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JROTCDL.com – CADET 101 – Conflict Resolution - 1


TABLE OF CONTENTS

Winning Colors Behavioral Styles...................................................................................................................................................................................... 5

The Planner Behavioral Style ............................................................................................................................................................................................. 6

The Builder Behavioral Style.............................................................................................................................................................................................. 7

The Relater Behavioral Style .............................................................................................................................................................................................. 8

The Adventurer Behavioral Style ....................................................................................................................................................................................... 9

Responses to Anger........................................................................................................................................................................................................... 10

Violence Risk Factors ....................................................................................................................................................................................................... 11

Techniques for Controlling Anger .................................................................................................................................................................................... 12

Causes of Conflict ............................................................................................................................................................................................................. 13

Types of Conflict .............................................................................................................................................................................................................. 14

Coping with Conflict......................................................................................................................................................................................................... 15

Principles to Follow .......................................................................................................................................................................................................... 16

Resolution Strategies ........................................................................................................................................................................................................ 17

Types of Group Challenges .............................................................................................................................................................................................. 18

Conflict Levels: Perspective, Purpose, and Practice ......................................................................................................................................................... 19

Resolving Group Conflict ................................................................................................................................................................................................. 19

The Decision Making Process .......................................................................................................................................................................................... 20


The Decision Making Process: Try It! .............................................................................................................................................................................. 21

Common Group Dynamics ............................................................................................................................................................................................... 22

Problem Solving................................................................................................................................................................................................................ 23

Methods for Building Consensus ...................................................................................................................................................................................... 24

What Mediators Should Do .............................................................................................................................................................................................. 25

Your Role as an Onlooker................................................................................................................................................................................................. 26

Steps to Mediating Conflict .............................................................................................................................................................................................. 27

Steps to Arbitration ........................................................................................................................................................................................................... 28

The Don’ts of Conflict Resolution .................................................................................................................................................................................... 29

The Dos of Conflict Resolution ........................................................................................................................................................................................ 30


Winning Colors Behavioral Styles

Winning Colors shows you how to relate to people in your life by bringing up

the behaviors that make others feel comfortable.

Winning Colors behavioral styles:

Planner – Open to new and creative ideas - abstract thinkers - into the

latest and most innovative procedures and products - in need of quiet

time - future oriented (visionary) - interested in science fiction and

exploration of space - empathetic

Builder – Orderly, and prefer structured procedures at work, home,

school, and social gatherings, proud of organizations, school and family

- disciplined - in position of authority - interested in status

Relater – Supportive and friendly - people and emotion focused -

interested in slogans and posters - harmonious in home and teamwork -

want people to like him or her - happier with procedures that are people

centered and humanistic

Adventurer – Active and prefer unstructured work situations - moves -

happier with procedures that are useful, dynamic, practical and hands-

on - spontaneous - focused on the here and now

Reference: Lesson 1 – Introduction to Conflict


The Planner Behavioral Style

Planner – Open to new and creative ideas - abstract thinkers - into the latest

and most innovative procedures and products - in need of quiet time - future

oriented (visionary) - interested in science fiction and exploration of space -

empathetic

Take a thoughtful, calm, cool and collected interest when they

communicate.

Don't dominate with your ideas.

Practice patience and encourage personal creativity.

Allow them enough time to reflect before deciding and doing something.

Give warm understanding, not harsh bottom-line treatment. Negative

remarks cause withdraws.



The Builder Behavioral Style

Builder – Orderly, and prefer structured procedures at work, home, school, and

social gatherings, proud of organizations, school and family - disciplined - in

position of authority - interested in status

Take a bottom-line approach to other Builders' communication.

Remember that they are comfortable with rules and directions.

Treat others in the right and proper way.

Establish daily routines and give step-by-step, clear explanations.

Never embarrass or cause Builder oriented people to lose face in front

of their peers.



The Relater Behavioral Style

Relater – Supportive and friendly - people and emotion focused - interested in

slogans and posters - harmonious in home and teamwork - want people to like

him or her - happier with procedures that are people centered and humanistic

Take a friendly approach to other Relaters' communication.

Provide a social atmosphere and occasions for them to interact.

