# 2

guideA

zI

MO

NTA

NA

The last long weekend of sum

mer is alm

ost here,and I hope you’re hittin’ the road!

With a w

hole extra day to explore, why not cross

the border and spend a few days in M

ontana?

Montana is aw

esome. There are S

O m

any places to see &

adventures to have in Montana, so this guide

is an alphabetical list of some of m

y favouriteplaces, landm

arks & random

things I’ve found when

I’ve been out exploring!

So go! D

rive safe! Be nice! H

ave fun!B

ring back a case of coconut La Croix for m

e!

AB

I couldn’t decide which B

was m

ore important,

so here are two.

BB

iso

n Located about 1 hour N

orth of Missoula,

the National Bison R

ange is one of the oldestN

ational Wildlife R

efuges in the US. Along w

iththe bison herd, you’re likely to see antelopeand a shitload of different birds.

alza

da

is a small tow

n with a population of

about 29. This town used to be nam

ed Stoneville,after a local bartender, Lou Stone. N

ot sure if oldLou is still kickin’ but the Stoneville Saloon sureis, and it’s definitely w

orth a visit if you’re into drinking $2 beers in the coolest bar in the w

orld.If you’re not, you m

ay as well stop reading now...

BIS

CU

ITS

AN

D G

RAV

Y. G

uaranteed to be on every m

enu in every restaurant or diner that you stop in. Totally hits the spot after a night of $2 beer!

C R

ight after the Sweetgrass border crossing is a

little town nam

ed Sunburst. Not m

uch goin’ on inSunburst other than the C

HU

RC

H B

AR. A bar in

an old church. It’s actually called The Mint Bar,

but I like to call it the Church Bar. There’s even a

bunkhouse so you can sleep over! Thursday is C

LA

M N

IGH

T, which is also a C

-word.

DInto ghosts and spooky stuff? I’m

not. But theD

UD

E R

AN

CH

ER

LO

DG

E in Billings has a ghostthat I had to deal w

ith in real life. Other than that it

was a really great night. Super cute decor!

G

Ev

el K

nie

vel w

as b

orn

in B

utte

so

they

hav

e a

big

craz

y st

reet

par

ty in

his

hon

or e

very

yea

r. It

alre

ady

happ

ened

this

yea

r, bu

t may

be p

lan

ahea

d fo

r nex

t yea

r! (e

velk

niev

elda

ys.o

rg)

E F A

lso

in B

utte

is th

e FR

EEW

AY

TAV

ER

N. F

amou

sfo

r the

ir Po

rk C

hop

Sand

wic

h, a

nd th

e fis

h bu

rger

is p

retty

goo

d to

o! E

vel K

niev

el u

sed

to h

ang

out

ther

e, a

nd I

won

$40

on

the

slot

mac

hine

s.

Spea

king

of s

lot m

achi

nes,

one

of m

y fa

vorit

eth

ings

to d

o in

Mon

tana

is G

AM

BLE! B

elly

up

to a

lmos

t any

bar

and

look

for a

jar t

hat s

ays

“Sha

ke-A

-Day

”. It

will

usua

llly c

ost $

1, a

nd y

ouge

t one

cha

nce

to ro

ll 5

dice

. If y

ou ro

ll al

l the

sam

e nu

mbe

r, yo

u w

in th

e w

hole

pot

!

H I

love

a g

ood

Ha

mb

ur

ger

, and

the

ones

at t

heM

isso

ula

Clu

b (in

Mis

soul

a, o

bvs)

are

nex

t lev

el.

Not

hing

els

e on

the

men

u, ju

st b

urge

rs &

bee

r. So

don

’t go

if y

ou d

on’t

like

burg

ers

& be

er.

H A

noth

er g

ood

Mon

tana

“H” i

s H

UC

KLEB

ER

RY

!H

uckl

eber

ries

are

frigg

in’ e

very

whe

re th

ere,

and

mid

-Jul

y to

late

Aug

ust i

s pr

ime

pick

in’ s

easo

n.Pi

ck u

p so

me

loca

lly m

ade

jam

or p

ie, o

r jus

t pul

lov

er a

nd p

ick

som

e yo

urse

lf!

IU

mm

m...

the

I-90

is a

pre

tty

good

hig

hway

...

