College Apps Essay #1 Results

DE102 Periods 1 and 4

Fall 2015

How are you feeling about the CAEU?

a) Pretty good. I’m happy with my scores but am still trying to improve.

b) Okay. I have writer’s block and I’m struggling to get the ideas in my head on paper.

c) Meh. This is stupid. I’m not even going to college. Why are we even doing this?

d) Don’t make eye contact with me. It’s so early I can’t even remember if I brushed my teeth.

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By the numbers

• 38 students

• 5 hours of grading time

• 1 hour of grade analysis

• 1 student utilized conferencing in order to plan• said student scored “above average”

Grade breakdown:

• 10 A’s (26%)

• 11 B’s (29%)

• 10 C’s (26%)

• 7 D’s/F’s (18%)

• 55% “Above average”

Oops

• Many students spent less than two sentences justifying their acceptance.

• Ditch “dawn of time” statements.

• “Definitions” hooks were not effective

My bad…

• Next year, I will teach the lesson on thesis first.

• Were brainstorming sessions clear? Helpful?

• Feedback here on how to prepare?

Thesis Statements

• “As with any type of performance, three things that revolutionize musical talent are patience, dedication, and confidence.” –Bryana

• “A strange trend began to occur in sixth grade: screens were everywhere. Even traditional pen and paper tests were replaced with keyboards and plasma screens.” –Roxy

• “The only differences between heroes and villains is public opinion and the way each justifies their actions.” -Hudson

Thesis Statements

• “When people ask about this experience, I explain it simply: I grew up that day.” –Karlee

• “As I approached the stoplight, it turned yellow and I was forced to face a decision that required judgment, experience, and knowledge.” –Danielle

Thesis-like closing Statements

• “ As I glided across the water I felt weightless. I was free. I had achieved an accomplishment by suppressing the desire to give up. The experience was so beautiful and special that it was worth the efforts.” –Jordan

• “I’ve come to understand that silence isn’t always a sign of respect and body language is an important part of conversation.” –Ericka

• “My downhill adventure on the boar ramp became my journey in life. I had decisions to make, and behind every decision was a mistake waiting to happen.” -Lindsey

Thesis-like closing Statements

• “I learned that communication can prevent obstacles and sometimes you can overcome obstacles by looking at the big picture of a conversation.” –Marcus

• “I realized I was no longer thinking like a child.” –Shelby

• “My name is like an acronym for who I am.” -Todd

Successful use of humor

• “I didn’t understand childbirth. For all I knew, my little sister would arrive in the mailbox”. –Michayla

• “[name] was the top of his class. He was famous for beating a fifth grader in the mile run on field day. I had to have him.” –Jessica

• “When I was three years old, I was in love with Buzz Lightyear and I was convinced I was going to marry him someday.” – Ariel

Great hooks

• “Waldo doesn’t exist: he’s just an idea.” – Coral

• “Things happen. Harm peeks into everyone’s life.” –Lance

• “We choose our enemies.” Abby

Consider this approach…

• Include a thesis in the upper third of your paper.

• Have a “thesis-like” statement in your conclusion.

• Build up your “take-away”, acceptance, or ethos pitch.

Based on these results…

• How has your understanding of college application essays evolved since we started the unit?

• What are you planning to do differently for Essay 3?

• What will you continue to do for Essay 3?

Most importantly

There’s sugar.

During this podcast:

Write informal notes that will help you write a thesis statement later.

Your thesis will not summarize the story, it will analyze it. As you listen, you’ll need to form your own opinion or “takeaway” about the podcast.

• “demonstrated interest”

• avoid cliché stories, especially if they have cliché morals