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How to

CLEAN

THE SHXTOUT OF

YOUR LIFE

THE FRANK, NO BULL GUIDE ON HOW

TO DESTROY THE NEGATIVITY IN YOUR

LIFE AND HOW TO ACHIEVE MORE

SUCCESS

Justi Lu!


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Copyright How to clean the shxt out of

your life 2013. All Rights Reserved. o part of

this course !ay "e reproduced# stored in a

retrieval syste!# or trans!itted in any for! or

"y any !eans# electronic# !echanical#

photocopying# recording or otherwise without

the prior per!ission of the copyright owner

and pu"lisher. $he course !ay not "e lent#

resold# hired out or otherwise disposed of "y

way of trade in any for! or "inding or cover

other than that in which it is pu"lished withthe prior consent of the copyright owner and

pu"lisher.


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%isclai!er& 'ndividuals on the cover of this

"oo( are !odels and are used for illustrative

purposes only.


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%)%'CA$'*

$o all those people who were told that theyshould not drea! "ig# should not want !ore#should thin( s!all and listen to the crowd#

rise a"ove the "ull shxt and "e "igger# "etter#stronger and happier. +how fear and dou"tthe golden ,nger and craft the life you have

always drea!ed of. $o all those who have

"een told that you are not good enough# notworthy enough# shouldn-t !a(e an eort#can-t do it# prove the ignorant wrong and

show the world how great you can really "e.Are ready for !ore success/ ou deserve it


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CONTENTS

B!!"ts o# t$is %ou&s!

It&o'u%tio

HOW TO GET U( ) START WINNING

HOW TO FACE FEAR ) OVERCOME IT

HOW TO STO( MAKING EXCUSES ANDIM(ROVE YOUR LIFE

HOW TO USE LANGUAGE TO IM(ROVE

YOUR LIFE

HOW TO FIND YOUR DREAM CAREERAND DO THE THING YOU LOVE

W$* '!+*i- *ou& '!si&! #o& Istt-&ti"%tio % $!+. *ou to su%%!!'

HOW TO SET GOALS THAT WILL HEL(YOU TO SUCCEED

W$* t$os! wit$ +!ss t+!t t!' to /!0o&! su%%!ss#u+

HOW TO OVERCOME NEGATIVE BELIEFS

How s!+# +o1! % $!+. *ou to /! 0o&!su%%!ss#u+

WHY (ERSISTENCE IS THE KEY TOYOUR SUCCESS


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WHY ACCE(TING MEDIOCRITY KEE(SYOU FEELING UNHA((Y AND

UNFULFILLED

HOW LEARNING TO (RIORITISEEFFECTIVELY CAN TRANSFORM YOURLIFE

W$* #o%usi- o !-ti1it* $i'!&ssu%%!ss ow ' i t$! #utu&!

How to us! *ou& $u-!& ' '&i1! to/!%o0! 0o&! su%%!ss#u+

W$* %ti- .&o'u%ti1!+* is /!tt!& t$.&o1i- *ou &! &i-$t

W$* %otiuous i0.&o1!0!t is t$! w*to su%%!ss

How to +i1! +i#! o# !2%!++!%! ' /! wi!&

How *ou& %o0.* % sto. *ou #&o0%$i!1i- su%%!ss

How o3!&i- 0o&! 1+u! to ot$!&s %-&t *ou $u-! &!w&'s

W$* it is so 0u%$ /!tt!& to +!' t$#o++ow

How to us! t$! o..o&tuiti!s &ou' *ou

to 04! *ou "%i++* su%%!ss#u+

HOW LAUGHTER CAN TRANSFORMYOUR LIFE

W$t wi++ /! *ou& L!-%*5


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W$* Stu'* T$is Cou&s!5 B!!"ts

ou can receive the following "ene,ts "y

applying so!e of the !ethods in this course&

Achieve !ore success

'ncrease productivity

'ncrease con,dence

%evelop a !ore positive and successful

attitude

%evelop greater discipline

earn to overco!e fears

nderstand !ore a"out yourself

4eco!e !ore focused# set clear goals

4eco!e a "etter co!!unicator

'ncrease your value

%evelop entrepreneurship

earn how to utilise your talents

5ollow your drea!s

'!prove relationships with others

%evelop ,nancial intelligence

4eco!e a leader

*verco!e failure


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INTRODUCTION

Life is short so seize every opportunity

possible M Cardoza

6elco!e to how to clean the shxt out of your

life# the ur"an !otivational guide that will

(ic( you up the "ac(side and help you to

achieve !ore success. $his course is designed

to give you the necessary infor!ation and

techni7ues to allow you to i!prove any area

of your life. ' have !ade !uch eort to

present it in a 7uic( and easy# study for!at.


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$his guide oers si!ple !ethods to help you

create profound and long lasting success at

dierent stages in your life whether you are

successful now or not. $his guide is uni7ue in

that it is written in a down to earth#

conversational style# which is highly thought

provo(ing# and constantly pro!pting you topositive and productive action. $his course is

useful "oth for adults and teenagers# trainers

and students and individuals and groups. o

!atter who you are# where you are fro!#

what you do or don-t do# you can "ene,t fro!

this guide. $his guide is a full course which

shows you "ased on the si!ple for!ulas of

success# how you can i!prove the 7uality of

your life ,nancially# spiritually# socially and

intellectually.


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*ver the last twelve years# ' have "een

fascinated with the science of success. ' have

searched for the ingredients and !odels of

success fro! various people. 't a!a8es !e#

how so!e people despite the trau!a and

a"use they !ay have suered early in their

lives# can overco!e it and "eco!e suchpositive and inspiring individuals. ' love to

hear stories a"out people who despite the

insur!ounta"le odds against the! and

nu!erous failures ,nd huge success. ' love to

read a"out fa!ous "usiness people who were

"an(rupt and "ro(e and yet were a"le to "uild

"usiness e!pires. ' have studied the

"ehaviours# "eliefs and ha"its of successful

people. ' have studied people fro! dierent

parts of the world# fro! dierent cultures and

faiths and found si!ilar traits. ' have found

that successful fa!ilies share !uch in

co!!on with successful "usiness people. '

have found that *prah 6infrey# 90 Cent and%avid 4ec(ha! possess si!ilar traits that

have helped the! to ,nd huge success. $heir

success is not luc( as so!e would li(e you to


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"elieve. $heir success is "ased on si!ple

principles which if applied can "ring you huge

success also. +uccess is availa"le to anyone

who is willing to follow its rules and devote

the ti!e and energy to achieve it. 6hether

you are struggling as a parent or student# a

frustrated e!ployee# an angry partner or acreative "usiness person# this course will help

you to achieve !ore success. 6hat ' as( fro!

you is to devote the ti!e and energy now and

success will "e yours. Co!!it yourself today

and let us "egin your :ourney. ' a! truly

honoured to share !y (nowledge and

experience with you in this course. et us

!a(e the next !onth and next year your "est

year yet. Are you ready to "egin/


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HOW TO GET U( ) START

WINNING;The rich business man asks the high school

dropout, when will you start to live the life of

your dreams The high school dropout replies

when the time is perfect! The business man

responds" time is not the creator of perfect

moments# perfect moments are that which we

create and continue to create throughout our

lifetime! $lla Laurent

6hat are you waiting for/ Are you waiting forthe right ti!e to start/ Are you waiting for the

right people to ,nd you/ Are you waiting to

have enough !oney/ Are you waiting until

you feel in the right state of !ind/ Are you

waiting until you feel !ore con,dent and

overco!e your petty fears of failure/ 6hat

ever you are waiting for and what ever

excuses you are !a(ing# nothing will change

the fact that until you get up and "eco!e a

doer in life# you will "e waiting forever for

that perfect !o!ent. 6hy/ As we create

perfect !o!ents in our lives "y doing those

things that need to "e done.


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' wrote this course "ecause ' got up and did

it ou are studying this course "ecause you

got up and started it. +i!ple isn-t it/ et so

!any people in spite of their education and

(nowledge are "ro(e# unhappy or in

unproductive relationships "ecause they have

not got up 'f you are not happy with your lifethen the ,rst thing you have to do is get up

and do so!ething a"out it. 6hen/ Right now

How/ 't-s si!ple# !a(e the decision to do that

on which you have "een deli"erating for days#

wee(s or even years# and ta(e the ,rst step

forward towards its co!pletion. Re!e!"er

this ;All great :ourneys start with a step and

end with one- +o do yourself a favour and get

up right now and ta(e that ,rst step towards

your success.


