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A Case Study on Suicide Attempters

Chosen F. Belga, Rahya Charisse D. Ramos &

Mylene S. Gumarao

mylenegumarao@yahoo.com

Psychology Department

Adventist University of the Philippines

The study sought to understand the case of participants who have attempted suicide. The

participants have attempted suicide but have not engaged in any suicidal behaviors for the past two (2)

years. The data were gathered through a structured interview and results from several standardized

psychological tests. The study utilized a qualitative design using a case study method. The themes

emerged on the experiences of suicide attempters are the following (a) separation from the one they

love, (b) expression of sadness through suicide (c) belief in suicide as the only solution to the problem.

Hopelessness is the theme that emerged as the cause of attempt with three sub-themes such as broken

from relationships, feelings of condemnation, and exposure to post-traumatic experiences. Strong

relationship with others and with God and commitment to live emerged as helpful in their recovery

process. In conclusion, suicide attempters were able to transcend into a new life determined to live up

to a hopeful future.

Keywords: suicide, suicide attempters

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According to the World Health Organization (2012), suicide has been placed at the fifteenth

rank among the leading causes of death reported worldwide. It reports that Australia has the highest

rate of suicide during 2012, as 2, 535 individuals lost their lives due to completed suicide (Australian

Bureau of Statistics, 2014). For every 2 hours and 7 minutes, a young individual in the United States

lost their life due to committing suicide and estimated that with over 38, 000 deaths a year, suicide is

now at the 11th cause of the death in the US (McIntosh, 2013). China’s current national suicide rate is

one of the highest in the world, showing 9.8 per 100,000 during the period 2009-2011 (Wang, Can

&Yi, 2014). In Taiwan, suicide is the second leading cause of death among adolescents ages 15-24

(Department of Health ROC, 2011) and such age group is also identified as the peak of completed

suicide in America (McIntosh, 2013), as well as among women whose suicide incidence is higher than

men in Iran (Kendall, 2016) and in India.

Moreover, the time trend analysis from 1984 and 2005 in the Philippines reveals a significant

increase of suicide rate in males from 0.23 to 3.59 per 100,000 as well as in females from 0.12 to 1.19

although such increase were also attributed due to improved reporting facilities. Suicide in the

Philippines is considered a taboo among Filipino Christians and the highest rates of suicide among

Filipinos are found among 15-24 year olds in both gender (Redaniel, Lebanan-Dalida & Gunnell,

2011). Suicide ideation (40%) and suicide attempt (12.3%) were present among adolescents in a study

conducted in Silang Cavite, Philippines, and ingesting poison was the most considered suicide method.

Family problem was ranked as the highest among the identified risk factors of suicide (Balila, et. al,

2011).

Qualitative studies concentrating on the exploration of the suicidal trajectory and other domains

of it were investigated by other countries and conducted among people with other cultural and social

conditions. Most studies regarding suicide survivors were conducted in psychiatric and hospital

settings but not in community which limits their generalizability (Han, et. al, 2014; Sansone, et. al,

2013; Scocco, Troffo, & Preti, 2016; Sun & Long, 2012; Wang, et. al, 2013; Wilklander, Samuelsson

& Asberg, 2003).

Most researchers were motivated to establish correlations and stress suicide etiology resulting to

95% of peer-reviewed journals applied a quantitative method during 2005-2007. There is an evident

need for a qualitative study to examine individuals and their perspective regarding suicide. However

literature is scant regarding the analysis of the voice of individuals who have survived suicide which

could possibly be the best source of insight applied to develop and promulgate intervention programs

(Webb, 2010). It is imperative to study new dimensions of already established themes to formulate the

formal expression and language of human suffering through the exploration of suicide attempts (Vatne

& Naden, 2011).

Suicide is now an emerging health concern in the Philippines due to the growing number of

Filipinos who committed suicide since 1984 to 2005 based on the first time-trend analysis conducted in

the country (Redaniel, Lebanan-Delida, & Gunner, 2011). Although Philippines is a populous country

in the Western Pacific region, it is known for its lower suicide rate in contrast to other countries,

although this reported incident rate is associated with the under-reporting of the suicide due to the

stigma and disgrace that it brings to the family as well as the non-acceptance of the Catholic church.

But little is known about the epidemiology of suicide and in understanding suicide behaviours in the

Philippines (WHO, 2012). Therefore, this study aims to address the existing gap in the knowledge of

suicide attempters and recovery process in the Philippines.

Objectives of the study

The main purpose of this qualitative study is to determine the recovery and healing processes of

those individuals who attempted suicide, in order to help and guide others who are currently struggling

with the suicide crisis. Thus, this study focused on how these individuals were able to overcome their

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suicide attempts. Specifically, the study aims to determine the experiences of the participants during the

suicide attempt, the cause of participants’ suicide attempt, and what helped the participants recover

from suicide attempt.

Method

The study utilized a qualitative research design, specifically a case study approach. A semi-

structured interview was used to determine the experiences of the participants during the suicide

attempt, the cause of participants’ suicide attempt, and what helped the participants recover from

suicide attempt. Moreover, triangulation was done through the administration of psychological tests,

observations and interviews conducted. The psychological tests were administered, checked and

interpreted through the supervision of an expert. Purposive sampling technique was used in the study

and there were two respondents in the study. Inclusion criteria includes that participant has to be 20

years old and above, has a history of suicide attempt, latest suicide attempt was done 2-6 years ago and

Filipino nationality and willingness to take part in the study. Moreover, an informed consent was

secured to ensure the ethical considerations.

The Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis was applied to uncover the meaning of their

experiences and comprehend the complex and intricate details of those meanings. It was essential to

understand the transcripts by having an interpretative inclination which then brings the researcher to the

realm of the suicide attempters. Data was familiarized by repeated reading and noticing relevant facts

stated by the participants, the meanings were then created. Comments were formulated which are all

necessary for emerging themes from recurrent ones. It was supported by the logical and theoretical

connections existing in the data. Inter-rater validity was observed and under the supervision of the

experts.

Results

Experiences of the Participants during the Suicide Attempt

Separation from the one they love. People are made in relationships and are damaged also by

relationships. Such brokenness becomes the paramount reason of a person’s own tragedy by self-

destruction. When the participants attempted suicide, they manifested depressive feelings and thoughts

that reflects disentanglement from social belongingness which culminated to their isolation in misery,

emptiness of love, and consolation. They were carried away by the pain of separation and hurt of

abandonment from the love they found but lost.

Jan, one of the participants said:

When Loren left me, I think I am losing a lot of love, and there is no one to

comfort me. And I extremely feel the hurt at that time as if no one is there to hold on or to

lean on to. It was just me all along holding on. Now I know this is how it feels to love

desperately.

The other participant, Peter shared his experience during the suicide attempt:

The night before I attempted suicide, Larry and I were cuddling to a point that is

very close that even our feet and arms are entangled around each other which is unusual

for males to do. As we do that, my longings of comfort and belongingness were met until I

had infatuations for him which made me to initiate sex because I thought he understands

me and its ok for him. I did that since I had past of doing those sexual activities and it was

reawakened by my intimate attachments to Larry. But I was offended when He quoted a

Bible verse that is against me. It goes like this: if you are the cause of your brother’s fall

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into sin, it is better to tie your head with a rock and throw yourself into the sea. At that

moment, I knew he was casting me out so I was really hurt.

Peter, like Jan, experienced as if he was being forced to separate away which created beliefs and

emotions of downheartedness, creating in them an atmosphere of despair. Peter regarded his friend

Larry as the only one who was able to understand him since both of them had the same experience of

sexual abuse. Therefore, he developed infatuations towards him and a burning desire to actuate his

sexual behaviour with Larry as they share a deeper and closer friendship with one another. Both of the

clients’ grief towards the loss of belongingness, acceptance, and support intensified their overall

struggle during the suicide crisis. This implies that suicidal attempt could stem from the separation

from a significant loved one.

The expression of loneliness from a world of relationships lead to feelings of abandonment and

emptiness of affection which is a comparable experience among those who had been through a suicidal

attempt (Vatne & Naden, 2011) and (Kumar & Biju, 2013). Such event of separation is significant to

cause a dissatisfied or failed belongingness that has consequential advantage to their suicidal plans

(Joiner, 2008). A suicidal person also struggles from dissociation to social engagements and fights in

order to receive consolation, wherein the process begins with ‘hoping for closeness’, ‘desiring

connectedness, ‘struggling to open up inner dialogue’, ‘breaking into outer dialogue’, and ‘liberating

inner and outer dialogue’ (Talseth, Gillie, & Norberg, 2003). People who have been through rejection

and painful break-ups from relationships would significantly cause an intensive distress which will

drive the person to strong inclinations and impulsive actions (Latakiene & Skruibis, 2015) that leads to

suicide attempt in which according to Yaseen et al (2012), love can be painful and treacherous. When

breakups happen for couples even if they are not yet married, it already creates an intensive distress

within that heightens the possibility for suicide to be committed (Phillips, 2015). It is essential to give

support among people who had been into traumatic incidents such as abuses and neglect, but if it is

hampered, it increases their likelihood to commit suicide (Katimani, 2016).

Language of suicide: Existential sadness with a desire to control. When suicide attempt

experiences are portrayed in stories, they need not to be literally interpreted in a way that corresponds

to that nature of the words used. Those who had been through a suicide crisis would usually describe

the event using metaphorical objects, colours or illustrations that could define their painful struggle.

Although there are disparities in the way they conceptualize and share their stories, the central theme of

their message revolves around the unpleasantness and agony they experienced.

Jan, one of the participants expressed:

I was in a corner all alone, confused with questions that no one else can answer

like ‘why am I like this’ so there is nothing you could think of rather than just ending your

life. It seems like I am trapped and tied up in a rope wherein I really want to break free.

That experience is really hard.

While Jan’s story focused on the struggle of being alone and held tight, Peter had another story

of sadness that runs this way:

As I walk to the tree where I will hang myself, the leaves began to talk to me. I

don’t mean that they literally do, but I saw the leaves in gloom, their movements and their

colours are very sad. The sun seems to refuse its ray of beams and even the trees nodded

and its branches sorrowed. It is as if they are sad about what I am about to do.

Suicide experience was an event comparable to the sadness felt as if someone was swallowed in

death. Peter also added another set of related experience:

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It seems that there is something that I want to cast out from my body. Because I

have two people who are inhabiting and controlling me. And I want to be free from this

persona who manipulates me to do evil things, dictates me to commit suicide, and creates

guilty feelings within me and the only way to stop him is to destroy myself. So I need to

die.

As Jan explained his suicide attempt experience as being tied up to loneliness, Peter on the

other hand describe himself as being dominated by forces to whom he attributed all the evil deeds he

had done. He battled against an entity residing and ruling over to make him a bad person. The suicide

attempt experience for Peter was a moral confusion, a fight in his own principles against good and evil

which eventually gets harder and harder until suicide is conceptualized to finish the war within. The

above experiences illustrates that individuals with suicide attempt are being controlled by the

perception to harm themselves to escape from the unacceptable life event.

