chuck norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it
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When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes. - PowerPoint PPT PresentationTRANSCRIPT
Chuck Norris Facts
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get
charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends
could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris Facts
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat
lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
Chuck Norris Facts
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck
Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Chuck Norris Facts
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was
10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a
Wendy's.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the
blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark
red.
Chuck Norris Facts
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the
preferred method of execution in 16 states.
Chuck Norris Facts
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck
Norris.
Chuck Norris Facts
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to
1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks
through.
Chuck Norris Facts
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be
because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of
women.
Chuck Norris Facts
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a
woodchuck could Chuck Norris?
All of it.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books. The words
assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris Facts
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an
even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris Facts
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44
minutes.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris Facts
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless
Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most
likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris Facts
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth
one billion words.
Chuck Norris Facts
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse
kick.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called
Chuck-Will-Kill.
Chuck Norris Facts
When an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger was aired in
France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris Facts
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding
titanium.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became
apparent that their account of the War of 1812 was plagiarized from his
autobiography.
Chuck Norris Facts
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
Chuck Norris Facts
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Chuck Norris Facts
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than
20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow
Tuesday."
Chuck Norris Facts
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck
Norris to go around.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut
Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Facts
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is
larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of
Carmen Sandiego.
Chuck Norris Facts
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every
answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire
spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise
invented pink.
Chuck Norris Facts
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to one. One roundhouse kick to
the face.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris has the greatest poker face of all time. He won
the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free
Monopoly card, a two of clubs, a seven of spades and a
green number four UNO card.
Chuck Norris Facts
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky
child to be thrown into the sun.
Chuck Norris Facts
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck
Norris throws down!
Chuck Norris Facts
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris
roundhouse-kicked that nothing in the face and said
"Get a job." That is the story of the universe.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris has twelve moons. One of those moons is
the Earth.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Chuck Norris Facts
Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating
back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who
has encountered Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got
one.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was
instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
Chuck Norris Facts
If you Google "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just
doesn't happen.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-
seven seconds.
Chuck Norris Facts
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the
Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes; he just knocks down one pin and the other nine
faint.
Chuck Norris Facts
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with
Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to
retrieve the footage.
Chuck Norris Facts
It takes Chuck Norris twenty minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris Facts
You know how they say if you die in your dream, then you
will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death, Chuck
Norris will find you and kill you.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human
life…unless it gets in his way.
Chuck Norris Facts
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until
Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked one of the corners off.
Chuck Norris Facts
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris Facts
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk
around people. He walks through them.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills.
They made him blink.
Chuck Norris Facts
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the
Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that
would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he
went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris Facts
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it
fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendants now have white
hair.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully-loaded
gun, and won.
Chuck Norris Facts
It takes fourteen puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only two to make him destroy
an orphanage.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's overpopulation. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within
1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Chuck Norris Facts
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears
Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San
Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a
75% chance of pain.
Chuck Norris Facts
Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can
stretch diamonds back into coal.
Chuck Norris Facts
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself
up. He's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in
that order.
Chuck Norris Facts
A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your
coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one roundhouse kick to
the face.
Chuck Norris Facts
Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue.
Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.
Chuck Norris Facts
An anagram for Walker, Texas Ranger is KARATE
WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it
sounds AWESOME.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys
chairs, bed frames, and sidewalks.
Chuck Norris Facts
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck
Norris once made a field goal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay
from the fifty yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San
Diego.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire
existence from the space-time continuum.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish
best served cold.
Chuck Norris Facts
Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris
because The Sum of All Fears is the name of Chuck Norris'
autobiography.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path
to his door.
Chuck Norris Facts
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck
Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only five
pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first
chapter.
Chuck Norris Facts
Helen Keller's favorite color was Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to
make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more
beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Chuck Norris Facts
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris
would ever fight himself, he'd win.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris is currently suing MySpace for taking the name
of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris Facts
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die Slowly" and "Die Quickly."
