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As We GrieveAuthor Offers Gifts to Finding Comfort in Our Most 

Sorrowful Time The loss of someone we love can leave us feeling alone and bereft. Jan Groft,author of As We Grieve: Discoveries of Grace in Sorrow  from Graham HouseBooks (www.aswegrieve.com) has a gift for you; nine gifts, to be exact, of hopeand healing in times of sorrow.

In addition to examining the depths of her own grief experience and the solaceshe discovered there, Groft reached out to others to learn how they dealt withtheir losses. She then graciously shared these stories and insights in a touching,poignant look at how to find comfort amidst great sorrow.

Nurturing a heart open to recognizing moments of grace is key, according toGroft, for these moments often arrive unexpectedly, taking us by surprise.“There are endless ways we might be lifted from our deepest sorrow to feel thewarmth and power of love,” wrote Groft. “It is in these moments, I believe, that weare blessed with the gift of hope.”

For some, noted Groft, a sense of peace arises from encountering the dying or the deceased in a new light. This is the gift of discovery, received in oneinstance by a family of siblings treated to an unbiased view of their dying father through words of farewell offered by his caregivers. In another, Groft herself 

recognizes her own misguided sense of responsibility and is able to re-define atrying relationship with her deceased mother.

“It can be a gift to encounter a glimpse of the dying or the deceased through neweyes,” Groft wrote, “for if we decide to embrace this enlightened perspective, wemay enjoy enriched relationships, meaningful exchanges or the will to forgive or receive forgiveness, endeavors that unveil God’s healing grace.”

Each gift, according to Groft, is similar to an embrace, and the choice to accept itor not is ours. The gift of memories, for example, may “take us by surprise liketrick candles on a birthday cake suddenly reigniting,” she wrote, or we may

purposefully call them forth to pay tribute. One memory may be inspired by aphoto or memento, while another is summoned through a tribute initiated bysurvivors, such as a Maryland baseball field constructed in honor of a belovedten-year-old who had “loved to put on his uniform and run out to the mound andstart a game,” according to his grieving father.

“For those who grieve, the essential element we must allow ourselves however brief or vast we require it to be is time,” wrote Groft. “If we feel ready and

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when we feel ready, remembering the past, as someone once said, gives power to the present.”

As unlikely as it may seem, humor is another gift Groft cited as offering comfort ingrief. She recounted stories of humorous reminiscence shared at memorial

services, quips made by patients from their hospital beds, even the punchylaughter that comes from plain exhaustion. Just as we must let the tears flow,she suggested, laughter filled with genuine love can be cleansing. This kind of respite deep in the heart, she pointed out, is often offered among the safety of family and close friends.

“When family surrounds us permitting us to laugh and be who we are, tensioncan be broken and healing kicks in,” noted Groft.

Story after story of grieving men and women of various ages and various walksof life illuminate Groft’s hope-filled message of the grace that can be found and

embraced amidst grief. In addition to discovery, memories and humor, the giftsof strength, faith, art, wisdom, gratitude and community are all addressed throughthese touching moments she gathered and graciously shared.

About Jan Groft

Writer and speaker Jan Groft is the author of two books, Riding the Dog and AsWe Grieve: Discoveries of Grace in Sorrow . Formerly President/CreativeDirector of an award-winning advertising agency, she also records life histories of hospice patients and facilitates writing workshops for the bereaved. She holds aBA in English from Dickinson College and an MFA in Writing from Vermont

College.