According to related studies, the suicide experience is often relayed in the form of metaphors,

riddles, or figures of speech in which its nature perfectly describes their troubled state of mind and

because of this, efforts should be made to formulate a language of suicide (Beskow, 2005). The

participants’ experiences appears to be consistent across the answers of other suicide attempters, such

as using words like being in a ‘bubble’, ‘black fog’, ‘darkroom’, and ‘below the ice’ which only

signifies meaninglessness of existence, suffering, and loneliness. It was also explored that suicide is a

mortal dilemma between good and evil, (Ericksson, 2006). Suicide is also a struggle to die in order to

achieve relief and escape of pain while there is a deeper need of love and dignity that is left unsatisfied

(Biong, 2008; Vevatne, 2006).The desire to be in control is evident in the experience of a suicide

attempter because their degree of control over suicidal thoughts and feelings are lacking (Sinclair &

Green, 2005). They gain the control they want by ending their lives, signifying that they can do

whatever they want especially if the unpleasant situation they are trapped in is provoking and coercing

them (Pavulans, Bolmsjo, Edberg, & Ojehagen, 2012). Therefore, since everything appears to be

miserable, the heaviness of their minds becomes unbearable until they realize that suicide could

alleviate it (Michel, Valach, & Waeber, 1994).

Believing in suicide as the only solution. People face different challenges and people

encounter unexpected and unpleasant events in their everyday lives, hence, everything is perceived in a

negative way. There are many circumstances that are often out of our control although there is this

desire to manage such situations but it seems to be impossible and the only option left for them is

nothing else but to end their lives. Suicide is commonly thought to be the best solution for the problems

that come on their way. Because of the arising problems that are just chaotic, they tend to focus more

on the problems and forget there is more to see beyond it.

Jan, one of the participants, stated:

It was because of my weakness in solving problems. I am really bad at solving

problems...I was filled with many problems and there- I wanted to solve all of these but I

cannot. Then I had dreamt already…It was not that I’ve heard a whisper, it’s just like I

just had a thought all of a sudden “what if I do this, what if I attempt suicide?

Jan had been so bombarded by the problems that he could not solve so he found that suicide

was the only solution since he was really hopeless and lonely at that time. Similarly, Peter had a great

struggle as well with his life and that his experiences had burdened him so much. He also had

depressed feelings at that time. Peter shared:

I know that what I was doing was wrong but the guilt that I feel due to the fear of

corrupting others to sexual immorality is very powerful. But at the same time, I also had

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thoughts concerning my eternal life. Will I be among those who will rise in the first

resurrection? But Despite of all the reasons and knowledge that I have, suicide is the only

solution that I believe can solve everything during my downfall…I have positive thoughts

also in me, I have good reasons to live, but it is defeated by my desire to really die. All I

can see during that incident was, suicide was the only solution. I see suicide as the best

solution to everything. And I am not afraid to die. What I only feel is that I am drawing

closer to being relieved. And when I’m dead, everything of this will end. This is the only

way for me to be relieved…

At that time, Peter know what’s right and what’s wrong and he was equipped of theological

insights but even so, suicide was the only way he thought can sooth all the burdens he had. Although he

still had thoughts concerning his life but the negative thoughts were controlling over back in his mind.

And since his previous attempt failed because of being held back, he was persistent to go on with his

suicide plan and make it happen that time. In addition to Peter’s past experiences, he was a victim of

sexual molestation by his uncle when he was five years old. He was raised by a violent father and a

neglecting mother that it made him more vulnerable to attempt suicide. This implies that participants

had conceptualized that suicide was the only possible solution to solve their problems and give relief to

their tormenting pain.

According to a study (Pollock & Williams, 2004), poorer problem-skills are marked among

suicide attempters for their passive approaches. Thus when suicide is perceived as the solution it is due

to the person believing that death is the key to his consolation, a way for resolving the sufferings. It

was mentioned by Gibbs et al (2009) that depressed groups with suicide attempt destabilized more their

rational problem solving and highly employed their avoidant methods for they view problems with

extent negativity. At some point in life, future desires are defeated by the agony of their present

problems and even the longings for help become inevitable. When the person becomes restless,

identifying oneself could be hard due to the problems which make the suicide battle difficult as uttered

by Eriksson (Vatne & Naden, 2011). In addition, a history of neglect and abuse contributes to the

furtherance of attempting suicide (Beck, 1986).

The Reasons of Participants’ Suicide Attempt

The main theme that emerged as the cause of their suicide attempt is hopelessness, the

culmination of all their entire sufferings from separation to significant relationships, feelings of

condemnation, and exposure to past traumatic experiences.

Hopelessness. Hopelessness is a feeling of no hope in which there is nothing else good to be

done to change something. A lot of people experience hopelessness in various circumstances in their

lives that they feel as if life is miserable. There is no hope in whatever they would do and as if

everything in this world is useless and worthless. All the hopes and dreams of one’s life would abruptly

be gone when they had tried everything they could yet there is not even one that had worked. In the

experiences of the participants, both of them exhibited feelings of hopelessness which led him to

attempt suicide.

Jan mentioned that:

What made me attempt suicide is because of hopelessness. I was hopeless and

lonely. The only thing that was running in my mind was to attempt suicide. But the

breakup with Loren was not the only reason, in fact I really have a lot of problems in my

family, in my school and studies, and in love and all of these combined together. Although

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I really wanted to solve all of these problems but I just can’t. Actually, solving problems

is my weakness, I am really bad at problem solving and that is why. That is why suicide

was the only thing I could resort to.