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The great thing about starting now is that you

break the habit of procrastination and you

open the once tightly, shut doors of

opportunity and e%perience! &pportunity and

e%perience means moving closer towards

your success! 'f you need to clean the garden

get out there and do it right now! 'f you needto apologise to your friend or partner, buy him

or her something nice, say sorry and make

amends right now! The longer you wait the

more di(icult you perceive the task to be

accomplished and the less likely you are to

accomplish it! )ow if the task is one that can

improve the *uality of your life, then your

deliberation and procrastination will no doubt

be the birth of future sadness and

disappointment! +ould you rather live a life of

regret and frustration because you couldnt

be bothered to get up and commit a part of

yourself and your time towards achieving

your dreams 'magine in the future that youhave to live a life of poverty, stress and

di(iculty because you didnt get up and do

something positive and productive to make


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your life better! 'magine that you have to do a

ob that you hate because you didnt get o(

your behind and learn the necessary skills to

be successful! +hats the solution -et up

and take that .rst step/


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0ecome a creator of perfect moments! 1ow

-o for it/ -o forward with a strong sense of

boldness and create those perfect moments in

your life! )ow you may say well you dont

understand it is easy for you to say, youre

.ne! 2oure damn right it is easy for me to say

because ' made a decision to get up andcontinued to stay up until ' achieved my goals

in spite of the obstacles and challenges that '

faced! ' wanted to do better so ' got up and

did better! +as it easy )o, but then ' was not

going to stop until ' achieved my goal, not

forgetting that ' wanted to kick Challenge and

&bstacles arse/ )ow that ' have improved my

life do ' stop )o/ +hy Challenges are part

of progress! &ne should not shy away from

challenge! &ne should kick it so bad until

challenge begs you for salvation! 3emember

man grows in adversity +hy 1e has to

overcome challenges and obstacles and in

overcoming them he grows in e%perience,knowledge and success!


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Learn to see challenges and obstacles

through the eyes of con.dence! 2ou will

always be successful if you start, then work at

it and then improve on whatever you are

working! )ow, have you made your decision

to start doing those things that you have

delayed 'f you are still deliberating thenallow me to continue"

;'t is not a"out getting it right the ,rst ti!e#

you :ust have to get started and you cani!prove as you progress- C Ca!"ridge


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Are you a "ig tal(er a"out irrelevant things/ 'f

you are then here-s a word of advice&

4tart doing something productive now

$he world loves# cele"rates and re!e!"ersdoers. 't seldo! re!e!"ers people who

ponder and procrastinate. 'n the ga!e of life

it-s the "ig !overs# the action people who

receive the awards not the intellectual

conversationalists.

;'t-s not the !ost intelligent or acade!ic

people who are the !ost successful it is those

who get going and (eep going until they

cannot go any further- + Harris

+uccess lies in the a"ility to get up and go and

continue going until the desired destination is

reached.


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$hose who are successful in life get !oving#

they choose to "e creators of perfect

!o!ents# and they get up and stay up 'f you

want to "e successful in any area of your life

where you !ay have previously failed# don-t

read further until you decide to get up now. 'f

you continue to procrastinate and deli"erateyou-ll procrastinate and deli"erate forever.

Re!e!"er perfect !o!ents are what you

create now.

;-od helps those who help themselves and the

devil helps those who sit on their behind! M

Manners

6ho is helping you right now/


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Anyone can waste ti!e# s7uander !oney# act

rec(lessly# wander through life ai!lessly# lac(

direction# "e unhealthy# associate with

negative people# and !oan# that is easy.

$a(ing charge of your life and i!proving your

current condition ta(es action and courage.

5or those of you who do less# experience lessand want !ore it-s ti!e for so!e action.

Re!e!"er your proactive ha"its today de,ne

your success to!orrow.


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HOW TO GET U( ) START WINNING

E2!&%is! 6 7 How to /&!4 +8* $/its

5ind a pen and list the things that you avoid

doing that would i!prove an area of your life

if you did the!/ ist an advantage or as !any

advantages as possi"le for doing those thingsthat you have avoided doing until now.

)xa!ple

%evote !ore ti!e to educate !yself

earn new s(ills

%evelop a "usiness "ased on !y interests

%evelop !y social s(ills so ' can "eco!e a

!ore eective co!!unicator

Associate with !ore positive people


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E2!&%is! 9 : G!t u. ' -!t o wit$ it


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+tart doing so!ething now and continue to do

so!ething on a daily "asis in order that you

achieve whatever you have written down.

Avoid the perfection syndro!e and :ust start

now. $he issue here is not a"out doing things

right it is a"out starting to do those i!portant

things in your life which you have neglected.5ind so!eone who will !a(e sure that you

start doing what you have decided to do.


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THE CYCLE OF (ROCRASTINATION

BREAKING THE CYCLE OF(ROCRASTINATION


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HOW TO HARNESS (OWERFULINTERNAL STATES

TO IM(ROVE YOUR LIFE

+hat we focus on internally creates what we

e%perience e%ternally 8 Carmichael


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'nternal states shape our lives fro! the ti!e

we wa(e up until the ti!e we go to sleep. $he

internal states we choose# usually

unconsciously# are the ,lters through which

we see# feel and experience the world.$hese

,lters cause us to pro:ect ourselves positively

or negatively in our environ!ents. *urnegative or positive pro:ections then aect

how and what we experience in our lives. 'f

we focus on negative internal states then we

pro:ect our inner negativity into the world and

thus experience negative incidences and tend

to receive negative responses fro! others. 'f

we focus on positive internal states then we

pro:ect our inner positivity into the world and

tend to receive positive responses fro! others

and create positive occurrences. $hin( a"out

it# if you o"serve happy# non :udge!ental# out>

going individuals they pro:ect happiness and

fun which can aect others positively. Happy#

outgoing individuals are a :oy to "e around asthey pro:ect a strong# war! and positive state

that can !a(e others feel happy and positive.

@eople who choose to feel co!forta"le and


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con,dent can leave a powerful i!pression on

those with who! they interact. @eople ad!ire

their con,dence and self co!fort and are

drawn to the!. +ad# angry people pro:ect

sadness and anger into the world which can

create sadness and anger in those with who!

they interact. @eople who choose to "e in astate of shyness and disco!fort can !a(e

others feel unco!forta"le and dou"tful

around the!.


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$he feelingsstates you focus on !anifest

externally and aect the world around you.

$hey aect everything fro! friendships to

wealth generation.


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world and pro:ect states which are fearful#

untrusting# cynical and pessi!istic. $his

"reeds !ore negativity which others sense

and respond negatively. $his "reeds a cycle of

negativity in which fear "egets fear. Hence#

"ig cities such as ondon are full of people

who are fearful# nervous and cynical of others.$he !ore we distrust and fear each other the

!ore pro"le!s and fear we create in society.

Re!e!"er# we create the states which we live

"y and they in turn create the environ!ents

in which we live.


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' re!e!"er a young !an who s!o(ed

!ari:uana and dran( a lot of alcohol. He

"elieved that he needed to s!o(e and drin( in

order to attain a state of relaxation where he

felt free fro! the stresses of life and the

constant !ental chatter in his !ind. 6hat he

didn-t (now is that the state of relaxation hesought could "e achieved without external

sti!uli. He could access the state of

relaxation at will once he understood that he

is the source of the states he ,nds hi!self in

and out of daily. 'n the sa!e way as he used

alcohol and !ari:uana to induce his state he

could use his !e!ory to induce the sa!e

state. $hin( a"out it# intoxicants only

sti!ulate what is already within us. Alcohol

and drugs induce relaxation or happiness

"ecause it exists within. 'f the states we see(

through intoxicants are already within us then

do we need intoxicants to access the!/ o.

