COMMUNICATION: THE KEY TO

ESTABLISHING RELATIONSHIPS

Judith Ann Pauley, PhD.

Chief Executive Officer

Process Communication Inc.

Potomac, Maryland, U.S.A. 20854

Joseph F. Pauley

President

Process Communications Inc.

Potomac, Maryland, U.S.A. 20854

Summary

This paper will show managers and executives how to individualize the way they

communicate with and motivate each of their employees so that employees and team members

will be happier in their job, healthier, more productive and more willing to implement quality

programs. Research shows that all employees can do well on teams and in the workplace if they

are managed and motivated according to their needs (Kahler, 2000, Gilbert 2004). Dr. Taibi

Kahler, an internationally acclaimed psychologist, has shown that the key to forming positive

relationships with employees and fellow team members is to help them get their motivational

needs met positively and to communicate with them speaking the employees language and using

the employees favorite mode of communication. (Kahler, 1982). A working knowledge of the

concepts of Process Communication enables managers to understand how to motivate each of

their employees so that they can address the motivational needs of each type every day.

Key Words

Behavior, channels of communication, communication, distress, distress

behaviors, language, management, mismanagement, motivation, perceptions, personality,

personality types, process communication, psychological needs, quality, quality program,

relationships, Taibi Kahler.

Text

President Dwight D. Eisenhower defined leadership as the art of getting someone

else to do what you want done because they want to do it. Throughout his career, he worked to

establish trust with the people he led by establishing relationships with them and communicating

clearly with them . Lee Iacocca, the former CEO of Chrysler Corporation, in his book Where

Have All The Leaders Gone? lists the ability to communicate as one of nine traits that effective

leaders must have. Irwin Federman, the former CEO of a high tech company, said, I contend

that all other things being equal we will work harder and more effectively for people we like.

And we will like them in direct proportion to how they make us feel. Clearly, he too felt that

establishing positive relationships with colleagues and subordinates was critically important in

being a successful manager.

Mazlow clearly recognized the importance of relationships to performance of duties

when he listed relationships before mastery in his hierarchy of needs. He said that people must

have their basic needs for food, shelter, etc. met first. Then he listed safety as the need that must

get met next. Third came relationships and only then did he list mastery and job performance.

Unfortunately, many managers are so focused on goal achievement that they forget the needs of

their people and do not bother to establish relationships with all of them. They may believe that

the fact they are being paid to do a job is sufficient motivation, and therefore, they neglect to

establish relationships with them. Effective managers know that this is not enough.

Quality managers must be able to communicate clearly and, if they are to be effective,

must establish relationships with everyone. Unfortunately, none of the management or

leadership books tell managers and leaders how to communicate more effectively or how to

establish positive relationships with others so that every stakeholder will see their vision clearly

and will want to help their managers carry it out. Most people have difficulty communicating

with and establishing relationships with those who are not like them. The purpose of this paper

is to explain how this can be done so that everyone is happier, healthier, and more productive.

Dr. Taibi Kahler, an internationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, has developed a

model that shows people how to individualize the way they communicate so that they clearly

convey their vision to all those with whom they interact. His Process Communication Model

shows managers how to establish relationships with everyone, including those who are not like

them, by individualizing the way they motivate each person. In this way people will be happier,

will like the manager more, and will be more willing to help the manager carry out her or his

vision. Dr. Kahlers research and that of several others who have applied Dr. Kahlerc concepts

in the workplace, clearly show that the key to establishing positive relationships with people is to

help them get their motivational needs met positively and speak their language. (Kahler, 1991).

Dr. Kahlers Process Communication Model describes the characteristics of six distinct

personality types, including the way they perceive the world, their preferred management or

interaction style, their preferred mode of communicating and their motivational needs. The

model also describes what each of the types will do when in distress and provides both proactive

and reactive antidotes for dealing with them. Figure 1 lists the characteristics and motivational

needs of each of the types.

