Chapter 8

Evaluating and Improving Relationships, part 1

Reasons for Failed Relationships

Do you agree? Why the different reasons?

Versus

Stages of a Relationship

Most relationships begin with superficial conversations and interactions and if the two like each other then will increase the length and breadth of disclosure

I see you like the

color blue…

I love your jacket…

Oh, I hate that too…

Stages of a Relationship

Initiating Characterized by nervousness,

caution, hesitation; these work to protect us against rejection

What are the more positive characteristics of this stage?

Stages of a Relationship

ExperimentingAn effort is made to find common

interests and goalsThis stage may take a long timeThis stage is more relaxed than the first,

but still uncertainA relationship may stay at this stage

Stages of a Relationship

IntensifyingThis stage is much more comfortable as

each person knows more about the otherPet names or inside jokes often begin in

this stageTrust is stronger; is often good but some

may see it as increased vulnerability

Stages of a Relationship

IntegratingPersonalities start to merge; more of a

“we” than he and sheSome people dislike this stage and may

end the relationship for fear of losing his/her individuality or fear of being “tied down”

Stages of a Relationship

BondingAn announcement of commitment is

made (marriage, making it “official”, wearing his jacket, etc)

This stage makes it more difficult for each to break away

Nonromantic relationships enter this stage as well

Coming Apart

DifferentiatingPeople focus not on being a “we” but

being an individualMuch of the conversation in the this

stage focuses on the differences; arguments about being incompatible

This may be healthy is the people can work things out and get past it

Coming Apart

CircumscribingLess and less information is exchangedAvoidance of points that may cause

conflictPeople often pursue different activities Often try to cover up any problems in the

relationship to outsiders

Coming Apart

StagnatingThe relationship does not grow, the

partner do not communicate like they are in a relationship

Partner may want to hold on simply for the sake of comfort, familiarity

Either or both may feel unwanted, bored, sentimental, etc

Coming Apart

AvoidingPhysical separation Characterized by unfriendliness, hostilityIf physical separation is not possible, the

people may act as the other does not exist

Coming Apart

TerminatingThe relationship comes to an endDifferences are emphasized and

communication usually ends as wellSome relationships cannot completely

end; in the case of children