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On Our ShelfHeres a somewhat eclectic mix of books that have stuck with us over the course of our re-search. They draw from work in the fields of psychology, law, economics, decision-theorypersonality, neuroscience, and negotiation. Pick and choose as your interests lead you.

Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agree-

ment Without Giving In, by RogerFisher, Bill Ury & Bruce Patton. This is

a classic book in the field of negotia-tion and conflict resolution, from theHarvard Negotiation Project. Writtenfor professionals, it draws on exam-

ples from business, international relations, andpersonal life to show how to move from adver-sarial, positional bargaining, to joint problem-solving.

First Break All the Rules: What the

Worlds Greatest Managers Do Dif-

ferently, by Marcus Buckingham &Curt Coffman. Gallup study of100,000 employees comparing teamsthat are highly productive, satisfied

and loyal, to teams that have low productivity,morale, and high attrition. Finds that only 12questions on their survey correlate to distinguishthe two groups, most of which have to do withthe quality of relationships at work, especiallythe relationship with ones direct supervisor.

Authors stress that people dont leave organiza-tions. People leave managers.

Smart Choices: A Practical Guide to

Making Better Decisions, by JohnHammond, Ralph Keeney & HowardRaiffa. Raiffa is a pioneer in the fieldof decision trees and game theory, butalso a wonderfully grounded lecturer.Here he and his colleagues walk

through some common mistakes and recom-mendations for making sound decisions in theface of uncertainty and confused priorities.

Divide or Conquer, by Diana McLainSmith. Smith takes a rigorous look athe quality of working relationshipsamong the top executives, and the im-pact on decision-making and bottom-

line results. A must-read for anyone seriousabout understanding conflict and resilience intop executive teams.

The Seven Sins of Memory: How the

Mind Forgets and Remembers, byDaniel Schacter. A more in-depthbackground on what we know aboutmemory and its story-based systemsHelps explain why there are two (or

more!) sides to every story in difficult conversa-tions.

Mind Wide Open: Your Brain and the

Neuroscience of Everyday Life, bySteven Johnson. A very readableguide to some of the best research onhow the brain, memory, and recalworks. Johnson also subjects himself

to many of the different methods for looking atbrain activity, including fMRI, CAT scan, and bio-

feedback.The Feeling of What Happens: Body

and Emotion in the Making of Con-

sciousness, by Antonio DamasioClassic work on mental reasoning, ourtendency to impute intentions, and therole of emotions in decision-making.

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The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook, byPeter Senge, Art Kleiner, CharlotteRoberts, Rick Ross, Bryan Smith.Systems thinking, the Ladder of Infer-ence, and other crucial tools for inter-personal competence.

Getting It Done: How to Lead When

Youre Not in Charge, by RogerFisher, Alan Sharpe & John Richard-son. How to get a team onto thesame page, organize an importantdiscussion, or give feedback effec-

tively. Distinguishes between appreciation,coaching, and evaluation, and I use the problem-solving tools regularly when I facilitate groupdiscussions.

Seven Principles for Making Mar-

riage Work, by John Gottman & NanSilver. Gottman is the marriage re-searcher who has spent 25 yearswatching married couples have diffi-cult conversations and describes

what he looks for that tells him whether the rela-tionship will survive and thrive or deteriorate anddivorce. His observations hold true in profes-sional relationships as well, making this is agreat companion to Difficult Conversations.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen &

Listen so Kids Will Talk, by AdeleFaber & Elaine Mazlish. Take DifficultConversations home - this and thenext are the two books that get themost re-reading (by me) as I try to

parent well.

Siblings Without Rivalry: How to

Help Your Children Live Together So

You Can Live Too, by Adele Faber &Elaine Mazlish. Preventative advice

for fostering good relationships be-tween siblings -- and avoiding many

difficult conversations among them, and withyou - down the line.

The Cult of Personality: How Per-

sonality Tests Are Leading Us to

Miseducate Our Children, Misman-

age our Companies and Misunder-

stand Ourselves, by Anna MurphyPaul. The history and characters be-

hind 9 of the most interesting and widely usedpersonality indicators, including Meyers-Briggsand The Big Five. Paul is pessimistic abouttheir reliability, and is upset about these testsbeing used for high stakes decisions like hiringfiring, and custody issues. But you will get agood understanding of the personality field andthe players in it.

The Feeling Good Handbook, byDavid Burns. A good primer on cogni-tive therapy, the connection betweenyour thoughts and your feelings, andhow you can manage your feelings viathe story you tell in your thoughts.

3-D Negotiation: Powerful Tools to

Change the Game in Your Most Im-

portant Deals, by David Lax & JamesSebenius. A sophisticated analysis ofvalue-creating moves to make in busi-ness negotiations.

The Survivors Club: The Secrets

and Science that Could Save Your

Life, by Ben Sherwood. Sherwoodlooks at who survives, and who recov-ers from the trauma, of catastrophicadverse events, ranging from airplane

crashes to life threatening illness to the Holo-caust. A fascinating look at resilience, optimism

and coping strategies when your identity andcapabilities are challenged.

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