The other participant, Peter, stated that:

Because of the wrongdoings I committed, I have this extreme feelings of guilt and

fear that I might corrupt other people’s lives as well to sexual immorality which I do not

want to happen. And in order for me to solve these problems and take away the guilt is to

end my life. . I was depressed and my reasoning was totally destroyed. Hence, suicide was

the only solution for everything and that I may be relieved by the pain and these burdens I

carry.

The participants, Peter and Jan, had both experienced feelings of hopelessness due to the

problems they cannot solve which culminated to the suicide attempt. They experienced facing stressors

in life and unpleasant events which include their interpersonal difficulties and environmental problems

that might have triggered as well with their suicidal behaviors. Through all the pain, sufferings,

burdens, and miseries they had, suicide was the only solution in order to soothe the unpleasant feelings

they had. Life did not appear of great value but it appeared as a destitute ache that needs to end. This

implies that the suicide attempters had numerous sufferings in their entire life which finally culminated

to the utmost peak of their tolerance, making them severely hopeless.

Schneidman (1996) pointed out that a sense of extreme pessimism about the future is

hopelessness and it is a common state of mind that is present among individuals who engaged in

suicidal behaviors. Based on the findings in their studies, they stated that hopelessness among

hospitalized adult patients with suicidal ideation and in psychiatric outpatients predicted eventual

suicide in over a 10-year period (Beck et al, 1985; 1990; 1989). According to Wetzel et al (1980),

compared to depression, hopelessness has been found to be more linked with suicidal ideation and is

more accurate for eventual suicide prediction (Beck et al, 1985). Hopelessness is a cognitive variable

which is a better indicator of suicide-related behavior than depression as mentioned by Hughes &

Neimeyer (1993). As claimed by Edwin Shneidman one of his constructed six elements in a “suicidal

scenario” is that a person may experience an overwhelming desperate feeling of hopelessness that as if

there’s nothing that can be done but to commit suicide as a result of the decision. Corey (2009) quoted

that an individual who experienced emotional difficulties may have faulty assumptions and

misconceptions that often end up into feeling and expressions of hopelessness or negative expectations.

Broken from relationships

The one I love left me. Separation from relationships is just like breaking the basic unit of

existence and purpose of living since man is naturally gregarious. Once the feelings and thoughts of

loneliness becloud their senses as well as when reality confirms that they have been disconnected to the

one they love, the condition is at best to commit suicide. Whoever may have satisfied their needs of

belongingness creates deep attachments that are rooted from their being, whether it is only a friend, a

lover, or a member of the family. But when relationships end, a big hole is carved in their hearts,

leaving them empty, lonely and lifeless.

Jan one of the participants said:

I attempted suicide when Loren left me. There is nothing more that I could do. It’s

just like I cannot live without her anymore. So I am determined to commit suicide than to

live without her.

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In the case of Peter, he got infatuated to his male friend, Larry, as they shared a deeper

friendship fostered by their fondness of the same ideologies and doctrines. Until their relationship

culminated into sexual acts that were both acceptable for them at the beginning. In the company of

Larry, Peter felt loved and belonged. He was accepted for who he is, at the same time he received

satisfaction for his need of male-male intimacy and sexual security. But when their relationship no

longer elicit a favourable response, the love that it supplied to Peter appeared to be gone which is why

suicide would be better off.

Peter said:

When Larry casted me away by his painful words, I knew that our relationship

would be gone. I know that he no longer loves me and no one would ever will. That is why

when I attempted to jump over the creek while Larry was struggling to save me, I said to

him ‘Just let me go, you don’t love me anymore’.

Joiner (2008) pinpointed that a completed suicide must meet one or two kinds of interpersonal

conflicts in order to create a desire to die. One of the relational problems is failed belongingness. Once

there is an experience of abandonment and loss, the person will likely suffer from emptiness and

isolation from a relational world which leads to suicide. The reason behind Peter and Jan’s tight

engagements and dependence on their friend/girlfriend is explained further by Maslow (1970).

According to the Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, people who have received a lesser amount of love

would find that love by engaging in other interpersonal relationships. When belongingness, affection

and acceptance is only given in a little drop, there is a greater thirst for that same love to be poured

even more by other people.

My family had hurt me emotionally and physically. Both the participants had a history of

family problems which appeared to affect their interpersonal relationships with other people. In the

case of Jan, his mother went abroad when he was still five years old in order to work for their living.

Which is why according to Jan’s early recollection, even if his mother communicated her care for him

on the phone, he still had unmet needs of a motherly presence.

We are poor when I was young. So my mother worked hard in order to send us to

school and provide food for our table. But I have an empty heart growing up because I

never felt a motherly presence, it seems that there is always something lacking in me

which could have been fulfilled if she was there for me back then.

Peter was reared at an early age by a harsh environment, domineered by a complicated family.

That is why Peter never felt the warmth and care of having a family. He couldn’t even tell good

memories he had with his mother, father, and sister. He only recalls his past abuse and neglect.

Peter, one of the participants stated:

My father treated me with violence if I make a mistake. I remembered when he hit

me in the eye with a slingshot, hit my arm with a hard stick and always threaten me by

saying he can kill me that is why I retaliated against him in my heart for years. My

mother neglected me as well. In fact, she is more caring and loving to his boyfriend more

than me, her own son. I am always the one who is trying to win her affection but she

pushes me away. I loved her and I longed for her to be in my life but she refuses to

because she regards me as a burden. That is why I grew up, hating her. Even if she dies, I

don’t think I will be affected by her loss.

