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Interpersonal EffectivenessInterpersonal Effectiveness
Vinod JindalVinod Jindal
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ObjectivesObjectivesAt the end of the session the participants
will be able to:
Explain the concept and need ofinterpersonal effectiveness; andList the factors influencing interpersonalbehaviour.
List bases of effective interpersonalrelationship.
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Assessing Interpersonal RelationshipAssessing Interpersonal Relationship
The extent to which the relationshipis -
1.1. Achieving the goal for which it wasAchieving the goal for which it wasestablished; andestablished; and
2.2. Contributing to wellContributing to well--being andbeing andpersonal growth of the personspersonal growth of the persons
involvedinvolved
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Consequences of Poor RelationshipConsequences of Poor Relationship
Poor Health.Poor Health. Mistrust.Mistrust. Anger.Anger.
Lack ofLack ofCommunication.Communication.
CloseClose--mindedness.mindedness. Isolation &Isolation &
Confinement.Confinement. Suspicion.Suspicion.
Poor selfPoor self--esteem.esteem. Prejudice.Prejudice. Breakdown ofBreakdown of
Morale.Morale. Conflict.Conflict. Unhappiness.Unhappiness. Frustration.Frustration.
No teamNo team--spirit.spirit. Stress.Stress.
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ExerciseExercise
1.1. List 2 persons who are effective inList 2 persons who are effective inrelating and working with peoplerelating and working with people
2.2. What are their qualities? ListWhat are their qualities? List3.3. Are they successful?Are they successful?4.4. Categorise them as K,S or A.Categorise them as K,S or A.
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Emotional competenceEmotional competence
1.1. Perseverence, Patience, Control onPerseverence, Patience, Control onemotions.emotions.
2.2. Such people have EQ besides IQSuch people have EQ besides IQ3. It is a matter of practice to use
Emotions Intelligently
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To be successfullTo be successfull
1.1. Self Awareness. How?Self Awareness. How?
2.2. Keep IntrospectingKeep Introspecting
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Social
Awareness
Social Skill
Self
Management
Self
Awareness
Factors ofEmotional
Intelligence
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Do I practice Self Edit and Self Audit?Do I practice Self Edit and Self Audit?
My likings My dislikings
My strengths My Weaknesses
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Foundations of EffectiveFoundations of Effective
InterpersonalInterpersonalRelationshipRelationship
Activity- Role Play
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RECOGNITION OF MUTUAL PURPOSES,RECOGNITION OF MUTUAL PURPOSES,
RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIESRIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES
Respect for autonomy and rightsRespect for autonomy and rightsof othersof others
II--thou Vs Ithou Vs I--it relationshipit relationship Commonality of purposeCommonality of purpose
Reciprocal responsibilityReciprocal responsibility
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A REALISTIC VIEW OF SELF ANDA REALISTIC VIEW OF SELF AND
OTHERSOTHERS
A realistic view ofA realistic view of
selfself An accurateAn accurate
perception of othersperception of others
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Johari WindowJohari Window[[Joseph Luft & Harrington]Joseph Luft & Harrington]
KNOWN TO SELF NOT KNOWN TO SELFKNOWN TO SELF NOT KNOWN TO SELF
KNOWNKNOWN
TOTOOTHERSOTHERS
NOTNOTKNOWNKNOWN
TOTO
OTHERSOTHERS
11
OPENOPEN22
BLINDBLIND
33
HIDDENHIDDEN
44
UNKNOWNUNKNOWN
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Effective interpersonalEffective interpersonal
CommunicationCommunication Be sensitive to feelings of others.Be sensitive to feelings of others. Be a good sender and receiver.Be a good sender and receiver.