They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or
kicking a pedestrian.
Chuck Norris Facts
Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily
of an element called Chucktanium.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space
expedition.
Chuck Norris Facts
Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas
Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on
necks.
Chuck Norris Facts
The movie Delta Force was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to
downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely
unbelievable.
Chuck Norris Facts
Movie trivia: The movie Invasion U.S.A. is, in fact, a
documentary.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lies perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
Chuck Norris Facts
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun
up.
Chuck Norris Facts
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United
States are: 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris
3. Cancer
Chuck Norris Facts
It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt
double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris'
skin.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris did, in fact, build Rome in a day.
Chuck Norris Facts
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to
wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it.
Ever.
Chuck Norris Facts
Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
Chuck Norris Facts
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But
usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused
to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that
actually is "his way."
Chuck Norris Facts
The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one
knows, because dead men tell no tales.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
Chuck Norris Facts
As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a
convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months
later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in
professional football history.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse
kick.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris won Super Bowls VII and VIII single-
handedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in
ass-kicking.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
night.
Chuck Norris Facts
Some kids play kick the can. Chuck Norris played kick the
keg.
Chuck Norris Facts
"Icy-Hot" is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot magma.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris cannot love; he can only not kill.
Chuck Norris Facts
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his
mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight
out of the bottle.
Chuck Norris Facts
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you
yesterday.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
Chuck Norris Facts
In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American
Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for
scientific research.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris’ favorite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
Chuck Norris Facts
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds," he was
not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the
Chuck Norris Halloween costume he was wearing.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a
canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris Facts
In a recent survey, it was discovered the 94% of
American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The
other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates
karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris
kicks your ass, don’t be offended or hurt. He may be just trying to tell you he likes
your hat.
Chuck Norris Facts
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Facts
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and
every day he'd kick your ass.
Chuck Norris Facts
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He
can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse
kick from Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris's show is called Walker, Texas Ranger,
because Chuck Norris doesn't run.
Chuck Norris Facts
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper
clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
Chuck Norris Facts
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is
Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Facts
What’s known as the Ultimate Fighting Championship
doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, non-
Chuck Norris Division.”
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain
alcohol.
Chuck Norris Facts
The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him
in half and count the rings.
Chuck Norris Facts
There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and
Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
Chuck Norris Facts
Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots
ain't that merciful.
Chuck Norris Facts
The U.S. did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in
Moscow due to political reasons. Chuck Norris killed the entire U.S. team with a
single round house kick during Tae Kwon Do practice.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
Chuck Norris Facts
The Bible was originally titled Chuck Norris and Friends.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-
day opponents less laughably pathetic.
Chuck Norris Facts
Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors?
Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
Chuck Norris Facts
When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell," he MEANS it.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
Chuck Norris Facts
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it
knows you don't find Chuck Norris--he finds you.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris Facts
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and
punched the ground.
Chuck Norris Facts
It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a
mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went
back in time and fathered himself.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck
Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris Facts
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he roundhouse-kicked the
deputy.
Chuck Norris Facts
That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups--that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
Chuck Norris Facts
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris
eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have
nearly enough balls.
Chuck Norris Facts
Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light
bulb? A: None. Chuck Norris prefers
to kill in the dark.
Chuck Norris Facts
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it
would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
Chuck Norris Facts
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-
kick related deaths have increased thirteen thousand
percent.
Chuck Norris Facts
Crime does not pay, unless you are an undertaker
following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris invented the internet--just so he had a place to store his porn.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random
houses and people move.
Chuck Norris Facts
It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse
kick.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles
and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Chuck Norris Facts
Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck
Norris needs toothpicks.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris smells what The Rock is cooking, because The
Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris Facts
"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what
Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
Chuck Norris Facts
When God said, "let there be light," Chuck Norris said, "say
'please.'"
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the
only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own
body.
Chuck Norris Facts
One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a
massive erection. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in
time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three
bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head
exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information
he wants.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck
Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck
Norris.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn
falls down.