Respect other Relaters' feelings by not imposing your feelings on them.

Give genuine concern, a smile, and a kind word, but do not dominate

the conversation.

Smile when passing and congratulate them on various occasions,

especially when they least expect it.



The Adventurer Behavioral Style

Adventurer – Active and prefer unstructured work situations - moves - happier

with procedures that are useful, dynamic, practical and hands-on - spontaneous

- focused on the here and now

Take a light-hearted, fun or action approach to Adventurers'

communications.

Speak to the here and now.

Be as flexible as they are to changing action; be careful of the action's

direction.

Involve them in any positive action situation. Be careful not to get

caught in the thrill.

Allow them to play a "starring" role on any occasion possible.



Responses to Anger

Examples of Relater response bias:

"You aren't really angry with your coach. You are just tired."

"I see that you're angry. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I know how you feel. Let me tell you what I did when I had the same experience."

Examples of Builder response bias:

"You have no right to be angry with your English teacher. What do you know? You haven't been to

college."

"Adults don't get angry. Children get angry."

"Anger is unacceptable in this house. We will not discuss it."

Examples of Planner response bias:

"There are so many ways of handling her upset. It is difficult to decide the best approach."

"I am not sure what would be the best way to deal with Judy's emotional outbreak against you."

Examples of Adventurer response bias:

"Temper...temper. You should see how red your face is."

"You'll get over it."

Reference: Lesson 2 – Dealing with Anger: Utilizing the Winning Colors® Process


Violence Risk Factors

Depending on how you grew up or where you live, you may have been exposed to different types of

violence. While some of these factors are out of your control, your reaction to these factors is under your

control. That is where using the Winning Colors strategies can help.

Poverty – Statistics show that violence rates are highest in poor urban communities where

unemployment is high. When people feel unable to improve their lives, it creates free-floating anger,

which can result in violence.

Media violence – From cartoons to movies and video games, violence is often depicted in the

media. Exposure at a young age to repetitive violence sends the wrong message. The danger is

that the media does not show the consequences of violence, including pain, loss and remorse, and

the impressionable ones who watch may develop a distorted sense of reality.

Family violence – Because children learn by imitating the behavior of their parents, those who

grew up in violent homes are sometimes likely to use violence to deal with conflict as adults.

Availability of weapons – When weapons are available to be used in fights, the fights are more

deadly. Even those people who buy guns strictly for protection are actually doubling their chances of

being killed in a fight.

Drug abuse – While there is a correlation between violence and alcohol use, the reasons are not

entirely clear. Any judgment-impairing substance may add to the threat of violence.

Membership in gangs – Gangs which control a specific neighborhood often recruit poor students

from troubled families and require them to commit acts of horrific violence in order to prove

themselves and feel acceptance. It is a tragic cycle, as sometimes members make it difficult to quit

the gang.



Techniques for Controlling Anger

Awareness of behaviors

Count to ten

Physical relaxation using breathing

Doodle or sketch

Clench fist and release

Visualization

Leave the situation

Journaling

Exercise

Hello-Goodbye

Using movies of the mind for relaxing and

letting go



Causes of Conflict

Miscommunication: This occurs when, for example, you speak

Builder language and the person you are communicating with speaks

Relater language.

Territory: This is mostly associated with warring nations. One example

would be the Berlin wall. In your own life, this is shown in your school

locker, where someone borrows your things, such as sports equipment,

without asking, or family members take things out of your room.

Imbalance of power: This occurs when one party has more power and

pushes the other party around; it can lead to bullying. In your own life,

you may have seen this in distribution of power in the family or

classroom.

Varied perspectives on the situation. An example is how your parents

have a different perspective than you do about certain things, such as

borrowing the car or extending your curfew.

Differing belief systems and values resulting from personal

background and accumulated life experiences.

Differing objectives and interests: for example, you want to read a

book, but your parents want you to do the chores.

Reference: Lesson 3 – Resolving Conflict


Types of Conflict

Upbringing: These occur because people have an emotional

attachment to the experience they are exposed to first, they may be

attached to unhealthy behaviors.

