Evidence and Elaboration

Building Support for your Claim

So, let’s talk about the WRITING FSAThe real test is in a few short weeks! You have come a LONG WAY and I am very proud of each of you!

BUT! There is still a lot of work to do to make sure you will do your best on the test! Based on the results from the 3rd FPMA, we need to practice:

1. Not using personal pronouns2. Creating clear and precise claims/controlling

ideas3. Using a variety of different kinds of evidence4. ELABORATING on cited evidence and

CONNECTING it to your claim/controlling idea

5. Creating clear conclusions

NO Personal Pronouns!But how can I say my opinion without using

I … ME … YOU … MY … MINE????

Say the same idea, but take out the pronoun!

Types of Evidence-Based Elaboration

TYPE DESCRIPTION EXAMPLEExplanation

Explain the evidence provided. (Often used when a direct quote is given.)

Evidence: According to authors, Africa lost more than 60% of its elephants to poachers over the last ten years.Elaboration: That is more than half of all the elephants in the country, meaning that at this speed, the elephants could soon die out.

Evaluation Evaluate the evidence based on other facts in the passages.

Evidence: Surveys indicate that many citizens do not even realize that the elephants die when poachers get the ivory.Elaboration: However, this is not a good enough reason to let this practice continue, since groups like CITE educate their citizens with such facts.

Definition Defining concept or idea to help your reader better understand the evidence.

Evidence: Colony collapse disorder (CCD) is one possible reason why honeybees are disappearing.Elaboration: Colony collapse disorder is when bees leave their nest but never return. Scientists are searching for the cause.

Types of Evidence-Based Elaboration

TYPE DESCRIPTION

EXAMPLE

Analyze (Compare)

Provide a comparison to the evidence.

Evidence: As the polar ice melts, polar bears become less afraid of humans as they look for food.Elaboration: The graphic provided shows a polar bear trying to get into a truck. Thus, as their habitat disappears, they search elsewhere, finding food wherever possible.

Analyze (Prediction)

Analyze the evidence and make a prediction based on evidence in the text.

Evidence: Colony collapse disorder (CCD) is one possible reason why honeybees are disappearing.Elaboration: If this continues to happen and bees keep leaving their hives, crops will fail, costing farmers millions of dollars.

Analyze (Cause/Effect Relationships)

Analyze the evidence to show a likely cause and effect relationship.

Evidence: Experts say that the coral reefs are disappearing at a rapid rate.Elaboration: Therefore, many aquatic creatures like the clown fish will become greatly in danger of losing their natural habitat.

Practice, Practice, Practice! YOUR TASK:

Select TWO pieces of evidence below and practice your elaborative techniques. (You may change the wording, the signal phrase, or the transition into the evidence provided if needed.)1. According to Howard Gold, a survey conducted by the Brookings

Institution revealed that the American dream was “harder to achieve.”

2. “AAA estimated it would cost $11,039 a year to own one four-wheel-drive sport-utility vehicle” (Source 2).

3. “Only 16 million U.S. households – around 1 in 8 – earned that much in 2013, according to the U.S. Census Bureau” (Source 2).

4. A graphic in “Price Tag for the American Dream” reveals that the costly amount for all for the average “extras” like family vacations, entertainment, and restaurants totals $17,009.

PEEL It! P: point! Your claim/controlling idea E: evidence! What evidence BEST supports your point? EL: elaboration! Explain WHY your evidence BEST

supports your point.POINT

(claim/controlling idea)

EVIDENCE(including source)

ELABORATION

Example of how to PEELPOINT

(claim/controlling idea)EVIDENCE

(including source)ELABORATION

The American Dream is not achievable because the average income of most Americans does not support the needed costs of what makes the American Dream possible.

1. “Up to 15 million young Americans today are at risk.” (source 1, paragraph 5)

2. “Total income needed to live the American Dream: $130, 357.” (source 2)

1. Children are the most at risk in America because many parents are unable to provide the basics to ensure kids are successful in life.

2. Therefore, children are the most vulnerable victims of the loss of the American Dream.

3. For just the basic costs of living, the amount of money you need to make a year already exceeds the average income of most Americans.

4. The total cost of the American Dream can change depending on where you live.

This is an argumentative prompt: Take a position on whether or not you believe that the American Dream is achievable by all Americans based on the evidence provided by the texts we read in class.

Now, to the Body Paragraph… Writing Essentials:

Transitional Devices WAITED words AAAWWUBBIS words

Address the COUNTER CLAIM (as a transition, and sporadically throughout…)

Text-Based Evidence Proper Citation / Text Reference / Parenthetical Citation

(source #, author’s name, title, etc.) Elaboration Appropriate Style, Objective Tone, and Vocabulary Varied Sentence Structures (simple, complex / short, long)

Practice, Practice, Practice! YOUR TASK:

Draft a written version of your body paragraph for the “American Dream: Dead or Alive” prompt. (You should already have your introductory paragraph completed.)PROMPT: Take the stance that the American Dream is NOT achievable, using evidence to support your claim from “The Price Tag of the American Dream,” while refuting the counter claim presented in “Sharing the American Dream.”

After finishing your written draft, upload to the designated Padlet page.