facesofradio

8/9/2019 FacesOfRadio

1/33

FACES OF RADIO

"Pilot"

written by

Adam Boyer

[email protected] DRAFT TWO2505 NW 85th StreetSeattle, WA 98117 02/11/2015


2/33

COLD OPEN

INT. LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - DAY

DANIEL WINTERS(40s, suit unbuttoned), sits in his E-Z CHAIR with a beer in his hand, looking at someone off screen.

DANIELSo it’s like radio... but on theinternet?

Across him is ALEX(26), bubbling with frazzled excitement.

ALEXYes! Exactly.

DANIELSo it’s like Satellite Radio?

ALEXNo. Not at all.

DANIELPeople listen to this?

ALEXMost shows have pretty small fanbases, but if a show is a hit it canbe listened to by hundreds ofthousands or even millions of people!

DANIEL

And people make money doing this?

ALEXNot even a little.

DANIELBut they’re free to make then?

ALEXWell, not entirely. There’s startupcosts, equipment, server rentals-

DANIELSo you’d be actively losing money?

ALEX(excited)

Yes!

DANIELWhy do you want to do this again?


3/33

ALEXTo express myself, to create, to dosomething with my life. People havedone some amazing stuff with podcasts,Dad. These shows have changed peopleslives. One show even helped get an

innocent guy get out of prison!

DANIELLawyers also do that. They get paidfor it.

ALEXIt’s not about the money.

DANIELAh, so that’s why you’re back home ona Friday night instead of out withfriends. Because it’s not about money.

ALEXIt’s Seattle, no one is ever out withfriends. Everyone just says “we shouldhang out sometime” then spends theirnights alone. Also, it’s not like Ionly come home to ask for money.

DANIELSo you don’t need money?

ALEXWell... Not a lot.

Daniel walks to the fridge. Alex hovers around him.

ALEX (CONT’D)I already have most of the equipment.Cody was able to use his employeediscount to get the mics for a reallygood price, and I already bought theservers for the first six months...All I would need is a little extra tobuy the mixer. It’s a one time thing,I promise.

Daniel grabs another beer and leans on the kitchen counter.He takes a sip. Thinks.

DANIELYou remember when you were ten yearsold and the only thing you wanted inthe world was a pair of figure skates?You know how many times we actually went to a rink? Twice.

2.

(MORE)


4/33

You got bored of skating, then beforeyou knew it you had outgrown them. Younow where those skates are now? Thecrawl-space.

ALEX

I was never cut out for skating. ‘Hadankles like warm Charleston Chews...

DANIELAnd you remember when you were twelveand you just “had to have” that sewing machine? Said you were going to make a whole new wardrobe. Instead, you madehalf a tablecloth, got bored, and wouldn’t you know where that sewing machine is now? The crawl-space.

ALEX

It looked so much easier when MichellePfieffer did it.

DANIELAnd then there was the bird. GreyMacaw. Had to be that breed, you said.It was all you could talk about for ayear. Your mom and I had to drive to a whole other state to get it. Eventhough I thought the thing was loud ashell and smelt awful, we wanted to make you happy. Know where that birdis now?

ALEXThe crawl-space?

DANIELNo. It’s dead. Because you got boredafter a few months and forgot to feedit. Do you see the pattern here?

ALEX(remembering)

Poor Icarus...

Alex looks at the ground, crossing her heart out of respect.

DANIELMy point is, Alex, you have a tendencyto get really focussed on one thing,spend a lot of time and a lot of moneyon it but then quickly get tired orfrustrated and move on to somethingelse.

3.

DANIEL (CONT'D)


5/33

Daniel walks back towards the living room. Alex blocks him.

ALEXBut that was when I was a kid. Thingshave changed, I’ve matured. I mean, Igraduated college didn’t I? It took

six and a half years, but I did it!

DANIELAnd you majored in what, again?

ALEX(embarassed)

I doubled in Business and Theatre with minors in Psychology, Sociology,Education, and Art History.

(proud)The dean said they had to use a brandnew font just to get everything to fit

on the diploma.

Daniel pushes forward, intent on getting back to his chair.

