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1/8/2015 The Argonaut – A Pants Holderupper — Fashion for your waistband
http://www.uiargonaut.com/2014/09/11/apantsholderupperfashionforyourwaistband/ 1/5
Submitted by Cy Whitling on 09.11.2014 – 10:01 pm
Home » Rawr, Reviews
A Pants Holderupper — Fashion for your waistband
It’s time for another nonconventional review, last time I covered my personified car, thistime I am going to the other extreme and write about my belt.
My belt, unlike my car, does not have a name, not a name like Roxanne at least. The people who make my belt, Arcade Belts, call it “TheHemingway,” which is a fine name for a belt.
I rate my belts on four distinct characteristics. These, listed in no particular order are: style, comfort, ability to keep up pants and generaladventureworthiness.
Let’s start out with style. My female relatives will probably tell you that I have either no style or very bad style. Be that as it may, this belt isabsolutely oozing with style. This belt is classy, no crazy colors, no shiny buckles, just simple, understated, timeless good looks. This is a belt thatdresses for the job it wants, not the job it has. This is the kind of belt that is equally as comfortable in a VIP area as it is on a V4 boulderingproblem. It goes with just about anything, and never draws unwanted attention to your waist.
I give the Hemingway four missed belt loops out of four for style.
Along with looking good, it is also important for a belt to feel good. The Hemingway’s manufacturers say it was designed with comfort as apriority — and you can feel it.
The Hemingway is made out of elastic that the manufactures claim makes all your pants feel like sweatpants. I don’t particularly like the feel ofsweatpants, but the Hemingway does make my pants noticeably more comfortable.
The belt stretches with me when I try to do flexible things, and never tightens uncomfortably when I get myself into awkward situations. Itfeatures a flat plastic buckle that stays out of the way. I have tested the buckle in a number of situations that mostly involved me crashing hard onmy bike or skis and I have never suffered from the bruises other belt buckles gave my belly.
Five out of five belly bruises for the Hemingway on the comfort scale.
Sometimes we forget that our belts are supposed to be doing something for us, we aren’t just paying them to sit around and look pretty. The mostimportant attribute of any belt is its ability to keep up pants. The Hemingway does this admirably.
I have never suffered from premature pants loss while wearing the Hemingway. It keeps my pants comfortably centered around my waist, andnever lets my pants ride up and eat my navel.
The Hemingway scores three out of three on the premature pants loss scale.
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Finally, the true test of any equipment is how it performs outdoors. Overall the Hemingway dominates on the general outdoorsiness scale. It doesnot show dirt or wear, it is machine washable and its stretchy nature lends it to a plethora of unintended uses.
If you are looking for a belt that can be used as a slingshot, a tourniquet, a bungee jumping rope, a tie down strap and a giant rubber band to snapyour roommates with, look no further. The Hemingway excels in all of these roles and more.
The only downside of the Hemingway is also related to its elastic construction. If you try to carry anything heavy on your belt (a walkietalkie, agun, small children) the belt stretches and sags and leaves you with a radio, weapon or child bouncing and smacking your thigh with every step.This isa tradeoff I will readily take since the percentage of time I spend carrying one of those things is small.
The Hemingway scores four out of five bruised roommates for general outdoorsiness.
All in all the Arcade Hemingway is a rather incredible belt. This is the only belt I know that can keep up with me on the ski slopes and the dancefloor. It is truly a belt that deserves a review.
Cy Whitling can be reached at arg[email protected]
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1/8/2015 The Argonaut – Roxanne’s Review
http://www.uiargonaut.com/2014/08/22/roxannesreview/ 1/5
Submitted by Cy Whitling on 08.22.2014 – 11:18 am
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Roxanne’s Review
Roxanne by Cy Whitling
This is a review of my car. I know you are probably used to reading reviews of books, movies, even music. I am here to give you something totallydifferent. I think my car deserves to be reviewed. She has just as much character and story as any movie.
My car’s name is Roxanne. She is a 2001 Subaru Outback, green, with ski racks and a lot of stickers. Extensive research has determined that mostimportant attributes of a car are: reliability, utility, ability to defeat rugged terrain and image, so those are what we will cover in this review.
Let’s start with reliability, as this also ties into how Roxanne got her name. Roxanne only has 133,000 miles on her. This June I drove her 10 hoursto Red Lodge, Montana to cover the Beartooth Summer Session. Up until this point Roxanne had been relatively reliable. She performed well onthe way to Red Lodge, coping adequately with Montana’s high speed limits and her cargo of smelly ski bums.
Three hours into the drive home, disaster struck and Roxanne earned her name.
The setting: a small hill just east of Bozeman Montana. The soundtrack: Roxanne by The Police. The players: myself, another skier, an artist and agood Samaritan who only identified himself as “Fresh.”
As we crested the hill, traveling at about 95mph The Police wailed at Roxanne not to “turn on that red light.” As fate would have it my Roxannechose to turn on her red light at that very moment — the “check engine” light, to be exact. A series of loud, grating noises later and we werestranded with a blown engine. It is hard for three guys who haven’t showered in four days to get help on the side of the road but the series ofmiracles that got us home that day deserves its own story.
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Roxanne used to score high on the reliability scale. Now, I am not so sure. A friend and I put a new engine in her and I don’t know how much Itrust my own work. For now Roxanne scores one broken piston out of four for reliability.