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Based on Peter’s result on Sach’s sentence completion test, he has an experience of intense

emotional disturbance due to his family and parents. According to Kuroki (2015), it was mentioned that

one of the suicide attempt predictors is the number of conflict happening within the family and family

relatives. In the study of Park et al (2014), it discusses that among the most significant risk factors of

suicide attempt among Koreans are: family disharmony, social support, anger, depression, and low self-

esteem. Family disharmony and psychological factors were the highest of all variables. Further, based

on the study of Balila et al (2010), its findings showed that among the risk factors experienced by

suicide attempters among high school students, family problems scored the highest which is similar to

the study by Hauenstein (2003) that adolescents gain support from friends instead. Another statistics of

a study resulted that family conflicts (50.7%) and conflict with parents (28.7%) were stated to be the

two effective psychosocial factors in suicidal attempts.

A study conducted by Latakiene and Skruibis (2015) indicates that a sense of overwhelming

experience and amassing bothers, liveliness of past experiences in the present, great lack of support in

close relationships, difficulties on reflecting and controlling emotions and thoughts are what impacted

adolescent females to attempt suicide. The essence of close relationship was given emphasis because

when it is lost, it becomes painful and it makes it difficult for a person to look for effective ways

controlling the aspects of their state. But as people are broken in relationships, they are also built in

relationships. When people are in a suicide crisis what they need most is social support.

Feelings of Condemnation

I am guilty and shameful, therefore I deserve to die. A violation that is committed willingly

that brought dishonour and harm to oneself and others germinates into a fearful guilt that encourages a

desire to die. The torture of internalizing a frustration that one deserves as a consequence is poising

minds until a desire to defeat the impressing guilt consumes them. The overwhelming pain of their

mistakes and moral dilemma that is faced perpetuates hatred against themselves, until they will

surrender their fate that deserves death, a murder by their own hands. Suicide is perceived as an inward

retaliations and atonement for the sins they have committed and for the sins that others have committed

against them. The comfort of dying was also evident as the action of suicide is perceived as a self-

sacrifice resulting to a death that has an ultimate aim to let others live in safety from the degradation

that they believe they might cause.

Peter said:

I committed suicide because of the guilt of sin. When I realized that I am

committing a sexual sin against Larry as I initiated sex in response to my lustful desires, I

could not take the guilt that is pressing heavily on me. I think it will explode in my chest

and I want it to stop it. I could not take it anymore! And the only way to do so is to

commit suicide.

In the case of Jan, he had guilt feelings towards his parents for not reaching their ideals for failing their

dreams for him.

Jan, one of the participants said:

I feel guilty to my mother who works hard for me. She sacrifices abroad in order

to send me to school and have a bright future but I only wasted her efforts and dreams for

me. It’s as if I have trampled down her hopes because instead of studying, I engage in

relationships, peer influence, and alcoholism. I hope she can forgive. I also feel the same

way to my father. He was so patient to me even if I threw cursed words to him, he didn’t

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fight back. I hope someday I can make things right and make them proud of me once

more.

Jan realized all the mistakes he had committed against his parents and as a response, he was

guilty of it. However, he perceives to do something about his mistakes instead of allowing them to

consume him. This particular guilty experience of Peter and Jan indicated to cause emotional

disturbances as it was further confirmed by their high score on both measures of guilt and past in the

Sach’s sentence completion test.

I am a destroyed person. Peter was driven to attempt suicide because he believes that what he is

doing is a sacrifice of his own life for others not to perish. As he sees himself as the propagator to

sexual sin, he ought to deliver others, especially his friend from the harm and the damage that he can

cause. Hence, suicide is his only way to protect them from sexual sin and eternal ruin. He sees his life

as the cost of others well-being while he is committed to self-destruction.

Peter said:

I fear that I might corrupt other people to sin. Since I have been a victim of sexual

abuse and now I am becoming a sexual abuser. I don’t want that to happen. I want to

break the cycle of sexual abuse and this means, I have to end myself. It’s better for me to

die than to live abusing others to sexual sin. The bible even says that if you are a

hindrance for the salvation of your brother, it is better if you will cut-off your life in order

to preserve them.

According to the Interpersonal theory of Suicide, Joiner (2009) proposed that one element of

interpersonal conflict that is needed in order for a suicide to be completed involves the notion of

Perceived burdensome. When the individual no longer values their life or finds gratification in it by

their incapacity to imparting substantial contributions, especially if a grievous sin has been committed

that resulted to the misery of others, the individual sees himself as a burden. Such meaninglessness and

self-defeating impositions that carved their identity would drive them to self-sacrifice, a death by

suicide so that others will be saved from the destruction that accompanies their existence. In ancient

Japan, soldiers who brought dishonour to their society are expected to impale a sword to their abdomen

as a sign of sacrifice and pride. This form of suicide is called Altruistic suicide (Durkheim, 1951).

Exposure to past traumatic experiences

I’ve been hurt too much, that’s why. Life has its ups and downs, happiness and sorrows, and

many challenges due to the changes occurring from various circumstances which unexpected events

happen. The journey of life has its unpredictable outcomes that do not always match with people’s

expectations which may test their coping mechanisms. People experience frustrations, sufferings, and

painfulness that are difficult to tolerate. As unpleasant events and traumatic experiences occur, people

become capable of self-destruction considering their negative cognitions to everything and the feeling

of being alone having no one to lean on to. Thus as a result, when people are exposed to traumatic

events they may have the ability to end their lives plus having the desire to die would end up to

committing suicide. The participants had been exposed to many unpleasant events and traumatic events

in their lives and had attempted suicide.

