Existance

Dank's Point Of View

By Abbi Glines

The Beginning

The moment she spotted me, I knew it. Granted, she did a really good job of pretending she

couldn't see me. The fact she halted in her steps the moment her eyes met mine, then quickly

darted past me as she hurried into the school, gave her away. Students walked past me all

morning without seeing me but this one saw me. I stood up from the wooden picnic table,

where I'd been sitting awaiting her arrival. I could force her to acknowledge me by becoming

visible to everyone else but I wasn’t in the mood to do so just yet. The determination in her

eyes intrigued me. If there hadn’t been a parking lot full of witnesses, I have the feeling she

would have yelled at me instead of cowering like most humans. The monotony of my existence

didn't hold much promise of entertainment. I’d play her games for awhile. Games were fun to

play and it'd been much too long since I’d come across a worthy opponent, especially a female

one...

Scene at the Lockers

The only explanation was the kid must be an idiot. When Pagan wasn’t looking his way he

pathetically ogled her. Then when she glanced over at him, he acted as if he hadn’t just two

seconds ago been panting after her like a damn dog. If it wasn’t for the incredibly odd

possessive streak I felt toward the girl, I’d make him see the error of his ways. I didn’t like the

fact she wanted his attention. I sure as hell wasn’t going to help him out. Watching the

disappointed little frown on her mouth made something inside me stir. I couldn’t place it

exactly because it was a new emotion. Not anything I was familiar with.

Pagan tugged her book bag up higher on her shoulder as she pushed through the bodies of

students filling the halls. I couldn’t stand by and watch her so unhappy. Instead of staying in

the background shadowing her like I’d been doing for weeks in order to ease the strange

tightness in my chest only her absence could provoke, I spoke up.

“Don’t look at him next time. It’ll drive him crazy.”

Her eyes flicked a quick glance over at me but she didn’t miss a beat. I didn’t like it that her

scowl deepened. Granted most people weren’t crazy about me but I wanted Pagan to like me.

Admitting that simple fact was humbling and it bugged the hell out of me. She stopped in front

of her locker still ignoring me even though I made sure she could see me.

“He’s trying to play hard to get. Kind of proves what a child he is, but I can see it’s bothering

you.”

“I’m not bothered,” she responded through clenched teeth and opened her locker.

“Yes, you are. There is this little wrinkle between your eyebrows that appears and you nibble

your bottom lip when something bothers you.”

That got her attention. She froze and turned her head slowly to peek at me through her

cascade of dark hair. It reminded me of silk. I liked silk. Especially dark silk. The scowl was gone

and an odd feeling of accomplishment washed over me. I’d been the one to cause that tiny

smile forming on her lips. Why did something so simple make me feel like a freaking king?

“You’re missing the public display of affection across the hall between your two buddies. They

may need you to throw a bucket of ice water on them.”

I’d barely glanced over at Miranda and Wyatt. All I could see when Pagan was around was...

well... Pagan. But I knew making a joke about her friend’s constant grope session would make

that tiny smile break out into a full fledge grin.

“There that’s better. I like it when you’re smiling. If the football kid keeps making you frown

I’m going to take matters into my own hands.”

Did I really just say that? I was going to have to watch my words. Before she could respond, I

faded away. I wasn’t about to answer to that minor slip of the tongue. She couldn’t see me any

longer although I hadn’t moved. Her shoulders lifted and fell back down as she let out a loud

frustrated sigh. She turned to walk toward her next class and I was glad she couldn’t hear my

laughter. I’m positive my amusement at her frustration wouldn’t please her. But damn that girl

fascinated me.

Death Breaks the Rules

This was it. Fate had played out just as planned and the idiot kid she was interested in would

be the reason she left today. For the first time in my existence, this felt wrong. The pull to be

there. The pull to take her soul. It wasn’t stronger than my need to keep her alive.

I stood watching her talk to her silly friend. Pagan wasn’t hearing a word her friend was saying.

Instead, her eyes were scanning the hallway for the boy. Watching this was more than I could

handle right now. I had a fight on my hands and this was the last thing I needed to witness. I

decided to wait outside. Maybe it would be easier than I thought to change the course of fate.