J K N

If yo

u fin

d yo

urse

lf in

the

grea

t litt

le to

wn

of

Anac

onda

, mak

e su

re to

sto

p in

to J

FK

BA

R!

Shuf

flebo

ard,

ju

ke b

ox

, che

ap b

eer &

frie

ndly

loca

ls m

ake

JFK

Bar a

fun

plac

e to

spe

nd a

co

uple

hou

rs!

Mic

hael

Keat

on

live

s ju

st o

utsi

de o

f Liv

ings

ton

whi

ch is

pre

tty n

eat,

I sup

pose

.

Min

t Bar

s: L

ivin

gsto

n, L

ewis

ton,

Big

San

dy, W

hite

hall,

Chi

nook

, Tow

nsen

d, L

ibby

, Bel

grad

e, M

alta

, Oph

eim

,W

hite

Sul

pher

Spr

ings

, She

lby,

Fro

id, M

artin

sdal

e

LI d

on’t

know

too

muc

h ab

out t

hose

LEW

IS

AN

D C

LA

RK

guy

s ot

her t

han

they

wer

e ex

plor

ers

and

they

had

to w

alk

ever

ywhe

re,

but e

very

thin

g in

Mon

tana

is n

amed

afte

r th

em. D

on’t

eat a

t “C

lark

& L

ewie

s” in

Gre

at

Falls

. It’s

real

bad

.

MIf

som

eone

tells

you

to m

eet t

hem

at t

he

MIN

T B

AR

, mak

e su

re to

ask

them

whi

ch o

ne,

as th

ere

are

at le

ast 1

5 di

ffere

nt M

int B

ar’s

in

Mon

tana

, and

they

’re a

ll aw

esom

e. S

o w

hy is

th

e M

int B

ar s

uch

a po

pula

r bar

nam

e? B

ack

in

the

min

ing

boom

day

s, th

e M

int i

s w

here

all

the

min

ers

& ra

ilroa

d w

orke

rs w

ould

han

g ou

t!

D

id y

ou k

now

ther

e ar

e 9

NAT

ION

AL P

AR

KS

in M

onta

na?

Ther

e ar

e. B

ig H

orn

Can

yon,

Bi

g H

ole

Nat

iona

l Bat

tlefie

ld, G

laci

er N

atio

nal

Park

, For

t Uni

on T

radi

ng P

ost,

Lew

is &

Cla

rk

His

toric

al T

rail,

Gra

nt-K

ohrs

Ran

ch, N

ez P

erce

His

toric

al P

ark,

Gla

cier

Nat

iona

l Par

k, a

ndYe

llow

ston

e!

Ok,

ther

e ar

e a

lot o

f gre

at P

thin

gs to

dis

cuss

.

O Q

Firs

t and

mos

t im

porta

nt P

on

my

list g

oes

toP

IAN

O P

AT

! Pat

pla

ys th

e or

gan

at th

e Si

p N

Dip

in G

reat

Fal

ls, a

nd is

the

real

sta

r of t

hat

Mer

mai

d Sh

ow, i

n m

y op

inio

n. S

he’s

old

and

awes

ome,

and

whi

le w

e’re

on

the

topi

c of

the

Sip

n D

ip, i

f you

boo

k in

adv

ance

you

can

pay

$100

and

sw

im w

ith th

e m

erm

aids

! Gro

ss.

In m

y lo

ng li

fe o

f bei

ng a

live,

the

best

bar

na

me

that

I ha

ve e

ver c

ome

acro

ss is

cal

led

PIS

SER

S P

ALA

CE in

But

te. I

t is

ever

y bi

t as

good

as

you’

d th

ink

it w

ould

be

with

that

nam

e. Th

ere

is a

tow

n ca

lled

Pr

ay

that

you

can

buy

for r

eal c

heap

. The

who

le to

wn!

And

Jef

fBr

idge

s liv

es th

ere!

(I’m

not

sur

e w

hy J

eff

Brid

ges

does

n’t j

ust b

uy th

e to

wn,

you

kno

w?)

Ther

e is

a to

wn

calle

d P

ra

y th

at y

ou c

an b

uyfo

r rea

l che

ap. T

he w

hole

tow

n! A

nd J

eff

Brid

ges

lives

ther

e! (I

’m n

ot s

ure

why

Jef

fBr

idge

s do

esn’

t jus

t buy

the

tow

n, y

ou k

now

?)