6e can recall states of happiness# :oy# love#con,dence and peace at will. 6e can si!ply

re!e!"er our !o!ents of happiness# :oy#

peace# con,dence or co!fort and experience


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the sa!e states as we did when we

experienced the! previously. Returning to the

young !an# ' told hi! to close his eyes and

relax his !uscles and re!e!"er a ti!e when

he felt relaxed and cal!. He entered into a

cal! relaxed state 7uic(ly. $hen# ' told hi!

while in his relaxed state to i!agineexpanding that feeling out of his "ody. ' then

told hi! to intensify the state "y i!agining

feeling !ore relaxed and cal!. ' as(ed hi!

how it felt and he responded very nice. '

continued to (eep hi! focused on the state "y

as(ing hi! to play with the state# intensify

and expand it and notice how it !ade hi!

feel. After ten !inutes we "ro(e the state and

he realised to his surprise how easy it was to

enter in and out of states without the need for

intoxicants. He realised then that "y

extending the duration of ti!e spent in a state

of peace and relaxation he could reduce the

need for alcohol and !ari:uana. %id he reducehis need for alcohol and !ari:uana/ He did

indeed. He not only reduced his inta(e of

intoxicants "ut "eca!e !ore con,dent in his


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inner a"ilities and personal power. $his has

had a positive eect in other areas of his life

fro! his social relations with others to raising

his aspirations. $hin( a"out it# what could you

do if you (new how to !ove in and out of

positive states at will/ How !uch !ore

powerful would you feel/ 6hat would you "ea"le to do that you !ay have feared in the

past/ '!agine "eing a"le to hold a relaxed

and peaceful state in the !ost pressing of

situations/ $his would "e a powerful s(ill for

people interested in pu"lic spea(ing#

perfor!ing in front of people# resolving

conBict# attending interviews# doing exa!s or

any other situation that one !ay dee!

stressful nor!ally. 6ould it not "e worth

spending so!e ti!e to develop such a si!ple

s(ill now/


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6e have not taught our children how to

harness the power of state which !ay explain

why so !any see( to ,nd unproductive and

negative ways to induce positive states.

$eenagers attac(ing innocent victi!s in the

na!e of excite!ent and thrill are using a

cruel and "ar"aric !ethod of achieving suchstates which could "e achieved through far

!ore constructive and e!powering !eans if

shown. $he teenage alcohol and drugs culture

could "e challenged if society# parents#

schools# and govern!ent could show young

people !ore positive and e!powering ways to

attain the states that they experience through

drugs and alcohol. 6e have not taught shy

!en and wo!en longing for love in their life

how to access and re(indle their inner states

of love and con,dence so that they !ay create

!ore love and con,dence in their lives and

attract loving and con,dent people towards

the!. 6e have not taught depressedindividuals how to swi! in their inner rivers

of happiness and :oy so that they can release

the!selves fro! the negative and destructive


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grip of the state of depression. 6e oer the!

drugs with har!ful side aects which !erely

sedate the! and !a(e the! dependent on

external sti!uli.


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$he secret to success in life is your a"ility to

recall and hold your inner positive states. $he

!ore you hold such positive states the !ore

people around you tend to respond positively.

$hus# the !ore positive things "egin to occur

and happen around you. Holding states allows

you to "e !ore Bexi"le in a variety ofsituations and !ore in control. +uch Bexi"ility

will i!prove areas of your life as you will "e

a"le to !ove in and out of dierent

environ!ents and situations co!forta"ly.

+o!e people have a !isconception that those

around the! should "e positive in order for

the! to act positively. $his !ay "e applica"le

to children who respond to our e!otions "ut

not to adults who have the power to change

their e!otional states at will. $hose people

who "elieve that others !ust exhi"it positive

states "efore they can "e happy# creative or

con,dent# !ust exhi"it positive states

the!selves. 'f you want to experiencehappiness then recall and create your own

inner happiness and you will inBuence others.

ou !ust share your positive states with


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others if you want to experience theirs. $hin(

a"out it# when you are positive doesn-t

everything around you see! so !uch !ore

positive/ %o not people respond to you !ore

positively/ 6hen you focus and go into the

world sharing a state of positivity others feel

it and thus you attract !ore positivity. $hin(a"out it# when you are in a negative state

doesn-t everything appear so negative/ 6hen

you go into the world in a negative state you

attract negativity.


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et-s ta(e two people# one nervous the other

con,dent. ervousness is a negative state in

which fear do!inates. $he !ore we hold onto

it and pro:ect it into the world the !ore it

causes us to dou"t our a"ilities and thin( the

worst. *ur "ody language and "ehaviours

respond to our state of nervousness. @eoplethen o"serve our "ody language and

"ehaviour and sense our self dou"t and fear

and respond accordingly. $hey read our

"ehaviour and "ody language as shyness#

wea(ness# strange or weird. A nervous person

is not eective as his or her negative state

wea(ens and destroys his or her charis!a#

char! and power to connect with others.

@eople sense and see this and don-t feel

connected or co!forta"le around a nervous

person so they !ove away. Con,dence is a

state in which self "elief do!inates. 't causes

us to "elieve in our a"ilities and to connect

with others around us. *ur "ody languageand "ehaviours respond to our state of

con,dence. *thers sense our con,dence and

are drawn towards us. $hey read our positive


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state as strength# war!th and co!forta"le. A

con,dent person as his or her positive state

strengthens and enhances his or her char!#

charis!a and connection with others. A

con,dent person-s "ody and speech oo8es

con,dence and power. @eople connect with

their passion# openness and strength and feelinvigorated and relaxed in their presence.

Con,dent people are the leaders of society#

the charis!atic and co!pelling leaders of

religions# cults# gangs and groups. $hey are

the alpha !ales and fe!ales in social circles

and the trend setters in the world of popular

culture.


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$here is a wealth of scienti,c data and

evidence which shows how our e!otional and

psychological states aect our health and

"ody. egative e!otions such as anger#

pessi!is!# worry and frustration wea(en our

health and slow down our a"ility to recover.

@eople who have suered a trau!a orsuered the loss of love one can age in a very

short period of ti!e# or even develop ail!ents

due to the negative states which they

e!"race. @ositive e!otions such as

happiness# love# opti!is!# peace and

forgiveness strengthen our health and well

"eing. @ositive e!otions have "een found

useful in treating serious diseases such as

cancer# dia"etes and Aids. $hey can help to

alleviate pain and slow down the da!age to

the "ody caused "y such diseases.


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$he 'nstitute of Heart


45/531

6ould you want to create negative# inactive

%A which !ay not only have a detri!ental

eect on your life "ut perhaps even on your

children and grand children/ $he eect and

inBuence of e!otions can transfor! your life

for the "etter or the worst. 6hat will you

choose/


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HOW TO HARNESS (OWERFUL

INTERNAL STATES


E2!&%is! 6 7 How to &!%++ ' $o+'

.ositi1! stt!s


48/531


49/531

ove

Happiness

5un

Con,dence

5orgivenessReleasing


50/531

'f you can practice recalling and holding

states such as co!fort and love you will often

,nd it very easy to connect and develop

rapport with anyone even strangers. @eople

will feel co!forta"le and relaxed around you.

'f you have told yourself ;' a! shy- for years

then focusing on the states of love andco!fort will help you to reduce the level of

shyness that you feel. Reducing your level of

shyness will help you to "eco!e !ore

con,dent around others and i!prove your

social s(ills. 'f you tell yourself ;' a! sad#

angry and depressed-# practice focusing and

en:oying "eing in a powerful state of

happiness. $he !ore you !aintain the state

the stronger the eect and inBuence. 'f you

spend a lot of ti!e focusing on a positive state

such as happiness# it will wea(en your desire

to hold negative states.

otice the powerful eect positive states haveon others when you recall the! and hold the!

around others.


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HOW TO HARNESS (OWERFUL

INTERNAL STATES


)nter into a speci,c positive state positiveresponse D i!proved health

)nter into a speci,c negative state negativeresponse D reduced health


53/531


54/531


9ear is the fake vampire that is a

dead :y in reality M 0arrett


55/531

)!"racing our fears stops us fro! getting up#

staying up and excelling in our lives. 4y

atte!pting to avoid the short>ter! pain

caused "y our unrealistic fears# we end up

acting in ways that create pain in the long

ter!# which increases our initial fears.

*verco!ing fear is less frightening than livingwith the underlying fear that co!es fro! the

feeling of "eing the victi!. ou can laugh at

fear and overco!e it with action. Consistent

action coupled with deter!ination and the

will to grow will help you to overco!e fear.

@eople who choose to act shy and then decide

to overco!e their fear of people with

deter!ination and opti!is! achieve their

goals. @eople who choose to "e failures and

then decide to "eco!e successful overco!e

their fear of failure and re:ection with action

and deter!ination. $hey stop focusing on the

negatives and focus on the positive

possi"ilities. $he solution to "anishing ourfears is that we should treat the! as a

valua"le part of our personal growth and as

opportunities for growth and success.