Relationship conflicts: These result from strong negative emotions,

stereotypes, miscommunications, or repetitive negative behaviors; for

example, harassment.

Data conflicts: These occur because people are misinformed or lack

information to make good decisions; for example, you thought a

meeting started at 2, but it really started at 1.

Conflicts of interest: These occur because one person believes that in

order to get what they need; the needs of an opponent must be

sacrificed; for example, the entire class has to stay after because

someone misbehaved.

Structural conflicts: These occur because there is a problem with

external forces, such as a lack of resources, authority, or organizational

changes; for example, a dispute over land or territory.

Value conflicts: These occur because there is a conflict between

internal belief systems; for example, a friend asks you to help cheat on

a test.



Coping with Conflict

Retreating: blocking or moving away

from a problem or conflict

Example: When faced with a conflict

situation, someone may take action in

a different direction to avoid the stress

of dealing with the problem. This is the

Adventurer disposition.

Standing still: avoid addressing a

problem by overanalyzing its elements

and possible outcomes

Example: A student with great

potential who, faced with a selection of

desirable courses, has difficulty

designing a well balanced study

program. This is the Planner

predisposition.

Detouring: moving around or avoiding

a problem

Example: After losing a loved one,

someone may seek social interaction

to avoid dealing with their own grief or

loss. This is the Relater disposition.

Encountering: facing a conflict head-

on and reaching a solution

Example: Someone who demands

that those around them meet and

resolve problems. This is the Builder

predisposition.



Principles to Follow

You have control over how you react to conflict. If you want to resolve conflict, try to put yourself in

the right frame of mind with each of these principles. Just like any skill, following these principles

naturally takes practice. If you practice often, this mind set could become second nature to you.

Law #1: Winning Colors. Always try to begin with understanding your and others' biases.

Law #2: The Law of Attraction. You are attracted to whatever you constantly hold in your mind. If

you focus on positive thoughts and feelings, which is what you will end up moving toward and

attracting toward you.

Law #3: Like Attracts Like. "Birds of a feather flock together" means that if you focus on the positive,

you will likely attract and keep positive people around you.

Law #4: I can only act according to my present level of awareness. Do the best that you can to

resolve conflicts in your own life; each time you are successful, you will learn how to improve.

Law #5: The closer I am to a fire, the more I participate in its heat. Try to stay objective; the

closer you are to a problem, the more difficult it is to see things clearly and make good decisions.

Law #6: I have an Emotional Attachment to that to which I am exposed to first. If you first

learned how to deal with conflict by retreating and running away, you will feel more comfortable

retreating. You can retrain yourself to react to conflict differently.

Law #7: I attract people by bringing up the behaviors that make them comfortable. To resolve a

conflict with someone, it helps to make them comfortable.



Resolution Strategies

Define the Conflict:

Identify the behavioral bias (Winning Colors) of those who are in

conflict. Decide on the behaviors you will bring up in order to make the

other person as comfortable as possible.

Use effective speaking and active listening. Be clear and listen in order

to send and receive clear messages.

Focus on behaviors, feelings, consequences, and desired changes.

Be specific and use phrases such as "I feel" or "I think."

"I" messages keep your statements from being blaming or

accusatory.

Find a Mutually Agreeable Time and Place: Choose a place to discuss the

conflict that is comfortable and non-threatening.

Communicate an Understanding:

If possible, it would be beneficial for a knowledgeable second party to

explain the Winning Colors card sort and process to those in conflict.

Attempt to ensure that both parties feel heard and understood.

Have the other person describe how the situation feels from their

perspective.

Make it clear that you are trying to see their point of view.

Repeat back your understanding or what you heard them say.

Brainstorm to Find Alternate Solutions

Remain positive and open to compromise.

Be creative and focus on the solution.

Do not be judgmental of someone else's ideas.

Agree on the Most Workable Solution: Commit yourself to resolving the

issue.



Types of Group Challenges

Indecisive and too detailed members have a Planner bias.

Dominating members have a Builder bias.

Emotional members have a Relater bias.

Actions without think members have an Adventurer bias.

