copyright © 2011 pearson education, inc. publishing as prentice hall4-1 chapter 4: building...
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Copyright © 2011 Pearson Education, Inc. publishing as Prentice Hall 4-1
Chapter 4:Building Relationships by
Communicating Supportively
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Developing Management Skills
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Learning Objectives
• Build supportive relationships even when delivering negative feedback
• Avoid defensiveness and disconfirmation in interpersonal communication
• Improve ability to apply principles of supportive communication
• Improve relationships by using personal management interviews
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Positive Relationships
• Result in better physical and emotional well-being
• Help people perform better at work and concentrate more on the task at hand.
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Frequent Organizational Problems
• Reliance on technology• Dominance of e-mail• Less face-to-face communication
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Problems with Electronic Communication
• Too much information, low quality• No content to information, lacks
meaning• Interpretation of information
depends on relationships with sender
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Communication Problems
“Most individuals don’t seem to feel a strong need to improve their own skill level”
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Relationships Between Unskillful Communication and Interpersonal
Relationships
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Coaching and Counseling
• Coaching: giving advice, direction or information to improve performance.
• Counseling: helping someone understand and resolve a problem him/herself by displaying understanding
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Coaching and Counseling
Coaching: focuses on abilities
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Counseling: focuses on attitudes
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When to Coach
• Lack of ability• Insufficient information• Incompetence• Subordinate must understand the
problem
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When to Counsel
• Personality clashes• Defensiveness• Other factors tied to emotions• “I can help you recognize that a
problem exists.”
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Obstacles to Supportive Communication
Defensiveness• One individual feels threatened or attacked
as a result of the communication• Self-protection becomes paramount• Energy is spent on constructing a defense
rather than on listening• Aggression, anger, competitiveness, and/or
avoidance as a result of the communication
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Obstacles to Supportive Communication
Disconfirmation• Individual feels incompetent, unworthy, or
insignificant as a result of the communication
• Attempts to reestablish self-worth take precedence
• Energy is spent trying to portray self-importance rather than on listening
• Showing off, self-centered behavior, withdrawal, and/or loss of motivation are common reactions
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Supportive Communication
Helps the sender communicate accurately and honestly without jeopardizing interpersonal relationships.
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Attributes of Supportive Communication
• Congruent• Descriptive• Problem-Oriented• Validating
• Specific• Conjunctive• Owned• Supportive
Listening
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Supportive Communication
Based on congruence: a match between what an individual is thinking and feeling
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Supportive Communication
Is descriptive and reduces the tendency to evaluate and cause defensiveness.
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Descriptive Communication
1. Describes objectively the event, behavior, or circumstance
2. Focus on the behavior and your reaction
3. Focus on solutions
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Supportive Communication
Is problem-oriented and does not focus on personal traits which cannot be changed.
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Supportive Communication
Validates and helps others feel recognized, understood, accepted, and valued.
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Invalidating Communication
Conveys• Superiority• Rigidity• Indifference
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Validating Communication
• Egalitarian• Flexible• Two-way• Based on agreement
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Supportive Communication
Is specific and identifies something that can be understood and acted upon.
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Global Communication
Focuses on extremes and absolutes which deny any alternatives. “My way or the highway!”
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Supportive Communication
Is conjunctive and joined to a previous message.
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Disjunctive Communication
Occurs when there is,1. Lack of opportunity for others to
speak2. Extended pauses3. Topic control
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Interaction Management
Creates conjunction by:1. Taking turns speaking2. Management of timing3. Topic Control
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Continuum of Conjunctive Statements
Insert figure 4.2
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Supportive Communication
Is owned and acknowledges the source of the idea. Ownership conveys responsibility.
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Disowned Communication
Results in the listener never being sure of whose point of view the message represents.
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Supportive Communication
Requires active listening and responding effectively to someone else’s statements.
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Effective Listening
• In skills important for managers, effective listening was ranked highest.
• Individuals usually understand about a fourth of what is communicated.
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Responding to Others
• Four Types of Responses– Advising– Deflecting– Probing– Reflecting
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Advising
• Provides direction, evaluation, personal opinion, or instruction
• Creates listener control over the topic
• Can produce dependence
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Deflecting
• Switches the focus from communicator’s problem to on selected by the listener
• Appropriate if reassurance is needed
• Imply that the communicator’s issues are not important
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Probing
• Asks questions about what the communicator said
• Used to gather information• Can appear that the communicator
must justify what is happening
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Four Types of Probes
1. Elaboration2. Clarification3. Repetition4. Reflection
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Reflecting
• Mirror back to the communicator the message that was heard
• Involves paraphrasing and clarifying
• Could appear that the listener isn’t listening
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Behavioral Guidelines
• Differentiate between coaching situations and counseling situations
• Use problem-oriented statements rather than person-oriented statements
• Communicate congruently by acknowledging your true feelings without acting them out in destructive ways
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Behavioral Guidelines• Use descriptive, not evaluative,
statements• Use validating statements that
acknowledge the other person’s importance and uniqueness
• Use specific rather than global statements when correcting behavior
• Use conjunctive statements that flow smoothly from what was said previously
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Behavioral Guidelines
• Own your statements, and encourage the other person to do likewise
• Demonstrate supportive listening
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