Chuck Norris Facts
Before each filming of Walker, Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is
injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant
tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and
mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors
he fights.
Chuck Norris Facts
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he
turns into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with
that?" because by now everyone should know that
Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its
descendants are known today as giraffes.
Chuck Norris Facts
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck
Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
Chuck Norris Facts
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were
cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris
roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris
roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never
to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around
ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
Chuck Norris Facts
If Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicks you, you will die. If
Chuck Norris misses you with the roundhouse kick, the wind
behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.
Chuck Norris Facts
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would
be Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like
the rest of us. The only difference is then he kills
people.
Chuck Norris Facts
Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Facts
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck
Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of sixteen.
Seconds.
Chuck Norris Facts
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and
Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly
after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars
to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with
Nicole Kidman, and seven months later she prematurely
gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only eighteen
cards.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives
he had killed and eaten.
Chuck Norris Facts
Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to
Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and
finding people to kill.
Chuck Norris Facts
For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck
Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human
skulls.
Chuck Norris Facts
Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse
kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
Chuck Norris Facts
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole."
Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent
him through the earth, stopping just short of the
surface of Iraq.
Chuck Norris Facts
Coroners refer to dead people as ABCs: Already Been
Chucked.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses
the street--he just roundhouses any cars that get
too close.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard
picks up the incoming electrical impulses and
translates them into audible sound.
Chuck Norris Facts
How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the
center of a Tootsie Pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time
it is.
Chuck Norris Facts
The phrase "break a leg" was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker,
Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a
broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This
never proved to be the case.
Chuck Norris Facts
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no
remainders.
Chuck Norris Facts
If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris," they also spell
"Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.
Chuck Norris Facts
Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will
bite your damn eyes off.
Chuck Norris Facts
Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better
than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth
was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him
with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off
easy.
Chuck Norris Facts
The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas
Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Facts
"Guantanamo Bay, Cuba," is the military code word for Chuck Norris' basement.
Chuck Norris Facts
The phrase "balls to the wall" was originally conceived to
describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller
than an aircraft hangar.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen
from outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris Facts
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck
Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
Chuck Norris Facts
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who
lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris Facts
The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck
Norris come off without a hitch.
Chuck Norris Facts
The phrase "dead ringer" refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a
movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis'
career.
Chuck Norris Facts
Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time
without proper eye protection will cause blindness, and
possibly foot sized bruises on the face.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris can taste lies.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and
assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in
the billions.
Chuck Norris Facts
One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of
Ohio.
Chuck Norris Facts
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris
roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
Chuck Norris Facts
They had to edit the first ending of Lone Wolf McQuade
after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and
eat him.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is
notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history
that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache.
Or a head.
Chuck Norris Facts
When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total
Gym feels like it's been raped.
Chuck Norris Facts
Four out of five doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a
solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die
unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
Chuck Norris Facts
The only sure things are Death and Taxes. When
Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same
thing.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no
survivors.
Chuck Norris Facts
With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is
beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
Chuck Norris Facts
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris. The
result is death.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce
tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission:
seek and destroy.
Chuck Norris Facts
To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck
Norris.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the
face a fight?
Chuck Norris Facts
There are two types of people in the world: people that suck,
and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet
itself out of fear.
Chuck Norris Facts
If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in
theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
Chuck Norris Facts
Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris'
ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a
roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris Facts
The pie scene in American Pie is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was
younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the
molten crater of an active volcano.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet
paper.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris Facts
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker, Texas Ranger. It
is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.
Chuck Norris Facts
The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.
Chuck Norris Facts
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a
chicken.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a
bowling ball.
Chuck Norris Facts
According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck
Norris created God by snapping his fingers.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in
pig's blood.
Chuck Norris Facts
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you. Forty seven
times.
Chuck Norris Facts
The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game. It was an
exhibition game against Chuck Norris and three seven
year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse kick to
the face in overtime.