Building Emotional Intelligence (EQ)Christine E. Dickson, PhD

Unlike your IQ, you can improve your Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou

Workshop OverviewIntroduction and Assessment

What is EQ?

Why is EQ Important?

What are the 5 Core EQ Skills

Take an assessment of your EQ

Identify Strengths and Areas for Improvement

Workshop Overview (cont.)5 Ways to Build your EQ

1. Self Awareness

Mindfulness and Neuroscience

Headspace Exercise 2. Emotion Regulation

Case Study

3. Self-Motivation

“Organized Mind” 4. Empathy

Loving Kindness Exercise

5. Social Skill Saying “No”

Communication Skills

What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?

Your ability to recognize and understand your emotions, and your skill to use this awareness to manage yourself and your relationships with others.

EQ versus IQEQ is the #1 predictor of success in personal and professional life.

90% of top performers are high in EQ.

60% of performance in all types of jobs is accounted for by EQ

High EQHappier and more optimistic in life.

More assertive and expressive of their personal needs.

More empathetic and understanding of others.

Capable of saying “no” to others and setting healthy limits.

Less impulsive and tend to make better decisions.

Capable of tolerating stress better.

High EQ (cont.)Less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol.

More satisfied with their social networks and appear to receive more social support.

Successfully avoid interpersonal arguments and fights.

More successful academically, in their careers, and interpersonal relationships.

Tend to be better parents.

More capable of coping with a serious medical condition.

Accurately perceive your emotions and stay aware of them as they happen.

Self Awareness

Empathy

Emotion Regulation

Social Skill

5 Core EQ Skills

Self Motivation

Control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods.

Pursue goals with energy and persistence.

Step into another person’s shoes and see from their point of view.

Manage relationships and build networks.

Take the Test: What is your EQ Score?

What is your total score?

What are your strengths?

What areas do you need to improve and why?

What is Self-Awareness?The ability to see ourselves objectively.

To examine our thoughts and emotions from a third-person perspective.

The ability to stop ourselves from getting swept up in the emotion.

To stop identifying with the emotion and see it clearly and objectively.

Build Self Awareness with Mindfulness

A stable, clear, non-judging attention is the foundation of self awareness.

Mindfulness meditation has been used for over 2,500 years to improve focus and attention.

Neuroscience shows us how mindfulness improves our brain.

8 Weeks to a Better BrainWhat changes happen in the brain when you practice Mindfulness Mediation for 8 Weeks?

Increased gray-matter density in the hippocampus

Decreased gray-matter density in the amygdala.

Prior research showed changes in the insula.

“By practicing meditation, we can play an active role in changing the brain and can increase our well-being and quality of life.”

Spinal Cord

Limbic System (Emotion Mind)

Prefrontal Cortex (Rational Mind)

Mindfulness SoftwareHandout

Create Headspace with “Take 10”

headspace.com

“Your Gym Membership for the Mind”

Provides a personal trainer for your mind.

“Take 10” Program Exercise

Headspace Exercise: Discussion Questions

Did you feel uncomfortable or frustrated during the exercise? Why or Why not?

Did you feel like you were wasting your time? Why or Why not?

What was it like to slow down and do meditation during the class?

What is Emotion Regulation?The conscious control of your emotion and mood.

Conscious control is an active thought process or commitment to a behavior to regulate your emotion.

Regulate Emotion:

Intensity

Frequency

Length of time

5 Truths about Emotions

1. Feelings just ARE.

2. ︎︎︎︎Don’t last forever

3. You do not have to react

4. They are ︎not facts

5. You cannot get rid of it

Reduce Vulnerability to Emotions: “Stay Strong”

Sleep

Take care of yourself.

Resist using too much caffeine or alcohol.

Once a day, do something that gives you a feeling of being in control.

Nutrition - eat a balanced diet.

Get exercise - try to do 20 minutes a day.

“It’s never the person or the situation that is the problem. It is your reactions to it.” -Eckhart Tolle

Emotion Regulation: Business Case Study

Jim works for a multinational technology company and holds the position of Stakeholder Communications Manager.

The president of the unit is a fast paced female executive who quickly moved through the ranks.

Jim recently finished a draft of a global external sales presentation and emailed it to his boss and president for review.

Emotion Regulation: Discussion Questions1. What is the name of the main emotion(s) Jim was experiencing?