This

P is

my

fave

- T

he P

ek

in N

oo

dle P

ar

lo

r!

is A

mer

ica’

s O

ldes

t Chi

nese

Res

taur

ant!

Foun

ded

in B

utte

in 1

911,

this

pla

ce s

till c

onta

ins

all o

f it’s

orig

inal

furn

ishi

ngs,

incl

udin

g ch

airs

, ta

bles

& d

ishe

s. L

ocat

ed in

But

te’s

old

Red

Lig

htD

istri

ct th

ere

are

som

e pr

etty

goo

d st

orie

s ab

out

the

nood

le p

arlo

r dou

blin

g as

a b

roth

el!

The

stat

e m

otto

is “ O

ro

y P

lata

” whi

ch is

Sp

anis

h fo

r gol

d &

silv

er -

two

of th

e m

iner

als

that

gav

e M

onta

na it

’s n

ickn

ame.

(See

“T”)

P P P P

I jus

t gav

e yo

u fo

ur P

’s, s

o I’m

goi

ng to

ski

pov

er “Q

”.

R S

T \U V

Sort

of li

ke h

ow th

ere

are

so m

any

Min

t Bar

s,th

ere

are

also

a w

hole

bun

ch o

f bar

s na

med

ST

OC

KM

AN

S b

ar

. At

leas

t 12,

acc

ordi

ng to

G

oogl

e. T

he S

tock

man

Bar

s ar

e na

med

af

ter a

ll th

e ca

ttlem

en th

at w

ould

han

g ou

tth

ere!

Mon

tana

is k

now

n as

the

TR

EA

SU

RE S

TAT

E

beca

use

of it

’s ri

ch m

iner

al re

serv

es. T

he

mou

ntai

ns o

f Mon

tana

hav

e ye

ilded

fortu

nes

ofsi

lver

& g

old

sinc

e th

e m

id 1

800’

s!

I’ve

neve

r driv

en th

roug

h M

onta

na w

ithou

t the

high

way

s be

ing

UN

DER

CO

NS

TR

UC

Tio

n.

So s

tay

fuel

ed u

p an

d m

ake

sure

you

hav

e lo

ts o

f sna

cks!

Ther

e is

a g

reat

bar

cal

led

the

Silv

ersp

urSa

loon

and

it’s

loca

ted

in V

AU

GH

N. N

ot m

uch

else

is lo

cate

d in

Vau

ghn,

thou

gh.

Pict

ure

it - M

ingu

sville

, sum

mer

of 1

884.

Th

eodo

re R

oo

sev

elt

arri

ves

at N

olan

’s H

otel

afte

r man

y da

ys o

f rid

ing

thro

ugh

East

ern

Mon

tana

. It w

as la

te a

nd h

e ne

eded

a ro

om.

One

of t

he b

ar p

atro

ns w

as d

runk

and

sho

otin

gof

f his

gun

s, a

nd h

e ca

lled

Roo

seve

lt “F

our

Eyes

” reg

ardi

ng h

is g

lass

es (l

ol).

Roo

seve

lt,

bein

g a

very

ski

lled

boxe

r, en

ded

up k

nock

ing

the

guy

out,

taki

ng a

way

his

gun

s, a

nd lo

ckin

ghi

m in

a s

hed!

WX

Y\Z

Rem

ember I m

entioned all those Mint Bars?

One of them

is in WH

ITEH

ALL. It burnt dow

na few

years ago, but it has been rebuilt. Thereis a bartender there nam

ed Bobbi who has a

photo album on her phone of all the patrons

who have passed out at her bar.

Cajun food in M

ontana seems w

eird, but C

afe Zy

dec

o is so good! Gum

bo, jambalaya,

shrimp & grits, po’boys! You can find C

afeZydeco in M

issoula, Billings, Bozeman &

Helena!

YELLO

WS

TO

NE, but not the park, the river.

Yellowstone R

iver is the last free-flowing river

in the lower 48 states. As it flow

s through MT,

it sees many different landscapes, from

deep-w

alled canyons to wide & lazy farm

land.

Do you know

what X

EN

AG

OG

Y means? It

means like a guidebook sort of thing. This is

sort of like a Montana guidebook kind of?

So there you go. X is for Xenagogy.

