crossings online workbook information - lifeline child€¦ · the child is unaware that he is...

© 2012 Lifeline Children’s Services, Inc.

Crossings Online Workbook Information

Your Crossings journey has only begun! To assist you in processing all of the information you have

heard and to help you individualize the training material, your family will be required to complete

the Crossings Workbook. In order to receive your Crossings Certificate (a requirement prior to

being granted permission to travel), you are required to fill out and send in your Crossings

Workbook within one month of your participation in the online Crossings Training.

Crossings Certificates

The steps you will need to take once completing the workbook are as follows:

-Watch the videos on the Lifeline website

-Discuss your answers with your spouse

- Complete the workbook together (only one workbook per family is needed)

- Write in the name of your country’s caseworker below on this form:

_____________________________________________

-Submit your completed Crossings Workbook via email to

[email protected]

-After your workbook has been submitted, you will receive your Crossings

Certificate via email. A copy will be entered into your file.

Accessing Crossings Online

Lifeline wishes for your family to also have access to the online Crossings videos to reflect on or

watch again in the future as needed. Many families watch the material again before travel. Please

keep in mind that you are prohibited from sharing the link and password for the online version of

Crossings with anyone, under any circumstances. This information is for your personal use

ONLY! The online version of the Crossings Training for international adoptive parents can be

found by:

-Go to: lifelinechild.org/crossings-training/

-Password: lifelinecrossings

mailto:[email protected]

http://lifelinechild.org/crossings-training/


[PART 1: WHERE YOUR CHILD BEGAN] CHAPTER 1: The Ideal World In the “Ideal World” a child expresses the need and the need is lovingly and quickly met by the parent. The child is unaware that he is learning to trust and attach. When the Attachment Cycle is met hundreds of times and in many healthy ways, it just seems natural to the child. It is an innate response; created by God to prepare the child for healthy emotional adjustment and attachment. Why doesn’t this response come from the child once the adoptive parents are introduced into his life? How long does it take for a child to develop trust in adoptive parents? What are some creative ways to say “no” to a child who needs to hear “yesses” during the first couple of years home?

CHAPTER 2: A Different World Pick two of the following and describe how the following risk factors effect development. Please denote your choice and response in the space below:

A. Difficult pregnancy, including maternal abuse and stress

B. Difficult delivery, including independent delivery

C. Early hospitalization

D. Neglect (“You don’t exist”)

E. Abuse (“I don’t like you”)

F. Trauma Choice 1: Choice 2:


CHAPTER 3: As a Result… Behavioral Implications: Overtime, you can literally change your child’s brain. Why do the following techniques help to create new neural pathways (pick three of the six)?

Repetition: Routine: Relationships: Consistency/follow-through: Dependability: Trust:


[PART 2: MEDICAL SPECIAL NEEDS] How would your family’s lifestyle and marriage be impacted by adopting a child with medical or emotional special needs? How will your lives change? Are your children prepared for these changes? Describe your support groups and give specific ways that each will be able to assist

Family: Friends/Neighbors: Church: Lifeline: Community Resources: Extended Community Resources (blogs, internet relationships):


[PART 3: WHAT ABOUT YOU?] CHAPTER 1: Attachment Styles What we know about adoptive parents: A. You need to come to terms with your own history to be able to see your child’s behavior “clearly.” B. The most important predictor of your child’s outcome is whether or not you can be emotionally present. C. If you haven’t dealt with your own “stuff,” you can’t help your child deal with his or hers. D. If your perceptions aren’t healthy and accurate, you can’t help your child overcome his or her own inaccurate perceptions. E. Connected children learn their strategies from their connected parents. Of the four attachment styles, which most closely describes your parents, yourself, and your spouse? (Please check in table below. Choose one attachment style of each person): Secure: These adults are present and can help Avoidant: May meet physical needs of the child, but not emotionally present Ambivalent: Inconsistent Disorganized: Sometimes abusive or has experienced significant trauma

Husband:

Your Mother Your Father You Your Spouse

Secure

Avoidant

Ambivalent

Disorganized

Wife:

Your Mother Your Father You Your Spouse

Secure

Avoidant

Ambivalent

Disorganized

What we know: A. Children learn how to attach from their parents.

B. Only about 15% of adoptive parents are securely attached.

C. Attachment style does not correlate with whether a person is “good” or “bad.”

D. Seeing the pain that children have experienced reminds the parent of his or her own wounds and creates a barrier for help, if the parent’s wounds aren’t healed.

E. You can become a nurturing, compassionate parent even if you did not have a nurturing, compassionate parent!


[PART 4: A SENSORY WORLD] CHAPTER 1: Making Sense Out of Senses

We know that attachment and sensory input are directly connected, because we learn to attach through our senses. Children who appear to have attachment difficulties were often also sensory deprived. They do not know how to interpret and then respond to sensory information correctly. Therefore, we have children with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) or sensory processing difficulties/issues. How can your understanding of SPD impact the road to attachment for your child? How do reactions to sensory overload appear to be defiant behaviors? How do reactions to sensory overload appear to be attachment “issues?”

Your family may need to attend many therapy or doctor appointments once home. How can you

pull in your support people to help you accomplish your very long list of responsibilities?