2. What was going on (prompting event) that made Jim have this feeling?

3. What were his ASSUMPTIONS, BELIEFS, MYTHS, about this situation? What was he telling himself about his emotion?

4. What sensations do you think Jim was feeling in his body due to the emotion?

Emotion Regulation: Discussion Questions (cont.)4. What do you think his body language looked like with this emotion? What would someone think was going on if they walked past his office and saw him?

5. What was his action with this emotion? What did his emotions drive him to do?

6. What do you think will happen to Jim as a result of acting on his emotions?

7. What could Jim have done differently to handle the situation skillfully?

What is Self Motivation? The ability to be hopeful and optimistic despite obstacles, setbacks, or even outright failure.

To purse goals with high degree of energy and persistence.

To be motivated by a deeply embedded desire to achieve for the sake of achievement regardless of salary or title.

Create an Organized MindTake regular breaks and even a nap.

We need to give our brains a chance to consolidate all the information that we take in.

Leave work at work.

“Eat the Frog”

Mind Clearing Exercise

Each morning when you arrive to work, write down everything that is distracting you and then prioritize your list.

One Mindfully in the MomentSet a timer for 45 minutes and see how much work you can complete.

AVOID DISTRACTIONS: Do not answer emails, the phone, or talk with colleagues.

If other actions, thoughts, or strong feelings distract you, LET GO OF DISTRACTIONS and go back to what you are doing—again, and again, and again.

CONCENTRATE YOUR MIND. If you find you are doing two things at once, stop and go back to one thing at a time.

Manage Electronic DistractionsLimit your electronic time to blocks (i.e. 1/2 hour in the morning & 1/2 hour in the evening)

Is email overwhelming you? Claim Email Bankruptcy!

Consider an automatic email reply that states when you will check and return emails.

Take a Digital Sabbath

Go on a Low Information Diet

What is Empathy?The ability to step into another person’s shoes and see the situation from his or her point of view.

This type of empathy is called cognitive compassion.

Compassionate leaders increase:

Employee productivity,

Employee morale

Bottom-line profitability

Compassionate Leaders3 Pillars of Compassionate Leadership

1. Cognitive Understanding

2. Emotional Understanding

3. Motivational Connection

Building CompassionBuilding compassion is like building a muscle.

Start developing compassion for yourself • Say to yourself: May I be Happy, May I be Peaceful,

May I be Filled with Love.

Build Compassion With People You Like

Send good intentions to the people in your life who you like and love already.

Apply This With New People

Start using this practice with strangers

Loving Kindness ExerciseMay I be Happy.

May I be Peaceful. May I be Filled with Love.

May you be Happy. May you be Peaceful.

May you be Filled with Love.

May we be Happy. May we be Peaceful.

May we be Filled with Love

Loving Kindness Exercise: Discussion Questions

How did you feel saying this to the other person? Did you feel awkward and embarrassed? If so, why?

Could you imagine meditating on this everyday about yourself, your coworkers and boss? What do you think it would be like? What would change?

What is Social Skill?The ability to manage relationships and build networks.

The ability to effectively communicate:

Persuade others and lead teams.

Say “No” and make requests.

Deal with difficult people

Negotiate office politics

Relationship Management: Basic Skills

Pay close attention to your interactions with other people:

Did I listen actively to the person who approached me? Was I too busy to listen?

Did I ask the other person questions about the content of what s/he was saying as well as his/her feelings about what they are saying?

Did I change my body language, facial expressions, tone of voice to meet the needs of the other person?

Tips for Saying “No”1. Acknowledge the other

person’s request

2. Explain your reason for declining.

3. Say no.

4. (Optional) If appropriate, suggest an alternative proposal.

Tips for Making a RequestTake your time

Don’t apologize

Be specific

Use assertive body language

Watch out for guilt

Ways People Evade Your Request

Change the subject

Respond with a strong display of emotions

Joke or make fun

Try to make you feel guilty

Criticize or question legitimacy

Ask you why you are making the request

Communication Techniques for Difficult Situations

Broken Record / Clarification

Fogging

Content-to-Process Shift

Defusing

Assertive Inquiry

Group DiscussionThink of a time when you faced a difficult person or situation. Which of the 5 communication techniques could you have used to more effectively deal with the person or situation?

Try to imagine how the conversation or situation would have unfolded differently. Would you manage your reactions better to the difficult person or situation. If so, why?

Describe how using these communication techniques could improve difficult work situations and/or your relationship with a difficult person.

Summary & Final Thoughts