YOU Gotta \know whenTO FOLD 'eMHOW

download & print the PDF on a regular piece of 8.5” x 11” paper, and follow these easy steps to fold into a tiny six-page book!

page 1

So go! Drive safe! Be nice! Have fun!

TORRINGTON GOPHER HOLE MUSEUM208 1 ST S, Torrington(403)631-2133Definitely worth the detour to go see Torrington’sonly attraction! This little museum features 75+ taxidermied gophers, dressed in their finest outfits,displayed in the most amazing diorama scenes. Admission is the best $3 you’ve ever spent, and there’seven a gift shop. Don’t forget to read through the guestbook which includes letters from visitors from all overthe world. When driving through the town, take note ofthe fire hydrants which have all been painted to look like, you guessed it, gophers.

Rowleyghost town pizza partYIf you find yourself with an open schedule on the lastSaturday of the month, head over to Rowley for someghost town good times! Sam’s Saloon swings open their doors around 5pm and people come for miles for one of their famous pizzas. Expect to wait a littlelonger than usual for your pie, (yes, it gets THAT busy) but have no fear - the beer is cold & the crowdis friendly! Next pizza night is scheduled for June 24,followed by July 29. Follow @RowleyAlberta on FBfor more details.

Torrington

Sam’s Saloon, Hamlet of RowleyStarland County

kneehill countyBLERIOT FERRYAB-838, Kneehill County

(403)631-2133Operating from late April to early November, this ferry

is the best. It’s basically just a giant piece of wood

that you drive onto and then it takes you to the other

side of the Red Deer River and the whole trip takes

about 2 minutes. But it’s an awesome 2 minutes.

DRUMHELLER!

THE FERRY

BASICALLY

TAKES YOU TO

Depending on which side of the ferry you get off on,make sure you stop and check out the views & stuffat Horsethief Canyon on the East Bank of the RedDeer River. Rumor has it that back in the day, horsesbeing smuggled illegally between the United States and Alberta were supposedly hidden in this canyon!

Drumheller is famous for a lot of things, so I’m not

going to bother elaborating on things like:

the Royal Tyrell Museum, The World’s Largest

Dinosaur, Bernie & the Boys Burgers (as seen on

Diners, Drive-In’s + Dives) or that man who sits on

the bus bench and will take you on a ghost tour.

You can google that stuff.

The Little ChurchNorth Side of North Dinosaur Trail, between the Royal Tyrell Museum &the Golf Course.Built in 1968 as an actual place of worship, the signbeside this little white church says “Seating 10,000people, 6 at a time.” With 6 one-person pews, this 11 foot tall x 7 foot wide church is a pretty cute photo-op stop!

Drumheller & area All of this stuff is either in Drumheller, or super close, like 20 minutes driving time.

ATLAS COAL MINE

110 Century Drive W, East Coulee

Atlas Coal Mine is a National Historic Site, and home

to the country’s last standing coal tipple. The Atlas is

is the last mine standing out of 139 that used to rule

the valley. It’s truthfully not much to see, but if you’re

into history & stuff you’ll probably think it’s cool.

Longbranch Saloon1606 N. Dinosaur Trail, Drumheller (403)823-6788This bar is the perfect place to stop and grab a beerafter a hot motorbike ride through the Badlands. Bellyup to the bar and get yourself a cold one, then relaxon the patio or try your luck on the VLT’s. The decor is the perfect amount of western kitsch, andthe washrooms are fully stocked with whatever youneed to freshen up/fix your helmet hair!

STAR MINE SUSPENSION BRIDGElook for the sign along East Coulee Road near RosedaleThis bridge is my nightmare because I don’t like thingslike this. Regardless, I have carefully crept along all 117 meters of this terrifying contraption quite a fewtimes, because I am a good friend and waiting in the car seems rude. Built in 1931, this bridge was used by coal miners to get to the mines, (I made that up, but I’d imagine that’s why.) PS - once you get to theother side it’s nothing special over there either. Everyone I go with loves it, so you may as well go.

rosedalein the 2016 census, Rosedalerecorded a population of 313.

Asteroid 163 Centre Street, Rosedale (403)823-2205This is the place that looks like a real-life bouncy castle? Do you know the one I mean? It seems like it’s always closed, but it’s seasonal, so if you do happen to rip past and notice it’s open, turn around and go back. Theirburgers are pretty good!