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+o what is fear/ 6hat is this e!otional state

that has controlled the lives of hu!ans for

thousands of years/ 5ear is a nu!"er of

things. 't is our negative "eliefs that tell us

that we will experience negative

conse7uences. 't is the result of relin7uishing

your inner strength and con,dence toirrational negative thoughts and negative

inner voices. $he conse7uence is that you

"eco!e a slave to your negative thoughts. ou

"eco!e the ruled rather than the ruler. $his

in turn creates negative patterns# which you

pro:ect into the world. 't is the inhi"itor of

!any of your positive "ehaviours and the

source of your procrastination# self>dou"t#

lac( of con,dence and !ost of your negative

patterns. 't is the necessary catalyst in the

creation of negative "eliefs and poor self>

i!age and self>concept. 5ear stops you fro!

asserting yourself# and that hinders you fro!

growing and increasing your sense of selfworth. 't is the source of inBexi"ility#

pre:udice# racis!# and a rigid attitude towards

life# people and the un(nown. 't is the excuse


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"ehind which we hide in order to avoid

positive change and i!prove!ent.


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6hen you live under the shadow of fear you

"loc( out rays of opportunity# insight#

experience# success and a"undance. 5ear

only stic(s around if you allow it. 't is li(e a

va!pire that suc(s your "lood and grows

each day you allow it to re!ain on your "ody.

$he thought of a va!pire suc(ing !e dry# no!atter how "eautiful she !ay "e# isn-t !y

idea of life. +o if you have a va!pire li(e

relationship with fear# now is the ti!e to

"rea( it o. 4elieve !e# once you free yourself

fro! fear you will "e a!a8ed how 7uic(ly you

can i!prove your 7uality of life. 'f you don-t

challenge your fears then you will re!ain in

the a"yss of li!itation# !ediocrity# ignorance#

restrictions# wantonness and poverty.

+o!ething even worse !ay occur if you don-t

challenge your fears now. $hey !ay develop

into pho"ias. All pho"ias "egin as a fear of

so!ething !inor and develop in to !a:or

fears# which can destroy your life. $here arethousands of pho"ias fro! fear of dirt to fear

of going outside. @ho"ias such as these

destroy the 7uality of !any people-s lives.


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How can we e!"race so!ething such as fear

and allow it to do so !uch da!age to our

progress and# invaria"ly# life/

't is terri"le that we allow the 7uality of our

lives to "e controlled "y a thought process

which expects the worst and constantly forcesus to as( what ifEsuch and such goes wrong/

$he next ti!e you hear yourself saying what

ifEF negative future action +hat if ' fail,

+hat if they dont like me,+hat if ' cant do

it tell yourself what if EF positive future

action +hat if ' do really well, +hat if they

really like me, or even develop a resilient

attitude#for e%ample so what if there isnt a

positive occurrence! 'ts all e%perience and '

wont stop until ' receive a positive result.

ou could also thin( of a ti!e when you have

felt con,dent and successful and tell yourself

in a con,dent and co!pelling tone of voice

with a con,dent s!ile ' can do this, ' willwin, ' will do well in that interview, ' will get

that ob!


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Here is so!e food for thought# when a child

learns how to spea( does heshe tell

hi!herself what if ' dont conugate my

tenses correctly or what if mummy looks at

me as if ' am stupido# the child will get his

or her point across even if heshe has to throw

a tantru! and strangle hisher "ig "rother inthe process. 's that not food for thought/ +top

telling yourself negative stories. 5ears are

!ice that you allow to appear as God8illa>si8e

!onsters. $hey are a distorted sense of

reality. 'f you are scared of so!ething it is

"ecause you lac( the con,dence and inner

"elief to see whatever you fear in its true

light.


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'f you are scared to tal( to so!eone who you

do not (now for fear of re:ection then you are

creating a !onster in your !ind. 6hat if that

person is hoping that you will tal( to hi! or

her/ 6hat if that person doesn-t spea( to you/

%oes that !ean that you should not approach

so!eone who! you don-t (now and atte!ptto !a(e conversation/ %oes that !ean that

you are du!" and foolish for !a(ing the

atte!pt/ %oes it !ean that you are weird/ 't

only !eans what actually happened. $hey

didn-t tal( to you. @erhaps they were having a

"ad day. @erhaps they have e!"raced their

own fears. @erhaps you didn-t co!!unicate

eectively. 6hatever the reason# there is

so!ething to learn. 4eco!e a "etter

co!!unicator. Change your approach. @ay

!ore attention to "ody language and detail.

Co!prehend. oo( on the "right side and

consider what is good a"out your experience.

'f you focus on the "ad you will surely receiveit.


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+hatever our minds focus upon comes into

being M Moore


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6hat if ' had the idea to write such a course

you are studying and e!"raced !y fears/

6ould you "e studying it now/ o. ' could

have said ;what if people don-t li(e it/ 6hat if

people thin( ' a! an idiot/ 6hat if ' don-t

!a(e any !oney fro! it# after the ti!e ' have

invested in it/ 6hat if so!eone or so!eorganisation rips !e o/- However# ' didn-t#

why/ ' was not going to allow fear to suc(

such a great opportunity to share with you !y

(nowledge# experience and s(ill. ' decided

that any for! of fear that !ay appear in !y

7uest to !a(e this course a success ' would

co!"at and overco!e with deter!ination and

inner con,dence. Re!e!"er# action coupled

with a strong desire to succeed will con7uer

our worst fears. 'f %avid could (ill the !ighty

Goliath with a slingshot then you can achieve

anything. 4e "old# "e deter!ined and (ill and

trod on that va!pire called fear for you are

the (ings and 7ueens of your e!otions andthoughts# rise and let fear (now that you are

the ruler of your !ental do!ain.


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5ear is a loyal negative friend# who will

always stic( "y you as long as you accept its

advice and tor!ents. 't will tell you not to

ta(e ris(s as ta(ing ris(s could potentially

severe your relationship with it. 't will tell you

not to "e a!"itious as a!"ition will propel

you where fear cannot go. 't will tell you notto "e con,dent as con,dence destroys fear-s

grip on you. 't will tell you to "e irresponsi"le

as fear is wayward and hates discipline and

focus on anything other than itself. 't will tell

you to !a(e excuses to :ustify its negative

inBuence and advice. 't will tell you to

procrastinate as procrastination uses excuses

to :ustify underlying fears. 't will tell you to

act desperately as ti!e is running out. 't will

tell you to fear death rather than en:oy life. 't

will tell you not to fall in love as love is

vulnera"le and open while fear is rigid# ,xed

and restrictive. 't tells you not to share# as

greed is one of its disguises. 's that the (indof ideal friend that you want/ 's that the (ind

of friend with who! you want to associate/


66/531

$he a"ode of fear is one-s co!fort 8ones. 'ts

"oundaries are guarded "y fear itself. 5ear

tells us that it is not safe to go "eyond the

fa!iliar surroundings of our co!fort 8ones. 't

tells us that we will suer extre!e pain#

disappoint!ent and failure if we dare to ta(e

the ris( and "e "old enough to expand "eyondour self i!posed li!itations.


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unpredicta"le# the land where opportunities

are a"undant and the greatest rewards are

found. $hose of you# who ta(e ris(s and step

forward# ta(ing charge of your lives and

success# will always "e the winners. +tart

now# and relegate fear to its true position# and

!ove "eyond the !ythological "orders of yourco!fort 8ones. ou created the! and you can

destroy the!. Re!e!"er s!all consistent

steps coupled with deter!ination and the

desire to "e greater than you are will propel

you "eyond your co!fort 8ones. o !atter

what perceived pain or disappoint!ents you

experience you will push "eyond your co!fort

8ones and continue too with deter!ination

and action. 4eco!e greater than you are#

"eco!e an action person and push it real

good


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Comfort zones have created much

greater discomfort in mans life

than the discomfort he e%periences

overcoming the greatest of

obstacles Cognito 4agacia

'f you do choose to re!ain in your co!fort

8ones then here is so!ething to ponder over.

'f you do not !ove "eyond your co!fort 8one

do not co!plain a"out the 7uality of your life.

%o not co!plain a"out the lac( of

opportunities# the lac( of !oney# the lac( of

happiness# the lac( of choice# the lac( of

satisfaction# the lac( of love# the lac( of

respect# and the lac( of free ti!e. %on-t

co!plain a"out where you live# the negativepeople around you# your !ediocre :o"# and

other negative things in your life. $his is what

happens when you choose to re!ain in your

co!fort 8one. 't is not an exciting thought is

it/ %o you ever wonder why your life is not as

exciting as it could "e/ 6ell get up right now

and start pushing "eyond your co!fort 8ones.