Jan, one of the participants shared:

When my girlfriend, Loren, broke up with me and told me she didn’t love me

anymore I was so distressed and lonely. That time, I was drunk almost every day. I even

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scratched my arms with the bottle pieces I broke and tried to shot myself with a gun due

to the severity of pain I had felt.

Jan had experienced unlikable events in his life. Aside from his broken relationship with Loren,

he had experienced problems in his family and problems in his studies as well which all of these

triggered him to attempt suicide. On the other hand, Peter has his own past unpleasant experiences as

well.

Peter stated that:

I had experienced being physically hurt by my father, hitting me with things,

pointing a slingshot in my eyes and threatening me saying he’d kill me and his violence

had traumatized me. I also had often witnessed the numerous severe quarrels of my

parents. And in as early as 5 years old, I had been exposed to sexual immoralities already

by my uncle that influenced me to do these until I reached 3rd year in high school which

became the peak of doing such sexual wickedness.

Understanding risk factors for suicide involves acquired capability and reasons for attempting

suicide such as internal perturbation based reasons vs. extrapunitive reasons, and suicidal ideation as

mentioned by Kene and Hovey (2004). Based on Joiner (2005), provocative and painful experiences

reduce the fear of self-injury in which they become habituated to pain. According to a research study

findings, it indicates that an individual who has acquired capability for suicide can only be harmful

when he will have the desire to die. As a result, the more experience of physical discomfort and

exposure to painful events an individual has, when discomfort intolerance diminishes the more he

become habituated to enduring fear and more capable he is to engage in suicidal behavior. Thus, this

increases the possibility to possess the desire to die. Also, they mentioned that their study was

consistent with other previous research studies implying that having the ability to resist and escape

aversive physical sensations may be a key to suicidal behavior (Pennings&Anestis, 2013).

Factors that helped them [respondents] recover from suicide attempt

The pathway towards recovery begins when there is an active interaction from supportive

relationships, from professional assistance, and loving attachments from the family members and

friends, trust in God, cognitive intentionality to recover, and physical involvements that are reinforcing.

The reshaping of one’s cognition from dying to living is influenced by relationships that are obtained

from social support systems and from a relational God. When the mind has regained its persistence for

survival, the body is aroused to engage in physical revival that will express the minds desires to live.

This is channeled through voicing out their thoughts and feelings, and taking an active involvement to

activities that further strengthens connection to the social world that eventually develops a deeper sense

of worth. Until the value of life is realized, a commitment will be made to eradicate death instincts that

will pave a way to their rebirth as a new person. This study found that there are three factors for

recovery: Relationships (social support and God), a change of mind (realization, commitment to live,

and cognitive reconstruction) and Physical engagements.

Relationships

Social support system. People are born to be relational beings. One of the factors that affect the

mind of an individual is his social aspect. An individual has his own struggles in facing challenges in

life and it is hard to face the battle alone. A person can be driven to commit suicide when there is no

sense of belongingness felt and yet could also be a source of hope despite the unpleasantness of life.

Page 12 of 21

Jan stated that:

What helped me recovered is because of the help and comforts of my friends and

my Uncle. They encouraged me and gave me advices that helped me regain myself from

the suicide crisis. My friends and my Uncle had supported me and were always there for

me until I became okay. I thought that maybe if it was not for my friends, family, and for

those people who’d helped me I would not be able to recover.

Peter mentioned that:

During my downfall, I was staying at the house of this mother-like woman and she

has always given me words of encouragements every day. She always treated me like her

own son and she knows what I’ve been going through. I express my desires to die every

time I get stressed and this would make her cry all the time. She’d ask me questions why I

wanted to die and would always remind me to lean on to God. Throughout my suicidal

crisis, my phone was always flooded by messages of comfort and encouragements which I

didn’t even know whom those came from.

Family members’ support, can help individuals develop self-esteem; furthermore, when greater

optimism is built it can lessen suicidal risks regardless of the negative events happening in one’s life

(Hirsch, et al, 2007; Sharaf, Thompson, Walsh, 2009). Based on the study of Han et al (2014), it

indicates that one of the essential parts in the process of recovering among adolescents is the loving

attachment which is the need for social support, mainly on mentorship, that will guide the individuals

along. Chi (2011) conducted a study in which he mentioned that recovery process for suicide

attempters is divided into five phases which includes the inter-relatedness of life that this is the stage

when people seek help from the professionals and from social environmental support.

Relationship with God. The ultimate value of life becomes understandable when a person

realizes that they are inextricably in a relationship with a God who created their being. Such knowledge

of God and His love that goes beyond infinity transforms the lifelessness of existence into hopes that

revives a person to live. The suicidality is thrived away from the belief when faith takes its leap and the

entire course of life is changed as they confidently assure it in the hands of the One who gave them.

Therefore, life is given worth and life is given an opportunity to flourish.

Jan said:

When I was sobbing in my room as I suffer from all the pain, I saw a strange big

dusty book on the table. It was a bible and I remember the comforting words which my

uncle uttered. He told me to always trust in it because it contains God’s promises. So I

opened it and read. All of the sudden, my mourning was turned into an uplifting hope

when I discovered someone must have loved me after all that I have done. It says “For

God so loved the world that He gave His only Son that whosoever believes in Him will not

perish but have everlasting life”. If God did everything to give me life eternal, who am I

to commit suicide?” From then one, I started to pray. When I became a little bit better, I

asked my uncle to bring me to the church that he was going because I wanted to know

more about God.