Wandering:

Unfocused conversations

Off subject

Resistance

Floundering:

Trouble at all stages

Start-up problems

Dead-end activities

Resistance

Reference: Lesson 4 – Identifying Levels of Conflict


Conflict Levels: Perspective, Purpose, and Practice

Conflicts in Perspective Conflicts in Purpose Conflicts in Practice

Work out the best possible compromise.

Involve what people do and why they do it

Occur when people look at the same

situation differently

Set clear goals before the project begins.

Involve what people want to achieve

Occur when members do not accept the

team objectives

Set up operating procedures before the team

begins work.

Involve the team’s processes and

procedures

Occur when members do not agree on a

basic structure

Resolving Group Conflict

1st: Think or brainstorm (Planner perspective).

2nd: Decide to take a leadership stance (Builder perspective.

3rd: Bring up emotional energy in order to succeed (Relater perspective).

4th: Take action (Adventurer perspective).

Reference: Lesson 4 – Identifying Levels of Conflict


The Decision Making Process

1. First, select a challenge that someone is facing. For our example, let's say a friend wants to move out of the house they are living in.

2. List three options without suggesting that any option is better than another.

3. Record the positive and negative consequences of each option objectively. As the recorder, you may suggest options or overlooked consequences, but

not show preference.

4. After the form is complete, the person with the challenge selects one option.

Reference: Lesson 5 – Steps for Meeting and Solving Conflict


The Decision Making Process: Try It!

1. First, select a challenge that someone is facing. For our example, let's say a friend wants to move out of the house they are living in.

2. List three options without suggesting that any option is better than another.

3. Record the positive and negative consequences of each option objectively. As the recorder, you may suggest options or overlooked consequences, but

not show preference.

4. After the form is complete, the person with the challenge selects one option.



Common Group Dynamics

Mismatched

Some groups are simply mismatched. This team has very different types of people in it. The team’s

personalities send them in different direction, so nothing seems to work. On the other hand, if the team

members understand and respect the different behaviors required for the situation, there will be a powerful

advantage.

Out-of-Control

An out-of-control group goes beyond its mission and purpose and grasps beyond its reach. This team

lacks a Builder attitude.

Bickering

A group that bickers can’t agree on anything, and results suffer. This team has excessive Relater attitude

and the exchange of opinions becomes more important than the team’s objective.

Stalled

A stalled group slows down and puts in less and less effort as the members become caught up in all the

details. This team has an excessive Planner attitude.

Leaderless

And a leaderless group goes in no specific direction or in several at once, making little progress. This team

lacks a behavioral balance according to the members or situation. For example, it lacks a

Planner/Builder/Relater/Adventurer behavioral balance in the leader.



Problem Solving

When you are faced with a problem in a group, follow the steps in the Behavior Modification Model. Work with everyone in the group to identify the issue and come

to a resolution.



Methods for Building Consensus

ACTIVE LISTENING

To be an active listener, do the following:

Avoid distraction.

Make eye contact.

Let the other person speak.

Listen for both facts and feelings.

Use body language effectively.

Acknowledge what the other says with an understanding response (use

feedback responses such as “You feel strongly, Mary, that we can get

consensus by…”).

Ask good questions.

COMPROMISING

To compromise successfully, remember that:

Compromise is an agreement between opposing parties to settle a

dispute or reach a settlement in which each side gives some ground.

In a compromise, none of the parties gets exactly what they want.

Following a successful compromise, all parties make a sacrifice but still

feel that the deal is fair.

NEGOTIATING PRODUCTIVELY

To negotiate productively remember that negotiation:

Is a fair settlement through discussion and agreement.

May be achieved with an arbitrator, who is chosen by both sides in a

dispute to hear the details and give a fair and impartial decision.

ASKING GOOD QUESTIONS

The leader should ask questions that:

Have a focus.

Are closed ended, not open ended.

Bear directly on the issue.

Are objective, not personal.

Reference: Lesson 6 – Building Consensus


What Mediators Should Do

Act as a neutral third party and never get involved in heated conflicts.

Identify the negative and behavioral strengths of both parties quickly and accurately.

Respond according to their comfort zone. For a Relater bias: “You feel very strongly about this ….”

whereas your response to a Builder bias is “You strongly think the bottom-line is….”

