FACC Fall Academy

Effective Business Writing

October 2021

Florida Institute of Government

Trainer: Anne Schroeder Fort Myers, FL

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Effective Business Writing

Itisnotjustinprofessionalface-to-faceinteractionsthatwemustgetitrightthefirsttime.Thesamecanbesaidinwrittencorrespondence,especiallywhenyouaresubmittingaproposal,anagenda,anexecutivesummary,oranemail.Yourcommunicationshavethepowertoestablishrapport,clarifyworkintent,andsolveproblems.Whetheryouneedabusinesswritingrefresherorasolidintroductorycourse,thisworkshopwillsharpenyourknowledgeandskillsoncurrentbestpracticesofeffectivebusinesswriting.

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"The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do." ~ Thomas Jefferson

______________________________________________________________________________ Edit the material in the box. Delete unnecessary words.

HOW TO WRITE EFFECTIVELY

The task of developing clear and concise writing is not a difficult one. You simply determine what is the best way that you can present your subject. Then write it for the potential audience

the very simplest way.

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The average American reads at a _____ grade level.

Plus, everyone is busy.

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Plain Language Campaign The Plain Writing Act was signed on October 13, 2010. The law requires that federal agencies use clear government communication that the public can understand and use. Then-Governor Charlie Crist issued an executive order in January 2008 to ensure that documents and other communications issued by his office were clear and concise. See www.plainlanguage.gov • Everyday words • Short sentences and paragraphs • Logical organization • Active voice • Easy-to-read design • Pronouns Everyday Words • Use everyday words as in these examples: "start" rather than "commence," "learn" or "find

out" rather than "ascertain." • Eliminate redundant words such as "serious crisis."

• Reduce negative words such as "unfortunately," and "never." Tell your reader what you can do rather than what you can't do. The science of NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) is based on the conscious use of language to bring about changes in someone's thoughts and behavior. "We cannot honor your request" can be "Here are alternate steps you can take ..." NLP assumes that the brain doesn't like to be told what not to do. That's confusing and requires extra work.

• Sometimes you have to say "no." Tell why. See page 11 for Negative Response Letters. ACTIVITY — Rewrite these sentences. 1. It's imperative that we must adhere to the exact word of the law. _____________________________________________________________________________ 2. Unfortunately, your nomination for Citizen of the Year was not selected this year, but your

nomination will be kept for future consideration of this prestigious award. _____________________________________________________________________________ 3. At this point in time the new software is scheduled for installation in November 2021. _____________________________________________________________________________

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Logical Organization Create easy-to-read documents using proper sequencing. In high school English, we learned to include three sections: Opening, Explanation (Details), and Closing. A visual representation is a diamond shape. • The OPENING provides the purpose. It explains why the reader should read the document. • The EXPLANATION includes details about the subject. • The CLOSING often includes a "thank you," an action date if needed, and how to get in touch. Easy-to-Read Design Make the main point(s) stand out. Space is at a premium, more than ever if read on a mobile device. • Headlines are helpful. • Use bolded words for emphasis. • Bulleted words and vertical lists are easier than sentences; capitalize the first word. • Use tables for complex material. • Develop an executive summary for longer documents. Short Sentence and Paragraphs Remember that people are busy and that the average reading level is ____th grade in the US. • A short sentence is 2 - 3 lines on your computer screen. Vary your sentence length. • A short paragraph is 3 - 8 sentences. • Check again to cut unnecessary words • Direct sentences start with a noun followed closely with a verb. ACTIVITY — Rewrite these sentences for clarity and brevity. 1. Should you require additional information, please do not hesitate to contact me. ____________________________________________________________________________ 2. Please note that we will arrange for an all-staff training activity in the event that the budget

is approved. _____________________________________________________________________________

Opening

Details

Closing

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Active Voice Think of active voice as the actor taking responsibility for the action. It emphasizes the person or thing performing an action. This style is considered stronger writing. When you need to be tactful, sometimes passive voice is preferred. The decision about active versus passive voice often depends on what takes center stage. • Examples: Jessica wrote the memo. The memo was written by Jessica. ACTIVITY — Rewrite these sentences to show active voice.