Be Empathetic.Be Empathetic. Give & receive feedback.Give & receive feedback. Listen to others patiently &Listen to others patiently &
actively.actively. Mind Verbal and nonverbalMind Verbal and nonverbal
communication.communication.ACTIVITY
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Process of CommunicationProcess of Communication
SENDERSENDER RECEIVERRECEIVER
FEEDBACK
MESSAGEEncodesEncodes DecodesDecodes
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Key to effective interpersonal communicationKey to effective interpersonal communication
Seek first to understand,
then to be understood
- Stephen R Covey
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INTERPERSO
NAL ACCO
MMOD
ATIO
NINTERPERSO
NAL ACCO
MMOD
ATIO
N
Basic Process ofBasic Process ofAccommodationAccommodation
Conflicting, CongruentConflicting, Congruent& Complementary& ComplementaryPattern ofPattern ofAccommodationAccommodation
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IMPROVING SOCIAL COMPETENCEIMPROVING SOCIAL COMPETENCE
Helping to meet the needs of othersHelping to meet the needs of others
Helping the other person feel acceptedHelping the other person feel accepted
Approving the person while disapprovingApproving the person while disapprovinghis behaviourhis behaviour
Expressing praise and appreciationExpressing praise and appreciation
Learning to give criticismLearning to give criticism Giving the other person a goodGiving the other person a good
reputation.reputation.
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MAINTAINING INTEGRITYMAINTAINING INTEGRITY
Taking a stand when itTaking a stand when itis indicatedis indicated
Learning when and howLearning when and howto say Noto say No
Exercise
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BEING SENSITIVEBEING SENSITIVE
(to the requirement of the situation(to the requirement of the situation))
Respecting socialRespecting socialconventionsconventions
Understanding roleUnderstanding rolerequirementsrequirements
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SOURCES OF DIFFICULTY INSOURCES OF DIFFICULTY IN
RELATIONSHIPRELATIONSHIP I-ITORIENTATION
EGO-CENTRICITY
MANIPULATION DECEITFULNESS
OVERCONFORMITY
OVERDEPENDENCY
REBELLIOUSNESS
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SOURCES OF DIFFICULTY INSOURCES OF DIFFICULTY IN
RELATIONSHIPRELATIONSHIP HOSTILITY
INFERIORITY FEELING
EMOTIONAL PREJUDICE
UNREALISTICEXPECTATIONS
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General PrinciplesGeneral Principles Remember we are dealing with emotions,Remember we are dealing with emotions,
prejudice, and vanity as well as with logic.prejudice, and vanity as well as with logic. Try to get other persons point of view.Try to get other persons point of view. Everybody is more interested in himself.Everybody is more interested in himself. We can make others feel important withWe can make others feel important with
manners & little courtesies.manners & little courtesies. Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love.Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love. Nobody likes blunt assault on the ego.Nobody likes blunt assault on the ego. Always suggest and let others conclude.Always suggest and let others conclude.
Be a good listenerBe a good listener-- never interrupt.never interrupt. Other man may be totally wrong but weOther man may be totally wrong but wecannot make him think so.cannot make him think so.
We cannot win an argument.We cannot win an argument.
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General PrinciplesGeneral Principles Life is an echo/ a boomerang. We see things not as they are but as we are. Avoid envy/jealousy-crab mentality. Adopt win/win principle.
Accept responsibility. Choose your words carefully. Do not criticize/complain. Smile, be humorous & kind. Give honest & sincere appreciation. Accept mistakes immediately & willingly. Congratulate when someone admits faults.
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Be grateful but do not expect gratitude.Be grateful but do not expect gratitude.
Avoid bearing grudgesAvoid bearing grudges-- Forgive & Forget.Forgive & Forget. Beware of halfBeware of half--truths.truths. Practise Humility.Practise Humility. Be understanding & caring.Be understanding & caring.
Avoid egoAvoid ego--I know it all attitude.I know it all attitude. Practise courtesy on daily basis.Practise courtesy on daily basis. Never be sarcastic to put others down.Never be sarcastic to put others down. Show Empathy.Show Empathy. Try to be a better person.Try to be a better person. Pray & Meditate.Pray & Meditate.
Meditation
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RememberRememberThe six most important wordsThe six most important words
I admit I made a mistakeI admit I made a mistake..The Five most important wordsThe Five most important words
You did a good job.You did a good job.The four most important wordsThe four most important words
What is your opinion?What is your opinion?The three most important wordsThe three most important words
If you pleaseIf you please..The two most important wordsThe two most important words
Thank youThank youThe one most important wordsThe one most important words..
