deliciously scared
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September 2013 FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
TIPS >>> PONDER THIS
HELP KIDS OVERCOME FEARS
As young people head back to the classroom, some pretty significant fears
are accompanying them. According to ad agency JWT, 78% of U.S. teenag-
ers say they’re worried whether there will be good jobs after graduation, 69%
are worried about doing well in school, and 67% are worried about which
college will accept them. Combined with other top adolescent fears (see “The
View”), that amounts to a lot of baggage to lug around.
To help relieve academic stress, experts recommend that parents take the fol-
lowing steps: Discuss your expectations; assure kids you’re proud of them
when they try their best, no matter the outcome; stay involved, showing in-
terest in their classes and activities; be available to help and talk when need-
ed; and watch for sudden declines in academic performance, which may indi-
cate a learning disorder or emotional distress.
Beyond the classroom, help teens conquer fears by offering these reminders:
FEAR can stand for False Evidence Appearing Real. Don’t let the devil
conjure up “what ifs” that won’t come close to reality.
When you’re paralyzed by fear, you won’t be able to live up to your God-
given potential.
Rely on God’s Word, which has the power to break through our fears and
will show us how to handle them with wisdom and strength.
THE VIEW Here are more stats about U.S. teen-
agers’ top fears:
The condition of the planet left
to their generation (64%)
How their parents are doing fi-
nancially (63%)
Real-world bullying (57%)
How attractive they are to oth-
ers (52%)
Doing well in sports and extra-
curricular activities (50%)
How popular they are at school
(46%)
Online bullying (43%)
How many friends they have
(39%)
Keeping up with other kids their
age (36%)
—JTW
What would you say are
your teenagers’ top fears,
and why? What attempts at
offering reassurance seem
effective or ineffective?
What causes you the most
anxiety, and how do you
tend to cope with stress?
How can you remember to
turn your fears over to God?
Although God tells us to
“fear” (or respect) him, he doesn’t
want us to be consumed by a spir-
it of fear. Here are some ways to
get a grip on our fears:
Distinguish between healthy and
unhealthy fear. Take time to get to
the bottom of whether your fear is
flowing from a positive or negative
source.
Decide to surrender unhealthy fear
through trusting Jesus more. Many
damaging fears that linger in our lives
are the result of a lack of faith. We
hold on to them because we subcon-
sciously think Jesus won’t be able to
take care of them properly.
Do a few things that will cause you
to confront your fears. Talking with
a trusted friend or mentor, taking risks in those areas of fear, and laying fears
down at Jesus’ feet can bring freedom
from negative thoughts.
Write down or memorize some
Scriptures. Verses such as He-
brews 13:5-6 and 1 Peter 5:7 will help you trust God’s promises when
fears and anxieties creep into your
mind.
Make wise statements and decisions
to help you avoid fears. The book of
Proverbs advises Christians to use
wisdom, sound judgment, and dis-cernment. Repeat these statements to
overcome fears:
“I am not alone.”
“I don’t have to live in fear.”
“I can make wise choices.”
BIBLE FOCUS “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strength-en you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. … For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”
Isaiah 41:10, 13
DELICIOUSLY SCARED Expert Insights for Parents of Teenagers
By Steve Merritt
RESOURCE
Ever been deliciously scared? Think of late-night campfire stories that
make the hairs on the back of your
neck stand on end. When we’re on
high alert, we feel strangely alive—especially when we’re scaring our-
selves.
Manufactured fears actually help us
feel in control in our fear-permeated
world. Because we’re petrified of genuine fear, we tend to create it,
personally and as a culture. Scaring
ourselves helps us stay one step
ahead of potential monsters in the dark. Fear and control are indelibly
linked.
First John 4:18 (NIV) says, “There is
no fear in love. But perfect love
drives out fear.” Some writers say that in the New Testament, the opposite of
love isn’t hate but fear. When we relate
out of fear, it’s hard to love because
fear likes control but love doesn’t. When we parent out of fear, we try to
control kids. During adolescence, fear
takes root as teenagers understand more, see more, feel more, and want
more. This is fertile soil for fear and
battles over control.