[PART 5: EMPOWERING, CONNECTING & CORRECTING PRINCIPLES]

Empowering Principles: TBRI ® What are some empowering principles that help lay the foundation for change and set your child up for success? Success will not follow a one-dimensional approach (looking at behavior alone). Parents have to

look at the child holistically. Observation has to be multi-dimensional. Describe the holistic

approach. What are some things to consider as you look at your child through the multidimensional

approach?

Connecting Principles: TBRI ® Make deposits, so that you can make some withdrawals later. Pick two of the following “deposits”

that might be the most challenging for you and list creative ways to make each deposit. Please

denote your choice (“activity”) in your response below.

ACTIVITY GOAL

Connecting through play Demonstrate that you mean no harm

Make eye contact Eye contact changes brain chemistry

Match your child Says “I understand what you think/feel”

Respect the child’s need for personal space They know that they are heard and are less defensive; they feel safe

Set the bar for success To demonstrate that the child can succeed

Praise your child often Personal value is established

Safe touch Establish trust

Give voice to your child Substitute misbehavior with effective words

Celebrate your child’s need Only an expressed need can be met

Follow through with promises Missing promises

Choice 1: Choice 2:


Correcting Principles: TBRI® Why don’t lectures work with children who come from a difficult past? Why does “think it over” help diffuse the situation?

Correction should be directed toward the behavior and not the child. How will you use the following

tools to assist with the correction of your child?

A. Offering choices to give your child a voice

B. Using compromises

C. Think It Over time

D. Re-do’s

E. Considering developmental age verses chronological age

Note: Congratulations on completing the Crossings Workbook & Trainings!

Please be sure to follow the instructions of your Crossings Leader (if attending

the live training) or on the website (if watching online) in order to receive your

Crossings Certificate.


[BONUS CHAPTER, OPTIONAL] This section should be taken home and used as a prompter to develop more conversations with

your family in regards to preparations and considerations.

Where Your Child Began

What are practical and creative ways to teach trust, attachment and security? How have you instilled these things in children you are currently parenting? Brain/neurological biochemistry events that happen when a child experiences a traumatic past negatively affect the formation of age-appropriate behaviors, levels of attachment, interactions with other people and perspective on the world. Define-

A. Chronological age:

B. Developmental age:

Contrast physical, emotional, and cognitive development in a ten year old adopted internationally versus a ten year old raised in a home with biological parents. How can you assist a child whose brain chemistry puts him at a disadvantage for healthy attachment and adjustment? (Keep in mind that the post-institutionalized child can be delayed behaviorally and emotionally by up to half his or her chronological age).


Behavioral Issues and the Family Dynamic What behaviors would be surprising, but possible? Really reach for hard-to-imagine behaviors. One of the most common stressors in the post-adoption phase and a common denominator in dissolutions is the relationship between the adoptee(s) and the siblings. Name each of your children and his/her age. Describe each child’s personality and “buttons” that

when pushed get strong reactions.

CHILD AGE DESCRIPTION

How will the behavior of the newly adopted child push these buttons?


Medical What is your short-term plan for caring for the physical needs of a child with medical special needs? Will mom/dad have flexibility at work? What is the long-term care plan for the child when the child reaches adulthood? Have you included your children in discussions about long term care?

Attachment: Reflection: Considering the attachment style of your parents and your own history, what from your past could serve as a trigger or hindrance to your attaching and bonding to your child? Examples: Your own past experience of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, feelings of rejection from a parent, divorced parents, rigid authoritative parents, parents with high expectations of achievement. If you have identified a possible trigger, then list the steps you have taken or need to take to come

to a place of healing before you move forward with your adoption. If you have questions or need

assistance with this, please contact your Lifeline social worker.

Sensory: Pick one of these sensory issues and write down as many words as you can to express how that might feel emotionally and physically. Please denote the letter of the sensory issue next to your response. A. All of your clothing bothers you all the time, yet you get into trouble when you take your shirt off.

B. Your shoes hurt your feet all of the time, yet you get in trouble when you take your shoes off.

C. Every color appears to be bright neon shining directly into your face and you can’t get rid of the colors.

D. You bump into objects all the time because you can’t judge your special relationship to objects around you. Sometimes you get into trouble when you break things.


In the space below, make out a schedule for the day that, in addition to your other non-negotiable activities, allows for the following to be incorporated into a typical day at home for you and your child: Child’s Activities: Your activities: Snack every two hours Self-care for you Downtime every two hours Solace/journaling time Physical activity every two hours Time with your other children Healthy touch exercises Getting to the grocery store Teaching a regulating skill Getting to necessary appointment (i.e. physical therapy) Getting the laundry done Meal preparation Spending time alone with your spouse

Discipline Describe the behavior of a child who may have experienced the following types of discipline in an institutionalized setting: No discipline: Harsh discipline: Physical/corporal discipline: Withholding food: Withholding physical contact:


Discuss how damaging it is to the post-institutionalized child to continue to receive harsh treatment

(whether this is real or imagined by the child) from adoptive parents. Reflect on the emotions that

harsh treatment would evoke within the child:

Why does each of the following discipline methods NOT work with the post-institutionalized child?

Time out: Shame (“You should know better than that!”- “I can’t take you anywhere!”): Comparisons with other children in the home (“Just look at Jessica, she would never do that!”): “Act your age”: Threaten to dissolve (“I wish we had never brought you home!”):

Describe the family dynamic when the biological/previously adopted children will be disciplined in

ways that are different from the newly arrived adoptee:

crossings online workbook information - lifeline child€¦ · the child is unaware that he is...

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