The same experience is true for Peter. After he had been reading quotations and writings given

to him by his friends, his heart was opened for God.

Peter said:

Those bible based messages from my auntie, friends, and even from that unknown

texter draw me closer to God. I actually wanted to give up on my religion, but every time

Page 13 of 21

I think about the Lord, I don’t feel like abandoning my faith. I only praise God because he

never gave up on me until I eventually recovered.

The realization of their sinful choice in attempting suicide lead them to understand that after all,

God was the answer to all their problems and that they should have trusted in Him in the first place.

This enlightenment from their suicide attempt helped them comprehend the essence and the sacredness

of life in the perspective of religion (Akotia et al, 2014). A person’s reason and decision to live stems

from the strength of one’s religious and moral convictions against suicide (Lizardi et al., 2007)

Religion has a protective factor against suicide (Gearing & Lizardi, 2009; Sisask et al., 2010)

because it is associated into ideologies that encourage the preservation of life ((Dervic, 2004; Koenig,

2008). When the suicidal person clings to God in prayer during hard times, a relationship between the

Divine and the mortal soul is inextricably interwoven. This bond develops into an intimate spiritual

interaction just like that of a human social support that enhances help and comfort from all the pain

(Levine, 2008). Religious practices are implicated as common coping strategies even for suicide

behaviours (Koenig, 2008). As they experience the love of God and His divine purpose for their lives,

they began to see themselves as to be living beings that must cherish the life within (Bostik & Everall,

2007). These religious practices are associated to obtaining personal resource, such as prayer and

meditation; and social resource, such as group membership support and spiritual activities, of which all

alleviates potentiality to suicide (Folkman & Moskowitz, 2004).

A change of mind

Realizations. Life is purported to have its absolute significance but it tends to be forgotten when

a person is going on tragic experiences. Once a person had been through so much in life to the point

that almost everything is gone, then that would probably be the time when a person realizes its value.

Thus sometimes in life, it is better to be abased than to be abound in order to know life’s worth.

In Jan’s experiences as he was recovering, he declared that:

I cleared my mind as I realized what I’ve been doing. I am making a mess out of

my life. I realized that I am destroying my future, the hopes of my family and rejecting

God’s love. Why would I be given a life if I am just going to destroy it? I think there is

more of life than this, I think there is something for me out there.

Peter also shared that:

As my suicidal thoughts slowly decreases, my right reasoning become more

dominant. I imagined and thought to myself how come Larry doesn’t seem to be affected

despite of that incident while here I am greatly affected up to the point of destroying my

own life just because of that person. Then little by little, I began to realize that I would be

such a waste if I had committed suicide.

In the process of recovering, suicide attempters gain self-awareness from ‘living to die’ to

‘dying to live’ (Ke, 2008; Bergmans, 2008). According to a study by Han et al (2014), the participants

have come to realization that suicide is not a solution to their problems and that they should not easily

take their own lives. Also, the participants re-examined the meaning of their lives and value of their

existence. In the study of Sun & Long (2012) it indicated that the participants had their turning point of

which they have come to understand that they no longer want to die and gained awareness in learning

that there are choices in life. The findings of the study revealed that after the attempt, they realized they

did not want to die when they felt their worth as a human-being.

Page 14 of 21

Commitment to live. As the essence of life embraces the stricken and tired suicide attempter,

little by little the experience of living is perceived with renewed purpose that makes them strive for it.

They begin to commit themselves to a fight for life instead of choosing suicide as they came to realize

the devastating effect of their melancholy. This decision, living instead of dying, requires an entire

conversion of their thoughts and emotions that is accomplished through a commitment for change, a

vow to live no matter how challenges will pursue its inflicting power. Only genuine commitment that

springs from sincerity and determination could create real change.

Jan, one of the participants said:

I asked myself in front of the mirror—I have to change otherwise I won’t be able

to recover if I won’t help myself. And when I was alone, I asked myself “what will you

become? Are you going to be suicidal like this forever? When you grow up are you just

going to stay like this?” a drunkard, then later on a throwing tantrums, and then

inflicting myself to bleed. At that time I thought to myself that I really had to stop doing

this, it is only me who can make out a way, so I have to decide and I have to do it. I have

to because I pitied myself that I couldn’t eat anymore; I’ll just commit suicide, drink

alcohol, and then soak myself in tears.

There has to be a daily renewal of one’s commitment that will serve as a reminder.

Jan exclaimed:

There are times when I remember them, sometimes the idea of suicide still sparks

and if it was not for the things that I was doing I would not have recovered. Suicide was

the only thing on my mind, but no! I have to fix this, I have to fix my life back. I need to

live!

The commitment is usually expressed and vowed to self but such can also be vowed to God

whom the person recognizes as the owner and giver of life. This act of commitment signifies that the

person submits his desires to live and his willfulness to constrain his desires to die unto the will of God

whom he trusts. When the person realizes that he is not alone in his commitment, a sense of

accountability will drive them to fulfill what they have promised, especially when they have promised

it to God.

Peter stated:

Every time I get stressed, I have suicide ideations. But I mind-set myself not to… I

remember that there was a time in my life when I said, “Lord, I will not do that

anymore”. I told the Lord those words. So when I am stressed, I remove those ideations

from my thoughts.

The solution to a person’s problems is also found within them, meaning recovery will finally

take its course when one realizes that they have the key to their own well-being (Han et al, 2014).

