ed batista, the art of self-coaching @stanfordbiz, class 6: vulnerability
TRANSCRIPT
The art of
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self-coachingEd BatistaCLASS 6: VULNERABILITY
Vulnerability
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Small groups 35 minsVulnerability 25 minsA conversation 20 minsFor next time… 5 mins
Agenda
Before we getdown to business
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Debrief in yourWhat was that like?How did it feel?
quartet
Shame &empathy
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Shame &Shame = I’m flawed & unworthyEmpathy = The antidote to shame
empathy
Shame &Shame = Creates distanceEmpathy = Creates closeness
empathy
Shame &Disclosures often trigger shame(or embarrassment or vulnerability)
empathy
Shame &But typical responses block empathy1. “Look on the bright side”2. “My problem’s worse”3. “Here’s some advice”
empathy
Shame &Instead…1. Avoid judgments2. Sense & validate emotions3. Convey understanding (≠ agreement)
empathy
Vulnerability
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A storyI’ll start
Vulnerability
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Now it’s your turnSpread out with your quartet
Vulnerability
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4 minutes to tell your story2 minutes for group to respondTiming will be key
Vulnerability
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How might you push yourself?What would be too far?Reflect for a minute
quartet Debrief in yourWhat happened?
Crucible stories
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Meaning-makingMental modelsConnectionsEmpathy
VulnerabilityBrené BrownVulnerability = oversharing or weaknessI don’t do vulnerabilityI can go it alone
myths
VulnerabilitySo…If vulnerability ≠ oversharing, what’s enough?If vulnerability ≠ weakness, what is it?How do we build boundaries & trust?
questions
Meta-emotionJohn Gottman, et alHow do we feel about how we feel?
Meta-emotionFeelings & thoughts about emotionYet another set of mental models
Meta-emotionDiscomfort with emotion
Feelings themselves become triggers
Meta-emotionPotential factor with any emotionsParticularly with vulnerability
Meta-emotionReflect on your worksheets
What does thisReivich & ShattéABCs: Adversity Beliefs ConsequencesTraps: Tunnel vision, overgeneralize, conclusionsIcebergs: Achievement, acceptance, control
tell me?
What might I try?Reframing
Self-soothingTalking about feelings
Why vulnerability
A powerful tool when we can manage itA destructive force when we can’tBuild connections or notBuild a culture anyway
matters
UnhappinessSubjective points of viewStoicism, Pema Chödrön, Viktor FranklWhich ones are most meaningful to you?
UnhappinessPlease note…Pema Chödrön is a little out thereThat’s why Oliver Burkeman is an option
UnhappinessAlso…It can be heavyPlease don’t be latePlease plan accordingly