@ush it real good


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'f you are serious a"out i!proving the 7uality

of your life# slap fear "ac( to its hole and

reclai! your position as the !aster of

your !ind# "ody# soul and life. 4roaden

your hori8ons. )xperience so !uch of the

opportunities and great experiences thatlife has to oer.

;God gave !an the world to live in not an

alley# if you thin( an alley is the world then

you-re !issing God-s grace- awa *sani

F!& o# Fi+u&!


70/531

6hat use would it "e to win if so!e of us

didn-t loose/ 6hat use would success "e if we

didn-t fail/ 'f you don-t !a(e a nice cup of tea

one !orning does that !ean that you are a

failure in life or did you si!ply fail to !a(e a

good cup of tea that !orning/


71/531

6e !ay fail once perhaps twice or even three

ti!es then we decide we no longer want to

experience the pain of frustration or failure so

we tell ourselves that we cannot do it# it is too

diicult# ' don-t li(eE

!e- syndro!e "egins and for !any continuesthroughout their life. es# ' said ;fear>"ully>

!e- syndro!e= this is the fear of failure

attitude that !ost people on the planet follow

!ore devoutly than religion.


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How !any of you have hindered your

progress# destroyed your chances of a "etter

7uality of life# wrec(ed "eautiful

relationships# !issed opportunities to create

wealth in the na!e of fear of failure/ $he

worst thing is you have the audacity to

co!plain when your life is not going the wayyou would li(e it to. 6ell# if you had overco!e

your fear of failure and stopped acting li(e

fearful individuals you could have Bown

"eyond the chic(en coup of fear and realised

your wishes. $he funny thing is# when we give

up and relin7uish all eorts to achieve our

drea!s "efore we have achieved the! at that

point we are extre!ely near to achieving

the!. 6hat !ost people don-t realise is that

failure is not a "ad thing# it is 7uite the

opposite. 5ailure is the honest teacher that is

telling you that you need to analyse what# why

and where you are doing so!ething

incorrectly. *nce you have recti,ed thoseissues you will "e successful.

F!& o# R!;!%tio


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$here are so !any people who have sacri,ced

living a "etter 7uality of life than they are

living now due to their fear of re:ection. '

have seen friends and ac7uaintances# heard

stories a"out people who have chosen second

"est whether it "e a partner# :o"# lifestyle or

property due to their fear of re:ection. %o you(now so!eone li(e that/ Are you one of those

people who have sacri,ced your 7uality of life

due to fear of re:ection/ 5ear of re:ection li(e

fear of failure is a drea! !onster that we

create and strengthen. our level of fear is

relative to how you choose to perceive the

thing you fear. 'f you want to as( an individual

out on a date and the a!ount of fear you are

feeling is one on a scale of one to ten then you

will pro"a"ly as( that person out for a date.

ou have not created a huge !onster in your

head that tells you ;what if heshe says no '

will appear as an idiot-. *nce again the ;what

if F negative presupposition- thought pattern!isleads you into "elieving that you will "e

re:ected and that re:ection is a "ad thing.

Re:ection is a part of life. 'f you as( your


74/531

!other for a slice of ho!e !ade ca(e and she

replies in the negative# does that !ean that

you never as( her again for a slice of ho!e

!ade ca(e/ 'f you are re:ected for a :o" does

that !ean that you do not apply for another

:o"/ $hat would "e a"surd# yet !any of us

deny ourselves the chance to grow# learn andexperience !ore due to past re:ections and

our fear of future ones. +uccessful people in

life expect and accept re:ection as a part of

success. Re:ection teaches the! that they

!ay need to i!prove their approach# product#

(nowledge# experience or attitude. 'f you

want to "e successful then you !ust prepare

yourself to face re:ection. *n the path of

success you !ust pass through the villages of

re:ection. o !atter how !any re:ections you

receive# learn fro! the! and (eep on pushing

towards your goals. Re:ections li(e failures

are valua"le lessons if you choose to learn

fro! the!.

F!& o# !0/&&ss0!t


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$here are !any of us on this planet who care

so !uch a"out what others thin( that we are

(illing ourselves. 6e care so !uch a"out what

other people thin( that we free8e ourselves

into a state of i!!o"ility. 6e stop doing the

things our heart desires due to our fear of

e!"arrass!ent. 6e care that we will appearstupid if we say so!ething we strongly

"elieve in "ecause those around us are too

ignorant to understand. 6e care if strangers

in a nightclu" thin( we are "ad dancers even

though they are too scared to dance

the!selves. 6e care that we will "e re:ected

"y others if we choose to act dierent fro!

!asses and their cattle !entality. 6e care so

!uch that we lose ourselves in our fear

e!"arrass!ent. 't is cra8y that we would

allow our fear of e!"arrass!ent to li!it and

restrict our drea!s. +o what if you are not a

good dancer. 'f your favourite trac( is playing#

dance until your heart delights. 6ho cares ifpeople are too ignorant to understand your

views and "eliefs $o hell with the cattle

!entality $he truth is !ost people who


76/531

follow the !asses wish they could "e dierent

"ut are hindered "y their fear of

e!"arrass!ent. 'f ' cared a"out what people

thought you wouldn-t "e studying this course.

' love to write even though ' !ay not "e the

world-s greatest. ' a! doing what ' love and

helping others in the process. ' don-t carewhat so!e fearful# ;care too !uch- individual

thin(s a"out !y wor(. 'f you loo( at the

successful# happiest# !ost con,dent people

co!pared to the !asses they care little a"out

the negative thoughts of others. $hey do not

focus on e!"arrass!ent. $hey are too "usy

doing the things that !a(e the! happy rather

than focusing on their fear of e!"arrass!ent.

earn fro! the con,dent# fearless individuals

who go out their and ta(e ris(s. ' ad!ired

so!e of those people who enter national

televised co!petitions such as the factor at

the ris( of "eing laughed at and derided.

@eople actually ad!ire those who are socon,dent in the!selves that they do not care

what others thin(. 'f you want to "e

successful in life you have to develop a


77/531

fearless and fun loving attitude and say no to

the fear of e!"arrass!ent.


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' (now so !any talented# s(illed and

intelligent people who have decided to give up

in the na!e of a few past failures and

e!"race fear. $hese people have so !uch to

oer "ut will pro"a"ly never share their

greatest gifts with others "ecause they are

too concerned a"out failing. Re!e!"er;whatever you focus on you receive-. 'f you

focus on the fear of failure your life will "e a

failure. $his is the way of the fearful. %o you

choose to act fearfully/ 'f you reply no "ut are

!a(ing excuses and will not continue to push

forward until you achieve your drea!s then

you are suering fro! the ;fear "ully-

syndro!e. 'f you are scared of expressing

your feelings to your partner "ecause you are

scared you will "e perceived as wea( or

ee!inate then you are acting in the na!e of

fear 'f you are scared to tal( to that person

you have always wanted to tal( to then you

are ruled "y fear. 6hat is the worst that canhappen if they choose not to tal( to you/ 's it

that "ad# no# its education perhaps you could

have done so!ething "etter# if so learn fro!


79/531

it# you will i!prove your social s(ills. @erhaps

you !ay ,nd they are not worth spea(ing to

'f you are scared to apply for certain :o"s due

to lac( of s(ills or education# then learn the

s(ills and gain the experience needed to do

that :o". 'f you are re:ected then gain !ore

infor!ation and s(ills until co!panies areheadhunting you. 'f you want to pu"lish a

successful "oo( learn as !uch as you can

a"out writing a successful "oo( and then pay

attention to reader-s# critics- and pu"lishers-

criticis!s.


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'f you want to overco!e any fear then you

!ust overco!e it with continuous action. $a(e

s!all steps and do not stop until you have

overco!e your fear. ou !ay not get it right

on your ,rst few atte!pts "ut don-t stop.

)verything starts with a step. Re!e!"er act

li(e the child learning to wal(# despite thenu!erous falls and the inconvenience# the

child is deter!ined to wal( and will not stop

until heshe achieves hisher goal. Go for it

and overco!e the fa(e va!pires of fear.

Re!e!"er they are only dead Bies.