WEWEThe Least important wordThe Least important word
II
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Each person has:Each person has: Three Ego States
PARENT
ADULT
CHILD
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PARENT
ADULT
CHILD
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NURTURING
PREJUDICIAL
A
P
C
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According to Claude Steiner Parent
Ego State is divided into:
1) Nurturing Parent
2) Critical Parent
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P
A
Adapted ChildLittle Professor
Natural Child
Experiences &
Parental training
that influences theChildEmerging
Adult in Child Untrained infant
in the Child
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Any time one person recognises another with
a smile,
a nod,
a frown,
a verbal greeting, etc.
in TA language, is called a STROKE
Two or more strokes make a transaction
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Types ofTransactionsTypes ofTransactionsComplementary
Crossed
Ulterior
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ComplementaryTransaction
ComplementaryTransaction
A message sent from a specific ego state,
gets the predicted response from others
specific ego state
Appropriate & expected & follows the
natural order of healthy human relationships
(Berne)
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P
A
C
P
A
C
1
2
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P
A
C
P
A
C
1
2
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Crossed Transaction
Crossed Transaction
An unexpected response is made to the
stimulus
An inappropriate ego state gets activated
Lines of transacting between the people are
crossed
A frequent source of pain between people
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P
A
C
P
A
C
2
1
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UlteriorTransactions
UlteriorTransactions
Most Complex Transaction
Involve more than two ego statesUlterior message sent is disguised
under a socially acceptable
transaction
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P
A
C
P
A
C
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ASSERTIVENESSASSERTIVENESS
Behaviour that demonstratesBehaviour that demonstrates
your self respect and respect foryour self respect and respect for
othersothers
It is not Aggression or PassivityIt is not Aggression or Passivity
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Aggressive BehaviourAggressive Behaviour
Getting your own point across at otherGetting your own point across at otherpeoples expensepeoples expense
Getting your own way, no matter whatGetting your own way, no matter what
Getting people do the things they dontGetting people do the things they dont
want to dowant to do Being loud, violent, abusive, interruptingBeing loud, violent, abusive, interrupting
othersothers
Winning at all costWinning at all cost
Aggression can be direct or indirect.Aggression can be direct or indirect.
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Aggressive BehaviourAggressive Behaviour
Wins argument at the expense ofWins argument at the expense ofothersothers
Is felt to be a prosecutorIs felt to be a prosecutor
Is disliked and fearedIs disliked and feared Is overbearing to othersIs overbearing to others
Is seen as wilful and uncaringIs seen as wilful and uncaring
But is really a coward underneathBut is really a coward underneath
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Passive behaviourPassive behaviour
Keeping quiet for fear of upsetting othersKeeping quiet for fear of upsetting others Bottling things upBottling things up
Avoiding conflict at any costAvoiding conflict at any cost
Always putting other peoples needs firstAlways putting other peoples needs first
Not expressing your feelings, preferencesNot expressing your feelings, preferences
Going along with things you dont agree withGoing along with things you dont agree with
Inwardly burning with anger & frustrationInwardly burning with anger & frustration
Bing vague about your ideasB
ing vague about your ideas Indecisive while really knowing what you wantIndecisive while really knowing what you want
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Passive PeoplePassive People
Loses arguementLoses arguementDont do what they want or needDont do what they want or need
Is indecisiveIs indecisive
Is negative, self pityingIs negative, self pitying
Is lacking in will powerIs lacking in will power
May become bitter and resentful inMay become bitter and resentful inlater lifelater life
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Assertive BehaviourAssertive Behaviour
Honest to self and other peopleHonest to self and other people Listening to others point of viewListening to others point of view
Understands others situationUnderstands others situation
Expressing self but not at the expenseExpressing self but not at the expenseof othersof others
Able to reach workable solutionAble to reach workable solution
Making decisions, dealing with conflicts,Making decisions, dealing with conflicts,speaking upspeaking up
Honest and caringHonest and caring
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Assertive BehaviourAssertive Behaviour
WinWin--Win strategyWin strategy Conflicts are resolved openlyConflicts are resolved openly
Early solutionsEarly solutions
Confidence increasesConfidence increases
Recognition by othersRecognition by others
Retain their dignityRetain their dignity
GrievanceGrievance the missed promotionthe missed promotion