Figure 1

TYPE CHARACTER STRENGTHS PERCEPTION NEEDS 2o DISTRESS

Reactor

(Feeler)

Compassionate, Sensitive,

Warm

30%(75% F, 25%M)

Emotions

(Feelings)

Recognition of

Person

Sensory

Makes

Mistakes

Workaholic

(Thinker)

Responsible, Logical,

Organized

25%(75%M, 25%F)

Thoughts Recognition for

Work

Time Structure

Over controls

Persister

(Believer)

Conscientious, Dedicated,

Observant

10%(75%M, 25%F)

Opinions Recognition for

Work

Conviction

Crusades

Dreamer

(Dreamer)

Reflective, Imaginative, Calm

10%(60%F, 40%M)

Inactions

(Reflections)

Solitude, Clear

Directions

Shuts Down

Waits

Rebel

(Funster)

Spontaneous, Creative, Playful

20%(60%F, 40%M)

Reactions

(Likes &

Dislikes)

Playful Contact Blames

Promoter

(Doer)

Resourceful, Adaptable,

Charming

5%(60%M, 40%F)

Actions Incidence, Action Manipulates

Figure 1. The characteristics of the six personality types. 1982 Taibi Kahler Associates, Inc.

The six personality types are described as follows.

Reactors are compassionate, sensitive and warm and filter the world through their

emotions. Their motivational need is for other people to show that they appreciate them, not for

anything they have done, but just because they are nice people. They also need a cozy, nest-like,

comfortable environment.

Workaholics think first and want people to think with them. They are

responsible, logical and organized and work best in an environment that is structured, has clear

rules and adheres to schedules. Managers can motivate them by recognizing their hard work,

their good ideas and their accomplishments.

Persisters are conscientious, dedicated and observant. They form opinions very quickly

and use their well-developed value system to steer their course through life. They need to be

respected for their beliefs and values and need to be recognized for their accomplishments and

dedication. They have difficulty doing things they do not believe in or working for managers

they do not respect.

Dreamers are reflective, imaginative, and calm. They need their own private time

and their own space. They also need time to reflect before they act. Dreamers see connections

between things that the other types do not see and for this reason others may see them as weird.

Dreamers feel suffocated when surrounded by many people and cannot think in a noisy

environment. Also, they do not prioritize well and cannot do more than one or two things at a

time.

Rebels are creative, spontaneous and playful. They react immediately to their

environment and to people with strong likes and dislikes. Humor is their currency and they will

work hard for managers who encourage their creativity and display a sense of humor in the

workplace. They will do anything for people they like, but will resist doing anything for people

they do not like.

Promoters act first and are motivated by challenges, action, and excitement. They

are persuasive, adaptable and charming and may be Mr./Ms Popularity in the workplace. They

thrive in leadership positions and in the spotlight and like to make deals that make them look

good to their peers. (Kahler, 1991)

Although everyone is one of these six personality types, everyone has parts of all

six in them. Dr. Kahler describes this as a six-floor condominium in which some floors are more

fully developed than others. Research shows that most adults can access two or three of their

parts fairly easily. Most children can access only one or two of their parts. (Pauley, Bradley &

Pauley, 2002). Because each of the types perceives the world differently and is motivated

differently, employees who are like their managers tend to do well on teams led by those

managers. Conversely, those who are not like their managers may have difficulty. Many

managers have Workaholic and Persister as their most well developed parts. Consequently

Workaholic and Persister employees perform well on teams run by Workaholics and Persisters.

Rebels, Dreamers and Promoters sometimes have difficulty with Workaholic and Persister

managers because of miscommunication between them and their managers. Frequently they end

up quitting or being fired for insubordination and for a poor attitude. (Pauley & Pauley, 2009).

It is no ones fault. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have available to them at

the time. The managers are doing the best they can and so are the employees. That raises the

question, how can everyone do better?

Research shows that employees of all six types can do well on teams and in the

workplace when they are managed and motivated according to their needs (Bradley, Pauley &

Pauley, 2006). A working knowledge of the concepts of Process Communication enables

managers to understand how to motivate each of their employees so that they can address the

motivational needs of each type every day. To do so, managers can ask themselves the following

questions. (Pauley, J. et al. 2002)

1. How can I provide personal recognition for the Reactor?

2. How can I give recognition for work and provide time structure for the Workaholic?

3. How can I ensure that the task is meaningful for the Persister?

4. How can I provide reflection time, space and structure for the Dreamer?

5. How can I ensure that the task is fun for the Rebel?

6. How can I incorporate action and excitement for the Promoter?

If managers will do this, employee motivation and job performance will improve and

they will stop their negative behaviors. This will allow managers to spend more time focusing

on goals and less time putting out fires. Dr. Jonathan Knaupp, a professor at Arizona State

University, said, We can give employees what they deserve or what they need. If we give them

what they need, they will deserve more. (Knaupp, 1990) This is the key to establishing

relationships and to the success of every employee helping them get their motivational needs

met every day.