The data in the report was misquoted by one of our employees. ______________________________________________________________________________ The decision to move forward must be made by the City Clerk's Office. ______________________________________________________________________________

Pronouns A pronoun is a stand-in word for a noun. First identify the person or entity and then use the proper pronoun. The reader is generally "you," and the organization is "we." ACTIVITY — Place pronouns and edit the paragraph to make it more readable.

The applicant requesting a Florida public record must put the applicant's request in writing so

that the City Clerk's Office can determine the eligibility of the applicant's request. The City

Clerk's Office will also determine the cost associated with the applicant's request. The City Clerk

will notify the applicant regarding all relevant information.

Document Types

Each document type uses a different format and follows predictable protocols. • Letters • Contracts • Memos • Proposals • Emails • Job Descriptions • Texts • Policies/Procedures • Reports • Press Releases • Minutes

ACTIVITY — Which do you most often create? Which are your favorites — and least favorites? ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________

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Business Letters

Letterhead Date Recipient's Address Subject of Letter (Optional) Salutation Main Point Supporting Details Conclusion Closing Signature Typed Name Work Title Contact Information Reference Initials

City of Brooksville 201 Howell Avenue, Brooksville, FL 34601

October 4, 2021 Ms. Jane Doe, Activities Director University of Central Florida 1000 University Blvd. Orlando, FL 32816-0177 Re: Career Day Participation Dear Ms. Doe: I would like to attend the University of Florida's Career Day again this year to recruit an intern for the City of Brookville. If I may participate, please let me know the date, time, and location of your program. I look forward to meeting with UCF students and the possibility of finding an intern interested in working with local government. Sincerely yours, Les Verbose Les Verbose Deputy City Clerk City of Brooksville, Florida 352-555-1212 LV/ms

Specifics • Single spaced, double after paragraph • Block format, flush left • 11 - 12-point font • Get to the point • Hand signing is desirable

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ACTIVITY — A real letter submitted by the City of Lakeland for your evaluation and editing. Make any changes directly on the document. September 13, 2021 Department of State Attn: xxxxxxxxxxxx R.A. Gray Building 500 South Bronough Street Tallahassee, Florida 32399-0250. Dear Mr. xxxxxxx: I am sending you a certified copy of the City of Lakeland Ordinance 5887 accepting Lakeland Area Mass Transit District annexation. This is not a typical City annexation but does involve boundaries. If you have any questions, please feel free to give me a call. Sincerely, Taylor A. Swift City Clerk TAS Enc.

Taylor Swift City Clerk 863.555.1212

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Memos

Memorandum — City of Paradise Island Subject: Work Hours To: All City Clerk Employees From: Ryan Gosling, City Clerk Date: October 8, 2021 (can be placed before subject) Beginning Monday, November 1, 2021, regular work hours will be from 8:30 AM - 5:00 PM. Flextime for those who wish to apply will resume April 18, 2022. ACTIVITY — Write a sample memo from your city. Then share it with one other participant. Evaluate and make desired changes. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ QUICK PRACTICE — Circle the correct spelling. 1. a) acessory b) accessory c) accesory 2. a) mileage b) milege c) milage 3. a) lecturn b) lectern c) lecterne 4. a) questionnaire b) questionare c) questionare 5. a) accomodate b) accommodate c) acommodate 6. a) liason b) liasion c) liaison

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Emails Email has become indispensable for communicating in the workplace, and it has also brought down prominent careers. Here are a few things to consider before pressing the SEND button. • Keep emails short. Most should be no more than 1-10 sentences. Communicate your main

point in the first sentence or two. Use bullet items. • Use the subject line effectively: Use subject line for whole message: Meet 10:00 10/29 Okay? • List your contact information at the bottom if the e-mail is sent externally. • Be clear about a response to someone’s question or request. Sending an email that says, in

its entirety, “yes,” is not helpful. • Be careful about smiley faces, "reply all," or cc-ing a person's supervisor. ACTIVITY — A real email submitted by a Florida city for your evaluation and editing. Make any changes directly on the document. (Names have been changed.) Hispanic Heritage Parade George Clooney <GClooney@cityofSawgrass> Good afternoon Betsy, Sandra is no longer with the City. I will be happy to assist you in any way possible. I have attached the link to the new Street Closure Form. If you have any questions, please let me know. https://www.cityofsawgrass.us/sites/g/files/vyhlif4206/f/uploads/policy_2-2021_cob_street_closure_- special_event_application_june_2021_final_fillable_form_1_0.pdf George Clooney, B.A., CMC Deputy City Clerk City of Sawgrass 306 Gator Ave. Sawgrass, FL 34609 Visit us on the Web https://www.cityofsawgrass.us/