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E2!&%is! 6 7 Lu-$ t *ou& i&&tio+ #!&s


82/531

$a(e a fear you have and as( yourself& how

does this reduce the 7uality of your life on a

scale of one to ten/ $hen as( yourself& how

silly is the "elief on a scale of one to ten/ 'f

your fear ran(s a"ove ,ve then it is a strong

fear. ow we (now the fear and its strength

we are going to play with it. et-s get playfuland play with the fear. et-s say so!eone has

a fear of tal(ing to people. 6e are going to

ta(e that person and dare the! to say hello to

so!e they do not (now without any

expectations. $hen once they have achieved

such a goal we want the! to s!ile at

so!eone else who appears friendly and say

hello again. $hen we will !a(e the! aware

that they were a"le to go "eyond the fear and

greet people without worrying a"out negative

conse7uences. $hen we will as( the sa!e

person how do they feel a"out the fear now on

a scale of one to ten/ 'f they feel that it is now

wea(er then the exercise has wor(ed. 6ewould repeat the exercise until the feeling of

the fear reduced to far !ore controlla"le

levels for the individual. @lease re!e!"er to


83/531

have fun 4e playful. @lay with your fears

E2!&%is! 9 7 How 'o!s s$! 'o it5 Co.*

$hin( of so!eone who is not scared of the

thing you fear and ,nd out what ha"its and

"ehaviours they e!ploy. ' re!e!"er a young

!an who would pic( up the telephone andcold call anyone with so !uch con,dence.

6hen ' as(ed hi! how he did it. He told !e

he had developed the attitude of ;' don-t care

if they say no- he would continue until he

received a yes. He said that he treated it as a

ga!e. He had actually learnt it fro! another

successful sales!an in his early days as a

sales!an. ' have told others who choose to

act shy to try such an attitude and it has

wor(ed very well. $ry it

E2!&%is! < 7 C$-! *ou& 1i!w o# t$! #!&


84/531

*ne tric( which ' li(e to play with is to ta(e

so!ething so!eone doesn-t li(e and play with

their i!age of it. et-s say you fear tal(ing to

so!eone to such an extent that you free8e

when you see hi! or her. Create a funny

i!age of the!. '!agine a funny character

such as clown and dress the person you fearin a funny out,t. Give the! a funny voice#

wal(# gestures and expressions. 'f you "egin

to laugh then you have "een successful. @lay

with it. ' re!e!"er using this techni7ue with

so!eone who was extre!ely irate with a

friend. After following !y instructions he

could not stop laughing. 6hen he saw the

person with who! he was angry he s!iled

and laughed. @lease re!e!"er you !ay not

achieve over night success. 6or( at it and "e

playful. ears of fears !ay not disappear

instantly.

E2!&%is! = : A%t #!&+!ss+*


85/531

*ne way to overco!e any fear is to enter into

a con,dent# arrogant and powerful state

where you don-t care a"out the conse7uences

and go for it with all your strength and

con,dence. ou can use an air!ation such

as ;' can overco!e this fear now forever# ' a!

the !aster of !y life# ' a! in control and ' will!aster this fear-. Re!e!"er a ti!e when you

felt "old and use that powerful feeling to help

you face a fear. 6hen you hold a powerful

positive state it is very diicult for fear to

control you.


86/531

THE ANATOMY OF FEAR


87/531

CHALLENGING>OVERCOMING FEAR


88/531


$%cuses never made a person or a

nation great 1 Lewis


89/531


90/531

get older and sit in front of the $J-/ 'f we had

ta(en such a view !an(ind would still "e

crawling or even worst rolling around on their

sto!achs


91/531

)xcuses never help a person to overco!e the

challenges they face in life. $hey help to !a(e

!atters worse. $hey hinder your progress.

$hey inhi"it intelligent "ehaviour and

creativity. $he !ost unsuccessful people tend

to !a(e the !ost excuses. How !any excuses

do you !a(e everyday/ %o you suer fro! aserious case of excuses/ 6e all have !ade

excuses at so!e point in our life in order to

cover up our failed atte!pts or shortco!ings.

+o!e people !ay even want to tell you that it

is nor!al to !a(e up excuses as everyone

does it. However# no !atter how co!!on

excuses are it does not !a(e the!

accepta"le. 'f you want to push "eyond your

co!fort 8one# achieve !ore in life and

i!prove then !a(ing excuses are da!n right

unaccepta"le. 6hy# you !ay as(. )xcuses

avoid addressing those issues# "ehaviours#

"eliefs or situations that hinder you fro!

achieving a "etter 7uality of life. )very ti!eyou tell yourself you cannot "e "othered or

you don-t care# you are hindering your

progress in the na!e of excuses. How !any


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' have never heard of a very successful

person# entrepreneur# !ulti!illionaire# or

contented partner who were aKicted "y

excuses. ever +uccessful people never# let

!e repeat never# hide "ehind excuses# they

never allow excuses to dictate how poor their

7uality of life !ust "e. ou !ight say ;' don-thave any for!al 7uali,cations so ' cannot "e

successful# ' a! not "right enough-. How

!any successful people don-t have for!al

7uali,cations# were high school dropouts or

social !is,ts in their teen years/ $oo !any to

!ention 4ill Gates dropped out of niversity=

Richard 4ranson has few acade!ic

7uali,cations however they are all extre!ely

successful. How a"out Helen Leller who at

eighteen !onths contracted a severe illness

that left her "lind and without hearing for the

rest of her life. 5or the next six years she

suered in a world of anger# self>a"sorption

and frustration. )veryone failed to ,nd a wayto connect or co!!unicate with her. At the

age of seven her social wor(er# Annie +ullivan

"eca!e a part of her life. Leller considered


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that !o!ent the !ost i!portant day she

could re!e!"er in her life. Annie +ullivan

unli(e everyone else was a"le to connect with

Helen Leller. $hrough her connection with

Annie +ullivan Helen Leller transfor!ed

herself# fro! a near ani!al state# una"le to

spea(# wal(# and feed to an intelligent wo!anwho wrote a"out her own life story and

"eca!e an icon for !any people around the

glo"e. Her transfor!ation as diicult as it was

would not have happened if she and her

teacher had decided to !a(e excuses.


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cheap. He will not apply for a higher paid :o"

as he tells hi!self ;it loo(s li(e too !uch

wor(# what if ' don-t li(e it# ' !ight "e a

failure# they are as(ing for too !uch... He will

not save !oney or loo( for a larger rented

acco!!odation as he tells hi!self ;' a! not

wasting !y inco!e# ' don-t want to "e tied toa !ortgage# it is not worth itEHe will not

ta(e the ris( and atte!pt to esta"lish a

relationship as he tells hi!self ;$here are no

decent fe!ales around# why do ' want to tie

!yself down/# it-s ti!e consu!ing# ' cannot

"e "otheredE-.


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failings on anyone accept hi!self. He will

continue to "e successful and happy as he is

honest with hi!self and see(s to overco!e his

fears and li!itations.

$here are honesty F action "etter 7uality of life.


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6hat for!ula are you following/ 'f you want a

"etter 7uality of life then the answer is

o"vious# stop !a(ing excuses and get up and

deal with whatever challenges# o"stacles you

have to overco!e# starting now )xcuses are

for people who choose to act fearfully. 'f you

are a person who "la!es others# racis!#class# environ!ent or anything else for your

failings stop it now. ou will not grow and

achieve hiding "ehind excuses. +tart acting

with con,dence and !a(e the decision to "e a

4 person# a shaper of a "etter 7uality of life.

Any successful person that you (now# see or

hear a"out is a 4 person. $hey get up# stay up

and they excel without excuses.


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E2!&%is! 6 : List *ou& 'i+* 'os! o#

!2%us!s

6rite down all the excuses you !a(e on

regular "asis. 6hich ones hinder you the !ost

in life/ @ic( those excuses that hinder you the

!ost and exa!ine the!. 'f you tell yourself ;'

do not have ti!e-. )xa!ine your day and

chec( the a!ount of ti!e you waste. Create a

si!ple plan to !anage your ti!e "etter. 'f you

tell yourself ;' do not possess suicient funds-

exa!ine how !uch !oney you waste on

unnecessary ite!s and loo( for new ways to

generate inco!e.

4elow is an exa!ple&

E2%us! H/it> W$t 'o *ou 'o5 So+utio

o !oney ' earn M1900 per !onth

and save non of it

+ell at the local c

goods on e4ay'n

+ave !oney and

things that ' don-

%evelop a "usine


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E2%us! H/it> W$t 'o*ou 'o5

So+utio


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E2!&%is! 9 : Gi1! u. !2%us!s #o& '*

*nce you have listed the excuses you !a(eregularly the next step is to vow to stop

hiding "ehind those excuses for a day. *nce

you have successfully achieved your goal of

;no excuses for the day- then ai! to stop

!a(ing excuses for a wee( and then a !onth.

