A PerfectMuslimWedding.com Production 2015
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There is no one definition
We know it when we see it, feel it, hear it, experience it.
It is a divine attribute, an energy a force that surrounds us, jus like gravity.
It is free and the more you give the more you get.
I WILL ONLY FEEL WHOLE AND COMPLETE WITH HER/HIM
LOVE CONQUERS ALL
There is only one true love or soul mate for you.
Love occurs when it’s “love at first sight.”
You will be completely fulfilled in every way. Powerful sexual chemistry equals love.
IF WE REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER NOTHING CAN BREAK US APART
LOVE COMES AND STAYS AUTOMATICALLY, WE DON’T HAVE TO WORK AT IT.
MY LOVE WILL FILL MY VOIDS, MY NEEDS AND MY INSECURITIES
Highly passionate, sexual, & intense
Often Believe in: Love as Magical
Love as fate
Love at first sight
Very “American”
Movie: Titanic / Romeo and Juliet / Ghosts / Sweet Home Alabama / Natural Born Killers / Princess Bride / Sleepless in Seattle / Snow White, Sleeping Beauty & Cinderella Hollywood loves eros love!
The “Players” love Will often: Keep their passions in check
Avoid trouble and intensity
Feel uncomfortable about commitment
Keep secrets
Have affairs
Remember, we all have a little ludus in us
When a relationship gets too intense (or is no longer fun), they leave
Movie: Great Expectations / St. Elmo’s Fire / Cruel Intentions / Dangerous Liaisons Hollywood’s Formula: Ludus plays with
Eros--Eros is crushed
Peaceful and slow
Not passionate and intense
Friendship is key
Difficult to separate from friendships
This love . . .
Develops over time
Endures long periods of inactivity or
excitement
Lacks the heat of eros and the games of
ludus
Movie: Harry Met Sally / The Wedding
Singer / My Best Friends Wedding /
Shrek / You’ve Got Mail / Beauty and
the Beast / 2 Weeks Notice / How To
Lose A Guy / Tootsie
Practical
Looking for “types”
Parents, $, race, nationality, family, etc.
Love is logical & More stable
Not magical, but rational
Movie: Pretty Woman / Bridges of MC / As Good As It Gets / Shakespeare in Love / Big Fat Greek Wedding / Grease / Maid in Manhattan / Notting Hill Hollywood Formula: Woman settles for
pragma love--but is unhappy
Extreme highs and lows
Jealousy
Obsessive
Self-worth comes from the
relationship
Nothing else matters
Movie: Fatal Attraction /
Something About Mary / American
Beauty / The Crush / Memento /
Taxi Driver / Swim Fan
Hollywood Formula: slashing
tires, stalking, going into exile,
drinking, etc..
This love is . . .
Compassionate
Selfless
Egoless
No concern for personal
reward or gain
Want the best for the other
person
Movie: Forrest Gump /
Man Love a Women / John
Q / Casablanca /
Thought Frequency As Pie Charts
Men
thrashing
Aging Having
to pee
Things we shouldn’t
have eaten
Food
Pets
Sex
The
relationship Women
Sports
The
relationship
Sex
Men
Going
bald
Aging
Strange ear
& nose hair
growth Career
Consummate
Commitment
Liking
Passion
Romantic
Intimacy
Companionate
Fatuous
Infatuate Empty
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
(Intimacy & Passion)
(Intimacy & Commitment)
(Passion & Commitment)
Intimac
y
Passion
Commitment
Non-Love x x x
Liking x x
Infatuated x x
Empty x x
Romantic x
Companionate
x
Fatuous x
Consummate
Sternberg’s 8 Components of Love
Attraction
Communication/
consolidation
Buildup
Ending
Deterioration
and decline
Relationship
continues
Triggering
factors:
Proximity,
Similarity, Erotic
love etc…
Social-exchange and
equity: Communication,
Self-disclosure, Communal
concern, External
supports
Social-exchange and
equity/inequity: Relative
attractiveness of
alternatives, Barriers to
dissolution
Important
variables
influencing
attraction
Emotion
Low:
Relationship
in stable
state
High: Heady
feeling of
romantic
love
High: Upset of
deterioration and
trauma of
disruption
The life cycle
of a
relationship
Factors that increase attraction
Proximity – people you know or see often
Similarity – background, values, attitudes
Physical Attraction – “matching hypothesis”
Personality – openness, sociability, humor
Economic Resources – especially in men
Mutual Attraction and Love
Ideal qualities are consistent across gender,
culture, and sexual orientation
Study comparing 37 cultures (Buss, 1989)
Men valued “good looks” in their partner
Women valued “good financial prospect” in their
partner
Men preferred younger partners
Women preferred older partners
Self-disclosure is important
Those who value intimacy tend to be more
trusting, concerned for others, disclose more,
have more positive thoughts about others, are
perceived as more likable, smile, laugh, make
more eye contact, and enjoy marriage more
1. Physical Style (appearance, personal fitness, and hygiene)
2. Emotional Style (attitude toward romance, affectionate, supportive, faithful)
3. Intellectual Style (educational background, enjoys learning, attitude toward world affairs, creativity)
4. Social Style (personality traits, interaction with others, sense of humor)
5. Sexual Style (enjoys sex, likes to cuddle, easily aroused with no hang-ups)
6. Communication Style (verbally articulate, good listener, attitude toward communication, expresses thoughts and feelings)
7. Spiritual Style (believes in God or higher power, has moral views, open to the mystical and different philosophies of life, compassionate toward less fortunate)
8. Personal Growth Style (attitude toward self-improvement, wants to learn about self and change for the better, sees own shortcomings, attends seminars)
9. Financial Style (relationship with money, attitude toward success, hard worker, ambitious career, honest and ethical, financially responsible)
10. Interests and Hobbies (enjoys music, dance, movies, travel, or whatever you are interested in).