How can managers communicate more effectively? Each of the six types communicates

differently. There are two different aspects to communicating clearly. The first is called the

language of perceptions and the second is a preferred channel of communication. Lets look first

at the language of perceptions. If everyone speaks a common language, say English, there are six

very different versions based on the perceptions of the six types. They are so different that they

may be considered separate languages. If a manager wants to reach all of her or his employees,

he or she must speak all six of these languages at some time. Learning six versions of a common

language may seem to be a daunting task, fortunately it is not as difficult as it initially seems.

(Pauley & Pauley, 2009)

As noted above, each of the six types perceives the world differently. Reactors perceive

the world through their emotions. They want to share their feelings with others and they want

others to share their feelings with them. Therefore, they talk about their feelings and say things

like I feel that. Workaholics, on the other hand, perceive the world through thoughts. They

seek and give data when they speak and may say things like What information do you base that

on? Persisters perceive the world through their opinions. When Persisters get information, they

very quickly form a value judgment. They may say things like, I believe. or In my opinion.

Dreamers perceive the world through inaction or reflection. They tend to reflect on

subjects before speaking and usually speak slowly and deliberately when they do speak. They

tend not to undertake a task until someone tells them to do so. Rebels perceive the world

through their likes and dislikes. They may say things like I love it, I hate it, or This is

awesome. Promoters perceive the world through action. They use a lot of action verbs when

they speak and frequently give information in bullet form. They also expect people to give them

information succinctly and in bullets. (Pauley & Pauley, 2009).

It is easy to see how friction arises in the workplace between all of these types based on

their perceptions of the world and the languages they speak. One thing that can help managers

identify the perception and personality types of people with whom they want to communicate is

to listen to the words they use in communicating with others. Because people also use the

perceptions they are most comfortable with in their writing, managers also can look at their

written work. (Pauley et al. 2002)

The other aspect of communicating clearly is to use the preferred channel of

communication of each of the six types. There are four channels that are preferred by the six

personality types. (See Figure 2.) These channels can be compared to the channels of a TV set

or the stations on a radio. For example, if a manager is broadcasting on TV Channel 9 and an

employee is watching for the broadcast on Channel 7, the employee will not hear the managers

message. If the manager wants to ensure that her or his message is heard, he or she must

broadcast on the channel the employee is listening to.

TYPE CHANNEL

Reactor Nurturative

Workaholic Requestive

Persister Requestive

Dreamer Directive

Rebel Emotive

Promoter Directive

Figure 2 Channels of Communication/ 1982 Taibi Kahler Associates, Inc.

What are these channels and which ones work best with which types?

1. The Directive channel lets the listener know exactly what is expected and is given

as a clear command. For example, Tell me what you are working on. It is said in a matter of

fact way without attacking or criticizing the other person. This channel works best with

Promoters who need to know the bottom line and with Dreamers who tend not to undertake an

action until being given clear direction to do something. It does not work well with Reactors,

Workaholics and Persisters and, if used with Rebels, may result in the Rebel dragging their feet

and missing deadlines in doing what they have been ordered to do.

2. The Requestive channel is used to ask for or give information. Persisters and

Workaholics respond best to this channel. These personality types are self-motivated and usually

know what is expected of them. Consequently, they prefer to be asked questions. For example,

What ere are you working on? This is said matter-of-factly and not sarcastically or in a way

which can be interpreted as being an attack or criticism.

3. The Nurturative channel is used to communicate with Reactors who prefer soft

soothing tones and gentleness. People who do not have Reactor well developed in their

personality structure are not comfortable with this channel and may reject it or misinterpret what

is said. An example of this channel is: That is a beautiful suit you are wearing. A response of

Thank you. indicates that the person is comfortable with that channel. A response similar to

Same suit Ive been wearing all week. indicates that the person is not.

4. The Emotive channel is the channel to use with Rebels. This is a fun channel and

the speakers tone is upbeat, energetic and may even ring with enthusiasm. People using this

channel frequently use slang in speaking to each other. For example, That suit is awesome.

Unfortunately for Rebels, many people, especially Persisters and Workaholics who may be their

bosses, are not comfortable with this channel and do not use it often, if at all. As a result many

times there is miscommunication between Rebel employees and their bosses.