'f you have a spent a lot of ti!e hiding "ehind

excuses you will experience a positive shift in

your thin(ing. ou will ,nd a new sense of

independence and self responsi"ility which

will help you to progress in any area of your

life !uch 7uic(er than previously. ou will see

how !uch of a victi! the person who !a(es

excuses is.


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THE EXCUSE CYCLE

CHALLENGING EXCUSES


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YOUR LIFE

;+o!ething far worse than ver"al profanities#

And far !ore destructive than the !ost vile of

curses#

's the use of certain words#

$hey have inBicted such horri,c da!age on

!an(ind#

And have "een the source of :usti,cation for!any a !isdeed#

$hat if ' could#

' would#

4an the! indeed- A 'sh!ael


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' re!e!"er a funny yet thought provo(ing

story a"out the power of words. A swa!i# an

'ndian !ystic# was once giving a lecture on

the power of !antras NincantationsO and the

positive eects that they can have on those

who recite the! regularly. A young sceptic in

the audience stood up and told the !asterthat he was tal(ing ru""ish. $he young !an

stated ;reciting the sa!e word a thousand

ti!es could do nothing for the hu!an

condition as words have no real power-. $he

swa!i responded to the young !an with

ver"al a"use. 4oth the young !an and the

audience loo(ed at the swa!i astonished. $he

young !an re"u(ed the swa!i for using foul

language# which he "elieved to "e "eneath his

stature and a !ost hurtful and defa!atory

choice of words. $he swa!i turned to the

crowd and said ;here today we have seen a

perfect exa!ple of the power of words than(s

to our young# arrogant# sceptic-.


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$here are certain words which !ost )nglish

spea(ers use daily without any thought of

what negative inBuence they have upon the!.

A nu!"er of euro>linguists call the o!ission

of these words and a!"iguities fro! our

speech ;clean language-. ' call the use of such

words and a!"iguities ;foul language-. $hefoul words in 7uestion are as follows&

Mo'+ o.!&to&s o# .ossi/i+it*

$hese words when used negatively can have a

catastrophic eect on our achieve!ent. $hey

restrict our innate talents= li!it our options

and choices to do !ore and "etter in our

lives. +uch words and expressions are&

Cannot

Couldn-t

na"le

'!possi"le

;'t is i!possi"le-

;ou can-t do that-;ou will "e una"le to tal( toE-


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6hen we use the a"ove>!entioned words and

expressions we tell ourselves that we do not

have the a"ility to do things that we have

never atte!pted to do or have failed to do

well. 5or exa!ple& so!eone tells you that they

cannot learn a foreign language. $hey have

either not atte!pted to learn a foreignlanguage and assu!e it is too diicult to

learn# or have atte!pted to learn a foreign

language and have found it too challenging to

learn. $his does not !ean that they lac( the

a"ility to learn a foreign language. 't si!ply

!eans that they cannot "e "othered to learn a

language or overco!e whatever challenges

they !ay face in order to learn it successfully.

$heir use of ;can-t- in this sense is !erely a

su"stitute for they won-t or they don-t want

to. 6e use the word ;can-t- daily as it ta(es

away the responsi"ility of doing or

co!!itting to so!ething. 6hen a !an says

he cannot "e faithful he is saying he isatte!pting to "la!e so!e !ythical force for

his irresponsi"ility. $he truth is he does not

want to "e responsi"le and chooses not to "e


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responsi"le. Re!e!"er can-t e7uals ;won-t- or

;choose not-. 6henever you ,nd yourself

saying can-t# you !ean you won-t# and you are

trying to pass on your responsi"ility to so!e

!ythical "eing. ou are also li!iting yourself

and playing into your fears.


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ou !ay have not ran a !ile "efore and !ay

"e scared of failing in your atte!pt to achieve

your goal so you say that it is i!possi"le for

you to run a !ile. How can you say you

cannot run a !ile when you haven-t

atte!pted to do it/ Re!e!"er what we

"elieve we can do is not a true reBection ofwhat we really can do. i!iting voca"ulary

"reeds li!iting "ehaviour which "reeds

li!iting "eliefs. However# li!iting "eliefs are

not truths and when you change your

voca"ulary and use e!powering voca"ulary

your actions change and that change creates

far !ore e!powering "eliefs. 'f you said= ;'

haven-t ran a !ile as of yet "ut ' intend to do

it and will continue to do it until ' achieve it-

how do you thin( your actions will "e/ $hey

will support your choice of words. Re!e!"er

to say ;can- instead of cannot and possi"le

instead of i!possi"le. $he negative use of

!odal operators of possi"ility causes you toli!it yourself and to tell yourself that you

can-t when you can. +uccessful people have a

;can do- attitude. 'f you want to "e successful


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you !ust "e a can doer

Mo'!+ o.!&to&s o# !%!ssit*

$hese words tend to refer to a past failing or

an inco!plete action in the past. $hey tend to

indicate a degree of regret and in so!e cases

a sense of failure. $hey also are used as a wayto create excuses and :usti,cations for

negative "ehaviours. @eople use these

operators to "la!e so!e unseen rule or

invisi"le power.

+hould

+houldn-t

*ught


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5or exa!ple& a person says that he should

have "een a diligent student. 6hen as(ed

why/ He replies God (nows or !any reasons.

6hy doesn-t he as( God for the answer then/

6hat does ;!any reasons- !ean/ How a"out

rather than la!enting a"out his past failings#

or !a(ing excuses# get up and "eco!e adiligent student. ou can ;should- all day "ut it

will not resolve whatever you ;should- a"out

ou need to stop using ;should- and ta(e

responsi"ility. 6hen so!eone says ;' should

have gone to town- it !eans ;' chose not to go

to town and ' now have realised that it would

have "een "etter for !e to have gone-. 'f you

tell yourself ;' (now ' should have wor(ed

hard and ' didn-t- you !ean it would have

"een "etter that you did. Guess what# it still

would "e "etter if you got o your "ehind and

wor(ed harder. +uccessful people don-t spend

their ti!e ;shoulding- all over the place they

clean up whatever !ess they !ade in the past"y acting proactively. $hey don-t tal( a"out it

they get on with it. +top ;shoulding- all over

and clean up your life "y using cleaner


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language and acting proactively. 'f you (now

you should have done so!ething then do it or

forget a"out it.

T$! 1!&/ to /!


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$he ver" to "e is the !ost used ver" in the

)nglish language. 't can have a positive or

negative eect depending on the user.

nfortunately# as !any people tend to spend

!ore of their life using language negatively

they use the ver" ;to "e- to their detri!ent. '

have watched parents on nu!erous occasionspollute their children-s !inds with negative

i!ages using the ver" ;to "e F negative

description-. +tate!ents such as ;you are too

rude-# ;you are "ad- or ;you are stupid- and

!any !ore all indoctrinate our children to

"elieve that rudeness# "adness and stupidity

are their character. $here are adults who

suer fro! low self>estee! "ecause their

parents# elders and peers descri"ed the!

negatively in their youth. 6hat they don-t

(now is that they !ay do wrong# act

ignorantly or stupidly however wrong>doing#

ignorance and stupidity are not their "eing.

$hey were not "orn stupid or rude or "ad.


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6e li!it ourselves when we use the ver" ;to

"e- negatively to descri"e ourselves "ased on

our actions. 'f you failed in school then you

failed in school. 't does not !ean you are

failure. 5ailure is not your "eing.

'f you choose to use the ver" ;to "e- todescri"e your actions as your "eing# it would

"e !ore productive to use the ver" to

descri"e yourself positively. 'f you are good at

writing then tell yourself ;' a! a good writer-.

'f you are a good !otivator then tell yourself

;' a! a good !otivator-. 'f you descri"e

yourself positively long enough your !ind

creates the conditions to "eco!e that which

you tell it. +o if you do choose to descri"e

yourself as a certain type of person# let that

person "e so!eone productive# positive and

"ene,cial to your well>"eing.

(&o/+!0 1s? C$++!-!


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)very hu!an "eing will face challenges in his

or her life fro! "irth until death. Challenges

help us to grow and learn. However !any

people act as if challenges should not exist

and actually act as if they are not a part of life

and actively atte!pt to avoid the!. $hese

people descri"e o"stacles in their lives as;pro"le!s-. However# successful people

descri"e o"stacles as challenges that can "e

overco!e. $hin( a"out it# if you have a

pro"le! you descri"e it as so!ething

negative. 't is so!ething you do not

particularly want to deal with. ow# if you

change the word pro"le! to challenge it

changes how you respond to it. A challenge is

so!ething you descri"e as positive. 't is

so!ething you want to overco!e# so!ething

you want to win.


