, auction block, or several other things.
. Deleting all unnecessary !ords leaves the follo!ing: a. consensus
b. innovations
e. remains
". Here are possi#le revisions: a. The old calculator isn’t good for solving hard problems.
b. The pay increases must be stopped before an unusually large debt mounts.
c. The e$ecutives all agreed that 0s. Kackson’s strange ways were cause for a re"uired
meeting with the company’s personnel director.
d. The upcoming sale of the company’s assets delighted the company’s competitors.
e. The facts indicated that the company’s finances were in good shape, and so the
president became more convinced that there would be a stock dividend.
$. %hese in&nitive su#stitutes shorten the sentences: a. ) need money to live.

b. They saw no reason to believe in the future.
c. To destroy a dream is tragic.
'. Here are one(!ord replacements: a. soon @or a specific dateA
b. if
c. so
d. for
e. about
f. perhaps
g. seldom
h. about
i. now
)*. Here are pared(do!n versions: a. %riting is important.
b. ;rices are likely to increase.
c. %e’ll decide that soon.
d. ) will summarize this e$periment when it’s over.
e. !fter she satisfactorily completed a three-week trial period, we offered her a full-time
Eob.
)). +ith the unnecessary modi&ers removed, the sentences read as follo!s:
a. =igh pay increases were given to the skilled and conscientious employees.
b. The union’s proposals were inflationary, demanding, and bold.
)-. %he follo!ing versions contain no hedging: a. Someone has entered illegally.
b. Things will get better soon.
c. 9our report shows we are losing money.
d. Fancy has more influence over employees in the e-marketing department.
e. ) see by your letter that you’re leaving us.
). +ith the inde&nite starters removed, the sentences might read as follo!s:
a. Several e$amples here show that Dlaine can’t hold a position very long.

6: Completing Business Messages 1'
b. ! generous contribution to 0ildred Cook’s retirement party would be appreciated.
c. >enerally reliable sources in %ashington report today that the %hite =ouse will soon
make an important announcement.
d. !ccording to the rule, we cannot work overtime without permission.
e. 9our working late the ne$t three Saturdays would be great.
)/. 0e!ritten !ith parallel construction, the sentences might read as follo!s:
a. 0r. =ill is e$pected to lecture three days a week, counsel two days a week, and write
for publication in his spare time.
b. She not only knows accounting but also reads 8atin.
c. 2oth applicants had families, were college graduates, were in their thirties, and had
considerable e$perience: but they lacked social connections.
d. This book was e$citing, well written, and interesting.
e. on works hard and knows bookkeeping.
4H$ Here are the variations !ith the a!1!ard pointers removed a. The vice president in charge of sales is responsible for the key to !: the production
manager is responsible for the key to /!.
b. The key to ! belongs to the vice president in charge of sales, and the key to /!
belongs to the production manager.
c. The gold-embossed keys to ! and /! have been given to the production manager.
d. Kohn received his laser printer, and 0egan got her dot matri$ printer.
e. The walnut desk cost M77 more than the oak desk.
). %hese versions have the modi&ers in the right places: a. %e left allas on an airplane that was full of trash and ripped-up newspapers.
b. 5uby saw the seashell lying on the shelf.
c. Kudging by the plumbing and wiring, ) don’t think we should buy the property.
d. Sandy took the whole afternoon to clean up her desk, which was cluttered and filthy.
e. The letter was ready to be signed after every word had been proofread.
)". %he long strings of nouns may #e #ro1en up as follo!s: a. The focus of the meeting was a discussion of deregulation of bank interest rates.
b. #ollowing the recommendations of the government task force, we are revising our
evaluation procedures for Eob applicants.
c. The components of the production department’s program for "uality assurance include
employee training, supplier cooperation, and computerized detection e"uipment.
d. The plan for reducing inventory in the supermarket warehouse will be implemented
ne$t month.
e. The graduate placement program of State niversity’s business school is one of the

best in the country.
)$. Here the su#2ects are closer to the ver#s: a. Trudy ran when she saw the bull pawing the ground.
b. !ccording to Ted, who is probably the worst gossip in the office @Tom e$ceptedA, it was
Terri who mailed the wrong order.
c. )n his book -nvestent a!ital /econsidered , %illiam ?berstreet writes of the mistakes
made by bankers through the decades.
d. !fter passing up several sensible investment opportunities, Kudy Schimmel invested her
inheritance in a EoEoba plantation, despite the warnings of her friends and family.
e. !fter the warehouse fire, the worst tragedy in company history, the president of -
Stor-)t prepared an announcement for the press The company was on the brink of
bankruptcy.
4L$ %he follo!ing versions no longer have camou3aged ver#s a. The employees adapted easily to the new rules.
b. The assessor will determine the ta$ due.
c. The employees’ identity must be verified daily.
d. The board of directors recommended that 0r. 5onson be assigned to a new division.
e. The vice president audited the books.
@5$ 2tudents should comment on the use of typefaces, hite space, headings, and other design elements on the #loomberg and 3ar'etWatch ebsites$ .hey may o0er various suggestions for improving readability, including larger type si)e, more hite space, and other ideas$
@4$ 1ven though your company does not sell products in the local area, you still have an ethical obligation to add the information to the ebsite$ .he construction delays alone could compromise your company’s relationship ith the community, and ithholding information about the delays ould almost certainly tarnish the organi)ation’s image$ Doing all you can to minimi)e any negative e0ects of the construction ill also aid employees ho live in the local area, since they are li'ely to receive questions and comments about the pro"ect from their neighbors$ >inally, posting information about the construction may help to reduce the amount of trac ;and, ideally, the number of accidents< in the area around the plant$
@@$ @F$ 6ere is a corrected version of the email
Our #inal compan& orientation o# the &ear (ill +e hel' on "ecem+er D. 2n preparation
#or this session$ please or'er D copies each o# the polic& han'+oo)$ the con#i'entialit&
agreement$ an' the emplo&ee +ene#its manual. lease let me )no( i# &ou anticipate an&
'ela&s in o+taining these materials.

chapter 6 completing business messages

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