ALEX (CONT’D)I know I’ve given up on a lot of stuffin the past, but I think this issomething that I can really be goodat, something that will stick. ThomasEdison made 68 different versions ofthe light bulb before finding one that worked. This could be my light bulb.

DANIELAlex, it’s a cute metaphor, but you’renot inventing something that’s goingto change the world, you’re putting ona radio show with your friends.

ALEXIt’s an analogy, Dad. I’d know, I wasthis close from a minor in English.

Alex smiles at him. It’s that stupid daughter smile he can’tsay no to. Daniel lets out a big SIGH.

DANIELHow much is it? This mixer?

Daniel grabs his CHECKBOOK from a drawer and starts writing.

ALEXSix fifty?

Daniel looks up at her in disbelief.

4.


6/33

ALEX (CONT’D)I can shop around.

DANIELYou’re gonna have to.

Daniel finishes signing the check. Alex gives him a big hugfrom behind. He shoves her off and hands her the check.

ALEXThank you so much, Dad! I love you.

DANIELYeah, yeah, I love you too. Just makesure you put my name in the credits.

ALEXI promise.

Alex kisses him on the cheek and heads down the hall.

DANIELOh hey, I forgot to ask, what’s yourshow going to be about?

ALEX(shouting back)

No idea!

END OF COLD OPEN

5.


7/33

ACT ONE

EXT. MAURICE’S APT - DAY

Alex parks in front of a shabby duplex. She gets out and walks to the door with CODY(17, dweeby) who struggles to

carry a stack of AUDIO SUPPLIES, still in their boxes.

CODYWhy do we have to come all the wayhere? Can’t you do this at your place?

ALEXI need to treat this podcast like ajob, meaning it needs its own space,it’s own studio. If I set everythingup at my apartment, sooner or laterthe recording equipment will meet thesame fate as the Nordic-track your mom

got last Christmas that’s been underher bed since Valentine’s Day.

Alex KNOCKS on the door.

CODYWhat about your old room? Not that I want you around or anything, it’s justno one’s using it.

ALEXI would, but my room is right next toour parents’ room and those walls are

thin enough to even the naked ear. Ireally don’t want to find out the hard way what sort of things these mics canpick up...

CODYGross.

Alex knocks again.

INT. MAURICE’S APT - DAY

Alex’s knock wakes up MAURICE SUMMERS(25, bearded, a mess).He look around at the piles of trash and beer cans. Maurice walks to the door and looks in the peephole.

MAURICEShit. One second!

Maurice quickly sweeps the trash into a corner. He goes toopen the door then stops. In a wide shot we reveal he’s stillnot wearing pants.

6.


8/33

EXT. MAURICE’S APT - DAY

Alex and Cody wait outside.

CODYWho is this guy?

ALEXMaurice. One of my old roommates fromcollege. He’s cool, you’ll like him.

CODY(beat)

I don’t like anybody...

Alex eyes Cody. He’s serious. Alex takes a small step away.

The door opens. Maurice (wearing pants) squints in the sun.

MAURICEThe podcast thing. Right.

ALEXYou forgot, didn’t you.

MAURICENot at all, no... I just... forgot.

CODYAre you hungover?

ALEX

This is my step-brother Cody. He’shere to help set up.

MAURICENo, Cody, I’m not hungover.

CODYAre you sure? You look like my momdoes the morning after she has too much Shiraz.

MAURICE

I don’t get hangovers actually. Neverhave. I just feel a bit dehydrated...And nauseous... And more sensitive tolight and sound...

ALEXWe can still use your garage, right?

MAURICEOver here.

7.


9/33

INT. MAURICE’S GARAGE - DAY

Maurice opens the door letting light fill the empty garage.Alex and Cody walk inside, inspecting it.

MAURICE

How long do you need it for?

ALEXJust for a couples hours today-- andevery Sunday for the next six months.At least.

MAURICEYou’re really serious about this,aren’t you?

ALEXAs serious as a Chris Nolan Batman

movie.

MAURICEI guess I’ll have to move my gamingstation.

ALEXYou mean the beer-pong table?

MAURICEIt works for flip cup too... Coffee?