As if right on cue, Pagan emerged from the building with tears glistening in her eyes. This was

becoming a freaking runaway train I couldn’t stop. Dammit! I had to do something. Change

things somehow.

“Don’t leave. He isn’t worth it.” I heard the pleading in my voice as I fell into step beside her.

“I don’t want to stay. I’m angry and I just want to leave.” Of course she did. That was the grand

plan. I had to stop her.

“Please, Pagan, don’t get in your car. Go back inside. Forget the stupid kid and enjoy the rest of

your day. Don’t let something that idiot did send you running.”

She stopped walking and hope soared inside my chest. It was an odd feeling. It was... an

emotion. I was experiencing an emotion. A strong one.

“Why do you care if I leave? Are you the new hall monitor and I missed the memo?”

This was it. I could change things. I could keep her alive.

“I’m begging you to go back in the school.”

“Why?”

A growl of frustration erupted from my chest. She was so stubborn. “Do you have to question

everything? Can’t you just listen for once?”

Annoyance took the place of hurt in her eyes and her posture snapped to attention, “I’m

leaving here. You can’t stop me. I don’t have to listen to you. If you don’t have a good excuse

then there is no reason for me to stay.”

She spun around and headed to her car. I’d tried. Nothing short of physically holding her here

would keep her from getting in that blasted car and leaving. The pull was still there. Pagan’s

life was still marked. Nothing I’d done had changed anything. I’d only slowed it down.

I was going to have to break the rules. What the penalty was I wasn’t sure but I wouldn’t be

able to continue on if I had to take Pagan’s soul. She was young. There was so much she hadn’t

experienced yet. And... I was selfish. I wasn’t ready to let her go.

I watched as her car spun out of the parking lot before joining her in order to completely

change her soul’s fate.

I sat anxiously watching her wondering at what moment the accident would happen. How it

would happen. She couldn’t see me sitting in the passenger’s seat beside her. I’d made sure of

that. If I was going to completely alter fate, I at least needed to keep some things hidden from

her.

She wasn’t going to stop. The stop sign loomed up ahead but Pagan was looking in her mirror.

This was it.

“Pagan please look at the road,” I begged even though I knew she couldn’t hear me. The large

truck wasn’t slowing down either.

“THE ROAD,” I roared again wishing I could just make myself visible or at the least speak to her

soul but I’d only make matters worse if I did. So instead, I did the only thing I could do, I

grabbed the steering wheel and kept the car from rolling down the side of the embankment. I

didn’t want her body damaged.

The truck’s horn blared and the impact wasn’t directly on Pagan’s side. I made sure of that. It

hit the front pushing the steering wheel towards her chest. Quickly, I unbuckled her seatbelt

and lifted her gently from the car.

Gasping for air loudly as I held her, I realized she’d been unable to breathe. Damn I hated this. I

wanted to rush her to the hospital myself keeping her safe in my arms. But I couldn’t. I’d

already done too much. I laid her gently on the ground and held her hand whispering

promises I knew I could keep while I waited on the ambulance. She didn’t move. Her eyes

didn’t even flutter but she was breathing. Her heart was beating. I wasn’t taking this soul

today. A panicked murmur escaped her lips and I bent down to sing in her ear. I didn’t stop

when I heard the sirens. I didn’t stop when they began working over her body. I didn’t stop

until they lifted her and placed her securely in the ambulance.

Followed Her Home

Fear hung heavy in the air. Pagan was unaware I’d followed her home. She didn’t trust my

promise to keep her safe. That simple truth infuriated me. Feeling fear was a part of my life.

My presence created fear. I was immune to the familiar bitter taste it left in my mouth. But

Pagan’s fear bothered me. I didn’t like it.

I stood in her doorway watching as she nibbled on her bottom lip nervously. This was not how

it was supposed to be. I’d saved her from death. Fear shouldn’t be an emotion she had to deal

with anymore.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. Her scream died almost instantly as her eyes focused on me.