When the desire to live is contemplated, a desire to fix one’s life is activated through strengthening

their self-confidence and abilities to overcome problems. Their central aim in life is focused on

harnessing peaceful ways of relating to life and contentment on what may come. After their awareness,

they will begin an impetus striving within to live even though sometimes the thought of suicide comes

back to haunt them (Sun & Long, 2013). Self-reflection or the dedication to continue living can be

made even if the person is still struggling from depressive feelings. By doing this, they are already

constructing future prospects and hopes that will keep them away from going back to their suicidal life

because that commitment is a promise that they must surely do with their own volition (Crona et al,

2017).

Page 15 of 21

Cognitive Reconstructing: negative thoughts to positive thoughts. As many people always say

that life has its ups and downs but what matters most is how people perceive the situation they are in.

People have the tendency to overlook at things in a negative way not knowing what goes beyond the

other side of life has. As a result, people suffer because they chose to and decided to be that way. But

nevertheless, when people have positive thoughts despite the bad circumstances they still managed to

get a better outcome. Thus, being positive in life brings out better results for they could think of

alternative ways to handle life stressors.

Jan explained that:

I need to clear my mind. I have to think of the good things in life instead of those

bad things. It is time for me to change the way I think, rather than wasting my life instead

I need to look at the brighter side of life which is to enjoy living my life moving on rather

than wasting it. There are times when I had suicidal thoughts and I try to combat this with

positivity.

As for Peter, he said that:

I learned that I have to teach myself in having a proper mind-set. And so I was

taught by my mentor to deflect my negative thoughts into positive thoughts. He gave me

an example based on my experiences such as the water that reminds me of my painful

past moments with Larry. Instead of stressing myself about it, I was taught to think of

another concept that will represent it like Jesus, who is the Living Water.

Suicide attempters had initially worked at shifting from their fixed and obsessive suicidal

thoughts into becoming more flexible in thinking and way of being in the world. At the same time, they

developed effective techniques in lessening unhealthy stress and coping up with negative thought and

feelings (Sun & Long, 2012). Based on the study by Han et al (2014), the suicide attempters initially

rebuilt the troubling scenarios or events that they had. Those individuals who incorporated greater

optimism in facing extreme stressors in life showed to have lesser risk for suicide ideation and attempts

compared to those with less optimism that are of greater risk, according to the study (Hirsch et al,

2007).

Engaging to physical activities. When emotional and cognitive contents overload

psychological process, an exhaust must be opened in order to lessen the pressure that ranges within.

This is possible through venting out these extreme feelings and thoughts in the form of physical

activities that will serve as outlets. Once it has erupted into those activities, the intensity within will be

normalized, and the heaviness is at least soothed into ease that dismisses the internal tension.

Jan shared that:

One of the things I did that really helped me in recovering was expressing out all

my inner thoughts and feelings through screaming on the top of my lungs. All the painful

feelings and heavy burdens that I carry deep in my heart I shouted out everything I

wanted to say with my utmost energy I have.Uncle also helped me and toured me around

and took me to different places with beautiful views which I won’t be able to witness when

I’m gone.

Peter, one of the participants exclaimed:

I make myself busy in the ministry. That is why I was able to plant a church and

convert many souls to the Adventist faith. I even say to my cousin, “You are the fruit of

my depression! If I was not depressed, then you would not be Adventists”. I have to do

Page 16 of 21

this because I need to rise again and get even with life. So the things that I used to do, I

do it again.

Jan expressed:

Whenever I am doing something, I tend to forget my problems including the time I

attempted suicide. When I am alone, I still make myself busy until I tried to evaluate

myself with everything that had happen to me day by day and I found that it was actually

enjoyable!

As the suicide attempters gained the awareness to change, they got engaged with different

activities for self-exploration which includes reading or re-examining their thoughts and behaviours by

relating with mentors or good friends. Suicide attempters worked at recreating a positive self-image by

shifting from their unhealthy coping behaviours to more healthy ones and learned to cope up with their

negative thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, relieving their own suffering is done by using themselves

to service for mankind because it will help them realize about their worth in their world. (Sun & Long,

2013). Letting go of the pressure inside through activities that involves interpersonal and intrapersonal

exploration opens the way to their new chapter, a life that is well-lived. Such activities that encourage

may vary; some may be absorbed to stay at home, while others go to trips with friends. As long as the

activity they are into allows them to express their heaviness and unload their pains, then it helps them

to regain the basic joys of existence and it can serve as a buffer against suicidal behaviours (Han et al,

2014). Therefore, it is best for individuals who are still disturbed by suicidal thoughts to find unique

ways to release it outside their bodies (Wong & Wong, 2007).

Conclusion

The suicidal life is a battle against tragic excruciations with a severe psychological pain that has

incapacitated the individual’s desire to live. The harsh realities of life had been imposed into their

weakest state such as engaging in broken relationships, violation of their morality, and daily unpleasant

circumstances until hopelessness was perceived in all their affairs in life. Finally when they have

reached the point of heightened vulnerability to self-destruction, their determination to live has

collapsed, paving way to their commitment and acts of suicide. This led them to forget the beauty of

life and its significance. But despite of a suicidal’s devastating case, there is still a life within that has

to be revived, a hope that has to be restored. Through the help of loving people along with their

relationship to God, by obtaining a new mind, and engagement to reinforcing activities they are able to

move on. Moment by moment, the individual embraces the essence of life until they will be driven

again by a desire to understand the deeper meaning of their existence.

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