EXT. MAURICE’S GARAGE - DAY

Alex waits outside in the shade, jotting in a small notepad.Maurice enters with two cups of COFFEE.

MAURICESo this podcast. What’s it about?

ALEXI’m still working on that. Right nowI’m trying to come up with a name andsee if I can work backwards from that.All I’ve got so far is “Dread Air.”

MAURICEWould that be like ghost stories?

ALEXOr a show about Jamaican hairstlying.I’m not 100 percent on that one.

MAURICEWho are the hosts?

8.


10/33

ALEXWell, me. You... if you want.

MAURICEIs that a question?

ALEXIs that a yes?

MAURICEI’m sorry, but I’m just really not aperformer type--

Maurice pulls out a TOBACCO PIPE and starts loading it.

MAURICE (CONT’D)--I just don’t think I’d be good atit, you know? And I always felt that-

ALEXWhat the hell is that?

MAURICEMy pipe.

ALEXYou smoke a pipe now?

MAURICEYeah.

ALEX

Are you becoming a long-shorefisherman? Or a snowman?

MAURICEI wanted to quit cigarettes, okay? Whyis that weird?

ALEXBecause it’s a pipe. And it’s 2015.And you’re not a young Orson Welles.

MAURICE

Oh, if only...ALEX

Is this about June?

MAURICEPeople have smoked pipes for a longtime, Alex. Well before June existed.

9.


11/33

ALEXHow long have you had the pipe?

MAURICEI don’t know, two and a half months?

ALEXAnd you and June broke up when?

MAURICEAbout three months ago...

Alex gives him a knowing glance. Maurice shakes his head andsmokes his pipe.

MAURICE (CONT’D)Look, I’m allowed to have hobbies, trynew things. Not all of my behaviorsare dictated by my ex-girlfriend.

ALEXAnd the beard?

MAURICEOkay, that may have been about her...I’m doing fine though, really. I’vegot the new place, I’ve been writing alot, keeping busy. You’re the one whodropped off the face of the earthafter graduation. Where’ve you been?Still doing that internship thing?

ALEXNope.

MAURICEYou get a job or anything?

ALEXNope.

MAURICESo what the hell have you been doing?

ALEXI’m starting a podcast.


Cody is finishing turning Maurice’s garage into a makeshiftstudio. Maurice and Alex enter.

10.


12/33

ALEXYou sure you won’t do it? It’s notlike you’d have to prepare anything,you’d just have to be yourself.

MAURICE

But no one’s gonna want to hear what Ihave to say. I don’t even want to hear what I have to say most of the time.

ALEXIt’s a podcast. Almost no one is goingto hear you, period. We’ll be lucky if we get Cody to download an episode.

CODYDon’t talk about me.

MAURICE

(beat)Fine, I’ll do it.

ALEXAwesome! I knew I could count on you.

Alex hugs Maurice, then goes over to Cody.

ALEX (CONT’D)Hey, Cody. How’s it coming along?

CODYI’m almost done, I just need your

laptop so I can plug everything in.

ALEXMy laptop?

CODYYou know that thing you use forfacebook and watching videos of biganimals befriending smaller animals?You brought it, right?

ALEX

I...CODY

You know you have to have a computerto record audio?

ALEXI know.

11.


13/33

CODYThe mixer doesn’t just shoot the files magically into the sky. The cloudisn’t a literal cloud.

ALEX

I know.

ALEX (CONT’D)Look, can you just drive to my placeand pick up my laptop?

CODYUgh, fine.

Alex rifles through her purse.

ALEXGreat. Oh, and there’s a half eaten

Chipotle burrito in the fridge, canyou bring that too?

Cody sighs, then takes Alex’s keys.

CODYReal professional enterprize you gotgoing here...

Cody exits.

ALEX(go fuck yourself)

Love you!

Alex sits down by the mics. Maurice sits next to her.

MAURICEWhere’s he going?

ALEXI forgot my laptop. Ugh, I bet MarcMaron never forgot his laptop...

MAURICE

Yeah, but he also used to do a lot ofcoke, so I say you’re about even.

ALEXI can’t believe this, she’ll be hereany minute, and I don’t have a showidea or a way to record the episode.

MAURICEWait. Who’s going to be here?