“Dank,” she gasped pressing her hand against her heart. I could hear it racing inside her chest

from across the room.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize you were so wound up about this.” I walked into the room, watching her

closely as she sank back down onto the bed she’d jumped up from when I’d startled her.

“Well excuse me if strange souls showing up in my house, talking to me and touching me freak

me out a little.” She shot me an accusatory look, “Then, I ask you about it and you curse into

the darkness and get all angry.”

Damn. It always came back to this. She wanted to know too much. Things I couldn’t tell her. I

needed to keep her safe. Knowledge was dangerous. Needing to be near her, I sat down beside

her on the small bed. The smell of honey warmed me. Her hair always smelled completely

edible.

“I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have scared you that way.”

“Well, can you tell me what is happening, who she is?”

I shook my head turning my eyes away from her. If I let myself look into those pleading dark

pools of hers, I’d cave. “No, that’s the only thing I can’t do for you. Ask me anything else in the

world, Pagan, and I’ll make sure it’s yours but that I cannot do.”

She sighed and sat up straighter, “Why’re you here, then?”

Because they were trying to fix what I’d done. They wouldn’t just leave it alone. I was Death. I

could decide to allow life. It was my choice. I made it my choice. But I couldn’t tell her any of

that.

“Until I know everything is fine...until I take care of what must be done, I’ll be spending the

nights here in your room.” I turned my eyes back to hers and held her gaze. I wanted her to

understand that she had nothing to fear.

“I have to protect you,” I paused then motioned toward the door, “If you want to take that

shower, I’ll make sure you’re completely safe while you do so.”

Relief came over her face then a small frown quickly replaced it. “Can you read my mind?”

She didn’t want me reading her thoughts. Interesting. “Not exactly. It’s more like I can feel

your fears so strongly I can hear them.”

She studied me for a moment as if remembering something that confused her.

“You heard me in the cafeteria when you were with Kendra, I wasn’t scared then.”

Ah, yes I felt her fear that day. I’d reveled in that fear. Knowing she cared about the blond

flirting with me eased the ache in my chest caused from the sight of her snuggled up against

Leif’s side.

“You weren’t?” I asked unable to keep the smirk off my face.

Her face turned an adorable shade of red before she spun around and rushed out of the room.

The Bedroom Scene

“I hate the color red almost as much as I hate blond hair.”

My need to reassure her was going to completely botch my plan to push her away. But

watching her pout over my going to this stupid dance with Kendra was difficult. I didn’t like to

be the reason she was unhappy. Couldn’t she see this was what was best for her? The frown

on her face and range of emotions flashing in her eyes told me she didn’t believe me. As much

as I needed to put distance between us, I couldn’t leave her like this.

Standing, I closed the distance between us. Just this once I’d forget why touching Pagan was

wrong. As my chest brushed against her back, her small body shivered. Closing my eyes I bit

back a curse. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself now. This was a form of control I’d never had to

exercise. I wasn’t sure I even knew how. Wrapping my arms around her, I pressed her back

firmly against my chest. Pleasure coursed through me and I tightened my hold. The fear that

I’d never be able to release her now I’d held her, seeped into my thoughts.

“She means nothing to me.”

Her body trembled and my need to own her became unbearable.

“I would never lie to you, Pagan,” I whispered against her ear. She tilted her head back to stare

up at me. Lowering my head I kissed the soft skin on the top of her ear. The smell of her skin

was delicious. Unlike anything I’d ever experienced. I continued kissing the delicate skin along

her face. Inhaling the intoxicating aroma it presented. My hands found her hips and I worried

the fierce grip I had on her might bruise her. But I couldn’t force myself to relax my demanding

hold.

“You tempt me. I can’t be tempted. I’m not made to be tempted but you, Pagan Moore, you

tempt me. From the moment I came for you I was drawn in. Everything about you...” I needed

to touch more of her. I ran a hand along the exposed skin on her arm. It heated under my

touch. “You make me crazy with need. With want. I didn’t understand it at first. But now I

know. It’s your soul calling to me. Souls mean nothing to me. They aren’t supposed to. But

yours has become my obsession.” Instead of cowering away from me in fear, like a normal

human would when Death was admitting to being obsessed with them, Pagan leaned against

me full of trust. Her neck exposed as her head fell back on my shoulder. That skin would be

warm and delicate. I lowered my head and kissed the gentle curve there. Enjoying the

excitement of her racing pulse beneath my lips.