In counseling, one form of manufac-
tured fear is “awfulizing.” That’s when
thoughts gravitate to the worst-case scenario. Like the young person with a
sprained ankle who asks, “Doc, when
do you have to amputate?” we jump to what we fear most so as not to be
caught off-guard.
That sounds foolish, but we all get caught up in some form of awfulizing at times.
Manufactured fear and awfulizing almost
always take us toward control. And control takes us away from love. Confronting our
fears is the first step back toward love—
and toward the loving God who tells us to “fear not.”
Discuss these questions with your kids: How does our culture (both secular and
Christian) scare itself?
What are some ways you see people
awfulizing? How do you do it? In what ways is fear the opposite of
love? How are fear and control con-
nected, and what’s the result?
In the downloadable resource No Fear Living (Simply Youth Ministry),
veteran youth leader Doug Fields offers four Bible-based messages about how to break free from fears. Topics include fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of commitment, and fear of the future.
MEDIA SPOTLIGHT
MAINSTREAM MUSIC
ROBIN THICKE
Background: This 36-year-old R&B singer got his start writing hits for
singers such as Brandy and Christina
Aguilera. But he’s come into his own, especially with the popularity of
the Blurred Lines album and song.
The video, of which there’s a version filled with nearly naked women, has
received criticism for being misogyn-
istic. One critic called it “kind of
rapey.” Thicke’s songs are chock-full of sex. Interestingly, he met his wife
when he was 16, and they’ve been
married since 2005.
Albums: Blurred L ines (2013), Sex
Therapy (2009), The Evolution of
Robin Thicke (2006)
What Thicke Says: “For me, nudi-ty is the least offensive thing in the
whole world. Guns, violence, war?
That’s offensive. … We’re not ogling and degrading [women]; we’re laugh-
ing and being silly with them.”
Explore: The censored version of “Blurred Lines” is available online
at: www.youtube.com/watch?
v=yyDUC1LUXSU. You can also
watch Thicke, Jimmy Fallon, and The Roots do a version here:
www.youtube.com/watch?
v=YOZjaqHioro
CHRISTIAN MUSIC
NEWSBOYS
Background: The Newsboys have been around since the mid-
’80s, but no original members
remain. They’ve stayed popular amid all the changes, including
the addition of former dc Talk
member Michael Tait as lead
singer. In the ’90s, when the Newsboys collaborated with Ste-
ve Taylor, their songs were full
of sarcasm and humor to get at the truth. The lyrics are straight-
forward now.
Albums: Restar t (2013), God’s Not Dead (2010), Adoration
(2003)
What the Newsboys Say: Lead
singer Tait says, “People will be
excited about this album because we’ve pushed the music and tak-
en it further than we’ve ever tak-
en it before. I haven’t felt this
way about anything I’ve been involved in musically since Jesus
Freak.”
Explore: You can watch the
story of “Live With Abandon”
here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E_DeBNh46U.
MOVIES
Movie: R iddick
Genre: Action, Sci-Fi
Rating: R
Synopsis: This new film in
the unexpectedly popular series finds antihero Riddick
(Vin Diesel) stranded on a
planet, fighting for his life.
Our Take: The R r ating
should be reason enough to
keep kids away. Based on the other films in the fran-
chise, this one will contain
lots of violence and lan-
guage.
Movie: Battle of the Year
Genre: Drama, Musical
Rating: Not yet rated
Synopsis: A team of danc-
ers must work together to
win back an international title for the U.S.
Our Take: Feel-good, over-
coming-obstacles movies offer temporary warm fuzz-
ies—and dance musicals
seem to be especially popu-lar. Our Take really relies
on what this is rated.
VIDEO GAMES
Diablo III—This action-RPG is making its way from the PC (where it’s been out for more than a year) to
the console. Your hero fights through randomly generated levels—facing hordes of evil creatures—until
squaring off against Diablo himself. (Rated: M; Xbox 360, PS3, PC)
Grand Theft Auto V—This open-world sandbox game was one of the first of its kind. The games are well
-made, interesting, and push the limits of storytelling. They’re also full of sex, violence, and horrible
things that you’re doing as the “hero.” (Rated: M; Xbox 360, PS3, PC)
SEPTEMBER 2013 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thurs Fri Sat
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9:45 Epic 11:15 Fusion
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