12.


14/33

Alex winces and gets back up, avoiding eye contact with him.

ALEXThe other host.

MAURICE

Who’s the other host?

ALEXDon’t hate me...

MAURICEThat’s like the worst way a personcould start a sentence.

ALEXI need you to understand that I don’thave a lot of friends.

MAURICEOh, I’m keenly aware.

ALEXSo when I decided to do the show Iknew I needed at least two otherpeople, but could only think of twopeople I care about and that I’d wantto do it. You’re one, and-

MAURICENo.

ALEXYeah...

From behind Maurice a WOMAN enters frame. Maurice grits histeeth turning to see JUNE HELLER(25, striking).

MAURICEHey, June.

JUNEHey Maur. Good to see you. God, howlong has it been?

MAURICE‘Bout three months.

END OF ACT ONE

13.


15/33

ACT TWO

EXT. MOVIE SET - DAY - FLASHBACK

Alex stands next to June under a blue pop-up tent. June ispreoccupied staring at the assortment of snacks on the table.

JUNEYou want me to do what?

ALEXA podcast.

JUNENo, I get that, I mean, what do you want me to do on it? Do you want me toact in it? Is it like a radio play?

ALEX

It could be, I haven’t exactly naileddown the concept yet. But I know isthat you’d be great in it.

JUNEYou say that not even knowing what I’dbe great in.

ALEXSee? You get it. This is exactly why we need you.

SAM

We? Is there going to be another host?

ALEX(backpeddling)

I meant like the Royal We-- SilversunPickups-- Just meet me Sunday ateleven. Just for an hour.

JUNEI don’t know, Sunday’s my only day offthis week. I’m pretty swamped, whichis ironic considering our state’s

growing drought problem.ALEX

C’mon, we never get to hang outanymore. It’ll be fun-- Okay, are youever going to actually eat anything?Because watching you stand here andnot eat is stressing me out.

14.


16/33

JUNESometimes I just like to look...

ALEXBut not actually eat anything?

JUNEIt’s not that bad. I like to pretendI’m at some weird strip club. Only thedancers are pretzels... And M&Ms...

ALEXOkay, now you’re just making me sad.Is this what it’s like being an actor?It doesn’t seem very satisfying. Thosefun size Snickers, notwithstanding.

JUNEIt’s fine really, I mean, playing the

dead girlfriend isn’t the mostchallenging work, but I’m gettingpaid, and this time the director onlyrecommended I lose weight.

ALEXHold on, didn’t you play a deadgirlfriend in the last movie?

JUNENo, I was the dead stripper in thatone. I mean, they slept together, butI don’t think they were exclusive.

Alex nods, seeing the key difference. A PA enters.

PA June? They’re ready for you.

JUNEThanks, I’ll just be a second.

June takes a last longing glance at the crafty table.

ALEX

Seriously, just eat something, you’rebumming me out, dude.

JUNEFine.

June grabs a HALF MUFFIN and hugs Alex goodbye.

ALEXSunday?

15.


17/33

JUNE(mouth full)

I’ll think about it.

CUT TO:

INT. MAURICE’S GARAGE - DAY - PRESENT

June and Maurice stand across from each other. Alex roundsout this Mexican stand off of discomfort, trying to mediate.

ALEXThis won’t be an issue will it? Youguys, working together?

JUNENot at all.

MAURICE

Can’t imagine why it would be.

ALEXBecause you guys dated for like a yearand now aren’t? I mean, that would bea thing that could be awkward for somepeople. But luckily that’s not thecase and we can get started.

Maurice’s clearly has issues with this situation. Alex picksup on this but pretends to be oblivious.

ALEX (CONT’D)

This is’ll be fun!. It will be justlike when we were roommates...

Alex’s phone rings.

ALEX (CONT’D)But, you know, in a garage.

Alex steps out. Maurice and June look at each other insilence for a beat before:

JUNESo... How’ve you been?

MAURICESuper. Just super. You?

JUNEI’ve been... super. Yeah. Super duper.

They stand for a beat of unpleasant silence.

16.


18/33


Alex talks on the phone.

ALEXDid you find it?