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A lady ' (now was having pro"le!s at wor(

with a !e!"er of sta who! she thought

didn-t li(e her and was under!ining her. '

dared her to ta(e up the challenge to

overco!e it. ' as(ed if they spo(e to which

she replied air!atively. ' as(ed what she

(new a"out her to which she replied verylittle. +he (new that her colleague was very

organised and disciplined at wor(. ' as(ed !y

friend whether she was organised at wor(.

+he replied that her des( was untidy# covered

with paper and "oo(s. ' dared her to tidy her

des( and (eep it tidy for a few days to test !y

assu!ption.


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Mu%4* M!t.$o&s


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;ife is crap-. 6hy don-t you clean it up/

4leach wor(s wonders

;' a! alive-. ' can see that. 6hat are you

doing with your life to !a(e it "etter/

;' have the world on !y shoulders-. $a(e it o

and let it spin in space where it is !eant to

"e. $hen you will have !ore ti!e and energyto do things that i!prove your 7uality of life.

;ife is a struggle# "attle-.


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;'-! winning-. ou would feel a !uch stronger

sense of success and act !ore con,dently.

%o you get the drift/ +tart paying attention to

the !etaphors you use and change the

negative ones to positive# e!powering ones.

G!!&+istios


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Generalisations are assu!ptions# which

destroy co!!unication "etween people.


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'n !y younger days when wo!en would say to

!e ;all you !en are the sa!e- ' would

respond ;you !ust "e very ancient and

popular with guys to (now every !an that has

existed since the "eginning of ti!e/ ou !ust

"e so!ewhat of a ti!e traveller


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6ords such as always# never# every# all and

none (nown as universal 7uanti,ers are

words we use every day to !a(e

generalisations.

;ou never ta(e !e out- even though her

partner too( her out three wee(s ago

;ou always say that- even though he hasn-tseen her for a !onth

;All wo!en are the sa!e- ' wish !y partner

were Halle 4erry

$he exa!ples a"ove are exa!ples of poor

co!!unication where the spea(er !a(es a

state!ent without suicient facts. $he

state!ents are false as there are always

exceptions. $he sooner we understand that it

is !ore productive for us to refrain fro!

generalisations in order to i!prove our

co!!unication "etween each other# the

sooner we would rid the world of so !uch

ignorance and pre:udice.

5oul language can hinder you How foul is

your language/


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YOUR LIFE

E2!&%is! 6 : L!& to %&!t! .ositi1!

0!t.$o&s


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Analyse the !etaphors that you use on a daily

"asis. Are they supporting you or destroying

you. 'f they are negative !etaphors start to

change the!. Go inside of the!# play with

the!# change parts of the !etaphor "y

!a(ing the! !ore positive and notice how it

changes how you feel. 'f you descri"e life as astruggle descri"e it as a :ourney. A :ourney is

far !ore interesting and exciting than a

struggle and you notice !ore things along the

way. 'f you do descri"e experiences#

relationships and "ehaviours with negative

!etaphors "egin to play with the !etaphors.

6hen people say life is PPPP ' will as( the!

;how "ad does it s!ell/- and ;where is it/- '

will also tell the! to clean up the !ess and

as( the! whether they are not asha!ed to

live such a dirty life. ' a! challenging the! to

ta(e control of their life and change the

!etaphorical landscape. Re!e!"er your

!etaphors represent how you see yourselfand your life so create !etaphors that can

help you rather restrict and li!it you.


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E2!&%is! 9 7 Us! t$! 1!&/ to /! to $!+.

*ou ot su..&!ss *ou

+top using the ver" ;"e- to descri"e any

negative 7ualities a"out yourself and start

using it to descri"e every positive 7uality that

you can thin( a"out. 'f you have ever acted

char!ingly write down ;' a! char!ing-. ouwill no longer descri"e any negative ha"its as

7ualities fro! now onwards. ou will descri"e

the! as actions in the present tense. ou will

say ;' a! acting stupidly- rather than ;' a!

stupid-. Re!e!"er unless you act stupidly

consistently for 2Q hours you cannot descri"e

yourself as stupid. 't is a te!porary action

even if you annoy people for a few hours

E2!&%is! < : T4! %$&-! o# *ou& +i#! /*

s*i- I %$oos! ot to &t$!& t$ I

%t


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Jow to say ;' choose not to- rather than ;'

cannot- this is a great way for you to gain a

greater sense of control over your life and

ta(e responsi"ility for your actions. 't will also

open new opportunities in dierent areas of

your life as you discover and ,nd new ways to

overco!e o"stacles and challenges which youwould have avoided in the past "y saying ;'

can-t-.

E2!&%is! = : Us! t$! wo&' 'o &t$!& t$

t&*

$hin( a"out so!ething you have "een trying

to do right now. Have you done the thing that

you have "een trying to achieve/ 's the

answer no/ How did ' guess/ 't is only when

you tell yourself that you will do it and

actually do it that you achieve your desired

ai!. +top ;trying- fro! now on and do. otice

when you tell yourself you will do so!ething#

how dierent it feels and sounds. %oers are!ore con,dent and far !ore successful than

those who try. 6henever you want to do

so!ething don-t try it do it instead.


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E2!&%is! : Sto. $i'i- /!$i' !2%us!s

/* &!#&ii- #&o0 s*i- I s$ou+'

4egin to "eco!e !ore !indful of your daily

use of the word should in a positive sentence

and change it to ;choose not to-. 5or exa!ple&

;' should have eaten healthily today- ischanged to ;' choose not to eat healthily

today-. Change the word ;should not- in a

negative sentence to ;choose-. 5or exa!ple& ;'

should not have eaten all that chocolate- is

changed to ;' choose to eat all that chocolate-.

ou will soon realise how often you use should

to :ustify your negative ha"its and as an

excuse.

E2!&%is! : Sto. -!!&+isi- '

/!%o0! 0o&! o.! 0i'!'


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$he ai! of this exercise is to help you to

"eco!e !ore !indful of your generalisations.

Generalisations li!it you and are the vital

ingredients in creating a pre:udice# racist and

sexist !ind. ist the generalisations that you

have accepted over the years and as( yourself

;'s this really true/ %o ' have all the evidenceto actually prove this is true/- otice what

chain of events happen in your !ind and what

new 7uestions and thoughts arise. Challenge

your childhood stereotypes of others and

notice how your !ind shifts.

+o!e of the worst generalisations in society

are&

;4lac(s are la8y- > $his is clearly false as there

are !any hard wor(ing "lac( people on the

planet.

;6o!en are not as co!petent as !en- I

nonsense 'f we loo( at what !en as a group

have done to the planet through wars# corrupt

govern!ents and sexis! we could say that!en are less co!petent than wo!en even

though it would also "e a generalisation "ased

on li!ited evidence.


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;6atch out for the


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HOW NEGATIVE LANGUAGE DESTROYS

YOUR LIFE


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A young lady#


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re7uire!ents for so !any dierent careers.

+he was also a very loving !other who

!anaged her ho!e environ!ent very

successfully. +he therefore also possessed

good ti!e !anage!ent and organisational

s(ills. 5or exa!ple&


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140/531

'f you thin( that you do not (now what to do

with your life then you have pro"a"ly not

thought enough a"out your needs# desires#

s(ills# experience and (nowledge. ncertainty

aKicts all of us at so!e point in our lives

however those who are successful see( to

clear the veil of dou"t with deter!ination andaction. nsuccessful people allow the!selves

to "eco!e engulfed "y uncertainty# as they do

!ost things# and allow it to wash their drea!s

and desires away. $he (ey to discovering what

you want to do in life is to ,rst vow to yourself

that you will ,nd the answers you need#

second that you will continue to search for

the! until you ,nd the! and ,nally you will

as( e!powering 7uestions and avoid excuses.

'f you follow this for!ula you will ,nd the

solution to your dou"ts.


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What am I good at? What skills,

experience and knowledge do I possess?

Co!!unicating# writing# helping others#

coo(ing# co!puters# art# analysing# planning#

organising# pro"le! solving# wor(ing with

others# travelling# foreign languages# well

versed in history# psychology# poetry etc

What would I like to be good at?

Co!puters#


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Where can I go to learn the relevant

information, skills and gain the relevant

experience?

ou can learn fro! 5riends# fa!ily# wor(# the

createspace basic template - 5 x 8

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