FAMILY, PEER, AND DATING RELATIONSHIPS

ADVISOR GROUPS LESSON #4

BULLYING

The four most common types of bullying are:

Verbal Bullying—name calling, sarcasm, teasing, spreading rumours, threatening, making references to one's culture, ethnicity, race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation, and unwanted comments.

Social Bullying—mobbing, scapegoating, excluding others from a group, humiliating others, gestures or graffiti intended to put others down.

Physical Bullying—hitting, poking, pinching, chasing, shoving, coercing, destroying, unwanted sexual touching.

Cyber Bullying—using the internet or text messaging to intimidate, put down or spread rumours about someone.

BULLYING

Reena Virk

Amanda Todd

What if one person had stood up for them?

BULLYING STATISTICS• 1 in 3 adolescent Canadian students have reported being

bullied recently

• Girls are more likely to be bullied on the Internet than boys

• The most common form of cyber-bullying involved receiving threatening or aggressive e-mails or instant messages. This was reported by 73% of victims

SOME MYTHS ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

• Victims of violence are uneducated

• Victims provoke, so they deserve what they get

• Victims bounce from one abusive relationship to another

• Victims have low self-esteem or mental health problems

• Victims are weak

http://www.ted.com/talks/leslie_morgan_steiner_why_domestic_violence_victims_don_t_leave

TYPES OF ABUSE

There are five types of abuse identified including:

1. Physical abuse

2. Sexual abuse

3. Neglect

4. Emotional harm

5. Exposure to family violence

ABUSE INCLUDES TACTICS LIKE: • using degrading language

• insulting, criticizing, name-calling, screaming

• harassing, refusing to talk, manipulating to make individual believe they are crazy or imagining things

• humiliation privately or in front of others

• blaming the victim for the abuse

• controlling where the victim goes, who they talk to, or what they do

• denying the abuse and physical attacks

INTIMIDATION

• Breaking or destroying property

• Glaring or staring to ensure compliance

• Threatening homicide, suicide, or injury

• Threatening with weapons

• Stalking

• Making false allegations to the police

STATISTICS

In Canada 29% of females and 13% of males between the ages of 11 and 20 years old have experienced some form of dating abuse.

DATING VIOLENCE

“Any intentional, sexual, physical or psychological attack on one partner by the other in a dating relationship” (Health Canada, 1995).

EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Emotional abuse is harder to see because there are no physical signs like bruising.

It can be much harder to heal.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU’RE IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

• Trust your instincts

• Talk to someone you trust like a friend, a counsellor, a teacher, a doctor, a coach.

• If you don’t feel safe, don’t break up in person, but if you do have a friend or someone you trust nearby.

DATING SAFETY

1. Date people you know and trust (get to know the person before you go out). Watch how they get along with others. Group date!

DATING SAFETY

2. Be cautious if you meet someone online. If you have to meet them do it in a public place, and don’t share contact information like your address. If they seem too good to be true, they probably are!

DATING SAFETY

3. Don’t go out on a date without telling someone (talk to your parents). Tell them where, with whom and when you will be home. Bring a cell phone and leave your date’s phone number with your parents. Prepare for unexpected difficulties (bring extra money).

DATING SAFETY

4. Review your values and goals before you go and know what your limits are. Let your date know if you are uncomfortable with something and what you want to avoid. Respect the limits your date sets as well. If you’re uncomfortable, say no clearly and loudly. If your date isn’t being respectful, leave the situation.

DATING SAFETY

5. Avoid drugs and alcohol because they compromise your ability to make good decisions. They also keep you from getting to know what your date is really like. NEVER leave a drink (even pop, juice, or water) even for a second. Many teens are sexually assaulted because people put sedatives in their drinks.

NO MEANS NO

It is against the law to have sexual relations (or attempt to have relations) with someone who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol. They can NOT give consent.

DATING SAFETY

6. Go out, don’t just hang out. It is much safer to go to a movie, out to dinner, or go to a public place. If you want to be alone with someone you need to know them well and have ground rules for alone time. Trust your instincts!

DATING SAFETY

7. Know the warning signs of dating and relationship abuse and violence. Watch for problem behaviours like: isolating you from friends and family, having angry outbursts, blaming other people for problems, frightening you during disagreements, getting jealous for no reason, being cruel to animals or children, trying to control you, or belittling you or your values.

YOU DECIDE

If any of these signs are familiar or sound like someone you’re dating talk to a counsellor, or teacher!

DANGEROUS BEHAVIOUR TO WATCH FOR

• Following you, parking close by and watching where you go (school, home, work).

• Contacting you by phone, internet or text message more than you are comfortable with.

• Contacting your friends or family to ask about you or spread rumors about you.

• Continuing to contact you after you have made it clear you don’t want any more contact.

HOW TO AVOID GETTING INTO AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

1. Double date when you go out with someone new

2. Make a plan ahead before you go out (What will you do if you are in a dangerous situation). Who could you talk to? Who could you call for a ride home? Where could you go to escape? (i.e. Reddi Mart, Fast Gas, Beebe Mart, etc.).

3. Know the exact plans before you go out on a date.

4. Make sure a friend or family member knows where you are.

5. Let your date know you are expected to call or tell that person when you get home.

6. Never leave a party or dance with someone you don’t know well.

7. Don’t have a face-to-face meeting with someone you’ve met online. If you want to meet them take an adult with you.

8. If you’re under the influence of drugs or alcohol, you will not be able to react as quickly or as well as usual.

9. Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable, stay calm and find a way to leave.

10. If someone intimidates you or doesn’t respect your wishes ask for help and call off the relationship.

11. Expect to be respected and know you deserve it.

REFERENCES:

Alberta Education, Caring, Respectful and Safe Learning Environments. Bullying prevention. Retrieved from: http://education.alberta.ca/teachers/safeschools/bullying-prevention.aspx

Government of Alberta, Alberta Human Services, Programs and Services (2012). Abuse and Bullying: What is Abuse? Retrieved from: http://humanservices.alberta.ca/abuse-bullying/15671.html

Government of Canada, Canadian institutes of Health Research. Canadian bullying statistics (2012). Retrieved from: http://www.cihr-irsc.gc.ca/e/45838.html

REFERENCES CONT’D:Public Health Agency of Canada, Family Violence Prevention E-Bulletin (2011). Family Violence and Mental Health. Retrieved from: http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/EB/2011/november-novembre/e-bulletin-eng.php

Public Health Agency of Canada, National Clearinghouse on Family Violence E-Bulletin (2012). Family Violence and Resilience. Retrieved from: http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/EB/2012/may-mai/index-eng.php

Statistics Canada, Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics,(2011). Family violence in Canada: A statistical report. Retrieved from: http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/EB/2012/may-mai/index-eng.php

Stop A Bully, Safe and Anonymous, (2009). Canadian bullying statistics. Retrieved from: http://www.stopabully.ca/bullying-resources/bullying-statistics

Steiner, L.M. (Writer), & Ted Talks. (Producer). (2012). Why domestic violence victims don’t leave (episode). TEDxRainier. Retrieved from: http://www.ted.com/talks/leslie_morgan_steiner_why_domestic_violence_victims_don_t_leave