CODY (O.C.)I don’t know how you find anything inthis apartment, it’s nothing but emptypizza boxes and Criminal Minds DVDs.

ALEXJust look by my bed, it should bethere somewhere.

CODY (O.C.)Why do you still have the DVDs? Whydon’t you just watch it on netflix?

ALEXI like the special features, okay?Mandy Patinkin’s commentaries are veryinformative.


June and Maurice wait, each unsure how to move.

JUNEI like the beard.

MAURICEThanks, I’m sort of just not shavingand observing what happens. It’s lessof a beard and more of a scienceexperiment on my face.

JUNEAre you going to be alright with this?

MAURICEDon’t really have a choice. We’rehere, right? So you seeing anyone?

JUNENope. You?

MAURICECan’t say that I am.

JUNEI should go check on Alex.

17.


19/33

MAURICEOkay.

June exits. Maurice sits down at one of the mics.

MAURICE (CONT’D)

(in a deep broadcaster voice)Good evening. I’m Timothy Brockvent.Tonight’s top story: Life is balls...

Maurice sighs and leans back in his chair, not able to evenappreciate his silly newscaster voice.


Alex hangs up just as June walks out.

JUNESorry, I can’t do this.

ALEXWhat are you talking about? Is thisbecause of Maurice? He’ll be fine.

JUNEAre we talking about the same person?He can barely stand to look at me.

ALEXIt’s radio, he doesn’t have to. Hecould be in the other room if you want, we’ll just get a longer cord.

It’s not like you guys didn’t getalong before you dated. Remember thatsummer when we were lived together andall you two did for a month was drinkFranzia and watch The West Wing?

JUNEI had such a crush on John Spencer --Still, I should go.

June walks to her car, Alex follows after her.

ALEXYou can’t go. I need you for this.

JUNEWhy? You’re both funnier than meanyway. Why do you need me?

ALEXBecause of math.

18.


20/33

JUNEMath?

ALEXGeometry. There has to be three peoplefor the show to work. You need three

points for a plane. Three points for atriangle. If it’s just two points it’sa line, it’s a sea-saw, bouncing sideto side. It’s not stable, it doesn’t work, it all falls apart, it needs tobe three!

JUNEAre you okay? You sound like my cousinRoy when he starts talking about 9/11.

ALEXYou need that balance, that backup in

case something goes wrong.

JUNESo I’m the backup?

ALEXWe’re all the backup. We need you tobalance things out. Without you,everything devolves into chaos.

Alex sees Cody pull into the driveway.

ALEX (CONT’D)

It’s just one hour. I’ll make sureMaurice behaves. Can you just tolerateone hour of discomfort? For me?


Alex and Cody return followed by June. Cody goes to plug inthe laptop. Maurice talks into the mic, turning random knobs.

MAURICEWe have a code zero four, repeat zerofour. Send in all available troops-

Cody slaps Maurice’s hand away from the knobs.

CODYDon’t touch that. It’s not a toy.

Maurice immediately stops, hanging his head in shame.

MAURICESorry.

19.


21/33

June sits down at the boards and waving cheerfully at Cody,to no response.

ALEXJune, Cody. Cody, June.

Alex finishes eating her aforementioned burrito, watchingCody finish setting up. Alex waves Maurice over.

MAURICEWhat’s up?

ALEXI’m going to need you to promise to methat you’ll be cool with all this.

MAURICEI already told you it was fine.

ALEXWe still share a netflix account. Iknow you aren’t over June.

MAURICEI don’t know what you mean.

ALEXYou’ve watched Sleepless in Seattle...Like a lot.

MAURICEIt’s a good movie. I don’t apologize.

ALEXJust be cool, okay? This means a lotto me, having you two back as friends.

Maurice nods. They both go sit down.

JUNEYou figured out what the show’s about?

ALEXNot quite. But I thought we would just

hit record. See what happens.MAURICE

Hey, those are always my favoritepodcasts: unstructured ramblings without famous people.

CODYDone. Can I go now?

20.


22/33

ALEXI sort of thought you would stay andhelp with the levels and everything.Besides, I’m your ride.

CODY

Christ. Alright, fine.

Maurice and Alex sit down at their mics.