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More Editing Tips

Details, Details • Commas — Use the serial comma when needed, also known as the Oxford comma. • Semicolons — Use to separate two independent clauses and a long series of items. • Apostrophes — Use to show omitted letters, some plural forms, possession. • Hyphens — They separate words that belong together, such as two-fold and check-in. • Dashes — Use as a substitute for commas and for more emphasis. • Quotation marks — always go outside commas and periods. They go inside semicolons and

quotation marks • Spacing — Use one space between sentences. Word Wax Empty words clutter business writing. Drop them with no loss of meaning ACTIVITY — Draw a line through the empty words. Example: Please forward your check in the amount of $3.60. 1. Our office issues the report on a monthly basis. 2. Please review the contents of this report. 3. Attached is a copy of the Florida statute on records requests. 4. The office will finalize its decision at a later date. 5. The office will be open from the hours of 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM. 6. The new building is located on Seventh Avenue. 7. These decisions are only temporary in nature. 8. The report includes material on the subject of office safety. 9. Use this form until such time as we send you further instructions. 10. Keep this manual for reference purposes. 11. It is the practice of most banks to charge for cashing checks. 12. Their ad was much larger in size than ours. 13. Allow an interval of about two weeks for delivery. 14. The instructions are arranged in the form of sections. 15. You may purchase each page for a cost of 15 cents.

Quote: "Write for your reader, not your ego." ~ Gerry McGovern, author

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Commas ACTIVITY — Circle the item that best answers the question. A Comedy of Commas by Maxwell Nurnberg (adapted) 1. Which sentence shows extraordinary powers of persuasion? a. I left him convinced he was a fool. b. I left him, convinced he was a fool. 2. Which is the golf foursome? a. Henry James and I will play golf with you tomorrow. b. Henry, James, and I will play golf with you tomorrow. 3. Which headline seems grotesque? a. SENATE GROUP EATS CHICKEN, CABINET SPOUSES, SEAFOOD. b. SENATE GROUP EATS CHICKEN; CABINET SPOUSES, SEAFOOD. 4. Which is unflattering to the play? a. The play ended, happily. b. The play ended happily. 5. Which is harder to do? a. Do not break your bread or roll in your soup. b. Do not break your bread, or roll in your soup. Apostrophes ACTIVITY — Place apostrophes where needed. 1. Thats too bad. 2. He graduated high school in 82. 3. She dots all her is and crosses all her ts. 4. I havent written my thank yous. 5. Thats Susans desk. 6. The witness memory was vague on that point. 7. You have heard both the builders stories. 8. Apostrophes are confusing. 9. Here are some dos and donts. 10. The Wilsons are here for their appointment.

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Letters of Positive and Negative Response

Positive Response Letters and Emails • Say "yes" right away. • When you can grant a citizen's or coworker's request, use "yes" early in your response. The

reader is looking for that one word when they receive your reply. Examples: • Yes, the City Clerk's Office can help prepare the official document. • Yes, I will be happy to chair this year's United Way collection drive.

Negative Response Letters and Emails

• Open with a neutral comment. (Adapted from real example) Example: The City of Brooksville would like to thank you for submitting your nomination for John Doe for the 2021 Great Brooksvillian award. • Give the reasons why you cannot grant the request so that the reader can draw conclusions. • Actually say "no." • Close with a positive, non-apologetic statement