Because successful communication involves two people there must be an offer and a

prompt, clear response that makes sense, in order for communication to take place. Figure 3 lists

the four channels and gives examples of what is and what is not clear crisp communication.

When managers offer communication in one channel and get the kind of response listed in the

miscommunication column, the subconscious message to the leader is, I am not comfortable

with that channel. Please use another channel. It is better if managers can use the correct

channel every time, but if they use a channel with which the listener is not comfortable, they can

listen to the response and, if necessary, offer a different channel. People almost always get a

second chance if communication does not take place the first time. If managers listen to the

response they get when they initiate communication in a channel, the responder will

inadvertently tell them whether or not communication is taking place. (Kahler, 1996).

CHANNEL COMMUNICATION MISCOMMUNICATION

Directive Tell me where the books are.

In the back office.

Do you want me to tell you where the books are?

Requestive Where are the books?

In the back office.

Do you want me to tell you where the books are?

Nurturative You always look so stylish.

Thank you.

Same suit Ive worn all week.

Emotive That is one crazy tie.

Yeh, cool huh?

Theres nothing wrong with my tie.

Figure 3 Communication and Miscommunication. 1982 Taibi Kahler Associates, Inc.

This is also the way quality managers can successfully persuade others to their point of

view. They can give the person with whom they are speaking a battery charge for their needs,

speak that persons language and provide the kind of information on which that personality type

bases decisions. For example, Reactors will want to know how a quality program will help

people. Workaholics will want to know specific details about the program and what the results

will be. Persisters will want to know how a quality program will have a positive impact on their

customers and on the company. Dreamers will need time to reflect on the information the

manager provides. Rebels will want to know how they can have fun by implementing a quality

program. Finally, Promoters will want to know what is in the program that will make them look

good or will benefit them in some way. (Pauley et al. 2009)

When managers do not individualize the way they communicate with and motivate their

employees and colleagues, they may see their team members display the behaviors listed in the

distress behaviors column in Figure 1. These behaviors are a good warning sign that

miscommunication is taking place and that the employees/team members are being mismanaged.

Wise managers will heed these warning signs and will immediately find ways to help the

employees get their psychological needs met.

Conclusions

The key to successfully implementing quality programs is for managers to ensure that

they individualize the way they communicate with and motivate each person with whom they

interact. Managers must strive to help each employee get their motivational needs met positively

every day, if possible, but at least weekly. They also must speak the employees language and

use the employees favorite channel when talking with them. This also applies to written

communication. Managers should write memos in the language(s) of the people who will be

reading it. When managers do this, their employees will be happier, healthier and the more

productive and will be more willing to work hard to accomplish the goals of the team. When

managers do not do this, their employees may get into distress and make mistakes, sabotage

projects, miss deadlines, or shut down, thereby interfering with their producing quality products.

When managers do individualize the way they communicate with and motivate their employees,

these negative behaviors disappear or are greatly reduced. Indeed, when employees display

these behaviors, they are sending their managers a message that they are being mismanaged.

Effective managers heed this message and individualize the way they talk to and motivate their

employees. When each person is motivated according to her or his needs, team members will be

more willing to implement quality processes, teams will function more efficiently and products

will be of much higher quality (Kahler, 2000).

References

Bradley, D., Pauley, J. & Pauley, J. (2006). Effective classroom management: six keys to success.

Lanham, MD. Rowman & Littlefield Education.

Gilbert, M. (2004). Communicating effectively: Tools for educational leaders. Lanham, MD:

Scarecrow Press.

Kahler, T. (1982). Process Communication Mode, Little Rock, AR: Kahler Communications.

Kahler, T. (2000). The mastery of management (4th ed.), Little Rock, AR: Kahler

Communications.

Kahler, T. (1996). Process communication model: A contemporary model for staff development.

Little Rock, AR: Kahler Communications

Knaupp, J. (1990). Personal communication.

Savage, R. V. (1991). Discipline for self-control. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall.

Pauley, J., Bradley, D., & Pauley, J. (2002). Heres how to reach me: matching instruction to

personality types in your classroom. Baltimore, MD: Paul H. Brookes Publishing.

Pauley, J. & Pauley, J. (2009) Communication: the key to effective leadership. Milwaukee,

Wisconsin, ASQ Quality Press.

Copyright Information

Dr. Taibi Kahler holds the copyright for The Process Communication Model and all

derivative works.