CODY (CONT’D)Well, say something, guys! Jesus.

One by one they lean in and give mic checks.

JUNECheck. Check one.

MAURICE

Check check. Sibilance. Sibilance.

ALEX(faking a smile)

Thank you so much for helping me Cody.You are a treasure and I am glad yourfamily is a part of my family.

Cody sighs, confused by his step-sister’s bizarre affection.

CODYAlright, you’re good.

Cody looks to Alex, NODS.

ALEXOh, okay. Hello. Welcome to the firstepisode of... this podcast. I’m AlexWinters, no relation. To my right isMaurice Summers.

MAURICEThis is the sound of my voice.

JUNE

I just noticed that. Summers, Winters.June. Weird.

ALEXThose dulcet tones belong to JuneHeller. And we are going to be yourguides on this-

CODYI’m not recording, by the way.

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23/33

ALEXWhat?

CODYDid you want me to record?

ALEXYes.

MAURICEJesus.

June takes off her coat, in doing so accidentally revealing asmall HICKEY just under her collar to Maurice.

ALEXWhy did you give me the nod?

CODY

I saw you nodding, I was agreeing, Idon’t know, I don’t understand everynod, jeez. Do you want to record now?

ALEXYes!

Cody hits record then NODS as sarcastically as possible.

ALEX (CONT’D)Hello everybody, welcome for the firsttime ever to this podcast. We’ll thinkof a name very soon, I promise you. In

the meantime I’m Alex Winters, norelation, with me are--

Alex looks to Maurice. Maurice just stares at June’s neck.

MAURICEWhat happened there?

JUNEWhat do you mean?

MAURICE

On your neck?ALEX

Maurice? In the middle of an intro-

MAURICEOne second, there seems to be a massive bruise on June’s neck, I wantto take a moment and make sure sheisn’t in any real medical danger.

22.


24/33

JUNEI don’t know what happened, okay?

ALEXReal, great radio here, guys.

MAURICEI know it’s crazy because only a moment ago you said to my face you weren’t seeing anyone, but I guess myeyes are playing tricks on my becauseit looks like there’s a massive hickeyon your neck.

JUNENot that it’s any of your business,but I’m not seeing anyone.

ALEX

Way to stay cool, Maurice.

MAURICEClearly you were with someone, unlessyou fell in a squid tank or you’resomehow the mom from The Conjuring.

JUNEJust because I fool around withsomeone doesn’t mean I’m seeing them.This isn’t the 50’s, Maurice.

ALEX

You’re really giving Cody a lot toedit, guys.

CODYI’m supposed to edit this?

JUNEI knew this was a bad idea stayinghere. I should have guessed youcouldn’t behave like a mature adult.

MAURICE

Oh, and nothing says “mature adult”like a 25 year old showing off ahickey the size of Saskatchewan.

During all of this Cody pays keen attention to the levels.

JUNEOkay. I’m sorry, Alex. I tried.

23.


25/33

ALEXWait, this is perfect! Keep talking.This is what podcasts are about. Pain.Drama. Keep fighting, guys! If you’rejust tuning in, you’re listening toJune and Maurice, former lovers,

current podcast hosts. What are youguys feeling right now?

Maurice takes off his headphones and storms out.

ALEX (CONT’D)Okay, listeners, Maurice just stormedout of the studio, but still with usis June Heller. June, why did you andMaurice break up? Does it haveanything to do with your parents?

JUNE

This isn’t working.

ALEXIs that how you told Maurice?

June takes off her headphones and gets up.

JUNEI’ve got lines to go over.

ALEXI thought your character didn’t haveany lines?

JUNEBye Alex, we’ll hang out sometime.

ALEXYeah...

June exits. Alex just sits alone with Cody in the garage.

CODYSo... should I cut?

END OF ACT TWO

24.


26/33

ACT THREE

INT. ALEX'S CHILDHOOD BEDROOM - NIGHT

Alex sleeps face first over the covers of her bed. Oldposters and photos from her childhood cover the walls. Daniel

walks past the room and notices her.

DANIELWhat are you doing?

ALEX(muffled)

Sleeping.

DANIELHow'd it go? Your podcast?