Remain honest.

Remain objective.

Show empathy.

Communicate effectively.

Think critically.

Reference: Lesson 7 – Mediation


Your Role as an Onlooker

Ignore people when they speak badly of others.

Do not spread rumors or insults.

Stay away from fighting.

Show respect and friendship to those who can apologize, ignore insults, and avoid fights.



Steps to Mediating Conflict

STEP 1: Make introductions.

Explain the strategy for identifying the behavioral strengths and

weaknesses of those involved.

Explain the mediator's role.

Establish ground rules.

Explain the steps.

Ask questions.

Step 2: Tell the story.

Both parties tell their side.

Mediator summarizes.

Mediator makes sure both sides understand the conflict.

Step 3: Explore solutions.

Ask both parties how they can solve the challenge.

Write down all solutions.

Consider only the solutions both parties agree about.

Step 4: Don't give up.

Keep trying until you can reach an agreement.

Ask the parties to write down the agreement in their own words.

Ask all parties to sign the agreement.



Steps to Arbitration

Step 1: The parties must accept the arbitrator and the arbitrator's decision. (Builder solution)

Step 2: A preliminary meeting is held to set the rules.

Step 3: Each party submits statements.

Step 4: The arbitrator reviews all information.

Step 5: A hearing is held where all sides are presented.

Step 6: The arbitrator makes a final, binding decision.



The Don’ts of Conflict Resolution

Don’t humiliate. Humiliation can permanently close doors.

Don't criticize. According to Hilyer in Collaboration: Focusing on a Better

Way, "studies indicate that for every critical remark you make to someone, it

will take four times as much praise before that person will perceive you as

having a neutral view of them, and it will take more praise for them to believe

you hold them in a positive light."

Don’t generalize. When someone is late turning in their first term paper, and

the teacher says “You never turn anything in on time,” the teacher is

dismissing all the times the student did things correctly.

Don’t be too understanding. No one can truly understand what is

happening in someone else’s mind or heart. Saying “I know exactly how you

feel,” may seem supportive, but it only results in someone feeling transparent

or that their conflict is overly simple

Avoid reverse psychology. When someone has made a giant mistake, say

a speeding ticket, telling them what a bright, resourceful and responsible

person they are completely ignores their problem.

Don’t impose your values. When someone has to make a decision, he or

she is the one who has to deal with the consequences. You cannot make a

choice for someone else.

Don’t play futurist or astrologer. If someone suffers a serious loss or

disappointment, and are told “Tomorrow will be a better day,” they may feel that

tomorrow isn’t the issue. Today’s issue is real and needs to be addressed.

Don’t preach. Preaching implies that you stand on a higher morale ground. It

says to the others “I have no faults, only you have faults.”

Don’t become emotionally involved. Laying down on the railroad tracks with

your friend accomplishes nothing. Emotional involvement clouds your judgment

and makes it difficult to see all options.

Don’t use analogies and clichés. These methods of comparison to other

situations have little value. They do not take into consideration the specifics of

the current situation.

Don’t lecture. The last thing someone in a conflict wants is to have you climb

on a podium, which implies no one else has worthwhile input.

Don’t label. Labeling personalizes a conflict. Rather than identify the cause of

conflict, someone’s character is evaluated. If someone calls a child or an adult a

scatterbrain enough times, it becomes self affirming. “You are right, I’m not

smart enough.”



The Dos of Conflict Resolution

Identify and have the individuals understand both their own behavioral

strengths and weakness as well as of those involved in the conflict. This is

absolutely crucial for the best resolution!

Describe the action. Explain what you feel Identify what needs to be done.

Be a listener, be a gatherer and do esteem when it is appropriate.

Stick to the specific problem. Leave the pearls of wisdom to the sages and

philosophers.

Empathize. Be open to all options.

Be non-judgmental. Respect if it is genuine. Trust when there is a basis for

trust.

Focus on today. Today is the problem, so start with the here and now. This

does not mean you ignore the possible consequences of a decision and its

impact on tomorrow.

Accept a person’s position; it validates him or her. It does not mean that

you accept or approve of the position.


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