Communicating for Rapport

v. 12-5-2011

Learning Objectives

Understand impact of different communication styles on coaching and facilitation

Learn and know how to use specific communication techniques based on individual styles

Understand active listening and other key components of successful communication

Two Way Communication

Communication Exercise

Active Listening

Did you know thoughts move 4 times as fast as speech!?

If you are really listening, you should feel tired after your speaker has finished talking

Listening and hearing are different

Understanding is a deeper stage of hearing

Validating/Questioning is the next stage.

How Do I Actively Listen?

Role Play: Think of a really important time in your life. Something that you have great pride and a sense of accomplishment about. Come up and tell me the story.

Ask & Participate: What happened?

Discussion: What are the traits of active listening?

Traits of Active ListeningWhat does active listening look like?

Not talking! Obvious, I know…. Watching and listening with whole body Listening for NON VERBAL communication Patience No interruptions Understanding intent and validating meaning Calmness Empathy Silence

Power of Silence

Role Play: Think of a place you have to go after work – it could be an errand, could be a meeting with a friend, something.

Two people are going to act out this scene with one telling them where they are going and what they are going to do after work. This is a dialogue, so questions, relating statements and other discussion can ensue.

RULES: Perform the scene with alternating lines of dialogue. Once your partner has finished speaking, you can speak. But you must count silently to 5 first!

Silence and Active Listening Too often, we formulate our responses in a

conversation BEFORE the other person has finished speaking

Leads to: Interruptions Misinterpretation Misreading of intent Feeling of lack of alignment Hurts trust and rapport

Active listening helps to engender: Buy in and commitment Engagement with the solution devised

Barriers to Good Communication

Different communication styles Action – Direct, Impatient, Decisive, Quick, Energetic Process – Systematic, Logical, Factual, Unemotional People – Spontaneous, Empathetic, Warm,

Subjective, Emotional Idea – Imaginative, Charismatic, Ego-Centered,

Creative, Unrealistic

Identify communication styles – DISC, Communication Assessments

Understand each member’s style

Behavioral Communication Styles

Assessments allow you to customize your approach

Anticipating member reactions and communication needs builds bonds

BRIGHT IDEA: Some of the brightest members require more processing time. For those, presenting an idea or solution IN ADVANCE of the coaching session (or board meeting) may enable better discussion.

Adaptive Communications

Different learning/engaging styles Kinesthetic Auditory Visual ASK & PARTICIPATE: What kind of

communicators and learners are you? Which words do you use most often? I see what you are saying. I hear what you are saying. I understand, I know what you are saying.

Match & Mirror – Communicate for Rapport

People like each other when they tend to be like each other.

Communicating for rapport has 3 components: 55% is physiology 38% tonality 7% process words

In other words, much of communication is not in the words we say but HOW we say them

Match and mirror communication techniques allow us to enter someone else’s “world”

Matching & Mirroring Guidelines

Mirroring is not mimicry Mirroring is subtle, respectful Mirroring creates a deep sense of trust –

use it responsibly Many feel uncomfortable with mirroring

But it is a natural part of the rapport communications

Done respectfully, matching and mirroring creates positive feelings and creates the safe haven your members need from you

How to Match & Mirror Any observable behavior can be mirrored

Posture Hand gestures Vocal qualities Perception words Energy levels

Select a behavior or quality you wish to mirror Energy, vocal cadence are often positive High energy matches with high energy Rapid speech with rapid speech

Cross-over matching

Mirroring Exercise

• Break into pairs – Count off as 1 and 2

• Start with Person 1 – tell your partner about your professional background

• Act naturally – use the gestures you typically would

• When I call SWITCH, switch from 1 to 2, with 2 doing the talking and 1 mirroring. Alternate every time I call SWITCH.

• Now FLIP. When I call FLIP, begin intentionally mis-matching your partner’s gestures, cadence, and style

Mirroring Discussion

Discussion: Debrief the exercise Did you start to feel “in sync” with your

partner? How did it feel? What did you experience when you

were mis-matching each other? How can you apply matching and

mirroring in your coaching session?

Unspoken Words

The unspoken word conveys a great deal

Watch for Eye contact Tone of voice Contradictions between body language and words

Ask questions How… Tell me more… Can you elaborate on that… So, what I’m hearing from you is….

Using Narrative

Real world examples create a greater impression Use real life stories, things your member can really

relate to

Change perspective – Describe what NOT to do

Protect the confidentiality of anyone about whom you are sharing a story Make sure your member knows you are protecting

confidentiality They want to know you will preserve their

confidentiality, too!

Coaching Communication Miscues

In 20 years, our members have identified common mistakes in coaching communication: Counter attacks Negative body language “Yes’ing” Not being open to member’s ideas Not allowing for time to process the complexity of challenges Lack of proper perspective Combativeness or argumentative Unreasonable Disengaging Overuse of jargon and acronyms

We all have a unique style Observe and reflect your members’ communication styles to avoid miscues

Avoiding Board Communication Challenges

Share communication styles with the board

Establish board communication rules

Moderate the board to: Keep members’ comments constructive Respect varying communication styles

Discussion: What strategies can you use to ensure constructive communication among board members?

Conclusion and Summary

Clear communication is critical We all have our own style –

adaptation is essential Ask & Participate:

Did you hear anything today that really clicked?

What are your top takeaways from this session?

How will you apply what you’ve learned today in your TAB business?