Alex sits up, a big red mark on her face from the comforter.

ALEXHey, you remembered the name.

DANIELCody put some shows he thought I’dlike on my iPod. You wouldn’t believehow many shows there are about just woodworking. There’s “Wood-n’t YouKnow,” “Wood That You Could,”“Sprucing Things Up,” “Balsa NewsThat’s Fit to Print”--

Daniel can tell she's sad. He sits next to her.

DANIEL (CONT’D)What’s wrong?

ALEXI blew it. I couldn't think of a showidea in time, then my co-hosts startedfighting because they used to date--

DANIELMaurice and June? Why'd you put them

in a room together?ALEX

Because they're my friends, and Ihadn't seen them in a while. I guess Ithought maybe the show could rekindleour friendship. Pretty stupid, huh?

Daniel grabs a black and white photo of Alex, Maurice, andJune hanging out as old roommates.

25.


27/33

DANIELI didn't think people actually printedphotos anymore...

ALEXIt's from my photography phase. Guess

you were right about me. I'll pay youback for everything. It might take-

DANIELYou're not paying me back. I may notbe the most attuned guy, but I cantell when something's important toyou. I know you wouldn't be gettingthis worked up about this whole thingif it was just some phase. I don’tknow why this means so much, butclearly it’s about something more toyou that just a show. And you owe it

to yourself to really see it out. Notjust because I wrote you a check, butbecause I truly believe you can dosomething great. I always have. That’s why I never minded buying you all thatstuff. Because even if it didn’t fullytake, I wanted to see what you coulddo. And I’ve never been disappointed.Except for maybe that bird. I reallyhated that bird.

ALEXI love you, Dad.

Alex laughs, hugs her dad.

DANIELAnd for no other reason, do it to getCody out of the house. I swear, thatkid is looking paler than a cheap ham.

EXT. MOVIE SET - DAY

June is back at the crafty table, staring longingly at thespread of red-vines and pretzels. Maurice enters.

MAURICEI wouldn't eat those red vines if I were you, I hear they're made out ofreal vines.

June turns to see him, she's surprised to see a familiarface, but not happy it’s his.

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MAURICE (CONT’D)I’m so sorry, I wanted to think of abetter joke, but then I got here and--I’m sorry.

JUNE

It’s a pretty terrible joke. It’s noteven a joke really.

MAURICEYeah, I know. I’m not myself lately.

JUNEWhat are you doing here?

MAURICEI came to apologize. I was immature, Ioverreacted, it wasn't fair to you,and it wasn't fair to Alex either.

I’ve been trying to hide how I feelfor the past three months and when Isaw you, it’s like it all came to thesurface, like a giant, jealously zit,popping all over everybody face. I'msorry. I can't promise I'm going to beable to be okay around you right away,but I can promise to try.

JUNEThanks, it means a lot to hear you saythat.

MAURICEAnd again, I’m really sorry for thatjoke. Can we be friends again now?

JUNEI think we could be.

MAURICESo as a friend, I have to ask--

JUNENo you don't--

MAURICEWas it someone here? Was it the boomguy? It was the boom guy.

JUNEIt wasn't the boom guy.

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MAURICEIt's always the boom guy. They're likethe drummers of film sets.

June just rolls her eyes.

MAURICE (CONT’D)Come do the podcast.

JUNEDid Alex ask you to come here?

MAURICEI can neither confirm, nor deny that--Yes. She did. But that doesn’t mean Idon’t think you should do it. We allneed something right now. Are youtelling me you’re really creativelystimulated here?

JUNEAs an actor there’s a certainchallenge to not having any lines, orinteresting action, or character motivation-- Okay, fine. One show.

Maurice smiles. Starts to walk away.

JUNE (CONT’D)You’re not just doing this to try toget back together with me, are you?

MAURICEIf I really was trying to win youback, I like to think I’d come up withsomething a little bit cooler thanbeing on a podcast.

June thinks this over while Maurice casually walks away.

INT. MAURICE'S GARAGE - DAY

Alex paces in the back of the garage. Maurice sits watchingher. After a beat June enters. Alex waves her over. Maurice

smiles as June sits next to him, both ready to hear Alex out.ALEX

I want to apologize for springingthings on you the way I did, for notbeing prepared, and for not explaining myself the way I should. I don't havea lot of friends. But you guys have,for most of my adult life, been likefamily to me.