“I want to kill that boy every time I see his hands on you.” I trailed kisses up her neck as she

shifted closer to me full of expectation. “I want to rip his arms from his body so he can’t touch

you again.” Unable to hold back the growl inside of me caused by the possessive emotion that

only Pagan had ever managed bring out of Death. This was wrong. I couldn't own her. I

couldn’t have her. I was Death. She was human. I couldn’t claim her soul for myself. Agony

ripped through me.

“But I can’t have you, Pagan. You’re not meant for me.” I whispered harshly. Wanting more

than anything to change this. I needed to leave her. This was only going to hurt her more in the

end. Picking her up, I cradled her against me for only a moment. Filing away the memory of

how she felt wrapped up in my arms, then I laid her on the bed and quickly stood up. I couldn’t

continue to touch her.

“Please,” she whispered.

I couldn’t witness the pleading etched on her face. Closing my eyes tightly I wanted to explain

it all. Make her understand. But I couldn’t. The less she knew. The safer she was. So instead, I

told her the only thing I could, “I can’t, Pagan. It would destroy us both.” Without opening my

eyes to see her one last time, I vanished.

The Kiss

She was defending me. Intelligent, honest, talented, and compassionate. No one had ever

defended me. The silly blond in my arms let out a trill of giggles unappealingly similar to the

sound of fingernails on a chalkboard. This isn’t where I wanted to be. I’d stayed because of

Pagan. Being near her, watching her, touching her, those were all the reasons I’d made this

choice. Yet, here I stood forcing myself to tolerate the annoying girl draping her body against

mine.

The door to the gym opened as Pagan shot one last look my way then disappeared outside.

What was she thinking? She didn’t need to be alone. She knew this. Glaring angrily toward the

boy she’d left behind, I almost felt sympathy toward him. He hadn’t meant to upset her. But

the simple fact their fight was over me gave me some ridiculous amount of joy.

“Go play with your friends for awhile Kendra,” I ordered before detaching myself from her

claws. I needed to guard Pagan.

If I didn’t know better I’d swear she wasn’t real. The gulf breeze caused her hair to gently

dance around her shoulders giving her an ethereal appearance. The confusion, sadness, anger

were all rolling off her in waves. Knowing I had something to do with those emotions pained

me.

“Why aren’t you inside dancing with your date?” I asked.

Her head snapped up and relief flickered in her eyes before she shrugged and turned her gaze

from mine so she could stare at her feet.

“He’s looking rather forlorn sitting at a table all alone,” I said softly hoping to defuse the real

reason I was here. She did’t need to know how desperately I needed to be near her. She

shrugged again and continued to study her feet. I couldn’t keep from letting the amused

laughter escape me. Her attempt at acting as if she wasn’t just as happy to have me alone as I

was to have her all to myself was cute. “So, have you decided to try the ignoring me thing

again, to see if I go away?”

Biting her bottom lip, she shook her head no. “I know that doesn’t work with you.”

“Why are you out here, Pagan? What’s wrong?” I wanted to hear her say it. Why? I wasn’t

sure. It would only torture me further. But I needed to know she desired me too.

“Nothing that concerns you,” she tartly replied.

Grinning at her attempt to act indifferent when I could hear her heart racing in her chest, I

managed to keep from out right laughing.

“Really?” I asked

“Really.”

I closed the distance between us, “Seeing me dance with Kendra doesn’t bother you?”

She shook her head and her chest began rising and falling erratically with each quick breath. I

let my eyes travel down her dress and enjoyed the simple fact she’d bought it for me. I’d

suggested this color. This dress hadn’t been bought for the quarterback. The need to growl my

approval was overwhelming.

“I knew pale pink would suit you. Most girls can’t pull it off but on you it’s perfect.”

Her pale throat constricted as she swallowed hard. I affected her. I reveled in that knowledge.

“You think I don’t want to touch you the way I touch Kendra. You’re right.”