On to Utility. Roxanne was purchased primarily for her utility. With her seats folded down she makes a great camper. She sleeps one ski bum verycomfortably and stays warm, even in the dead of winter. Her capacity can be stretched to two but I would only recommend that if you are reallygood friends with the other guy and if the Walmart parking lot you are sleeping in turns out to be way sketchier than you thought.
Roxanne has hauled countless feet of lumber on her rack and a plethora of other construction materials in her cavernous posterior. Roxanne scoresfive air fresheners out of five for utility.
As a long time pickup truck driver, an important aspect of any vehicle I purchase is Ability to Defeat Rugged Terrain. Roxanne is allwheel drive,she has decent ground clearance and she doesn’t balk at mud.
I have only ever gotten Roxanne stuck once and that was purely driver error. You can’t really expect any car to pull itself out of a snow bank thatreaches higher than the windows. Roxanne scores four out of four bald tires for Ability to Defeat Rugged Terrain.
Finally we reach our last and most important attribute, Image. Some people buy cars based simply on Image. I personally think most of thosepeople are lame but that is irrelevant.
In Moscow I sometimes struggle with the image my Subaru gives me. I feel like I should have a “Coexist” sticker and eat more organic food.
Is it OK to be a conservative, progun, prologging male and drive a Subaru Outback? Is it ok to drive a Subaru and shop at Walmart? Can I drivea Subaru to go deer hunting with my brother? These are the questions that strain my relationship with, Roxanne.
In a liberal town like Moscow I sometimes feel like I am betraying the stereotype my car gives me, but put me anywhere skiers, climbers or bikersgather and I feel right at home. In a parking lot full of muddy, stickered up Subarus packed full of smelly people who love the mountains Roxannefits right in. Four out of five liberal bumper stickers for image.
Now that we have completed this scientific review process it should be clear that Roxanne is a worthy and valiant vehicle. What she lacks inreliability and image she makes up for in utility and character. Hopefully I have made an honest woman out of her and she never needs to turn onthat red light again.
Cy Whitling can be reached at arg[email protected]
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1/8/2015 The Argonaut – Sandals with swag
http://www.uiargonaut.com/2014/10/02/sandalswithswagastoryofonemansbirkenstocks/ 1/5
Submitted by Cy Whitling on 10.02.2014 – 8:27 pm
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Sandals with swag
A story of one man’s Birkenstocks
It’s easy to take shoes for granted. Often, we assume they will just keep doing their job. We literally walk all over them and never think twiceabout it. This complacency we have with our footwear means that when we come across something truly remarkable in the shoe department itdeserves recognition and praise.
I have finally found such a product. It’s a footwear creation so wonderful I sometimes wonder if it was delivered from some mystic mountaintopby flowing haired Valkyries. It’s a shoe so exceptional that every morning I want to do a little dance as I slip my feet into them. What shoes causesuch irrational behavior? My Birkenstock sandals.
I judge my footwear on four separate criteria. Listed in no real order they are: comfort, durability, utility and style.
Most important is comfort. Give me a shoe as utilitarian, durable and stylish as you please, but if it doesn’t make my foot feel like baby seals aremassaging it, I probably won’t be interested. My Birkenstocks offer comfort, support and cushioning at the VIP platinum level.
They are more supportive than any other shoe I have, even with a custom insole. They broke in quickly to my feet and molded into little custompillows for each of my toes. The Birkenstocks win five out of five happy toes for comfort.
On to durability. I am reasonably hard on my shoes. I use tons of different shoes for different purposes, so I subject these sandals to a lot of use. Inthe two months since I bought them, I have worn them approximately 50 days, which is quite a bit of time spent in a pair of shoes, especiallyconsidering that almost all of my travel is done by bike or foot.
My Birkenstocks have held up reasonably well. The cork sole is getting chipped up and the leather is scuffed, but that is kind of the point ofleather, isn’t it? I am a little worried about the sole breaking up, so I give them three out of four scuffed leather straps for durability.
Second only to comfort is utility. As I mentioned earlier, I use these shoes for just about everything. I bike several miles per day in them. I wearthem to class, in the car on the way to the mountains and around the campfire.
In general, my Birkenstocks are reasonably good at being utilized. They are very good biking shoes. The stiff sole and ample support mean theywin out over the skate shoes I used to bike in. Their breathability is unparalleled, which means they produce less stinky feet.
Paired with a good pair of wool socks, these sandals do a decent job in the mountains. You don’t want to hike 18 miles to a remote peak in these,but if you need to leave the campfire to answer nature’s call and don’t feel like putting your stinky boots back on, these do the job just fine. Theyscore a solid four stubbed toes out of five for utility.
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Finally is the controversial subject of style. I can’t claim to have good style. In fact, most of my female relatives would maintain the opposite. Still,I think the Birkenstocks dominate the style scene, and my mom actually agrees. We all know socks and sandals is a bad stereotype, but wow doesit feel good.
I think socks and sandals is the only way to take advantage of a rad pair of socks. After all, if you wear normal shoes, half of the sock is hidden.Birkenstocks showcase your socks while providing the kind of sophistication only oiled leather can bring. Two wool socks out of two for style.
My Birkenstocks allow me to stand head and shoulders over the competition. They give my feet the comfort they need while offering a rugged andtimeless style.
Cy Whitling can be reached at arg[email protected]
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1/8/2015 The Argonaut – Sandals with swag
http://www.uiargonaut.com/2014/10/02/sandalswithswagastoryofonemansbirkenstocks/ 3/5
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