District Writing Assessment FocusElaboration of the Evidence

“Our Weak Point, Our Achilles Heel”

The StandardEffective use of a variety of

elaborative techniques• Effective use of a variety of elaborative

techniques

• Use of evidence from sources is smoothly integrated, comprehensive, relevant and concrete

Student Writing

The last evidence for why I don’t think people should travel to Mars is because of cosmic rays. The cosmic radiation from the cosmic rays turns your cells into cancer cells, which gives you cancer.

The last evidence for why I don’t think people should travel to Mars is because of cosmic rays. The cosmic radiation from the cosmic rays turns your cells into cancer cells, which gives you cancer.

Cancer is a disease that can kill you. Generally people will avoid places that have dangers that can cause certain death.

Therefore, cosmic rays are definitely a good reason to not travel to Mars.

Elaborating

Linking it back to the claim

Cancer is a disease that can

certain death.

kill you. Generally peoplewill avoid places that have dangers that can cause

Therefore, cosmic rays are definitely a good reason to not travel to Mars.