TOP ROCKER11 - 2 Ave North, Rosedale, (403)823-GEAR The roads of the Badlands were made for motorbiking, and Top Rocker is here to take care of any gear you might need during your ride. Leather? Check. Helmets? Check. Oil? Check. Beer? Check. Burgers? Check. Great place for a patio pit stop!

wayne11 BRIDGES TO WAYNEOn your way from Rosedale to Wayne, take note of the 11 one-lane metal bridges that span approx 6km of thesedusty roads. The bridges were built to transport coal to thelocal mining communities, and are in the Guinness Book of World Records as the most bridges found in the shortestdistance.

LAst chance saloon555 Jewel Street, Rosedale (403)823-9189The Last Chance Saloon is my favourite place in Alberta.The beer is cold and served in quart sealers, and the staffis the best. Roll up on any given weekend in the summerand expect to be surrounded by bikers stopping in for a quick bite mid-ride. Think you might partake in more than a couple beers? Inquire about a room upstairs* - for around$70 you can stay in a clean theme room (I’ve stayed in allof them and highly recommend the Honeymoon Suite - laya couple blankets down in the clawfoot tub and you’ve gota whole extra bed for someone!) or pitch your tent right out back! Check their Facebook page for live band listings,and be sure to check out their annual music festival, Waynestock which runs from Sept 1 - 4 this year!(*Rumour has it the hotel is haunted, but in all my nights spent there, the only paranormal activity I’ve witnessed was coming out of the bedroom of another guest who hada little too much to drink, but as far as ghosts go, I’ve never seen any.)

Oh! Try to sweet-talk one of the staff into playing the Band Box for you. It’s one of only two in Canada, and the little creepy dolls pop out of the curtains and play Benny Goodman selections from the Big Band Era! Totally weird.

homeward boundThere are a couple different ways to head back to Calgary,but my favourite way is this way.

HORSESHOE CANYONAlong Hwy 9As you might be able to tell, I prefer seedy saloons overstunning scenery, but even I am impressed by the viewsat Horseshoe Canyon. For like, 5 minutes. Then it’s timeto hop back in the car and head to Beiseker.

beisekerFirst of all, Beiseker is awesome because the village slogan is “Crossroads to the Future.” What? Second of all, the village mascot is a skunk named Squirt.

SQUIRT485 4 Ave, Beiseker, (403)888-9730The Squirt statue is 13 feet tall and it is the cutest roadside mascot you will ever see, except for maybe that giant blueberry in Oxford, Nova Scotia. It’s located inside the Beiseker campground, so take a drive by tosay Hi to the not-so-little guy!

LAZY Ace saloon610 Hwy 9, Beiseker, (403)947-3300

If you’re itchin’ to hit just one more saloon before home,

this is your place! They’ve got beer, they’ve got VLT’s,

they’ve got surprisingly awesome food that comes from

the place next door...which I think is also a gas station

but who cares - the food is great!

Hello, fellow adventurers!

Summer is here which means it’s time to get outtatown! Gather up your funnest friends, put together the perfect playlist, and hit the road!

Already used up all your vacation days? Don’t worry!Alberta has plenty of places to visit that will have you out, about & home by the time you need to be back at your desk.

This little issue will be taking you East from Calgaryand into the Badlands, but not just your typical Dinosaur-Museum-and-hike-through-the-hoodoosBadlands. Not that there’s anything wrong with that,but there’s so much more to see & drink out there!

page 1 page 2

page 3page 4page 5page 6

page 7

Good Times

1 2 3this is what your piece of

paper should look like. fold it in half.fold it in half

the other way.

fold it in half two moretimes so you have 8 sections.4

get a blade and slice the pagein the middle. look at the picture

so you don’t screw it up!5

fold it in half and push edgestowards the middle so the sliced

part opens up like a diamond.6

keep pushing theedges together until

the diamond does a weird thing and

looks like this

7

now you gottatry to sort of �atten

it out and push itdown like a little

booklet. pay attentionto the page numbers,that will help for real.

8

now it should looklike a book! go overthe creases to makethem sharp. I use a

boning tool (best name) but you

can use anything that’skinda hard/soft.

9Good Times

summer 2017

ok! that’s it! you’re done! now put it in your wallet or your

bag and have it ready for the next time you’re itchin’ to get outta town!

COWBOYTRAIL

guideA z

I

MONTANA

guideA z

I

MONTANA