ACTIVITY — A real letter submitted by a Florida city for your evaluation and editing. Make any changes directly on the document. (Names have been changed.) Dear Mr. & Mrs. Citizen, The City of Brooksville and The Great Brooksvillian Committee would like to thank you for submitting your nomination for John Doe for the 2021 Great Brooksvillian award. This award is a prestigious recognition of an individual that has made significant positive contributions to the history, culture and/or economy of our community. Each year, the Great Brooksvillian Committee seeks nominations for this prestigious award. The award winner is then recognized at a ceremony and presented with a plaque. The Great Brooksvillian committee has reviewed the nominations and selected three for City Council to select from and decide as to who will be the next Great Brooksvillian for 2021. Unfortunately, your nomination was not selected this year, but your information will be kept for future consideration of this prestigious award. The final award selection was made by the City Council at their regular meeting on August 16, 2021. Located at City Hall, 201 Howell Ave., Brooksville, Florida. City Council selected Jane Roe as the 2021 Great Brooksvillian. If there is any information you would like submit to update your nomination packet for consideration next year, please forward that to me either by US postal service, by email or you may drop the information off at City Hall. My contact information is below.

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ACTIVITY — Practice writing a negative response letter. Step 1: Open with a neutral comment: ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Step 2: Give the reasons why you cannot grant the request: ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Step 3: Actually say "no": ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Step 4: Close with a positive, non-apologetic statement: ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ANOTHER QUICK PRACTICE — Circle the correct spelling. 1. a) seperate b) separate c) separete 2. a) embarrass b) embarass c) emberrass 3. a) occurance b) ocurrence c) occurrence 4. a) unnecesary b) unnecessary c) unecessary 5. a) entreprenuer b) entrepreneur c) entreprenur 6. a) conscience b) consience c) consciense 7. a) cemetary b) cematery c) cemetery

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A Few Bits and Pieces

Commonly Confused Words, Phrases, and More ACTIVITY — Which is correct? 1. Five dollars (is, are) a lot of money.

2. No one is more concerned about the matter than (her, she, herself).

3. The threat of rain (affected, effected) the plans for the event.

4. There are (less, fewer) bugs in the updated software than in the original version.

5. I knew the name of the organization, but I wasn't sure about (its, it's) location.

6. Please (take, bring) these reports to the staff meeting.

7. What is the (principal, principle) guiding their decision?

8. (Who's, Whose) assistant will take minutes at the meeting?

9. The (womens, women's, womens') restroom is on the second floor.

10. You may enter (Mr. Harris's, Mr. Harris', Mr. Harrisses) office to get the file.

Resources Books: • The Gregg Reference Manual, 11th Edition • The Associated Press Stylebook, 2020 • The Business Style Handbook • The Elements of Style • HBR (Harvard Business Review) Guide to Better Writing • Business Writing for Dummies Online: • www.grammarly.com • owl.english.purdue.edu (Purdue Online Writing Lab) • Thesaurus.com • www.webfx.com/tools/read-able/flesch-kincaid.html • And, of course, MS Word writing alerts

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Professional Profile Anne Schroeder continues to consult, facilitate, design interventions, and create comprehensive professional development initiatives for organizations on national, regional, and state levels. Her rich experience in energetically facilitating groups as large as 250, and as small as 10, has boosted organizations to higher productivity, increased levels of conflict resolution, and award-winning quality improvement. Harvard, in 2012, recognized Guests First, a program Anne designed and facilitated for eight years for Lee County’s hospitality industry, as one of the 111 Bright Ideas in Government. Following Hurricane Charley, Charlotte County requested that Anne create and facilitate a similar program, Courtesy Calling, for businesses and other organizations in the area. Clients have included NASA, Ryder Systems, Coca Cola, American Lung Association, Jackson Memorial Hospital, The Salvation Army, and Florida Gulf Coast University. Since 2006, she has coordinated the Florida Supervisors of Elections certification program for which she was the designer. The 30-course program has won both national and international awards of excellence as it focuses on election-related areas, human resources, and other professional topics. Anne is certified trainer and consultant in bullying awareness and prevention and has provided bullying interventions and training for several Florida municipalities, county governments, agencies, and numerous Florida public schools. She is often called in to work with and resolve issues associated with active bullying situations. Her certification is through Clemson University where research continues to keep strategies relevant. Anne earned a master’s degree from The Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, MD, and in addition has a Certificate in Advanced Carpentry. She and her husband Ed personally, hammer and nail, built their first home in North Fort Myers in 1979.