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However, these past few months I cantell we're already spreading apart andI know it's only going to be a matterof time before we're all that friendyou run into at the grocery store andstruggle to make small talk with. I

don't want that to happen to us. Idon’t want half a decade of friendshipto turn into a boring conversationabout “how expensive gum has gotten.”

JUNEIt really has though.

MAURICEI know. A buck sixty a pack? Get real,Orbit, I’m on a budget.

ALEX

It's no one's fault, it's just whathappens. You move, you graduate,people break up... but I don't thinkthat it has to be the case for us. I won’t let it be. I think I got it in my head that the podcast was about uscreating something, something great,but what I realized is that it doesn't matter what we make so long as thatthe three of us make it together. Iknow a podcast sounds like a dumbthing to keep a friendship going but most friendships revolve around

something stupid. Work, college,church, a weird mutual love for theshow Cheers that I never reallyunderstood...

MAURICEYou can’t beat a young TedDanson.

JUNERhea Perlman is my hero. Thathair...

ALEX (CONT’D)That’s just the point. I mean, wouldSam Malone and Norm Peterson ever hang

out if it weren’t for Cheers? Wouldthe people on Scrubs care about eachother if they didn't work at the samehospital? If it weren't for CentralPerk would the friends on Friendsstill be friends?

JUNEI mean, Monica and Ross werebrother and sister...

MAURICEJoey and Chandler wereroommates, so..

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ALEX (CONT'D)


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ALEX (CONT’D)Okay forgot that one. This show itselfcould be terrible, it could besomething even our family wouldn’t want to listen to and it will stillhave been a success because it brought

us all together. Because for an houronce a week we all made a point totake a break from our sloppy lives, meet up and make something stupid...like a podcast. Let's make somethingstupid.

JUNEI didn’t realize you cared that muchabout this. I thought you were justgoofing around.

ALEX

Can’t it be both?

MAURICEWe still need an actual idea for theshow though.

ALEXI know. And we’re going to think of itas a group. It can’t be hard to findsomething to talk about that otherpeople find interesting. There arepodcasts about woodworking forChrist’s sake.

JUNEYou listen to “What’s Pine is Yours”too? My uncle loves that show.

ALEXWhat’s important is that whatever itis, it’s something we all care aboutand we would be able to talk about forhours on end. There’s a whole big world of possibilities out there--

Dramatic push in on Alex.ALEX (CONT’D)

--What do you want to talk about?

END OF ACT THREE

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TAG

INT. MAURICE’S GARAGE - LATER

June, Alex, and Maurice sit on the mics, with Cody on theones and twos.

ALEXWelcome to the first episode of "IFeel Like Danson" the encyclopedicpodcast chronically every episode ofNBC's "Cheers."

MAURICEWe’re still workshopping the title.

JUNE

I like it.

ALEXFor the record, I did not want to do apodcast about “Cheers” but I wasoutvoted by my co-hosts. Nevertheless--

MAURICEAlex, The thing you gotta remember is,Making your way in the world todaytakes everything you’ve got.

ALEX

Okay, I see what you’re doing there.

JUNETaking a break from all your worriesshould would help a lot.

ALEXVery funny, guys.

MAURICESo Nobody told you life would be this way...

JUNEYou job’s a joke, you’re broke, yourlove life’s DOA...

ALEXNot even the right show.

MAURICEYou take the good, you take the bad...

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JUNEYou take them both and there you have-

ALEXA lawsuit?

JUNEAll jokes aside, Alex. Sometimes Ican’t help but wonder, whateverhappened to predictability?

MAURICEYou know, the milkman, the paperboy,the evening TV?

CODYWHRRRRRRRRRRSSHHHWOOONGGG

(off looks)That was from Lost.

ALEXHow many episodes of Cheers are there?

MAURICETwo hundred and seventy.

ALEXWonderful.

We slowly pull out on the four of them, laughing and talkinglike old friends. They adlib the podcast as the audio slowlyfades out.

FADE OUT:

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