Pagan stepped back away from me. The pain in her eyes almost brought me to my knees. I

hadn’t meant to hurt her. Immediately, I reached out and grabbed her hand and pulled her

against me. This was what I’d tried so hard to keep from happening. The more we touched the

stronger my need to possess her became. But right now, I needed to erase the look in her

eyes. Nothing else mattered.

"When I touch Kendra I mentally cringe at having to continue to pull off the farce of being

interested in her. When I can’t control my need for you and allow myself to touch you it ignites

a monster inside of me that I’m afraid I’ll lose control over. You make me feel things I’ve never

felt before. Something happens,” I paused and let my gaze drop to her full pink lips, “when I’m

near you like this.” I couldn’t stop myself. I needed more. Gently I ran my thumb over her

bottom lip. The silky texture caused a sharp hot painful need to grip me. I closed my eyes from

the intoxicating sight of her mouth and tried hard to fight for control. “And when you react

the way you do, I feel the clawing inside me to take what I want.”

The soft warm breaths against my thumb might as well have been iron bars wrapping around

me pulling me toward her. Making me hers. Opening my eyes, I stared directly into hers. I

needed her to understand. To let me go.

“You’re the one thing I want the most in the world yet the one thing I cannot have. Because to

have you completely would be impossible. You can’t go where I walk.” Unable to step away, I

cradled her face in my hands. “The purpose of my existence is not to have a mate. It is lonely

and cold. Until now it has been all I’ve known. Then you became the appointed and everything

changed.”

Something irreparable was happening. I couldn’t harm her. I wasn’t meant for her. Terrified I’d

gone too far, risked her life with my obsessive need, I quickly stepped away from her.

Desperate to save her from myself.

“Go, Pagan. Run, please, run. I am not what you think I am. I am not ‘intelligent, honest,

talented, and compassionate’ although hearing you say those words in my defense felt like

warm liquid pouring through my cold veins. You want to know what I am and I can’t tell you. If

you knew, I wouldn’t have to beg you to run.”

I needed to leave now. This was a mistake. As I began walking off, I heard her running after

me. Didn’t she hear me? I’d told her so much more than she was supposed to know. Stopping,

I slowly turned back around and glared at her. Maybe fear was the only solution. But the

instant I saw it flicker across her face, I recoiled. I couldn’t scare her. Souls feared me. But not

her. Never her. That wasn’t what I wanted.

“I don’t care what you are,” she stated loudly taking a step toward me, “You can’t scare me off

and I’m not running away. What is it the song you sing to me says? ‘Yet you stay. Holding on to

me, yet you stay, reaching out a hand that I push away. The cold is not meant for you yet you

stay, you stay, you stay. When I know it’s not right for you’."

She’d memorized my words to her. My chest felt as if someone had ripped it in two.

“Go, Pagan. Now. I can’t control myself much longer,” I managed to whisper through my

pain.

Instead, she took another cautious step toward me. The pleading look in her eyes was my

undoing. How could I stay away? A growl erupted from my chest and I seized her in one swift

movement. My mouth was on hers instantly. I needed to know her flavor. To experience it.

This was the only chance I’d have to taste her and I wanted it all. I nipped her bottom lip then

gently soothed the bite with my tongue. She was delicious. She was exotic. I needed more. Her

small hands grabbed handfuls of my shirt and I wanted to roar in triumph. I was no longer in

control of my choices. Pagan was. I’d do anything to keep her. The sweet taste that I could give

no label because it was uniquely hers consumed me.

Somewhere in the haze of the ecstasy I sensed danger. But Pagan controlled me now. Her soul

owned me. I began tasting the soft skin along her neck as words Death should never promise

anyone spilled from my lips. The touch of her hands sent a tremble through me as she grabbed

my face and claimed my mouth. More. I needed more. Mine. She was mine. Then I recognized

the danger. Her soul was releasing from her body. With each hungry touch from Death she

relinquished herself to me. Terror washed over me as I jerked out of her embrace and stepped

back.

“I can’t, Pagan. I want this so damn bad. But I can’t.”

Before she could stop me, I fled.